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October 29, 2007

O'Henry's Wins at the Dog

This actor, whose TV career spanned three decades, got his start in a 1957 movie with the title role of I Was A Teenage Werewolf.

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October 15, 2007

Flipped by Bonaduce Wins at the Dog

This Syracuse native wrote and appeared in the Twilight Zone.

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October 7, 2007

Magma Wins

What new show stars Zachary Levi?

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October 1, 2007

C+ Average Wins at the Dog

While playing in Japan, Charlie Manuel picked up this nickname, which fit his tenacious style of play and fiery temper.

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September 23, 2007

Magma!!!

You might be surprised to learn that this TV journalist, born on September 24, 1945 and often referred to as a bigot and a xenophobe, has a Mexican wife.

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September 17, 2007

Steve Take Us Back, We'll Change Wins

This crappy ass band has a hit with the song "Makes Me Wonder".

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September 10, 2007

El Jorge Curioso Wins at the Dog

Who is known as "The Muscles from Brussels?"

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September 4, 2007

I can has cheeseburger wins at the Dog

This Marylander had jobs as a McDonald's manager and as a 7-11 counterman before he started a website that broke the Monica Lewinsky story.

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August 27, 2007

Mac Robinsons Yellow Sweater Wins at Good Dog

This song was released by Howlin' Wolf in 1962, and by the Rolling Stones two years later.

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August 20, 2007

Snap Crackle and Popped Collars

This female R and B singer had a hit with "Wang Dang Doodle".

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August 14, 2007

Snap Crackle and Popped Collars win At Good Dog

What was a 2003 book by James Moore and Wayne Slater about Rove's influence called? (Hint: It's a name derogatorily given to him by many people who see Bush as mentally deficient.)

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August 6, 2007

Axis of Evil Knieval wins

Who stars as Merrill Hess in one M. Night film, and as Lucis Hunt in another?

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July 30, 2007

Axis of Evil Knieval wins

Don't call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin my peers, puttin suckas in fear
Makin' __________________________
Listen to the bass go boom!

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July 23, 2007

Lady Bird Lives Wins at the Good Dog

The Petronas Twin Towers were the tallest buildings in the world from 1998-2003, when they were overtaken by Taipei 101. In what Southeastern Asian nation will you find the Petronas Towers?

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July 16, 2007

Nazakhstan wins at the Dog

What movie did Corey Feldman co-star with Tom Hanks and Carrie Fisher?

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July 2, 2007

John, Paul, George, and Ringo win at a JGT Acoustic Event

Who performed the Star Spangled Banner at Woodstock?

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June 25, 2007

C+ Average Wins at the Dog

She made her tv debut on Another World at the age of 16, and is now the director of The Closer and is married to a famous Philly native.

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June 18, 2007

Magma Wins at Applebee's West Arena

According to a song on the Electric Ladyland album, in what year was Hendrix expecting to turn into a Merman?

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June 12, 2007

Magma Wins

What animal is believed to have absconded with Azaria Chamberlain in 1980, and she was never heard from again?

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June 4, 2007

Goodtimejohnnies.com win at Good Dog

This 3rd baseman, better known by his nickname, played for two different World Series teams in the mid-80s, with both teams winning the Series.

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May 30, 2007

Magma Wins

Battle of Fort McHenry took place during what war?

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May 21, 2007

Magma Wins

Mogadishu

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May 14, 2007

2 1/2 Armenians Win

What was the name of the fort in Baltimore where Francis Scott Key wrote the Star Spangled Banner?

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May 7, 2007

2 1/2 Armenians Win

Who has directed the 3 Spider-Man films?

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April 30, 2007

3 1/2 Armenians WIn at Dawg

What Salisbury native taught us that it takes a tough man to make a tender chicken?

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April 22, 2007

Fat Kid Six Wins at Good Dog

Who wrote Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead, a play about two minor characters in Hamlet?

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April 15, 2007

3 1/2 Armenians WIn at Dawg

In what movie do Wyatt and Billy drop LSD in a New Orleans graveyard?

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April 8, 2007

Sofa Kingdom Wins at Good Dog

The first pizzeria in the United States was this one, opened in 1905 in Little Italy, Manhattan. It is not named after the coach.

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April 1, 2007

Magma Wins

One of the most famous hoaxes ever was of a 10 foot petrified giant, "found" in the ground in New York. People came from all over America to get a glimpse. When he was unable to buy it, PT Barnum made a wax copy and claimed that his was real.

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March 26, 2007

Magma Wins at Applebee's West Arena

In 1976, Billboard Magazine named her the female entertainer of the century. In the 60s, she performed in a group with Mary Wilson and Florence Ballard. Who is she?

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March 19, 2007

Ocho Cinco at the Good Dog

What highly praised 1966 album, believed to be the first rock double album ever released, contained the songs Rainy Day Women #12 and #35, I Want You, Just Like a Woman, Visions of Johanna, and Leopard Skin Pill-Box Hat?

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February 24, 2007

MAGMA wins at the Good Dog

It was a week of blowouts, as the Kingdom's 1 point win at the Bards on Tuesday was the only single digit victory of the week. MAGMA had no trouble at the Dawg, crushing Dr. Pepper, 95-76. It was MAGMA's third straight win.

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February 19, 2007

MAGMA wins at the Dawg

Who's the most famous Belgian to ever live on Molokai?

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February 12, 2007

MAGMA wins, JGT uses old photo

What former general of the Union Army ran against Lincoln in the 1864 presidential election?

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February 2, 2007

Anti-Magma defeats Magma

It was a battle that came down to the wire, but in the end, it was the force of Anti-Magma that succesfully fought off MAGMA, 100-96. MAGMA got 9 out of 10 right in the final round, but missed four Super Bowl questions, and Anti-Magma got them all right. MAGMA hopes to rebound with an impressive performance on Saturday.

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January 28, 2007

Mary Jane Rottencrotch

Lamar Alexander.

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January 21, 2007

Ocho Cinco wins at the Good Dog

This artist had a hit with the song, "There'll Be Sad Songs (To Make You Cry)"

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January 14, 2007

MAGMA

Few people noticed when this baseballer went from Kansas City to Oakland in 2000. But when he switched teams five years later, he was seen as the biggest traitor in sports history. Who is he?

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January 10, 2007

MAGMA Wins

Who was the coach of both the infamous 1964 Phillies team and the California Angels team that blew a 3-1 series lead (and a 9th inning, 2 out lead in Game 5) against the 1986 Red Sox?

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December 18, 2006

Axis of Evil Knieval

What Olympic gold medalist makes an appearance in Scrooged?

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December 11, 2006

Magma Wins at the Dog

What book is Sun Tzu best known for writing?

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December 3, 2006

Axis of Evil Knieval Wins at Good Dog

What group gave us the totally sweet jam, "Cold As Ice"?

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November 21, 2006

Magma Wins at Good Dog

A-higgedy-hoy there matey, I giggedy-gots to flow
My saturday nights are live-er than joe piscopo
So yo, siggedy-save the bait for charlie tuna
See I be the boogie banger, like esiason’s the boomer
I’m higgedy-hots to trot, I giggedy-gots the motts
Jewels plus dreads, so toots, call me goldilocks
I ciggedy-catch the scoop from peter jennings
Do a spin like the mag and I slide like peggy fleming
Or a smiggedy-smack a man and choke ’em up until he squeals
I hawiian punched the captain and now I’m maxing with tenille
I piggedy-pack steel, I got a big gun
I’m freaking the track from brooklyn, yo, ’cause brooklyn’s where I’m from

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November 13, 2006

Giant Douche or Terd Sandwich wins at the Dawg

Who is the only player to ever win two Heisman Trophies?

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November 6, 2006

Magma Wins

The music's fading
The lights down low
Just one more dance
And then we're good to go
Waiting for someone
Who needs me
Hormones racing at the speed of light
But that don't mean it's gotta be tonight

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October 30, 2006

MAGMA wins

The child is dead. He breathed for a moment. Then he breathed no more. The child is dead. Dead. The child is dead.

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October 23, 2006

Volksgemeinschaften wins at the Dog

"The devil can cite Scripture for his purpose."

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October 2, 2006

Magma wins at the Dog

You might be surprised by this one. It's a famous philosopher:
"Catch a man a fish, and you can sell it to him. Teach a man to fish, and you ruin a wonderful business opportunity."

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September 24, 2006

The Axis of Evil KNieval wins at Good Dog, Clinton bitch slaps FOXNews

The Axis of Evil Knieval held off MAGMA at the Good Dog on Thursday, as quizzo's best rivalry continued.
Meanwhile, Bill Clinton took on Chris Wallace at FOXNews, and pretty much kicked his ass. Enjoy the transcript. Too bad most Democrats today are too scared and whiny to take on these mental midgets like Clinton does in this interview.
UPDATE: Here's the video of the interview, courtesy of crooks and liars via Blinq. It is awesome. I highly recommend it.

