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Hope everyone has a safe and wonderful holiday, and we'll see ya back here on Tuesday.

The person who wrote the following turns 67 today. See if you can guess who it was in the comments (no cheating!) Leftists tend to hate anything that has an image of being strong, good and successful. They hate America, they hate Western civilization, they hate white males, they hate rationality. The reasons that leftists give for hating the West, etc. clearly do not correspond with their real motives. They SAY they hate the West because it is warlike, imperialistic, sexist, ethnocentric and so forth, but where these same faults appear in socialist countries or in primitive cultures, the leftist finds excuses for them, or at best he GRUDGINGLY admits that they exist; whereas he ENTHUSIASTICALLY points out (and often greatly exaggerates) these faults where they appear in Western civilization. Thus it is clear that these faults are not the leftist's real motive for hating America and the West. He hates America and the West because they are strong and successful...Notice the masochistic tendency of leftist tactics. Leftists protest by lying down in front of vehicles, they intentionally provoke police or racists to abuse them, etc. These tactics may often be effective, but many leftists use them not as a means to an end but because they PREFER masochistic tactics. Self-hatred is a leftist trait.

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Here are a bunch of songs which some people believe contain subversive or hidden messages when you play them backwards. In addition to the answer of one of this weeks questions, (Stairway to Heaven) there is are also a couple of them that people took to believe that Paul was dead (I'm So Tired and Revolution 9). Go here to find a bunch more clues that, when taken together, prove that Paul is dead. I also love the fact that the Pokemon rap has Satanic messages in it, and that Weird Al uses it on purpose.

Hey kids, I was interviewed by Nicole Brewer of CBS3 today. They just put me on Skype and started asking questions. I don't know if it was the shirt or the angle of the camera, but I look like I weigh about 350 pounds. It's the camera angle, right, gang? RIGHT?

Been a lot going on lately. Here are a few things to check out if it's your first time here in a while.

• Me and Ginger's adventure to the Laurel Hill Cemetery.
• Vote in the very closely contested "Things you hate" poll.
• The Fish/Not a Fish Round seen on the Samantha Brown Show.
• The infamous WNBA Player or Porn Star Round.

We've also started taking a daily quiz where you see how you stack up against me. Check these out and let me know how you do in the comments section.

• Longest things.


• The Number 7.


• Wrestling Dolls.

For those of you that are here for the first time, a few things you should know about me:

• I played basketball against Iverson in high school.


• I was Philadelphia's 2006 Rock Paper Scissors Champion.


• I solve mysteries.

Alright kids, I'm heading down to the ballpark, but I wouldn't leave you without a few great sites to visit this afternoon.

• First of all, if you have never seen Awkward Family Photos, you're welcome. Funniest site I've seen in a while Thanks to Matt for letting me know about this one.
• Second, if you're a baseball geek, I came up with a really tough baseball quiz. See how ya do.



• If you haven't been to the website of notorious Philly legend Arthur Kade, please do yourself a favor. It is a brilliant site, as I still can't tell if this is a put-on or not. I just can't imagine a guy like this could walk around Philly and not get the living s*** kicked out of him every day if this was for real.



• Here's my latest in the Metro about strange upcoming festivals. For more info on these festivals, see below:

1. Intercourse Rhubarb Festival.


2. Illusion Alpaca Auction.


3. Kinetic Sculpture Derby.


4. Cooper's Hill Cheese Rolling.

Just curious.

Hey kids, you might remember when Samantha Brown came to Black Sheep and got booed when she tried to ask questions. Will it be a black eye for the city, or will it be kind of funny, or will they try to pretend like it never happened? And how will they make it seem like our Wednesday night quizzo is taking place on a weekend night? We'll find out tomorrow night. Show comes on at 10 p.m. on the Travel Channel. For more info, go to her website.

The head of the Committee of Public Safety during the French Revolution, this radical left wing Frenchman was born on this date in 1758 and beheaded in 1794.

Hey kids, a few quick notes before we part ways for the weekend. First of all, congrats to Quiz on Your Face, who became the first team other than the Jams to repeat at the Vous since last June (But My Mom Says I'm Cool). Next week, they will try to be the first team to win three straight other than the Jams since 2006. New quiz going up on Comcast On Demand Saturday, so be sure to check it out. I think the entertainment one goes up next, so go to On Demand>>Free Movies>>Trivia and Games>>Quizzo. Also, keep in mind that the new quiz starts at Ugly American next Thursday night at 7:30 p.m., so I'll finally get off my lazy butt and do two sets of questions again. As for fun upcoming non-quizzo stuff, the Sly Fox Goat Races are Sunday, and I am doing stand up Monday night, so maybe I'll see you at one of those. Finally, be sure to find out what wrestling manager Stan van Gundy looks like and how the Phillies got started in 1883 by going to isportacus. Have a great weekend, everybody.

Crimson and Clover, by birthday boy Tommy James, has always been one of my favorite songs. James was the lead singer of the Shondells, who also had a hit with the song "I Think We're Alone Now" (pre Tiffany). Funny story. When I was living in Hawaii, me and my friends used to always go to the restaurant where my girlfriend waited tables (Durty Jakes) for karaoke night. Me and a buddy of mine would sometimes do a duet of "I Think We're Alone Now", complete with us tumbling to ground and doing a Kid 'n' Play dance. Well, one night after we performed it, an older gentleman walked up to us and said, "I was in the band that did that song, and I have never seen it performed like that in my life." The guy had been a member of the Shondells in the early days of the band. I asked him, "Did you do Crimson and Clover?" Sadly, no. He said that he had left the band before Crimson and Clover came out. It was the highlight of my music career until Eve said that "White boy got skills" after I dropped a few bars at an open mic at the 5 Spot about 6 years ago (true story.)

The government is going retro, trying to alert people to the dangers of swine flu in old fashioned PSAs like the one you see above, narrated by the same guy that narrated those films we had to watch in Driver's Ed class about drinking and driving. "Dottie had a heart condition and she died" is one of my favorite lines ever uttered in a Public Service Announcement. Oh, and remember to get duct tape and plastic to guard against dirty bombs, and a gas mask to protect you from SARS.

Alright, not gonna give it away just yet. We got to make it a bit of a quiz first and see who can come up with the answer. The name of the bar is also the name of a book that was turned into a movie starring Marlon Brando, seen above. What is it? Post your answer in the comments. Let's see who can come up with it first (If you already know don't guess). The new Thursday night quiz starts next week.

UPDATE: Palestra Jon nailed it. Answer is in the comments. More details coming tomorrow.

The Sly Fox Goat Races are this Sunday, and I desperately need to get my hands on a goat. I am determined to compete this year. If you have access to a goat, please email me as soon as possible. Thank you.

I was pretty fascinated by the fact that Jamaicans today speak English because of William Penn's father (as we learned this week in quizzo), but I was unable to find a lot of information about the English takeover of the island. Apparently, Penn and his crew had tried to attack Hispaniola in 1655 but were repelled, so they had to settle for Jamaica, which was not considered very valuable at the time and was much less heavily fortified. He defeated the Spanish and took over the island, and it remained in English hands until 1962.

Here's another interesting fact I came across about Penn Sr.:
The origin of grog lies with Vice-Admiral William Penn, father of the founder of Pennsylvania. In 1655, during Penn's campaign for Cromwell in the Indies, Penn arrived in Barbados and captured Jamaica. Unfortunately Jamaica had few stores of beer or wine. Jamaica did, however, have rum. Penn, therefore, began the use of rum as a ration.

This makes it seem more like Penn introduced the English world to rum than to grog, as the origins of grog don't date until 1740. So not only did the Penn family give us Pennsylvania, they gave us reggae (if it wasn't for the William Penn it would be in Spanish, and probably use a bunch of horns) and rum. And is that a baseball bat in his right hand? Did the Penns invent baseball too?

A couple of pretty cool Philly history pieces to look at today.

• First of all, historyofphilly.com has a video that looks at Abraham Lincoln's funeral procession through Philadelphia.
• Secondly, a write up I did yesterday about how booze helped the Philadelphia Athletics win the 1871 baseball pennant.
• Finally, phillyhistory.org has a write up on a couple of spectacular hotels that were in downtown Philly.

From the state that brought us George W. Bush, Jerry Jones, and Vanilla Ice, we now get this: Bill Nye "The Science Guy" was booed in Waco, Texas for suggesting the Moon did not generate its own light, but reflected light from the sun...several people in the audience stormed out, including woman with three small children who shouted, "We believe in God!" and left.

Almost makes you wish the ATF had burned the whole damn town down.

As you are well aware, I was in Puerto Rico with a "travel companion" last week. Well, I decided to write in today's Metro about a couple from Philly I met while in Vieques. In other Puerto Rico news, here are some photos from the trip. We were in the rain forest south of Utuado for the first couple of days. A very hairy drive to get there over switchback roads, but it was worth it. Very secluded, extremely relaxing. Took a few hikes, but other than that, just sort of loafed around and drank rum and juice. Then we headed to Vieques, where we went to the tiny town of Esperanza. The island is best known for being the place that the US Navy was driven out of in 2003. It is home to some of the most beautiful, most desolate beaches in the Caribbean. We hiked to nearby Sun Bay, which was beautiful, and also did the Bioluminescent Bay kayak trip. It looked a lot like this. It was very cool, though kayaking at night while wet was a little chilly. Finally, we headed to Old San Juan. Stayed at a very cool, fairly cheap hotel called the Casablanca, which was right in the middle of everything. San Juan was terrific. Great walking town, although the sidewalks were a little narrow. But lots of great restaurants, Spanish architecture, and the El Morro Fort was very cool. I would definitely like to go back to San Juan when I have more time, but we were able to get a lot of hiking around the town in in our short time there. So there you have it. Great trip, lots of fun, I definitely recommend Puerto Rico as a vacation destination (though to be honest I like Mexico a little bit better.)

Jack Nicholson turns 72 today. There are several men who claim to be his father (he doesn't know who his real father is), and he was brought up believing that his grandparents were his actual parents, and that his actual mother was his sister. He found out the truth in 1974 when a reporter for TIME Magazine told him. Apparently, his grandparents didn't think he could handle the truth. Anyhow, just curious: what's you favorite Jack film? Mine is probably the Shining, followed closely by One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. Let me know what yours is in the comments below.

We're all drinkers (now that the Good Dog quizzo is over), and so we are all familiar with beer goggles. They are the reason we drink, so that by the end of the night, we are no longer discerning when it comes to practicing mating. But alas, do beer goggles really exist? Researchers in England say no: Beer goggles are a fallacy and women actually seem no prettier after drinking, a study suggests. 'There was no great difference - the men were just as undiscerning as ever,' said Vincent Egan, the lead researcher. Oh, so beer goggles are just an excuse we give our buddies when we go home with someone who looks like that lady from Britain's Got Talent, and not based on fact? Not sure, because this research reached a completely different conclusion than research conducted on the same topic last year. However, both studies agreed on one thing: women do have beer goggles, as they find men more attractive after a few drinks. To which I say: "Ladies, keep drinkin'!"

It was a little loud and crazy, but a lot of fun on Thursday as I hosted quizzo at a party for Villanova Law Students. In the end, it was the Debutante Ballers squeaking by the Party Brigade, 86-81 to take the title of Nova's Kings of Useless Knowledge.

Happy birthday to Philly legend David Rittenhouse, who was born on this date in 1732 near Germantown. You know all about his park, but how much do you know about him? He was one of America's foremost scientists of the 18th century. He was exceptionally famous and respected in his day, as you can see in this letter from Jefferson to him in 1778: I doubt not there are in your country many persons equal to the task of conducting government: but you should consider that the world has but one Ryttenhouse, and that it never had one before. The amazing mechanical representation of the solar system which you conceived and executed, has never been surpassed by any but the work of which it is a copy. He was an excellent surveyor, called upon to determine the boundaries of numerous states, created the first observatory in the United States, and was the first director of the United States Mint. He died in Philly in 1796.

The King of the Pan Flute is turning 68 today, still blowing on that flute like there was no tomorrow. Alright, I'm off to the dentist so he can admonish me for not taking better care of my teeth. Be back this afternoon with pics of last weeks winners. Oh and thanks to everybody who came out to the Bards last night to the Phils game. It was a lot of fun, even though the Phils didn't live up to their end of the bargain. And thanks to the Bards for having us. We'll have to do it again sometime.

Think you guys will get a kick out of a thing I wrote today on isportacus: 40 Reasons Baseball is Better Than Football. Also, remember that we're having a launch party/Phils party Sunday night at 6 p.m. We're gonna show the final 4 innings of last years World Series, then watch Game One of the 2009 season. We've got $2 lagers and Bud Lights and Dollar Dogs. We'll also have baseball trivia, prizes, and much more. It's gonna be fun. Hope you can join us. Oh, and don't forget to join us on Streak for the Cash. We just started a whole new game this month.

Last night I asked the question: "Lynard Skynard was named after a guy named Leonard Skinner. Who was Leonard Skinner?" Leonard Skinner was their high school gym teacher in Jacksonville. And, rumor has it, he regularly suspended them for having long hair. Well, Leonard recently retired from teaching, and here's a write up about him in the Jacksonville paper, including a bit of history of his relationship with the band.

The band named itself in a smart-aleck tribute to the basketball coach and gym teacher at Robert E. Lee High School, the tough guy who sent some of the musicians to the assistant principal's office because their hair was too long - it touched their collars in the back.

