Recently in Quizzo Category

I am hoping to have the website redone in the next week or so. When I do, I think I've found a new motto. I was directed to this Yelp site recently, where someone was asking about quizzos. A man who refers to himself as the Bald Buffoon wrote: I've seen Johnny Goodtimes...I thought he was slightly better than average, but still pretty lame. That is simply the perfect JGT motto: Slightly better than average, but still pretty lame.

Finally, comedy show tonight at the Khyber. The drinks are obnoxiously cheap (I think it's$1 PBRs and $2 Lagers) and it's gonna be a great show, with some of my favorite local comedians, Aaron Hertzog, Eric Todd, and John Kensil. There are also rumors of me in a shower scene. If you haven't been to the Chip Chantry One Man Show yet, I highly recommend it. Very funny stuff. 8 p.m. $5 cheap.

• Black Sheep Standings.
• Good Dog Standings.
• Bards on Thursday standings.

• O'Neals Rankings
• Bards Tuesday Rankings
• Locust Rendezvous Rankings

More power to him, and I wish him the best in his venture (As you may remember, Quizmaster Chris is not such a big fan). But that kind of thing is just not for me. People sometimes ask me why I've never franchised. I've looked into it a couple of times, and each time decided I had no desire to. It's just that the thought of going corporate...seems really lame. Half of the fun of quizzo is it's organic nature, where people in the city who are into quizzo debate who has a better quiz, me or Irish John or (before he moved) Pat Hines, and where the guy who runs the business is the guy who hands you the score sheets and asks the questions. I understand that there is big money to be made in franchising, but to be perfectly honest, I don't have any desire to take a phone call at midnight from Chauncey in Chicago because his speaker is busted or have to go to a business meeting with Dwight at Buffalo Billiards in Allentown because sales are down. Maybe that makes me lazy. I don't know. One time I was talking to someone about franchising and they said that the ultimate goal in franchising "is to eventually sell the business to some big chain like Friday's or something for a million bucks." If I ever walked by a Friday's and saw "Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Tonight", I wouldn't care how much money I had in the bank. I'd want to blow my freaking brains out.

Also, final quizzo ever at the Good Dog this Thursday! When I started there, like 6 years ago, they wanted to use quizzo to help get people used to hanging out upstairs. While I don't want to take too much credit for the resulting success upstairs (I think it had more to do with what a kickass bar the Good Dog is), it finally got to a point where quizzo was no longer really necessary. (And, truth be told, the Good Dog quizzo crowd evolved from a rowdy bunch of partiers to more cerebral types who were more likely to drink water than booze. Higher scores lately, but lower bar bills. And I don't get paid for high scores.) On the one hand, it is a little sad to move on. I have thoroughly enjoyed working with Dave, Heather, Lisa, Erin, and the whole gang, and really enjoyed the intimacy of the room. That being said, however, I am kind of excited to try something new. I have had the same routine for years now, and I'm kind of excited to break out of it and find a new spot, which I don't think will be exceedingly difficult to do. I'm going on vacation on April 11-17, and after I get back I'll start looking for a new place to quiz. I've got a few spots in mind. Let me know if you've got any thoughts on places to look at.

Here's the trailer that was shown at Quizzo Bowl. (The highlight of it in my mind is without a doubt Garbo's interview). Hopefully we'll see the whole movie on the big screen by the end of the year. As for scores and story, I hope to have both up later this afternoon. The computer is in Ginger's car, and she's in Phoenixville, but she's coming back in a few hours.

You're welcome.

Another note: for the last three weeks things have been INSANE at the Bards on Thursdays and kind of quiet on Tuesdays. If you want to be play at the Bards and be assured a good seat, you might wanna think about Tuesdays. It's fun when it's crazy on Thursdays, but I'd just like to split it up a little better.

I'm also going to make this point again: if you are going out to quizzo, do not order water and split an order of fries between five of you. It is poor form. You are certainly not required to drink at quizzo, and I would never pressure anyone to do so. But if you don't drink, please be considerate of your server and order food. This is fortunately not a widespread problem but it does occasionally come up so I'm just putting it out there.

If you have not done so already, please check me out On Demand. Go to Free Movies>>>Scene It Trivia>>>History-1. We should have a new one up soon as well. I'll keep ya updated. And any feedback about the program would be greatly appreciated. Have fun in the snow, and check back in a few because I'm gonna tell you about a new project me, Trivia Art, and BMT are working on.

• The reason that I was using my own music for intro and weekly double wasn't because I was shamelessly self promoting. It was because it is the only music I have that I have the rights to. And without having the rights, they can't play it on the TV.
• Samantha Brown is very nice. And quite cute. She also had a sore throat, so that's why she was a little hard to hear. I wish the crowd could have been a little more subtle than screaming "SPEAK LOUDER! WE CAN'T HEAR YOU!" when she started to speak. After she got done, she said, "Rough crowd," to which I responded, "Welcome to Philadelphia." I doubt she gets screamed at at most of the other cities she visits.
• There was one guy at last night's quiz who seemed really angry that there was a TV crew there. I mean, really, really angry. When the camera guys came by his table, he was like, "Go away! No seriously, do you not hear me? Go away!" Simmer down, home skillet. If the purity of your quizzo was sacrificed by the TV thing, there is a new quiz tonight. No TV cameras. No celebrity appearances. Just you, me and 40 questions. Oh, and the other teams. If it was just you and me it would be kind of weird.
• For those who think I just sold out, all I can say is, "Puh-leeez. I sold out years ago. See Traffic.com, MyFOXPhilly, Comcast On Demand, etc. I've been a corporate hack for years."
• There was a team named "Samantha Brown, Buy Us a Round". At the end of the game, she bought them a round.
• The show will probably air around May sometime.

Last night I asked what televangelist got busted with a prostitute in 1988, and said, "Lord I have sinned against you." Well above is a short documentary on the fallout. Here is a pic of the prostitute he got busted with...the first time. I cannot find full video of this sermon anywhere, which is unbelievable. Here is the script of that famous speech. After he took a three month absence from the pulpit, Swaggart returned, saying, "If I don't return to the pulpit this weekend, millions of people will go to hell." Jimmy, who interestingly enough is cousins with Jerry Lee Lewis, got in trouble again in 1991 when he was caught with another hooker. Rather than confessing to the congregation this time, however, he told them that "The Lord told me it's flat none of your business." Ozzy Osbourne recorded a song about Swaggart called Miracle Man. Swaggart is still preaching the word of God, and God has to be extremely pleased with this development. Jim really seems like a pretty terrific guy. And he plays a pretty mean piano. (Seriously, his music isn't that bad.)

• Black Sheep stats for 2008.
• Good Dog stats for 2008.
• Bards Thursday stats for 2008.

• O'Neals Final Stats for 2008.
• Bards Tuesday Final Stats for 2008.
• Locust Rendezvous Final Stats for 2008.

• Tonight, we kick off at the Rendezvous at 6:15. The Mission, as always? Knock off the Jams.
• Then, at 8 p.m., Duane's World goes for 5 straight at the Black Sheep. Can you stop them?

RELATED: More Geek Bowl goodness.

There is also a problem that doesn't happen much but sometimes it does and I need to throw out a reminder. Do not come to quizzo if you are going to drink water and not order any food. I mean, you don't gotta drink, but if you're not gonna eat either then I would rather you not come. No offense, but these bars are running a business not a charity. If you've got a table of 8 and your bill is $20 you are wasting everybody's time and space. Again, this is pretty rare and hardly worth mentioning, but I just want to make sure we're all on the same page here.

Biggest hot streaks right now? Duane's World has won 4 in a row. The Jams have won 3. As far as best chances to win? I'd say right now, the Black Sheep may have supplanted the Good Dog as most wide open. No offense to Duane' World, who are a great team, but they have not had a good, solid rival in a while, now that Catdog has been scarce. If you want a solid shot at winning, I'd suggest Black Sheep.

And finally, a rather amusing antecdote for all of you Sofa Kingdom haters out there. They missed 3 questions out of a total of 80 in two quizzos this week...and lost both quizzos.

1. The Caribou and the moose actually belong to what family of animals?
2. Three of Henry VIII's wives had the same first name. What was it?
3. Where on the body will you find the acqueos humor and the hyaloid canal?
4. What's the last name of Kurt Cobain's former wife?
5. What is a female sheep called?
6. By George, he's written a conservative column for the Washington Post since the 1970s and also written several books about baseball.
7. What letter came before the word boat in the name of these German submarines used in both World War I and World War 2?
8. Queen Elizabeth I had this Queen of Scots executed for treason in 1587.
9. What is the postal code for Maine?
10. Questlove doesn't normally start his name with a Q, but with this, sometimes called an interrogation point?

**Brian and Meghan are now married and living together in the Pottstown, and have since welcomed a daughter, Lily Rose, to their family.

Alex sounds like a royal tool. I could be wrong and nieve, but it's been my experience that most regular, contending teams don't cheat. Since we have a community here, regular teams know that their good name would be ruined if a cell phone was used and they got called out on it. Sometimes I see teams cheating and I let it go, because almost always the team that is cheating is like 40 points behind the leader and that team could keep Ken Jennings on speakerphone and still get crushed, so it is irrelevant. And I also keep in mind that it's a game, so if a team with two players that isn't going to win anyway wants to ask the bartender for an answer, I have no problem with that. And then we've got teams like the one at Black Sheep last week, who I told over the speaker, "I would appreciate it if you guys would be a little less shameless about your cheating. There were like 5 guys, all checking their iphones. But again, they were struggling to cross the 40 point plateau, so I wasn't going to throw a fit about it.

Kudos, Milwaukee Quizmaster. Bollocks indeed! Viva la Quiz!

• O'Neals 8 p.m.
• Bards 10:15 p.m.

UPDATE: Yes, we will have quizzo tonight.

By they way, my prediction is: resume play on Thursday, travel to Tampa (if necessary) and the next two games would be on Friday and Saturday.

Sofa Kingdom missed a perfect score last night because of a question they missed in the speed round. You had 2 minutes to list ten US capital cities that are 6 letters or less. They listed St. Paul. I did not accept it, as Saint Paul is a 9 letter city. Should I have accepted St. Paul as a 6-letter city?

Quizmaster Chris has replaced that quiz with a new one on Wednesday nights at Ray's Happy Birthday Bar at 9 p.m.