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September 15, 2006

This team goes up to 11 wins a shootout

This Team Goes Up to 11 won at the Good Dog on Thursday night, edging MAGMA 115-112, in a match Goodtimes called, "Way too easy." The third round (Famous first lijnes of novels) was somewhat tough, but after that, both teams sailed to perfect scores in Round Four. But the team that went up to 11 built a narrow lead after 3 rounds, and held on for the win. JGT was disappointed in the difficulty of the questions (2 other teams got nine right) and vowed that next week, "No one will score 100 at the Good Dog."

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September 11, 2006

MAGMA wins at the Good Dog, thought they saw Corey Feldman

MAGMA won at the Good Dog on Thursday, then decided that they would celebrate at Chuck E. Cheese's in Warrington. "There we were, enjoying a game of "Racin' USA" when I thought I saw Corey Feldman," said team member Atomic Age Zombie. "I was like, 'No way', no star that big would be here in little ol' Warrington. So I figured it wan't him. Then I read this." Teammate Smooth Rob P. wasn't impressed. "Now if Corey Haim had been at Chuck E. Cheese, I would have wet my pants. But Corey Feldman? Whatever."

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September 4, 2006

MAGMA Wins, Darth Ern and Palestra Jon do as well

MAGMA held off the Axis this week at the Dawg, but it was an unlikely pairing of quizzo legends that hogged the media spotlight. Darth Ern and Palestra Jon teamed up to form what should have been a formidable team, but they emerged with only a Noah's Ark finger puppet book, due to a devastating last place finish. You can expect their laundry list of reasons why they did so poorly (sat too close to kitchen, poor lighting, etc.) to be in the comments section within the next 10-15 minutes.

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August 25, 2006

MAGMA Wins, Battle WIth Axis the Best Rivalry in Quizzo

MAGMA won at the Good Dog on Thursday, doing so for the third time in five weeks. The winner those other two weeks? The Axis of Evil Knieval. So while the Jams and Sofa Kingdom continue to win regularly without any consistent major threats on the horizon (thought there is a team that constantly chages its name which tends to give the Kingdom a decent run for their money on Thursdays), these two teams seem to be keeping each other in check pretty well. For you old timers out there, I still think that the Western Omelette vs. the Goats at the Bards in 2004 is still the best rivalry off all time, followed closely by WTF vs. the Missing Heads at the Black Sheep.

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August 21, 2006

Axis of Evil Knieval Wins, John Mark Karr likes Cream in Coffee

The Axis of Evil Knieval and MAGMA both took a perfect score into round number four, but it was the Axis who came up big in crunch time, and walked away with a win. In much more important news, we have learned that John Mark Karr, the suspect in the JonBenent case, like his coffee with cream, no sugar. He also brushed his teeth during the flight to LA. Make of that what you will. I think it proves that he killed her. I'll keep you updated with my very important conclusions about this case as they come into my head.

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August 11, 2006

MAGMA Wins, JGT eats Humble Pie

MAGMA won at the Good Dog on Thursday, blowing out the Axis of Evil Knieval, in a match that only four teams participated in. The sparse attendance sent Johnny a loud and clear message: that no matter how many awards he wins, no matter how many publications write about him, and no matter how kool he thinks he is, he will never be more popular than Eagles preseason football.

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August 6, 2006

Axis of Evil Knieval defeats MAGMA in overtime

The Axis of Evil Knieval defeated the Axis of, well, plain evil on Thursday, as MAGMA fell in overtime. The OT question: In what year was George Washington born? MAGMA said 1722, Axis said 1727. The correct answer: 1732. George Washington was (allegedly) the first president of the United States. There are also rumors that he served in a war, but I couldn't find any websites that would back it up (Oh, like I'm going to trust wikipedia).

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July 8, 2006

Magma wins, relieved that Jersey casinoes re-open

MAGMA won at the Good Dog on Thursday, securing their place as the hottest team in quizzo. After the match, they expressed their relief that the casinoes were back up and running. "For a minute there, I was scared that millions of old people were actually going to hold onto their money, or maybe even invest it wisely," said Chill Rob A. "Thank goodness they can finally go back to throwing it all away frivolously on the one armed bandit!"

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July 3, 2006

Magma's Week of Good Fortune Continues

First Chris R. crushed Darth Ern, then several members of MAGMA knocked off the Jams and the Champs, then the original MAGMA won at the Good Dog on Thursday. The team plans to celebrate Kimdependance day today. "Oh, man, it's always exciting when someone with boobs as talented as Lil' Kim's gets let out of prison," said Atomic Age Zombie of the MAGMA crew. "It gives hope to those unfortunate souls who were cursed with bodacious bosoms."

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June 27, 2006

Giganic Porn Moustache Wins, Claims that Limbaugh Viagra Story is Media Creation

We're going to MIss Gabriela's Gigantic Porn Moustache won at the Good Dog last Thursday, then claimed that the whole Limbaugh Viagra debacle was "Nothing but another example of the left wing media trying to make Rush look bad." Said Enlightened Eyes of the Porn Moustache, "That Viagra was planted in his bag by the Hollywood Elite, and if he's found guilty of a crime, it will be because of activist judges. And I wouldn't be surprised if feminazis are ultimately behind this fraud. Yeah, I said fraud. The fact is, Rush has a wonderful hard on, which he is able to attain withouth the use of any sort of supplement. He is full of vim and vigor, not viagra. I'm sure that the spokesman for the right wing has got to be furious about this. He might want to pop some painkillers to take the edge off."

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June 18, 2006

MAGMA WINS, 5-8 ODDS THEY'LL BE TALKING S*** ON COMMENT SECTION W/IN 24 HOURS

After a prolonged slump, MAGMA got it's mojo back Thrsday night in a big way, blowing out the field with 110 points. The big board in Vegas took notice, and wagering began at 5-8 that the renowned trash talkers would soon be running wild on the comment section, meaning that you had to bet eight bucks just to win five. "This is as close to a lock as you can get," said "Lucky" Armadillo Slim, head bookmaker at Lucky Slims Casino.
Update: Vegas pulled the odds of the table. "Not a single person bet that these wise guys won't be talking trash," said Lucky.

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June 9, 2006

Axis of Evil Knieval wins; Johnny Hopes Ann Coulter Eaten By Wolves

The Axis of Evil Knieval won at the Good Dog for the 2nd straight week, and then shortly after the contest, Johnny announced that he sincerley hopes that Ann Coulter is attacked and eaten by wolves. Coulter, who recently stated that she thinks that several 9/11 widows are enjoying their husband's deaths, was even told to cool off by none other than Bill O'Reilly. Which, as a friend of mine in the local media stated, "Is like Idi Amin telling you you're going a little overboard with your torture techniques."
Related: Johnny hopes Ann Coulter gets hit by train.
Related: Johnny hopes Coulter gets hit by a bus.

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June 5, 2006

Axis of Evil Knieval Wins, Prepares to be especially evil on 06-06-06

The Axis of Evil Knieval won at the Good Dog on Thursday, then remarked that they were going to "step it up a notch" on the evil-o-meter. "We live lives dedicated to the theme of evil," said Eric B. of AEK. "Yeah," added Rakim, "But on 06-06-06, we're gonna take it to the next level. We'll be jaywalking, feeding wild animals, and tearing the tags off mattresses. All sorts of activities that can only be construed as 'Super-Evil'."

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May 20, 2006

Two and A half Men Win, Swift Boat Veterans Protest

The Swift Boat Veterans protested 2 and Half Men's Impressive victory at the Good Dog on Thursday night, saying that their service to quizzo was "a joke". The Boat Veterans, whose moment in the sun was ecliped after the 2004 election, has been trying to find a way to give it's members activities since, and one of those included heckling Thursday's winners. "Two and a Half Men's contribution to the quizzo effort has been overstated by the liberal press, including this borderline socialist website," said one Boat Veteran." The Boat Veterans then left the Good Dog and headed to Bingo at the Elks Lodge, to protest the letter "N". Said one Boat Veteran, the letter "N" is a "joke, an embarrasment to it's country."

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May 12, 2006

Magma meltdown

Pestilence, famine, Magma choking. These are a few of my favorite t'ings. So you can imagine my happiness on Thursday night, when Magma blew a 10 point lead in round four and fell to EBO, 85-80. This game also provided one of the da funniest moments in quizzo history. I axed the question, "This Nazi, known as the Chief Executioner, was captured in Argentina in 1960." One of the girls on one of the teams looked at two of her teammates and said, in all earnestness, "Come on, you Jews!" You know what else is funny? Watching MAGMA cry in their beers, knowing that they're going to be verbally assaulted by the Jams in the comments section of this article.