It was apparently a big deal to them. To Skinner, though? Not so much. Even as the band was making it big in the '70s, he admitted he didn't recall their names or faces: He remembered the athletes he coached, not the longhairs.

It rankled him then, and it rankles him now, that some say he was too tough on them, or that it was he who kicked Skynyrd out of school. They were breaking the school dress code, after all. And he was just doing his job by sending them to the office - if they were expelled or suspended after they got to the office, it wasn't his doing.

"It was against the school rules. I don't particularly like long hair on men, but again, it wasn't my rule," he says...Ever since, Leonard Skinner has been tied to the band - and is forever having to take out his billfold to show his ID to people who don't believe that that's his real name.

So perhaps he's warmed up to Lynyrd Skynyrd's music after all these decades?

"No," he says flatly, resisting a golden opportunity to play nice. "I don't. I don't like rock 'n' roll music."

I was at Penndot today, and I'm glad I went. I've been drinking a lot of wine coolers lately, thinking I was completely free from harm. Well, I was wrong. According to this sign at PENNDOT, Wine coolers are a drug. Like heroin or crack. Or Zima.

Thanks to Hot Irish Slut for sending this in (seriously, that was the name on the email that sent this to me.) Dimitri appears at the 11:30 mark, but the whole thing is kind of interesting. If you are going to be in Toronto next weekend, I highly recommend attending Dimitri's next seminar on April 8th. He is going to teach you where to go to seduce sluts, such as "Stunning Eastern European gold-digging whores that are manipulative, but in turn, easily manipulated themselves (Dimitri The Lover’s motto: “East of the curtain … sex is for certain!”)" And if you missed it the first time, here's the phone call that made us fall in love with Dimitri. I am also quite proud of the fact that when you google image "Dimitri the Lover" a quizzo team by that name at the Bards shows up on page one.

Yes, the Nova game will be played during Quizzo Bowl V. I am shocked that the NCAA would do this to me. I guess this is payback for my harsh words in the past about the BCS. Anyways, here's the deal. They do have a TV at the Palace, and I'm pretty sure it can get the game. However, I'm not gonna have the game running during the whole quiz. Too distracting. But the Nova game starts at 7:05 and I expect to be done with questions at around 8:30. So barring some sort of slowdown or problem, you should be able to catch crunch time of the game. I'm not making any promises, but I'll see what I can do. Also, while you are welcome to check the game scores on your phone during breaks, you will not be allowed to have any electronic device during game play or your team will be eliminated.

George Anastasia has always been one of my favorite Philly writers, and he's also really good in front of the camera. A look at the murder of Philly mob boss Angelo Bruno in 1980. Here's the front page story in the Daily News the day after he died. Wiki has the best brief but comprehensive entry on the history of the Philly Mob I've seen.

An interesting article in today's Metro about whether or not the city should consider legalizing marijuana to raise money. Here's a little bit more on the proposal in California to legalize it, tax it, and make millions off of it in a depression. On a bit less liberal scale, New Jersey is considering the possibility of becoming the 14th state to legalize medical marijuana. Corzine said he would sign the bill if it passes assembly. So what do you think? Would you support the legalization of marijuana in Philadelphia for either medical or recreational use? Do you think that the revenue collected by the city would be worth it, or do you think it opens up a whole new can of worms? By the way, who thought to make Stephen Baldwin the "Voice of Reason" for the anti-pot troops (video, above)? What a bumbling idiot.

Ladies and Gentlemen, yooooooooooour 1988-1989 Broadwater Vikings JV squad. (Can you spot JGT?) Please notice how four guys on the team wore Reebok pumps. If memory serves, we were 7-20 that year. The year before was the worst team ever. We were 1-22, and lost to Central Middle School 72-7, in a game in which we trailed at halftime 34-0. We lost to Rock Academy 93-25 that year, and Arcadia beat us 57-4. I still remember our one win that year. It was over the Ryan Academy Griffins. God, that victory was sweet.

Will Johnny be upstaged by his lovely co-host this year at Quizzo Bowl? The lovely Ginger made an appearance on the 10! Show, and was interviewed by the lovely Lori "Shaving Off My Muff For You" Wilson.

A friend of mine went to check out her match.com account this morning, and this was what was written at the bottom right hand corner of her screen:

Apparently the message got cut off a little early. But anything it was supposed to say was much less true than what actually came up. Ladies, in case you were curious, that is precisely how you totally rock a first date.

Hey kids, Steve O. wanted me to pass this along. Sounds like a lot of fun, and it's for a great cause, the Society for Orphaned Armenian Relief. For more info, you can click here. Here's the basics: 3rd Annual Texas Hold 'Em Tournament

SOAR is holding its 3rd Annual Texas Hold 'Em Tournament on Saturday, March 14, 2009, in the Brookline Fire Company Hall in Havertown, PA. Registration - 4pm. Tournament begins - 5pm. $100 entrance fee includes food and drink throughout the evening. CASH PRIZES!!!

• $4000 in prize money guaranteed!
• $100 entry fee gets you $5000 in chips.
• Re-buys are permitted - $50 gets you $2500 in chips. You can re-buy as many times as you want within the first three (3) rounds. No re-buys after the start of Round 4.
• Add-ons are permitted while you still have chips - $50 gets you $2500 in chips. Add-ons must be purchased during a break. One (1) add-on per person.
• The following blinds increase every 20 minutes, with 15 minute breaks every two (2) rounds.

• Round 1: 25/50
• Round 2: 50/100
• Round 3: 100/200
• Round 4: 200/400
• Round 5: 500/1000
• Round 6: 1000/2000
• Round 7: 2000/4000
• Round 8: 5000/10000

The number of entrants will dictate the number of winners. As this is a charity fundraiser, SOAR will take 30% of the pot. The remaining 70% will be shared by the winners. If we have a pot of $10,000, SOAR would take $3000 and the remaining $7000 would be shared by the winners. In this example, the payout would be $4000 for 1st place, $2000 for 2nd place, and $1000 for 3rd place.
Armenian food will be served for dinner - shish kebab, pilaf, pita bread, hummus, baklava, etc. Snacks after dinner. Beer, soda, and H20 to drink. Self-deal. Tournament will be run via a computer program/laptop/projector screen.

As those of you who have hung out with Lambda Lambda Lambda member Steve O. for more than 30 seconds know, he once won a brand new car for winning on a Vh-1 show called Name That Video. Well, the video has gone viral eight years later, and now you can see Steve-O bring home the gold. I think the fact that this thing went up on youtube less than 3 weeks before Quizzo Bowl is no accident, as Steve is trying to get in your heads by showing off that he can name Lionel Richie lyrics. Don't let him do it! Part one is above. Here is part two (2nd part is better, as it's when Steve starts to dominate).

Hey gang, new quiz up on Comcast! It's sports quizzo, and you'll get to see what a diva I am during a mid- Round One rampage. See how well you know sports (and which fashion favorite I decided to wear for this episode) by going to On Demand>>Free Movies>>Sports Quizzo.

Phish is reuniting in my neck of the woods. They are playing a reunion show at the Hampton Coliseum tonight, much to the joy of the LAMEST WHITE PEOPLE ON THE FACE OF THE PLANET EARTH. God, that group is unbearable. There was a period of about two years of my life where I lost all of my closest friends because they were simply incapable of discussing anything except Phish. No, I mean literally, nothing.

• ME: Hey, did you see that game last night?
• THEM: (Blank stare, turns to other friend in group) Dude, you remember the third set in Dayton?
• FRIEND #3: Epic. Reminded me of their opening set in Pittsburgh. Remember when they led off with Tweezer in the Freezer and...

And so on FOR HOURS. It was no different than having every friend of yours joining a cult, except that at least cults are interesting. Well, I figured I must be missing something big, so I went to one of their shows in Charlottesville. Brutal. I mean, painfully boring. I'm pretty sure they played the same song for 3 1/2 hours. I spent one summer counting potatoes in a field, day after day, week after week, and that provided me with more stimulation than that concert did. And hey guys, what do you think about maybe injecting just a seed of rhythm and/or soul into one of your songs? You could hose me down with talcum powder and I wouldn't feel any whiter than I did when I left that venue. So what was my point? Oh yeah, so I've got a band signed for Quizzo Bowl. They're gonna be awesome, and nothing at all like Phish. Details on the band on Monday.

Go ahead pick up a copy of today's Metro. Notice anyone familiar on the cover? Yeah, that's Trivia Art, Foobooz CEO, occasional quizzo substitute, man behind the curtain at JGT.com and iSportacus, and guy who likes to drink. In fact, he's becoming one of Phillys most famous drinkers, as there is a front page story about him getting drunk in today's Metro (Online version here). Yes, we're in a crippling recession, and Trivia Art is getting paid to drink good beer. This is like on Cheers when Norm got that job at the brewery.

Alright kids, here's the latest: Tickets to Quizzo Bowl V will go on sale on Monday. They will be $25 a pop in advance, $30 a pop at the door. That includes your ticket to the event and liquid refreshment*, just like last year. As for food, the New Golden Palace will be offering Dim Sum throughout the evening. (That is not included in the ticket price.) As far as entertainment, I am working on both a band and halftime show. Will hopefully know something about the band in the next couple of days. I'm also waiting to hear back about the halftime act. In an effort to spur the economy, there is talk of prize money being bumped up a bit this year. More details to follow. Oh, and I'm still looking for a suitable South Philly locale for an afterparty. If you got any ideas, drop 'em below. Ard.

*if you know what I mean

The first case of the Spanish Flu in the U.S. occurred on this date in 1918 (how do they know that?), and I bring it up because I don't think the La Grippe gets the respect that it so rightfully deserves. It really helped define the 20th century as much as either of the World Wars, but gets almost no time on the History Channel. And people seem to know more about the Bubonic Plague (it was rats and "Ring Around the Rosie" and all that), which occurred in the 14th century than they do about a much deadlier plague that struck less than 100 years ago, and which could easily happen again. So, in an effort to offer our respect to the Spanish Flu, here are a a few Spanish Flu Facts:

• In one year, the Flu killed somewhere between 20-100 million worldwide, more than died in the four year reign of the Bubonic Plague (Stick that up your rosie, Plague fans).
• Strangely, the people most susceptible were people in the prime of life: those between the ages of 20-40.
• It infected 28% of America's population.
• Ten times more Americans died of the flu than died in World War I.
• This is probably the most startling fact of them all: The average life span of Americans decreased by ten years due to so many young people dying of the disease.
• It was a quick killer, often killing people the day after they contracted it.
• Franklin Roosevelt and Woodrow Wilson both contracted the virus, though they survived.
• The Spanish Flu caused the cancellation of the 1919 Stanley Cup Finals, as the entire Montreal Canadiens team contracted the disease, and it killed Canadiens' defenseman Joe Hall.
• A few years ago, scientists recreated the disease, which led to concerns of a major security risk.

Click here to learn how the Spanish Flu affected Philadelphia. 13,000 Philadelphians died in the pandemic. And why does this not surprise me: Certain undertakers raised their prices by more than 500% as grieving families sought proper burials for their loved ones. Ah, Philly.

Ladies, if you're interested in going out with me, I'm going to insist that you use this product to maintain your looks. Otherwise you're history. The only time you may take it off is when you are immersed in water. Otherwise THE MASK STAYS ON!

Trivia Art was in Dublin last week, and while there he snapped this photo of a picture of what looks to be an Irish guitarist who looks eerily like me. I haven't been this freaked out since that computer program told me I looked like Haydn Christiansen. I wonder what my Irish guitarist game was? Johnny O'Times?

OK, so a bunch of us had fun with a triples quiz last night at the Black Sheep, so I figured I'd give you a few of them. They work like this: I give you a hint for three things that when combined make sense. In other words, if I say, Seinfeld actor+Macedonian leader+Fitzgerald classic=Jason Alexander the Great Gatsby. Answers after the jump. Good luck! And if you've got any of these to add, drop 'em in comments below.

1. Diarist+architect+Tom Wolfe book=
2. 76er Great+90s R&B group+Great Running back of the 70s and 80s=
3. Ray Charles song+American adventure author+raincoat manufacturer=
4. Surprising boxer+Army General+famous American playwright=
5. QUADRUPLE! Ohio State great+Kansas City Royal+The Hitman+80s TV show=

(Today's late start brought to you by the good people at Cantina Los Caballitos, who served me way too many margaritas last night.)
Some of you who have been in the game for a minute may remember David Stone, the Johnny Cash impersonator who performed at the start of Quizzo Bowl I, and who even did a few songs at the Bards quizzo one night. Well today is the 40th anniversary of Johnny Cash's Legendary performance at San Quentin, and guess where David is? That's right, he's doing a show today at San Quentin. Pretty cool.

The only explanation we can come up with is that Brain Tierney's big dream was always to become the least popular man in Philadelphia since Rich Kotite. If that is indeed the case, he has succeeded. Turns out that while the Inky and Daily News were spiralling towards bankruptcy, Tierney was awarding himself an enormous raise! Does this guy actually possess arms and legs or does he physically slither across the floor?