• Got another celebrity judging gig lined up! That's right, I'm going to be judging the Dirty Sketch competition at the Khyber next Monday. (Warning: Bad words will pop up if you click here.) Listen, if you have an event coming up and need a celebrity judge, I'm your guy!
• Bounty Bowl at the Rendezvous this week. The Jams have actually won 6 in a row, but I didn't bother counting 'til this week. $20 cash in addition to gift certificate for any team that beats 'em.
• Things this past Tuesday were brutally slow, but reports of quizzos impending demise were greatly exaggerated, as Wednesday was decent, and both spots were packed Thursday. Best chance for a table at quizzo this week: O'Neals and Bards tonight.
• On Wednesday, Ginger's IPA club (read: beer drinkin' women, above. Btw, see if you can find Trivia Art in that photo.) will be playing at the Black Sheep. Again, there will be numerous attractive single women who love beer at the Black Sheep on Wednesday. But you'll just be there for the questions.

There will be no Sofa Kingdom, no Hurtin' Bombs, and no Narctyzing Dysfunktion tonight at the Bards quizzo. Translation: Your team might actually win! Remember, no quizzo at Good Dog tonight. Quizzo at Bards begins at 10:15 p.m.

• Quizzo apparently starting to take off in Charlotte. I went to Charlotte once. It is basically an entire city of Kildare's fans. I would love to involve them in a city vs. city smackdown so we could kick their asses.
• Ken Jennings almost gets to ask Jewel a question.
• Some sort of big quizzo event going on at Bally's Beach Bar in Atlantic City on June 7th at 3 p.m. Should be about a $5,000 pot. Don't have a lot of details yet, but will let you know as soon as I do.
• Just have to have to acknowledge one of the teams from last night. The Cornbread Mafia, after seeing the goat video and the question of the week, were convinced that the wild card round was going to be on goats. So they printed out about 8-10 pages of goat facts, and studied them thoroughly in the hours leading up to game time. Sadly, there were no questions about goats at last nights quizzo, but the team is now a veritable fountain of valuable goat info. If you have any goat related questions or concerns, please direct them to the Cornbread Mafia.

JohnniE pointed this 54 hour trivia event out to me last night, and I did a little research on it today. Pretty interesting. It's been going on since 1969, and I still haven't completely figured out how it works, but apparently, people play in teams of like 25, there are 450 teams, and the radio station asks questions on-air. The teams then figure it out, and get points awarded on some convoluted scale depending on how many teams there are. It's going down this weekend. The video above is the trailer for a movie they did about it a few years ago. Here's some more info:

• Here's the basics of it. Here are some sample questions from 1987-1995, and they are downright impossible.


• If you are a complete and total trivia nerd (and you are) you can listen to this years contest via live streaming.


• Here is the official website.


• Finally, I think we should do a trivia marathon. Like the 24 hours of Le Mans, except with trivia. Don't ya think?

• Only One Version of Quizzo This Week! In other words, you can only play once this week. I just have too much stuff to do to get ready for Quizzo Bowl to write up two sets of questions.
• UPDATE: D-Mac to host wild card round at the Bards Thursday night. Should be pretty hilarious.
• Speaking of D-Mac, he and I teamed up with some lovely ladies to finish a disappointing 5th at Irish John's quizzo on Sunday night (that's us dejected, above, after the loss). But I rebounded on Monday, as Gabe and I joined Palestra Jon's team and set a new Dark Horse scoring record, missing only one question (In what country was St. Patrick born? We put Wales, and it was England).
• I will have tickets on me tonight at quizzo, so get your team right and get your tickets tonight.

Last night I played at Tangier and then talked to Irish John afterwards. He told me that one time, some guy started shouting out answers, so he went over to him and: "I didn't hit him hard enough to knock him down, but I hit him hard enough to let him know that he needed to quit shouting out the ******* answers." One time he caught a guy in the bathroom with an encyclopedia. A few weeks later, this same guy left midway through a round after the question, "What is in a B-52?" was asked. He reappeared a few minutes later with the correct answer. Turns out, he had walked to the bar next door, asked the bartender what was in a B-52, and then returned. John gave him a lifetime ban. Of course, I almost got into a fight at Dark Horse quizzo once. But without question, my favorite quizzo attack was this one.

• Word on the street is that it is too tough to win a Johnny Goodtimes quizzo. The people spreading these rumors have obviously never played at the Good Dog, where a one man team has won the last two weeks. The Good Dog is wide slam open. Anybody can win there. 8 p.m. 15th and Locust
• Another urban myth: The Sofa Kingdom is unbeatable. They have lost by 24, 13, and 20 points in the last two weeks. They're in a slump. Now's your chance to kick their asses. Bards 20th and Walnut 10:15 p.m.
• Photos of all of the teams that played this week will be on the site manana. Also coming tommorow: the Return of the Donspiracist!

Also, gonna start a new quizzo at Draught Horse up by Temple on Monday. I won't always be hosting it, as have hired a new man, named Doctor Sandman. More on him later this week. Anyways, the details are as follows: Monday nights at 8 p.m. at the Draught Horse (1431 Cecil B. Moore Ave.) Ifou know anybody at Temple law school, please let them know. Thanks!

Finally, just need to hear from one more member of the band and we'll be good to go for QB4. However, he's the star of the show, so I can't really do anything until I can confirm him for March 29th. Hopefully today.

1. Before becoming a one hit wonder in 2000, this artist was a member of the group Dru Hill.

2. Who originally recorded the song Macarena?

3. Who had a hit with the song Barbie Girl?

4. Who had a hit with the song Mambo Number 5?

5. Who let the Dogs Out?

6. Who had a hit with the song, It's Raining Men?

7. What rapper recorded quite possibly the worst rap ever, Get Low?

8. Who had a hit with the song, What if God Was One of Us?

9. What song included the lines:
So I'm ready to attack, gonna lead the pack
Gonna get a touchdown, gonna take you out
That's right, put your pom-poms down, getting everybody fired up

10. Who sang the annoying yet awesome song, Mr. Roboto?

1. Slyders
2. Bacon Cheeseburger Toaster
3. Big Buford
4. Monster Thickburger
5. Sourdough Jack
6. Big N' Tasty with Cheese
7. The Stacker
8. Route 66
9. Stack Attack
10. Double Double

The Hurtin Bombs took a 14 point lead over the Sofa Kingdom into the final round of last night's quizzo. I was then able to capture some video of the Bombs 4th round performance!

1. PHILLY 109
2. SEATTLE 99
3. ALBUQUERQUE 93
4. DENVER 77
5. COLORADO SPRINGS 66

After the jump, the top 20 teams overall. No head count on teams, but between us and Seattle there were over 50, so I suspect there were about 100 total.

• Who- You, me, the Terrence Brown trio, and the morons that we will crush in Denver, Seattle and Albuquerque. Albuquerque? Yeah, I know. Dicker in Denver wanted to include them. Also, the Denver quizmasters name is Dicker.
• What- The City vs. City Smackdown. We will compete against and destroy quizzo teams in the cities mentioned above. The winner of the Philly quizzo gets $350, 2nd place gets $100, and 3rd place gets $50. In addition, if you defeat the teams in the other cities, you will get another $100.
• When- Monday, December 10th at 7:30 p.m.
• Where- Urban Saloon (21st and Fairmount)
• Why- Because it was there.
• How- You pay your $10 admission. You listen to some great jazz. You partake in some great drink specials. You eat some great food. You crush the morons in the other cities. You drink some more. Life is good.
• Additional info- Max team size is 8, strictly enforced. No, you may not attend and just watch. This is NOT invite only. All teams are welcome to attend. Even if you don't have a shot at winning, it will be a fun night, and a chance to meet teams that play at other bars. It will be first come, first serve, and I expect a pretty good sized crowd, so I would suggest getting there by 7:00 p.m. Since it is a Monday and we may run a little longer than usual, I'm really gonna try to start on time. Any additional questions? Feel free to contact me.

To read more about saxophonist Terrence Brown, click here. If you want to hear some of his music, check out his Myspace page. This is gonna be a great night, so get your team together and let's kick Denver and Seattle's tail!

Ok, so City vs. City Smackdown is Monday, December 10th at 7:30 p.m. at the Urban Saloon (2120 Fairmount) Max team size is 8, strictly enforced. Admission is $10 a head. Gonna have some great drink specials ($5 pitchers of Miller Lite and PBR and $3.50 a pint for all other beers, of which they have a great selection). Rumor has it that their food is extremely good and very reasonably priced. Also, gonna have live music. Working on that now. Should have a band for you by manana. Winning team will walk with $350, with 2nd place getting $150. In addition to that, the winning team can also take home an extra $100 if they defeat all the teams in Seattle and Denver. This is gonna be a lot of fun, and it's important that we knock off Seattle and Denver again, just to show them who's boss. (We'll determine city scores by adding up the top five teams scores in each city and then averaging them out.)

See ya tonight!

TUESDAY
O'Neals 8 p.m.
Bards 10 p.m.

WEDNESDAY
Locust Rendezvous 6:15 p.m.
Black Sheep 8 p.m.

THURSDAY
Cancelled. Happy Thanksgiving!

One of the impossible round questions this week was "What did Edwin Armstrong invent in the 1930's?" Although it was the only multiple choice question this week (sorry Milo), a lot of teams got wrong. This is interesting because Armstrong (above with his wife and his ghetto blaster) was one of the most remarkable inventors of the 20th century. But while everybody knows Marconi, Edison, and many known Farnsworth (partly b/c he had the awesome first name Philo), nobody seems to know Armstrong. Well, he invented FM radio, and as soon as he did, the powers that be (primarily RCA) set out to destroy him. It is a perfect example of how ingenuity can be halted by big money and power (see electric cars), and in the end an exasperated Armstrong committed suicide. But his wife continued the court battle for decades, and in the end finally won. I'm surprised nobody has made a movie about this. It's pretty captivating stuff.
RELATED: I have no idea how radio waves work despite my Media Studies degree, but I still find this guy fascinating.

I don't know how it took me this long to notice it, but one of Denver's Weeklies did a huge write up on quizzo a few months ago, in the process even talking to Philly quizzo legend Pat Hines. It's a pretty good article. You'd think the local media would someday cover quizzo, seeing as how it's now a national phenomenon that got it's start right here in our fair city. Hmmmm, if only we were good friends with a writer at one of the local weeklies...

-JGT begins quizzo at Temple tonight. His quizzo at the Draught Horse (1431 Cecil B. Moore Avenue) begins at 8 p.m.

-Bounty Bowl at the Bards on Tuesday. The Sofa Kingdom has won 5 straight Tuesday night matchups and must be taken out. $20 cash bonus (on top of $40 gift certificate) to any team that can pull the upset.

-Since the apparent retirements of Satan's Minions and Yes You Can't, there has been a power vacuum at the Black Sheep. Though Duane's World is the strongest team there currently, Philly Hardcore has started to make a name for itself, and any team has a chance.