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May 5, 2006

Fashionista Ninja Turtles win, don't think Johnny's craigslist posting will reel in babes

The Fashionista Ninja Turtles won at the Good Dog on Thursday, then expressed that Johnny's latest ill-fated venture into the dating world will probably not result in positive results. "Yeah," said Marcos Ferdinand, "I've always found that discussing the sale of human bodies on the black market is not the best way to impress babes. But that's just me." The Ninja Turtles were, I believe, the first team to ever go from worst to first in one week, an impressive achievement.

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May 1, 2006

MAGMA Wins, considering match versus Jams

MAGMA continued it's winning ways at the Good Dog on Thursday, crushing it's opposition. But the real sparks started flying after the contest, when the MAGMA squad hinted that it might be ready to take on the JAMS. "Yeah, we see that the Jams win just about every week at the 'vous, and we win most weeks at the Dog, so it might be time to go a little mano-a-mano," said Chill Rob A., who then admitted that he didn't know which language mano-a-mano comes from, "though I bet it's a romance language." The Jams, of course, have proved almsot unbeatable on their home turf, having beaten the Sofa Kingdom and the Champs in major challenges at the Vous already. More on this story as it develops.

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April 21, 2006

MAGMA Wins, Claims to have high level of jumpability

Jumpability has been a buzzword of sorts for Johnny Goodtimes this week, and the members of MAGMA claim to have it in spades. "Oh yeah," said Chill Rob A. "You wanna talk about jumpability, you should see what happens when we enter a room." Jumpability is defined as the characteristic that makes people want to throw themselves at you after only a few minutes into conversation and make wild passionate love to you. Some people seem to have it and some...
"Wait, what?"
"Yeah, Chill Rob, what did you think it meant?"
"Oh, I thought it was a characteristic that made people want to jump you and beat the living s*** out of you. Because whatever that charactersic is, we have a lot of it."

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April 14, 2006

Chubby leads MAGMA to win

MAGMA, quickly joining the legions of the Sofa Kingdom and the Jams as the most succesful (and subsequently, most hated) teams in quizzo, edged the Cracked Eggheads in OT, with a little help from Chubby. "Yeah, we were hoping to get Mark Holton as Francis, but Chubby's cool, I guess," said Sheila D. of MAGMA. "I'm just glad we didn't get him as Gacy."

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April 7, 2006

Bastard Children of Claire Huxtable disagree with voting

A poll on MSNBC a couple of years ago announced that Claire Huxtable was TV's best mom, but the members of the Bastard Children of Claire Huxtable couldn't disagree more. "Are you kidding me?" asked Eric B. Added team member Rakim, "She was a terrible mother, at least to us, her bastard children. She would always say, 'Why can't you be more like Theo?' Screw her. I hate that b****."

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April 3, 2006

MAGMA Wins, thinks Buttafuoco's hair looks great

MAGMA won again at the Good Dog on Thursday, then remarked how good Joey Buttafuoco's hair looked in a recent court appearance. "Man, I hope he beats the rap," said team member Armstrong Hinkley. "Because if he ends up in jail there's no chance of a rematch with Chyna on celebrity boxing."

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March 26, 2006

MAGMA Wins, thinks grandma doesn't deserve varsity letter

MAGMA won at the Good Dog on Thursday night, then complained about the 95 year old lady who got her varsity letter from West Virginia University. "I mean, come on," said DJ Chris X. "She just played other people at the school, not even other players from other teams. I can't believe they're just giving her a varsity letter. Seriously, I'm thinking about breaking into her house, stealing that letter back, and giving it to Kevin Pittsnogle. He deserves two varsity letters."

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March 17, 2006

MAGMA wins, prepares to attend Grand Opening at Applebee's

MAGMA cruised to an easy win at the Good Dog on Thursday, but seemed to be paying more attention to what was going on across the street, as Applebee's prepared for their Grand Opening. "Man, first Ruby Tuesday's, then Chili's, now this," said highly acclaimed local DJ Chris R. "Soon, our downtown will look just like Dover's! No wonder everybody's calling us America's next great city! "

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March 10, 2006

W/o Jerry McNamara We Wouldn't Have Won 10 F****** Quizzoes Changes Name

In a move that some are decrying as the "selling out" of quizzo, W/o Jerry McNamara We Wouldn't Have Won Ten F****** Quizzoes changed their team name on Thursday to Red Bull W/o Jerry McNamara We Wouldn't Have Won Ten F****** Quizzoes. The team, which used to be known as the W/O Jerry McNamara We Wouldn't Have Won Ten F****** Quizzoes MetroStars, says that the team name represents a new style. "Yeah, this isn't going to be the tired old W/O Jerry McNamara We Wouldn't Have Won Ten F****** Games you've been used to," said team member Chet Boeheim. "This is going to an all new W/O Jerry McNamara We Wouldn't Have Won Ten F****** Games."

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March 3, 2006

Not Pissing WIth Neil Stein Wins, Less Than an Hour Remains

The cute girl at the coffee shop had a boyfriend who showed up, so Johnny no longer has her to contend with, and thinks that maybe, just maybe, he can pull it off. Pissing WIth Neil Stein defeated the Cracked Eggheads in Overtime, but that's neither here nor there. Seriously, the pressure is starting to get to Johnny. His palms are sweating, his bloodshot eyes stare helplessly at the clock. There's no way he can get this done. There is just no way. But still our hero marches on, hoping against hope...

Cracked Eggheads

I Quit Sunguard

Drunker Than Bode Miller

Johnny's Girls

Los Decepticons

Djarum Doppelganger

The Adventures of Meatbot and Breakfast Beast

MAGMA

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February 24, 2006

Ports R Us Wins, To Cease Lurking Outside Jersey High School

Ports R Us, a team of shadowy alumni of Washington Township High School, were able to take the cake at the Good Dog on Thursday night. The team members, who spend most of their free time lurking outside of the school in the foyer smoking cigarettes and telling girls how awesome they used to be at football, announced that they too are concerned by this strange flu bug. "Yeah, it's a sad day when we can't lurk outside of the school all day, talking about how much better things were when we went there and smoking cigarettes," said Smokey Thompson, who went back to his mom's house this morning after school closed early. "Yeah something like this happened back in '91, when we were state champs," said Turk Chutney, who had a job in sales in the late 90's, but who is now "just waiting for the right opportunity". "Of course I was able to play through that flu and still gain 248 yards in the semis."

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February 17, 2006

The Republican's Dick Shot some guy in the face wins, plans to vanish with Daulton

The Republican's Dick Shot a Guy In the Face came from 13 down in Round Four to knock off defending champs Axis of Evil Knieval, who missed the final three questions to bow out of the winner's circle. TRDSAGITF then announced that they will be vanishing from the earth on December 12, 2012 at 11:11 a.m. with Darren Daulton (and possibly Von Hayes). "Yeah", said Brian van Hilton, "We've decided to live outside of our five senses and to enter the fourth dimension. Hey, if it's good enough for Dutch, it's good enough for me!"

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February 12, 2006

Cheney's shooting spree continues at Good Dog

After shooting a good friend while on a hunting trip, Dick Cheney's insatiable blood lust turned to the Good Dog, where he gunned down one of the members of The Axis of Evil Knieval, still celebrating 48 hours after their big win. "Yeah, Dick just came in screaming 'Kill whitey' and started shooting," said Debbie Duzz of the Knieval. Teammate Franz Fredrickson is said to be in serious yet whimsical condition.

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February 7, 2006

Dirty Donkey Punching Sanchez's Win, Johnny Struggles to make entry family friendly

The Dirty Donkey Punching Sanchez's won a close one at the Good Dog on Thursday, then watched as Johnny tried to keep the site family friendly while at the same time repeatedly typing Dirty Donkey Punching Sanchez's. "Yeah, this one is a real challenge," said Goodtimes. "Maybe just a pic of a donkey covered in mud woulda worked, but then how to explain the 'Sanchez' part of the name? This is a pickle." The Dirty Donkey Punching Sanchez's went to Senor Rattler's after the contest.

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February 1, 2006

Sofa Kingdom Wins at Good Dog, then meltdown commences

The Sofa Kingdom went for a change of venue last Thursday night, and it suited them fine, as they opened an early lead and held on despite a rough round four. Ah, look at those smiling faces. The world was their oyster. A recent write up in the City Paper, a Quizzo Bowl title almost a formality. Who would have known that it would all go so wrong? That they wouldn't even finish in the money at Quizzo Bowl? That they would then go to a first rate quizzo at the New Deck on Monday and choke in the final round? That the following Tuesday, well, you'll have to read about that tommorrow, but trust you/me, it wasn't pretty. Look at those bright shining faces. They are now haggard and worn by frustration, broken dreams, and bad whiskey. Can the Kingdom rise again? Or has the game passed them by, and the bottom of a bad bottle of booze all they have to look forward to? Stay tuned.

