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November 9, 2007

Around the Horn, brought to you by Rainbow Brite

-A guy from Gridskipper tries 10 cheesesteaks and ranks them. He ranks the standards 1,2,3,4 (Luke's, Jim's, Pat's, Geno's.) What? Did he really even go, or did he just base this on some 1980 newspaper article? He does get a good dig in at Vento though. (via Foobooz)

-My editor (Dorothy) is hosting a debate tonight at 6 p.m. over whether Starbucks is evil. (I think you know where I come down on this debate). Anyways, in an effort to score brownie points, I am mentioning the details here:
Harmelin Media Stage
2111 Sansom St.
$10
www.firstpersonarts.org

-The Major sports leagues just get more and more evil with each passing day. First of all, former Eagles coordinator Brad Childress has decided to dock receiver Troy Williamson a week's pay because he missed Sunday's game to attend the funeral of the grandmother who raised him. Meanwhile, in Seattle, Sonics ownership is holding the citizens of the city hostage, saying that if they don't pay corporate welfare for a new arena, he's moving. Of course, Darth Stern has blasted city officials for not anteing up.

-But let's end with some good sports news. The Phils are close to re-signing JC Romero. Now we just gotta get Rowand, and it's time to start counting down the days to pitchers and catchers reporting.

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Morning News and Notes

-Vote for which movie I should watch this weekend. Thus far, it looks like we've got our first blowout in this little experiment.

-I am not married or engaged. Apparently that rumor was making it's way around some circles. Don't worry ladies, I am still flying Hans Solo.

-Working on a Punkin' Chunkin' music video. Should have it up by Monday.

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November 8, 2007

JGT: Credible News Source?

Remember a few weeks ago I did a Metro column on Canada? Well, one of the jokes I made went as follows: The World Famous Toronto Cheesesteak shops have signs in their windows that read, "This is Canada. When ordering, speak Canadian."

Apparently "The Snooper" from the Philadelphia Record took this as truth, reporting recently: It seems everyone agrees with Joe Vento, of Geno’s Steaks, regarding his sign. Check this out. In Canada, TORONTO’S world famous cheesesteak shops have signs that read, “This is Canada. When ordering, SPEAK CANADIAN”. So why is Joe Vento in the wrong? This whole sign business is all ridiculous, because he is merely expressing his rights to “free speech”. Remember, THIS IS AMERICA!

Yes, Snoop, you'd be amazed at how many of those damn migrants Up North have learned to speak Canadian since those signs went up. (Thanks to Steve for sending this in.)

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November 7, 2007

What great movie should I watch for the first time

So far, this has been great. Spent the last two fridays on my couch watching terrific films. Thanks for your help in picking them out. Here's a few more that I still haven't seen. Which one should I watch this weekend? Voting ends friday at 5 p.m.

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Around the horn, brought to you by Berzerk

-This rapping groundhog makes me wanna be a nurse.

-Trivia Art's latest in the Metro.

-It was on this date in 1940 that the famous Tacoma Narrows Bridge began waving wildly in the wind. In this video, the only thing as good as the trippy bridge waving is the news reel announcer.

-An economist tries to figure out why we date who we date. Pretty interesting: In a survey we did before the speed dating began, participants rated their own intelligence levels, and it turns out that men avoided women whom they perceived to be smarter than themselves. If there are any dumb girls out there reading this, call me. We can get together and make fun of smart girls.

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November 6, 2007

How Taubenberger coulda won

It would have been simple. If Al had destroyed the Philadelphia Parking Authority, he woulda had a chance. And I don't mean destroy it like reorganzie it. No I mean marching down to PPA headquarters with a barrel of gasoline and setting the goddamm thing on fire. Had he done that months ago, people would have said, "You know what, this Taubernberger guy is OK. I think I may just vote for him."
RELATED: The Philadelphia Parking Authority, the most pathetic entity in the city of Philadelphia other than the Eagles receiving corps.

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November 5, 2007

pics of last week's winners

THis week, just to salt the wound a little bit, the theme for questions is gonna be " Dallas". One guess per person.

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November 2, 2007

Brotherly Love

Michael Nutter called out the people of Philadelphia today in a stirring speech at LOVE Park. “This is supposed to be the city of brotherly love and sisterly affection. We need to start acting like it. We need to start acting like it," he said. WE NEED…TO START…ACTING LIKE IT.”** What are you doing to show Brotherly Love? There is still a severe shortage of men in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program, which is a great way to make a huge impact on the future of the city. If that's not your bag, why not go to philacares.com and find something that does interest you. The future of Philadelphia is in your hands. GET INVOLVED!

And speaking of Brotherly Love, I highly encourage you to watch this great 3 minute film about our beloved city.

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Johnny's returning to the Punkin Chunkin

A couple of years ago my girfriend at the time (the one who hates Houdini) and I took a romantic holiday weekend to Delaware for the Punkin' Chunkin'. It almost turned out tragic. If you have not already read the story of the pumpkin accident that nearly ended my life, I highly recommend you read it. Last year, I went down, but got their too late for the actual chunkin and just hung out in Ocean City for a night.

Well, my old freshman roommate in college goes to Punkin Chunkin every year and this year he rented a freaking RV so that he and his friends would not have to leave the punkin field the whole weekend. You can see why we hit it off so well in college. So I'm heading down first thing tomorrow morning and will be taking plenty of pictures and some video. And hopefully this year I can avoid pumpkin tragedy.

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Around the Horn, brought to you by my upcoming root canal

-The Enola Gay pilot Paul Tibbets died and with him went his dream of dropping another atomic bomb.

-I don't watch many movies, obviously, but I gotta admit, I'm kind of excited about American Gangster and might try to actually go to the theatre to see it. Denzel was so good as a bad guy in Training Day (though it wasn't that great of a film), and I look forward to see him as the bad guy again.

-Speaking of gangsters, the City Paper has an interesting article about a restaurant in South Philly that is apparently run by the mob, but because the writers didn't want to go swimming in the Schuylkill, they didn't say what restaurant it is. Anybody got the inside scoop? (CP via Foobooz)

-Went to the dentist yesterday and got some great news: I'm getting a root canal! That's right, only $3000 for one of the most awesome experiences of my life! Seriously, I can't wait. I love not having dental insurance! This is gonna be awesome.

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Pick which movie I should watch!

Alright, we've got until 5 p.m. today to determine which movie I'll be watching. Just click here and vote for which classic movie I should watch for the first time. There's some good ones, and we've got a pretty close match between three of them.

Posted at 11:07 AM | Email to a friend | Comments (0)

November 1, 2007

No Quizzo at Good Dog Tonight

Due to renovations, we will not be having quizzo at the Good Dog tonight. If you have not had a chance to play the Spooktacular this week, be sure to make it to the Bards at 10 p.m. I might even start close to on time tonight. Doubtful, but possible. And who knows, you might get to see me go all Irish Jon on someone again like I did Tuesday night, when a girl who had sat there all night shouted out an answer on the 39th question. And finally, you could win tonight: Sofa Kingdom won't be playing.
(photo courtesy of Messy and Picky)

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Around the Horn, brought to you by Mr. Peanut

-Thanks for voting for me, gang! Just got named Philly's Best Quizzo in the City Paper for the 4th straight year. However, after that cover story yesterday, I have to wonder if Steve O. has taken my title as Philly's favorite "C" celebrity. This kind of reminds me of when Ricky "The Dragon" Steamboat took the Intercontinental Title from the "Macho Man" Randy Savage.

-Sarah of the Narotyzing Dysfunktion (above) definitely wins for best costume at quizzo this week, made even more impressive that she threw it together in an hour and a half with stuff she had lying around her apartment. And the best part about her outfit, as the Sofa Kingdom quickly pointed out: she was wearing loafers with her spats.

-Just when you're ready to believe the stereotype that the Japanese are very efficient in the workplace, you find out they are really spending all their time at the office doing this with their pens.

-Don't look now, but Dennis Kucinich is making a run.

-Here's Trivia Art's latest in the Metro (from yesterday).

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October 31, 2007

JGT Almost catches a beatdown at Halloween Party

Steve O. hooked me up with a ticket to the Zee Bar's annual Halloween party, and I headed over there on Saturday night. It was filled with beautiful women and a lot of toolbag type guys wearing outfits that revealed how awesomely ripped they were. That included a group of guys who went as SWAT team that was sitting at a booth. At one point in the evening, a young lady said, "Come with me to my friends booth." Now, if there is anything more Manayunk douchebag than getting bottle service at a party where the alcohol is free I'd love to know what it is. But this team of totally awesome SWAT team guys had done just that. By the time I got to their booth, all of the booze was gone, but a few of them were looking at me disgustedly. Finally, one of the guys goes, "You're not with our group. Get the f*** out of here. You're not f****** with us!" He glared at me angrily. Now, keep in mind that as this guy is getting all fired up at me for daring to sit at his booth, I am dressed as Pee Wee Herman. I thought about it for a second, and realized that if I started to fight this guy and Andy Reid (aka Steve O.) joined in, it would be one of the greatest C-celebrity Halloween stories ever. But Steve was nowhere to be seen, and there were four of them, so I figured that discretion would be the better part of valor. I headed out, but not before chiming in, "Well, I guess I'll just be going then" a la Pee Wee at the Private Club of the Satan's Helper's. I looked over a few minutes later, and the head toolbag had his head in his hands. Apparently that bottle service booze, though an excellent way to waste money, had gotten the best of him. Or maybe he just felt bad for kicking me out. That was probably it. He was so mad at himself. "I have turned Pee Wee against my SWAT team! What was I thinking?'
RELATED: To see a pic of the toolbag that tried to start s*** with Pee Wee Herman, click to after the jump. He's the guy all the way on the left.
RELATED: For a few more shots of the Halloween party, including Pee Wee with a few more cuties, click here.

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JGT Has Rhyme Battle with MIddle School Oratorical Rival

JD Outten (above, with son), whom I spoke about earlier this week because he took honorable mention in a middle school oratory contest that I deserved to win, answered back in the comments section with a poem of his own:
The Broadwater Gym Lights, have seen great sights,
But the greatest they ever did see:
was long before SARS
and a poem about Mars
And I defeated Johnny G. T.

In true East Coast/West COast fashion, I have answered with a poem of my own:

I'd memorized every line of that confounded rhyme
About a raven as black as dark fudge is
So when they announced that JD
Had defeated JGT
I knew he must have paid off the judges.

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Fun Halloween stuff

-Danny Lloyd, who played the young boy in The Shining, is currently a biology teacher in Louisville. He didn't know he was acting in a horror movie until years later.

-Do yourself a favor and a story by the greatest horror writer ever today, Edgar Allen Poe.

-Harry Houdini died on Halloween, 1926, after some dude at McGill University punched him in the stomach. Perhaps not coincidentally, my ex-girlfriend (named, appropriately enough, Elvira) went to McGill University. The lesson: If you are a quizmaster, magician, or some other novelty profession, steer clear of McGill students and alumni.

-The jack o'lantern originated in Ireland. But they carved their jack's outta turnips. Here's some more Halloween fun facts.

-Ladies are dressing quite revealingly at Halloween these days. Are these outfits perpetuating stereotypes about certain professions (naughty nurse, tough cop, etc.)? And here's an article in last years NY Times about the current trend of, ahem, revealing outfits. What do you guys think? Slutty outfits: harmless fun or a sign of the decay of the Western World?