Alright, just got done with Frost/Nixon. Great film. Frank Langella as Richard Nixon is absolutely phenomenal. They say Rourke is gonna take Best Actor, but man, Langella was incredible. I'm no Nixon expert by any means, but I've done a fair amount of reading on him, and Langella seemed to nail every aspect of his complex character. The paranoia, the insecurity, the Me against the World mentality. Alright, it's off to the 2:30 showing of Slumdog Millionaire. Be back with a report right after.

Quick piece of advice from a man who knows all the ins and outs of love: if you decide to hold a mistress contest to see which one of your 5 mistresses you should keep, don't have one of the losers take everybody joy riding. He staged a private talent show in May, without telling the women his intentions. An instructor from a local modeling agency judged the women on the way they looked, how they sang and how much alcohol they could hold, the Shanghai Daily said. The judge knocked out Yu in the first round of the competition based on her looks. Angry, she decided to exact revenge by telling her lover and the four other women to accompany her on a sightseeing trip before she returned to her home province, the media reports said. It was during the trip that Yu reportedly drove the car off the cliff.

If I ever lose a contest because the judge says I'm too ugly, and you're also in the contest, and then I invite you to join me on a "sightseeing tour", I would highly advise that you spurn my offer.

Hey kids, good news. You no longer have to have to wait until quiz time to play quizzo. It's now on your TV! Just go to Comcast On Demand and into Free Movies. Then click on Scene It Trivia. Go to History-1, split into teams, and get started! I think you'll enjoy the fabulous prizes!

Passport to Great Weekends will be shooting this week at JGT Quizzo. Samantha Brown, host of the show, will be hosting a round of the game. I'm keeping it a secret as to where it will take place. But it will be at one of the normal quizzo spots.

I live for this stuff. This kitty jacket is on sale on eBay, with the current bid at $59. Now why would a hideous sweater be fetching such a high price? Because of it's magical powers. Here are some of the amazing things that happened after the current owner bought the jacket:

I went into the kitchen to get a drink and shake off the dream, but tripped in the living room and fell on my face. I turned on the light and there was an original Nintendo set up to my TV. I sold my Nintendo years ago to buy a 89 Upper Deck Ken Griffey rookie card. How did this NES get there? I can't say for certain, but I'm pretty sure the Kitty Jacket had something to do with it. So I turned it on and played. Mario had the Tanooki suit on and couldn't lose it despite getting hit by the fire spitting flowers. I beat the game finally all these years later! In the morning the NES was gone!

I had a pickup basketball game that night and scored my triple double. I even dunked once on a guy who's 9 inches taller than I am. Having this new found courage, I tempted fate and jumped a shark tank on my motorcycle. I successfully cleared the tank and gave a rousing speech afterwards to a huge crowd by the side of the tank. Three months later, people still remind me how that speech changed their lives.

But it does come with a disclaimer: Who knows what powers the jacket will bring the lucky winner of the auction? Yes I did get it on with the ladies, and yes I did get to sit front row at the Grammy's the other night. But that might not happen to you. Apple iPhones 3G networks did browse faster when I wore the jacket and gas prices went down in my neighborhood, and the Celtics won the 2008 NBA championship but that might not happen to you.

On Monday the 16th, the Chip Chantry One Man Show is back. This time, Chip is going to be exploring love not only in our own world but throughout the universe. Also on the Chip Chantry One Man Show will be Dennis Horan who is, quite frankly, the funniest man in Philadelphia. Seriously. In addition, there will be performances from Animosity Pierre, Dan Goodman, a musical guest, a Dating Game, and an educational filmstrip, "My Earthling Valentine." Hope to see ya Monday night at 8:30 p.m.

Mmmmm, corn dog pizza.

On Thursday at the Good Dog, the 2nd round was multiply the numbers 11-20 by the number 77. One of the people playing was David, a math teacher and enthusiast. If any of you out there are math fiends, you're gonna love the properties of the number 11 Dave was kind enough to share with us:

Thursday's problem, "Provide every multiple of 77 between 77x11 and 77x20," becomes a cinch when you know a simple math trick involving multiplying by 11.

*Multiplying By 11*
Take any number (for convenience' sake, let's deal with 813, but we could really talk about ANY number of ANY length). In order to multiply it by 11, all we need to do is write down the first number; add the last two numbers; add the next two numbers from the end; and write down the last number. In other words, 813x11=8[8+1][1+3]3, or 8943. 42x11=4[4+2]2, or 462. Etc. The only catch is remembering to carry the 1 if you get a two-number sum greater than 10: 491x11=4[4+9][9+1]1=[4+1][3+1]01=5401. Thus 77x11= 7[7+7]7=847.

More 11 weirdness after the jump...

...hope it doesn't bust you trying to shoot somebody. (Thanks Jeanette for sending this in. See anything wacky I should post on the site? Send it in.)

"You're not going to go to a bar and find someone dressed like Tom Coughlin in New York."

And good news. It's over seven minutes long.
If you want to take a trolley that has no tracks
Then Frankford will treat you to the max
With restyled ETBs that give a smooth ride
With a style that makes you ride with pride

Koob and I talked about the Wire for like an hour last night, then today he sent me the video above. If you haven't watched The Wire yet, do yourself a favor and get on it. Best show ever. Anyways, we decided we should list our top 10 most intense scenes in the show. I list my top 10 after the jump (don't read if you haven't seen the show yet.)

Ok, long story but I was in Wilmington for the weekend, and then I left my keys at a friends house so I missed my train and had to wait two hours for the next one. Anyhow, I suspect you guys were able to somehow manage without my sharp tongued witticisms for the past few hours, though it must have been tough on you. Thoughts on the game: It was damn boring for the first 3 1/2 quarters, but the last few minutes were pretty awesome. That being said, I really can't understand people saying it was better than last year's Super Bowl. IT WAS NOT EVEN CLOSE. Part of the reason was because this game simply had less meaning than last year's, with the Patriots going for a perfect season. And while Santonio Holmes was awesome, there was nothing in this game which rivaled the David Tyree catch. Finally, this was a sloppy game. There were penalties on seemingly every other play, and there was no offense at all in the 3rd quarter. Yes, it was an entertaining game, but simply not as good as last year. ANother thought: Why didn't anybody remind Kurt Warner he still had the Greatest Receiver on the Planet Earth at some point in the first three quarters? And congrats to the Steelers for getting the memo the Eagles never did: might wanna play the safeties deep. That guy Fitzgerald is pretty good at catching the deep ball. As for the commercials, they were ok. I liked the one above, the Cash4Gold with Hammer, and the MacGuyver Pepsi ad, but none of them really blew my doors. Anyhow, I'll post pics of last week's winners soon.

America's most ludicrous event is going down as we speak (In fact, Koob of the SK is in one of the contestant's entourages.) Here's the write up I did last year for the Metro. I received a fair amount of hate mail for this one.

Emotophilia is a sexual fetish in which an individual is aroused by seeing other people vomit. And the largest congregation of emotophiliacs in the world assemble annually for Wing Bowl, hoping that their perverted desires are met by gargantuan wing-eaters and scantily clad strippers. These emetophiliacs are predominately angry men embittered by a lifetime of following Philadelphia sports teams (I am going to coin a new term here: emeto-masochists). A smattering of scantily clad sirens, hoping to get a quick rush of self esteem by exposing their greatest assets, populate the arena as well.

I arrived on the high one gets by staying up all night with friends, ready to tackle a new and unusual experience, combined with a fair amount of alcohol. We entered the arena, and as our buzzes wore off, our eyelids began to gain weight. That is because Wing Bowl is a 15 minute event stretched into a 2 ½ hour spectacle. The contestants’ lap around the arena floor takesn an interminable amount of time. The first couple of guys to enter gain a fair amount of attention due to their scantily clad escorts, who occasionally satisfy the crowd’s incessant chants of “Show your wrists!” It is initially amusing, but after you’ve seen the first eight pairs of fake wrists, you’ve seen them all.

Then as the crowd begins to to doze off, the Jumbotron displays the highlight of the 2001 Wing Bowl, when a losing contestant released a torrent of vomit that rivaled anything you emitted on your most drunken night of college. And the crowd goes wild, their emetophilian desires met.

I began to fall asleep, until a fan angrily screamed at to “Wake the heck up!” (Apparently, I was sullying the integrity fo the event by falling asleep.) And so I awoke to what seemed like Dante’s seventh level of hell: slothful men, surrounded by women of vice, cheered on by the types of people who root for career ending injuries in football games, my faith in humanity irreparably damaged.

*Ok, so they were chanting something that sort of sounds like wrists. And the guy next to me chanted this at least 400 times, without ever uttering another sentence.
**He did not use the word “Heck.”

Rakim, one of the greatest rappers of all time, turns 41 today. Happy Birthday Rakim.

Just a quick heads up that this weeks quiz will be harder than normal. I'm pretty angry about the perfect score from last week and have decided to take it out on you, the players. Therefore, I am guaranteeing that no-one scores 100 points this week, not even that girls basketball team in Dallas. Any team that scores 100 or more will get an extra $10 and their photo taken with me dejectedly handing them the money. My money and my dignity has never been safer. Brawhahahahaha! We kick it off tonight at O'Neals at 8 p.m. and the Bards at 10 p.m.

Quick update on bowling night Saturday: Our good friends at Pub and Kitchen have gotten in on the act, donating two kegs of Yards Brawler for the fundraiser. If you can find a better deal than $20 for a night of bowling and good beer, let me know about it. In case you're wondering where 16th and Shunk is click here for a map view. It's 3 blocks off the Oregon stop on the orange line. (North one block, west two blocks). To RSVP, click here.

When I saw the plane make the emergency landing in the Hudson last week, I thought of my good friend and quizzo regular BMT (above, red sweater), who was involved in an extremely hairy crash landing a few years ago. I asked him to relate his harrowing tale to us. Here it is:

When I lived in Boston I used to fly back and forth to the Buffalo area every other week. Like many misguided people, I was attempting to maintain a long-distance relationship which is always pointless and doomed. On one such trip I was flying to Rochester, NY but not until a lightning storm kept me sitting at Logan airport for 5 hours.

I had never been real keen on flying—-I was a jumpy, nervous psychological weakling in flight—-and so it wasn’t so much a relief when I finally boarded the plane. Because I made this 1-hour flight so frequently, I had a routine where I’d whine internally for the first 35 minutes of the flight and then get up and go to the bathroom, somehow knowing that when I zipped-up we’d be making the descent. For some reason this made me feel better.

While completing my routine, the pilot came over the PA and mumbled something I couldn’t really understand. In my mind of course, he was telling us that the wings had fallen off and that we were uncontrollably hurtling towards Earth, though in reality he was probably telling everyone about the Sky Mall or the weather. But when I opened the bathroom door and saw the passengers looking at each other with panic, I knew my fantasies about falling out of the sky were finally coming true.

Just a quick reminder that we're having a bowling fundraiser for the Marian Anderson Rec Center where I volunteer as a basketball coach and where numerous folks from the quizzo community act as instructors in a weekly tutoring program, called the Rising Stars Program. I will have tickets to the event on me all week. They cost $20 and include all you can bowl and all you can drink. We'll have snacks available as well. The party is this Saturday at 7 p.m. at St. Monica's Lanes in South Philadelphia. 100% of the proceeds will go toward supplies, repairs, and field trips. Hope you can make it! TO RSVP, click here.

I might hit up the Poe house this afternoon to check out the new exhibit. I highly encourage you to celebrate his big day with at least reading one of his poems or short stories. Here's a great site to read some of his stories. I've been hooked on Poe ever since I memorized The Raven in the 7th grade oratory contest (losing controversially). I was captivated by not just his works but by his tragic life, and how the two are tied in so personally in his work. His brilliance lie in writing about characters who were evil and of no redeeming value, and still he made us somehow relate with them, bringing us in contact with the darkest corners of our own minds. His poetry was as haunting as his short stories, and he believed that the death of beautiful women to be the "most poetical topic in the world". A good example of this is one of my favorites, Annabel Lee.

Hey kids, we're going to have a Super Bowling Party on January 24th at St. Monica's Lanes at 16th and Shunk, from 7-11 p.m. It is all you can drink and all you can bowl for $20, and all of the proceeds will go toward the basketball and tutoring program I help with at the Marian Anderson Center. No, this is no bowlizzo, just good old fashioned bowling. Should be a lot of fun. Oh, and garish bowling outfits are highly encouraged. Ugliest bowling outfit wins a prize. I will have tickets for sale all next week at quizzo.

Both the Yankees and Mets are moving into new stadiums this year, so both have added special patches to the sleeves of their jerseys. The Yankees patch looks great. The Mets patch looks like a hotel key card at Howard Johnson's. Here's what uni-watch says: So let's skip the metaphors and jokes and just proceed straight to the simple, declarative truth: This is the worst sleeve patch in MLB history.

Hey kids, thought I had a fill-in for quizzo tonight but it fell through, SO NO QUIZZO TONIGHT. Which is actually kind of cool cause Internet access down here isn't real easy to come by and it would have been a pain to do questions. Plus I have more shopping to do. Yesterday, my sis and I hit up thrift stores in Virginia Beach and Norfolk, and let me be honest with you: IT WAS AWESOME. Seriously, it is so much more fun and less stress than regular Christmas shopping. I highly recommend it. (Though I did make a small concession and buy my niece a lawn mower at Toys 'R' Us. Not a real one, you dimwits. One that blows bubbles.) But like I said, Thrift Store Christmas* is the new Internet Christmas shopping.

