Recently in Locust Rendezvous Category

*whose interior looks eerily like the Black Sheep.

Who defeated Jack Dempsey in the famous "Long Count" on this date in 1927?

• Who are you gonna ask?
• That girl over there.
• Summer Wheatly? How the heck are you gonna do that?
• Build her a cake or something.

In his skit "The Liar" on Saturday Night Live, Jon Lovitz always claimed that his wife was this woman, who was born in Dallas in 1950.

Before receiving her own comic in 1971, Sabrina the Teenage Witch debuted in 1971 in what comic?

This Philadelphia A's first baseman, who turns 100 today, hit 58 home runs in 1932.

This Syracuse native served as head of the Democratic National Committee from 2001-2005 and is currently the head of the Hillary Clinton for President Exploratory Committee.

In the new show Aliens in America, what country is the foreign exchange student from?

What team did the Phillies lose their 10,000th game to?

This Philly born sportscaster was best known for his "thrill of victory, the agony of defeat" monologue and his emotional coverage of the Munich Massacre at the 1972 Olympics.

This rock band, whose songs all sound exactly the same, have a hit song called "Rockstar" that morons in Manayunk (namely: everyone in Manayunk) who wear their hats backwards think is "totally kickass".

What is a Belgian cartoonist named Peyo best known for giving the world?

Why is Baltimore's team called the Ravens?

In what movie would you hear a remake of the song "Three Little Birds"?

Who wrote the book Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs?

Now known as Altria, what was this company known as from 1991-1996 while Rove was consulting them?

Who played Vincent, the boy who shoots Dr. Malcolm Crowe at the start of the 6th Sense?

Take a bottle, shake it up
__________, break it up

Pour some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me
C'mon fire me up

New York, Chicago, and this "Special Administrative Region" are the three places that most architects agree have the most compelling skylines.

Corey and River both starred in Stand by Me. Can you name the guys who played their two best friends in the movie?

The Flyers seemed to always win when this person sang "God Bless America" before their games in the 1970s.

He played Joey Perrini on Another World before playing Henry Hill in one of the greatest films ever made.

Who was the bassist for Jimi in the Jimi Hendrix Experience?

Wallace D. Fard founded this religious group in 1930, then disappeared in 1934 after being taken into custody by the Chicago police department.

Palestra Jon should know this one: This Mets pitcher blew game Six of the '86 Series with a terrible 10th inning, but miraculously got the win when the Red Sox had their epic meltdown.

In what war did the Battle of Agincourt take place?

San Jose

Denverites were outraged when the new MIle High Stadium was given this name?

What group gave us the following lyrics:
I smoke on the mic like smokin Joe Frazier
The hell raiser, raisin hell with the flavor
Terrorize the jam like troops in Pakistan
Swingin through your town like your neighborhood Spiderman

What popular resort town in Maryland boasts 11 miles of beaches and Phillip's Seafood?

Sonnets 127-152 are very sexual in nature, and are addressed to this mysterious woman.

What pitcher once pitched a no-hitter while high on LSD, which some people have called the most impressve feat in the history of sports?

The deep dish pizza was invented in 1943 at this Chicago pizzeria.

In 1996, this company took out an ad in the New York Times claiming that it had bought the Liberty Bell and was renaming it. People were furious.

This general, who would be 93 today, was repeatedly quoted as saying, "It's not that we lost the war militarily. The fact is we as a nation did not make good our commitment to the South Vietnamese."

What crappy band was Dylan's son Jakob a member of?

The Jams (aka Britney Spears is Trying Hare Krishna) won for the 4th time in 5 weeks at the Vous. They racked up an impressive 110 and cruised to a 110-94 over 1022, who rallied in the 4th to pass Trust Us We Know for the silver.

Who was killed at Kealakekua Bay on Valentine's Day, 1779?

While in the US House, Lincoln opposed the Mexican American War and slammed this president who authorized it, claiming that he was looking for "military glory — that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood."

The Jams (aka Barbaro and the Glue Factory) took a perfect score into the final round, then finished with a 109 to take home an easy 109-89 win over Not So Much a Quiz, More a Way of Life. The Jams are expected to make a strong showing on Saturday. They finished 5th in QBI, and 3rd in QB2.

Orrin Hatch.

This DJ was prominently featured in American Graffiti.

While a member of NWA, Dr. Dre rapped, "We started out wit too much cargo...So I'm glad we got rid of Benedict Arnold." What former groupmate was he referring to?

Who blew a six stroke lead in the final round of the 1996 Masters?

(The Jams, looking to improve their image, had the lovely ladies of Leftover Crack pose for the past match photo.)
Who stars as Harry Lime in the movie Home Alone?

What was the name of Kate Winslet's character in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?

What adorable little creature had an arch enemy named Smedley?

Duane Chapman, a Honolulu resident, has a popular reality show that appears weekly on A & E. What show is it?

What were the four NHL divisions called until 1993?

I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I met him, fifteen years ago. I was told there was nothing left. No reason, no conscience, no understanding; even the most rudimentary sense of life or death, good or evil, right or wrong. I met this six-year-old child, with this blank, pale, emotionless face and, the blackest eyes... the *devil's* eyes! I spent eight years trying to reach him, and then another seven trying to keep him locked up because I realized what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply... *evil*!

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child!"

"You better cut the pizza in four pieces because I'm not hungry enough to eat six."

The Breakdance Fighters edged the Jams on Wednesday, but it was the mass media that was the star of he show, as they reported that bin Laden is not dead. Tommorrow, there are expected to be reports that Tony Blair is not dead, and on Tuesday they will let us know that Peter Forsberg isn't dead, either.

The Jams won at the Vous on Wednesday, then planned to celebrate that night with a huge spinach party. "I heard that spinach has like 10 times more Iron than other vegetables, so we are gonna load up," said team member Rob Kujo. "And if you ask me, there's only one way to buy your spinch-bagged. Mmmmmm, I love that bagged taste. Trust me, I'm gonna eat tons of this stuff tonight."

The Breakdance Fighters won for the 2nd straight week at the 'Vous, becoming the first team all year other than the Jams to win two straight weeks. Also, the guy 2nd from left looks like he is wearing a funny orange hat. In other news, Johnny Goodtimes attended a wedding in Jersey over the weekend. Hurt by the prospect that the day seemed to be all about the bride and groom and not about him, he decided to hog the spotlight by pulling out his best karaoke song at the reception-Flashdance. Johnny's stirring rendition of the Irene Cara masterpiece was a big hit, and Johnny's ego was massaged, though not as much as it would be a little later that night...

The JAMS had been an unstoppable force the past few weeks, not just winning, but winning big. But the Breakdance Fighters took a four point lead after two rounds and then held on for a 101-97 win. The team then celebrated by performing some totally sweet breakdancing moves.

The JAMS had been an unstoppable force the past few weeks, not just winning, but winning big. But the Breakdance Fighters took a four point lead after two rounds and then held on for a 101-97 win. The team then celebrated by performing some totally sweet breakdancing moves.

The Jams won at the Vous on Wednesday, then admitted that they probably would get drunker if they were in Milwaukee, which is the drunkest city in America. (We're only 9th? Come on. We can get drunker.) Trust Us We Know, who finished in second, would have been a lot angrier about the loss if they lived in Orlando (We're only 27th angriest. What the f***, Philly? 27th? Less angry than sissies like Charlotte and Denver? We need to get angrier. I think I know just the liquid to enable us to do so, and that way we can kill two birds with one stone.)

The Jams won at the Vous on Wednesday, then downplayed the relationship they had with members of the Israeli mob. The team, which has been staying at an upscale beachfront house on the Schuylkill River, says that rumors that they'll have to pay the mob back for the hospitality when one of them makes it onto Jeopardy are unfounded. But a postcard sent to the Jams by a member of the mob stated that, "These $25 gift certificates to the Rendezvous ain't cuttin' it. You need to earn some cash...or else." Rumor has it that if no team members make the big time, Darth Ern will have to auction off his Death Star to raise the money.
BTW: The photo is of beloved Rendezvous server (and now manager) Mary Kay, who just started Law School. Congrats!