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January 20, 2006

The Knee Stabbers Win hate al-Zawahiri, but enjoy his poetry

The Knee Stabbers edged the Axis of Evil Knieval at the Dawg Pound on Thursday night, then talked about the mixed emotions they had about Al-Quaeda leader Ayman Al-Zawahiri. "One the one hand, I hate this crazed son of a bitch and I hope he dies," said team member Sal Amanda Jackson. "On the other hand, I have to appreciate his use of the iambic pentameter. His aestehtics remind me of Wilder, but he maintains the romanticism of Yeats."

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January 13, 2006

MAGMA makes it three for three

MAGMA won for the third time in three tries at the Dog on Thursday, but the victory did little to lift their spirits. "I can't believe Brad didn't call Jennifer to let her know that Angelina was pregnant," said Arlen Spectator of MAGMA. "That is just disrespectful. I don't know what's gotten into him. I used to feel like I knew him. Now I'm just not sure."
RELATED: Angelina getting blasted on Aniston message board. Jolie backers fight back. I just hope nobody gets hurt! OK, yes I do.

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January 7, 2006

Evil Knieval wins, fights to keep pope squatting popular

The Axis of Evil Knieval was able to hold on for a close win at the Dog on Thursday, then tried to find a way to keep "pope squatting" in the lexicon. The term was recently voted 2005 term least likely to succeed by a group of linguist, who apparently have nothing better to do than discuss the future of terms like "pope squatting". Said team member Denise Hemingway, "We really need to keep this term around. Maybe we could get this Pope to play catcher on the Vatican softball team, thus becoming a pope squatter." Added teammate Procter Jackson, "He's probably better than Lieberthal."

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January 2, 2006

Not CLever Enough's Resolution? Spend "lot's of time at applebee's"

Not Clever Enough blew out the competition at the Good Dog on Thursday night, winning with 107 points, then vowed that in 2006, "We'll be spending a LOT of time at Applebee's, opening soon across the street from Good Dog," said Pyrex Henderson. "My New Year's Resolution in 2005 was to spend more time at Chili's, and trust you/me, I've eaten enough Baby Back Ribs to sink a battleship. I'm looking forward to eatin' good in the neighborhood in 2006!"

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December 23, 2005

Axis of Evil Knieval Wins, Rumors of Johnny Using Old Photo "Simply Not True"

Rumors began circulating soon after the Axis of Evil Knieval won at the Good Dog on Thursday that Johnny was using an old photo of the team for the website, and simply covering up the player of the team who wasn't there last night with a Christmas tree. "I am incredulous that these rumors have started," said Goodtimes. "I would never lead stoop to utilizing photoshop to change the authenticity of a photo. I think that's why people like the website-because they feel like they can trust it."

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December 16, 2005

Sit Boo Boo Sit Wins, Attacked

Sit Boo Boo Sit was able to pull off a win at the Good Dog on Thursday, but were unable to fend off an attack from a Frankenfish, which ate three of it's members. "This is going to be an epidemic unlike anything Philadelphia has ever seen," says Frankenfish expert Bartleby McDowell (below). "I predict over 50% of our population will be eaten by the Frankenfish by mid January." Johnny was quoted on Thursday as saying that he hopes that the Frankenfish finds it way to Manyunk.

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December 9, 2005

I Can't Think of a Word to Rhyme Wins, Celebrates

I Can't Think of a Word to Rhyme was victorious at the Good Dog on Thursday night, honoring Ann Coulter's birthday in the process. "Yes, I am a big Ann Coulter fan," said team member Jon Palestra. "I think she is a wonderful, fair minded woman, and I find it appalling that people like Goodtimes are always trying to bring her down." Goodtimes hopes Coulter gets run over by a train (below).
Related: Johnny Hopes Coulter Gets Run Over By a Bus

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December 2, 2005

Mariano Jumps FOr Joy after MAGMA Win

Magma's victory was enough to make team member Rick Mariano jump for joy on Thursday night, as the city coucilman and his teammates emerged victorious at the Good Dog. " It's been a rough year for Rick, what with the indictment and the observation deck episode and all," said teammate Dick Marino. "But I think getting this win just as he heads into vote on an ethics bill (it's like Marion Berry voting for tougher drug laws!) gets him back on the right track."

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November 18, 2005

Axis of Evil Knieval Wins, Training Paris's monkey

The Axis of Evil Knieval pulled off a victory at the Good Dog on Thursday (Recording the 200th ever 100 point score in the process), then spent the post game in agony after learning that Stavros Niarchos III had dumped Paris Hilton. "This is just incredible," said team member MJ Plentyhorse. "They seemed so perfect together. I was hoping they'd die together...not soon, of course." This has not been a good week for Hilton, who was attacked by her pet monkey last Saturday. Rumors that former animal trainer Johnny Goodtimes had trained this particular monkey to "attack" were completely unfounded.

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November 11, 2005

Axis of Evil Knievel Wins, Conspiracy Theorist Connect the Dots

Conspiracy theorists tried to come up with a conspiracy pertaining to the Axis of Evil Knieval's win at the Good Dog on Thursday. "The Axis of Evil Knieval won on the same week that Montana became a state. Evel Knievel himself is from Montana!" explained an excited Dr. Van DuPree, a leading paranormal researcher. "This must mean something, but what?" We at Johnny Goodtimes think we know. It means it's time for some Montana hunting trivia!

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November 4, 2005

MAGMA on Fire

It was a shootout win for MAGMA at the Dog on Thursday, as they held off the SEPTA Replacement Workers, 107-106. After the match, several of the members of MAGMA suggested that those who use cell phones during the contest should have their ears cut off. This, of course came on the heels of Las Vegas's mayor saying that graffiti artists should have their thumbs lopped off. "He makes a good point about how the beheading in France stopped crime," said team member Tennessee "Mississippi" Taylor. "That put an end to violent crime in France, that's for sure."

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October 28, 2005

Plum St. Ghost Dog Wins, Mystery Abounds

The Plum St. Ghost Dog edged the defending champs at the Good Dog on Thursday, and saw something happen that was eerily reminescent of the Philadelphia Experiment, which happened 63 years ago today. In the first photo, you'll see a Pabst Blue Ribbon can. But if you click on the photo to blow it up, it's gone. "The only possible explanation," says RPS legend and winner at the Good Dog C. Urbanus (left), "Is that the Navy performed an experiment to make the Pabst can defeat the space time continuum and travel to a distant location instantly, like Sulu being beamed up before he was gay."

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October 26, 2005

Stone Arrogant Bastards WIn, Disagree With Air Force Coach

The Stone Arrogant Bastards took home the gold at the Good Dog on Thursday, then expressed outrage at the comments of Air Force football head coach Fisher DeBerry. "What? He thinks that black athletes run faster than white athletes?" asked an incredulous Jackie Malone of the SAB'S. "Is he crazy? I mean, just look at the Olympics! Does the name Konstantinos Kenteris ring any bells? And just look at the legions of great white wide receivers and defensive backs who have played in the pros in the last 30 years! What to make of Mark Kelso? Should we just pretend like Tim Dwight never existed? Nice try, coach, but your opinion doesn't just line up with the facts."
P.S. Please check out the link someone mysteriously posted in the comments section. Pretty interesting.

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October 19, 2005

Goodtimes Blames Pedro, Pedro Blames Goodtimes

A fierce fight in the break room (below, moments before the fiasco) at Johnny Goodtimes, Inc. erupted on Wednesday, as Pedro and Goodtimes got into an argument over whose fault it was for Thursday night's pictures not going up until Wednesday. The Axis of Evil Knieval won at the Good Dog, but did not see their photo for almost a week. "They were screaming at each other," said Cheryl from Accounts Payable. "Pedro said that Johnny was a terrible boss and Johnny said that Pedro was going to single-handedly ruin his empire. Then somebody said something about somebody's mother and all hell broke loose."

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October 7, 2005

Axis of Evil Knieval wins, but "At a Loss"

The Axis of Evil Knieval's win at the Good Dog was of small consolation to the group of die-hard Nick Lachey fans. "Yeah," said Sally McSweeney. "We were heartbroken when 98 Degrees broke up, but nothing can compare to the pain of this." The pain she is referring to, of course, is the break up of Nick and Jessica Simpson, a break up facilitated by her apparent romance with a local avian flu doctor, Dr. Bartleby McDowell, M.D.

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October 1, 2005

Johnny Should be ashamed of himself

In a humiliating blow to Johnny Goodtimes, Inc. the once venerated quizmaster was reduced to borrowing somebodies camera phone to snap the following, pathetic photo of the team that won, Tuna and Grits. The team that he borrowed the phone from was called, ironically enough, Johnny Jumped the Shark. A sad, sad performance from a once proud franchise.