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Andy Reid this article!!!

I knew D-Mac was doing a story on Steve-O, but I had no idea it was a cover story. Damn, congrats, Steve. Speech! Speech!
UPDATE: Steve O. will be on WIP at 7 a.m. manana (thursday), so be sure to listen!

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October 30, 2007

Bonus points for dressing up

I will be giving one point for each member of a team that dresses up for quizzo tonight and manana.

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Around the Horn, brought to you by Clams

-I took a friend to Astral Plane a few months ago on their final weekend b/c she's a foodie and I wanted to show her one of my favorite restaurants before it closed. Well, now it's reopening-sort of.

-SInce I've been on a Canada kick lately, here's your chance to learn a little bit about Halifax. (NSFW due to cussin'). Funny stuff.

-Scientists discover 400 year old clam, which raises the question: did this clam kill Christopher Marlowe?

-The "Are they Porn Stars or Fox Business Anchors round"? (SFW) I got a 9 out of 10. Does that mean that I know my FOX anchors...or my porn?

-Coming this afternoon: my Halloween adventure (which included some jackass in a swat team outfit kicking me out of his table) and my review of Dr. Strangelove.

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October 29, 2007

Pic of last weeks winners

Well, the 5th annual Halloween Spooktacular is on the way, and I'm gonna warm you up with a few Halloween questions posted under the pics of last weeks winners. One guess per person.

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October 26, 2007

Dr. Strangelove it is!

Dr. Strangelove edged Casablanca, 22-20, and I will thus be watching it this weekend. I'll have a review early next week.

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2 1/2 hours to go, tie game

Well, things in the "What classic movie should Johnny watch this weekend?" poll are looking pretty interesting. As of this writing, we have a tie between Casablanca and Dr. Strangelove. Who's gonna take the title? We'll know at 5 p.m. In the meantime, Chip and I are finishing up a little film we worked on last week. I'll be posting the movie on Monday.

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Rock to the Raven

Edgar Allen Poe, Allen Iverson, and I all followed similar paths from the streets of Virginia to Philadelphia. And as the sole remaining torch bearer of our little triumvirate, I feel it is my duty to inform you that the band Glass Prism is performing manana at the German Society in a benefit for the EA Poe National Historic Site. They are best known for taking the poem The Raven and setting it to music. Anyway, should be a fairly intriguing Halloween party.

In the 7th grade, I memorized the entire poem The Raven for a middle school oratory contest. I got dressed up like Poe, put a plastic raven over an actual door, and performed the poem splendidly without a hitch. And when I didn't win 1st, 2nd, 3rd, or honorable mention, my mom was pissed. Especially when J.D. Outten got Honorable Mention for doing some dumb "radio broadcast with an alien" sketch. And judges, if you think that I or my mother have forgotten this little slight, you are wrong. Dead wrong.

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Around the Horn, brought to you by Menudo

-Inky scribe Inga Saffron pulls no punches when describing the hideous Symphony House on Broad Street.

-In better Broad Street news: With the 425th anniversary of William Penn coming to Philly being tomorrow, the gang decided to clean the old fella up a bit. Here's some pretty cool photos the cleaning job, including one from inside his face. Here's a bunch more photos from Philly Skyline. These are even cooler, but there are a lot more of them.

-Sugarhouse doesn't have time for community activism, democracy, etc. It needs to get people hooked on gambling right freaking now! Therefore it is suing the city to stop dilly dallying and get out of it's f****** way.

-Any Glengarry Glen Ross fans out there? If so, this is a must see. Hilarious (but Not Safe For Work!).

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October 25, 2007

What classic movie should I watch?

Trivia Art got the sweetest high def TV ever last weekend for the crib, and with the Eagles being unwatchable, I need something else to watch on that giant beauty on weekends. So I got to thinking, and realized that I have not watched a lot of the so-called "Greatest Movies Ever". I thought a good way to motivate me to do so would be to watch some of these films and write my reviews of them afterward. And I want you guys to help me figure out what to watch. So I'm posting a poll below of some great movies I've never seen. Let me know which one I should watch this weekend. I'll check the standings at 5 p.m. manana and watch the one with the most votes by then.

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Around the Horn, brought to you by the Crown Vic

-Finally, a convenient place to keep that shotgun. I'm pretty sure this is real.

-Philly gets dumped on by Sports Illustrated twice this week. First, the NBA preview issue comes out and the Sixers are declared the worst team in the Eastern Conference. Then, they do a piece on Top 10 cities in a sports slump, and Philadelphia comes in first. It's raining, we're ugly, and our sports teams suck. There's only one person that can break us out of these doldrums: Billy Ocean!

-As many of you know, I drive the sweetest ride in town, a 1997 metallic blue-green Crown Victoria. It scores me a lot of leg. But if you wanna be as awesome as me, you better hurry. They ain't gonna be makin' Crown Vics much longer.

-Manayunk is being bombarded by toolbags relieving themselves in public, proving once and for all that Manayunk is the open air outhouse of the Philadelphia Metro Area.

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October 24, 2007

A few of my favorite comments

You might be surprised to note that I read pretty much all of the comments on here. Or maybe you're not surprised to know that. After all, I am a man of leisure. I mean, what the hell else would I do with all this free time? But I have to say that one of my favorite things about this blog is the commenters. Even when the political talk gets heated, it stays moderately respectful in tone and the arguments are usually somewhat fair reasoned, even Bob T.'s. And a lot of the commenters here are pretty clever. Anyways, enough ass kissing, here are a few of my favorite posts from the past week:

-In response to the request, "Tell me some fun facts about Canada", Wes wrote: If you pull on a Canadian guinea pig's tail it's eyeballs will fall out.

-In response to the question of the week, "What 1978 Donny and Marie Osmond movie took place on Hawaii, and was a critical and financial disaster?" Anonymous wrote, Wasn't it called "No, Seriously, Marie- It's Legal in Hawaii. Now Touch It"?

-But my favorite came from Gabezilla after I said that I was rooting for the Red Sox:
Once again, Johnny, you fail to see how real life relates to the Transformers:
When we kids, we were always glad when Starscream tried to overtake the mighty Megatron, because we figured dissension was bad for the Decepticons, which was good for the Autobots, which was good for us somehow. But Starscream never did unseat Megatron, and we were all better off because Starsceam, with that obnoxious screach of a voice, was actually more dangerous and careless than Megatron. Sometime into the show's run a weird, purple character named Shockwave came around. Nobody's really sure when he came or where he came from, and because he's really quiet, no one knows much about him. He too tried to take things over, but nobody payed him any mind, even though he had almost no weaknesses. Now that the Yankees (Megatron) are out of the way (indefinitely?), you really want the Starscreaming Red Sox to be established as the new alpha at the expense of the inocuous though boring, Shockwaving Rockies? Sure they beat up the Rodimus Priming Phillies, but, as we all learned, Rodimus Prime was ill suited to wear the crown.
Say no to Starscream people, before it's too late.

-

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Cliff's Notes to this weeks Weekly

Some good stuff in this week's PW. Here's the highlights:
-Trivia Art and the lovely Ginger (aka Suzy) are both featured in the Taste Mag insert. Not online, you gotta pick up an actual copy.

-Interview with a tattoo artist that is nothing short of amazing. People in the shop tattoo a lot of male genitalia on women. Later I cover them up. Once I turned a penis into Darth Vader. The whole helmet and everything.

-Shakespeare was a perv.

-The most pathetic, most offensive block in Center City Philadelphia is no doubt the west side of 15th street between Spruce and Locust. Fox and the Hound, Buca Di Beppo, and Starbucks form a Holy Triumvirate of generic crap for popped collar douchebags and adventurous South Jerseyites who dare wander out of Old City. And the Wal-Mart of Irish restaurants, Fado, guards the corner of 15th and Locust. Well guess who owns that giant dump of a block? I'll give you a hint: They are the most hated entity in the city other than the Eagles offense. From PW:
Buca di Beppo, the offensive Italian chain on South 15th Street, is closing once a new tenant for the building is found. We say good riddance! If there’s one thing this town needs less than another Italian BYOB is another crappy chain. Of course considering the space is owned by the Philadelphia Parking Authority, another crappy chain will no doubt sidle up to take its place.

If a wildfire like the one in California struck Philadelphia, and by some queer luck destroyed only the Philadelphia Parking Authority, wouldn't that just be awful? That would just be awful.

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October 23, 2007

Around the horn, brought to you by Orko

-The best opening sentence about a tragic death ever: The deputy mayor of the Indian capital Delhi has died a day after being attacked by a horde of wild monkeys.

-Paris Hilton wants to be cryogenically frozen. Unfortunately for us, she doesn't want it to happen until she dies. Won't it be wild if there is a nuclear fallout in 2134 and it unfreezes the bodies of Ted Williams and Paris Hilton but kills everybody else? That would make for a great reality show.

-Oceania, uh, I mean Philadelphia will be putting up video cameras all over the city to catch criminals. In the city of "Private Eyes" singers Hall and Oates no less. Hmmm, Donspiracist, I think I'm onto something.

-Steve O. is going to be on the radio today between 1-2 p.m., debating Armenian genocide. He'll be on 1540 a.m., or you can listen here. Steve is apparently AGAINST genocide.

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October 22, 2007

The latest on JGT's Love Life

-First of all, I tried to meet some ladies by posting an ad on craigslist. There are going to be haters out there who say that I "fudged the facts" a tad, but I think it's a fairly honest look at myself.

-Secondly, Alycia Lane is single again. Her boyfriend, some New York broadcaster punk sissy, broke up with her because his station told him to, b/c of the whole Rich Eisen bikini flap. Wow, Alycia. You're single. I'm single. It's like the stars are lining up for us here. What the heck, let's go for it! I'm an astronaut!

-Eve, I haven't forgotten about you, girl. Listen, that thing with Alycia, that's just a friend thing. She's coming off a breakup, I'm a shoulder to cry on. That's all that is. Don't worry your pretty little eyes. You and me are forever girl. Shake that tambourine!

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October 19, 2007

Around the Horn, brought to you by Larry Dallas

-A guy goes cross country in a car in 31 hours. A cross country trip with no Detroit hookers, no JFK conspiracy theorists, and no 72 once steaks? Not interested.

-Holy cow, this dude puts the "car" in cardboard.

-Greatest reward for a stolen item ever. "The person who returns [it] is obviously the person who stole it, so they don't deserve any reward!" Name that movie.

-Any "Fish That Saved Pittsburgh" fans out there? If so, you need to see this. Insane.

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October 18, 2007

Last week's questions

Here's a few from last week. Answers after the jump. Quizzo tonight at Good Dog at 8 p.m. and Bards at 10 p.m. If you haven't already played the online quizzo, click here.

1. Due to a contract dispute with the leads, Coy and Vance became stars of this show, causing it to jump the shark.
2. Who is the only current major leaguer to have played in both a World Series game and an NCAA Final Four, as he used to back up Steve Kerr at Arizona?
3. What state had a dead animal on it's license plate from 1987 to 1999?
4. Buddha was born in an area that then belonged to India, but in what is now what country?
5. What was the subject of the documentary Triumph of the Will?
6. In what sport would you find positions such as the long-off, the fine leg, and the third man?
7. In what 1995 Hughes Brothers movie would you have found Chris Tucker?
8. This co-founder of Untied Artists was known as America's Sweetheart, though she was born in Toronto in 1892?

