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December 30, 2005

Year in Review-December

• Philly sports teams have worst week ever, including a devastating Eagles loss to the Seahawks.

• Trivia Jihad invades Philly.

• Time to make the doughnuts guy dies. As a comedian friend of mine, Andy Nolan, wrote in the headline of an email: "Time to make the Obits."

• Nick and Jessica officially call it quits, filing for divorce. Rumors of Simpson's interest in a certain Philly quizmaster are, as of press time, unsubstantiated.

Strange search terms that brought people to the site in December:
big bad oil companies destroying environment
i'm feelin hot hot hot
steve guttenberg homeless

A couple of final mentions: First, in mid October I posted a pretty forgettable post about watching the 1985 Greater Buffalo Open, in which I wondered if I was the only person in America watching highlights of a 1985 bowling match. Well, apparently I wasn't the only person who cared about the 1985 Greater Buffalo Open. In December, someone with apparently even less of a life than me apparently googled "Gary Skidmore Greater Buffalo Open 1985" and found my site. ( I am proud to note that if you google "Gary Skidmore Greater Buffalo Open 1985", johnnygoodtimes.com comes up first, even ahead of the PBA's website.) Secondly, what was the number one search term that people typed in to get to the site in 2005? The winner, by far was Paris Hilton. I'm not kidding, and I have no explanation. I'm sure I don't show up anywhere near the top of any search engine when you type in Paris. Maybe I have a pic of her that shows up in images somewhere. I don't get it. But I think it's only fitting, since Paris is one of my favorite performers, and I am proud if my little website is in some way helping this talented little starlet claw her way to the top.

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Year in Review-November

• What do JGT and Camden have in common? Well, in November they both became back to back champs. Johnny Goodtimes was named Philly's Best Quizzo for the 2nd year in a row, and Camden was named America's Most Dangerous City for the 2nd year in a row.


• The infamous Drew Rosenhaus press conference on the lawn. TO then fires Rosenhaus and hires Unfrozen Cave Man Lawyer.


• Johnny almost killed at Punkin Chunkin.


• Bobby Badtimes blasts Geno's, Philly Weekly, Philly mag, pretty much everybody else in Philly.

• Hot lesbian sex action!

Strange search terms that brought peopel to this site in November:
pulchritudinous framery
lay pipe johnnygoodtimes.com, for all your plumbing needs
squeaky deaky
brad rutter kicked ken jennings ass
what's the worst idea in the world hmmm...I'm gonna say bellydancer for Quizzo Bowl One

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Year in Review-October

• "Come up with the worst title for a Broadway musical" contest.


• Johnny named one of Philly's 40 Under 40 by socialphilly.com, or as Johnny's friends back home say, "Congrats, Johnny, on being named the 39th most popular person in Philly under age 40."


• The 1st annual Keystone Classic Rock Paper Scissors tourney takes place in Philly. Johnny "Double Duty" Goodtimes emcees and participates, and bows out early to the Midnight Rider.


• Johnny's sister gets married. Johnny does rendition of Billy Idols "White Wedding" during reception, complete with white t-shirt and spiked hair.


• After MLB selects it's all Latin team, Johnny selects his all-white and all-black teams.

Strange search terms that brought people to the site in October:
pictures of whiplash riding a collie
apple picking and petting zoo in Massachusettes There's an apple picking zoo in Massachusettes?
eazy e is alive
watch me have sex
do you wanna roll with me... bounce bounce to the rhythm Oh, I'm bouncin'. I'm rollin'.
i mean seriously

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Year in Review-September

• Johnny releases controversial story of his high school battle with AI on the basketball courts of Virginia. Johnny claims to have shut down "Bubbachuck" back in the day.


• Had Haiku Contest
  Lots of people did enter
  I like butterflies


• Johnny interviews Bernard "The Executioner" Hopkins, who talks about his time in prison and about the TO/McNabb controversy, siding with TO.


• My man Brian asks his girlfriend Meghan to marry him, via quizzo answers!


• Johnny kicks it in the quoit pits.


• Philadelphia Magazine takes Goodtimes quote way out of context in an effort to make him look bad.


• Member of quizzo juggernaut Sofa Kingdom blasts Goodtimes in the media, calling New Deck's quizzo "the only acceptable quizzo."

Strange searches that led people to the site in September.
Stuart Scott's an idiot Yes! I am so glad this brings people to the site.
Toby Keith haters Yes! I am so glad this brings people to the site.
metal detecting laws of Margate, NJ No metal detectors within 50 yards of Lucy!
claipping (pegging the Amish with rocks)
prunes are good for you
deep throught linda lovelace (yeah, you almost spelled throat right)
creepy stare

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December 29, 2005

Year in Review-August

• Philly mag has it's "Best Of..." edition, which includes "Best Book About Meat" (I'm serious), but doesn't include Best Quizzo". Johnny offers $50 to whoever writes the nastiest letter to the editor.


• Johnny goes to the town directly above hell-Centralia.


• Johnny has "Best name for a golf porno contest". Responses include "Caddy Shag," "Happy to Drillmore" and "The Legend of Tagger Ass".


• Johnny hears from the mysterious Killdozer, Jr.


• Beat the Champs is even better than QB One, as it moves quicker, and breakdancers go over a lot better than bellydancers. And let's face it, Johnny dressing up in that sexy cowboy outfit didn't hurt either. Well, ok, yes it did.

Strange Search terms that brought people to the site in August.
vaseline
Von Hayes
longest cucumber
no hotdogs? think dildogs I'd prefer not to.
I can sell out madison square garden masturbating Wow.
weird white people They're the worst.