-The other venue that is wide slam open is Good Dog, back in action this week after taking a week off for renovations. If you have a team that is solid but not immortal and still want the glory and the gift certificate that come with a victory, I would suggest the Dawg.

-Looking to try some new beers? I highly recommend O'Neals, one of the underrated beer spots in the city. Lots of unique beers on draft and over 100 bottles. The competition is tough, but as the Cornbread Mafia proved this past week, anything is possible.

JGT is finally leaving Center City and making his way all the way up to North Broad to host quizzo at the Draught Horse on Mondays. The Draught Horse is located at 1431 Cecil B. Moore Avenue. Quizzo kicks off at 8 p.m. So if you know anybody at Temple, let 'em know what's up. Word.

That's right, Boys and Ghouls, it's time for the 5th Annual (are you serious? I've been doing this s*** for five freaking years now?) JGT Halloween Spooktacular. On Tuesday and Wednesday all questions will have to do with ghosts and goblins, horror movies and scary songs and other assorted terrors. We'll be back to regular quizzo on Thursday. I will have candy, prizes, and teams in costume will get bonus points on Tuesday and Wedesday!

-The Evil Empire is expanding! JGT to begin hosting quizzo at the Draught Horse (1431 Cecil B. Moore), near Temple's campus, on Monday, November 5th at 8 p.m. More details to come next week.

-As for the MyFoxPhilly quizzo: the first two shows were kind of trial runs to give us a chance to improve it and work out the kinks. We'll have a new one up soon, as soon as we can get a few things put together. If anyone has any suggestions, please make them below. Here's what we're working on: constructing a scoreboard to see how you do against the other players, getting prizes for the high scorers, and a few other wrinkles that we're kind of keeping under wraps for now. I think we're on a good track, now we wanna take it to the next level.

-Good quizzo tonight for both the casual player and the hardcore quizzoite: the title at Good Dog (15th and Locust) is wide open, as there is currently no dominant team. If you wanna test your mettle against the big dogs, go to the Bards (20th and Walnut) and go up against the Sofa Kingdom and the Hurtin' Bombs, two of the toughest teams on the quizzo circuit.

Ya boy Danny is gonna be waiting tables upstairs tonight. Be there. Action starts at 8 p.m. Also, my iPod is acting screwy. If somebody could bring their's tonight, that would be great.

Finally, your chance to play Johnny Goodtimes quizzo, without having to deal with Johnny Goodtimes! That's right, I've started hosting a quizzo on MyFoxPhilly.com, and I think you're gonna like it. I think it turned out pretty daggone good for our first go at it, and there are definitely plans to make it wilder and wackier in the future. More importantly, cyber-Johnny is even handsomer and more charming than human Johnny! And dig the sweet 70s game show set. So hope you enjoy our first edition, please pass along the word to your friends (if this thing takes off the sky is the limit) and stay tuned for more Quizzo action to come!

The Sofa Kingdom will be aiming for their 100th win tonight at the Bards. They come into tonight's match red-hot, having won 5 in a row. Can your team delay their gratification? Let's hope so.

Gonna be interesting to see what you think about this one, one of the greatest quizzo controversies ever. A question at quizzo this past week was as follows: List four of Mr. Peanut's accesories (he has five). The answers I was looking for were a monocle, top hat, white gloves, a cane, and spats. One team answered "black loafers". At first, I accepted that answer, since he is wearing black shoes. But after further reflection, I realized that that answer was wrong: spats are never worn with loafers, so his shoes cannot be loafers. Had they simply answered "black shoes", I would have accepted it, but I simply could not accept loafers. The team in question lost in overtime. So the million dollar question: should I have accepted black loafers? Leave your thoughts below.

-No bounty tonight at the Vous, b/c the Jams won't be there. But that might be a good thing.WIth the Jams out of the picture, this is an excellent opportnity for a new team to win at the Vous.

-The Good Dog is still wide open, with no clear cut favorite from week to week.

-Vegas likes Dane's World to repeat tonight at the Sheep. Can your team stop them?

-Still in discussions for the next city vs. city smackdown, with doing it soemwhere where anyone who wants to can play. I'll keep ya updated.

I think it would kinda kool to learn a bit more about the questions I ask, so on Fridays I wanna start talking a bit more about them.
1. What animal is known as the sea cow
-The manatee. Have you been to hornymanatee.com?

2. What does CHUD stand for?
-Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller.DId you realize that both John Goodman and Daniel Stern were in this film?

3. In what year did the last cigarette commercial air?
a) 1966 b) 1970 c) 1974 d) 1978
-The answer is B. Here is an actual cigarette commercial from the 1960s. Amazing.

4. In 1893, the Supreme COurt decided that this was a vegetable.
-Tomato. Yep, the argument made it all the way to the Supreme Court in Nix vs. Hedden, because there were tariffs against veggies but not fruits. The Court technically got it wrong.

5. This dolphin, named after the Asian river it inhabits, is now though to be extinct.
Yangtze. It is the first vertebrate to be driven to extinction by man in 50 years. At least that's what the activist scientists are telling us. Exxon's PR team says that the Yangtze River Dolphins have never been more plentiful, and Darth Ern believes them.

6. Who did Barry Bonds hit #756 off of?
Mike Bacsik, who handled it extremely well.

7. Whose head was Caesar offered in a basket when he arrived in Egypt in 48 BC?
Pompey's, which began the chain of events that put Cleopatra in power

Well, if Britney thought she could out-psycho Lindsay this week, she had another thing coming. I mean, Britney may have had a mental meltdown, but Lindsay Lohan carjacked somebody, then in a coke fueled rage drove 80 mph through a 25 mph zone hoping to murder her assistant. Then she told the officers that the horrified black guy in the backseat had been driving. A-HA! Just as I suspected. The black guy! The black guy probably put the coke in her pants, forced her to take shots of liquor against her will, and was driving her to a dog fight! It all makes sense now! Anyways, I changed up last nights 50/50 round a little, and threw long time coke whore favorite Paris Hilton into the mix. It's time for Name that Coke Whore: Lindsay, Paris, or Britney. Let's see how you do:
1) Her father served time for securities fraud
2) Grew up in the Bronx
3) Was in the movie Raising Helen
4) Collaborated with Fat Joe and Jadakiss on a song
5) Appeared on Will and Grace
6) Has a sister named Aliana
7) Was in a girl group called Innosense
8) Hosted 2004 MTV Music Awards
9) Won a Razzie for Worst Actress
10) Was Named Celebrity Role Model of 2006 in a poll conducted by the AP

Remember when George Bush's buddy Ted Haggard would tell his flock about how God hated homosexuals and that they didn't deserve to have rights, all the while he was scoring meth from male hookers and doling out hummers? Irony is fun. Anyway, remember the male prostitute who dimed him out? Yeah, well he hosted a round of quizzo in Denver at one of the bars where my man John (who I did a round for last year) hosted quizzo. And I must warn you: this is a fairly uneasy read, as the questions are very, um, graphic. EXTREMELY GRAPHIC. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Here are the questons from Friday's quizzo:
Round One
1. Martin Luther King delivered his I have a dream speech on the steps of what monument in DC?
2. Fill in the blank of this old rhyme: apple pie without the ________ is like a kiss w/o a squeeze.
3. What planet is Superman from?
4. In Philly, you'll find famous examples of this type of Americana at 1501 Snyder Avenue, 219 South 17th Street, and at 5th and Spring Garden.
5. This artist and illustrator was often derided for being too sentimental and idealistic, but his later works dealing with racism, including the haunting "The Problem We All Live With", garnered him universal acclaim.
6. WHo played Lieutenet Dan in Forrest Gump?
7. Who composed the following?
8. Who was the winning lawyer in Brown vs. the Board of Education?
9. After bombing onstage at the Grand Ole Opry in 1954 , this truck driver turned musician from Tupelo MIssissippi was told by the Opry manager, "Boy, you'd better keep driving that truck."
10. How long is four score seven years?

Round Two List 10 (of the 14) vice presidents who later went on to become presidents.

Round Three Name that artist or group:
1. Proud to be an AMerican
2. American Woman
3. American Girl
4. Banned in the USA
5. American Pie
6. American Idiot
7. Name the artist and the person who appeared to sing it in the video: I Am a Real American
8. Young Americans
9. Back in the USA
10. American Music

Round Four
1. 1. Joseph Glidden patented this in 1874, and it had changed the landscape of the Wild West by the end of the century. What was it?
2. Who was Secretary of State during Clinton's first term?
3. Jackie Robinson earned four varsity letters in college. What west coast school did he attend?
4. What book was prefaced by the author with the lines: "Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot."
5. What two Sioux leaders crushed Custer in the Battle of Little Bighorn?
6. In 1964, this 63 year old artist became the oldest to ever hit number one on the Billboard charts.
7. This wild west artist didn't produce razors or star in an 80s detective show.
8. The first women's rights convention took place in what town in 1848?
9. After the title, what are the first seven words of the Declaration of Independence?
***10. Of the 42 delegates at the constitutional convention, how many signed it?
a) 37 B) 39 C) 41 D) All of them

Will get the Week in Review done manana. Gotta get to work on this American quiz at the Constitution Center. Again, the details are: Exclusive tour at 6 p.m., quizzo at 6:30 p.m. It will be a quizzo with lots of Americana and such. It does cost $12 to get into the museum but after that the quizzo is free. They will be selling booze and light snacks. Each member of the winning team will walk with a $20 gift certificate to the Stephen Starr restaurant of their choice. 2nd place gets free movie passes to the Ritz 5. We'll be done around 8-8:30ish. Hope to see ya there!

We've got another fun "bonus quizzo" coming up in the near future. This is gonna be really cool. Details coming manana, on the 4th of July. Also coming manana will be my 5K race, the Brownsville Fun Run. I will be running for the first time since the mid 90s, and am sure to do terribly. I have not run 5K in probably 10 years, but I ran this race every year from 1983 until the mid 90s, so since I'm home I'm gonna run it for old times sake. Plus one of my buddies girlfriends, who is a runner, is racing and my friends have all bet on her beating me. I will not let that happen. Details coming after the race.

I'm throwing an extra $20 in the pot to anyone who can beat the Jams at the Rendezvous tonight. Kickoff is at 6:15 p.m.