The Jams won at the Vous on Wednesday, then admitted that they love the flamboyant referee. And reallywho can blame them?

The Jams regained the title they had lost last week, as they emerged victorious at the Vous on Wednesday. After the match, Johnny revealed that he had recently received a heartwarming love letter on his myspace account. A letter that had him "believing in love again". It reads, as follows, unedited.
HOW You make me feel special, like I'm your one and only. You make me feel like I'm a star in the sky lighting up your life. You make me feel safe when I'm near you, wrapped up in your arms. You make me feel like an angel from heaven because you never stop telling me how much you love me. You're always lighting up my heart with the things you do and say. I feel so happy just being with you this way. You're my baby, and will forever be my baby. You'll will always be the love of my life. Hello Am rose From FL 27 Years old.I;m Single Never married and u..i come throought ur proflie and u sound so nice to me here ..I simple want someone to share it with. me online

Well, Rose, if the Traffic.com truck was heading to Florida, me and Lyle would be sure to look you up. Sadly, I'll have to light up someone else's heart with the things I do and say. I hope you don't feel unsafe when you're out of my arms. Sincerely-JGT

Sea Ewe In Tea, an offshoot of MAGMA, won at a start studded 'Vous on Wednesday with an impressive 107. Quizzo luminaries in attendance included The Champs and the Jams, who both finished with a 104, and PalestraJon. "Wow," exclaimed Goodtimes, "I haven't seen this many celebrities in the same room since We Are the World." SUPER TRIVIA FUN FACT: We Are the World was co-written by Michael Jackson and Lionel Richie.

Chris R. crushed Darth Ern in their highly anticipated mano a mano quizzo duello at the Vous on Wednesday night, and Darth Ern had to chip in $50 to the Nationalities Services Center. More importantly, the Ernettes, a national legion of female Ern fans, were devastated by the loss, and are really quite unsure where to turn. "We don't know what to do, but hari kari isn't out of the question."

After months of smack talk, Chris R and Darth Ern have decided to settle this like men...with a little quizzo duello. That's right, in the midst of tonight's regular quizzo at the Vous, they will be settling a score on their own. The koolest part is, the rivalry is all going to a good cause. The loser has to give up $50 to the Nationalities Service Center, a school dedicated to teaching the English language to immigrants (It seems to have a higher success rate than the "This is America...Speak English" signs). Chris R encouraged Joe Vento to help out with the school about a month ago, but has yet to hear back from him. Of course, most importantly, bragging rights will be on the line.

The Jams won again at the Vous on Wednesday night, and success has so gone to their heads that only Barb agreed to be photographed without being compensated financially. But heading into next week's match, the lead story will not be about the Jams dominance, but about the mano a mano competion taking place between Darth Ern and Chris R of MAGMA. If Darth Ern agrees to it, the two men will each form a one man team, and whoever scores higher wins the bet. If Darth Ern scores higher, Chris R has to order a cheesesteak from Geno's in Spanish. If Chris wins, Darth has to order lunch at La Lupe in Spanish. To be perfectly honest, I think these guys are very evenly matched, and I would predict a very close contest, decided by only a few points. This could be a lot of fun.
Related: The seed is planted for a showdown.

The Jams won at the Rendezvous Wednesday night, but the spotlight was stolen by a mildly crazy woman who sat beside me with a white teddy bear that she had dancing regularly throughout the game. She also said, "Ooh, that one's right on the tip of my tongue" after every question I asked. She never stopped talking, and I couldn't understand most of what she said b/c she mumbled. But then, at the end of her sentences, she would break down laughing, and she had one of those wonderful, throaty laughs, that you just can't help joining in on. So the majority of my night was listening to mumbling, watching a dancing white teddy bear, and laughing my head off for no apparent reason. Good times. Good times.

Sure, the Jams were not at full strength, and Darth Ern knows about about death metal as he does about being demure, but that little mattered as the Six Pack edged Trust Us We Know for a memorable win at the Rendezvous on Wednesday. And then there was this: The Six Pack pulls off the shocker and, hours later, al-Zarqawi is killed. Coincidence?

The debate over whether virginity pledges work intensified at the Rendezvous, as the victorious Jams claimed that they were all virgins, while the third place 6-Pack (below) said that they blew their noses with said pledges, and then started "whoring it up". The Jams said that often times, when confronted with the opportunity to enjoy amorous pursuits, walked away when they remembered that they had signed a pledge. "Absolutely," said Rob Jam, "My baby was a miracle child, immaculately conceived." FULL DISCLOSURE: Sadly, JGT could have signed a virginity pledge as a teenager, and actually stayed true to it thoughout high school.

The Jams won at the Vous on Wednesday, and were one of a few teams over a two day stretch that knew who Eddie Gaedel was. The wild card round this week was Baseball and Makeup, with five questions about each. Question number five was, "Who was the only midget to play in a major league game?" It's a pretty fascinating story. Here's a pretty good write up about it.

The Jams, who have already achieved their goal of quizzo dominance, now want to dominate something else: the world of moustache cultivation and maintenance. "I really don't see any competitors out ther who can beat me if I really put my mind to this," said Jam Captain. "Except for maybe the guy who made a windmill out of his beard He's gonna be tough to beat."

This team, whose name I can't think of, and isn't wort' getting off my ass to go find out, won at the Rendezvous on Wednesday, beating the Jams in overtime. They tried to make like they wasn't Jams and changed their team name. Thought they could trick old Bobby. Wrong, punks! I know who you is. And the team that won and that I don't care what their name is had a couple of broads that couldn't keep their hands off the permanent. And who can blame 'em? It's like runnin' your hand trew butta, baby. Butta.

The Jams came out in full force on Wednesday night, and they needed every team member to edge MAGMA, 114-110. Had MAGMA answered the final question correctly (Where is the duodenum located?), they would have been the first visiting team to walk out of the Vous with a win over the Jams. But they answered large intestine instead of small intestine, and the Jams squeaked out the win. The Jams have also defeated the Champs and the Sofa Kingdom on their home turf. In other big news, Darth Ern joined forces with the Artist, the Philosopher, and the Engineer.

The Jams won easily at the Vous this past week, then watched in surprise as President Mahmood Ahmadinejad of Iran denied the Jams right to exist, saying that they were a "stain" on the quizzo community that "needed to be eliminated". Naturally, the Jams were shocked. "Wow, Mahmmod follows the trials and travails of the Philadelphia quizzo scene?" asked a shocked Barbara Billingsby. "I didn't even know they had computers there." It turns out that they don't, but that there is a "buzz" in the streets of Teheran about "a trivia contest run by infidels for infidels", though several of the hardliners we talked to admitted that they "kind of liked the Woody Allen or George W. Bush Round". Interestingly, Mahmood's fiery rhetoric against the Jams has actually eased some of the pressure being applied by Western powers. Said a spokesman for German president Horst Kohler, "Hell, nobody at the G-8 really likes the Jams, either."

Trust Us We Know was not happy when they arrived at the Vous on Wednesday, realizing that another team had taken their usual table. So angry in fact, that they broke out of a long slump and destroyed every other team in the field, including the Jams. Meanwhile, the Artist, Philosopher, and Engineer (below) finished an impressive second...thru three rounds. We won't talk about what happened in round four, but their three round performance was a real moral victory.

The Jams won at the Rendezvous on Wednesday, taking home the $20 cash prize and beating the Sofa Kingdom by nine. The Champs, mewhile, had made overtures that they would be there, but didn't show. "I haven't decided what I'm going to do with my share of the bounty," said Darth Ern. "I might use it to buy a suitcase from Donald Rumsfeld-rumor has it he has some excess baggage."

Johnny Goodtimes has put out rare bounty on the head of the Jams, offering a $20 cash reward to anyone who can rope them in and take them down. The Jams have won 7 times in the last 9 weeks, and need to be stopped. Therefore Johnny is going Buddy Ryan style, and if a team wins this Wednesday by beating the Jams, Johnny will give out $20 on top of the usual gift certificate. (Sorry, but if your team finishes 2nd and beats the Jams, you get nothing. Sorry, but I can't just be handing out my millions willie nille.)