*I can say "Christmas" now instead of "holidays" because I'm in the South and liberals haven't won the War on Christmas down here yet.

I'm off to Virginia Beach to go shopping with my sister. To make shopping more interesting this year, we've decided that gifts have to be homeade or bought from a thrift store. I already completed my kick ass homeade project and now it's time for the shopping part. In the meantime, here's a couple of Christmas things you might like:

• New York Times last week had a piece about It's a Miserable Life. Pretty interesting. Also brought to mind the great piece Slate did a few years ago about what a swingin' place Bedford Falls was.
• In case you didn't read it last year, do yourself a favor and read the Donspiracist piece on whether or not Santa Claus exists, and what the government is doing to suppress the truth about Santa. This is really a great piece.
• Finally, be sure to read the "Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Claus" letter. Everybody knows the phrase, but have you read the letter. Good stuff.

Ok, so I've been working on making my Christmas present today, which has involved lots of old photos. If you're wondering just how freaking adorable I was when I was a kid, I just posted a ton of old photos on Facebook. (I think you gotta friend me first to see 'em, though. Ok, ok, so maybe this is just a desperate attempt at getting more cyber friends. Whatever.) Anyways, where were we? Ah yes, doing what I love the most, talking about me. I have also posted some pretty good stuff on Totalphilly lately.

• Philadelphia Flyers crash a Temple Frat party.
• Lil' Adolf Hitler discriminated against in New Jersey. This is an outrage!
• My thoughts on Nutter closing the libraries! My most self-righteous piece in a while.
• Finally, a few thoughts on Eagles fans.

It's been a while since we heard from Quizmaster Chris, who does for righteous indignation what Babe Ruth did for the long ball. His blog posts lately have been few and far between, and most of them just had to do with quizzo. We thought that the days of reading his brilliant, angry diatribes against the likes of Dirty Franks and Big Daddy Graham were over. Which was a shame, because when Quizmaster Chris gets on a roll, he is a extremely entertaining writer. But fear not, QC is back on the warpath. A company named Centocor, who apparently didn't pay him what he was owed for a private function he did, bears the full frontal force of an attack that contains all the subtlety of a Mack truck in a library. This one is a dandy. A few highlights: The latest excuse that I "can't" get paid is that they now want me to fill out a W-9 form, a brand new demand that as late as this past Friday was not being made, and had not been brought up from when I was contacted to do the quiz months ago until today.

I always love the use of the word "can't" in an organization when someone chooses to do the wrong thing. See also Nuremburg defense. And note also the result of its use...I've made it very clear that Pennsylvania law states that I'm owed this money, and no amount of post-quiz mid-level-management office petty tyrant jiggerypokery un-makes their debt to me. I just want my damn money. The next step is I sue in Small Claims Court, with damages and costs, and win.

Centocor, one may learn through the information superduperhighway, is a bunch of morally challenged mother-stabbers and father-rapers. The public should avoid doing business with them and avoid their products.

Did he really just call them "Mother-stabbers and father-rapers"? Amazing. And did he really just pull the tried and true "small claims court" card? Quizmaster Chris, our worries about you missing a beat were thankfully misguided. Kepp fighting the good fight. Viva la quizolution!

This year, we are raising money for the Covenant House Pennsylvania, a program that provides homeless, runaway and at-risk youth with a number of services, including a Streets Outreach Program, a Crisis Center, and a transitional living program. The majority of youth who use the program are between the ages of 18 and 21, and many have nowhere else to turn after they age out of the foster care system. The teens then work with a youth advisor and a social worker to come up with a plan to get them in an apartment of their own or in a transitional housing program. In addition to the overhead costs, the money we raise will also go toward SEPTA tokens so they can go to job interviews, pay for college application fees, help them secure proper identification, and take them on field trips. I am asking each person to donate at least a dollar to play quizzo this week, with 100% of the proceeds going to this worthy cause. There is also a Wish List of things the program is looking for for Christmas. For a look at the items on the wish list, click below. If you have anything that you'd like to provide on the wish list, call 215-923-8350.

Grandmaster Vassily Ivanchuck (No relation to Grandmaster Flash) refused to take a drug test after the Chess Olympiucs and now could face a two year ban for doping. Yes, doping, the kind of stuff bike riders do in the Tour de France. But how in the hell could this help a chess player? ...when a chess player nears the end of a match and comes under mounting pressure, he can hyperventilate, and his pulse can shoot up to 160 and his arterial blood pressure to 200. In that situation, beta-blockers could help a player keep his head clear. Um, sure, whatever. This just sounds creepy and Big Brotherish. So does a chess player named Robert Hubner, once ranked third in the world. He considers doping tests to be a bureaucratic show of power, and he believes that the tests are degrading and deprive the individual of rights and responsibilities. Drug tests will be introduced into Germany's federal chess league next year, and when that happens, says Hübner, he will give up his career immediately. What a badass. This is a hell of a story. There hasn't been this much controversy in chess since the Turk.

Because I've seen it about 200 times and I still laugh every single time. "This is a farewell kiss, you dog" would be a great team name this week, by the way. Speaking of funny, this is pretty hilarious, though most certainly crude and not safe for work.

Zima is calling it quitz. Our favorite malternative iz no longer. I can't believe they are giving up after only 15 years of abject failure. I can "clearly" zay that I have never zeen anyone drinking a Zima zince 1995. That's why I think it waz primed for a comeback, and why dropping it now is zuch a bad idea. I mean, rich white people like it. Geez, first they cancel Crystal Pepsi, now thiz. Finally, can anyone explain thiz ZIMA commercial to me? It makez no zenze.

A man named Dimitri the Lover teaches men how to use his tricks to seduce women, and he's speaking tonight in Toronto. This is one of those random things I just kind of stumbled onto after Steve-O sent me this link, to Dmitri leaving messages for a girl in San Francsico. (WARNING: Women, if you listen to this message, you will be helpless against Dimitri's irresistable charms. He finds you extremely elegant. He couldn't take his eyes off you.) Anyhow, I did some more research and came across this, an invitation to a speech Dimitri is giving tonight in Toronto. A few highlights: So the theme of our next TORONTO REAL MEN meeting is “STUFF MY STOCKING WITH HO HO HO’s”. It will feature Dimitri The Lover lecturing for 3 solid hours on WHERE to find depressed holiday sluts and HOW to approach them in a cordial yet efficient manner. Dimitri The Lover will teach you how to DETECT bored, lonely, highly impressionable shoppers, CHARM them by employing an approach which takes advantage of their “holiday blues”, SEDUCE them through the utilization of proven techniques that he has developed over time, then sexually ENSLAVE them through the employment of magical religious thought protocols.

My magical religious thought protocols have been unemployed for a little too long. Ok, so then I stumbled onto his Toronto real men website. Apparently, you have to get certified through his class and you will become a great lover and he will give you business cards saying you are certified. According to his website, his Worship the C*ck workshop courses are only $2997. What a bargain! But if you just wanted to attend tonight's meeting, it's only $29, and if I had a ride to Toronto, I would so be there.

UPDATE: Uh-oh. Be careful around Dimitri. He's had some run-ins with the law and sounds a little unstable.

Something struck me as funny about this sign at the Municipal Court Building today (long boring story about taxes, I'll tell you later). Anyways, I like the fact that apparently there has been a lot of persistent knocking on this door. Like, it's kind of a big problem, big enough to make a sign about it. And whoever is doing the knocking just keeps on going, way longer than would be expected. And apparently, the person doing all that knocking should not come into contact with the civilian population. I'd feel like kind of a doofus if I went up to a municipal court employee and was like, "There's some dude who won't stop knocking on that door. I would let him in, but the sign says not to." I'm wondering if it's just the courts way of saving us from a landshark. Any other theories? Please post them below.

Alright, we've got 5 lanes down, 7 lanes remaining. If you are a solo player or a duo and want to play, shoot me a line and I'll see if I can put a wild card team together. Please note: I know I said 8 p.m. last time but I'm moving it up to 7:30 so we have enough time to get some extra bowling in after bowlizzo is done. Also, I have decided to make it the Richard Nixon Memorial for a touch of class. For more details on the event, click here.

Here's a fun fact for you: GM loses $1,271 every time they make a car. How is a business like that sustainable, and why bother saving it? If I had to pay the bars $20 every time they let me host a quizzo, my business wouldn't last long. I'd hate to see so many people lose their jobs, but in a capitalist society, there is a need for business to, you know, make money at some point. How can American Taxpayers be expected to bail out a failed business that is certain to hemorrhage the money we give them every time they make a car?

RELATED: Is it the union's fault?

• I will have Bowlizzo tickets on me tonight. Hit me up. (And oh by the way, Rakim: Quowling would be a terrible, terrible name.)
• Totalphilly is looking quite a bit better now that we dropped all the bells and whistles. Here's something I recently did on the history of the airport, and here is something written solely to piss off Dark Horse John: Why we don't need this stupid soccer stadium in Chester.
• Finally, in case you missed it: Yes, I do have a Spiderman wallet. I got it for $.50 at a yard sale. It's totally awesome.

Hey y'all. Still kicking it down in VA. Decided to hang around another night, so I'm gonna cruise back up tomorrow. Had a great Thanksgiving with the fam. Played in the alumni B-ball game on Friday night, did fairly well, then hung out with a few friends from elementary school (above). Hope you guys had a good holiday too. I'll have scores and pics up tomorrow (I accidentally left my scoresheets and my camera in Philly.) Also, announcement about bowling party coming in a few minutes.

Getting ready to hit the road to head down to the Eastern Shore. Above is a tourism video that will give you a bit of a taste of it. And yes, I will be dining at least once at the Exmore Diner. If you ever take Route 13 South, you have to eat at the Diner! For breakfast, get the SOS, and for lunch either get the Chicken n' Dumplings or the Ronnie Burger, still the best burger I've ever had.

I hate to be the bearer of bad news right before the holidays, but the quizzo community lost a dear friend this past week. Trevor Pierson (above, right) of We Got Nothin', a regular team at O'Neals, passed away this week. Trevor was known for being the Kingpin of a 2-3 man team that often knocked off teams of 8, and was almost always in the running. He also would growl down the bar when he thought my questions weren't asked in a clear enough fashion, and he was quick to commiserate when Uncle Chollie would make a questionable decision that got my blood pressure up. Here is a remembrance of Trev from a couple of guys that hung out with him at O'Neals: In addition to being a great friend, Trevor intelligence’s never failed to impress. He’d regularly finish the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle in less than an hour. He could single-handedly compete against teams of six or eight people in Quizzo. Trevor knew something about everything. He could tell you that Catfish Hunter was the last Major League pitcher to have 30 or more complete games in a season or that James Madison was the President historians called the Father of the Constitution. Trevor was the quintessential Renaissance man. (Click below to continue)

Our first two short mysteries have been major successes, if by major success you mean we've wasted a lot of time doing stupid s***. But we are on the lookout for our third mystery/adventure. Perhaps a Christmas mystery of some sort? Anyways, we need ideas. If you have any mysteries, post them below. And if you haven't seen the first two, I highly recommend them.

• Episode One of the Mystery Solvers: Johnny's Basement.
• Episode Two of the Mystery Solvers: The Tunnel.

You need to see this, if you haven't already. It's a mix of the Pietasters and Pat Robertson. The guy on the far right behind the piano is absolutely amazing. The video was shot in the early 80s, and here is an interview with the lead singer today. Alright, I have to head out to handle a "situation". I'll let you know how it goes once it is resolved.

Thought some of you might find this amusing: that the guy who gave us hotchickswithdouchebags.com is getting sued by a douchebag who says that he has suffered humiliation due to being called a douchebag. Also, thought I'd point you in the direction of the short piece I did on Drexel students embarrassing themselves on ESPN today and my thoughts on the Roots becoming the Jimmy Fallon house band.

RELATED: Hot Chicks with douchebags.

With today being Tonya Hardings 38th birthday (Happy Birthday T-Money!), I decided I would check out her personal website, and on it I found perhaps the most amazing thing I have ever seen. There was a section called "Fantasy" which I clicked on out of curiosity. It was even more amazing than it sounded. Apparently, Tonya had some sort of contest in 2000 to see who could come up with the best fictional sex story using her as a main character. I am not kidding. Now usually, if you are a semi famous figure and some stranger sends you a fantasy story in which they fantasize about having violent sex with you, you probably call the police, right? Not our Tonya! She declared that the psycho who wrote that story the winner of her contest. She is such a rebel! There were others that were equally unbelievable. This next piece (From Fankie) comes from a story about a guy who robbed a bank and took Tonya as a hostage: We jumped in, Tonya driving and together we tore through town, passed Carl's Gas Station, then down a long country road with tons of money, Tonya's t*ts bouncing‚ and the sound of a siren wailing somewhere in the distance. We took a corner hard and a hubcap spun loose, disappeared off into a ditch on my right. I’d had a lot of breaks in my life, none good. And now I had resorted to bank robbery. What a life. Maybe not perfect but then again‚ Tonya had joined me, good or bad. Perhaps my luck would change. Oh yeah, Fankie. Your luck was about to change, alright. Here's another one, from Sam:

A good day to remember the power of dreams, and take inspiration from people who defy all odds to achieve theirs, no matter how improbable. God Bless America.

Apparently my choice of Buddy Holly was a little too somber, so I've "jazzed it up" a little. Hopefully this will satisfy the critics. This song usually does.