An epic round two this week, as we played an exciting edition of, "NAME...THAT...BALDWIN." Is it Alec, Daniel, William, or Steven? Let's see how you do (see answers by clicking "continue reading"):

Round Two: Name that Baldwin!
1. This Baldwin was BizMarkie's teammate on Celebrity Fit Club.
2. Called Dick Cheney a lying, thieving oil whore and murderer of the US Constitution
3. Starred in the Movie Flatliners
4. This Baldwin stole an SUV in November of 2006
5. Appeared in Usual Suspects
6. Married to a former member of Wilson Phillips
7. Starred in Bio-Dome
8. In the movie Malice, stated, "I am God."
9. Is a born again christian who has started his own ministry.
10. Has a daughter who is a rude thoughtless little pig

Yo peeps, I ain't gonna spend my whole friggin vacation working on questions, so everybody can only play once a week. Maybe. I gotta talk to Dark Horse John, and if he wants to use his old questions and do the joker round and such, then you can play again on thursday. I'll keep you updated. Anyways, there is quizzo tonight at O'Neals and the Bards hosted by Jam Master Sean. Somebody knock off the Young, the Old and Restless!

I'm not sure if the week can start on Saturday, but if so, then the week started with my confrontation with my ex at the Rock Paper Scissors Championship. But the Midnight Rider took care of her for me. We then move to Monday, when controversy reigned supreme at O'Neals. The team that always changes its name seemed to have the match under control, but faltered on the question, "What derisive nickname did Alaska acquire when the Secretary of State pushed for its purchase in 1867?" The correct answer was Seward's Folly. They wrote Suder's Folly. It was close to phonetically correct, but...For the first time ever, I put it to a vote. The vast majority of the crowd thoought that I shouldn't accept it. It cost the name changers the game, as they fell to the Embarrasments, 94-93. It was at that time that the Break up the Champs portion of the week began, with interesting results.

JGT will be at the Vous tonight, but he has a private gig and will thus miss quizzo at the Black Sheep. However, you will get a chance to hang with the second best Rock Paper Scissors player in Philadelphia, Jam Master Sean, who will be hosting tonight.

Tuesday night started off with a tight battle at O'neals with Peach Key beating Rolling In The Grass At My Friend's Wedding by a single point.

Then at the Bards the Sofa Kingdom triumphed with a score of 106. Narcotizing Dysfunktion and Wichita is more than double the size of Topeka, Jackass were tied for second, each with a score of 92, so it came down to a tiebreaker. How many meanings does the word Run have according to the Unabridged Oxford English Dictionary? Wichita guesed 30. Narcotizing Dysfunction's guess of 39 was slightly closer to the actual number of 464 and second place was there's!

On Thursday the lightning wasn't the only show in town as there was a barn burner down at the Bards as the Sofa Kingdom finished out of the money for the first time in a long while and set the stage for a new champion. And that's just what we got as Love the Kreme defeated Sweating Our Balls Off 89-85.

Way back in the day, last Thursday to be exact it was the Sofa Kingdom winning at Bards.

On Thursday Standing Is Was Exercise won at O'neals despite thinking Wichita was bigger than Topeka.

Last Tuesday the Sofa Kingdom edged Jump in My Car 86-85 at he Bards. The Kingdom suffered in the subway station round because their "subway expert" wasn't there. They have a subway expert?

And finally on Thursday at the Good Dog, Magma got back on the winning track scoring 91 enroute to the victory.

I scored the best breakdancer in Philly, but somehow it happened. Raphael Xavier has performed in numerous spots over the past 20 years of breakdancing, including the Kennedy Center. Uh, yeah, that Kennedy Center. In one of those instances where a disaster turns into a huge triumph, yesterday I was freaking out because some guy who told me he could do it wasn't returning my calls. Giving up on him, I was led by a friend to the Community Education Center Meeting House Theatre, who in turn put me in touch with Xavier. Unlike the previous guy I contacted, Raphael was a true pro, and we had worked out a deal in a matter of hours. I am exceptionally excited to see him perform.

For more info on Beat the Champs, click here.

On Sunday night, a buddy of mine and I decided to play quizzo. We hadn't played since that Sunday night at McCrossen's about a month ago. Rumor was, North Third had quizzo, so we went up there. No dice. So we motored over to Nodding Head to play quizzo with Irish John. Irish John is known for being rather salty, and he certainly didn't disappoint in that regard, regularly inviting various players to go f*** themselves. I'll be honest. I hated the questions. There were no american history questions, no sports questions, no geography questions, and two literature questions, neither of them being classic literature. There was no thinking through any questions to find answers. Every one was very blunt. And to be honest, most of them were questions I could really care less about learning the answer for (i.e. What's the only Honda motorcycle that has a reverse gear?). On the bright side, the jambalaya was excellent, as are their beers. Of the three quizzoes I've tried other than my own, here's how they stack up:
1. Quizzo Pat at New Wave (Monday)
2. Goofy but nice guy at McCrossen's (Sunday)
3. Irish John at Nodding Head (Sunday)

If anybody knows where any other Sunday night quizzoes are, please let me know.

A lot of people seem to think that because they didn't participate in the first week of the Doc Watson's Big $$$ Bonanza, they are no longer eligible to win. Not true. I will only be counting the top five scores, and the contest lasts eight weeks, so the more you play, the better your odds. But I don't imagine too many teams will be playing all eight weeks, so missing the first week is not that big of a deal. The winner of the contest gets $300, 2nd place gets $150, and 3rd gets $50.

Last night was one that will undoubtedly live in Quizzo infamy. Just wanna take a quick second to send shout outs to the staff at Locust Rendezvous, and to all the people who played gorilla quizzo last night. For those that don't know, here's what happened: I got to the Bards at about 10:15 p.m., only to be greeted by about 300 drunken Penn kids in the midst of their pub crawl oozing out of the bar. "Oh my God," I thought to myself, "Did I get hit by a bus on the way to the Bards and land in hell?" I walked in, saw that my contestants for the BTNJGTC were there, as were a few teams. Everybody wanted to play, but it was obvious it wasn't gonna happen there. So I called the 'Vous, and they came through in the clutch. The Lost Tribe of Times then made a pilgrimage to 15th and Locust. I guess word got out at Bards, and the next thing you know, we had 40 people playing quizzo at the 'Vous. What a night! And both contestants for the contest did a great job under strange circumstances. If you don't know, the 'Vous is just as cheap as McGrinchey's, but the food is better, and the owner is actually a really nice guy, not a psycho who accuses people of drawing on his door. The staff there really came through last night. Good lookin' out! I'll have results and stuff up later. I gotta work on my taxes. In the meantime, check out this pretty kool Star Wars parody for organic food. Really creative.

A bunch of us tried out for that gameshow at the casting agency? Well, I finally read about it today in Dan Gross's column. I guess this means we didn't make the cut.
Sixers dancer Krystal Tini is one of the beauties in the pilot episode of "Beauty and the Geek."
Ashton Kutcher and Cherry Hill native J.D. Roth are among producers of the show, which pairs brains and beauties to tutor each other in their strong suits all while competing for prizes.
Tini, 21, a four-year dance-team member, didn't meet Kutcher, but does agree that the actor resembles Sixer Kyle Korver.
Tini will hold a viewing party at her house. She works at a South Philly children's-clothing store.
A few local guys will also appear as geeks on the WB program, which premiers June 1.

In a move that has surprised many in the religious community, Jesus Christ has decided to move to West Virginia. Said one local religious leader we spoke to, "Is it a coincidence that Jesus moves to West Virginia two weeks after Kevin Pittsnogle declares himself eligible for the NBA draft? I don't think so."
note: Johnny Goodtimes is not from West Virginia.

Who are the only three non-kickers to lead the NFL in scoring in the last fifteen years?

What is Shediac, New Brunswick known as?

Who was the voice of Sam the Snowman in Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer?

After beating Ken Jennings on Jeopardy on November 30th, how much money did Nancy Zerg finish with in her first defense of her title on December 1st?

Who are the only two people to win Nobel Prizes in more than one field?

What was the name of the DJ for Public Enemy in the 1980s, the man who only "Speaks with his hands"?

Hounded by women, despised by jealous quizzo players, Quizzo legend Ern R. Kern has been forced to go into hiding. "The heavy drugs, the beautiful women, the late night bar fights; it was all fun at first, but now it's just getting out of control," said the phenom. "I have to wear a disguise now just to go to the grocery store, or I might get molested by a gorgeous woman or sucker- punched by a jealous fan. Fame is certainly a double edged sword."

In this version of bowling, played almost exclusively in New England and Eastern Canada, the balls weigh less than 3 pounds, have no finger holes, and the pins are small, perfect cylinders.

This will be Whodunnit Week at Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo. The action continues Wednesday night at Locust Rendezvous at 6:15 p.m., The Black Sheep at 8:00 p.m., and Johnny returns to Nick's Roast Beef at 10:15 p.m.

After constantly hearing negative comments about the True/False Round, Johnny let it be known in yesterday's e-mail that he would be willing to revamp round three if 200 people voted yes in the weekly poll. So far, only 23 have. It seems like you all don't have the courage of your convictions. Viva la asalto de verdad/falso!!!

If five teams or more score 100 points this week, Johnny will sing "Rapper's Delight" at the bars where the 100 point scorers played.

Who was the superhero in space on the Fat Albert Show? Also, remember that I'm buying a beer for whoever comes up with the best team name for the DC Expos. Just write it in the comment box below.

Beaker serves as lab assissant for what scientist?

Three points short last week. Three teams scored 100, one scored 99, and one 98. I'm going to give you guys one more week to make me look like Ric Flair. Five 100 point games total required over the course of the week.

This short story master, who wrote The Devil's Dictionary, disappeared in Mexico in 1913.

"Return with us now to those thrilling days of yesteryear." These words will forever be associated with whom?

In what book would you have found Death Larsen at the helm of the Macedonia?

The Black Sheep has reopened this week and quizzo will return tonight at 8:00 PM.

Before 9/11 the worst disaster in New York City occurred in 1904, and it caused the death of over 1,000 people. What happened?

What actor played Mork and Mindy�s son in the Mork and Mindy Show?

I'm sorry, but quizzo has gotten the shaft from the local media for long enough. It's time to represent. And remember, Johnny's not doing this because he's a glory hog. He's doing it...for the children. Drop the editor a line at Philadelphia Magazine to let them know how disappointed you were in their failure to cover that most Philadelphian of institutions, quizzo. Even a simple, "What, no quizzo?" would be more than appreciated.

What is the buccal overture better known as? As a going away gift, here's a link.

Each contestant was required to write down why they deserve to be the next Johnny Goodtimes.