Johnny Goodtimes has put out rare bounty on the head of the Jams, offering a $20 cash reward to anyone who can rope them in and take them down. The Jams have won 7 times in the last 9 weeks, and need to be stopped. Therefore Johnny is going Buddy Ryan style, and if a team wins this Wednesday by beating the Jams, Johnny will give out $20 on top of the usual gift certificate. (Sorry, but if your team finishes 2nd and beats the Jams, you get nothing. Sorry, but I can't just be handing out my millions willie nille.)

The Jams won at the Vous on Wednesday, but their joy was short-lived, as they found out after the contest that Suge Knight could lose his rap empire. "Man, I hope Suge beats the rap," said Doug Fresh (far right). "I mean, if it wasn't for him, I would have never gotten away with killing 2Pac. Uh, wait, did I just say that out loud?"

The Jams came away with a win at the Vous on Wednesday night, but a bigger story was the triumphant return of Chase Millionz to the local rap scene. The Jams had been emotionally destroyed when they saw their man dissed on a nearby pay phone weeks ago, so needless to say that they were thrilled when they walked down 13th and South and saw that Chase had made his response-by stenciling his name into the sidewalk! "Simple, yet brilliant," said Mike Millionz (not related). "If he wasn't the s***, would he really be this skilled at stencilling?"

The River of Rocks returned after an extended sabbatical to knock off the crowd at the Vous on Wednesday, then prepared to eat The Rendezvous new 14 1/2 pound burger (Free admission to next week's quizzo if you can eat the swhole thing in less than 2 hours!). "I dunno, it big, but it's no Beer Barrel Belly Buster," said team member Lil' Kim Hammock. "Now that's a burger!"

Darth Ern, under pressure from the IRS for not reporting his quizzo prize money from last year, disguised himself as a Storm Trooper to avoid them, then took home a victory at the Vous. "Johnny, please don't give people the impression that I'm any less evil just because I have a Storm Trooper helmet on. I am an evil, evil man. An evil man who will do anything to keep his quizzo earnings from the federal government. Bwaaaahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!"

The Jams (with special guest star Darth Ern), edged out Cheney's Got a Gun, who surprisingly did not try to shoot Ern in the face with birdshot after the match (what should quizzo be called? A game? A match? A scrum? I need some help here). Regardless, the Jams still won though several of their big guns didn't even show. But there's no time for discussion of their victory. Johnny has like hundreds more pics to post before 5 p.m., and the clock is becoming a factor.

Cheney's Got a Gun

1022

Gag Reflex

Taylor Tots

Dio Trio

Damn, I Lost Their Paper and Can't Remember Their Team Name

Moist Towellettes

The Artist, the Philosopher, and the Engineer

Johnny's anncement that he's totally got the hots for Eve shook up the rap community, but they didn't shake up the Jams. "Listen," said Rich Kupchak, "Johnny may have impressed her with his rapping skills a few years ago(true story, swear to God-ed.), but that doesn't mean she's gonna give him a chance now. Do you know how much street cred she would lose if she dated a freaking quizmaster?" That's Johnny's point exactly. "Listen, it's one of those two different worlds things where she hangs out with cool black people and I hang out with nerdy white people and yet somehow we make it work." Johnny will keep you up to date on his quest to land a date with Eve as it develops. Or,more likely, as it fails to develop.

The Jams won a close one at the Vous on Wednesday, but their happiness was short lived. On the walk home, they swung past this payphone (below), and were shocked by what they found. Said Doug Fresh, "We had all thought that Chase Millionz was THE s***, so to discover that he ain't s*** was a shock to us all." The phone company tells us that they did not place that sticker on the payphone (located at 17th and Spruce), and that some outside party was the culprit. Phone calls to Chase Millionz were not returned. Rumor has it that the culprit was his former rap partner Lawst Thousandz, though this cannot be confirmed.

The Jams dreams of a perfect game were almost achieved at the Rendezvous, as they missed only one question, one about former Ram QB Kurt Warner. "Damn him!" said Mike Moonbeam of the Jams. "Damn that Kurt Warner! Oh well, he's got it worse than I do. He married that 50 year old chick with the crew cut back when he was bagging groceries, and then had to stick with her when he became a superstar. If you ask me, he's the real loser here."

Related: OK, fair enough, so they actually have a really nice love story but I am far too bitter to be enjoying really nice love stories.

1022 won for the first time since last April, then talked about how great they thought this month's edition of Philadelphia Magazine. "Yeah, I thought the article they did about conspicous consumption by the most disgustingly pretentious bourgeoisies*in the area was really thought provoking," said Dusty Flair of 1022. "That's what great journalism is all about, and that's what this city is all about."
Rumor: Johnny to have letter to the editor in the upcoming Philadelphia Weekly blasting Philly Mag.
*uh, not exactly sure how to pluralize it

A tussle broke out at the Vous on Wednesday, as the Jams took issue with a group of scientists who are trying to prove Einstein's E=mc squared theory wrong, and before you knew it. The Jams, die hard Einstein fans all, jumped the group of young scientists moments after the above photo was taken. "They had it coming, with all their holier than Albert pish posh," said Jammer Mike McMichaelson. The fight ended with Mike picking up one of the scientists, throwing him out the window, and yelling, "E=mc you later, punk!"

The Flexible Catheters brought along a Ben Franklin expert to quizzo on Wednesday night, and it paid off, as they scored the second most points in quizzo history, 117. In fact, the only question the team missed, "Did Peter the Great become the leader of Russia before or after 1706", they scratched out before (the correct answer) and put after. Peter the Great, though a fan of Westernization, was happy to see that he had thwarted the Americans. "I think this proves once and for all who the true superpower is," said the King, who is currently fighting off a Swedish army led by Charles XII.

The Jams won at the Vous on Wednesday night, then gave Pat Robertson their wholehearted endorsement. Robertson, who said that Ariel Sharon had a stroke b/c he was cooperating with the Palestinians and had angered God. "Yeah, you can ask any medical doctor, and they'll tell you that most strokes are caused by pissing off God," said Raul Asegway of the Jams. "If you don't know that, it's b/c the left wing media is covering it up." Asegway went on to say that Lou Rawls had died because he had performed "Satan's music", and his death was payback by a vengeful God. Johnny hopes Robertson gets hit by a bus.

The Jams won on Wednesday at the Rendezvous, then vowed to singlehandedly get Ed Wade fired in 2006. "Come on, this just simply isn't working out," said Dougie Douglas of the Jams. "We've given Ed Wade eight full years to turn this thing around, and he just hasn't...what? They did? Oh, uh, then I guess my resolution is to try to eat more vegetables or something."

The Daily Specials gave Johnny no choice but to believe in Christmas miracles, as they came from behind to beat Trust Us We Know at the Rendezvous on Wednesday night. "We would have preferred to meet with a color Santa, but the black and white film was better, so it's kool that that's the dude that showed up," said Jamie Mistletoe of the Specials. Miracle on 34th Street really strikes a chord with Mistletoe; he was institutionalized a few years ago when he claimed to be the Easter Bunny, and his lawyer was able to prove that he really was and get him out.

Trust Us We Know, a team known for being easily seduced by various cults, smashed a stacked Jams lineup with some help from Claude Vorilhon, better known as Rael. Trust Us We Know, who had in the past played with the Maharishi and Sun Myung Moon, took home an extra $20, even though Johnny had been told earlier that day that the Jams weren't coming. They not only came, but they played with Ern and one of the members of the Bullies. After the contest, the Jams said that they would come up with $20 cash for anyone who could beat them next week. "No way we lose two weeks in a row."
RELATED: A really good article on the Raelians. Am I the only one getting excited about these guys?

The Jams won yet again on Wednesday at the Vous, after the game telling the 2nd place team, "Don't feel bad, we win every week." Does it count as cockiness if it's true? This win was their 19th in the last six months, meaning that they win roughly 3 out of every 4 weeks. Is there anybody who can stop this juggernaut? I don't think so. In fact, I got twenty bucks on it. Any team that can finish first next week, and in the process beat the Jams, I will give $20 to (in addition to the winning gift certificate). At a bar like the Vous, where they got like $2 beers, $20 extra can go a long way. I feel pretty confident I'll be holding onto my Jackson.

