Recently in Weird & Wacky Category

Started to do this story for the Metro, but it didn't really fit the feel of my column, so I scrapped for another one. But I thought you guys might still be interested, so I'm gonna post it on here.

There has been a firestorm of controversy surrounding Nadya Suleman, the out of work mother who recently gave birth to octuplets. But this isn't the first controversy surrounding multiple births.

The Dionne septuplets were born in Ontario in 1934, and were the first quintuplets to survive infancy. At the ago of four months, they were made wards of the State, as the local government realized that they were worth a fortune. The state built them a house with a playground surrounded by a one way screen, so that tourists could see the five girls playing three times a day. About 6,000 people came daily to the observation gallery at Quintland, and watched the girls play as if they were monkeys in a zoo. Over 8 years, the quintuplets brought in about $51 million of tourist revenue to Ontario*, and attracted more visitors than the Canadian side of Niagara Falls. Their fame also made them popular spokepeople for various products, such as Karo Corn Syrup (Because who among us hasn't wondered, as we scarfed down some pancakes, what brand of syrup quintuplets would use?)

Their parents, who had made a fortune off of the girls by selling souvenirs, regained custody when the girls were ten. They took them on tour, and regularly had them all dress the same, even when they were in their teens. When the girls turned 18, they left the family home and rarely spoke with their parents again.

In 1998, the surviving three Dionnes, who were living near poverty, sued Ontario for million in the tourism revenues they generated (and saw very little of) in the 1930s and 1940s and were awarded $4 million dollars.

• RELATED: You can find lots more info on the Quints here.


• RELATED: Story about them written in the New York Times in 1998.

*The city is looking for ways to reduce the deficit. How about a quintuplet playground?

• The guillotine was invented because it was supposedly the most humane way to kill people. However, there are many people who believe that the mind stays alive for about about 30 seconds after it leaves the body, and that during the French Revolution, people would tell their friends that they would blink after their head came off if they were still conscious, and then did so. They can't talk, of course, because they have no vocal cords.
• A doctor in Cleveland (typical) performed a head transplant on a monkey a few years ago, and wants to do the same to humans. He is going to start by trading my head with George Clooneys. Now I bet you're sorry you blew me off this weekend, girl!
• Speaking of chicks, have you heard the story of Mike the Headless Chicken? If not, it is well worth reading. A guy cut a chicken's head off but the chicken lived for another year and a half. And the Mike the Headless Chicken Festival was just this past weekend! It was probably fun, but I doubt it was an Intercourse Rhubarb Festival Bake off Extravaganza (photos and story coming manana.)

• Don't you hate it when you're doing blow with three transvestite hookers, and all of a sudden things get weird?
• The Jimi Hendrix sex tape has been released, and it has people wondering: how will this affect his career?
• The BBC asks, Does sex addiction exist? Absolutely. Why, just the other day, I was thinking to myself, "Man, I really need to stop having all of this sex. It is completely out of control how much nonstop sex I am having all of the time. I must be some sort of addict. Alas, I guess this is the price I must pay for being so damn irresistable." (Sigh).

Seriously, though, you know what's most amazing about this story? It's that having a pet water moccasin in his car isn't even the dumbest thing about this guy. No, there is nothing, not even having a pet alligator, you can do that is stupider than being white and having dreadlocks. Nothing. If I saw a white guy with normal hair jump into a pool full of killer whales and a white guy with dreadlocks solve the Riemann hypothesis, and I'd still think the white guy with dreadlocks was stupider. Cut your damn hair.

• In the country of blinds, the one eyed man are kings.
• Few, few the bird make her nest.
• Nothing some money, nothing of Swiss.
• A horse bared don't look him the tooth.
• To craunch the marmoset.
• The stone as roll not heap up not foam.
• Keep the chestnut of the fire with the cat foot.
• Burn the politeness.
• Of the hand to mouth, one lose often the soup.