* I�ve never given my laundry to a crackhead.
* I need a reason to wear Hawaiian shirts.
* I won�t bail on quizzo to talk to the animals.
* I hate Jane Eyre.
* I will not use my position as quizzo master to hit on impressionable young women who play quizzo, like a certain local quizmaster who shall remain nameless.
* In a former life I went by the name Trivia Art and was responsible for daily trivia questions on a web site that was named by Yahoo! as one of the 50 Most Incredibly Useful Sites on the Internet.
* I do a mean Pope J.P. Deuce impersonation.
* I have a solution to the homeless problem.
* I have not been convicted of a Federal crime, yet.
* I promise to start within a half an hour of the scheduled start time.
* I have nothing better to do.

Second up is the team of Jess Maybe and Katie Sometimes. These beautiful ladies were in action last night at O'Neals and the Bards. They actually got a letter of recommendation from a distant cousin of Johnny, Bert Mediocretimes.

I am writing to you on behalf of Jess Maybe and Katie Sometimes. These women are of high moral stature, absolute dependability and impeccable intelligence. Their dogged love of quizzo has formed them into the fine young women they are today. Having known them, I would highly recommend them to any quizzo capacity they choose to pursue. These qualifications make them exceptional candidates for this position.

Sincerely,
Bert Mediocretimes

Let's hope that "high moral stature" statement doesn't cost them!

The third contestants are a pair of brothers, Bethesda and the lovely Elizabeth. They wrote a paragraph explaining why they should be the next JGT. Thus far they did a great job entertaining the O'Neals with strange fruit and then did a horrible job running off copies for the Bards crowd.

To be accepted into the Goodtimes family and to actually become Johnny incarnate would not only be an honor, but would set into motion those events which put myself (Brother Bethesda) and the Beautiful Brother Elizabeth at the forefront of the race for world domination. We hope to raise an army whose strength is trivia and who could be cajoled into fighting for $25 gift certificates. In addition to sustaining and nourishing the current fan base, we hope to strengthen, expand, and finally enable this veritable sisyphus to transform into a juggernaut. And when Johnny returns, his business will have turned into an empire, and he will be grand ruler of the entire Planet.

Next up is Doug the Professor. He had a list of six reasons he deserved to be the next Johnny Goodtimes, and will be seen tonight.


1. I choose not to wax my goatee.
2. I'll keep saying, "Can you Doug it?" as my catchphrase.
3. No pirate jokes.
4. I'll give everybody my password to bangbus.com.
5. I know that Tiger hands is the best hand in Paper Rock Scissors.
6. I have a lot of free time.

Finally, we have the Grand Inquizzator, who was in action last night.


One could easily view my entire tenure on this planet as naught but a quest to
accumulate marginally useful information and force people to listen to me.
These drives, coupled in a normal person, would've already produced a
formidable quizmaster in a city like Philadelphia - gripped, as it is, by a
quizzo pandemic. But there is a third drive within me which is equally
insatiable and fundamentally at odds with the first two; the drive to make it
to the grave having accomplished absolutely nothing. On rare occasions, when
my near-total lack of ambition is somehow circumvented by sheer dumb luck, I
manage to do one or two of the 80,000 things I've said I would do. This is, or
could be, one of those things. Once I get started, I rule. It's just that the
initiative is often lacking. So, in summation, for me not to get this gig
would suck a whole bunch of dog c*** onaccounta I'm 34 and will be dead soon
and I'm destined to start a quizzo empire in Portland (or somewhere) and if
I miss this crucial step I may never do anything and so I might as well just lay
down and die. In fact, I may as well just come right out and say it -I have a gun to my head and I'm gonna pull the trigger if I don't win. There, you happy?

Sorry, it was Forbes that recently revealed the richest supermodel in the world. This is according to Forbes, not to other websites. Here's the link.

The contestants were all given the assignment "What I learned from being Johnny G. for a night?" Thus far, four have answered. Here are their replies.

In today's society, the concepts of honor and justice are as rare as 15 year
olds named Hazel. America's apathy to morally reprehensible events and actions is, well,morally reprehensible. This culture of indifference pervades every element of our lives, invading our living rooms on the news, cloaking our words,and clouding our decision making abilities.
What we have learned in our first week as Johnny Goodtimes, however, is that
all members of the quizzo community are stripping off this leaden glove of
indifference and grasping for the brass ring of truth, justice and the
American way.
Yes, last week, a great tragedy was averted. The evil falcon of electoral
fraud attempted to swoop in and steal a hard won victory from us. We thank
all of you for speaking up and preserving our triumph.
What they wrote really doesn't make much sense to me. But damn they're cute, aren't they?

Since everyone hates the true/false round anyway, I thought I�d have some fun with it and make it a themed round. As long as everyone had approximately the same chance of answering correctly, what would the harm be? The round is supposed to be the great equalizer anyways. Boy was I wrong, my theme, DotCom Boom or Bust, went over about as well as a narc at a biker rally. So I ruffled some feathers at Locust Rendezvous and Black Sheep, and Johnny gave me a much safer wild card round to do on Thursday. But I�ll tell you what; I miss the anger that was directed at me Wednesday night. The world needs villains like Ken Jennings, the Yankees, the manatee, etc. I think that�s my role, to be the hated quizzo master. I�m sure that this week you�ll enjoy �true or false, this is the name of a piece of Ikea furniture� and questions like, �am I wearing underwear?�
So that�s what I learned, it's OK to be hated, and I learned a couple of other things to, most notably that Johnny is weak when it comes to telling women no.
I think the Narc at a biker rally would have gone over a little better Trivia Art's wild card round. I think his wild card round went over about as well as an adult female on R. Kelly's tour bus.

The crowd at the Rendezvous is very whiny. And fickle to boot. They jumped
down my throat for asking questions about the Yankees. One gentleman said that
every answer for my round should be, "Who cares? The Yankees suck." My
favorite was the nice older man who pointed out that a train leaves for NY from
30th Street Station every hour, and I should be under one. But they started to
sing a different tune when they heard the true/false questions about dot com
businesses. Then they all loved me.
Trivia can not be rushed. It must be laid back. If you try to rush it and
adhere to what normal people might call a starting time, then it's not trivia.
It's an SAT.
Doug went on to say a bunch of stuff about his car breaking down on the way to Thursday night's quizzo, but let's be honest. Who gives a s***?

On Wednesday my mom took me to the bar. I wanted to talk into the microphone where you ask people the questions. There was a man there whowas nice. He told me some questions to say. Then i got to say the questions my mom gave me but only half because of these two girls. I got a little sad but not cried.
Then the man told me that they were pretty and I could see he was right, but
usually they're gross. <--- I did the letters trick. The girls were also nice.
Then a strange man had some fruit but he was nice too. On my trip to the bar
to play pretend to be Mr. goodtimes, I learned a lot. First, ther are a lot of
nice people in bars. When my mom got too drunk to walk a man even carried her all the way home because he was nice. The questions were hard. When I grow up, I want to be a bar.
Before you vote off the Inquizzanator, remember that he does have a disadvantage: He's out of his f****** mind.

This one's pretty creepy. Your computer can figure out what you're thinking about by asking less than 20 questions.

After one week, this is really still anyone's race. No-one has emerged as the definite front runner. However, a few things are abundantly clear at this point. For one, Bethesda and the lovely Elizabeth will never be asked to run off copies again, after their disastrous performance on Tuesday left teams at the Bards with crooked papers. However, I did think their "Name that Fruit" wild card round was the most creative of the bunch. The Grand Inquizzator was steady if not spectacular, and I did like his reasons for wanting to be the next JGT. An Irishman, you have to wonder if whiskey could be his downfall. Doug the Professor's pick of a wild card round was somewhat shocking. Like going into shark infested waters with a bad nosebleed, Doug decided to go to the Rendezvous and the Black Sheep and try out a New York Yankees wild card round. Though booed mercilessly, Doug was undeterred, and says that next week he'll do a wild card round on his other favorite team, the Dallas Cowboys. As far as wild card rounds are concerned, Trivia Art's was, without question, the most disastrous. The True/False round has never been extremely popular, and to try to do a themed wild card round proved to be a cataclysm. Trivia Art was heckled mercilessly at both the Rendezvous and the Black Sheep, and was lucky to lose only his dignity, and not an appendage. As for the ladies, well a controversial call has brought them back into the fold. Volume was their main problem, one that must be addressed if they hope to make the most of this second chance. They were unquestionably the best looking of the group, but then again, with this bunch, that would be like being voted "Least dorky" at a Star Wars convention. Voting is set to begin late next week.

What was the name of the island in the movie Jaws?

What do Pamela Anderson, Neil Young, and b-ball inventor James Naismith have in common? (What, you think this question was just some cheap ploy to get Pamela Anderson on the website? That is absurd.)

What type of journalism is Hunter Thompson credited with inventing?

A couple of hot chicks were able to disprove the naysayers at Nick's Roast Beef on Wednesday night, as they set a new Photo Hunt record, scoring over 280,000. "This is a great day for hot chicks," said Johnny. "I mean, a lot of people think that just because you're hot, you can't pick out five inconsistencies on two similar pictures of scantily clad men. This rocks that theory." Johnny went on to say that neither chick seemed real interested in getting to know him better.

What was the name of Tonya Harding's ex-husband who helped her take out Kerrigan?

Now that Griffey has hit the milestone, what major leaguer is now the closest to 500?

What 89 year old man did Anna Nicole Smith marry in 1993?

What was the only movie Nancy and Ronald ever appeared in together?

In what state did John Ashcroft lose his senate seat to a dead man?

Quizzo tonight (Thursday) will be held at the following locale:
Good Dog (224 South 15th Street) 8:00 p.m.

The Big Unit, who undoubtedly has the best mullet in sports, threw a perfect game last night, which raises an obvious question: Has there ever been a perfect game in Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacualr history? The answer is no, though three teams have come extremely close. Easy Money, who has the all time high score of 116 (out of a possible 118), missed two questions in Rd. 1 and then never missed another question. Two teams have had perfect scores going into the final question. The Missing Heads would have had a perfect score on December 3rd at the Black Sheep, but they misspelled the city of Reykjavik by one letter. Then the Western Omelette had a perfect score through 39 questions at the Bards on Jan. 20th, but missed the question "What was the only film Jimmy Stewart ever won a Best Actor Oscar for?" The quest for Quizzo immortality continues. And while we're on the topic of baseball, check out this site which claims that former Phillie Von Hayes is the devil.

When the Black Sox fixed the 1919 World Series, what team did they lose to?

Who played the Wicked Witch of the West in the 1939 production of the Wizard of Oz?

What was the name of Underdog's girlfriend?

There will be quizzo over the next two weeks, hosted by two of Johnny's cousins. Here's the line-up.

Monday: Doc Watson's hosted by Benny Pleasurable Experiences 8:30 p.m.
Tuesday: O'Neals hosted by P.D. Hardtimes 8:00 p.m.
Wednesday: Locust Rendezvous by P.D. 6:15 p.m.
Thursday: Good Dog hosted by Benny 8:00 p.m.