1. The Dukes of Hazzard
2. Kenny Lofton
3. Maine (The lobster on the plate is red, meaning it's dead.)
4. Nepal
5. The Nazis
6. Cricket
7. Dead Presidents
8. Mary Pickford

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A South Philly Legend Passes Away

Joey Bishop of the Rat Pack passed away last night. Though Bishop was born in the Bronx, he grew up in South Philadelphia and got his start on the local burlesque scene. He was the last living member of the Rat Pack. This from philly.com:
When he was 3 months old the family moved to South Philadelphia, where he attended public schools. He recalled being an indifferent student, once remarking, "In kindergarten, I flunked sand pile."

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Around the Horn, brought to you by Miss America's Box

-NBC's 10! show has long been on the cutting edge, and they kept that edge sharp during a recent show when cute co-host Lori Wilson said that Whitney Houston's "Saving All My Love For You" sounded like, "I'm Shaving Off My Muff For You". Her co-host Bill Henley has no room to talk, because on the episode of the 10! show I hosted last year, he made perhaps the funniest double entendre in the history of television.

-Last night, when I asked, "Which one is further east, Charlottetown or Niagara Falls?" Ern and a few of his pals hollered out, "Niagara Falls! Slowly I turned, and step by step, inch by inch..." A few people asked me what in the hell he was talking about. It's this, a famous old vaudeville act.

-James Watson raised quite a few eyebrows recently when he said that black people have lower IQs than white people. But when people blasted him for this theory, he was like, "Oh really, genius, well how many deoxyribonucleic acid double helix's have you figured out in your life? Because I invented that s***, son."

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October 17, 2007

Quick Quizzo Notes

-A new scoring wrinkle that will help teams in bad shape after round three was given a trial run last night and worked fairly well. We'll see it again tonight.

-Could the empire be expanding to North Broad? Stay tuned.

-Questions were pretty tough last night. Expect more of the same tonight.

-People always ask me where they have the best chance to win. It varies over the course of the year, but right now I would definitely say the Good Dog. No dominant team and a new winner nearly every week.

-Oooooh, I've got some sweet new last place prizes too.

QUIZZO TONIGHT: Locust Rendezvous 6:15 p.m.
Black Sheep 8 p.m.

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Around the Horn, Brought to you by Hockey Candy

-Cheesy chain Buca Di Beppo closing down. Nice work, Philly! But let's don't stop there. Now let's run the Olive Garden out of town. (But not Applebee's of course. Those poppers are amazing. And porterhouse steak topped with melted cheese? Brilliant.)

-More Trivia Art, this time in the Metro.

-Mitch Williams to AJ Daulerio of the Phillymag blog: Keep Curt Schilling away from this team.

-Yesterday I posted that things were going from bad to worse in Atlanta: First Joey Harrington, then TI, then the water shortage. Well, finally some good news: they're getting a WNBA team!!!

-The rankings are in, and the toolbags who fill out polls for Travel and Leisure have spoken. Philly sucks at pretty much everything, which is great. That means the squares who fill out these polls and their friends will stay away. Perfect. Oh, and we were the ugliest out of 25 cities. Um, hello. That's exactly why I moved here. In the land of trolls, I look like a prince.

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October 16, 2007

What a Short, Strange Trip It's been

D-Mac and I started out on Friday at about noon, bound for Toronto. After stopping in Old Forge for their famous pizza (their not so secret ingredient: onions), we drove hard and fast for the border. Flew past Syracuse, Rochester, and Buffalo. Were allowed into Canada and then drove by Hamilton and toward Toronto, rolling into Canada's largest city at around 9:30 p.m. Dropped our stuff off at the Comfort Inn and headed for the Players Ball. As soon as I walked in the door, I had people challenging me to money games of RPS. I walked out later that night $35 richer. The Players Club was just off of College street, and the women walking around were quite cute. After winning some money and having a few beers, I headed back to the hotel and crashed hard. Spent the next day walking around Toronto. The first thing I noticed was it's cleanliness. We were sort of wandering aimlessly and found an area that was sort of a cross between 8th and Market and 22nd and Market: A few record stores, some adult bookstores, some regular used bookstores. And even this sort of sketchy area was clean. Impressive.

That night, I dressed to the nines and headed to a bar called the Steam Whistle for the RPS World Championships. D-Mac is doing a story on it for the Philadelphia Weekly, so I won't give a whole lot of details about the RPS, but I did fall in the first round on the final throw. Very disappointing. Hung around, saw the first ever female RPS Champ get crowned (also, the most unexcited winner of $7,000 ever), got shot down by a few more Canadian women, then headed with the Philadelphia contingent to a bar called Goodtymez, which was a dive bar near our hotel.

Buffalo, Cooperstown, and lots of photos after the jump.

Went to Gretzky's on Sunday to watch the Eagles game. I assure you, it was no more exciting to watch the Eagles offense in Canada than it was in Philly. We then hit the road. Got into Buffalo at around 6:30 and headed for the Pat's of hot wings, the Anchor Bar. They claim to have invented the hot wing in 1964. They weren't the best wings I've ever had, but they were plenty good, and the old bar was a great place to watch the end of the Pats-Cowboys game. 15 wings later, it was back in the car. We drove until we hit Syracuse, where we stayed at a Best Western with the smallest swimming pool I've ever seen.

Woke up Monday and headed off to Cooperstown to see the Baseball Hall of Fame. It's a beautiful drive this time of year. The Hall of Fame was pretty great. I had hoped to run into Prime Minister Pete Nice, formerly of 3rd Bass. He currently works for the Hall of Fame. No kidding. But I didn't see him. As the cold autumn afternoon turned darker, we hit the road, stopping again in Old Forge, this time for pasta instead of pizza. Went to the highly recommended Salerno's, and the ravioli was delicious. Was really happy about the meal-until the check came. They charged us for refills of Coke. I hate it when restaurants charge you for refills and don't tell you about it. However, I still recommend the food...just don't get the soda. After that, we cruised through the mountains to Philly, listening to the Indians-Red Sox game on the radio. All told, a pretty damn good road trip.
RELATED: View Photos of the Trip.

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Arond the Horn, brought to you by a Toronto Mariachi band

-An awesome letter to the editor in last weeks Metro, after the Metro made a joke about Beanie Siegel behaving obnoxiously, acting like he was a South Jerseyite in Old City. The angry letter from a South Jersey native reads in part: For your sake, sir, we'll try to stick to our own class of people down here in the gutter. We won't force you to suffer the indignity of having to allow your eyes to fall upon such low-class trash, or god forbid, have to hear the vile conversations that fall from our mouths... On behalf of Philadelphians everywhere: Thank you.

-A guy who is running for City Council near Miami is running under a fairly astounding slogan.

-Great line from Stephen Colbert in a NY Times column about Gore's chance of the presidency: ...winning the Nobel Prize does not automatically qualify you to be commander in chief. I think George Bush has proved definitively that to be president, you don’t need to care about science, literature or peace.

-Just when you thought that Joey Harrington was Atlanta's biggest problem, along comes this: Downtown Atlanta is about to run out of water. See, T.I. was just stocking up on guns for the coming apocalypse.

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Mornin'

Got back in to Philly last night. Will have full details of the trip this afternoon, after I write my Metro column. In the meantime, do some reading on the Cardiff Giant, which I was in the same town as yesterday (Cooperstown) but didn't get to see. Today was the day the Giant was discovered in 1869.

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October 15, 2007

Good Morning from Surprising Syracuse!

Well, an interesting weekend, to say the least. I'll have more details and a lot of photos a little later. Currently in Syracuse, getting ready for the highlight of the trip: going to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Can't wait. Haven't been since I was 10 years old. Anyways, I'm gonna post pics of last weeks winners and the questions under them will be about people who went to Syracuse or who lived there. One guess per person.

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October 12, 2007

Wish Me Skill!

I'm off to Toronto for the World RPS Championships. I'm really feeling good. This could be my weekend. I'll have some pics of the craziness up sometime on Sunday or Monday. In the meantime, check out Rock Paper Saddam and PLAY THE NEW ONLINE QUIZZO!

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October 11, 2007

New Online quizzo is up!

Hey gang, the new MyFoxPhilly Quizzo Spectacular just got posted! Go check it out! If you like it, please tell a friend! I think this thing has a lot of potential, but I need your help to get the word out. Oh, and let me know how you score on this one. I think it's a little harder than the first one.

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What should I do in toronto?

I'm only gonna be there a couple of days, and part of that time will be roshamboing, but are there any sights, restaurants, etc. that I need to check out? I've never been. Post below.

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Dinosaur Sex

Everybody has been asking me lately about dinosaur sex. And by "everybody" I mean nobody. So I'll share with you what I know. First, an answer from the straight dope. But wait, it gets better. I stumbled onto a forum of a site called askabiologist.com, where I suspect most of the questions are like, "Why do turtles have shells?" But on this forum, things got a little wild, and the next thing you know, biologists are debating each other about dinosaur sex. Why are there no TV shows where scientists debate each other about dinosar sex? Who wouldn't watch that?
RELATED: Cosmos magazine teaches us more in an article titled Tyrannosaurus Sex.

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October 10, 2007

Johnny Learns A Valuable Lesson

This is what happens when you bet on Philadelphia sports teams. The thrift store didn't have any bathing suits, so I had to go with lingerie in Colorado Rockie purple. I had a few people drive by and tell me to do unholy things to myself, and received a number of middle fingers, but for the most part people just assumed that I had lost a bet. (In case you can't read it, the sign says "Los Rockies son muy bueno!" To see the larger version, click on the photo). For the Pat's photo (taken with a different hat) click below.

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Around the Horn, Food edition

-Tried out with Cafe Lift on Sunday with Trivia Art (and a couple of beautiful women who only like us as friends). It was a terrific brunch (Get the french toast!) and Art gave 'em some love in his Bite column in the Metro.

-Michael Klein has a quiz in which he asks if you know what the spots containing popular restaurants used to be. Here's the answers.

-The Philly foie gras debate just went big time. TIME Magazine weighs in on it. .

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Heading to South Philly soon

Still looking for a photog, but if worse comes to worse, I might just have to ask a stranger. Been working on posters all morning. Crafts are harder than I remembered. Anyways, I'll keep ya updates, and humiliating photos will hopefully be up by this afternoon. If not, then certainly tomorrow morning.

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October 9, 2007

Manana's the Day

A bet's a bet, so tomorrow, I will make my trek to Pat's and Geno's to be photographed in the woman's bathing suit. Thanks Phillies. It will have to be during the day, so anyone who is free and wants to be the official photographer for this occasion should contact me. In return for your services, I will buy you a cheesesteak.

A couple of other things coming up that aren't remarkably humiliating: A new quizzo on MyFoxPhilly coming in the next day or two, as well as a new rant from the Donspiracist. Also, have a contest we'll be kicking off manana. Be sure to check back.