Yeah, I know I've been a total slacker, waiting almost a week to get this thing done. Oh well. Made a short little music video about the sights and sounds I saw on Broad Street last Wednesday. Hope ya like it.

Just got some devastating news. I assumed that Punkin' Chunkin' was going to be next weekend. It is usually, after all, held the first weekend after Halloween. But apparently it is held on the weekend of Halloween if Halloween falls on a Friday, as I just found out that it took place this past weekend. Damnit, damnit, damnit to hell. I was in the midst of making my upcoming weekend plans around it. This really blows.

Only four quizzes this week, thanks to that damn baseball team and their "Earthwide Competition". Another blowout at the Good Dog, but classics at both the Bards and the Vous. Gotta give the Bards game of the week status, though. Sexually Attracted to Fire eeked out a 111-109 win over the Sofa Kingdom, as the Kingdom got the first 38 questions correct, but missed the last two to allow the Fire to cool them off. There were also a couple of Kingdom members on the Western Omelette team that fell to pieces late at the Vous on Wednesday, missing three of the final four questions to fall to Duane's World 101-97. The choke was on the Kingdom this week.

Had a great weekend down in VA, and am on my way back up now (in Salisbury.) I'll be posting the "Phillies Before and After Round" this afternoon. In the meantime, I was watching Antiques Road Show last night and the name Stanford White came up. I remembered about his Velvet swing and his murder and all that, so I started looking up stuff on my phone (internet service down at the farm is spotty at best). Anyways, thought I'd share, since it is some really cool stuff. The short story: world famous architect Stanford White was known for enjoying the company of teenage girls. One of them was Evelyn Nesbit (left). When her husband found out that White had taken her virginity when she was 16, he decided to kill Stanford White. He did so during a show at the Madison Square Garden. News of White's kinkiness came out at the trial (he had a large velvet swing at his house that he liked to push naked teenage girls on) and it became a national sensation, the first "Trial of the Century". Here's some good reading for a slow Tuesday as we wait for the World Series to start already:

• Evelyn Nesbit's wiki page.
• The building that played host to some of White's kinky antics was torn down just last year.
• Here's some more info on the murders at PBS.com.

I opened my basement door Monday night to grab the trash and suddenly saw a cat take off running down the stairs into the basement. I was fighting a bad cold, so I poked my head down there and looked around, but didn't stay long. Left the cat some food and water, and figured it would be easier to find with some help from daylight. Went downstairs yesterday during the day, and still no cat. After giving up, left more food and water. This time, the cat hasn't really eaten any of it. I went back down today, and really gave the place a good solid once over. Took Malia with me, to see if she could hunt the cat down. Still no cat, but I did find a mysterious hole in the back wall that is covered up by a piece of plywood. I pulled the plywood back a ways and saw that there were old birthday cards in there. My curiosity is killing me, but so is my cough, so I can't really do any high intensity exploring yet in the superdusty basement. But once I get all the way over this cough, I will pull back the plywood and let you know what I find there. It will be a lot like when Geraldo opened Capone's safe. In the meantime, I'm hoping that the cat somehow got back out the way he got in (through a cracked window), because I don't know what else to do. Perhaps we should form a cat-search team and meet down there after the Phils game tonight.

Alright kids, it's about that time again. We're starting up our basketball league at the Marian Anderson Center (17th and Catherine), and we're going to continue our tutoring program, which was a pretty big success this past year, culminating in an awesome summer program.

TUTORS: you will be needed on Saturdays from 11-12 a.m., where you will be working with small groups of kids. I am looking primarily for math and english people. The program will run from October 25th to December 13th, with us taking off the weekend after Thanksgiving. You are expected to show up for each of those days and simply cannot miss more than one, since the same group of kids will be depending on you each week. Please do not volunteer if you cannot follow through! I don't want to be a jerk about this, but it is a responsibility and not showing up because you're hungover, tired, want to go hiking, etc. does more harm than if you don't show up in the first place.

COACHES: Coaches are also wanted. There is a coaches meeting this Friday night. The times that you coach on Saturdays will depend on what age group you want to work with. The kids range in age from 7-17. No coaching experience is necessary, though a fair knowledge of basketball is. Coaching will run through March.

If you are interested and are dependable, please contact me and let me know. Pretty much everybody that did it last year is coming back, so I think that you'll find that this is highly rewarding work.

When I was in the 4th grade, a kid named Matt H. (Front row, 2nd from right, with the pink ears. That's me next to him, in all white.) used to always pick on me, and I would always come home in tears. Finally, my mom had had enough. So she said, "Call him and challenge him to a fight tomorrow." I was astounded. My mom has never been a violent person at all, but apparently she realized that every once in a while, a person's gotta stand up for themselves (and she knew that I was going to be calling his bluff.) So I called Matt H. and the conversation went as follows:

• JGT: Hey Matt.
• Matt: Hey.
• JGT: Hey listen, I'm just calling to challenge you to a fight out by my swingset at 10 o'clock tomorrow morning.
• Matt: Um, hold on a second. Let me go ask my mom. (long pause) Hey, my mom says I can't fight you tomorrow. But do you want to go to the movies tonight?
• JGT (Who was scared to death that he might accept the challenge): Yeah, sure!

And Matt H. and I have been friends ever since. So when I read about this mom in Dover who drove her daughter to the house of a girl who had been picking on her and told her to fight, I said, "Right on!" Yeah, the cops are pissed and the media won't give you a fair shake, but every once in a while you gotta stand up to a bully, critics be damned. And, according to this story, the bully got her ass beat. Good on ya, I say. Maybe if the bully had invited her to the movies, none of this would have ever happened.

Now a lot of you probably think that I just sort through missed connections on craigslist everyday, hoping against hope that someday someone will leave a missed connection for a certain quizmaster. That accusation is nothing short of outlandish, and I can't believe you even made it. That being said, I was searching through missed connections on Craigslist the other day for the first time in my entire life and happened to come across this. Awwww. I don't know who it is, but needless to say I have a crush on them too.

In your honor, we'd like to play this song we thought was awesome in the 80s before we had any idea who the Beatles were.

Finally a website that adores Manayunk as much as we do! Looks like it isn't updated all that often, but I found the following write up fascinating: The one major thing I noticed is that either Manayunk is becoming more like Olde City, or otherwise people are just beginning to dress like it. Whatever happened to Manayunk being the chill, summer spot to go when you're not down the shore? I didn't realize that leaopard-print minis on girls and v-neck tight black tees on guys were in-style for a Philly suburb outdoor deck bar. I mean, come on, people!! Oh, and another thing...stop shoving your tongue down your boyfriend's throat in public! That's just gross.

Apparently the author of this column just opened her eyes for the first time. Manayunk has long been the worst place in the entire Philadelphia area, including Old City. I mean, I have had a good time in Old City before. I have never had a good time in Manayunk. Of course, I haven't been back for a couple of years now. I think I need to make a triumphant return and have an awful night.

• Wanna know a few things to hate about LA as we gear up for the NLCS? Click here.
• Stand up Comedy tonight at the Shubin Theatre (407 Bainbridge).
• Palin's saying that Obama likes terrorists, Obama is bringing up the Keating Five. It's getting hot in herrrrrrre.
• Anybody got an extra seat for Friday night's game? Please let me know!

I have long loathed gangster rap for basically ruining what was art and replacing it with, as Little Brother put it, a Minstrel Show. But I have to give Ice Cube credit. He is one of the few gangster rappers out there with a fairly high degree of intelligence, and his latest song in which he talks about what an ultraviolent society we live in and how that isn't gangster raps fault is certainly thought-provoking, whether or not you agree with the message. That, to me, is art and precisely what rap should be. But 9 times out of 10 it's just some dope talking about many people he's shot, a tired spiel that's been played out since 1992.

A couple of interesting notes this morning:

• A piece in the Times about being a Game Show Host.


• Here's a 10 question Sarah Palin quiz.


• Here's an 80s movie quiz from Flixster.

We had a rare 4-blowout week, where every quizzo on Tuesday and Thursday was determined by 12 or more points. That left us with two dandies, at the Black Sheep and at the Locust Rendezvous. At the Rendezvous, the Jams still stayed in a bit of a funk, but were able to pull out a workmanline 87-85 win over Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly. So our match of the week has to go to the Black Sheep, where Ther's Always Money in the Banana Stand held off a furious rally by the Axis of Evil Knieval who after a shaky start got 22 of the final 23 questions correct. But four misses in the 50/50 round turned out to be the deciding factor in a 107-105 win for the Banana Stand. Duane's World, meanwhile could have pulled off the win but missed the weekly double, which the two previous teams did not, and had to settle for a 100 point 3rd place.

OK, so a little background. Chip and I decided to enter a 24 hour film festival over the past weekend. We also invited local comedian Kent Haines to be a part of the program. Here was the deal: they sent you a topic and a prop at 10 p.m. on Friday night, and you had to turn in a three and a half minute movie on Saturday night at 10 p.m. We got the email at 10 p.m. The topic was bullies and the prop was a rose. We were going to do like a Karate Kid type film except with robots, but then decided against it. Then, we decided to do a documentary, but after shooting for most of the morning, had nothing good. So then we just decided to make a short film about a bully and a nerd. It turned out pretty awful, as you can see here.

So at 7:15 p.m., with less than three hours remaining in the contest, we decided to start from scratch. We did a one shot film, but although that one was better, we thought it might offend some people. So after working for 24 hours we decided not to enter at all. Despondent after our latest failure and $85 poorer, Chip and I did what anyone would have done under the circumstances: we got a late night dinner at Johnny Rockets.

Every day at 5 p.m., WXPN host Jim McGuinn has a theme for his next 6 songs. Yesterday, the theme was "Good Times". Here was his lineup.

• The Cars - Good Times Roll
• Harry Nilsson - Let The Good Times Roll
• B. B. King - Let The Good Times Roll
• Led Zeppelin - Good Times, Bad Times
• Brazilian Girls - Good Time
• Chic - Good Times

Pretty good set list, though a little heavy on "Let the Good Times Roll". Here are a few more "Goodtimes" selections he could have made:

• The Johnny Goodtimes theme song.


• Where Have all the Good Times Gone by David Bowie


• The Goodtimes tv show theme song


• Goodtimes (I Get High) by Styles P


• Alan Jackson also has a song called Good Time but I don't like it that much

.
Anybody got any more Good Times songs that haven't been mentioned?

As I told ya a couple of days ago, I'm one of the bloggers now on totalphilly.com. On tap so far today: vote for Philly as America's Best city, what Mickey Rourke has in common with the moon, and Hasselhoff's new movie with Miley Cyrus. (Trust me, the more you learn about this one, the more you'll be convinced that truth is stranger than fiction.)

I've started working on a new project called totalphilly.com, for which I will be a regular contributer (Newsier stuff is handled by someone else, the goofier stuff by me.) The site is kind of in beta right now, still tinkering with stuff, before the official release next week. Still a lot to be done in the next week to tighten it up, but I think it'll be pretty cool once we get the stuff done. In the meantime, please give it a test drive and leave your thoughts below about what you like and don't like, and what you think we should do to improve the site.

I will be doing a lot more on the streets stuff and Philly stuff on that site, which will mean a little bit more focus on this site. Instead of the smorgasboard of sports, politics, anger, etc. that this site currently is, it'll be a bit more focused on quizzo, which is probably what it should be to begin with. I hope that my regular contributers here will become regular contributers on totalphilly.com. And of course, this will still be my personal site, so I will still let you know when I make an ass out of myself or get shot down by a female (or both). Yes, you will still find the scoreboard, pics of winners, etc. on this site, as well as what's going on in the quizzo world.

Pottsville's finest sounds of nature band loses one of their members in a tragic mishap, and the rest of the crew must try to carry on.

• Part One of Weathering the Storm-The Introduction.


• Part Two-Inner turmoil Begins to tear the band apart.


• Part Three-The Welcome to the Jungle album lands the band in a world of legal trouble.

The entries to the first annual Alf Landon Bad Writing Contest have been pouring in, and let me be perfectly honest: they are hilarious. I want more! Please send your entries in today so I have something to read over the weekend! You may enter as many times as you want. Deadline is this Monday at 5 p.m. Winner gets two tix to Natural Science Museum and a $20 gift certificate to the Bards.

Philebrity posted something about the column I wrote in yesterdays Metro, blasting some of my picks. Which is all fine and good. The sole reason of writing a column like that (to read the column, click here) is to spark some light-hearted debate. But he took a few liberal swipes at quizzo which need to be addressed. Early on, he writes: Quizzo is f****** unbearable. (Since when is going into a bar and drinking and bullshitting simply not enough.) Even more unbearable, however are the lumpen hordes who make quizzo their weekly hobby/habit, at the expense of actually having a real conversation...

Wow, where to begin? First of all, "the Philebrity team" finds quizzo unbearable without ever having played my quizzo. Don't hate the playa if you've never played his game. Since when is going into a bar and bullshitting simply not enough? The statement is nothing short of preposterous, coming from a website whose entire ad revenue comes from places trying to get you to go to a bar and listen to bands and DJs. Why isn't going into a bar and bullshitting simply enough on those nights? There is plenty of real conversation at quizzo. It may not be about some crappy indie band that sounds exactly like that other indie band that was hot last year, and so the convo may therefore be indecipherable to you, but it is conversation nonetheless. He goes on: it's just that, if you ask us, this is no kind of job for a grown-ass man. This coming from a man in his mid 30s whose chief source of income is blogging. Industry rule #4080: A hustler should never knock the hustle.