By the way, the picture at the top is the Mona Lisa made entirely of burnt toast. I am hoping to keep a journal of my trip on the website. We'll see what kind of internet access I get down there. Check back. I'll try to send back as many photos of hot chicks back as I can. And for all you ladies, I'll be sending back pics of me in a bathing suit, with a tan photoshopped in. By the way, there will only be one set of questions a week, so you'll have to limit yourselves to one quizzo a week until I get back. Sorry, but I'm not going to spend my whole vacation coming up with questions about vice-presidents in the 1820's.

What King was known as "Longshanks"? (I'll need a name and #, for example
Henry VIII)

What's the only b-ball team to win both the NIT and the NCAA basketball tournament in the same year?

Skeletons in the Closet were able to knock out the competition at the first ever Johnny Goodtimes Marriage Spectacular. But
Mike "Dr." Love, who's celebration it was, wasn't entirely pleased with Goodtimes. "Listen, this was kind of a low key affair. I don't know why Johnny felt the need to show off by bringing his celebrity friends Dave Navarro and Carmen Electra. This was my day, not theirs." Johnny thinks Mike was just bitter because his team finished last, and Carmen and Dave played for the winners.

***Congratulations Mike and Beth!!!

You can see a tumor belonging to this president at the mutter museum.

What was the only film to win the Oscar for best pic despite having an X-rating at the time?

The keyboardist for what popular 70's rock band had a sex change two weeks ago?

Who is Robert Morvillo?

The Election of 1800 ended in an electoral college tie between what two men?

Who was QB the last time the Eagles won an NFL championship?

Us Again was able to sweep past the field at Nick's Roast Beef on Wednesday, which earned them a sweeping endorsement from Pete Rose. "Hey, these guys are winners. Will they repeat next week? Well, let's just say that's where I've got my money."

The Missing Heads performed surgery on Wednesday, and like clockwork, they were able to hold off the Bone Growth Inhibitors, 88-86. "We gave 110%, and left it all on the field," said Chet Whipley. "Yeah," added Bert Sonic, "It was a total team effort, and from here on out, we're just going to take it one game at a time." The Bone Growth Inhibitors were every bit as eloquent as the winners were. "Give them credit. They just executed better. They seemed to step up and make the big plays. That's just the way the ball bounces. We got away from the game plan. We're going to have to put this loss behind us and move on."

In perhaps the most exciting finish in Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo history, the Sulfur Clams pulled off an overtime miracle, as Dick Bonaparte answered correctly the OT question, setting off a wave of excitement throughout the crowd, most of whom knew that the Clams had made the climb from worst to first over several grueling months. After the contest, team member Todd Wackendorfer, III received a congratulatory phone call from none other than Russian premiere Vladimir Putin. "Getting a call from Putin was shocking, to say the least. I really have no idea how the premiere of Russia got my cell phone number." Wackendorfer went on to say that he was just sorry that Spanky Twizzler couldn't make it.

Los Snachos was able to end a decades long slump on TUesday at O'Neals, blowing away the rest of the competition and becoming the only team all week to join the 100 point Club. The other story of interest was the fact that the seven astronauts who were the first to ever visit the surface of Mars played Quizzo only hours after their return from the Red Planet. "It was tough to readjust to the earth's atmosphere after spending the previous eight days on Mars, and I think that helps explain our ninth place finish,' said astronaut Chip Nutley. "You think jet lag coming back from the West Coast is tough..."

The Broad Street Bullies were able to pull off another victory on Tuesday by answering the weekly double question correctly and squeak past the Jams. I'm not sure what place the girls below finished but hey, let's face it, who the hell cares. When they play, we all win.

Rochelle Rochelle was able to leave Aiken for Clay in the dust in Round number Four and take the cake at Doc Watson's on Monday. Aiken for Clay left their namesake disappointed. "I guess we're losers, just like Clay," said Randolph Hernmeister of the Aikens. "It was nice of Clay to come and support us," said team member Chelsea Clockwise, "And I felt bad that the owner of the bar made him watch from outdoors, on account of Clay being such a loser."

S and the Snowflakes were able to win without superstar "Chippy"** on Tuesday at O'Neals. Even without "Chippy"***, who was out on a "business trip"%, the Snowflakes were able to hold off the MBF Crew (another late game meltdown) and the Social Alcoholics (blew it in overtime and handed MBF the second place award.)

* Not his real name
** We made his photo blurry so you can't identify him
*** But we'll rat him out for the right price
% if you know what we mean

Would You Eat Them With a Goat squeaked past Daddy's in Town, who was despondant after the contest. "Life isn't worth living anymore," said team captain Renaldo Rio Rodriguez. "We can't even seem to get excited about the Paris Hilton video anymore*." (click on photo below.)

*Which Johnny thinks is overrated.

Oblivia Dehaviland was able to hold on and win a squeaker at the Centre Square Bar and Grille. After the game, Johnny was quoted as saying, "I never doubted this team's mental capabilities, but after naming the team after a 1940's supporting actress, I do have some questions about their sexuality. Not that there's anything wrong with that."

The Troy McClures were a handful on Monday at Doc Watson's Pub, but father figure Dick Van Patten was able to get the team to buckle down in round four and run away with an 82-68 victory. "It was nice to have Dick there," said team captain Dr. Chuckie Needlebump. "I'm just sorry that Adam Rich (Nicholas) couldn't make it."

The Goat's were able to pull off an 85-77 win against the Cinderella story of the year, the Sulfur Clams. The disappointment of the year, the Western Omelette, finished third.

The Grinch stole the MBF Crew's X-mas on Tuesday at O'Neals. MBF had the lead throughout, and had a chance at their first ever win, until they missed the final question, about the Grinch. S2 got it correct,and squeaked out an 88-86 win.

Frank Clement's North pulled away in round four at Centre Square Bar and Grille at Bedford Falls on Tuesday, and cruised to a victory over Dewey Cheatum and Howe. The team, which has been ravaged by injuries in the past few months, was finally able to get their whole squad on the field.

Professor Flapjack defeated the much maligned Team Hater, 100-89 on Monday at Doc Watson's. The articles on the website kind of suck this week, but that's because I've hit the sauce pretty heavily over the holidays. I really need to pull it together.

The Nation of Quizlam was able to hold off the competition at Nick's on Wednesday, then asked that their picture not be doctored, so as not to take away from their lovely faces. This same squad also complained about their photo with N.W.A. a couple of weeks ago. Anyone who has a message for this narcissistic group of also-rans and ne'er-do-wellers, please feel free to click on "comments" at the bottom of this article. In more exciting news, Santa made a brief appearance, keeping an eye on his ho-ho-hos. (Photo below)

Would You Eat Them With a Goat
Entered the Holidays on a winning note
As for the Omelette, well my friends
It appears that they choked again
Ed had the right answer but he scratched it out
His future with the team is now in doubt
They used to always be last but oh my word
The Sulfur Clams have finished in third
Will the Goats keep their title, will the questions be hard
Find out next Tuesday when Johnny's at the Bards.

Team Hater, playing without one of their best playas, was able to end S2's dynasty with a victory on Tuesday. Miranda Hotplate, known to friends as the Mipper, was out with an illness, and the team fell behind early. That's when Knute Rockne showed up. "He told us he had recently been at Miranda's bedside," said team member Loco Ono. "He said that Miranda, summoning all of her strength, said, 'Coach, one of these days, when the chips are down and the breaks are getting the boys, tell 'em to win one for the Mipper." The Haters responded, holding off second place Los Snachos 98-93.

The Four Letter Words, a collection of some of the most brilliant legal minds in the city, got an added boost on Tuesday with the addition of Johnny Cochran, who led them to a victory over Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe, 98-90. Cochran was overjoyed after the win. "I thought this win was splendiferous for the amalgamation of conglomerates we have assembelized. The victory was not only monumentous, it was consequentially extemperaneous." The others agreed.

Special Ed Ed pulled off one of the greatest comebacks in Quizzo history on Monday night at Doc Watson's, overcoming a fourteen point deficit in the final round to move past Risky Quizness. Another way of putting that, of course, is that Risky Quizness pulled off one of the greatest chokes in Quizzo history. Special Ed Ed won a squeaker, 80-79. The Troy McClures had their worst performance ever, finishing a disappointing fourth.

Controversy erupted, as it seems to every week, after last nights Quizzo at Nick's Roast Beef. In overtime, the Plaster of Paris Hilton won second place (Worth $25) when one of their team members was able to spell Baryshnikov correctly. However, it was discovered early this morning after a thorough investigation that the man who spelled the great dancer's name correctly was none other than the world renowned Krazylegs Kruschev, who danced with Mikhail at the Russian School of Ballet from 1969-1973! The picture below, taken in 1972, clearly proves it! The Johnny Goodtimes Ethical Committee is looking into any possible improprieties. A spokesman for third place finisher Coochie Kream said that the team was "piping mad."

The Cousin F@%&' Monkeys blew past the competition in Round Four of Wednesday night's Quizzo at Nick's Roast Beef. The Monkeys,
a collection of one woman and three lonely men who struggle to keep their fires lit and cabins warm, were able to come out on top on a hoary night at Nick's. Plaster of Paris Hilton was able to win second in overtime, moving past the Coochie Kream.

Here are the Four hottest teams on the Johnny G. Quizzo Circuit:

1. The Missing Heads (Pictured below) have won four straight at the Black Sheep, and were only one question away froma perfect score last week.
   
2. S2 has won three straight at O'Neals.
   
3. Would You Eat Them has won two straight at the Bards, becoming the first team to repeat at 20th and Walnut.
   
4. The Sulfur Clams got a phone call from George Bush after a 6th place finish two weeks ago, then moved all the way up into fifth place
   
   

The Nation of Quizlam was able to squeeze past the Atari Monkeys on Wednesday at Nick's Roast Beef, 92-89. But they wouldn't have been able to do it without their friends-from the rap group N.W.A.! "That MC Ren is a lot smarter than people give him credit for," said team leader Otis "Silver" Spoons. "And Ice Cube knows a lot about state capitols, which paid off in the wildcard round." But it was Eazy E who really came through in round four, scoring the bonus question right and taking the team over the top. "The Boys N Da Hood are not only hard," continued Otis, "But they're smart as well!"