It also provided some good translations of various sentences. First is the Portuguese, followed by the correct translation (in italics), followed by the English as She Is Spoke translation.)
Zombo deles; o meu navio é armado em guerra, tenho equipagem vigilante e animosa; e as munições não me faltam.
I laugh at them; my ship is armed for war; I have an alert and courageous crew, and I have plenty of ammunition.
ES: I jest of them; my vessel is armed in man of war, i have a vigilant and courageous equipage, and the ammunitions don't want me its.

Este lago parece-me bem piscoso. Vamos pescar para nos divertirmos.
This lake looks full of fish to me. Let's have some fun fishing.
ES: That pond it seems me many multiplied of fishes. Let us amuse rather to the fishing.

Vamos mais depressa. Nunca vi pior besta. Não quer andar, nem para diante, nem para trás.
Let's go faster. I never saw a worse animal. It doesn't want to go either forward or backward.
ES: Go us more fast never i was seen a so much bad beast; she will not nor to bring forward neither put back.

Barriga cheia, cara alegre.
A full stomach makes for a content face.
ES: After the paunch comes the dance.
RELATED: More info on English as She Is Spoke.

reverend phil
bicycle pornographer
http://bikesmut.com

I love the fact that he is a "curator" of "oversexualized bike movies" in the body of the paragraph, but in the end just calls himself a bicycle pornographer. Anyways, I told him the Troc would be perfect. I'll be sure to let you know when this show occurs, in case you like oversexualized bike movies.

Some of you might remember my interview with La Colombe founder Todd Carmichael after he hiked to the South Pole a few years ago (If not, I highly recommend it. Pretty fascinating interview.) Anyways, he recently went at it again, this time trying to set a record for fastest trip from the Antarctic coast to the South Pole unassisted. He got off to a great start, but his partner soon suffered an injury and had to abandon the voyage, then he got hit by a blizzard that just never seemed to end. Anyways, the video is pretty interesting as is the website.

• Free: old bricks in Cape Charles
• Looking for a hood for a '73 Chevy pickup
• Looking to trade deer antlers!!!!
• Electric breast pump $25
• Looking to buy large rabbits
• Looking for someone to trap muskrats
• Free 42" screen tv. Does not work.

Because who couldn't use some old bricks, a tv that doesn't work, or a used breast pump? And I really wish I knew the story behind the trading of the deer antlers. Was the guy hoping to impress some people with bigger antlers than he had? Or did his wife tell him that the antlers on the wall were too big, and he needed to downsize? Also, don't bother calling the one guy if you have medium sized rabbits. Large rabbits only! Finally, I love that someone got so fed up with the dang muskrats that they decided to do something about it...and that something was calling Swap Shop.

In a story that has made me happier than anything I have ever heard in my entire life, giant emus are attacking the citizens of South Jersey. If these emus injure two or more Jerseyites, I will erect an emu shrine in my living room.

While looking at his wiki entry, I came across the following incredible photo of him hanging with his bud John Bromfield, who had his initials monogrammed on his tighty whiteys right next to his unit while talking on the phone with a young and dare I say nieve Tab Hunter listening in. Challenges "Raising the Flag at Iwo Jima" as greatest photo ever. I'm going to monogram my tighty whiteys right now. And oh by the way, I would like to remark on what a dumbass I am, b/c for a while I thought Tab Hunter was the star of Hunter.

It's beautiful outside, and I'm sitting here coming up with questions for quizzo. It's a damn shame. Anyway, here's a few worthless nuggets to get you through the day:

*Want to hear the worst voice ever? Here is former Philly resident Florence Jenkins's Myspace page (she's apparently still going strong at age 139), where you can hear her sing. Here is her wiki entry.

*Men are struck by lightning four times as often as women.

*Read about Poon Lim, who survived at sea by himself for 133 days.

*Do you know what a funambulist is?

Japanese citizens are forced to watch this before taking a trip to Philadelphia.

I know you guys turn to this website for one reason: the Facts. Most blogs out there are full of knuckleheads self righteously throwing around their two cents worth w/o sticking to the cold hard facts. But not me. Nope, everything I post on here is only written after careful consideration and exhaustive fact checking. But yesterday I was fleeced. A news story that appeared in a trusted Australian publication about sheep being sold as dogs in Japan turned out to be a hoax. And so I apologize for once giving you bad information. I take my job as a relayer of all that is Fair and Balanced very seriously, and I ASSURE that there will never be a mistake on this website again.