The Jams pulled off the win at the Vous on Wednesday, but the real story was the reappearance of Jessica Simpson, making her first public appearance since the seperation from Nick. The rumor mill began swirling almost immediately, as she fawned over teammate Rob "The Glide" Drexler all night. "Listen," said Rob. "We're just really good friends. This has been a really tough week for her. She's just needed somebody to cry with, and she knows that I am a sensitive, caring guy." Rob then added, " But man, do her boobs look good or what?"

Darth Ern finally pulled off a victory at the Vous on Wednesday night, momentarily silencing critics who had said that he had lost his magic since turning to the Dark Side. Ern was understandably emotional after the win. "There are those who thought I couldn't win as a major force of evil in the universe," siad Darth, his voice cracking. "That my dedication to making the universe a worse place was hampering my trivia knowledge of 15th century Dutch oil painters. Well, I think this win tonight proves that you can both be evil and possess a treasure trove of useless information."

The Daily Specials were able to squeak past Trust Us We Know at the Vous on Wednesday night, 97-92. The upset win did not seem to faze Johnny's cat Popiko, whose latest nap hit the 19 hour mark. "This is a big one," said Goodtimes. "He's really sending a message to the other cats as we hit prime nap weather that his extreme napping skills are not to be taken lightly."

The Jams pulled out another victory at the 'Vous on Wednesday night, but it may well be their last. Sadly, the team hails from Dover, Delaware, who God is very displeased with right now. In fact, one of God's spokespersons, the well-respected Pat Robertson, has announced that Dover will be destroyed in the near future. Hunger, War, and Disease, though important topics for the Lord, do not make him as angry as school board turnover in Delaware's capital, and he will therefore be delivering a horrifying strike to the city in the near future. "I know that Dover's apocalypse is coming soon, because of the new school board, but wouldn't it be ironic if it was locusts?" said team member Antwoine Mispel, referring to the team's success at the Locust Rendezvous.

Trust Us We Know blew out the competition at the 'Vous on Wednesday, then partied long into the night in celebration of Ralph macchio's 43rd birthday, which is today. "Karate Kid III was his best work," said team member Allison Eagle. "Are you kidding me?" asked Dell Doughnut. "The original was sensational." Jack Lundburger piped in, "You guys are both wrong. His best work was as Cop #2 in Popcorn Shrimp with Master P." Click below to learn more about this movie, which was directed and written by Christopher Walken.

The The Great Jam-kin won the Johnny Goodtimes Spooktacular for the 2nd time in three years. It was discovered after the match that the giant pumpkin on the left was not a pumpkin at all, but team member Doug E. Stale, a local detective who does a lot of undercover work in nearby pumpkin patches.

Trust Us We Know edged the Jams and the Legions of Ern at the 'Vous on Wednesday. After the match, team member Apache Jackson (below, 3rd from right) said that he fully intended to become the new lead singer of Van Halen. "I think I'll probably win the contest. I have the hair, I am criminally irresponsible, and I like to drink warm vodka."

The Jams pulled off a victory at the Vous on Wednesday night, then spoke at length about the upcoming movie, Rocky VI. "If you thought Rocky V was great, then your going to love this one," said an excited James Duckworth. "In this one, Rocky's headed to Canada to get his prescription drugs refilled for cheap when an overzealous Mountie tries to start s*** with the 'washed up ex-champ'. Well, let's just say that Rocky would have kicked his ass if not for the arthritic hip. Instead, ol' Balboa talks about the Great Depression and FDR and 'that confounded rap music all the youngsters are listening to'. I'm not sure, but I think that this one has Tommy Morrison in it, too."

The Jams pulled off a victory at the 'Vous on Wednesday, then talked about how excited they are to have Barry Melrose back in action. Said Rob Crabtree, "Listen, I could care less about hockey. But there's something about that Barry Melrose I just can't get enough of. Last season, there was a big void in my life. I was hoping that, with all his extra free time, he could come by my house and hang out or we could wrestle or something. But he didn't answer my fan mail. Oh well, he's still the best, and he's still got the most kickass Kentucky Waterfall ever."

It should have been a banner day for the Daily Specials. They had pulled off the improbable, coming from 11 down in the final round to take a win away from the red hot Trust Us We Know. But the team was in a solemn mood after the contest, consoling team member Paris Hilton, who recently broke off her engagement. "This comes as a shock to us all," said Jasper Weinburger of the Specials. "It was all so perfect. Getting married to a Greek Shipping heir, she was gonna be the next Jackie O. Except that Jackie O. wasn't an ugly slut. And she had class and style. And a brain. But other than that there were so many similarities."

Trust Us We Know made a controversial trade in the week leading up to this week's contest at the Vous, and the gamble paid off, as they knocked off the Jams, 108-107. On Monday, the team traded the talented but troubled Sun Myung Moon to a quizzo team in India for the Maharishi and a minor leaguer to be named later. "Yeah, Moon was good, but he kept trying to get us to marry each other and stop talking to our parents," said team member Star Myung Planet. "We felt like the Maharishi would be a calming influence in the clubhouse. I think the results speak for themselves."

The only thing Trust Us We Know knew, it seemed, was what it was like to be a bridesmaid. The team, which I'm fairly sure has the JGT record for most 2nd place finishes in history (though we're too lazy to keep track of such things), broke out with a vengeance on Wednesday, scoring an incredible 116 points, tied for the 2nd highest score ever, and the highest score ever at the 'Vous. The only question they missed was "Titan and Triton are the only two moons to have what?" They thought it was their own moons. The answer was their own atmosphere. "I feel bad," said team member Moe "Once, Twice, Three Times a" Leidy. "I feel like we let our spiritual leader, Reverend Sun Myung Moon, down."
Related: Elected high ranking officials hang with Moon

Top tier teams are finding it harder to win without embarrassing themselves in the process. First, Sofa Kingdom achieves a perfect score, but has to ace a Corey Feldman/Corey Haim round to do so. Then the Jams won on Wednesday at the 'Vous, but Johnny discovered the following list on the backs of their paper after the contest (below). "In order to figure out how many Police Academies there had been, they wrote down every single movie in order," said Goodtimes about the incriminating document. "They even knew the names of the ones after Steve Guttenberg. I am disgusted." The Jams have announced that they will be bringing scrap paper to future events and no longer using the backs of the scoresheets.

The Jams were able to make a 13 point comeback at the Vous on Wednesday night, then discussed their excitement about the new Rocky movie. "Yeah," said Darth Ern, "I haven't been this excited about a part VI since Police Academy VI: City Under Siege."

The Jams won again at the 'Vous on Wednesday, but were nowhere to be seen when the big boys clashed on Sunday. The team, who many people wanted to see matched up with the Sofa Kingdom and the Champs, was able to get a lot of chores done with the extra free time. "You should see my hallway. Dust free!" said team member Severn Snidely. Severn added that he watched his copy of "Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo" on Sunday to get his breakdancing fix. For the record, let it be known that on-again off-again Jam Darth Ern was in attendance Sunday night, dressed in all black.

A win at the Locust Rendezvous Wednesday was the only piece of good news for 1022 this week, as their favorite athlete admitted to smoking deadly marijuana. Randy Moss came clean, so to speak, with his confession. "It's just awful," added Lewis N. Clark. "Kids are supposed to be inundated with messages about how great alcohol is when they watch football, not marijuana." In one of those great quirky turns of fate, on the same day that Moss admitted to having a green thumb, Snoop Dogg announced that he was going to help start a youth football league. Footbizzle? Fo' Shizzle!

The Jams, the object of much scorn and ridicule over the past week, shut up both Johnny and the Champs at the Vous on Wednesday night with an impressive 115-105 victory. The Champs, who thought that they could cruise to victory at the Vous, and enjoy smooth sailing at the big event on August 28th, may have received a wake up call. "Yeah, it was a disappointing loss," said Smooth Rob S. of the Champs, "But you know who's going to pay the price for it? The teams that choose to compete against us on August 28th. Those poor souls are going to bear the brunt of our aggression after this loss." But the story on this night was the Jams, who missed two questions in round two, then didn't miss another one the rest of the way. In an effort to knock off the Champs, they had fielded an All-Star team of sorts, even recruiting Ern, whose decision to leave the team last July was one fo the most controversial moves in quizzo history. Though the team has still not decided to attend the Big Event, Ern has announced that he will attend, meaning that the TO of quizzo is essentially a free agent.