The Missing Heads extended their dominance over the Black Sheep crowd, causing one grizzled old vet from W.T.F. to remark, "This thing was fun until all these smart people starting showing up. It's ruining the integrity of the Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular." The Heads were more than smart, coming one question away from a perfect score. That's where Bjork comes in. "We picked up Bjork just on the off chance that there was a question about Iceland," said team member Frank "Flapjack" Kelly. Sure enough, the team found themselves needing only to spell Reykjavik correctly to get the first ever perfect score at Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo anywhere. But Bjork was in a trancelike state throughout round four, and refused to offer her assistance, saying that such trivial matters were an impedence on her soul. "I think that bitch is doing some serious drugs. Have you heard her music? She's a freak, and she's not invited back next week," said Kelly. "We would've been better off with Bjorn Borg than Bjork." When reached for comment, Bjork said simply, "people are always asking me about eskimos, but there are no eskimos in iceland"

Four Peas and a Pod (AKA Would You Eat Them) finally broke the streak at The Bards on Tuesday, holding off Argh Me Groin in Spectacular fashion. Trailing by nine with two questions left, they were the only team to answer both questions correctly, and were the only team to spell Reykjavik right all night. Big Mike (a.k.a. White Wilt) held a news conference after the game to announce his retirement from Quizzo. Sadly, Big Mike, whose career had started so promisingly, had been besieged by injuries lately (repeated head trauma), and limped to a third place finish in his final appearance. The Sulfur Clams continued to evolve, moving into fifth place.

S2+2 got the rare three peat on Tuesday at O'Neals, winning for the third consecutive time. They were able to hold off the Can-Am Express, 86-80. Team Hater and Los Snachos, once proud franchises, have fallen mightily. They scored 65 and 64 points respectively. "We picked up a few new teammates," said Team Hater member Carmen San Bernadino. "And they're really dumb."

Dewey, Bully, and Howe were able to squeak past the Consultants in the first ever Quizzo at Centre Square Bar and Grille, 95-94. Shortly after the contest, DB & H received a telegraph from the 1903 Boston Pilgrims, who won the first ever World Series. "They just said that they knew how we were feeling, both being the winner of huge inaugural events and all," said DB & H member Rollie Cornwright. "They also said that they would buy us a round, but they can't because they're all dead."

The Whiskey Lou Rebellion, playing in honor of a favorite judge who recently passed away, were able to rip the monkey from their backs in convincing fashion on Monday, fighting off the Moe Syslack Experience, 91-86. The Rebellion, who had won the first quizzo they had participated in, months ago, and had not won since, were relieved to get a win. "Those monkeys were poorly behaved. They would hurl their own feces, screech through the night, and stab me with their swords," said team member Sal Alamo. "I'm glad that's all done with."

What is the Blood Type of the Universal Blood Donor?

The Missing Heads were able to keep theirs long enough to win for the second consecutive week at the Black Sheep. In related news, Johnny's ban on brain sucking aliens was strictly enforced.

Argh! Me Groin was unable to become the first team to repeat at the Bards, falling to "Would You Eat Them With a Goat?", 97-86. But the real story was the Sulfur Clams, who are no longer bottom dwellers. The Clams, who had finished in last place for two straight weeks, were able to rise from the seafloor all the way to sixth place! After the team's big victory, they received a congratulatory phone call from President George W. Bush. "I couldn't really understand a lot of what he said, because I think he had the phone upside down," said Spanky Twizzler, who fielded the phone call, "But it was still cool to hear from the president."

S Squared won again at O'Neals on Tuesday, holding off the second place Bluesharps when the Harps scratched out the correct answer on the last question. S Squared picked up several new members, and they helped the team achieve a repeat. Team Hater, also known as team turmoil, fired a couple of players and picked up a couple of people off waivers. Things looked promising after two rounds, as they had a perfect score, but they fell to pieces in the True/False round, getting only three correct.

Special Ed Ed was barely able to hold off defending champs Vandolay Industries at Doc Watson's Pub on Monday. Ed had a 16 point lead going into the last round, but the Industries were able to fight off a fierce buzz and fell by only by a point, 90-89. The Dildogs pulled off an almost impossible feat in Round Three, getting nine wrong-IN THE TRUE/FALSE ROUND! According to my calculations, the odds aginst that happening are 512-1.

The Atari Monkeys pulled past the Nation of Quizlam to win at Nick's Roast Beef on Wednesday night. Two of the team's players tested positive for steroids, but Johnny's steroid policy was inspired by Major League Baseball's. "Everybody is concentrating on the negative. I'm impressed that 50% of the winning team isn't on steroids. Why isn't anyone talking about that?" said Johnny.

The Missing Heads breezed to a 102-85 win over Muck Fichigan on Wednesday. But the real story would be hard to believe if you weren't getting it from such a trustworthy source. Phine 'n' Phishin' had their brains sucked out by aliens midway through round one, and the result was the second lowest score in Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo history. A 24. To put that in perspective, the Missing Heads scored more than that in Round Three alone. Johnny bravely tried to fight off the aliens, but even with his legendary superhuman strength, he was helpless against their otherworldly powers.

Argh, Me Groin! won their second title at the Bards, holding off Team Hater and No More Braided Belts, 100-97-96. The Groins were the only team to spell saponaceous correctly, and made their way to the Johnny Goodtimes High Scores page. The Western Omelette did not perform necessarily well, at least in the academic sense. I am happy to report, however, that their bitching and whining skills still remain unsurpassed. The Sulpher Clams were able to ward off the competition to retain their perennial last place standing.

S3, who had not won since the inaugural Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo at O'Neals, was finally able to win again, holding off Fans, Not Groupies, 88-86. Parisisaslut.com (pictured at bottom right) had a comfortable lead going into the final round, but choked for the second consecutive week." Johnny replied, "I haven't seen a choker this big since Latrell Sprewell!" When told of Johnny's comments, Latrell was not amused. "Come on, Johnny. That's pretty weak. That jokes a little dated, don't you think? No wonder you got booed off the stage during your comedy gig at Muhlenberg University."

The Bloody Noses, a team of local doctors "tying one on" to relieve the stress of having to perform open heart surgery in a few hours, were able to stagger to a 98-93 win over Special Ed Ed in the first ever Quizzo at Doc Watson's. "You know," said Dr. Chuckie Needlebump (in photo, top right) "This is my first ever heart surgery. So to go into it with not only a buzz, but also a win, gives me the relaxation and confidence I'll need to perform so delicate a procedure."

Livin' Feelin' stayed alive on Wednesday at Nick's, blowing out the competiton, making the Nation of Quizlam look more like a Banana Republic of morons. Actually, the Nation was able to finish second, edging out Fo' Quizzel My Nizzel and overcoming a pathetic display by the defending champion Monkey Test-EZ, who couldn't even crack 70. I will have an absolutely crazy story about last weeks quizzo on the website in a few days, so stay tuned.

The Remains of Robert Durst's Head won a squeaker in double OT at the Black Sheep Quizzo spectacular on Wednesday night. The two teams finished the contest tied at 89, but in Round two of OT, the Head was able to pull off the victory. The Frank Clements Castaways finished third with 83. In other news, these two cute chicks told Johnny they would call him, but hey, let's face it, he's heard that old song and dance before.

In the tightest Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo spectacular ever, Bowling for Quizzo defeated Western Omelette, 91-90. Would you Eat Them With A Goat had 89, and the defending champ Argh! Me Groin had 88. The top four teams were seperated by three points! And the curse of the Bard's continues, as no team has ever won back to back titles! But no team has been haunted more than Western Omelette, who last night were spooked by the ghost of Kurtis Blow. On the question, "What is Kurtis Blow's favorite play in "Basketball", the team had the correct answer but scratched it out. "I swear," said team member Ed Hackett, "That Kurtis Blow's ghost told us to change our answer to slam dunk." But while Kurtis likes the slam dunk, taking it to the hoop, his favorite play is the alley oop. (Inside sources also tell us that Blow likes the pick-n-roll, he likes the give-n-go, this is basketball by Mr. Kurtis Blow.) The other strange thing about seeing Mr. Blow's ghost is that, as far as the Johnny Goodtimes Research Committee could find out, he's still alive. (Click on picture below to see photographic evidence of Blow's ghost.)

Diflucan was able to break free from the pack while at the same time breaking free from yeast (I have no idea what that means, they just told me to say it.) Anyways, they were able to hold off a stingy Team Cirrhosis, 87-80, to get back on the winners podium. Meanwhile Team Hater, who scored a controversial victory last week, was severely punished by the Johnny Goodtimes Ethics Committee. "I can't believe we had to play with Jessica Simpson," said one team member. "I mean, she's hot and all, but damn, what a dumb bitch." Team Hater finished a worst ever sixth.

The Monkey Test-EZ were able to hold off the Thundercats-Hoe, The Nation of Quizlam, and Fo' Quizzel My Nizzel to win the Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular at the place it all began, Nick's Roast Beef. The Monkeys were able to win despite having "Extra Baggage" Bagley (pictured at far right), who has an IQ that hovers around 30.

Easy Money caught fire on Wednesday night, missing only two questions over the course of the entire game, and both of those were in the first round. They finished with 116 to shatter the old record by six points. It's Albert, Damnit was a bridesmaid again this week. "That's OK," said one member of It's Albert, "We've got like four hot chicks on our team. They've only got one. I think we're the real winners."

Frank Clements was sold recently, and when the staff showed up for work on November 1st, they were told they no longer had jobs. There were a lot of wonderful people who worked there, and I will sorely miss them. It was really neat to be a part of Philadelphia history, and I'm sorry that all of that was gone overnight. There aren't many places like that left.
I thoroughly enjoyed the regular crowd we had on Tuesday nights, and though I know we can never recreate that experience entirely, I do hope we can find somewhere else to meet. If you have anything to say about the Frank Clements closing or would like to let me know where we should try to do a quizzo on Tuesdays at 6:00 p.m., please check out the message board. I have spoken with several bars in the area, and I would like to find one where you guys would feel most comfortable. Edie, everyone's favorite waitress, wrote a note that I thought you guys might like to read.

Argh! Me Groin was able to outlast all-time high scorer His Boy Elroy and hometown favorites Eggs Benedict to win the Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular at The Bards. The Groin pulled away in the True/False Round, and was able to hold on in Round Four for a 97-95-94 win.
The Groin, who credit their success to "A zen-like mindstate and lots of Icy-Hot cream", plan on returning to the Bards to defend the title. No team has won back ot back titles at the Bards yet.

There was turmoil at O'Neals on Tuedsday night, as Team Hater destroyed the competition. But it was Team Hater's newest member that drew the most ire.

"Albert Einstein is probably, like, the smartest dude ever," said Bert Toastwax, a member of one of the losing teams. "There's no way he should be allowed to play Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular."

"Yeah," chimed in Sandy Popadopalous, "And I thought it was totally unfair that the wild card round topic this week was quantum physics."