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JGT Heads to Toronto

I'm going international, homies. That's right, I'm headed to Toronto this Friday. Why? To compete in the Rock Paper Scissors World Championship. As most of you know, I am both hated and feared in the local RPS community, having won the City League Championship in 2006 and finishing in the Final Four in 2007. I am quite confident I will win on Saturday, and have already spent the $7,000 awarded to the victor.

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Ridiculous

Remember when you were at the Kimmel Center and you were watching the orchestra and you were like, "The flute player is alright, but he'd be better if he could beatbox."? Then this jam is for you.

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October 8, 2007

Around the Horn, Sexy Time edition!

-"The Genius Factory" caused quite a furor when it came out a couple of years ago, and I've just started reading it. So far, it's great, and I thought you guys might wanna learn a little bit about the Nobel Prize Sperm Bank. Here's an article in the Guardian about the resulting children by the guy that wrote the book.

-Congratulations South Korean men! Apparently, your penises have been growing in leaps and bounds! In an article about condom firms, a chief of one of the big firms (ahem) in South Korea stated, "The size of South Korean condoms now meets international standards, helped by an increase in the size of men's penises here." My question is, who's doing all the measuring?

-Redefining rock bottom, Britney's VMA performance will soon no longer be her most embarrassing video. Her home was burglarized recently: The burglars are believed to have made off with Britney's collection of raunchy homemade sex tapes as well as a selection of the singer's steamiest photographs. Some of the uniforms Britney allegedly wears for kinky sex games were also taken. Article here. A lot of people think I'm celibate because nobody wants to hook up with me, but that's simply not true. I just don't want to make a bunch of raunchy sex tapes and steamy photos only to have them fall into the wrong hands.

-In honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, filmthreats.com is honoring the 50 greatest breasts in cinematic history.

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Happy Mass Murdering Slave Trader Day!

The most absolutely appalling holiday in America is today, as we celebrate one of the most evil men to ever walk the planet. Columbus Day is an embarrasment. From American Heritage:
Columbus led an expedition against the defenseless Indians that was incredibly savage in its slaughter of the naked islanders and destruction of their villages. The heavily armed Europeans were accompanied by ferocious greyhounds each of which, Las Casas wrote, “in an hour … could tear 100 Indians to pieces because all the people of this island had the custom of going … nude from head to foot.” Many people were taken alive, and five hundred were sent as slaves to be sold in Castile...Today the Arawak community of peoples, those “innocents” of Father Las Casas, who once inhabited in such numbers the larger islands of the Caribbean and who welcomed the white men to the New World, has vanished from the West Indies.

When Columbus first arrived in the West Indies, he wrote to the Queen: "So tractable, so peaceable, are these people, that I swear to your Majesties there is not in the world a better nation. They love their neighbors as themselves, and their discourse is ever sweet and gentle, and accompanied with a smile; and though it is true that they are naked, yet their manners are decorous and praiseworthy." Within months, he was cutting off their hands if they couldn't find him gold and killing their babies and cooking them on spits to teach these people a lesson about respect. And yet, five years ago, George W. Bush issued a presidential proclamation celebrating "Columbus' Bold Expedition and pioneering achievements", a presidential order to celebrate genocide, greed, and evil. Of course, with the legalization of 15th century torture techniques and "shock and awe" to teach respect as two of his administration's legacies, maybe that shouldn't be so surprising.
RELATED: Here's a pretty good comparison of Columbus to Heinrich Himmler.

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October 5, 2007

Goodtimes Chokes in Choker Column

Yep, I accidentally used the word 'benevolent' when referring to Hitler when that was not what I meant. (Read column here). Fortunately, a very friendly lady pointed out my mistake in a "Letter to the Editor" and in doing so, only called me "stupid" like three or four times. Apparently, despite her excellent vocabulary, the only words she knows for unintelligent are "stupid" and "dumb". It's probably because all of the people she hangs out with are sheer, mistake-free geniuses so that she never has to use words that mean "unintelligent".

And it wasn't my fault. I had initially written "tyrannical dictator", but Charlie Manuel replaced "tyrannical" with "benevolent" in the fourth inning!

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Like Whoa

This is beyond belief. This guy named John Wood lost his leg in a plane crash, but decided to hold onto it. He kept it in the freezer a while, but then decided to put it in his grill in storage. Well, when he fell behind in his payments, the grill was sold. The guy who bought the grill, Shannon Whisnant, is no dummy. He realized that a human leg inside a grill is his key to fame and fortune, so now he won't give the leg back. Shannon gave the leg to a local funeral home, but is still charging people to look inside the grill where the leg used to be! He is charging adults three dollars and children one dollar. What a deal for the kids! Shannon understands that the children are the future, show them grills and let them lead the way. Show 'em where there used to be a leg inside. Give them a sense of pride!
UPDATE: John got the leg back! Hooray for justice!

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October 4, 2007

The bet

As every woman I've ever hit on knows, I was a dolphin trainer in Hawaii for 3 years. While living in Hawaii, I was good friends with another trainer named Justin from Denver. And when the Broncos went to the Super Bowl against the Falcons in '99, he needed someone to bet against. Well, we were pretty sauced by kickoff, so I told him that if he gave me the points I would bet him. The deal: loser had to write the winning teams name in the black lava with coral rocks...while wearing a woman's bathing suit. Needless to say, I lost (above).

Well Justin and I have remained friends through the years, and when the matchup of Rockies-Phillies came up, I got a phone call. The deal breaks down thusly: If the Phillies win, he has to stand on the side of the road and write "Phillies #1" in coral rock while wearing a woman's bathing suit. If the Rockies win, I have to hold up a sign in front of Pat's and Geno's that read's "Rockies Rule" while wearing a woman's bathing suit. In other words, if the Phillies lose this series, I'm going to get my ass kicked in front of Pat's and Geno's. Today's game is a must win.

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Awesome

Today in Dan Gross's column he talks about a couple of people I've never heard of breaking off their engagement. Ok, sure, but then there is this: The pair had dated several years and were engaged in March on the Wachovia Center court during a Sixers/Celtics game when Bell was to interview the winner of a mascot race and the winning mascot pulled off his helmet and proposed to her. Awesome! Fair warning to any female who thinks she has a chance to marry me: If I ever ask you to go on a trip to Milwaukee, then we go to a baseball game, then I excuse myself, and then you see a giant chorizo running towards you with a rose and tiny black box in his hand, prepare to say "yes". Or, even better, "no". Because there is nothing funnier than a heartbroken chorizo.

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Mmmm, MInd Erasers

Yeah, Tuesday got a little wild, but I did only end up doing one mind eraser, and a few more shots. But I was able to get out of bed before 3 p.m. the next day. The Narcotyzing Dysfunktion, meanwhile, had been saving up gift certificates for like a year and spent, I think, $560 worth of gift certificates Tuesday night. Pretty incredible. I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw a few of them with a decent buzz.

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October 3, 2007

Things we learned last week

1. What was the name of Will Smith's first solo album?

2. J-Roll became the 3rd shortstop in MLB history to record 30 homers and 30 stolen bases in a season. One is still a ML star, the other one retired in 2004 after playing for the same team for 19 years. Who are they?

3. This future president was an illiterate tailor in Tennessee in the 1820s when his future wife taught him how to write.

4. In what important document would you find the words, "We pledge to each other our lives, our fortunes, and our sacred honor"?
a) Declaration of Independence b) Gettysburg Address c) Magna Carta d) US Constution

5. How far is it from the bowling foul line to the front pin?
a) 50 feet b) 60 feet c) 70 feet d) 80 feet

6. In this popular Nintendo game, Bill Rizer and Lance Bean fight Red Falcon terrorists on the island of Galuga.

1. Big Willie Style
2. A-Rod, Barry Larkin
3. Andrew Johnson
4. Declaration of Independence
5. Answer B: 60 feet
6. CONTRA

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Around the Horn, brought to you by Grover Cleveland

-Rush Limbaugh calls soldiers who don't support the war "phony soldiers". What does that make people who get out of fighting because they have a cyst on their ass?

-Alyssa Milano says she's done dating athletes, I have not played organized sports since I was 18; she was on "Who's the Boss, I used to watch "Who's the Boss"; she was in "Poison Ivy", poison ivy gives me a terrible rash; Hmmmm, I hate to use the term "match made in heaven" but I think we may be on to something here.

-George Bush, in an effort to get his approval ratings under 25%, vetoes a bill that would help the poor get healthcare. \

-Chip Chantry tonight at Helium. 8 p.m. Be there.

-Attention bars: If you plan on carrying today's game, please CUT OFF THE CLOSED CAPTIONING! I mean, if someone deaf comes in the bar, sure, you can cut it back on, but otherwise, keep it off! Nobody cares what the morons calling the game say, especially if the words are blocking the action on the screen, which they always do. Man, that drives me crazy!

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October 2, 2007

Steve-O parties with LA, Hugh, the Phanatic and Mitch Williams on a bus

Only in Philadelphia would a guy who impersonates the head football coach hang out on a bus with Mitch Williams, Hugh Douglas, and the baseball team's mascot. I still don't think I understand where the hell they were going, just cruising around South Philly on a bus. I mean, what??? Here's Steve-O's report (That's him, above, with LA's NLCS ring). This is pretty insane.

Last night was Comcast Sportsnet's 10th anniversary special at Chickie's and Pete's in South Philly. The place was full of Philadelphia sports personalities and I was invited there to participate in the live broadcast of "Monday Night Live". I was there as part of the cast of the Eagles documentary film "Green Fans". Other fans included "helmet man", "cheesesteak man", "Tattoo man" - it was like a dysfunctional Ocean's 11/Island of Misfit Toys/SuperPhriends. Our Superpower? Strong Spelling ability.

There was a VIP party in the back, but the real fun was on the "Scotty Express" - one of the premier Eagles tailgating group buses. Once the players, broadcasters, etc., left the VIP party, we guided them towards the bus for some drinks and Philly sports talk.

Each time one of the name guys would get on the bus, we would joking yell, "Lock the doors! Let's get moving"!!!!

Some of the more notable names to hang with us on the bus:

Mitch Williams - was in awe of the bus and called Philly fans the best fans ever. When we were taking group pictures, I suggested we should exercise terrible aim and capture shots of our feet as a tribute. He found that pretty funny.

Phillie Phanatic - Well he has no real mouth, so there was no drinking. Just the usual craziness he brings to the table. He has serious ADHD.

Bob Kelly - Former Flyers legend of the 70s. Not very amused when I yelled out, "Hey. It's Charlie Manuel".

Ike Reese and Hugh Douglas - both are still baffled about the lack of adjustments made during the Eagles game to help Winston Justice.

Steve Coates - Flyers play-by-play announcer. Fun guy.

Gary Matthews - Drinking water when we saw him last night. Very uncharacteristic if you knew of some of the legendary stories involving him as a 1983 Phillie.

Larry Andersen - I've hung out with him before. But for most of the guys on the bus, it was their first time. At first he was reluctant to get on the bus, and wanted to make sure we were all Phils fans too (which we all are).

He had plenty to say about this bunch of Phillies. He is still in awe of how they put it together. Along with Mitch and Sarge, he gave tons of credit to Uncle Charlie. He said other managers would never have been able to weather the storm from early this year. He said that he likes Eskin, but that Charlie woulda taken Eskin out if they had fought. We were going crazy when he said that.

We also celebrated seeing all the Mets fans in tears.