This is downright hilarious. A scam in Japan resulted in hundreds of Japanese people buying sheep because they thought they were poodles. The story contains this incredible line: One couple said they became suspicious when they took their "dog" to have its claws trimmed and were told it had hooves.
What? The Japanese, who are known for their technological prowess, are only "suspicious" when they discover that their pet dog has hooves? And did the vet they took the "poodle" to not recognize that it was a sheep? Of course, the best part is that poodles totally suck and sheep are kind of funny, so these people were better off with sheep anyway.

It's noon on Monday, and you need something to get you through the second half of you day. I think this may do the trick (Warning: The volume on this thing is way too loud, so turn the volume down). Alright, Art and I are off to get some pizza. Me and D-Mac had some on Friday, and when he gives me his 2 cents I'll let you know how it was.
NOTE: When I posted this, I honestly had no idea he just died. Someone just sent me an email with him dancing in it. That being said, though, Boris always struck me as a pretty fun loving guy, and I don't think he'd mind being honored by posting his dance moves.

Ok, so this is weird, and I'm kind of wondering it it's true. There is a politician in India named Adolf Lu Hitler Marak. He is in the state of Maghalaya. While reading about him, I came to this sentence, "It may be noted that his name is not particularly curious within Meghalaya, where other local politicians are named Lenin R. Marak, Stalin L. Nangmin, Frankenstein W. Momin, or Tony Curtis Lyngdoh." Hitler, Lenin, Stalin, Frankenstein, Tony Curtis. A five headed hydra of evil, if you ask me.

Do you think any couples in Seattle are making this offer for playoff tickets? Nooooooo.

I was sitting in my neighborhood coffee shop, checking to see if any cute girls had contacted me on Myspace*** when I received an urgent message from Trivia Art, which read simply, "Naked Chicks on Walnut Street, Noon Today." Being a responsible local journalist, I hopped into the Quizmobile and headed to Walnut Street in a flash. You see, these weren't just naked chicks, these were PETA naked chicks, protesting burberry out in front of the burberry store. Now, I have long protested burberry, because burberry is the Hummer of clothing patterns, worn by rich people with no personality to show other rich people with no personality that they can afford it.

Where was I? Oh yes, so I decided to go to PETA's protest because I hate burberry and because I think it is terrible that animals are tortured to make these stupid scarves. I also went because I wanted to see boobies. Well, the ladies were cute but they weren't totally naked, and to make matters worse, they had a giant sign over their boobies. Something about fur being bad, etc. Anyways, the point here is that fur is terrible and that when somebody says that there are naked chicks on Walnut Street and you are a creepy enough guy (like me!) to go check it out, expect to be somewhat disappointed.
Related: bloodyburberry.com

***the answer was no. Cute girls never contact me on Myspace. The only person who ever contacts me on Myspace is Chip Chantry, grumbling about how cute girls never contact him on Myspace.

Here is the opening paragraph of a story out of Turkey: A crew of mechanics at Istanbul's airport were so glad to be rid of some trouble-prone British-made airplanes that they sacrificed a camel on the tarmac in celebration — prompting the firing Wednesday of their supervisor.

Isn't it a miracle that every plane flying out of Istanbul hasn't come crashing down to earth moments after take-off, when you consider that these Neanderthals who SACRIFICED A LIVE CAMEL ON THE TARMAC were the mechanics! Also, keep in mind that this is Istanbul, the metropolitan hub of the country. Can you imagine what they are sacrificing in the small villages? Gypsies? Finally, I can just can just imagine a sweet old American couple who have taken their first big overseas trip in a while sitting in the airplane as it coasts toward the tarmac, having just arrived in Istanbul.