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Year in Review-July

• Johnny rocks out at Live 8, despite the fact Moron Five and Toby Keith were there.


• The TO situation begins. It turns into a situation none of us can turn away from for a single minute over the next four months. It's kind of like Philly's own Elian Gonzalez case.


• Johnny kicks it with Lipso Nava and the Camden Riversharks.


• Karl Rove gets in hot water. I hope he dies. Whoops, did I just write that?

Strange Search terms that landed people at the site in July:
birthday spanking
Jesus (How far are you looking in your search engine? I mean seriously, I can't possibly be one of the first MILLION sites that come up when you google Jesus.)
sea monkeys
haoles
i guess the rain is down in africa
learn to make love (it's a relatively new service we're offering on the website. contact johnny for details.)
sneezy necklace

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December 28, 2005

Year in Review-June

• Pedro Mays becomes the next Johnny Goodtimes.


• Johnny takes gratuitous boob shots at Phillies game.


• Doc Watson's closes again, this time for good.


• The Johnny needs a motto contest.


• JGT is snubbed by Philly Style magazine, presents self with award.

Strange search terms that brought people to the site in June:
kidnapped gagged
prosthetic make up head enlargment
randy moss charity fishing tournament
mosquitoes are useless
how to eat corn
wacky caskets

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Year in Review-May

• Johnny uproots quizzo players at raucous Penn party at the Bards and moves them to the Vous for a surreal late night quizzo.


• Johnny goes to Intercourse, milks wooden cow, sees alpaca. Exclusive photos inside!


• Masturbate-a-thon takes place in San Francisco. Now there's a competition you just can't beat! Sorry, that was weak.


• Johnny tries to advertise on baby.


• Be the Next JGT contest comes down to the final three.


• George Galloway of Scotland goes gangsta style on Congress. Perhaps his best line? "I have met Saddam Hussein exactly the same number of times as Donald Rumsfeld met him. The difference is Donald Rumsfeld met him to sell him guns."

Strange search terms that led people to the site in May:
Coco B. Ware
Quizard of Oz
dog lick
catsup hater
claire huxtable naked (I have no idea)
alan thicke speedos (What? naked Claire Huxtable and Alan Thicke in speedos? Who in the hell is looking for this stuff?)

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Year in Review-April

• Cookie Monster forced to advocate healthy food b/c kids today are so fat. This story brought to you by the letter B.


• Johnny's mom hangs with crazed man in the park.


• JGT Ethics Committee makes rapid response to biggest fashion faux pas since tie dyes-the upturned collar.


• MJ from Real World Philly punched in face in West Chester. In other news, Johnny now a big fan of West Chester.


• Seven contestants vie to be the next Johnny Goodtimes.


• Tom Cruise begins to destroy the life of-ahem, goes on first date with-Katie Holmes.

Weird Search results that brought people to the site in April:
Habemus papum-this brought a lot of people to the site
you just got pittsnogled-I'm very proud of this one
clothers of french explorers
amputated head
hip hop saddam hussein
howard eskin lies
johnny the crackhead

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Year in Review-March

• Dan Rather hosts last show as anchor of CBS News.


• The infamous raid on Doc Watson's. Again, and we cannot reiterate this enough, Johnny would not have had his "Teeagers Drink Free on Quizzo Night" promotion at Doc's if he had known it was going to lead to this much trouble.


• Baseball players lie to Congress. Well, except for Jose Canseco, whose unflinching honesty lands him a role on the crappiest Surreal Life ever.


• Gervase hosts quizzo for like two weeks before realizing that just because you were on Survivor doesn't mean that you can be a quizmaster. If you were on the Littlest Groom, however, you could totally do it.


• Johnny lists his favorite 25 porn titles ever. Among those making the list: MIssionary: Impossible and Good Will Humping.

Strange Search Results that brought people to the site (these are for real):
East German women's swim team
sheep porn
places to hang out for shemales long island new york
hiding from hitler
pizza sucks

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December 27, 2005

Year in Review-February

• Bitter Bobby Badtimes Blasts Boston Bozos after Super Bowl. Best line: Morons dump tea in a harbor. Geniuses write Constitutions.


• Johnny turns 30.


• Johnny spends Valentine's Day bitter at Doc Watson's, playing lots of Journey. There's no link. That's just the sad, sad truth.


• Johnny does follow up interview local coffee mogul Todd Carmichael about his trip to the South Pole.


• JGT plays a Maroon Five song at O'Neals, apologizes.


• Hunter Thompson takes his own life on Febraury 20th.

Interesting search terms that led people to the site in February:
popemobile
sexy shemales
squirrel attacks
plumber's toolbelt
johnny he's good but he's been cheating

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Year in Review-January

• Perhaps an omen of what a terrible year was to come for him, Donovan McNabb gets duped out of $600 by a James Thrash impersonator.


• Philadelphia gets named 2nd fattest city in the country. Dreams of a parade of fat people down Broad Street are thwarted, at least until the next Mummer's Parade.


• Doc Watson's regular Paul sets a new record, passing out five questions into round one


• Ashlee Simpson booed before, during, and after performance at Orange Bowl. Sadly, it doesn't end her career.


• Vince Neil gets married for the fourth time. Why didn't the first three marriages work out? Because a certain man of God named MC HAMMER wasn't presiding over them, that's why.


• Afraid to upset Main Liners, Philly Mag refuses to run a Pompeiian porn ad created by the Brownstein Group. Just try to say Pompeiian porn without smiling.


• Quizzo Bowl One!!!

Search terms that brought people to the site in January (seriously):
Daddy's favorite meatloaf recipe
robots friend or foe
contagious rash
lazy sluts
johnny's problem

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