Then LA, Mitch and our group started singing High Hopes (seems like we only knew the one line about apple pie in the sky). LA knew the whole song and as we all started drinking, we suddenly hear him singing the 2nd verse (and possibly 3rd).

It was a good night. People are pumped about the Phillies.

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October 1, 2007

Wow

Watching the Padres-Rockies game and a promo comes on for NBC10's local news team. After the usual stuff about fires and weather, all of a sudden the cheesy announcer dude says in his serious voice, "A psychic poodle...a deadly message. Exclusively on NBC." Wow, I bet FOX and KYW are just kicking themselves or not being able to land the psychic poodle story.

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Pics of the winners

Gonna post pics of the winners of last weeks quizzo with questions about the Phillies underneath. One guess per person.

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Around the Horn, brought to you by your 2007 New York Mets!!!

-I used to hang out with these guys, the Tangled Thoughts, a few years ago when they still lived in Philly, and used to watch them at Abilene's. Well, things have taken off since they moved to Cali. They got hooked up with Kurupt and just released their first album. Here's a few tunes they have on Myspace. I like "Jumpoff".

-The Metro launched their new blog, Metropolis, today.

-Rudy Giuliani is going to eat at Geno's tonight to show his support for racism. If anybody wants to go and chant, "Gen-O-pho-bic! (clap-clap, clap-clap-clap) Gen-O-pho-bic!" give me a holler. I'm down.

-Have you heard of Pricasso? The artist who paints portraits with his, um, manhood? (This is SFW, but if your boss walks by he's going to think you are kind of insane.)

-Steve O. is gonna be playing Andy Reid on Comcast Sportsnite at 7:30 p.m. and 11 p.m. After last night's game, I think this could be a great opportunity to see Steve O. get beat up on television.

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Going to CIty Hall

Yo, I'm gonna check out the rally at City Hall. It'll be a little different than the impromptu celebration we had on Broad yesterday (more on that later), but it'll still be fun. I'll be back this afternoon to do my write up about what was an incredible weekend of celebration, heartbreak, and finally euphoria in the middle of Broad Street. Oh, and if anybody wants to see me follow through on a dreadful bet, be at the Bards tomorrow night. I have to drink Mind Erasers. I told the Kingdom I would never drink another one unless the Phils went to the playoffs.

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September 28, 2007

Closing remarks

If you haven't played the new online quizzo, check it out! If you have played it, please tell your friends. I think I have an opportunity to really do some fun stuff here, but I really need you guys to help me promote it. I greatly appreciate your help. Should have a new one up next week.

Also, I'm going to the Phils games tonight and tomorrow. Neither is an afternoon special, so they should be OK. Right? We sweep and we're in, and we can celebrate with an Eagles win over the Giants on Sunday night. Fellas, the fact is that you will not be leaving the couch or bar stool all weekend, so you're gonna have to agree to take the little lady out somewhere real nice next week. I suggest Chili's. And to show her how much you care, give her the gift that lasts forever: plastic roses.

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Thank you Lazaro's

The good guys at Lazaro's hooked it up a couple of weeks ago. We had an open house for the basketball Little League at my YMCA (if anyone is interested in volunteering or donating funds, jerseys, etc., let me know), and the guys at Lazaros (17th and South) gave us a great deal on pizza. Thanks guys! And keep up the good work.

Posted at 4:06 PM | Email to a friend | Comments (1)

Holy Crap

How could we let this happen? I had no idea that when I called the Liberty Bell overrated it would lead to something like this. I can't believe they gave the damn thing to Bono. I mean, give it to like, Jimmy Rollins, sure, I can live with that. But Bono? (CNN actually had posted this headline last night at about 7:30 p.m.)

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September 27, 2007

Dock Street

Just joined the lovely Ginger for a little lunch at Dock Street Brewery (50th and Baltimore) and like whoa, the pizza there is off the chain. Get the BBQ chicken pizza, I'm telling you, peoples. The Pumpkin beer was pretty good too (No, I won't be sloppy at quizzo tonight, I only had one.) Then, because I was hanging with beer royalty (Ginger) I got to go back to the brewery and try out their coffee stoudt which they haven't put on tap yet. Delicious. I know the pizza hunt fizzled, but I still know my pizza, and trust me, this wood oven pizza is top notch.

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Phils notes: Look out, Mr. Met!

-Apparently in an effort to escape reality, Philly fans have taken to huffing nitrous in the parking lot. I did a nitrous balloon once in college, then went to a Phish show, because hey, there's no way you can watch that boring ass band without the help of illegal drugs. But the buzz wears off in like 30 seconds, and then you're just stuck watching a Phish show with less brain cells and all the boredom.

-When the Mets were up 6-2, I said, "If they blow this game, the Phils are gonna win the division." The Mets blew it, and I stand by my statement. I really think we could be seeing a 1964 type meltdown. I think there is a chance the Mets don't make the playoffs. Here's a little gem from Paul Lo Duca: “It seems to me we’re all waiting to lose. It better change quick or in five days we’re all going to be home for the winter. You can’t play the game that way. It’s like a broken record every game.”

-If you missed the video I posted yesterday, then be sure to watch before tonight's game to get fired up.

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September 26, 2007

Around the Horn, brought to you by the cast of 21 Jump Street

-Trivia Art in today's Metro.

-Me (briefly) in the Metro sports section today.

-Congrats Vesuvio! Their Cheesesteak BLT was named the best sandwich in America!

-This from Dan Gross's column: Atlanta Braves hurler John Smoltz and a pal lunched at City Tavern (138 S. 2nd) yesterday on artichoke and smoked chicken salad and a turkey pot pie. Hahaha! Smoltz ordered the Martha Washington Turkey Pot Pie, the biggest ripoff on the menu! I know, because I used to...um, uh, nevermind.

-I missed this the when it was on ESPN a while back, but saw it yesterday and it is awesome. An absolute must see for Philly sports fans. (The first minute is kind of slow, but after that it is awesome.)

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September 24, 2007

The birthday of one of the greatest ever

Today is the 111th birthday of one the true masters of the English language, F. Scott Fitzgerald. His short stories about the jazz age are, to me, as close as one can get to an actual time machine, and the skill he showed while crafting his first novel at age 24, This Side of Paradise, is astounding. And as far as I'm concerned, The Great Gatsby has only to compete with Huckleberry Finn as The Great American Novel. His real life was every bit as exciting and heartbreaking as the lives of the characters in his books. Here's some good places to go to read and learn more about this great writer:

-Here's a brief biography of F. Scott.

-One of his wonderful short stories, The Offshore Pirate.

-A fascinating look at F. Scott's wife, Zelda, who was the first lady of the Jazz Age, but who slipped slowly into insanity as she got older, and died in a mental institution.

-An interesting look at the rivalry that formed between Fitzgerald and Hemingway, as Hemingway became jealous of Fitzgerald's success, and blasted him repeatedly in print.

-A recent review of The Great Gatsby by Washington Post book critic Jonathon Yardley.

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September 21, 2007

THis weekend

Damn, not only is Biz Markie DJing tomorrow night at Fluid, but Reef the Lost Cauze is gonna be opening for Pharaoh Monch at the Troc. Slammin'! On top of that, several quizzo legends are celebrating birthdays this weekend. Rakim from the Axis of Evil Knieval and Chill Rob A from MAGMA both celebrate b-days. And Bob T.'s dream girl, the femme fatale known in quizzo circles as Smackdown (above,), turns the big 3-0. Happy birthday, all!

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September 20, 2007

Philly History is Fun!

-The history of the soft pretzel in Philly. (Skip the first paragraph, since the 2nd one just repeates it.)

-This one is more Pennsylvania history than Philly history, but still. It was on this day in 1737 that the Lenape Indians were swindled out of lots of land in Eastern Pennsylvania. Here's how they got hosed.

-A short write up about the Click Club, which was located at Palumbo's, the legendary South Philly club at 824 Catherine that burned down in 1994.

-Staying in South Philly, here's a little column on Ralph's, the 100+ year old Italian restaurant on 9th and Fitzwater.

Oh, and can someone explain the above photo to me? I've had a bit of a cold the last few days, so I might be a little groggy, but looks to me like their are two city halls in the photo, one with Billy Penn and one without. What am I missing here?

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The Donspiracist Presents: CIA Mind Control

I never would have agreed to the formulation of the Central Intelligence Agency back in forty-seven, if I had known it would become the American Gestapo.
~ Harry S Truman, 1961

I start off with this quote because this column is about the CIA's war on us, the American people. It all started, some say, with Operation Paperclip, a US government program to liberate scientists from Nazi Germany. These are the same Nazi scientists that worked in camps like Auschwitz, experimenting on prisoners as if they were lab animals. The official line on the project says it involved mostly specialists in rocketry, engineering, and physics, but the truth is more sinister. Mind control involving hypnosis and radiation have been proven techniques used by Nazi scientists, and MK-Ultra has its roots with these German scientists.
MK-Ultra was (is?) a top secret CIA program begun sometime in the late 1940's or early 1950's. The exact dates vary depending on the source. It evolved from an earlier project called Bluebird, that was started as a reaction to Russian brainwashing techniques. However, MK-Ultra went far beyond psychological warfare with our enemies. Sometime in the early 1950's, the experimental focus shifted to the unwitting American public.

The most famous association with MK-Ultra was its use of LSD and other hallucinogens. Ken Kesey participated in these experiments at the Veteran's Hospital in Menlo Park, California sometime around 1959-60. The experience not only gave him the inspiration for One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, but it also started him on his LSD journey, which is chronicled in Tom Wolfe's The Electric Kool Aid Acid Test. However, if that's all there was to the story--that secret government experiments lead to the flowering of 1960's drug culture--then there would be little point for this column.

Officially, MK-Ultra was ended in 1977. But many contend that was simply a spin move by the CIA to take attention off its deepening interest in complete control over human minds. The evidence has begun to emerge, primarily through survivors of the experiments, that suggests that the program still exists underground.
The most famous survivor is Kathy O'Brien, who wrote of her experience in Trance: Formation of America, co-authored with deprogrammer Mark Phillips. The book can be described as perhaps the oddest and most disturbing book I have ever read. Kathy's experiences involve many of our most recent presidents, most notably Ford, Reagan, George H.W. Bush, and Clinton, plus also notable figures like Dick Cheney and Senator Robert Byrd, who O'Brien claims was her "owner". Her story is a tale of mind control via drugs, hypnosis, shock therapy, electro-magnetic radiation, and neuro-linguistic programming (NLP), and her enslavement involved emotional, physical, verbal and sexual abuse of the most horrific kind.
Cathy claims to be a survivor of Monarch mind control programming, an off shoot of MK-Ultra, which controls humans by creating Multiple Personality Disorder. The process involves torture of young children, who disassociate from the trauma, thus creating alternate personalities, or "alters", which can handle such horrific things. Once programmed, the alters can be accessed through verbal triggers; on the surface, however, the main personality will look and act like anyone else.
I was particularly intrigued by O'Brien's revelations that popular children's stories, most notably The Wizard of Oz and Alice in Wonderland, are often used to program children. One fascinating (and horrific) site explaining these techniques is this one. The site discusses how many suggest that L. Frank Baum, the author of the Oz series, was active in the occult, and how the books are used to program children at a very young age. Tin Man programming, for instance, is often mentioned by O'Brien. It attempts to create an alter that is basically a human machine, a human without a heart.
If even a fragment of Cathy O'Brien's story is true, the implications are staggering. It means that the world is not like we have been taught. It means that a real streak of evil is running through at least some of our elected officials. It means that slavery has not been eradicated, but has gone high tech and underground. But don't just take Cathy's word for it.