Part of quizzo's success is that it hasn't been dragged down by the insufferable tight jean wearing whiners who have no sense of humor and dress like circus clowns. There were plenty of them that used to come to our shows at the Trocadero, and let me be honest: they were the least interesting and least fun people I have ever met. So please continue to blast quizzo, as your efforts as King of the Hipsters will continue to keep those miserable scarf wearing rock star wannabees away. And for that I thank you.

A few months ago, JGT unveiled a dope rap jam on his Myspace. Well, he just did a new song for FOX network, and if any of you were unsure as to whether or not he had sold out, his debut rap video should put those questions to rest. This may be the whitest thing he's ever done. Including quizzo.

Last night after quizzo I went to say hi to a friend who works as a bartender in our fine city. You may not know this about me, but I am somewhat of a flirt, so at one point in the evening, I decided to send her a joke text message (trust me, I would never actually be this bold): "You so want me". But as soon as I sent it, I realized that I had made a mistake. I had accidentally send it to the 9 dudes I had just moments earlier sent a text to about how much I hate the Phillies. Frantically, I tried to stop the message. I cut off the phone. Too late. Within seconds I had two messages. Within minutes I had numerous responses, which are posted below:

• NATE: Not as much as you might think.


• BRETT: Uh, wrong Mary.


• KOOB: You're absolutely right, Johnny.


• ART: Boy I hope you sent this to the wrong person/gender.


• But the best answer came from GARBO, who very matter of factly wrote: I assume this is depression from the Phils crappy work today. I won't count them out til this next series.


• STEVE-O apparently got the message this morning, as he wrote: Drink a little last night?

I have to admit I am a little disappointed that I did not hear from D-Mac or Vaughn. And as for Adam, who runs the Sidecar, well, as long as I never show my face in his bar again I should be fine. Here's the impressive part: something even more embarrassing happened later, but I think I'm gonna save that one for my comedy act.

The Boss with the Hot Sauce!

• The debut of JGT's first ever rap video is tomorrow afternoon. Just a little heads up. It's pretty dope. In anticipation of the video to drop, I'm gonna give ya some of my favorite Philly rap videos.


• Reef tha Lost Cauze is the best rapper in Philly. Just my opinion but damn. Give it up.


• Above is Gillie, King of Philly. And here's a little Beanie Siegel. This is a great song.


• And just for old times sake, here's some Typical American from The Goats. And while we're kicking it Philly Old School, we gotta throw in a little Schoolly D.

You have a long history of coming to johnnygoodtimes.com to learn more about love from the "Love Maestro". I have given you beauty tips, dating tips, and the peace of mind that comes with knowing that you are learning from a man with a long history of success in the Game of Love. Well, I want to share one of my latest secrets to help your love life: pick up this book, written by my totally awesome editor Dorothy Robinson and some guy. Dorothy is an extremely funny writer, and this isn't some crappy melange of cliched dating tips. It's silly and fun and spot on. You can trust me, I'm the Love Maestro!

I would highly encourage anybody who is looking for an authentic Philadelphia experience to go to the Blue Horizon this Friday night for boxing. Yeah, it was an awesome spot for Quizzo Bowl and it is undoubtedly an awesome spot for boxing. But even more than that, it is the best place to people watch in Philadelphia, bar none. Guys dressed like extras in 70s Blaxploitation flicks sit side by side with doctors in pleated khakis, North Philly teens in hoodies and oversized white tees wait in line for hot dogs next to meathead frat boys in Abercrombie shirts. I have never been anywhere in Philadelphia that hosts such a crosscurrent of our population. I am definitely planning on going. Lemme know if you are. Here's the info on friday's bouts.

RELATED: Column I did in the Metro on boxing at the Blue Horizon.

90210 and the New Kids on the Block both make their comeback on the same day? I feel young again! Reviews for the New Kids album are...ok. Newsday says: Not only does the Boston quintet's first new album in 14 years surpass the usual cobbled-together-so-we-can-tour reunion record, it is actually the best album of their multiplatinum career. Woo-hoo! I knew it! I knew it would be great! But wait, Radar isn't so sure: It's mature, we suppose, and it continues throughout the album, but it only succeeds in making things uneasily skeezy...In fact, it's almost all voyeurism and sad attempts at acting horny! Truth be told, I kind of like the Summertime song (above). No seriously, it's not that bad. Oh, and get this: they recently slammed the Backstreet Boys! "Backstreet's records sound the same as before - their music didn't evolve like ours has," said Danny. Oh boy, I hope this doesn't turn into a Biggie Smallz-2Pac situation, but I'm afraid that's just where this is heading.

Heading down to the Eastern Shore for a long weekend of sitting on the couch and watching college football with my homeboys. A few interesting quizzo notes before I depart: New record set last night for lowest winning score ever, as Bad Parenting won with a 59 at the Good Dog. In all fairness though, last night's quiz was one of my toughest ever. The Jams have now won 7 in a row, and the Bounty is up to $30 on Wednesday night. Another Bounty offered: The Sofa Kingdom won their 5th in a row last night, so there will be a $20 Bounty on their heads on Tuesday. In other news, I could be broke by the end of next week. Anyways, been an interesting week on the website. Here are a few highlights:

• Polls for best looking members of 90210, male and female.
• Weather or Not unveils their new Myspace page and their latest video.
• How good will the Eagles be this year?
• An introduction to my favorite teacher.

The 50/50 round last night was Beethoven or Mozart, and one of the questions was "Which one was rumored to be black?" The answer is Beethoven. This from africawithin.com: Frau Fisher, a close friend of Beethoven, described him with “blackish-brown complexion.” Frederick Hertz, German anthropologist, used these terms to describe him: “Negroid traits, dark skin, flat, thick nose.”

Emil Ludwig, in his book “Beethoven,” says: “His face reveals no trace of the German. He was so dark that people dubbed him Spagnol [dark-skinned].” Fanny Giannatasio del Rio, in her book “An Unrequited Love: An Episode in the Life of Beethoven,” wrote “His somewhat flat broad nose and rather wide mouth, his small piercing eyes and swarthy [dark] complexion, pockmarked into the bargain, gave him a strong resemblance to a mulatto.”

So was he black? The Straight Dope says that the evidence is extremely thin.

Our boy Brandon Walsh turns 39 today, but while reading about him I came across this depressing note on wikipedia: Priestley is a big fan of the band Barenaked Ladies and went to many of their California concerts in the early to mid-1990s. He eventually met the band and in his desire to help them succeed, suggested that he direct the music video for "The Old Apartment", and used his fame to persuade American stations to air it. He did just that, and also invited the band to play at the "Peach Pit After Dark" on an episode of 90210. Lead singer, Ed Robertson, continues to cite him as being instrumental in their American success.

I HATE the Barenaked Ladies and will never forgive Jason Priestley for making them popular. I hope your birthday sucks.
RELATED: Vote for hottest male character in 90210.
RELATED: Vote for hottest female character in 90210.

Anybody that votes for Donna is an idiot.

As some of you know, I helped out with a summer school program at the Marian Anderson Center for the past 6 weeks. We took 10 teenagers from our basketball program and had them do schoolwork for two hours in the morning and then they would do civic stuff in the afternoon (getting people registered to vote and doing a leadership program with Kenyatta Johnson, the recently elected State Rep. from South Philly.) There were also several field trips, which included a trips to Harrisburg, City Hall, Constitution Center, and even the Fox Studios. We had our share of challenges, but all in all it was a pretty big success, as all ten of the kids who started the program finished it.

I recruited the teachers from the quizzo ranks, and they were AWESOME. I want to give a special shout out to Laura (Satan's Minions), Bret (Western Omelette), Erin, and Garbo (Sofa Kingdom), who were fantastic and who all put a tremendous amount of time and effort to this program.

We had our graduation on Monday. In English, the kids had read Friday Night Lights, and I decided, "What the heck, why not try to get Buzz Bissinger come and speak to the class?" I figured it was a long shot, but it was worth a try. So I tracked him down, and sure enough, he agreed to do it.

After the teens gave their closing speeches, Bissinger walked to the front of the crowd of about 35 people and launched into an emotional spiel about sports and education. He railed against how seriously we take sports in this culture ("They're putting in instant replay at the Little League World Series! Little League!") and then drove home his point: without an education, these kids don't stand a chance. "I don't want to crush any dreams here, but the odds of you making it to the NBA are infinitesimal. But your odds of being a doctor, or a lawyer, or an accountant are not." He railed on about Boobie Miles, the most tragic figure in Friday Night Lights, whose career came to an end with a knee injury, and who now, 20 years later, spends time bouncing from menial job to menial job and going in and out of jail for petty crimes. "I wish Boobie was here tonight, so that he could tell you how much he wished he had taken his education seriously."

All in all, it was an awesome speech, and when it was done, the kids all went over to Bissinger to thank him and ask for his autograph. Buzz signed the books, told the guys that he would be back to see them play when they start back this October, and headed out. Pretty sweet way for us to wrap up the summer. And keep in mind, I'm probably going to be looking for volunteers to help us out this fall.

Another discussion from last night at Cherry Street Tavern (which is a great bar by the way). I'll do a poll about the ladies on the show soon, but we'll start with this one.

Pretty mellow weekend. On Friday, went to Helium to watch the semifinals of the Philly's funniest competition. Congratulations go out to Kent Haines, who took the title on Saturday. Saturday night I stayed in and got a little bit of work done around the house. Sunday, Chip, Aaron and I got to work on Part 2 of the Weather or Not Story. I should have it posted either this afternoon or manana morning. We still need to decide whether or not it's too gross. Then, last night, checked out Bindi, the Indian spot on 13th and Sansom. Very good, definitely worth checking out. Gonna work on the Weather or Not video a bit more, then I'll be posting photos of last weeks winners in a little while, so check back in a couple of hours. Oh, and happy birthday Malcolm Jamal Warner.

Off to class, and then we have a field trip to the Constitution Center, so I'll be out of commission for today. Scoreboard up this weekend. Oh, and we have a Bounty Bowl coming up next week on the Jams at the Rendezvous. They won their 5th in a row on Wednesday. Also, tonight Chip Chantry continues his run in the Philly's funniest competition at Helium. If you wanna see him and a bunch of other very funny guys competing to be Philly's funniest, call 215-496-9001 and make your reservations for the 7:30 show tonight.

This week, I asked if Houdini pulled off the Chinese Water Torture Escape before or after 1896. The answer was after (He did it in 1911.) Here he discusses his escape from the Torture Cell. And here the question was came up last year: Was Houdini murdered? Turns out that Houdini and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle began as good friends, but turned into arch-enemies due to their feelings about spiritualism, and there are some who think that Doyle and his Spiritualist followers may have had something to do with Houdini's death. Pretty interesting story either way. And here's something else you probably didn't know about Houdini: There is a museum dedicated to him in Scranton. Yes, you heard me, Scranton. And their website was apparently built in 1994.

Oh wait, apparently they did, along with just about every WWF wrestler of the 1980s. This is amazing.

A bus driver in Vancouver has been quizzing riders on his bus route since 2003, and given away over 4,000 candy bars since.

As you all know, the Applebees at 15th and Locust is my favorite restaurant in the world. Well, things there just got even more exciting, as they are hosting an open call for models for the Price is Right tomorrow. Try to top that, Good Dog!

Went to see Chikara Wrestling at the Alhambra Center on Sunday. Texted a bunch of friends to see who wanted to go, and April Annie was the only one tasteful enough to accept (What is wrong with you people? Seriously? You can't even get excited about live wrestling?) So we headed down there and truth be told, we both acknowledged that it was one of the highlights of our collective lives. The inspiration came a few weeks ago, when we got dinner at Distrito and saw all of the wrestling masks on the wall. I looked up Lucha Libre Philadelphia online and this was as close as it got. Most of the wrestlers wore masks. The wrestling was surprisingly well done. In fact, there were several moves that simply had to hurt, real or not. There was a lot of outside the ring action, with bodyslams and aerial moves on the concrete. There was even a female wrestler, Sara Del Rey, who fought the men. April cheered loudly for her and her teammate, Bobby Dempsey (above). I rooted equally hard for their opponents, the Fabulous Two, who wore feather boas and long gowns, a la my hero, Ric Flair. The scene was much more Sci-fi convention than meathead. The wrestlers apparently inspire their fans to draw little comics and make paintings, which they then present to the wrestlers after the event is over. After the final event, the two largest wrestlers (Brodie Lee and Claudio Castognoli) started going at it, and the next thing you know a full scale riot involving every wrestler there had broken out. Finally, the Commisioner of the League had to come out to try to calm things down. There was a Chikara regular sitting next to me who kept giving me the backstory to all the wrestlers, and when the Commissioner came out and said "There is only one way to settle this," the guy turned to me and mouthed the words "cage match." Moments later, his hunch proved correct, as the Commissioner said, "We're going to need to have our first ever cage match right here on September 7th." I am so going to be there.

RELATED: Click here to see more rasslin Pics.