Woman: Hey sweetie, my eyes are bad. Can you tell me what those gentlemen are doing over there?
Man: Hmmm, it's hard to tell. Let me just get my binoculars. OK, let's see...JESUS F****** C*****!!! These maniacs are sacrificing a live f****** camel! I told you we should have gone to Paris!"
Turkish officials fire airport chief mechanic over camel sacrifice.
AND SINCE WE'RE TALKIN' 'BOUT CAMELS Scouting out Camel Toads at the pool, the funniest letter to an advice columnist ever sent (sfw).

A lot of people asked me about flagpole sting after last night's question, "What fad was Shipwreck Kelly the king of?" There were tons of people climbing flag poles back then, so it must have been kool to look up and just see a bunch of people perched like birds all over the landscape as you made you way to work. Anyways, here is the best write up on it I could find.

Ancient Romans used urine as mouthwash, and Portuguese Urine was considered to be primo, only used by aristocrats. What's more, it actually worked! Urine contains ammonia, which is still used in dental products. Here's the lowdown.

I was getting ready to post a few lines about the Kenny Rogers pine tar incident, so I decided to do a little research on Tigers pitcher Kenny Rogers. Of course, he's not the first Kenny Rogers to come up when you search that name. But the 2nd thing to come up is the most interesting. It's the Men Who Look Like Kenny Rogers page, where people take photos of men that they think look like Kenny Rogers (the singer) and post them on this website.
Bonus Fun Fact: Kenny Rogers Greatest Hits was the first album I ever owned. Yes, I'm old enough to have owned records in a non-ironic way.

-A 14 year old learned a valuable lesson this past week when she thought she could threaten Bush on Myspace.

-Am I the only one who kind of hopes that this story about dude jumping off the Whitman was like a Fugitive thing where he dove off the bridge and then remained underwater for a few minutes and then came up on the Philly shore and tried to find the real killer? That would be awesome.

-Life's not easy for us beautiful people. It's hard to get things done when people are constantly trying to pick us up. Well, one of my fellow prisoners of beauty decided to do something about it-make herself ugly thru plastic surgery.

-Oh, and one thing we learned last week that I forgot to mention: Wawa's orange flavored milk is kind of gross.

Damn, yo, Weird Al's still got it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present for your approval, cats that look like Hitler.

- Trivia Art

Last night, my friend Suzanne and I decided to meet up with Palestra Jon and Trivia Art at Dark Horse for quizzo. But we were both hungry, so first we decided to grab something to eat. After a bit of debate, we finally settled on one thing we could both agree on: Jim's. Jim's is a place where I always tend to go when I have family in town, but never really seem to go otherwise. I don't know why. Now I know what you're thinking: Johnny, if you're going to grab a cheesesteak, why not get one from a man who is a total bigot? Well, we weren't in South Philly, and I also didn't want a cheesesteak that tastes like cardboard, so we decided against Geno's. The cheeseteak at Jim's was delicious, as always. After dinner we headed off to quizzo, where we lost a tie-breaker for second place. Once quizzo was over, I found myself hungry again. "Anybody up for wings?" I asked. "Yes", came the reply from Art and Suzanne. So we headed to Moriarity's. That's right. Jim's Steaks and Moriarity's wings on the same night. Praise me, people. Next week, a repeat, but with a Lorenzo's slice!

I received a great email yesterday. This is how it read: I work for an Entertainment and Sports Marketing firm and was wondering if you had Manute Bol's contact information and/or his agent. It is regarding an appearance in a commercial and this info would be much appreciated. Thanks for your help.

Somebody actually asked me if I had Manute Bol's contact information! That rules! I don't know if it was spam or not, though. The guys e-mail address name was Burns 1. That's a little fishy. Here's another e-mail I received a couple of months ago: Hi Johnny, I'm working on a show for CMT called "Greatest Moments: Toby Keith" and am interested in using the photo you have on your site of Natalie Maines wearing her FUTK T-shirt (see attachment). Do you have a higher res version of this image?

I wrote her back that I did not have a high res image, but that if she wanted someone to do a lot of hating on Toby Keith for her show, I would love to. I haven't heard back from her.

What? You thought I was just going to let that stupid ribbon thing go? You've got to be kidding me. Not when there is a website that lets you make your own ribbon! Please, Please send me any ribbons you make and if they're funny I will post them on the website, along with your name, (if you want). Just send them to johnny@johnnygoodtimes.com.