Brice Taylor, author of Starshine, says this: It is always hard for me to go back into this, it seems that no matter how many years go by, it is still very painful. There was trauma done in the form of being stuck with pins and needles, being burned, hung by my feet - sometimes to crosses, spun, dropped off a table as an infant, near drowning, sexual abuse and orgies, being drugged, food and sleep deprivation, and then adding to that when I was around five, was all of the military mind control that was done with very sophisticated instrumentation and chairs and electroshock ... That was all done to create a shattered psyche that I believe was used later for all these different personalities that were created for the mind control purpose .
There is also this survivor story: Mind-control survivor K. Sullivan has written an astounding book called MK, which describes the world of multiple personalities. To her credit, Sullivan has been able to reconstruct from her memories the actual mechanics and methodology of going from one altered state to another. A programmed assassin and sex slave, Sullivan says she was abused and raped by Robert Maxwell, Henry Kissinger, George Bush and Billy Graham, among others. One of her controllers was deceased CIA operative James Jesus Angleton, who has been widely regarded as a KGB and Mossad asset.
In a recent interview, Sullivan spoke about her background as a "family-generational slave" to the elite and about her stepfather, now deceased, who was initially her primary programmer. His cover was a church-going, upstanding citizen, a professional mechanical and systems engineer with a curious interest in robotics.
Even more interesting than that, there are the following videos from YouTube, which were taken during congressional testimony in 1995:
Link One: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=F-ES8Bv0_8w&mode=related&search
Link Two: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=eXDASDDrDkM&mode=related&search
Link Three: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=iflBkRlpRy0&mode=related&search

Most of us don't want this to be true because it violates our most basic beliefs about civilization, government and society. In order to keep ourselves sane, we need to believe that the monstrous is either conquerable, as in the case of Hitler, or is simply nothing more than myth or story designed to scare us, as in fairy tales. But the growing body of evidence coming out from survivors is remarkably consistent, and it suggests that the true horror of our world is not in our stories, but what is happening right under our noses.
MK-Ultra did exist. Monarch mind control is a real phenomenon. Irrefutable proof of the existence of both exists. But how widespread are they? And are they still going on? The answers to those questions fades in the paper trail that largely was destroyed in the mid-1970's. Do we believe the survivors? Or do we simply label them as disturbed, deranged, crazy? Do we simply accuse them of false memory syndrome and go back to our sane, civilized, decent lives? I don't know about you, but this stuff gives me nightmares. And I'm not normally prone to those.

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September 19, 2007

It's the most wonderful time of the year

Today is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. I highly suggest pirate team names tonight at quizzo. In the meantime, find out what your pirate name is. Mine is Mad Tom Vane. And so you know what your working with, I highly recommend that you watch the Pirate convention.

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September 18, 2007

Feedback on Overrated/Underrated Column

I've gotten some interesting feedback on the overrated/underrated column I did last week for the Metro. Almost immediately, I got an email from the Rangers at the Independence Park: As park rangers at Independence National Historical Park, we feel you are mistaken in under rating the Liberty Bell. While we acknowledge that the bell does not work, a few months ago you stated the bell brought you to tears. What happened to those sentiments? The bell is not important because it is old and cracked. Rather, the bell is important because it has been used throughout history to make society better for everyone. It is okay the bell does not ring, because what you hear you forget. What you see you remember. What you experience, you understand! OK, I have to admit that it is pretty awesome that the guys who look over the bell are this passionate about it. That is extremely kool.

My grandmom also wasn't real happy about my treatment of the bell: Sweetheart, The Liberty Bell is not supposed to work; you know it is a reminder FOR THE TIME WHEN IT DID WORK...I thought you liked History. What happened between you and the Liberty Bell?

The Metro also got a letter from a reader who said this: How can anything that stands for the struggle of freedom and liberty in our nation and across the world ever be overrated? I don't think you truly understand the meaning behind this symbol...Anyone that would think of this symbol of the struggle for liberty and freedom, (from slavery to womens suffrage to WWI, WWII, the Civil Rights Movement and beyond), is underrated obviously takes for granted the hard work of generations before us.

OK, in my defense: underrating the Liberty Bell because it doesn't work was a joke. As many of you know from my earlier column, I am a big fan of the Liberty Bell. Me and the Liberty bell are totally kool. In fact, who is this calling me now? Why, it's my good friend the Liberty Bell!

To see JGT get ripped by Holly of Hollyeats, click below.

On to the cheesesteak. I got slammed on egullet by Holly of the excellent food website, hollyeats.com. He writes: This whole "icky cheesesteak served by mean person" thing is getting rather tiresome. If one can not handle the wiz and the attitude, go home and make a bologna and mayonaise sandwich on Wonder Bread.

Fair criticism, but I still think that Pat's needs to step their game up. I have never been a big fan of Geno's, and after the owner embarrassed the city last summer, I swore the place off forever. But Pat's used to be excellent, and the last couple of times it hasn't been as good. As for my bologna and Mayonnaise sandwich on Wonder bread, it is way underrated.

I also got the following haiku from a reader named Beth, who was displeased with my cheesesteak mention:
Philly fills my heart.
Cheesesteaks fill my arteries.
I love them, fiercely.

Excellent work, Beth. Be sure to stay tuned. The 3rd annual JGT Haiku contest is right around the corner!

Finally, PalestraJon actually got a little love from PhillyMag blogger AJ Daulerio for his entry in the overrated/underrated comments section. Btw, the blog Daulerio is doing for Philly Mag is actually hip and fun, making it seem so...un-Philly Maggish.

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The Jackass had it coming

Sorry, but I can't say that I'm all that upset about that douchebag that got tasered at the John Kerry speech. He was an obnoxious ass who kept running from the cops and then screaming "What am I doing?" You're resisting arrest, dumbass. Now take your medicine. ZAP! I'm just hoping that we can hire those cops who have no patience for douchebags to start patrolling Manaynk.

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Don't WOrry! He's Safe!

Rumors were bandied about that K-Fed was going to be assassinated, but apparently this so called killer was no Gavrilo Princip. Hell, he was not even a Leon Czolgosz. Listen to me, potential killer, and listen real good: You lay one finger on Kevin, and it's going to be you and me, bub. And trust me, you don't want that. Not at all. You are Playing With Fire, Buster. Playing With Fire.
UPDATE: Suspect named! (NSFW due to cussin')

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September 17, 2007

Reef the Lost Cauze on ESPN tonight

A great song by impressive local rapper Reef the Lost Cauze called The Sound of Philadelphia will be played tonight on ESPN Monday Night Countdown. Peep it! 7 p.m. tonight on ESPN.
RELATED: The Sound of Philadelphia.
We respect guns, we respect funds
Let's face it..my future don't look like the Jetsons
Brilliant line.
RELATED: Speaking of rap, the Diabolical Biz Markie DJs Saturday at Fluid. I am so there. And while Just a Friend is still a fun song, it's no Vapors.

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The weekend

Alright, alright, I'm working on the week in review now. I know, I know, but the first fall weekend was great for napping, not for getting work done. So I laid on the couch and watched football and baseball essentially all weekend (best game: Alabama vs. Arkansas). And I went to King Tut. It was pretty good but I think it's lame when, after you've already paid $32.50, they charge you $6 for a set of headsets, so you appear either a) cheap if you don't get them or b) anti-social if you do. I think you guys know which choice I went with. Oh, come on, not because I'm cheap, because I'm social. And when the whole image of King Tut is that headdress thing, and that is even what they are advertising it with, it is a bit disappointing when that thing is nowhere to be seen.

Also went bowling on Saturday. Much better deal than King Tut. Ten bucks all you can bowl, though you do have to deal with a lot more hipsters than you have to deal with at Tut (I think me and the Sofa Kingdom guys were the only people there without tattoos, ironic eyewear, and painted on jeans). More importantly, I bowled my best game in years, a 133. I was pretty psyched about that. And, having matured in the last 6 months, there were no a) keg stands or b) temper tantrums. A very grown up performance by me.

In sports, I will be talking about the Phils this afternoon. And my fantasy team played against Carson Palmer this week, and he outscored my entire team.
ALSO: Will you people freaking vote already? Seriously, only 47 votes, and 11 of those are Steve O. voting for himself.

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September 14, 2007

Bowling on Saturday

Well, the Mission 300 crew is back at it; after all the mission for a 300 has thus far been a failure, though there has been a lot of fun in trying to get the perfect game. Anyways, bowling in South Philly on Saturday night, and all you can drink for $10? Easily the best deal in town. And I know how cheap you people are (not me. I'll be arriving at the bowling alley after ordering a "Biggie Size" meal at Le Bec Fin). If you wanna guarantee a spot, click here and order from our friends over at Badminton Stamps. Tix online are $10, they're $15 at the door. Details are as follows:
St. Monica's Parish
16th and Shunk
10 p.m.-???
MIssion 300 On Myspace
RELATED: JGT goes bowling, and gives a short history lesson about the sport.
RELATED: Mission 300 gets some love from Philly Weekly.

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Kickass

First off, this is kind of gory, so you probably don't wanna watch from work. But the Nike commercial with Stephen Jackson got me totally fired up about the movie the music came from, Last of the Mohicans. I watched it for the first time when I was a freshman in college with the girl I was dating at the time, Nikki Santos (her current status: married w/ three kids). A couple of summers later, me and two of my buddies on the Shore, Rob and Pete, hung out just about every night and drank cold beverages on a dock at a place called Red Bank. Then, before calling it a night, we'd swing by Pete's place and watch the final ten minutes of this movie, because they were so badass. We must have watched it 40 times, and we were all three in love with Jodhi May (the one on the cliff). Yeah, boring story, I know, but the bottom line is, if you haven't watched Last of the Mohicans yet, I highly recommend it. Oh, and Magua is one of the most underrated bad guys ever.

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September 13, 2007

Around the Horn, brought to you by Phillies fans at last nights game

-This is AWESOME. You can try to hold farcical "closed door public meetings", but in the end, Democracy rules! Ok, fine, in the end big money rules, but being a dreamer has its perks.

-You know what the terrorists need? Better logos.

-If a head falls in the woods, and no-one is around to hear it fall...

-No sooner do I call Donovan McNabb underrated than the Onion goes with this story.

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September 12, 2007

What we learned last week

1. When Israel's first president died in 1952, this man was offered the position, but turned it down.
2. Australia, Brazil, and New Zealand all have this constellation on their national flags.
3. What state capital is named after a German chancellor?
4. Who was shot and killed William McKinley by on this date in 1901?
5. The title of what play do essentially all performers consider unlucky to say at the theatre

Answers and interesting facts about each after the jump.