Darth Ern returned with vengeance to the Locust Rendezvous, but a devastating World Capital round kept him out of the money. The Jams escaped with the win, then announced that they're probably not going to participate in Beat the Champs. Why? Too expensive, said one of the team members. Smooth Rob S. of the Champs was understanding. "Yeah, the Jams are right. Ten bucks is too much money to pay for them to have their asses kicked by the greatest quizzo team ever assembled. Their logic makes total sense. They can cower in one bar, where they are considered the best, and not have to face the certain humiliation that comes with a crushing defeat to the Champs on the grandest quizzo stage in the city. Seriously, there's nothing wrong with being the best team in the bush leagues. Tell them to send me a postcard from the minors. Ha-ha-ha-ha," he added. "Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha."

The Jams quelled the trash talking of Unlawful Presence at the Locust Rendezvous on Wednesday, but denied rumors that the pony they brought to the bar had been bought at the Chincoteague Pony Penning. "At the what?" you ask. The Chincoteague Pony Penning is an annual event that happens near where Johnny grew up in Virginia. It works like this: A bunch of Jerseyites hang out in 100 degree temperatures and can't really see anything while the natives laugh at their accents. The 'Yites then buy a pony before realizing that it's a wild pony and that they don't have anywhere to put it. So the day concludes with a bunch of wife-beater wearing bad drivers pouring out of Chincoteague with angry ponies strapped to the hoods of their cars. Quite a scene.

Unlawful Entry pulled off a shocking upset at the Locust Rendezvous on Wednesday night, knockin goff the Jams, 101-98. Is this band of unknowns a one hit wonder or are they here to stay? Only time will tell. As usual, there was controversy. It surrounded a question Johnny asked about Bananarama, sparking an outrage among Jams fans (who answered with Shocking Blue), whose team had won six out of the last seven weeks. Fortunately, Johnny was able to placate the angry fans with some delicious Bananarama Bread.

A Jams win at the Redezvous (can anyone stop this team? if they decide to enter the Beat the Champs competition, they right now seem like the team to beat) was not enough to keep a smile on Crazy Cooter's face. Cooter is extremely displeased with the way the Dukes of Hazzard franchise is being portrayed in the upcoming film, saying that "Rather than honor our show, they have chosen to degrade it." Man, oh man, I'm just glad Uncle Jessie isn't around to see this. Cooter claims that the movie is full of profanity and sexual situations. WTF? I mean, who could be behind such chicanery? No, you don't think that...just for a quick buck?...why that rapscallion Boss Hogg has no sense of decency!

The Jams continued to dominate at the Rendezvous, winning for the 6th time in the last 8 weeks, knocking off such luminaries as the Broad Street Bullies and even Team Hater. In what the team saw as a fitting tribute to the ringing of the Liberty Bell on July 8th, 1776, the Jams rang the Bell to alert local citizenry of their recent domination at Locust Rendezvous quizzo. Of course, the Park Service does not smile upon unlicensed "borrowing" of the Liberty Bell for quiz-like purposes, and the Jams will not be able to defend their title until 2019, when they are eligible for parole.

The Jams were able to pull off yet another victory at the 'Vous on Wednesday night, but some of them had to leave before they got their picture taken. "They were in a hurry," said team member Betty Bakersby. "They had to go shopping to get a birthday present for Hendrikje van Andel-Schipper (pronounced like it's spelled)and then go to her party. They were nervous about finding the right gift. I mean, what do you get for the 115 year old that has everything?"

An asteroid, named after rock legend Bruce Springsteen, almost crashed the Jams party after their fourth win in the last six weeks. The Jams narrowly avoided a similar fate to the one suffered by Tom Delay a few weeks ago. Of course, Delay was hit by a comet, not an asteroid. There is a difference, I think. Though some people have claimed to have seen the Boss's face in the asteroid, such talk has been discounted as "ridiculous and frivolous" by Goodtimes.

Yo! was able to sqeak past their arch nemesis the Jams in an exciting contest hosted by Pedro at the Vous on Wednesday. But the intenstiy of the quizzo paled in comparison to the intensity that will accompany team member Herm's next endeavor: eating as many jellyfish (with nettles) as he can! Herm has been eating bees and glass to prepare him for the pain. If he wins, Philly will finally get that ticker tape parade we've longed so desperately for.

The Jams, who seem to be free of the Curse of the Ern-bino now that he no longer plays at the Vous, were able to skate to an easy win on Wednesday for the third time in the last four weeks. Ern, who long complained about the papparazzi since becoming a quizzo legend, was reportedly displeased when a photographer from the quizzo tabloid "Quiz!!!" shot this exclusive photo of him at a local Be-Lo.

The Jams won at the 'Vous for the second time in three weeks, but the question that seemed to be on everybodies mind was, "Where's Ern?" No sign of him at quizzo and no sign of him on the website for three weeks has the rumor mill buzzing. His disappearance has been tied to the Deep Throat revelation, George Mikan's death, and there are even rumors that he might have gone into hiding after it was discovered that he was one of Charles Lindbergh's bastard children. But the most likely explanation, other than that he's doing drugs in Africa with Dave Chappelle, is that he just needed a break from the spotlight. Fame's glare can be especially harsh, especially when your team hasn't won since early March.

Whatever you say was able to win at the Vous on Wednesday night, despite the fact that they had three former members airbrushed out of the photo. While members of the team reported that Johnny forgot to take the winning team's photo and just used an old one, Goodtimes claimed that he would never stoop to such levels. He claimed that three of the people in the original photo are in the witness protection program, including Ern.

The Jams were able to pull off a rare victory at the Rendezvous on Wednesday, but their win was overshadowed by reports of Malia wanting out of the "Be the Next Johnny Goodtimes Contest". The cat, currently in second place in the poll on the website, complained that due to the extra work and the stress involved, she was down to sleeping only 15 hours a day. However, she has not officially revoked her candidacy. We'll keep an eye on this story as it develops. (I stole that last line from Action News.)

The strangest quizzo ever seemed even stranger when it became obvious that the winning team included former pro wrestlers Tully Blanchard and Wahoo McDaniel. FTW, whose members had once been called "pencil necked geeks" by "Classy" Freddie Blassie, hired a little exta muscle to pull off the win. Play was halted in the second round when Blanchard gave an opposing team member a slingshot suplex, but action resumed once it was determined that his shorts did not contain a "foreign object". Here's a pretty interesting interview with Tully, who is now an ordained preacher (No joke).

Milk money at Locust Rendezvous is no longer safe, as the Broad Street Bullies returned to the schoolyard on Wednesday night, and collected a victory before collecting over $6 in change from frightened schoolchildren. They got $2.50 from Ern alone. "Yeah, and we took it easy on you punks this time," shouted Bruiser Joe Crabtree to the horrified crowd after their 108-104 win over 1022. "Next time nobody leaves until we've got $8." Few in the crowd had forgotten what had happened to Wee Willie Elliot (below) a few months ago when he made fun of the Happy Dance, and this time not a word was said as the Bullies strutted their stuff.

The Daily Specials, considered by most so called quizzo experts to be the Right Said Fred of the Quizzo world (we mean one hit wonders, not "too sexy for their shirts"), proved that they may have a few more tricks up their collective sleeves. They pulled off their second big win in just over a month at the Vous on Wednesday. Said a fired up team member Alex Polytheist, "This is for all those people who said we couldn't win again." He then fell asleep. "He's a narcoleptic," explained teammate Sally Smothers.

The Clover Day Sale was on a mission on Wednesday. They decided to go Vous to Sheep, back to back, and take 'em both. The first part of their plan worked to perfection. The Sale, which had won Quizzo Bowl, ended 1022's four week stranglehold at the Vous with an impressive win. But their win was overshadowed by news that Johnny's cat Malia was considering a run for Quizmaster. The three year old cat has excellent people skills, and is surprisingly adept on the microphone, considering that the make-up of her vocal cords make it impossible for her to speak English (she does know a few words of Spanish). More news on this as it breaks.