The Ku Klux Klan wants to adopt a highway, but apparently people think that there is enough white trash on the side of the road. So the Klan had to take it's case to the highest court in the land (besides the People's Court): the Supreme Court.

This is incredible! Some teenage kid called Donovan McNabb, said he was James Thrash and that he was in trouble and needed $600, and McNabb wired him the money!!! I mean, I could see Donovan helping out Deuce if he needed cash, but not Thrash.

Christmas in the Stars
Many have wondered how the George Lucas who wrote Indiana Jones, and directed the first Star Wars, I mean fourth Star Wars, could be the same person who subjected us to Jar Jar Binks. But lets face it, the writing has been on the wall for a long time. Ewoks. Need I say more? No I don't, because there is a Star Wars Christmas Album, Christmas in the Stars! And luckily this site critiques the album and even offers you the chance to listen.

You might imagine that Jessica Simpson's father is a proud pappa, but did you expect him to go on raving about Jessica's breasts? Well he did. "If you put [Jessica Simpson] in a T-shirt or you put her in a bustier, she's sexy in both. She's got double D's. You can't cover those suckers up."

Hospitals Cover Up Lance Armstrong LiveStrong Bracelets

A hospital chain is taping over patients' LiveStrong wristbands because they are yellow; the same color as the "do not resuscitate" bands it puts on patients who do not want to be saved if their heart stops.

You asked for more Hall and Oates, you get more Hall and Oates. Here's a hilarious interview they did. They're actually pretty funny.

A grain of cereal shaped like E.T. sold for big bucks on E-Bay.

A group of guys that play quizzo sometimes at Doc's were able to turn Vladimir vodka into Ketel One vodka through a simple filtration system, and show you how you can do the same!!!

Ralph Nader is demanding a recount!!! Johnny briefly discusses last night's party on the message board. (It's the response to "Your 3 fans want to know.")

Are you kidding me? A Howard Eskin bobblehead doll in a fur coat? I've never rooted for PETA before, but now I'm not so sure. If you want one, better head to (get it, head to? No, you get out!) kingbobblehead.com.

Former writer for a San Jose newspaper blasts Terrell Owens. To see what Johnny thinks of TO, go to the message board.

McDonalds only wants skinny people appearing in their commercials.

This one is hilarious! It might take a couple of seconds to load, but it's well worth it. It Bush's final attack ad versus Kerry. Thanks to Tracy for sending me this link. Also, things on the message board are getting pretty heated, if anyone cares to chime in.

Here's a breakdown of how people voted by race, age, gender, income, etc. Pretty interesting. Also, I hear Toronto isn't such a bad city to move to. If you're interested in leaving the country for four years and moving north, here's what you can expect. If you're wondering about how Award Winner Johnny Goodtimes feels about the whole election, check out "What went Wrong" on the message board.

After being reamed by Jon Stewart, Crossfire hosts Tucker Carlson and Paul Begala booked Conan O'Brian's Triumph the Insult Comic Dog yesterday.

Why the electoral college blows. The writer of this article disagrees, but he's a moron. Does he really think that Americans would vote for Lyndon LaRouche if their was no electoral college? What a toolbox.

It may not have been the fall that many wanted to see, but Cuban Dictator Fidel Castro went down hard, and who doesn't want to see video of that?

Hey, here's the proof of one of this week's true or false questions: that Republicans enjoy sex more than Democrats.

A dolphin i saw being born in 2001 is in the news, thanks to getting surgery done on his dorsal fin. And though I didn't work with the guy in the photo, a bunch of my friends did, and they all say he's a total prick.

Jon Stewart defends his Crossfire appearance. (If you haven't seen the Crossfire appearance, I highly suggest you scroll down a little bit and dowload it.) If you have a phone line, here's the transcript of the show.

High Times is endorsing John Kerry. But fear not, Republicans. Pat Buchanan is officially endorsing Bush!

Have you guys seen Jon Stewart's performance on Crossfire yet? If not, you have to see this! This is the full interview where he calls Tucker Carlson a dick on national tv.