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September 23, 2005

The Angry Atter Boys take the title, Angry at Cancellation

The Angry Atter Boys were not pleased on Thursday, despite an impressive win at the Good Dog. "I can't believe FOX cancelled Head Cases after only two episodes," said a distraught Sally Lemmings. I mean it had Chris O'Donnell, and just look at this write up. It looks like comedy gold to me.'" History was almost made at the Dog last night as well. Dumpster (below) went into the fourth round with only 8 points, and would have recorded the lowest score ever if they had missed all the questions in round four. But they nailed two questions and finished with the 2nd lowest score ever, an 18.

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September 16, 2005

Pounder Posse Sends Subliminal Message

The Pounder Posse won at the Good Dog on Thursday. Now I thought by going to google images with "pounder posse", I was going to have a good excuse to visit sites dedicated to, ahem, the enjoyment of numerous people of the opposite sex. All in the name of quizzo. So you can imagine my disappointment when, under the Pounder Posse, all I got was the tiny pic below. When I did research on this "v8" all I found were references to some ridiculous vegetable drink (vegetables in a drink? Yeah, that'll work.) and some Australian car race. Banger posse came up empty too, and the hump posse pics were totally lame.

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September 9, 2005

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time Wins

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time edged the Everyday People at the Good Dog on Thursday, and for a night at least, could feel a little better about some questionable decisions they had made in the past. "Yeah, I shouldn't have bought the Mod 1 picture phone for $2,500 in 1970, but I really thought that it would help me score with the ladies," said team member Remington Howell. "Was $500 a little much to pay for the Aquatron eight track player in 1980? In hindsight, yes. But you've got to remember, it also came with an AM radio feature and mono sound capabilities that could blow your doors." How has Remington coped with the depression of making such bad financial decisions? "This snake oil I bought really lifts up my spirits."
Bonus material!!!: Click here to see the use of 8-track tapes in various films.

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September 2, 2005

Wolfman's Got Nards "Shocked" by Fredex Release

Wolfman's Got Nards celebration after their win on Thursday night was short lived, as they soon received the sad news that FredEx had been cut by the Chiefs. "Shocked. Empty." That was how Eric von Derrick said he felt after hearing the news. "It just goes to show that Dick Vermeil has no idea what he's doing." Freddie says that he's "open to all 32 teams right now." Hmmm, wonder if Bill Belichick* will pick him up?

*Belichick: “[Freddie Mitchell] said he was bringing something for Rodney Harrison. I don’t know, maybe it was the two dropped passes.”
Belichick: "He's terrible...We loved when he was in the game."

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August 30, 2005

Venezuelan Dictators Win at Dog

The Venezuelan Dictators won at the Good Dog on Thursday night, then shot Suge Knight. "It was an accident," said primary shooter Graham "More Than a Feeling" Blair. "We were trying to shoot Diddy." Johnny, realizing how large and mean Suge Knight is, sent his condolences almost immediately. "This is nothing short of a tragedy. Suge is such a teddy bear, except for when he's holding people over ledges or having them assassinated, Pat Robertson style. You just hate to see this happen to such a fine, upstanding American citizen."

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August 19, 2005

Xenu's Warriors Win, Devastated by News

A win at the Good Dog was the only good news Xenu's Warriors got this week, as they found out that their favorite rapper, Eminem, pops pills like Rush Limbaugh. "This is devastating news," said team member Merriweather Theismann. "I mean, talk about being blindsided. I've been listening to his records over and over all day, trying to see if I could find some sort of clue that would have tipped us off to this behavior. I got nothin'." Theismann added, "This just goes to show you that anything can happen. Next thing you know, he'll be mad at his ex-wife and angering women's groups with misogynistic lyrics."

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August 14, 2005

Whatchu Talkin 'Bout Willis wins, Eiffel Tower Screws team Over

Whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis was able to win a spirited match at Good Dog, but didn't have a photo taken because of the Eiffel Tower. It's a long story, one we can't really get into right now. But trust us, it wasn't Johnny's fault. It was the Eiffel Tower's fault. Seriously. Freakin' French.

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July 22, 2005

Good Dog Needs More Chairs Wins

Good Dog Needs More Chairs got the win Thursday night. It was a packed house, making seating a little tough. Good Dog responded that this should not be a problem in the future, as they have a whole shipment of chairs being delivered via rocket (below).

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July 17, 2005

Where's Don wins at the Dawg

Where's Don held off a scrappy JGT for Chief Justice (a position Johnny has denied that he's vying for) team at the Good Dog on Thursday night, 104-99. That the team was able to win despite the absence of Don. But hey, the team needs to realize that there are a few things more important than quizzo-such as keeping trashy drug smugglers off the streets while wearing Armani, living on a houseboat with an alligator, and totally getting it on with Sheena Easton.

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July 8, 2005

Where the Sidewalk Wins

This hasn't exactly been a banner year for Defective Sidewalk member Smooth Dan P. (scroll down), despite numerous victories on the quizzo circuit. His run in the Be the Next Johnny Goodtimes Contest ended rather prematurely, and then he finished last in the annual Wife Carrying World Championship in Finland over the weekend. "Losing the wife carrying championship wasn't the hard part," said the Smooth One. "The hard part will be trying to explain to my wife why she sees me on this website with another woman slung over my shoulders. Thanks a lot, Goodtimes."

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July 1, 2005

Kid Dynamite Blows Up

Kid Dynamite, a company that specializes in carrying out assassinations via dynamite, won the battle on Thursday night, but lost the war. Though they dispatched of the opposition at quizzo in an impressive 99-90 victory over the Cracked Eggheads, they were not nearly as succesful in their attempt to rid the world of a Road Runner that has made life miserable for a nearby resident. "Yeah, he seemed intrigued by the free bird seed, and I thought we had him, but the damn dynamite didn't explode," said Kid Dynamite employee Dupont Seville. "Of course as soon as he ran off and I went to inspect the dynamite, it then exploded. I was lucky to only get a scorched face and body. I'll tell you this much: That'll be the last time I shop at Acme."

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June 24, 2005

Dr. J's Air Supply Cover Band Wins at Dog

Dr. J's Cover Band came away with a victory at the Good Dog on Thursday night, then encouraged people to buy Naked Zorro products. "All of the profits from these t-shirts, panties, mugs, etc. goes toward keeping Naked Zorro hidden from the police," said Brian Buckswain. "We, as Americans, have a responsibility to keep this man on the lamb." That's lam, Brian. Lam.

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June 17, 2005

Shite 'n' Onions Dreams come true!

A few of the players on Shite 'n' Onions won earlier this week at the Bards, then complained of having to dance with Evander Holyfield, wishing they could dance with Joey McIntyre. Well, we weren't able to get Joey to dance with them, but we were able to get Jordan Knight (top right of photo). This long time New Kidder really had some sweet...oh, whoops. Sorry. That's not Jordan Knight. It's Pedro Mays. My bad. White kids from Boston all look the same.

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June 10, 2005

MJ's PJ Party wins at the Dog

Hello, this is Ndango Ngewy, member of the victorious MJ's PJ Party and former princess of Negeria. My father is overthrown in a violent coup about two months ago. You probably know nothing about this because you are an stupid Americans who only care about Brittany's pregnancy. Anyways, we did had to clear out our bank accounts in Negeria after the coup and have to put them into another banks. But the interest rates is so high that we want to hide some of money in bank account of you. For allowing us to do so, we will give you $6 million dollar. I hope this is acceptable for you. Oh, and if you see naked zorro, please tell him that there is former african princess who is just dying to meet him. Thank you.

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June 3, 2005

Cherry Poppers High Men at Good Dog

In Pedro's first full time appearance as Quizmaster, the Cherry Poppers recorded the highest score and took home an impressive win. But the real story of course was Pedro and his troubles with feedback on the microphone. While it appeared to be accidental, there were others that were not so sure. "To be honest, Johnny, I think that Pedro is trying to take quizzo to a whole new level, one replete with acid, protest, and assorted psychedalia," said an unnamed source. Photos from Pedro's performance (below) do indeed have Johnny worried.

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May 27, 2005

Dr Know makes a comeback

Dr. Know made a comeback in the fourth round of quizzo on Thursday night at the Good Dog to defeat Burt Reynold's Pimp Slap. But they had to share the spotlight with possibly the cutest thing I've ever seen in my life (below), a good dog named Stella.