1022, fresh off their 4th consecutive win at the Rendezvous, having come from behind in round four to defeat a struggling Yo! Ern team, announced that they will be hosting an anti-earth day celebration on Saturday. "We've had enough of these hippy do-gooders and all their fancy parties (below)," said Chauncey Locklear. "And I'm sick of all this talk about 'Earth this' and 'Earth that'. I think the Earth blows. If you think so too, then just apply your Aqua Net, hop in your Hummer and head over. We're going to have a giant plastic bonfire and barbecue some eagle."

1022 won for the third straight week at the 'Vous, holding off a Yo! Ern team that went 0-10 in the diva round. "That was totally bogus, Johnny," said Sue Stephanopolous of Yo! Ern. "They must have known that the 50/50 was going to be a divas round. Why else would they have invited Mary J. Blige?"

1022 won for the second straight week at Locust Rendezvous on Wednesday night, coming from behind to knock off the Jams in overtime. Johnny forgot to take a photo, but what the hell, if you wanna see a picture of these guys, click here. Also on Wednesday, my mom met this crazy guy at the park and talked to him for like a half-hour. He went into this big spiel about how God is the root to our tree. Things got all serious, and then he says, "'Cause if you don't have roots, you don't have toots," and broke into hysterical laughter. Man, I love this town.

1022 caught fire in round four at Locust on Wednesday night to knock off the Jams and Yo! Ern, but their celebration was tempered when they found out that rapper C-Murder would not be receiving a new trial. "We've been C-Murder fans ever since we were children," said team member T-Shoplifter. "Yeah, we love the C," added G-Loiterer. "I don't care how long he goes away. He'll always be in our heart, and in our extended posse."

When Goliath looked and saw David, he disdained him; for he was but a youth, and ruddy, with a handsome appearance. And the Philistine said to David, “Am I a dog, that you come to me with sticks?” And the Philistine cursed David by his gods. The Philistine also said to David, “Come to me, and I will give your flesh to the birds of the sky and the beasts of the field.”
Then it happened when the Philistine rose and came and drew near to meet David, that David ran quickly toward the battle line to meet the Philistine. And David put his hand into his bag and took from it a stone and slung it, and struck the Philistine on his forehead. And the stone sank into his forehead, so that he fell on his face to the ground. Thus David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, and he struck the Philistine and killed him; but there was no sword in David's hand.

The Jams were able to use a little chicanery to pull off a victory at the Rendezvous on St. Patties Eve. Led by a mysterious leprechaun, the team easily, almost magically, defeated the opposition. "Yeah, the leprechaun said he had to get going right after the game to leave presents for all the little Irish lads and lasses," said team member Franz Hillstroker. Added Annie O'Lannie, "I'm not completely sure if he was a leprechaun or just a psychopath who had painted his face green."

Michael Jackson showed a despicable lack of respect for the institution of quizzo on Wednesday when he showed up midway through the second round-wearing his pajamas! "I was embarrassed to have him on my team," said Bob Lickliter. "But I would still let me child spend the night at his house. I mean, come on, he's got a roller coaster and a monkey!"

The Jams on Wednesday became only the third team ever to go into the final question with 39 right. The question: What two countries border Ecuador? Their answer: Peru and Venezuela. The correct answer: Peru...and Columbia. "You know, the irony of this is that I had several relatives killed by FARC guerillas (below) in Bogota just a few months ago," said team member Mike Uribe Alvaro. "It seems like my family is always getting it's ass kicked by Colombia."

Hey guys, here's the pics from Locust on Wednesday night! The highlight of the evening, of course, was the Jams going for a perfect score and then yelling at Ern after the contest, "Who's Your Daddy?"

Catwoman, fresh off her win at the Razzies, was able to make it a week to remember, as she led Yo-Ern to victory at the Rendezvous on Wednesday. Bystanders remarked that they hadn't seen Ern this excited since he saw the bellydancer at Quizzo Bowl I. Meanwhile, the Daily Specials (below), often referred to as the L.A. Clippers of quizzo, actually led after Rounds 1,2, and 3! We won't talk about what happened in Round 4.

"Fire Hazards won at Quizzo. Heh-heh. Heh-heh. Fire! Fire"
"Uh...yeah. At the Locust. Locust is a type of wood. Huh-huh."
"Heh-heh. You said wood. Maybe he should call himself Johnny Woodtimes."
"That would be kool. Huh huh. Huh huh."
"They beat the Jams. Heh-heh."
"Huh huh. You said 'beat'."
"Heh heh. Heh heh. I am Quizholio. Do not underestimate my powers. heh heh. Heh heh."
"Uh, that's not funny, dumbass. I gotta go, I gotta take a quizzo. Huh huh."
For more Beavis and Butthead, click here.

"In 1983, Guion Bluford became the first black man to ever do what?" The answer was go into space. Double Secret Probation answered astronaut. Johnny marked it wrong, infuriating the Probation. To the untrained eye, it probably just looked like Goodtimes was judging the question rather technically. But these are no untrained eyes. These are LAWYERS, and they know that if it smells like fish, it probably is. After exhaustive research, their suspicions were confirmed, as the following photo reveals Johnny with both Bluford and Oliver Stone, conspiring to destroy the hopes and dreams of their team while at the same time learning about the wonder that is zero gravity. But it was to no avail. The Double Secret Probation was able to emerge victorious, despite Johnny's chicanery.

Yo! Ern was bale to pull off another victory at the Rendezvous on Wednesday night. But in a shocking development, they were not the biggest nerds there! No, that prize went to Trial by Cheese, who made t-shirts for Quizzo Bowl I, then wore them out to the Vous again on Wednesday. Said team member Oliver Oyle, "You don't necessarily have to be super smart to be a total geek. I think we proved that here tonight."

Yo! Ern, a week after receiveing no glory on the website due to technical difficulties, made Johnny's job a lot easier by winning again, so that Goodtimes only had to write one story. If your team wins, and you're fairly confident they're going to win again the next week, please contact Johnny and let him know. He'll just do both stories at once, and be able to spend more time indulging in leisurely pursuits.

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times for the Fire Hazards. They not only won on Wednesday at the Rendezvous, they joined the 100 point club. But moments after winning, just as they stepped outside, team member Spencer Albright spontaneously combusted. "We've had this problem before," said teammate Dandy Thompson. "I'm just glad we were outdoors when it happened, so there was limited property damage."

Boy For Sale came from behind to defeat the Broad Street Bullies in Overtime at the Rendezvous on Wednesday. "We always have a contest to see who can wear the dorkiest hat to quizzo," said Jay Smooth. "Jethro Stallworth (far left) wins every week."

1022 was able to pull off a victory at the Vous, but were unable to teach the Grand Inquizzinator how to use a camera. "I told him to quit spinning in circles while taking the pictures," said Lester Cornwallis of 1022, "But he just didn't want to listen. I think the Inquizzantor gets some sort of strange kick out of being dizzy."

The Fire Hazards won again on Wednesday, despite the fact that they played in the Rendezvous' VIP room. "Yeah, we just had Johnny's voice pumped in," said Daisy Fernandez. "During the holiday season, we don't like to look at the less fortunate, such as Ern, so we prefer to play by ourselves."

The Fire Hazards were able to win at the Rendezvous on Wednesday, but they really need to watch themselves. They've been hanging out with pre-weirdo Michael Jackson, the one who occasionally bursted into flames.

Yo! Ern was able to win a nailbiter at the Vous on Wednesday night, but the real action didn't start until later that night, when a drunken Mike Tyson jumped on Ern's '73 Camaro and started punching the hood. "I was scared out of my mind," said Ern. Tyson, no big fan of Ern's, released this statement earlier today (below).

The Jams held off their despised foes, Yo! Ern, at the Rendezvous on Wednesday night, winning by a score of 100-95. When asked what they do for fun, the members of the Jams said that they like to take acid and then go to Michael Sembello's website, where they watch what is unquestionably the craziest thing ever to appear on the World Wide Web. (Yes, this is the same guy that sang "Maniac".)