With the playoffs upon us, let's relive the excitement of last year's biggest play.

The A-Team is coming to the big screen!

As we fight terrorism, it's an embarrasment that we celebrate the original terrorist. Here's a little bit more about the man who "discovered" America. On a lighter note, I'm a sucker for sappy animal stories.

Cemetery Puts in Artificial Turf (AP)

The Sunset Hills Memorial Park cemetery is giving up grass in favor of artificial turf.

This is just terrific. Ex-NFL player pulls a drive by on Siegfried and Roy!!!! It's a wonderful world.

Here's a funny of video of Will Ferrell impersonating George Bush.

A website not scared to tell us the truth about the evils of lip balm!

What?

This is a fairly interesting article about Houston, whose record for sleeping with the most men in a 24 hour period (620) was recently broken.

Save her from two masked intruders who break into your home! Even if you have to set the whole thing up, like this guy in Oklahoma did!

The Amish are some of the best lovemakers around, says a new study. Learn their secrets!

Boy, I bet Paris Hilton (who, by the way, is completely hideous) won't make that mistake agian. I think she learned a valuable lesson from that first video. What? You've got to be kidding me.

Here's my latest hilarious attempt to find love on craigslist personals. If you didn't read my first one, check this out.

Learn to pick up cute girls like Johnny does with the following pick up lines!

Christina Aguilera calls Britney's wedding pathetic.

This one's hilarious. It's about ninjas. (Stories and Question of the Week below.)

Thought you guys might enjoy this personal i put on craigslist. Not to toot my own horn, but it's a masterpiece.

Here's a sampling of all the lies being told by both Bush and Kerry.

Are you racist because you didn't root for the Dream Team this year?

Clerk accepts fake $200 'Bush' bill

Reuters - At first glance it looked like the real thing, so store clerk Kathryn Miller was happy to accept the $200 bill as
payment -- and even make change.

Is it George Bush or a chimp?

finally a website gives us a list of the top ten My Little Ponies ever! This is pretty funny.

Thirsty Dad Allegedly Starts 'Brew-Haha'

A man has been arrested on charges of beating his son when the boy refused to turn over his video game system so it could be pawned for beer money.

These are the kinds of things that happen when you're stupid and can't earn beer money through quizzo.

Nature Calls
Being 19 and criminally charged for taking a big dump and clogging a toilet- $500. Reading an article trying to explain it all? Priceless.

Bride, Once Boring, Now Known As Bland (AP)

If going from the sublime to the ridiculous is not your idea of a good time, how about the bride who made the switch from Boring to Bland? While it might not sound very exciting, she and the man she was marrying managed to catch the attention of television talk show host talk Jay Leno even before they tied the knot.

Talking Pizzas - The New Advertising Medium for Super Bowl?

Newly invented, unique, hand held food embossing (imprinting) tools are expected to create lasting gourmet impressions for consumers and new revenue streams for advertisers. Interactive Super Bowl advertising of embossed team logos and messages would be fun and quite effective. The cost would be a fraction of traditional advertising mediums (like TV commercials) and would be a mega hit, lasting indefinitely instead of minutes.

"Fun and effective", that's what the press release says, more likely a sign of the apocolypse. More fun at the company's web site.

Looking for something to do this weekend? How about a road trip to Washington DC to check out the National Rock Paper Scissors Championship.

Looking for a deal on a casket? Look no further than your local Costco. Two Costco stores are now offering six models of caskets manufactured by Universal Casket. No truth to the rumor that you have to purchase the caskets in bulk.

Now you can booze it up without even drinking. Sure to be a favorite of the low-carb group, the catchily titled Alcohol without Liquid Machine gives users the opportunity to inhale an alcohol vapor that leads to "a sense of well-being" and doesn't produce hangovers.

Black Bear shuns Busch, thinks global, drinks local. A black bear was found sleeping off a drinking binge in a state park in Washington state. The bear broke into a camper's cooler and after trying out some Busch beer settled on local brewer Rainier, polishing off 36 cans before deciding to take a nap.