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May 20, 2005

Freud's Mother led by Freud's mother

Freud's Mother, inspired by the play of 170 year old team member Amalia Freud, blew past the competition at the Good Dog on Thursday night, recording an impressive win. "We were impressed not only by her play, but also by Johnny's colorization skills," said team member Cornelius Lee Grant. "Who'd he learn from, Ted Turner?" Meanwhile, Ryan Never Goes Home (below) did go home-with a brand new "Curious Kittens" calendar! I highly recommend clicking on the below shot, since it may be the greatest photo ever taken.

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May 14, 2005

Something With Cessna Wins, Malia not pleased

Something with Cessna was able to finally get off the ground on Thursday night at the Good Dog, taking a lead after round one and never looking back. But their victory was overshadowed by reports that Johnny's cat Malia is very displeased with how the voting for the "Be the Next JGT Contest" is going. "Yeah, she's been even more of a pain in the ass than usual since she started falling in the standings," said her owner, the veritable King of the local quizzo circuit. "Knocking over plants, running roughshod through the house late at night for no discernible reason, that kind of thing. I would harbor to guess that Smooth Dan P. is probably engaged in similar behavior." Johnny denied reports that the sixth place Malia had refused to get off the kitchen table earlier today while he was fixing a sandwich, but this exclusive photo seen only on johnnygoodtimes.com seems to indicate that Johnny is involved in some kind of cover up."

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May 8, 2005

Inspired Cuando Comi Maiz Wins Big

Sometimes the smallest gesture can make the bigest difference. Stanley Colfax and Debbie Henderson (below) sent fellow workmates Cuando Comi Maiz off to Quizzo with an inpirational banner "I made myself!" gushed Henderson. The team was duly inspired. "For them to make such a pretty banner, I just felt like we owed it to them to win this one," said Sally Hale-Bopp. "She made the banner, but I unfurled it," said Steve, who will never be promoted past mid-management.

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April 29, 2005

Big Ass Pie Wins Defensive struggle

The Big Ass Pie proved to be the least dumb, uh, ahem, I mean the smartest team at the Good Dog on Thursday, winning with a score of 70. The team, which is gearing up to bake another pie for this years' Circleville Pumpkin Show, finished second in last years' big ass pie contest to a team known as the "Circleville Jerks"(below).

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April 22, 2005

Gert Jonnys Pull Off Miracle Comeback; Having Yard Sale

The Gert Jonnys pulled off a comeback for the ages, coming back from 17 down going into Round Four to knock off a La Salsa Caliente team that looked like they had it wrapped up going into the final round. It was the second time in a month a team had come back from 17 down in the final round to win at the Dog. The Jonnys claimed that they would have done better in the early rounds if they hadn't been so busy fighting off groupies. "That's the hard part of being in a boy band," said lead singer Gert Hogswell. "It's so hard to concentrate when the groupies won't leave you alone." Gert then announced that he will be hosting a Yard Sale on Saturday at Ninth and Pine, even though there is supposed to be a major thunderstorm.

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April 18, 2005

Arrogant Bastards Dedicate Win to Tiny Tim

The Arrogant Bastards were victorious at the Good Dog on Thursday night, crushing the competition. Said Louise Sharpie after the match, "We just wanted to dedicate this win to Tiny Tim, who would have turned 73 this week if he were still alive." At which point Chuck "Charles" Spagnola replied, "What, you didn't hear? Tiny Tim is still alive. He's in Argentina recording an album with 2Pac."

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April 11, 2005

Lying in state wins at Dog

Lying in State, after winning at the Good Dog on Thursday, thought it could impress women by speaking poorly of the Inquirer's recent story on Delilah's. "I mean with a war going on, isn't it just ridiculous that a major metropolitan newspaper would do a story about the local strip club?" said Randolph Chichi, loud enough so that nearby women could hear him . "Besides," added Tony Dakota in an unnaturally loud voice, "Why should the paper endorse the exploitation of women? I would never read that sort of garbage." After recognizing that their comments were getting them nowhere, Randolph and Tony stormed out and headed to Signatures.

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April 1, 2005

Dr. Know Inspired in Final Round

Dr. Know was able to post a remarkable come from behind victory at the Good Dog on Thursday, coming from 17 back in the final round to take the win. The team was apparently inspired by Honey Ryder, who showed up just before the final round. Though Goodtimes had her quickly escorted from the arena ("I'm trying to maintain a family atmosphere here, and the next thing you know I've got a half naked Bond girl on my hands," said the flummoxed quizmaster), Dr. Know played like a team possessed after her appearance, and cruised in Round Four. Added a disgusted Goodtimes after the match, "I'm just glad Frank Perdue wasn't alive to see this display."

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March 27, 2005

Like School on Saturday

The team that won on Thursday night at Good Dog, Wasting Away With the Schiavos, ain't got no class. They also ain't got no photo, since Johnny forgot to bring his memory card. But trust me, they look a lot like the people above.

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March 13, 2005

wtf, bar on fire

A raging blaze broke out at the Good Dog on Thursday night, as Goodtimes absent mindedly placed some papers on a candle. Fortunately for the crowd, official Johnny Goodtimes Fire Chief Smokey McManus (below) was in attendance, and bravely put out the blaze. The bar wasn't the only thing on fire, as WTF finally got its head out of its collective ass and smoked the competition at the Good Dog.

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March 7, 2005

Where the Hell Were You?

What, are you people too good for quizzo at the Good Dog? You think you people can just take off a week, and I won't notice? Of course I notice! I'm Johnny F***** Goodtimes, I notice everything! Sorry. Damn. This scurvy is messing with my emotions. Martha's Prison Yoga Team was able to hold off Where the F*** is Brent at the Good Dog on Thursday. Nice job, gang.

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March 6, 2005

Pics From Good Dog

Alright, pics are up for Good Dog. After weeks of being packed to the rafters, it was eerily quiet on Thursday night. However, a fine time was had by all.

Where the f*** is Brent?

Making Brown

G-Men in G-Suit

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February 27, 2005

the cos touched me wins at good dog

The Coz Touched Me was kooler than a pudding pop at the Good Dog on Thursday. However, their team name made for some awkward silence when Coz showed up to play-on their team! "Oh, man, we had no idea he was coming," said Rachel P. Thaddeus. "We invited him after the case got thrown out of court, but we never thought he'd actually come. He handled like a pro, though. He just smacked us on the ass and said, 'Let's go get 'em.'"

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February 20, 2005

Der Autobahn Wins at Good Dog

Der Autobahn proved to be no boobs at the Good Dog on Thursday, getting the breast of the competition. Though the weather was a bit nipply, the autobahn stayed hot, going tit for tat with Oedipus Rex and Free Mumia. "This was a victory or bust type situation for us," said team member Veronica Lipshitz. "And I think that our team was perky enough, firm enough, and well rounded enough to pull off the win."

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February 13, 2005

I'm a doctor, not a quizmaster

Dr. Know, employing help from specialist Bones McCoy, was able to boldly go where no man has gone before at the Good Dog on Thursday. McCoy, who seemed almost offended at the questions ("I'm a doctor, Goodtimes, not a spermologer*"), was able to transport his team to an impressive victory over a room full of Romulons. Oh and here's an interesting article where you can learn about the science of Star Trek.

*one who collects trivia

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February 4, 2005

I Can Eat More Wings Than You Wins, Angers Wingador

I Can Eat More Wings Than You Can won a narrow victory at the Good Dog on Thursday, infuriating El Wingador. "The team name was not a challenge to El Wingador," explained Stanley "Hot Sauce" Simpson. "I was offering more of a challenge to your garden variety hot wing eater, not to the master. I can eat like 18 or so at a sitting, while most people eat like 10 or 12. I was referring to them, and like children and stuff. I can eat more wings than most children."

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February 1, 2005

Dr. Know? Dr. Yes!

Dr. Know was able to emerge victorious at the Good Dog on Thursday night, edging out On the Dole, 82-76. Before you make a reservation with Dr. Know, let it be known that they are not accredited! On the Dole, a rag tag bunch of unemployed miscreants who went hungry after not winning the first place prize, learned a valuable lesson on Thursday night: that if you bug the s*** out of Johnny, AND you have cute girls on your team, you'll probably get a photo on the website.

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January 22, 2005

Smiling's My Favorite Turns Frown Upside Down

Smiling's My Favorite won at the Good Dog on Thursday night, leading from beginning to end. When asked how they came up with the team name, they said for us to go to google, type in "smiling's my favorite" and search for images. That's when it all became crystal clear.

Posted at 12:27 PM | Email to a friend

January 16, 2005

Dome team finally wins

After hearing all week that a dome team could never survive the elements, Team Mug Night went out and proved the naysayers wrong, coming from behind to win at the Good Dog. "Yeah, we've been playing indoors all year, but this team has the kind of heart it takes to win in a driving snowstorm on the road," said Layton Canning of the Mugs. "We're not like the Colts."

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January 9, 2005

Update! Chris and Quizhoes supply own photo!!!