1. Albert Einstein. Here's a brief Time article from 1952 about the offer. Einstein gave a great answer as to why he couldn't do it: "I have neither the natural ability nor the experience to deal with human beings."
2. Southern Cross. Here's what those flags look like.
3. Bismarck. The city was named after the chancellor in 1873, in an effort to attract German settlers. The campaign was unsuccessful, but gold was found the next year, bringing plenty of people to the city.
4. Leon Czolgosz. The anarchist, who was 28 at the time of the assassination (and keep in mind, this was the third presidential assassination in 36 years), is obviously nowhere near as infamous as Oswald or Booth. Here's some more info about the crime, the trial, and his execution.
5. Macbeth. In theatre circles, it is merely called "The Scottish play." Here is some background on why it is unlucky.

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September 11, 2007

In defense of Britney

It seems that everyone is buzzing about what a terrible performance Britney put on the other night. And it was pretty awful. But what is all this talk about how "fat" she looked? This from the AP: Out-of-synch lip-synching. Lethargic movements that seemed choreographed by a dance instructor for a nursing home. The paunch in place of Spears' once-taut belly. The New York Post's headlines read, "Lard and Clear". “The bulging belly she was flaunting was SO not hot,” wrote E! Online. Well, forgive Britney for looking like an actual human being. I happen to think that actual human women are attractive, and I am not really all that attracted to women who look like they're addicted to heroine or who have washboard stomachs that look like they belong to a young male athlete. So the AP and E! calls a healthy looking mother of two fat, and then in a few weeks they'll run a story trying to figure out why so many young girls have eating disorders. (Speaking of pathetic, how about the fact that this is the 2nd time I've discussed Britney this week, and it's only Tuesday?)

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September 10, 2007

The Weekend

OK, so I went to a Fringe play on Friday with buddy and fellow Metro scribe Bruce. We saw "Hearts of Man" which was about this guy who tries to pick up kids in a chat room and about how his lawyers and the prosecutors handle the case. It was like a bad Law and Order episode. So then we went and got Happy Hour Margarita's at the Mexican Post. That was followed by a trip to the Bards where I watched the Phils lose and then to a party hosted by a member of a member of Narcotyzing Dysfunktion. A fine time was had by all.

Saturday was spent recovering from Friday and winning a game of Rat a Tat Cat. Rat a Tat Cat is my jam. If anyone would like to become a better Rat a Tat Cat player, please let me know. I am thinking about teaching a Rat a Tat Cat class.

And then there was Sunday and the Eagles game. Watched it with the Sofa Kingdom crew. Needless to say it was a disappointment. It was the first time that I can say with a straight face that if I had been returning punts for the Philadelphia Eagles, they would not have lost the game. The loss was compounded by a loss at RISK, as, after 6 1/2 hours of play (seriously, 6 1/2 hours), Nate dominated the world. Oh well, at the least the Phils won 2 of 3. And oh, Trivia Art was at Lambeau yesterday and is at Wrigley today. Pretty sweet.

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Quick Notes

-Have a meeting at ten, so I'll post photos in a couple of hours.

-Got a great text message from Rakim of the Axis of Evil Knieval yesterday: "I wouldn't let Greg Lewis return a phone call." I then sent out this text message as soon as the game was over: "The Eagles special teams: The Phillies bullpen of football."

-There was only one person who could take the spotlight off Britney's bomb (There is no question that my famous dance number was more electrifying than this) last night, and that would be the greatest rapper who ever lived...Kid Rock. He got in a fight with Tommie Lee and was arrested. This is totally going to win Pamela back. Trust me. You want an ex-girlfriend back? Just beat up another one of her ex-boyfriends. Women love it.

-It looks like big things are happening soon. Stay tuned.

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September 7, 2007

Arond the Horn, brought to you by Piston Honda

-Jimmy Rollins has his case for MVP made in Sports Illustrated. However, it's a poorly written article, to be honest. J-Roll will not get MVP. This team will not make the playoffs, and there is no way that a choking, underachieving team is going to be awarded for a 2nd straight year with an MVP.

-We're gonna start voting for best sequel on Monday.

-You know what I'm sick of? These iphone whiners who are complaining b/c Apple cut the price of the iphone. You see, resourceful (read: cheap) people like myself have made the fairly obvious observation that high technology always comes way down in price quickly (see ipods, HDTVs, computers, everything, etc.) and waited patiently for this to happen. Quit whining. You knew it too. You just wanted to be the first kid in town with a new toy, and you paid $200 extra dollars for that status. Hope it's working out for you.

-It was on this date in 1978 that one of the most James Bond murders ever occurred. A Bulgarian dissident named Georgi Markov was shot at a bus stop...with an umbrella.

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September 6, 2007

The Read a Book Controversy

The video for Read a Book (NOT SAFE FOR WORK AT ALL! Lots of cussing) is stirring up a lot of controversy, and a lot of people are calling it racist. I find it interesting that no-one considers rap videos encouraging the murder of other African Americans racist, but that a rap calling for people for buying land instead of rims is. And God forbid a rap video actually be thought provoking. Watch the CNN "journalist", who certainly never questioned Bush this hard in the leadup to a freaking war, attack the creators of the video (And Here is part 2). It is incredible how clueless this journalist is. Does he not understand the irony that if they had just simply done a normal song about reading, they would have never appeared on CNN? BET should have played it at night instead of the daytime, but other than that, I think that it is an excellent satire of how despicable and ignorant hip hop music has become. Here is the rapper's website. And here is an excellent column about the video.

As you probably know, I coach a lot of young African American children. Trust me, most of what they listen to and see on TV is a hell of a lot more offensive than this. And I am qute confident that 12 year olds understand sarcasm and satire.

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September 5, 2007

Around the Horn, brought to you by the Birthday boy!

-I saw a picture of Natalie Portman and I thought she had a log neck, so then I started thinking about the women in Myanmar who wear neck rings. So I looked them up, and it turns out that their necks aren't elongated at all, because that is impossible. It just pushes their clavicles down.

-Jessica Pressler, who is probably most famous (or infamous) in Philly for the renowned 6th Burrough article, is moving to, where else, Brooklyn. I don't know what number borough that is, but as a fan of almost all of the stories she's written (minus one, ahem), I wish her the best of luck.

-This is great: The Dallas Stars dropped the gloves and took a shot at the NBA referee scandal as part of its campaign to sell seats for the 2007-08 season. A billboard near the American Airlines Center, the building the Stars share with the Dallas Mavericks, carries the message: "The only thing we shave is the ice."

-On the Road was published on this date 50 years ago. I can honestly say that the book heavily influenced my decision to move to Hawaii. Here is the famous NYT review when the book was released.

-Happy 32nd, Rod!

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September 4, 2007

Headin' on back

Yo peeps. I'm kicking it in Salisbury, working on my column. Then I'll finish the trip to Philly. Pretty good weekend at home, though I extended my "never making out with a bridesmaid at a wedding" streak. It was my step-sisters wedding, and it was a lot of fun. I spent the next day recovering from my hangover (I caught no women, but I caught a pretty good buzz). Labor Day, I just chilled out on my sisters beach, then we had some fresh crabs for dinner (that's my uncle and my dad emptying the crab pot, above). Then I went to a buddies house and recorded a rap song. It's dope. Hopefully, you'll hear it before too long. I'll post pics of winners as soon as I finish my Metro column.

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August 31, 2007

Max Headroom takes over

Have you guys heard of Mx Headroom pirating telelvision in the late 80s? This is wild. It interfered with a showing of Dr. Who. The fake Headroom also interfered with a sportscast earlier that day. No-one has ever figured out who did it.

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August 29, 2007

Things we learned last week

1) This Lost Boys star helped Sandra Bullock slow down an out of control cruise ship in Speed 2: Cruise Control. Who is he?
Jason Patric; there are apparently plans for a Speed 3. I am not kidding. In this one, they have to keep roller blading at least 15 miles an hour or their brains will explode. It will also star Sophia Coppola and Hulk Hogan.

2) This man's mistress, Lucy Mercer, was at his side when he died of a cerebral hemorrhage.
FDR. Here's a little background, and that is a photo of her above. FDR apparently not a big fan of attractive women.

3) What was Jimi Hendrix's only Billboard top 40 hit?
All Along the Watchtower. Here he sings it live.

4) What brand of soft drink was invented in Waco, Texas, in 1885?
Dr. Pepper. It has 23 secret ingredients, all of them gross. Here's a brief history of how Dr. Pepper got started.

5) Eastern Tennessee delared itself an independant state in 1784, but this idea was shot down by Congress a year later. What was this pseudo state named?
Franklin. Here's a history of the pseudo state.

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Around the Horn, brought to you by Malia

-Please buy Kanye West's album when it is released on September 11th. Gangster hack 50 Cent has promised to retire if Kanye's album outsells his, and 50 Cent retiring would be great for music and for America. He is a worthless, mindless moron and absolute HACK rapper. Kanye West, on the other hand, is intelligent and extremely talented, both as a rapper and producer.

-Stop the presses! Philly Mag has got the cover story the others couldn't get! Children on the Main Line are spoiled! Holy s***! I had no idea! Thank you for this important investigation! Otherwise we would have never known! Next month, I think the cover story should be about how people who live on the Main Line have money. Or maybe one on this new trend called "Fantasy football". (That being said, the article about Craig Laban vs. Chops is pretty good.)

-Happy birthday, Aaron Rowand! Welcome to your 30s! It's kind of like your 20s, except without all the fun!

-This is just too ridiculous, but it will make your day.

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August 28, 2007

Reunited

The lovely Ginger and I had sort of fallen out of touch lately. We've both been pretty busy, and she's been "going steady" with Lance Romance for like 7 months now. And you know how it is when one friend gets into a serious relationship, you just don't see them as much. So we hadn't really hung out in a few months.

Then, last night, a disaster. As I prepared to meet another friend for dinner (went to Uzu, a fairly good sushi place in Old City), I got a splinter in my foot. It hurt like heck, but even worse, it made me feel kind of lonely. I usually revel in my singleness, but getting a splinter is cause for wishing a woman was there who could help me get it out and listen to me pout about how bad it hurt and then tell me how brave I was being if I didn't cry. I tried and I tried to get it myself, to no avail. Finally I went to dinner, grumpy and in pain.

THE DANGEROUS OPERATION
After another difficult self-operation this morning, I realized that I was never gonna get it out myself, and I knew that there was only one person in Philadelphia who knew me well enough to operate on my foot: Ginger. She came right over, and after a half hour of anguish and pain, the cursed splinter was removed. And now I feel good as new. All thanks to Ginger! She's more than a lovely co-host, she's a lifesaver!
RELATED: Johnny and Ginger go to Camden.

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Philly Style Mag: Have you heard about this 'fantasy football"?

So I'm bitching about Philly Style Mag to Trivia Art yesterday, as I see that they have an article about this new phenomenon known as "Fantasy Football" in their City Life section: "Prevailing at this game requires drafting the best team possible...and playing them in a virtual competition against the teams assembled by family members, friends, or co-workers." Really? You don't say! Competing in a virtual "Fantasy" football game against friends and co-workers? How unique, and I would have never heard of it if not for your magazine! Hey, next month you guys should have an article in City Life that begins, "Bread is often used on what many people are calling 'the sandwich'." Anyways, I try to explain this to Trivia Art, and he says, "I can't say anything bad about them, they called me 'culinary crack'." It's a damn shame.