Oh Craps
Twin Trouble
The headlines could go on forever. The Modesto Bee reports two football playing brothers at the University of Nevada were arrested on unrelated charges last week. Rodney was arrested for bank robbery, and later confessed to three others. Good brother Randy, was only charged with burglary and forging checks. Rodney who had turned to bank robbery after racking up large debts gambling was philosophical about the arrest, "With craps, you have a 50-50 chance of coming away with money … like robbing a bank."

Choke Artist Latrell Sprewell does more than just attack coaches, he's an inventor too! Not only is he credited with coming up with those spinning rims that we've all added to our Escalades, but now he's brought the same technology to athletic shoes. Pre-order yours today.

Is your name hot or not? An MIT cognitive scientist posted pictures to HotOrNot.com with different names to see which names got better rankings. For boys, vowels pronounced with the front of the mouth scored higher. The oposite is true of women, fuller names like Laura score higher than those with smaller vowel sounds.

OK, what's weirder? That there really is a product called Mecca Cola, or that there are counterfeits of it. We at johnnygoodtimes.com cannot decide either, but are sure profits will skyrocket with copy like this:
"One of the perversions of capitalism lies in the generation within oneself of the most brutal and the most inhumane part of oneself."

"I just want to spoon." Haven't been hit up with that line yet? Well get ready for it. The next big thing in NYC seems to be cuddle parties.

When nerds get tattoos. Who knew there were people out there that think permanently altering your body with an Apple logo is a good idea.

A few months ago Henry Earl made the Internet rounds, what with his hundreds of arrests for alcohol intoxication and hilarious arrest photos. It is always worth checking in with Henry and seeing if he's currently incarcerated by the fine folks of the Lexington-Fayette Urban County Government Division of Community Corrections. Be sure to click the Image History on the left for more great shots of Henry.

Watch Will Ferrell as President Bush at the White House West.

Finally, a website dedicated to bringing you the hottest in furniture porn.

Finally! A website that tells you how to fix household appliances-in haiku form! The Samurai appliance repair man's official website.

Here's the official Ralph Nader website.

Click here to take a test to find out which member of the Simpson's you resemble most. (Sad to say, I'm Barney.)

Here's some pretty kool optical illusions.

The Simpsons creators announced that Springfield is soon going to legalize gay marriage, and that one of the characters on the show is going to have a gay marriage.

Here's an interesting article about scandal at the ancient Olympics.

I'm putting this one back up just to make sure everybody sees it. This is an incredible parody of Bush and Kerry. If you haven't seen it already, you've got to check it out. It's hilarious. Thanks to White Wilt and a couple of the cuties on the Omelette for passing this on. If you know of a great website worth checking out, please feel free to contact me, and I might put it on the site.

Here's the official site of the Darwin Awards, given to people who die in the stupidest ways.

I'm putting this one back on, in case you missed it last week. It might be the weirdest one ever.

Kid gets into trouble at school for having a bitchin' hairstyle. Also, if you didn't take this test the other day, you have to take it now.

I'm the real Saddam, yes I'm the real Saddam.

This may be it. Warning: Parts of it are tasteless, and not suitable for work (don't click on gennies), but most of it is ok, and downright amazing.

Ever wondered how much you weigh on Saturn? Now you can finally know. And you might not want to know how much you would weigh on Jupiter. Trust me. I'm going on Atkins as soon as I get there.

Dick Cheney says, "You better start eatingW ketchup, so you won't be supporting the Heinz's!

Here's a website of the dumbest laws in the world.

Hey gang, if you do ever do decide to smuggle 17 pounds of cocaine onto Amtrak, I suggest that you do not smoke a joint on said train.

Ever wondered what to do if your car is teetering over thge edge of a cliff? Well, now you've got the know-how! Remember, Johnny's not just a game show host. He's a lifesaver.

Find out here!

Here's a presidential quiz you all might enjoy.

This game is a lot of fun, but highly addictive. I still can't believe that girl made those pics with ketchup.

Check out Rock Paper Saddam!

Did you know that you can use Coca Cola to clean your toilet? Or Colgate as spackle? Or Miracle Whip as a hair conditioner? There are hundreds of strange uses for household items on this website.