In a surprising twist to Dan Rather's announced retirement, the CBS News anchorman revealed why he is stepping out of the newsroom: He wants to become a full-time Quizzo player. "Ever since I was a kid," says Rather, "I wanted to play professional quizzo. But things back then were so primitive, I realized I could never make a living at it. But now that Johnny Goodtimes is giving away such luxurious prizes, I feel like I can give up my day job and pursue my dream. I mean, do you know how far a $25 gift certificate goes at the Rendezvous?" Rather's first quizzo contest was a success, as he teamed up with the boys of 1022 to pull off a victory on Wednesday.

Yo-Ern won at the Rendezvous on Wednesday, rebounding from their controversial loss the week before. But the big news came on Friday, when it was discovered that Ern was the fan who threw the cup at Ron Artest and started that melee in Detroit (photo, below). "I only did it for his own good. Now he's got plenty of time to promote his new rap album."

In what is sure to be an embarrasment for Johnny Goodtimes for years to come, the JGT Ethics Committee has reversed last Wednesdays decision of a Yo-Ern victory and given the victory to the 2nd place Jams! "The question about William Carrier was a mistake," said Ethics Committee chairman Jimmy "Superfly" Kielbasa. "A huge mistake. The correct answer was indeed Air Conditioner, not refridgerator. The Jams had AC, and Yo-Ern had iron. Therefore, we must award the victory to the Jams." As for Goodtimes, he held a tearful press conference on the steps of Capitol Hill on Sunday. "I want to apologize to the people who I've hurt with this pathetic mistake. To the families, and most of all to the children, I say..." Johnny's voice then trailed off and he began sobbing uncontrollably. It is expected that the punishment of the Ethics Committee will be severe. If anyone has any ideas for what Johnny's punishment for this boneheaded mistake should be, write it below under comments.

John Quizzo Adams, a team neamed after the fifth prez of the USA, was able to win a squeaker at the Rendezvous on Wednesday. "Yeah, J.Q. was a decent president, but we really appreciated the work he did for our friends at Colt 45. He was Billy Dee before there was a Billy Dee."

Holy cow, Trial By Cheese!!! You guys may have just won at Locust Rendezvous, but it looks like Jason has infiltrated your ranks and is now going to kill you in a most gruesome fashion!!! Oh, wait a minute. That's not Jason. That's just Steve. The moustache gives him away.

Yo-Ern! was able to win at Locust Rendezvous on Tuesday night for the sixth time in seven weeks, and are unquestionably the hottest team in JGT quizzo right now. But that heat has brought with it pressure and unprecedented media scrutiny. Ern appears to be cracking under the pressure, refusing to be photographed and hiring private security to escort him to and from matches. Stay tuned...

Mookie was able to lead the Slagminers past Yo-Ern, stopping their five week winning streak. Sadly, one of the questions in the impossible round was able to slip through Bill Buckners legs, costing Yo-Ern dearly and allowing Mookie and friends to escape with a victory.

Yo-Ern won again at the Rendezvous on Wednesday, and Ern's celebrity status continues to grow. A flock of young women chased the quizzo superstar out of the bar after the contest. "I'm a man, Johnny, not just some piece of meat for young, sexy women to knaw on." Ern has hired the Security firm of Hector, Hector, and Juan Carlos to protect him from the increasingly volatile crowds.

Yo-Ern won for the fourth straight week at Locust Rendezvous, as it seems like the Bullies have fallen off the radar. Meanwhile, a strange phenomenon in Washington: poeple are claiming to see Ern's face in the smoke of the erupting Mt. Saint Helen's, and they say this photo proves it. "We've heard people claim to see faces of demons, angels, and gods in the smoke," says Park Ranger Thad Livingston, "But never a quizzo player. I'm still doubtful, even after looking at the photo."

With all the hubbub about Jeanne, people seem to have forgotten that an even deadlier force has wreaked havoc at the Rendezvous for the past few weeks-Hurrican Yo-Ern, which has won three consecutive weeks at Locust. They barely held off 1022 this week, 102-101. The hurricane force winds that have resulted from this destructive force are, say experts, the result of an excess of hot air.

"Hey, great win guys. Good job. You all have really been on fire lately. I mean no other team was even close. Do you think that...OH MY GOSH, LOOKOUT!!! OUCH!!! That looked like it hurt!!! Right in the kisser. Where'd he go, where did that damn chair thrower go!!! He struck again, despite heightened security. We're going to need to call in the professionals to catch that s.o.b.!"

Yo-Ern was able to hold off their foes at the Rendezvous on Wednesday, defeating Three Jacks and a Jill 105-98. It was an impressive victory as...wait, hold on a minute. Oh my goodness. Holy s***!!! My sources tell me that there is a ferocious hurricane heading our way (below)! Everyone run for the hills!!! How could the weathermen have missed this one? It's going to destroy the whole city!!! We're all going to die!!! Quick, into the basement!!! There's not time to...what? Oh. Oh, my bad. My sources said Florida, not Philadalphia. They sound kind of similar. Sorry, guys. False alarm.

The Single Loser, helped occasionally by the waitstaff but playing by herself most of the time, was able to knock off Yo! Ern in a huge upset at the Rendezvous. The Single Loser's excitement at the victory was short lived, however, as hours later she was denounced as a fraud by Zell Miller, although Dick Cheney had voted against many of the same answers as she had!

Mary Kay Letourneau was poorly photoshopped into 1022's winning photo this week, resulting in anger from people who expect more from this website. "I check the damn site every day," said Hans Muslim Anderson, and I expect a little bit more effort than this out of Johnny." "Yeah it could have been funny, like Johnny putting in something about the guys on the team having teenage sons or something. But, with the photoshop so poorly done, what's the f****** point," added Lance McNicholson, who has johnnygoodtimes.comPremium, which runs him $24.95 a month and gives him access to the e-mail addresses of hot chicks that play. "I expect more for my money."

The Truants became the first team in the history of the Lost Tribe (Clements, Center Square, and Rendezvous)besides the Jams or the Bullies to win two straight. They were also able to fight off last weeks charges of drug pushing, as Johnny's testimony was thrown out of court on account of his being a renowned liar.

The Truants tried, in a sly fashion, to use their newfound celebrity to endorse casual drug use. Then, when he looked up "truants" on google images, the first thing that came up was the picture below. Johnny immediately called the DEA and the president to warn them of this sketchy squad. If all goes according to Johnny's diabolical plan, the Truants will have their hands lopped off in the public square.

The Moofs blew away the competition at Rendezvous on Wednesday, crossing the 100 point mark in the process. As for the guy on the left of the photo, he was not photoshopped in by Johnny. "It looks like one of our Photoshop jobs, the way he just seems to be pasted in there, and kind of three dimensional. But no. It's au-naturale. Well, except for that arrow," said Johnny. In other news, Benedict Ern-old played in his first contest for Yo! after leaving the Jams, and helped to lead them to a 2nd place finish.

Following a narrow loss to the Broad Street Bullies, Ern of the Jams made a startling move, defecting like a Cuban pitcher to Yo! The Bullies, meanwhile, won for the third time in the past five weeks, pushing their victory total to 12.

Big Jim, making no qualms about it's intentions, was able to squeeze past the Bullies and the Micawber Family and win at the Rendezvous on Wednesday, 88-86-86, and win themselves some free beer.

Hurry, hurry, step right up and see bearded ladies, sword swallowers, and the Jams, who scored a freakish 108 at the Rendezvous on Wednesday. They said that 108 was nothin'. A perfect game is their ultimate ghoul. Ha Ha Ha!"

It was a big week for the Broad Street Bullies, as they first won Quizzo, and then they won the 27th Annual Locust Rendezvous Breakdancing Extravaganza. "I was raised on the streets of Queens in the early 80's, so this stuff is old hat for me," said Herman Fairchild (far left). "But I've been real impressed at how the rest of the squad has learned so quickly, especially Snake (doing headspin)."