Talk about resourceful! Chris and the Quizhoes were able to capture their own photo after winning on Thursday, then emailed it to Johnny Goodtimes for inclusion on the website!

Posted at 11:59 PM | Email to a friend

Chris and Quizhoes Beat Nurses, Simpson signed by Goodtimes

Chris and Quizhoes were able to come from behind to defeat "For the Love of Cans" at the Good Dog, but Goodtimes forgot to take the team photo. Fortunately for Goodtimes, he was able to deflect attention from his own stupidity by announcing that Ashlee Simpson would be performing at Quizzo Bowl I. "That crowd at the Orange Bowl never gave her a chance," said Goodtimes, who was onstage during the performance. "I think the crowd at the Quizzo Bowl will be much more forgiving."

Posted at 8:15 PM | Email to a friend

January 2, 2005

Lazy Sluts Win!

The Lazy Sluts were able to win at the Good Dog on Thursday night, despite their indolence, and their willingness to sleep with numerous members of the opposite sex without even learning their names. By the way, when I googled images for "Lazy Sluts" (For research purposes only) this was the first picture to pop up. I hope the girl on the floor is ok.

Posted at 6:03 PM | Email to a friend

December 22, 2004

Daddy's Favorite Sauce Wins

Daddy's Favorite Sauce won at the Good Dog on Thursday night, knocking off Baldy, Fatty and the Big Ears, 91-85. And while the team refused to give up the secret ingredient of Daddy's Favorite Sauce, they were accomadating enough to give the recipe for Daddy's Favorite Meatloaf.

Posted at 11:27 AM | Email to a friend | Comments (1)

December 10, 2004

Good Christian fun had at Good Dog, Wolfowitz Pleased

Good clean Christian fun was had at the Good Dog on thursday night, as the Big Ass Pie was able to hold off Remember the Shuttlecocks, 96-86. "This is great," said Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz. "I mean, I'd prefer that alcohol not be involved, but still, this seems like good Christian fun for the whole family.

Posted at 11:24 PM | Email to a friend

Photos Leaked, Wolfowitz "Disgusted"

Photos of Johnny spanking birthday girl Kristen Szzywzjzkwoski were released on Friday night, infuriating Paul Wolfowitz. "What in the name of all that's good and holy is going on here?" asked the Deputy. "Now do you people see why I so strongly favor preemptive action? If we had terminated Goodtimes with extreme predjudice a few years ago, our children wouldn't be subjected to this garbage."

Posted at 11:23 PM | Email to a friend

December 6, 2004

Ken Jennings: H & R Blockehead Wins at the Dog

Ken Jennings: H & R Blockhead was able to do what Ken Jennings could not do this week-win the big one. The Blockheads were able to fight off a valiant Chris and the Quizhoes squad, 97-95. Afterward, Ken Jennings was not pleased. "Yeah, real funny," said Jennings (below). "I'd like for those idiots to keep in mind that I won a little bit more than a $30 gift certificate."

Posted at 12:20 AM | Email to a friend

November 20, 2004

I'll wear your ass for a hat shoots lights out!

I'll Wear Your Ass for a Hat was able to hold off the Rice Water Stools of Doc Watson's at the Good Dog on Thursday. It was a real gunfight, and both teams shot the lights out, with a final score of 106-105. Oh wait, those lights weren't shot out. It looks like Ass for Hat member Doug Curbside was stepping on the electrical cord and killing the juice, just like he kept doing during the contest.

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November 14, 2004

No Johnny, No Problem Wins at the Dog

Trivia Art, rebounding from his loss to the Grand Inquizzanator a few months back, was able to fill in admirably for Goodtimes while the King of Quizzo was being revered by his fans. In fact, No Johnny No Problem could have cared less about JGT not being in the building. "Yeah, at least Trivia Art knows the difference between a fridge and an air conditioner," said Thad Stallworth of the winners (see Rendezvous story for explanation). "Goodtimes? We don't need no stinking Goodtimes."

Posted at 7:02 PM | Email to a friend

November 6, 2004

Soon to Be Canadians Meet Heroes

The Soon to be Canadians not only won at the Good Dog on Thursday, they also got to meet a couple of their soon to be co-citizens, Keanu Reeves and Pam Anderson. "Yeah, they were kool," said Thad Stallworth of the victors, "But I woulda preferred to meet Alan Thicke."

Posted at 6:38 PM | Email to a friend

October 30, 2004

Deep Fat Fryer Wins at Good Dog

All Quiz and no play make Deep Fat Fryer a dull team. All Quiz and no play make Deep Fat Fryer a dull team. All Quiz and no play make Deep Fat Fryer a dull team. All Quiz and no play make Deep Fat Fryer a dull team. All Quiz and no play make Deep Fat Fryer a dull team. All Quiz and no play make Deep Fat Fryer a dull team. All Quiz and no play make Deep Fat Fryer a dull team. All Quiz and no play make Deep Fat Fryer a dull team. All Quiz and no play make Deep Fat Fryer a dull team.

Posted at 2:53 PM | Email to a friend

October 24, 2004

Daddy's Favorite Sauce Rises, Castro Falls

Daddy's Favorite Sauce blew away the competition at Good Dog on Thursday, then watched in horror as Castro took his second major fall in a week. "I didn't even realize Castro was here," said Lance Carpenter, "Until he slipped and hit his head on our table. He was unconscious, so we called the ambulance. Then we ate his chicken fingers."

Posted at 10:13 AM | Email to a friend

October 17, 2004

Indictment free city hall workers indicted

A team calling itself the Indictment Free City Hall Workers was indicted by FBI agents shortly after winning at the Good Dog on Thursday night. "We knew they were around here somewhere," said Spanky "Garth" Yellowstone of the FBI. ""They were only three left that hadn't been indicted other than the mayor, but I'm pretty sure he didn't commit any wrongdoing. Anyway, Johnny had seen a McGruff the Crime Dog commercial earlier in the day, so he knew who to call when he saw these criminals. Johnny's much more than just some cheesy game show host: he's a crime fighter." So So and the Blah Blah's (below) put in a so-so performance, and finished second.

Posted at 7:26 AM | Email to a friend

October 11, 2004

$101 Cheesteak worth the price

The $101 Cheesesteak was able to hold off the Deep Fat on Thursday at the Good Dog, 93-92. They also offered a much better deal than the one Stephen Starr is offering. "Yeah, Stephen gives you goose liver and truffles and s***," said team member Ron-Ron Angelo. "Big f****** deal. For just one dollar more, we throw in a whore."

Posted at 11:40 AM | Email to a friend | Comments (2)

October 2, 2004

Beaker and Honeydew Carry the Debaters to Win.

History was made at the Good Dog on Thursday, as the Presidential Debates are for Suckas became the first team in Good Dog history to make the 100 point list. They were also the first team of any kind, at any bar, to have a team member shotgun a beer during competition, something Johnny heartily encourages. Team member Beaker was very excited about the win, saying afterward, "Meep meep meepmeep meep meep meepmeep, meepmeepmeep. Meep meep meep? Meep."

Posted at 2:41 PM | Email to a friend

September 25, 2004

Puppy With a Microchip Wins

Puppy With a Microchip, led by Huckleberry Hound, was able to pull past Dirty Mice Get Fat 94-89 at the Good Dog on Thursday. Skankho finished last, but when Johnny, out of professional curiosity of course, typed skank ho into google, he got back this page, which shows you what your name would be if you were a skank ho pop star like Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera. Mine would be DJ Enhanced. What's yours?

Posted at 2:49 PM | Email to a friend | Comments (2)

September 18, 2004

Chantells Win, Francisco Busted

The Chantells were able to knock off the High Holidays at the Good Dog on Thursday night, 91-86. Then, just as the celebration began, chaos broke out, as Texas Ranger pitcher Frank Francisco burst into the room, followed closely by TJ Hooker. Realizing he was trapped, Francisco quickly gave up, and Hooker forced the pitcher to admit to throwing chairs at both Doc's and the Rendezvous. When Johnny says he's calling in the pros, he ain't bulls******.

Posted at 2:12 PM | Email to a friend

September 10, 2004

Sexual Nutella Wins at Good Dog

Sexual Nutella was as sweet as a chocolate-hazelnut spread at the Good Dog on Thursday, knocking off the Deep Fat Fryer 87-77. Shortly after the contest, Johnny had to make an apology to the last place Wide Mouth Frogs. In the first round, Johnny asked, "What grim milestone was reached this week in the War in Iraq?" and the Frogs answered "Saddam Hussein freed." While Johnny marked the answer wrong, he soon discovered that the Frogs were actually privy to some confidential info. In fact, Saddam was freed this past week, and is currently working as a hip hop Deejay in Cincinnati. According to WKRP Deejay Venus Flytrap, "Sady Sade gets ill on the Wheels of Steel."