Johnny Goodtimes said that the quantum physics thing was "a strange coincidence," but not everybody was buying it.

"Then how come there were three questions in Round Four about the theory of relativity?" asked Spector Jackson.

The Johnny Goodtimes Ethics Committee has promised to look into any possible improprieties.

WTF, after offering a heartfelt apology to its fans for a controversial outburst last week, regained it's composure and held off two squads (The White Sox and the Golden Monkeys) by a 70-68 score. The White Sox were able to fight off the Monkeys in Overtime to secure the second place gift certificate.

The summer was warm for most people in Philly, but not for Hi Ho Silver, who were on a cold streak of Siberian proportions. That ended last night, as they were able to hold off the Nation of Quizlam by a 72-67 score. The Nation had finished last a week before, but made some roster changes and should be a force to reckon with in the future.

It all came down to the last question. Johnny stared at the paper in stunned disbelief. THEY HAD DONE IT! Italians Do It Better had set a new Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular record, shattering the old one by seven points. Over four rounds, they had scored only 19 points! That's almost impossible when you consider that the true/false round is, at worst, a 50/50 proposition. But this was a team of destiny. They managed to get only two true/false questions correct, and from there it was smooth sailing. The reaction in Italy was a mixture of pandemonium and euphoria.

"There has not been this much excitement since we beat the West Germans in the 1982 World Cup Final!" said Michaelangelo Da Vinci, a male hooker in Milan. "Finally, the Italians are Number One again!"

Johnny has offered to buy the team a glass of very cheap champagne if they contact him. "The moment was so magical," said Johnny, his voice quivering, "I just wish it wouldn't end." Critics say that Johnny just wants an excuse to hang out with the hot Italian girl. "No comment," remarked Goodtimes.

The Western Omelette, which grew exponentially as the game wore on, were able to outlast A Name on Tuesday, 85-78. The Johnny Goodtimes Ethics Committee lodged a complaint after Tuesday's contest against the two "members" of Omelette who were essentially making out on the floor. "It's been so long since Johnny made out with anyone, the last thing he needs to see is two other people making out. From now on, any making out at the Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular will have to include Mr. Goodtimes," said Ethics Committee Chairman Fritz Harddrive.


Johnny Goodtimes Ethics Committee (from L to R: Antowain Cadillac, Elroy Sutcliffe, Jimmy "Superfly" Kielbasa, Fritz Harddrive, Sparky Beefcake, and Teddy Roosevelt, Jr.)

After a bitter, heartbreaking loss at the hands of Pudge Rodriguez and Team Hater in overtime last week, the Snachos started slowly but came back and outlasted SLS to win 80-75, in the Johnny Goodtimes Spectacular at O'Neals. SLS darted out to an early 11-6 lead after round one, but the Snachos stayed the course and had the game tied up after round three. After an emotional win last week, Team Hater seemed drained and never really got on track, finishing with 72.

One member of Deweey Cheatum and Howe (whose name I won't mention-you'll never guess) screamed and moaned when I announced that the second round would be baseball, then her team got a perfect score that round. But that was not enough to hold off the Jams, who came from behind to knock off DC and H, 88-85. This was the Jams second straight win, and fourth in the last five. The cute girls who played last week were no-shows, leaving Johnny bitter and disillusioned.

Team WTF hung on to win with 84 points in a performance that was almost ruined by some unacceptable behavior by a team member. And for the last time, Jerry Lee Lewis is not the "Big Bopper!"

In one of the most exciting match-ups of the season, Team Hater was able to pull off a victory in overtime, 99-98, when Pudge Rodriguez, who has come up huge in these last few weeks, answered three of five questions correctly in OT. The controversy came when a fan reached out and swiped a correct answer out of the minds of the Snachos. The fan, who is as of yet unidentified, had to be led out of O'Neals by police. Fans of the team were outraged. "That idiot just reached out and stole that answer from the minds of the Snachos. Johnny should have called fan interference." The Snachos have not won a Johnnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular since 1908, and many think they are cursed. (O'Neals does not permit billy goats inside the bar.)

That's Our Foul Ball won for the second time in three weeks, surviving a scare from Western Omelette, 84-81. The Omelette was looking good, but was overcooked by the Foul Ball. The Omelette had hoped to win back to back titles, but they committed a late error on what should have been a double play ball.

The Jams were able to climb back on top, winning for the third time in the last four weeks, a streak interrupted only by Dewey, Cheatum, and Howe last week. The Broad Street Bullies were able to finish finish second. More importantly, the cute girls in the back finished fourth or fifth or something, and Johnny hopes they contact him.

His Boy Elroy crushed the competition again, breaking the 100 point barrier for the second straight week. The Black Sheep Flockers, attempting to become the first team to win back to back Quizzos (Black Sheep and Nick's), took a 52-51 lead into the final round, but fell to pieces under the pressure.

The Black Sheep Flockers were able to emerge victorious at the Black Sheep, overcoming the handicap of going a little heavy on the alcohol. Soon after the victory, one of the members of the team was reprimanded by police officers for climbing a tree. (That's not a joke. I seriously saw it happen after the event.) Johnny Goodtimes does not condone or endorse said behavior, though he does find it at least mildly amusing.

Do We Get Cheated and How blew past the field in the Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular on Tuesday at Frank Clements, knocking off the second place finishers (Special Ed Ed) 105-92. 105 was the third highest score ever in a Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo. Two time defending champs the Jams finished third.

Western Omelette took a frying pan to the head of the competition on Tuesday at the Bards, browning out second place Brown Town, 92-75. Superfly finished with a new record low score of 26.

Whatchamacallit fought off Team Hater in round four of the Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular to win a squeaker, 94-89. Defending champ SLS finished 3rd with a score of 74.

His Boy Elroy turned in a remarkable performance on Wednesday night, breaking the hours old record with a 110. They answered 38 out of 40 questions correctly to blow past the competition. The Horsecranks finished 2nd, with a respectable 96.

Braintrust came from all over the United States to set a new record with a 108. The celebration was shortlived, however, as that record was broken at Nick's two hours later. The Trust defeated the second place squad by 13 points, and walked away with the $40 gift certificate. "We quiz each other on business trips all the time, so this was a chance to finally show off our stockpile of useless knowledge.

The Jams won at Frank Clements for the second straight week, crossing the 100 point threshold again. They barely overcame a spirited performance by Special Ed, who has finished in the money for three consecutive weeks with a 97. (One first and two seconds.) Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe finished third with a 95.

The Somnambulists came from behind to record an 87-84 win over the Knights of Ni, leaving them stunned and a touch disillusioned. The last place team, who asked not to be identified, finished with a new Johnny Goodtimes record of 27 points in the contest. The most inspirational play in the contest came from Huevos Rancheros, who had only nine after two rounds but came on with a vengeance, scoring 66 points in rounds three and four to finish in third.

SLM Sliced, Leveled and Mutilated the competition at O'Neals on Tuesday night, recording a blowout 87-74 win over Adam Shapiro and the RoadTrippers. SLM led from beginning to end. The most disappointing performance came from Quattros Equis, who fell to pieces and recorded a meager 61.

The I team, an early millenium rip-off of the 80's hit TV series "A-Team," won in overtime in the first Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo at Black Sheep. The Brows, last after the first round, made a nice run in the final round to tie the score at 61, before the I Team pulled away in OT. Johnny returns to the Black Sheep Wednesday at 8:00 p.m., as contestants vie for the $40 gift certificate that goes to the winner.

Swillensky was able to hold off a feisty Western Omelette squad in the final round to win the inaugural addition of the Johnny Goodtimes Brain Attack at The Bards, 87-82. The Western Omeletes were 15 down going into round number four, but turned on the cheese and almost turned the Swillensky's into minced ham. The Master Debaters got whacked, scoring only 47.

Team Hater became only the second team to crack triple digits with a score of 100 yesterday, blowing out the second place Tres Equis, who finished with 87 points. Team Hater took an early lead and never looked back.

The Jams exploded for a record 103 points to set a new Johnny Goodtimes Brain Attack record on Tuesday. They did the impossible, scoring a perfect 55 in the Impossible Round. Defending Champs Special Ed Ed had the lead going into round four, but had to settle for second place with 92 points. The Broad Street Bullies, minus a couple of key players, were still able to grab third place after a slow start.

It was a record setting night at Nick's Roast Beef as "Horse Cranks" set the Nick's Roast Beef quizzo record and tied the Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular record with an impressive 96 points. Bill & Mike finished 2nd with 84 points, defending champ "His Boy Elroy" finished a dissapointing 5th, with 70 points.
Will Horse Cranks be able to defend their title? Will their Ivy League ringer return? Will their parole officers pick them up before next Wednesday? Will "Special Ed Ed" accept the Horse Cranks challenge to show up in Old City? Only one way to find out. Show up next Wednesday for the next chapter in Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular history.

Special Ed Ed scored a perfect score through the first two rounds, and held off the Sealappers in round four, to win 96-92. The Broad Street Bullies struggled in the wild card round, and landed in third with 87. The defending champs Do We Get Cheated and How never got on track, finishing with 66.

The Bards, located at 2013 Walnut, will be entertained by the Johnny Goodtimes Brain Attack on Tuesdays starting on September 23rd. The Quizzo will begin at 10 p.m. on Tuesdays.

Known as "The Jose Mesas" in the quizzo world due to their late game breakdowns, Do We Get Cheated and How were finally able to rip the monkey from their backs in stirring fashion, holding off Ditech by one point, 95-94. The Broad Street Bullies, who are about as popular in Philadelphia as Andy Reid's playcalling, had a seven point lead going into the final stanza, but uncharacteristically fell apart and scored only 30 in the fourth round.

One man �berstar romps at Nick's Roast Beef. Don Seymour (His Boy Elroy)overcame a twelve point deficit in the final round to shock defending champ Fingerless Phrenology Limited, 83-80. Don was the only player to spell "sesqicentenary" correctly in the final round. Phrenology missed it by one letter, and thus lost the illustrious $50 gift certificate.

Here are a few things that were learned this past week at quizzo:

Alaska contains the westernmost, northernmost, and easternmost points in the United States. (the Aleutian Islands wrap around the Earth, and are located in the Eastern Hemisphere, with a longitude farther east than Maine.)

The president on the 2nd largest bill in the U.S. is Ulysses S. Grant, who is on the $50.

Dr. Robert Morton fired a bullet into a corpse and was the first man to use an x-ray machine on a human body.

Elizabeth I was completely bald.

Congratulations to 5th place finisher "We'll Rape the Winner" for making everyone feel a little uncomfortable. You've won the Johnny Goodtimes Name of the week prize!