The leftist faction of the Broad Street Bullies were able to knock off the Jams at Locust Rendezvous on Tuesday, 89-86. "Yeah, my Republican teammates refused to play when they found out that I had invited Karl Marx." Marx was philosophical after the win. "There shouldn't have been a winner, because all of these teams were equals. Well, except for the Jams."

The Rich Mean Girls proved that they were a little from column A, a little from column B on Wednesday at Locust Rendezvous. They were obviously rich in knowledge, as they tore away from the always tough Bullies in round 4, and squeaked past the Jams, 85-84. Then after promising a game of Scrabble to Johnny, they called him Friday morning to cancel. Johnny, knowing that the problem can't possibly be him, remarked that maybe they just don't like Scrabble. "Hey, we don't have to play Scrabble. There are other good games. I mean, that was just a suggestion."

Yo!, consisting of Grandmaster Bob (center) and the Furious Three, won an appearance on Yo! MTV Raps w/ Fab Five Freddy by winning at the Rendezvous on Wednesday. "Yeah, we kicked it wit' Fab Five on the set," said Bob. "The whole posse was going to percolate back to my crib after that, but then some sucker MC's tried to front, and we had to bum rush the show. Word to ya Mutha." In other news, the girls on 2nd place Presidential Road Rash (below) still refuse to play Scrabble with Johnny. "Johnny's trying to pick up foxes with Scrabble?" added Bob. "Man, that is one wack homeboy. Word to ya Mutha."

The Billikins were able to hold off the Broad St. Bullies in a Wild West style shootout at Locust Rendezvous on Wednesday, 104-103. But in the end, it hardly seemed worth it, as the $25 gift certificate will hardly cover the damage done to a number of liquor bottles. "I don't mind losin' a bartender or two in these shootouts," said bar owner Tex Snidely, "But I'll be damned if they think they'se agwanna get away with shootin' up a bottle of George Dickel."

With the success of their Happy Dance well documented, local promoters are bending over backwards to hire the Broad Street Bullies. The Bullies will be featured dancers at this weekend's Harleysville Polka and Folk Art Festival, much to the chagrin of the Pintkowski Brothers (below). "We've worked all year to be the featured dancers at this years Festival," said Stinky Pintkowski (middle). "And then some flash-in-the-pan hot shot city boys celebrate after winning some stupid bar game, and they get star status. You can expect this to come up in the next town council meeting."

The Broad Street Bullies bruised the competition on Wednesday, finishing 27 points ahead of the 2nd place team, Yo! The team, which is the last in the league to play without a helmet, is as tough as nails, yet also displayed a sensitive side with a stirring rendition of the world famous "Happy Dance" after the victory. Bobby Clarke did not participate in said dance.

...That my friends here on the Shenanigans blew out the competition at Locust Rendezvous on Wednesday, while scoring a week high 110 points. The Goofy Guesses (below) meanwhile could have used my help. They finished dead last. Not many people know this, but the term dead last comes from..."

In a cruel twist of fate, the Pioneers, led by Cleveland Indian outfielder Matt Lawton, were able to knock off the Outlaws at Locust Rendezvous on Wednesday, but they lost $200,000 in bling. "This is shocking. I mean, we had over $200,000 in bullion cubes and diamond necklaces on the table one minute, and the next minute, we got nothin'," said team member Birdie McSweeney. "I bet the maid stole it," added Lawton.

The Broad Street Bullies humbly won at the Locust Rendezvous, recapturing some of that summer of 2003 magic. After the contest, they quietly accepted their prize, congratulated the other teams on a job well done, and swore off their once beloved "happy dance." April Fools.

Not since Pee Wee Herman danced atop a bar for the Private Club of the Satan's Helpers to the tune of "Tequila" has there been a dance as ugly as the Happy Dance, but there it was in all of it's glory on Wednesday, as the Broad Street Bullies celebrated their victory at the Locust Rendezvous. "If Terrell Owens needs any help with his end zone celebrations this year, we'd definitely help him out with his choreography," said team member Spuds McSweeney.

The Bridge Over River Quiz crushed the competition at Locust Rendezvous on Wednesday, knocking off the second place Jams, 85-74. The Bridge, whose members are notorious ladies men, were met outside the Rendezvous by these four Philadelphia Cheerleaders, who took them out for a celebratory dinner. By the way, this is like the sixth time I've put Eagle cheerleader Mikki on the site, so if anybody knows her, please don't tell her about this page. She'll probably think I'm some sort of weirdo and slap a restraining order on me.

The Rag Tags, an unlikely combination of the Broad Street Bullies and Dewey, Cheetum, and Howe, joined forces on Wednesday to win big at the Locust Rendezvous. The two teams, who had some epic battles at Frank Clement's, decided to bury the hatchet in an attempt to rid the world of a common evil: The Jams. "I never thought we'd see these two squads on the same side," said Bully "Pistol" Pete Alworth. In other news, cats and dogs have decided to call a truce after years of bickering.

They were seperated at birth, the result of a 50's genetic experiment. They were finally brought back together in the late '80's, and have formed an unlikely duo: One stronger in sports and history, the other in science and entertainment. Together, they were able to knock off the Jams and Broad Street Bullies and take the title at Locust Rendezvous.

The Jams were able to steamroll the competition at Locust Rendezvous on Wednesday, scoring an impressive 107 points in the process. But the big story was the much maligned but heretofore respected"Broad Street Bullies", who scored 0 points. Joe Discapone had no explanantion. "We just froze," said Discapone. "We were so busy being pissed off at Ernie that we just couldn't pay attention to the questions. We feel like he's trying to steal the Happy Dance and make it his own, and that is simply unacceptable." Yo! finished second with 96 points.

The Jams were able to fight off their devastating loss from last Wednesday to pull off a come from behind win over the team that beat them last week, The Bridge on the River Quiz. Said the Bill Buckner of Quizzo, Ernie Polkawitz, "When I woke up this morning, there was a horse's head lying next to me in the bed. I knew I lost some people some big money last week with my bonehead play, and that it was vital to my own health that I not do it again."

In one of the most devastating losses in the history of not only quizzo, but in athletics in general, the Jams misspelled "Jethro Tull" as "Jethro Hull" in round four, costing themselves a victory and allowing Bridge Over the River Quiz to escape with a 93-89 victory. The Jams were quick to blame Ernie, who was in charge of the misspelling. "We'll never forgive him, the fans will never forgive him, and the city of Philadelphia will never forgive him," said teammate Cookie Fortnight. "What a choker."

The Iowa Caucus, with a little help from Snoop D-O double G were able to pull off a spectacular come from behind victory at the Locust Rendezvous. Twelve points down going into round Four, Snoop put on his game face. "That Snoop Dogg is something else. He really knows his ancient history and world geography," said team member Cathy Reefsnyder. "And I think Johnny owes a debt of gratitude to him as well. You know, before Snoop got involved, this used to be called the Johnny Goodtimes Q Spectacular. Snoop added the izzo."

The Broad Street Bullies caught fire on Wednesday at Locust Rendezvous, scoring 106 points and edging Yo! , who finished with 101. Perennial favorites The Jams fell to pieces, finishing in next to last place. In a show of class appreciated only by Philadelphians, the Broad Streeet Bullies then did their renowned "Happy Dance" around the crestfallen Jams.

The Animal Planet, led by Philadelphia Eagle cheerleader Micki, pulled off a shocking upset on Wednesday at Locust Rendezvous, coming from behind and scoring 50 points in the final round to pull out the victory. So how did they do it? "Um, gosh, I don't know. I mean, like I guess we're just smart, or whatever. Tee-hee," said Micki. God, she's adorable. Would she ever consider a night on the town with yours truly? "Oh my God are you like, serious. Uh, gag me with a spoon. Besides, somebody told me you had an online dating profile. Loser."

The Jams won in Johnny's return to Locust Rendezvous on Wednesday, holding off the Slagminers, Slagminers, 85-81. The difference came when The Jams knew the weekly double, "What famous actor starred in Party at Kitty and Stud's?" The answer of course, is Sly Stallone. "Everybody talks about what a great job Sly did as Stud," said team member Dr. Ernie Ellsworth. "But what about Henrietta Holm in her role as Kitty? That was powerful."