Ever wonder how much your body would be worth on the black market? Find out at humansforsale.com! I'm worth $1,836,000.

If you've got broadband, go here to see some Ripley's Believe it or Not videos.

Tanya Harding gets a good ol' fashioned Nancy Kerrigan style beatdown.

With the summer concert season upon us and the line in front of port-a-johns 20 or 30 deep aren't you glad you brought your p-mates? Be like a guy and make just about anywhere your toilet with the p-mate, bringing the glory of peeing standing up to women everywhere.

Linguists find the Tshiluba language word Ilunga the most difficult word to translate. Second place went to a Yiddish word, shlimazl, which means "a chronically unlucky person" or as its known in these parts, "a Philadelphia sports fan." More...

Yes that is Whiplash, the 17-year old Capuchian monkey, riding a collie and herding sheep at the Old Fort Days Rodeo in Fort Smith Arkansas.

Thai prisoners play elephants in soccer in hopes of discouraging gambling on the European Soccer Championships. And being a soccer game, the game ended in a tie.

This is an excellent review of the Vanilla Ice movie, Cool as Ice. (The first couple of paragraphs are dumb, but skip down to where he starts reviewing the movie.)

Not really a story as much as it is a wacky website. If you like Pac Man, and you like insane people, I think you'll enjoy this one.

Grigorii Rasputins privates are currently being used to cure impotence (Warning: picture of a pickled peter portrayed on the page)

This is one of the wackiest ever. It's a news story about an inflatable sheep.

Jelly Belly is saddened by the death of Ronald Reagan.

This sad tale is of a boy who isn't allowed to bring a porn star to his prom.

A man claims to have found Atlantis.

Hey guys, sorry the stories are up a day late, but the server went down yesterday, so there was nothing I could do. Anyway, here's the recipe you've all been waiting for: Cicada chip cookies.

Ladies Night has been deemed illegal in New Jersey.

The last Civil War widow just died. Seriously!

A few last words from men about to be executed.

Well, gentlemen, you are about to see a baked Appel.
Executed in electric chair in New York.~~ George Appel, d. 1928

You sons of bitches. Give my love to Mother.
Executed in electric chair.~~ Francis "Two Gun" Crowley, d. 1931

How about this for a headline for tomorrow's paper? French fries.
Executed in electric chair in Oklahoma.~~ James French, d. 1966

I'd rather be fishing.
Executed in electric chair, Louisiana.
~~ Jimmy Glass, d. June 12, 1987

I did not get my Spaghetti-O's, I got spaghetti. I want the press to know this.
Executed by injection, Oklahoma.
~~ Thomas J. Grasso, d. March 20, 1995

Here's some great Nixon quotes that were recently released by Kissinger.

This one's about a man who's bringing his ex-wife along with him on his honeymoon.

Possible terrorism at 30th Street? Nope, just a sleepy SEPTA employee.

Check this story out about a guy who coated his hotel room with Vaseline.

The bad news was that Dubya fell off his bike on Saturday. The good news is that he inspired this week's question. What was the name of Chuck's bike store in Pee Wee Herman's Big Adventure? (w/o question one of Johnny's favorite all-time movies.) And no, Amazing Larry doesn't have anything to share with the rest of us.

Johnny's streak of going to weddings without hooking up with a bridesmaid reached double digits this past weekend in Virginia Beach, and he ended his Saturday night sleeping alone in a chair. "Hey, almost all the girls at the thing were taken already. I really didn't have a chance." Not so, says Goodtime basher Goobie Treehearne. "Johnny just has no game. That worthless knowledge rap may work with the chicks in Philly, but babes in Virginia Beach could really give a shit about who the last Whig president was." Johnny quickly fired back. "First of all, Millard Fillmore was the last Whig president. Secondly, I'd love to know what gives Goobie the impression that the worthless knowledge rap works with chicks in Philly." At that point, local voice of reason Kix Drummond chimed in. "Listen, Johnny Goodtimes is like a rock star, except that he's not kool, he doesn't have any money, and he never pulls any leg."