After going to wrestling yesterday in South Philly (details and photos to follow at a later time), April Annie and I headed to the Cantina for a margarita. When we got there, we noticed a pretty kickass rainbow dominating the sky of South Philly. It was even more spectacular because there were streaks of lightning crackling through the rainbow and the sky was a strange orange color. I realized this morning that I had caught a little spark of lightning in one of my photos. Thought it was kind of neat.

As if 08-08-08 wasn't eerie enough, get this: both Drew Lachey and JC Chasez are celebrating their 32nd birthdays today. So trippy. Scoreboard and pics of a couple of quizzo cuties on the way this afternoon. In the meantime, read the story of the German terrorists who were supposed to wreak havoc in the US during WWII, only to completely screw it up. It happened on this date in 1942. And read a bit about the trouble detectives are having solving a sheep sexual assault case-because the suspects are twins, and they only think that one of them is guilty.

...Could Randy "Macho Man" Savage defeat Robin Leach in a game of croquet with a little help from a midget.

• watching a quadripalegic operate a forklift.
• watching George Bush read.
• watching Larry Mendte do the Superman.
• watching a man with no thumbs use chopsticks.
• watching Ryan Howard hit a slider from a left handed pitcher.
• watching a blind man drive a dump truck.
• watching JGT trying to pick up a woman at a bar.
• watching John Popper take off a life preserver.

Got any other ideas for what watching Howard play first base is like? Post 'em below.

• A few weeks ago, we did a Quarter Back Quiz, where I told you what was on a commemorative quarter, and you told me what state I was referring too. Well, here's an online version where you can actually see the quarter. From our good friends at Mental Floss. (I got 12 out of 20.)
• A pretty cool new trivia site just went up: Triviaworld.com launched yesterday. Haven't had time to check it all out yet, but it looks pretty impressive.
• Ok, so this is more quizzo related than trivia related, but nonetheless fun. Most of you regulars know Chill Rob A, member of the once dominant Team MAGMA. Well, this past week he explained the famous Whispering Wall in Fairmount Park in a video on WHYY's website. Rob looks about as comfortable on camera as Adam Eaton does on the mound. (via Quizmaster Chris's site.)

Jason Giambi turned his season around when he grew a moustache, and since then the 'stache has started to make a comeback of sorts, even though Giambi shaved his off after a recent slump. Jam Master Sean and I are currently working on a project that will get plenty of you growing one. So be ready. More details to follow. In the meantime, you can look for inspiration in the 2007 World Moustache Championships. These 'staches are nothing short of breathtaking.

I went with seven of the kids in our summer program at the Marian Anderson Rec Center, one of our teachers, and recently elected State Rep Kenyatta Johnson to the State Capitol building in Harrisburg this past Friday. And as hard as this may be to believe, the Capitol building is one of the top five most spectacular buildings I have ever stepped foot in. I am not kidding. Here is a link to some photos of our group and the building. I would highly suggest a road trip to check the place out. Chip also tells me that there is a Pennsylvania Museum across the street which is pretty sweet as well. Once there we got to hang out for a few hours with the youngest Representative in Pennsylvania, Tony Payton (left), only 27 years old, who has an ambitious plan to get more lower income children into college. The guys had a lot of questions, and he answered every one. I like this guy. I like Kenyatta too, who regularly comes in in the afternoons and helps out with the anti-violence program. I saw Kenyatta and Tony again on Saturday night at the Weekend of Peace basketball tourney at 19th and Washington. (I swung by for a few minutes since some of the kids I coach were in the tourney.) One of my guys won the 3 point shootout. A guy called only "Elevator" won the slam dunk contest by jumping completely over a guy who was about 6'5". It was pretty damn incredible. I was not asked to participate in the slam dunk competition.

Barney Frank has recently introduced legislation that would legalize marijuana. "What, is he crazy?" you ask. Yes. The answer is yes. Apparently Barney Frank doesn't realize that marijuana causes people to murder their parents, listen to jazz, and hang out with Mexicans. But something tells me that there is something he isn't counting on: the courage of his fellow Congressman, who will almost certainly strike down this law.

Naturally, we here At JGT headquarters are distraught over the bankruptcy of Bennigan's, our favorite Irish restaurant. No more Guinness Glazed Popcorn Shrimp. No more Kilkenny's Country Chicken Wrap. No more "Oh Baby" Back Ribs. Remember all that fun we used to have at Bennigan's? All the laughter? Remember that time Donnie put his baby back rib in the pitcher of Mountain Dew? Fun times, fun times. Oh well, for authentic Irish authenticity, we've still got Kildare's.

A formidable squad composed of some Duane's World guys and some Sofa's pulled off a 107-98 win over My Nickname at School Was Scurvy Purvy at the Franklin Institute on Saturday night. Early in the contest, Johnny's latest rival, Captain Babyface, threatened to take Johnny's bounty from the night's quiz. Babyface was a real nightmare, shouting out answers and using his phone during Round One before kicking Johnny's ass. Fortunately, Johnny was taught the mystical ways of the East from Mr. Pierogie, and in a heroic final scene was able to fight off Babyface in an epic battle that has Broadway buzzing. We had a good crowd (about 60) and set a new record for most kids at a JGT event (lots). All in all a fun night, and I went and checked out the Pirate exhibit on Monday, and it was pretty cool.

I have long said that one of the main reasons that I want a championship win in Philadelphia is because I want an excuse to flip over a Hummer from Jersey and set it on fire. Sadly, I may not get that chance. Hummers are becoming obsolete with rising gas prices, and the wonderful people that own them are having a hard time selling them. They are also being mocked when they go out in public. This is nothing short of a tragedy. Unless you're like me, and you find a certain thrill in bad things happening to bad people. (And every single person who owns a Hummer is a bad human being. Every single one. Other than Jersey drivers, I can think of no group of people who I universally hate as much as Hummer owners. Of course, in this area those two groups are usually one in the same.)

Never been to Eastern State, so I'm gonna go check it out now. Or maybe go see the pirate exhibit. Got a buddy in town, so gonna do something touristy. Anyways, pirate quizzo was pretty good. And I think a couple of the rounds were some of my finest work. More info this afternoon, as well as photos of the winners. In the meantime, hope Adam Eaton enjoys his time as a Lakewood Blueclaw (which is where I really hope they send him.)

• WHO: Me and You.
• WHAT: Pirate Quizzo, which will be very loosely based on pirates.
• WHEN: Saturday, July 26th 8 PM
• WHERE: Franklin Institute, 20th and Ben Franklin Parkway
• WHY: Why not? They are promoting their Pirate exhibit, which looks pretty awesome.

Other details: Yes, I will be hosting. The winning team gets free admission to pirate exhibit. Yes, there will be a cash bar. WARNING: There has been talk of real pirates accessing the event and disrupting quizzo. Security is especially tight to try to keep pirates out, but we can't guarantee anything. I would suggest keeping your gold bullion at home or inside your wooden leg. For more details, click here.

Former astronaut and moonwalker Dr. Edgar Mitchell claims that aliens have been visiting us on earth, and that they are much more sophisticated than us. "I've been in military and intelligence circles, who know that beneath the surface of what has been public knowledge, yes - we have been visited. Reading the papers recently, it's been happening quite a bit." He's right, by the way. I've dated a couple of them.

A writer from Philly Mag called me a few weeks ago, told me I had won Best Of...Quizzo, and asked me a few questions to include in the publication. No kidding. So needless to say, I was a bit surprised when the latest issue carried no mention of quizzo. Seems pretty strange for someone to be told that they won, then getting zeroed. Being a conspiracy buff, I wonder if this had anything to do with me having my trophy taken away. And if they indeed took away the prize because of that, all I can say is: I didn't mean it, Philly Mag! Promise! I hate this city too! Please, I need this! Things are bad! I had to cancel at Good Dog two weeks ago! For the love of God, please give me my trophy back! Pleeease!

Word on the streets is that there will be pirates at Saturday nights quizzo at the Franklin Institute. While I know that this is worrisome to some people, as pirates are known to maim and kill innocent people for sport, JGT's Security of the First World detail is doing everything they can to keep the event safe. "Are we concerned about the possibility of pirates?" asked Goodtimes at a recent news conference. "Absolutely. But I guarantee everyone attending that they will probably be safe. Maybe." More on this frightening development as it develops.

Wow, what an incredible 9th inning. After wrapping up quizzo last night, I was preparing to head over to the Bards, but decided I'd watch the Phils go down quietly in the 9th. However, Mets manager Jerry Manuel inexplicably pulled Johan Santana after only 105 pitches, and the Mets bullpen looked like, well, the Mets bullpen. And then, Jimy Williams decided for some reason to use So Taguchi. The conversation at O'Neals went like this:

JGT: Best case scenario here is Taguchi striking out. They can't take a double play.
O'Neals Patron: Why aren't they hitting Bruntlett?
JGT: They never lose without a rally in the 9th. Never.
All: Holy ****** ****! Get over his head! Get over his head! Yes! Yes! Yes!

The entire bar erupted with high fives all around. It was an awesome win, and allowed us to forget for a few moments that our rotation consists of Cole Hamels and pray for rain.

(Updated changes in bold) Alright gang, should be a great show this Saturday. The Pirate exhibit sounds pretty sweet, and we're gonna do a Pirate quizzo Saturday night at the Franklin at 8 p.m. Yes, all questions about pirates, more or less. Now, I'm not sure I can make it due to some previous business plans, but my good friend Randy the Buccaneer told me he can fill in if need be. So we'll see. However, I must warn you: there have been rumors of actual pirates attending, and they are armed and dangerous, so you would probably be safer to like go to Glam or something. Basically, it's gonna be free, and the top two teams walk off with the Booty. The winning team will walk away with a prize package that will include passes to check out the Pirate exhibit. They are encouraging reservations by calling (215) 448-1254. Here's a National Geographic article on the ship that is on display.

My long time nemesis and overall jerk Chip Chantry is hosting a comedy show at the Khyber tonight and trust me, you'll want to go because this guy who does a character called "Security Officer Barnes" is performing and it is one of the most insane and hilarious characters I have ever seen. It's only $5, and yeah, you'll have to sit through Chip's dumbass set but the rest of it should be hilarious. Also, Chip just did a little write-up about Austin, Texas, and it's only slightly longer than the Constitution, except less funny. So if you're in an airport and your flight just got delayed until tomorrow afternoon, you should really check it out. Also, the show has Steve Gerben and Secret Pants on it, and they are both pretty funny. Whatever.

Remember that awesome North Korean hotel that has never been opened and is totally creepy in Pyongyang? Well, great news! It's back under construction! I am so fired up about this.

• Some good stuff over at the Kerri Lee Blog. Yesterday I posted some odd jobs (including fortune cookie writer and dog food testers), today I posted some weird news. Check 'em out.
• Want to become a McDonalds CEO and destroy the world to make cheap burgers? Then play this video game (It's a little too hard for me. I drove Mickey Dees right into the ground.) And while we're on the topic of McDonald's, this is just absolutely mind blowing: Jesus freaks are boycotting McDonald's because Mick Dees supports gay marriage. The comments on this site are absolutely priceless.
• Excellent piece by Bill Lyons about the Spectrum. I only ever saw a Phantoms game there, but I got chickenskin several times while reading this column. Great piece.
• And quizzo tonight at Rendezvous at 6:15 p.m. and Black Sheep at 8 p.m. See ya then

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I decided to go to Church for the first time in like 5 years on Sunday. I've been thinking about attending for a while, and waking up pretty refreshed on Sunday, I figured, "Why not?" So I went to the First Unitarian Church at 21st and Chestnut. Long story short, everyone was really nice, there were a couple of cute girls, free coffee, and a very mellow environment (no Bible passages, weird chants, etc.) It was nice.

After church I was strolling around Chestnut street when I saw an old lady walking down some stairs. And when I say old, I mean really, really old. In all seriousness, she was at least 95 or 96**, and as fragile as a fall leaf. She had a blue boot on her right foot, and really seemed to be having a hard time navigating the stairs with her cane. A gentleman in front of me asked her if she needed any help. She ignored him. I assumed it was because she was so old that she couldn't hear him. I was feeling especially charitable, having just attended church and all, so I walked over and stuck out my arm toward her.

"Mam, would you care to take my arm?" I asked, as sweetly as I could. She looked up and stared me dead in the eye, and replied, with her voice rising, "I don't need any F***ING help. You're the 5th F***ING person to ask me if I need any help and the answer is no." Dumbfounded, I sort of staggered away. The gentleman who had asked her before me, a husky black man in his early 50s wearing an Atlanta Hawks jersey hollered, "You didn't have to say that! You did not have to say that!" at the woman. She paid him no mind. "Gonna ruin somebody's Sunday like that! Ain't no sense in it."

"I know," I added to the man in the jersey. "And I just got out of church."

As BMT stated when I told him that story Sunday night, "Sir, you just got shot down by a 95 year old woman." I guess that's what I get for going to church and for trying to help old people.

**Possibly in her 100s.

Prom was awesome. The action kicked off when me and Casey (purple tux, below) decided to meet up at the Suit Corner at 3rd and Market at 5 p.m. to grab matching suits. We got a great deal, as we each got our swanky tuxes for $49.98. The guy who waited on us was really cool. I highly recommend the Suit Corner for all of your shopping needs, particularly if pink tuxedo is one of the things you are shopping for. Casey and I picked up our dates (mine was RPS legend April Annie) at around 9 p.m., then walked to the Positano Coast at 2nd and Walnut to meet with the lovely Ginger and her prom date, Lance Romance. It was the perfect pre-prom place. The food was pretty decent, but more importantly, it had various vistas of the Italian coastline, so we got some sweet prom photos. Only regret of the night: Ben Franklin was walking out as we were walking in, and I was gonna ask him to get a photo with us but I totally froze up. Damnit, I'm such a choker!