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Around the Horn, Brought to you by Hammerman

-When I saw that a Senator had been arrested for lewd conduct in a bathroom, before I opened the story, I said to Trivia Art, "I'm betting Republican." Right again. Are there any Republicans in Washington who, while campaigning on Family Values and anti-gay marriage, aren't trying to pick up men in bathrooms? I mean, keep in mind, two big name Republicans have been caught trying to pick up men in restrooms in the last two months. Can you imagine how many have gotten away with it? Is David Vitter the only straight Republican in Washington?

-What in the holy hell is going on with the bees? Is it you, with yor fancy cellphone?

-Good debate about patriotism going on in the comments section under the Donspiracists column. Feel free to join.

-It's a bird, it's a plane, it's Hammerman!!!

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August 27, 2007

Today is my birthday, and my father says I can have anything I want!

Today is the birthday of the star of my favorite movie ever recorded. No, not Francis...Pee Wee Herman turns 55! Pee Wee's Big Adventure continues to serve as an inspiration for me. A story of following ones dreams, of finding true love, and of inspiring others. Here's hoping you get what you want for your birthday, Pee Wee!

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Uh, Hello, is this thing on?

It's 1:30 p.m., and you guys have combined to answer one question?

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August 24, 2007

Final Thoughts

Couldn't do the Week in Review because I am in the midst of a super-secret project that is going to be totally awesome and take this jawn to the next level. I'll have the Review up manana. But in the meantime:

-Great cover stories in both the Philadelphia Weekly and City Paper this week. This is YOUR city. What are you doing to make it a better place?

-You know how I love Reef Tha Lost Cause's tunes. This weekend, I'm hoping to see him live at the Khyber. Saturday night, 9 pm. Who's in?

-Trivia Art wants to know: Who has the best nachos in the city?

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Around the Horn, broght to you by Lucia

-Sunday is the last day to get your sequels in, so get 'em done.

-Stephen A. Smith gets demoted by the Inky. Hallelujah! A talentless hack who couldn't write his way out of a paper bag, I really hope he quits and gets out of this city.

-It was on this date in 79 AD that Vesuvius erupted and buried Pompeii, killing everyone, even the hookers. But the Best Little Whorehouse in Pompeii is still there!

-Mmmm, Fast Fixins Frozen Chicken Strips. Now with mercury and shards of glass!

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August 23, 2007

NEWSFLASH!!!!!!

Holy Freaking Cow! Just got an astounding message from Smackdown: American Gladiators is coming back! That's right, NBC is putting together a new season of Gladiators! God Bless you NBC! And NBC, do me this favor: Please, Please bring back Malibu, I don't care how old and out of shape he is now.

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Around the Horn, brought to you by Wilt the Stilt in Conan the Destroyer

-Here's Entertainment Weekly's list of the actual worst sequels ever.

-Rangers, who had struck out 30 tomes and scored two runs in their previous two games, beat the Orioles, 30-3. The best part was that the Orioles at one point had a 3-0 lead.

-This is pretty awesome. 59 year old playing on a college football team. Which reminds me, I have four years of eligibility left...

-Damn, I swear all the great concerts happen on Thrsdays, when I gotta work. Tonight, G. Love and Special Sauce at Penn's Landing.

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August 22, 2007

Things we learned last week

Here's a few questions from last weeks quizzo, with a little more background info on the answers:
1) Rainey Bethea was executed on August 14, 1936. What made his execution unique in the United States?
A: He was the last person executed publicly. The reason we haven't done it again is because it didn't go so well. The hangman was wasted.

2) What fighter on Mike Tyson's Punchout hailed from Philadelphia?
A: Mr. Sandman. If you really wanna waste 2 minutes of your life, watch this uber-nerd get beat up by Mr. Sandman. Eerily compelling.

3) One of the worst movies ever made was also one of 1998s most lucrative. It's tagline was, "For Love. For Honor. For Mankind".
A: Armageddon. Here was Roger Eberts review of this tripe.

4) What religion runs the "Psychiatry: A History of Death Museum"?
A: Scientology. Yes, this museum actually exists. Here is a video tour of the museum. To be honest, this museum looks freaking awesome.

5) Who did Elvis meet with on December 21, 1970 to express his contempt for the drug culture, and producing one of the most amazing photos ever?
A: Richard Nixon. Here's that photo and a little background on it.

6) Hugh Beaumont is best known for playing what character on TV?
A: Ward Cleaver. After leaving the show he became a Christmas tree salesman. Hugh Beaumont rules.

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Around the Horn, brought to you by Erin Gray

-It was 96 years ago today that the French noticed something. "Hey, wasn't there a picture of a lady where that empty frame is now?" Except they said it in French: "Perdon moi, parlez vous un pictorio de femme en la framerie?"

-Here's the latest from Trivia Art. Did he really think that the Independence Brew Pub was helping us get ahead at anything?

-If I ever rubbed an old lamp and a genie popped out, I'd wish for the same thing I woulda wished for as a kid: a time machine. (Of course, if I ever rubbed an old lamp, I'd probably just get a hand rash.) Anyways, scientists are saying that time travel will be possible in the future. But wait, if time travel is possible in the future, why aren't any of those time travelers here now? They probably all went to the 20s, when the booze was flowin' and the girls were easy.

-Hey, Philly just won an honorable mention for best tasting tap water! Get that ticker tape ready, it's time to celebrate!

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August 20, 2007

Happy B-Day Steve-O!

Happy birthday to Philadelphia underground legend Steve O (above, with Fabio). The Andy Reid impersonator/piano maestro/quizzo host/comedian/damn good guy turns 24 today. Or something close to that. His plans to celebrate? Playing quizzo at Dark Horse tonight. Steve also celebrated early by winning twice at quizzo last week. Go ahead and holla atcha boy Steve on Myspace or drop him best birthday wishes in the comments below. Steve, my birthday gift to you: I'm replacing Lionel Richie with you on my Myspace Top 12!

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ANybody wanna play their ipod this week?

I'm getting kind of tired of the songs on my iPod and was wondering if anyone wanted to play some of their tunes at quizzo this week. If you are interested, shoot me an email (johnnygoodtimes@hotmail.com) and let me know at which quizzo you wanna DJ at. First come first serve. Word.

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Junk Mail can be fun!

So I got one of those "My late husband sent me a ton of money and I need to give some of it to you, complete stranger" emails yesterday, and being it was a rainy Sunday, I decided to respond (that's the passport she sent me, above). Here was the initial email, with my response after the jump. She actually wrote back to me today! If I do decide to contact her lawyer, I'll let you know. Oh, and I hope you will follow her advice to "always be prayerful".

Dear Beloved,

Glory to God in heaven. My name is Mrs. Anne Marie Joubert from South Africa. I am married to Mr. Abraham Benjamin Joubert, who is a mechanical engineer worked with shell petroleum company for many years before he died in 2004. We were married for eleven years without a child. He died after a brief illness that lasted for only four days.

Before his death we were both born again Christians. Since his death I decided not to re-marry or get a child outside my matrimonial home which the Bible is against. When my late husband was alive he deposited a total sum of $10.5 Million ( Ten Million, Five Hundred Thousand U.S.Dollars) with a security and finance company in Europe.

Presently, this money is still under the safe keeping of the reserve company. Recently, my Doctor told me that I would not last for the next seven months due to my cancer problems. Though what disturbs me most is my stroke. Having known my condition, I decided to donate this fund to church or better still a Christian individual that will utilize this money the way I am going to instruct here in. I want a church or God fearing individual that will use this fund on, orphanages and widows propagating the word of God and give help to mankind. The Bible made us to understand that blessed is the hand that givet.

I took this decision because I don't have any child that will inherit this money and my husband relatives are not Christians and I don't want my husband's hard earned money to be misused by unbelievers. I don't want a situation where this money will be used in an ungodly manner. Hence the reason for taking this bold decision.

I am not afraid of death hence I know where I am going. I know that I am going to be in the bosom of the Lord. Exodus 14 VS 14 says that the lord will fight my case and I shall hold my peace. I don't need any telephone communication in this regard because of my health condition and the presence of my husband's relatives around me always. I don't want them to know about this development.

With God all things are possible. My happiness is that I lived a life of a worthy Christian. Whoever that wants to serve the Lord must serve him in spirit and truth. Please always be prayerful all through your any delay in your reply will give me room in sourcing for a church or Christian individual for this same purpose. Please assure me that you will act accordingly as I stated herein. Hoping to hear from you as soon as possible.

Remain blessed in the name of the Lord.
Yours in Christ, Read Hebrews13:15v16 New Living Translation
Mrs. Anne Marie Joubert.
After the break, Johnny responds.

Dear Anne Marie,

Praise Jesus, Hosannah in the highest. I am sorry to hear about your husbands death and can totally understand why you want to keep the money away from your husbands family. As a disciple of Christ, I hate to talk poorly of others, but your husband's family's heathen ways are certainly a cause for concern.

Wow, cancer PLUS a stroke? That sounds rough. I am amazed that you were able to find the strength to write me that email. What a brave and strong woman you are! I am sure you get that strength from your Lord and Savior, Jesus. With him, all things are possible, even if you have cancer and a stroke. But I can understand why you don't want phone calls. Jabbin all day will sap the strength right out of you, especially with cancer and a stroke.

Anyways, I work with orphans. Blind orphans. And boy could we use the money! It's funny that I heard from you today. Last night, before I went to bed, I clasped my hands together and I said, "Lord, please send us some money. Please send some money to our poor little orphanage." And damn if you didn't send me that email within 24 hours! This is what I like to call, "One of the Lord's many miracles." It's like when Jesus turned the water into wine coolers. Except you and I, we're gonna turn these filthy blind orphans into clean blind orphans! It will also give us the money to pay our lawyers after last years "incident" at the orphanage (Not my fault!).

Now, what do you need from me? Social Security number? Credit card number? What? You name it, you got it! I know I can trust you; I can feel the strength of the baby Jesus in your words. And don't give up on that cancer and stroke. I'll be praying to Jesus every night for you to get better. Last night, I prayed for a kind heart like yours, and it came true. So I'm sure the Lord is gonna reward me if I pray for your cancer and stroke to go away! (But if you do die from your cancer and stroke, I hope we get the money.)

Let's get this thing going!

Yours in Christ,
JGT

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Around the Horn, brought to you by Space Invaders

-This is hilarious. Top 10 streaking videos of all time. To be honest, the ones rated 1-4 are the lamest, but the first six videos are priceless. More silly than offensive, but probably not safe for work.

-Bill Moyers, one of the few television journalists with any cojones, talks about Karl Rove's legacy.

-I care about you guys. I really do. That's why I want you to hold your right hand up and make the following pledge: "No matter how drunk I get, I will never, NEVER, climb inside a bear cage."

-Dick Cheney can tell the future!

-The Phillies "Quest to miss the wild card by one game" got a shot in the arm yesterday, as the Phils pulled defeat from the jaws of victory and blew a four run lead for the 2nd straight game against the worst team in the National League. I'd like to reiterate a guarantee I made months ago: The Phils will be tied for the wild card lead going into the final series of the season, then will lose two of three to the Nationals and miss it by one game.

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Pics of last weeks winners

Gonna throw the pics of last weeks winners up. Yesterday was Coco Chanels birthday, so this weeks topic will be Cocoa. One Guess per person. No cheating!

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August 17, 2007

James Dresnok, North Korean Defector