Posted at 3:08 PM | Email to a friend

September 3, 2004

Scott Peterson's Tacklebox Exhibits Poor Taste, Sharp Minds

Scott Peterson's Tacklebox was guilty as charged on Thursday night: on possession of large brains!!! The Tacklebox was able to coast past their opponents at the Good Dog before the verdict was handed down by the Johnny Goodtimes Grand Lords of Justice (below).

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August 6, 2004

Fireworks Light up Sky at Good Dog

The Fireworks, a team of three men all fighting over the same beautiful lady, were able to put there differences aside just long enough to slip past the Carnivores for a 93-92 win. In other news, it's 12:15 a.m., and reports indicate that Johnny has not even begun packing for his 7:45 a.m. flight.

Posted at 12:10 AM | Email to a friend

July 30, 2004

Notorious NOS Wins again

Notorious NOS was able to withstand a late run by the Boys From Dicios at the Good Dog on Thursday and win 80-79. It was their second straight win at the Good Dog. Squeaky Fromme says hello.

Posted at 12:15 PM | Email to a friend

July 23, 2004

Crazy N.O.S. Wins

Crazy NOS, a team consising of med school students, sweated out a two point victory at the Good Dog on Thursday, but then left before Johnny got their picture. Fortunately, Johnny had a date with a nurse later that night, and thought she would fill in nicely for the med students.

Posted at 4:05 PM | Email to a friend | Comments (1)

July 16, 2004

I Have a Contagious Rash Infects Competition

I Have a Contagious Rash was able to hold off They're All Canadian, 89-83 at the Good Dog on Thursday. But the big story was Cheating on Kadunc, who was the only team all week that believed that an Iranian woman gave birth to a live frog. "Come on Johnny, we've got the photo to prove it," said Chuck Smooth of the Kadunc's. The Johnny Goodtimes Parliament determined that said photo (below) was inconclusive.

Posted at 1:46 PM | Email to a friend

July 10, 2004

Dooty Pages Win at Good Dog

The Dooty Pages ran the tables in Round four, answering all ten questions correctly to pull past the String Shoe Potatoes, who had held the lead throughout. The Fish Stix, meanwhile, were beaten like a red headed stepchild.
(i.e. Sam from Different Strokes)

Posted at 11:40 AM | Email to a friend

July 2, 2004

Lima Ass Cracker Wins

The Lima Ass Cracker won in convincing fashion at the Good Dog on Thursday night. Meanwhile, Johnny saw this brave young lady below carry her drunk friend down the stairs piggyback! And as you know, Johnny likes to acknowledge those sweet souls who sacrifice for their friends. Especially when they're hot.

Posted at 5:03 PM | Email to a friend | Comments (1)

June 25, 2004

Three Catholics and a Jew Picked First

Thursday was a big night for the team of Three Catholics and a Jew, as they were able to win at Good Dog, and then were picked first by the Orlando Magic. The Magic were the first to utilize a new NBA rule, in which any team which drafts American white people can draft as many as they want, in this case four. "Yeah, there were better players available, but our motto has always been 'quantity, not quality,'" said team owner Bobby Orlando. "We've got 37 players, which is a lot more than anyone else in the league. So in that regard, we're #1." In other news, a girl on one of the other teams made artwork out of ketchup. If you or any of your friends has a worthless talent (NOT that being able to draw with ketchup is worthless!), please let Johnny know so we can get them on the website.

Posted at 3:39 PM | Email to a friend

June 18, 2004

1022 86es Opponents

1022 was able to fight off Pigs Speak Latin at the Good Dog on Thursday night, answering the final question about Thomas Paine correctly. Of course, this hasn't been the best week for the author of Common Sense. Paine, who was impotent, has been featured by Viagra in it's new "Great Impotent Americans" ad campaign.

Posted at 4:58 PM | Email to a friend

June 11, 2004

Toothless Cats Win

The Toothless Cats came from behind to knock off Isn't It Embarrassing to Be From Darby, 89-88 at the Good Dog on Thursday, then starred in a really crappy movie.

Posted at 5:33 PM | Email to a friend

June 5, 2004

Deep Fat Fryer Fries Competition

The Deep Fat Fryer was able to pull off a victory at the Good Dog on Thursday, despite the performance of Akshay Buddiga. "We brought him because we heard that the second round would be spelling," said team member Curly McSweeney. "We shouldn't have ordered so many shots, because he passed out when Johnny asked us to spell abalone. But I'll be damned if he didn't hop right back up and spell it correctly."

Posted at 10:47 AM | Email to a friend

May 28, 2004

Hold the CHeese Wins

Hold the Cheese was able to hold off Special Ed Ed at the Good Dog on Thursday, 94-84. But the controversy occurred after the game, when an embittered member of the Deep Fat Fryer (who finished a disappointing fourth) accused Johnny of putting her friends on the website a few weeks ago just because they were cute. Johnny was outraged at the insinuation. "That certainly wasn't the case when I put the Jersey girls on the site last week. And do you really think I took that photo below at the Bards on Tuesday simply because the girls were cute? No, it was because I liked their moxie. And I'm not the only one that's upset by these accusations. The hot girls that played at Watson's a few weeks ago are livid."

Posted at 11:55 AM | Email to a friend

May 24, 2004

Women w/o Teeth Win

Women Without Teeth were able to pull out a victory at the Good Dog on Thursday night. But it was the women with teeth, the Hot Jersey Girls, who provided much of the excitement, finishing, um...who the hell cares what they finished? They're Hot Jersey Girls!

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May 15, 2004

Smarty Jones is Smarty Indeed

Smarty Jones proved that he's every bit as intelligent as his name implies, as he led the Blind Squirrels to victory at the Good Dog on Thursday. "There's been a lot of pressure on Smarty since the Derby," said trainer Dummy Smith. "We thought a night out on the town, throwin' back a couple of road sodas would loosen' him up for Preakness."

Posted at 11:42 AM | Email to a friend | Comments (2)

May 7, 2004

Slutty Boobalutty Makes No Concessions to Opponents

Slutty Bubbalutty edged out Special Ed Ed at Good Dog on Thursday, 96-91. But the real story was that the team played with Rebecca Loos, the woman who supposedly had an affair with David Beckham. Posh Spice was not pleased. "What?" she screamed. "She makes a name for herself by having an affair with my hubby, and then she tries to keep her name in the news by playing quizzo at Good Dog? What a worthless whore." Bobby Pendegrass of the winning team disagreed. "I was hoping she was a worthless whore, but no such luck."

Posted at 12:44 PM | Email to a friend | Comments (1)

April 16, 2004

River Quiz Overthrows the Squirrels

The Bridge Over the River Quiz, with some help from Che Guevara, were able to overthrow the imperialist regime of the Blind Squirrels and thrust themselves into power at the Good Dog. "Yeah, Che got us pretty fired up," said team member Milo McSweeney. "In fact, after the game, it was decided that next we should overthrow the capitalist regime in Bolivia in a stunning coup d'etat. That's when I remembered that I had to be at work at 8:30 the next morning, so we had to call the whole thing off."

Posted at 6:44 PM | Email to a friend

April 9, 2004

Always the Bridesmaid

Menkerdoodle did it again, in heartbreaking fashion. For at least the eigth time (I'm serious) they finished in second place at a Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo Spectacular, as Women Without Teeth knocked them out at the Good Dog, 80-78. They thought they could break the jinx by bringing a hot bridesmaid to the contest, but alas, all that did was bring further misfortune. (We think you can figure out for yourself what happened when Johnny made an advance on the bridemaid.) Also, making a surprise guest appearance for round four was White Wilt Chamberlain, desperate to get some free press after losing at the Bards on Tuesday.

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April 2, 2004

Hell Returns to Normal

Just a day after freezing, conditions in hell returned to normal, as Menkerdoodle choked yet again in the fourth round, this time at Good Dog, allowing The Bridge Over the River Quiz to escape with the victory. "Yep, oppressive heat, stifling humidity, and a sickening stench have returned," remarked Lucifer. "Thank goodness for Menkerdoodle. What a topsy turvy world this would be if they hadn't of choked! But it's nice to know there are some things we can always count on."

Posted at 12:10 PM | Email to a friend

March 28, 2004

Deep Fat Fryer Wins First Good Dog Spectacular

The Deep Fat Fryer was the first ever team to win quizzo at the Good Dog, edging Women w/o Teeth 93-88. "The only fair comparison you can really make," said Baron von McGee of the DFF, "Is with Charles Lindberg crossing the Atlantic. I mean, except we weren't in a plane, weren't ever in any inherent danger, and had zero people waiting for us in Paris when it was all over."

Posted at 3:28 PM | Email to a friend | Comments (4)