After dinner and photos we headed over to the Moshulu for the actual prom. Needless to say, since this was prom, we totally hooked up a flask. We're such badasses. None of the chaperones caught us, either.

Unfortunately, we got there right after a sweet hip hop set, and they started playing 80s white people music which is fun but kind of hard to dance to, at least for me. The crowd was pretty dressed up for the most part, but in 80s gear, not in classy prom gear like us. There were several celebrities on hand as well, including Steve-O, Chill Rob A, Proust Scholar, and Quizmaster Chris.

Finally, I heard the opening piano riff of OPP and it was on. That was followed by Rumpshaker, so I was totally getting down.

After prom we all headed back to April Annie's place for the post party. We were all pretty exhausted from all that dancing by then, so we just sat around and shot the bull until the lovely Ginger became allergic to April's cats and then the party was over. But all in all, a magical prom evening, without question the best prom I've been to in the 2000s.

You can check out more prom photos over at Ginger's website.

I ain't getting scores done in time. I got too much prom preparation to do. You'll live. I'll post 'em manana. In the above photo you'll see me before senior prom ('93). And the man in the front? You might recognize him. That's Black Elvis, who we randomly ran into on prom night. My date was in the middle with the black dress on. Elodie Danjou. Beautiful exchange student from France. I only dated exchange students back then, and for the most part things were great. At least until they moved away and I cried my face off and tried to figure out a way I could find a sustainable future in France, despite having no knowledge of the language and having no Visa or special skills.

• Abraham Lincoln: Werewolf? (You'll notice Chip in this, but this isn't the one we were working on the last couple fo days. Hopefully we'll be able to get that online before too long.)
• I got turned away at the door of Tattooed Mom's last night because I didn't have my license on me. As we turned back around to leave, Chip angrily screamed at the bouncer, "Johnnygoodtimes.com. You should check it out sometime! He's like 35!" I'm like an NBA player, rolling with an unruly posse that is furious when we don't get our way.
• You can play Connect Four here. Some guy dedicated his entire thesis to solving the game in 1988, and was successful. So if you have about 6 or 7 hours to kill you can read his thesis and master the game and then beat Connect Four guru Beyonce.

Apparently the thing Chip and I put together went over great last night. Finally after years of unmitigated disaster from Wet Firecracker Productions, we have a winner. Hopefully, we can show it again soon. In other news and notes: 80s Prom at the Moshulu Friday night. It is fairly absurd how excited I am about this. (Sorry ladies, I've already got a prom date. But don't give up hope. I still need a date for Blobfest.)

Sorry I been a little light in content lately. Just got back from VA yesterday, and things been like Whoa ever since. Had to do my Metro column this morning and then helped Chip out with a show he's putting on tomorrow at the Shubin. I think it's gonna be pretty hilarious, and I am hoping to have him perform this sketch again (possibly at a quizzo) in the near future. Anyways, here's a few interesting developments:

• A website called Schmitten Kitten recently did a write up about the Quizzo Cutie. The Good News: The women who write the website look kind of hot, and just as importantly, they like dorks. The Bad News: They apparently play with the hipsters in NoLibs. Please ladies, bring your game to Center City, and allow me to introduce you to some real losers Quizzo Cuties.
• Prank calling never gets old.
• Do the right thing and vote for Pat the Bat to get to the All-Star Game. Listen, I don't care about Carlos Lee's RBI total, just vote for Pat, dammit!

• First off, I did a pretty damn good piece on the Kerri Lee site about the top 10 things you didn't know about the Founding Fathers. This is good stuff. And here's 10 fun facts about the 4th of July on MSN.


• Philebrity has a pretty good roundup of stuff going on in the city this weekend, as does Philly.com.


• Just when you think Philly has turned you into a cynical curmudgeon who still can't let go of the fact that you were once a part of this city's manufactured history scam, dressing in knickers and a vest while serving Martha Washington Turkey Pot Pies to bad tippers from Sioux City, you remember that Ben Franklin and Betsy Ross just fell in love and are getting married tomorrow and I mean I'm sorry but this is the cutest thing ever.

A few of the fellas and myself went and grabbed some drinks and watched the Phils game at Noche last friday. The service was just terrific. Our server even agreed to have her photo taken with us! Also the nachos were half off on fridays, and they were pretty good. But the service was even better. I highly recommend Noche in the early evening before the D-bag crowd rolls in.

This, ladies and gentleman, is why we are the greatest nation on earth. Watch how deep the water is when he stands up. The only people more amazed than you at this American's greatness are the Japanese people in tuxedos who are gathered around the baby pool.

It was on this date in 1881 that Guiteau shot President James Garfield at a train station in Washington, D.C. So who was Charles Guiteau? Basically, Guitea was a psycho creep who loitered around the White House every day, assuming that if he persisted, newly elected president Garfield would make him ambassador to Paris. But Garfield decided that, for some reason, he would prefer not to have a crazed lunatic as a foreign emissary, so Guiteau was repeatedly denied in his quest. Fed up, Guiteau went and bought a revolver, and on July 2nd he shot the President as he prepared to board a train. Strangely, part of Garfield's entourage at the time was none other than Robert Todd Lincoln.

The real tragedy of Garfield's death, 11 weeks after the shooting, was that it was caused not by the bullet but by doctors. After the shooting, numerous doctors (including lead physician with the amazing name of Dr. Doctor Bliss. Yes, his parents had named him Doctor.) stuck their unsterilized fingers and instruments into his body in an attempt to find the bullet. Mistakingly believing that the bullet had lodged in the intestine, doctors ordered that Garfield eat almost nothing, further weakening the President and essentially starving him to death. Alexander Graham Bell devised a metal detector to find the bullet, but since Garfield was lying on a bed with a metal frame, the machine malfunctioned. (Incredibly, no one at the time could figure out why). Garfield was moved to the Jersey Shore on September 6th, and died in Long Branch, New Jersey on September 19th.

Guiteau's trial was a circus, with him reciting poetry and songs in the courtroom, and taking out a personal ad in the New York Herald for a nice Christian lady under 30. He began making plans to run for president in 1884. His insanity defense was denied, though he was obviously out of his mind, and he was hung on June 30th, 1882, almost exactly a year after he had shot Garfield. The Philly connection: Part of Guiteau's brain is currently on display at the Mutter Museum.
RELATED: Excellent 2006 article in the New York Times about the poor performance of Garfield's doctors.

• Two years ago at this time, American was introduced to one of the bravest superheros of all time, as QuizzoMan fought off Wrong Answer at a wild superhero quizzo at the Franklin Institute. There is another quizzo scheduled at the Franklin on Saturday, July 26th. Details forthcoming.
• Three years ago, JGT checked out the action at Live 8, where a fight almost broke out during Toby Keith's set.
• Four years ago, the infamous "crackhead steals Johnny's laundry" situation developed. JGT never did see that laundry again.

My boss at the Painter (pop. 246) Experiment Station had tried to get me to quit for weeks. He had taken a fellow employee to a Crab Festival a few days earlier while leaving me to put thousands of beans in little styrofoam cups filled with dirt. But I was either too stubborn or too dumb to quit, so finally he had to fire me. I remember it vividly, him saying that there were going to be some changes and my help was no longer needed. I was bitter, because the year before I had worked at the same place for a different boss, and it had gone swell. In fact, if you ever come home with me, I can show you where I helped build a well, the only manly thing I've ever done in my life. One of the perks of the job had also been working with the delightfully eccentric and beautiful Robyn (below), as we would get together and hang out on Saturday nights, listening to Choppy's Goodtime Oldies on WESR 103.9 FM. So needless to say, I was bummed about getting canned. It was late June, and I still had another month and a half before school started back, so I needed to find a new job. Where I'm from, jobs for college students aren't exactly plentiful, so my dad (who is a farmer) told me he could use some help selling produce in a parking lot. So I loaded up my dads old Ford pickup with cantaloupe, watermelon, and sweet corn, and headed down to R&C Seafood in Cheriton (pop. 499). And I stood in their parking lot for the next month, hollering, "Get your fresh cantaloupe!" to people coming out of the store. That was July of 1995, which you might remember as the month where hundreds of people in the US died because it was go unforgivably hot. Over 90 degrees for 28 straight days, if I remember correctly, and I was standing out on asphalt, raising watermelons into the air to motorists zooming by on Route 13. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Wow, Johnny, you're like a superhero, risking your life to help humanity. Whereas Batman puts it all on the line to fight evil, you put it all on the line to provide people with sweet corn." And it's true. To add to the grumpy old man portion of the story, I was getting paid minimum wage and it was like $4.25 back then. So after an 8 hour day in the baking sun I was driving the pickup home with a cool $34 in my pocket (before taxes). But on Saturday nights I would head down the road to Robyn's house and we'd hang out and listen to Choppy, in his slow Southern Twang, call out, "I hope y'aller ready fer a lil' Motown, cause here comes Diana Ross and the Supreeeemes." Life was good. But the job sucked.

P.S. I just started using my scanner, and since nothing interesting happens in summer, I'm probably just going to regale you with a lot more long, boring stories about the Good Ol' Days. You've been warned.

• First off, anybody got any exciting plans for watching the Euro final on Sunday? Anybody know of any Spanish or German bars where people will be going wild (and where there will be Spanish and/or German women who are not celebrating a birthday that day?). Ludwig's woulda been perfect for this. Got any good ideas, drop 'em below.
• Posted a thing on Kerri Lee's site lately about the origins of common phrases and cliches. Think you might get a kick out of it.
• There are rumblings that the Phillies were stealing signs from the Red Sox in their recent matchup. This from the Boston Globe (via PhiladelphiaWillDo): The Sox played the Phillies last week, and one major league official thought the Phillies were taking Boston's signs. Yep, cheating got Barry Bonds 762 Home Runs, cheating got the Patriots three Super Bowl wins, and cheating got the Phillies blown out twice in three games by the Red Sox. Mon dieu, imagine how bad we'd be getting beat by the American League if we weren't cheating.
• The Bad News: Making a dumbass rap video about killing cops while waving a gun around will get you arrested, especially if your son is filming. The Good News: Making a dumbass rap video about killing cops while waving a gun around and getting arrested is definitely gonna help move units of your forthcoming album. The kids love it when you keep it real!

I just came across the following sentence in Saturday's Inquirer**: ...or you can challenge your brain at the Quizzo Tournament with Philly staple Johnny Goodtimes in the Innovation Studio. Philly Staple? That's awesome. Staple is not really legend, but still bigger than "Philly regular" or even "Philly entertainer." Ha! Staple. I'm gonna be riding high off this all day. In other news, I don't have a lot of excitement going on in my life right now.

**no, I wasn't googling myself. Puh-Leez. What do you think I am, some sort of loser? Don't answer that.

• Now, I've always been a little bit scared to go in the water. You know, sharks and piranhas and kingfish and all that. But I have still gone swimming anyway, because I am very brave. But no longer. I will never enter the water again, after I saw the video of the underwater sea snake robot.
• G. Love just released his latest album, Superhero Brother, yesterday. You can listen to some of the new songs on his Myspace. The song Wiggle Worm sounds good, but the name just reminds of underwater sea snake robots. He'll be playing at Penn's Landing on August 16th.
• The lovely Ginger just released her first column in the Philadelphia Weekly.

Got to see two hip hop legends over the weekend. First up, on Friday, went to see Slick Rick at the Trocadero. There was much hype about MC Ricky D playing with a live band. It was soon apparent why he was doing that. Because, on his own, Slick Rick has about much charisma as dry paint. He honestly never moved for the entire 45 minute set. I mean, it was still cool, because I got to see him perform some of his old hits, but I think he was, quite frankly, bored out of his mind doing "Children's Story" for the 7,000th time. When the crowd called for an encore, the whole band returned...except for Slick Rick. On a brighter note, it was my first trip back to the Troc since the firing, and it was great to see the gang again.

After my gig at the Kimmel on Saturday, I decided to see Spinderella at the Perelman Center. And let me just say it was off the hook. She was all over it. I mean, it's not real easy to just be a DJ on a stage all by yourself and own it, but she was just awesome. I wasn't even dancing (I have never been able to walk up to a random woman and just start dancing. Just can't do it.) but I sat there in awe of how great her set list was, and she kept chatting with the crowd. Of course, by the time I found someone who might have danced with me (emphasis on "might have"), she started playing freaking disco, and I can't dance to that garbage. But for the most part, Spinderella was phenomenal. One of the best DJs I've ever seen. Then to top it all off, after she got done, she came down in to the crowd to sign autographs and take photos. Pretty stark contrast to a guy who wouldn't even come back out for an encore.

• A recent poll listed the best and worst cover songs of all time, and somehow Shatner's Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds didn't make either list. Which means that in my eyes this list is moot.


• Posted 15 good George Carlin quotes on the Kerri Lee blog.


• The Philadelphia Independent Film Festival is going on this weekend. Phillychitchat has a preview. Here is the International Film Fest website.

It was a thriller at the Kimmel Center on Saturday night, as a packed house of I'd say (roughly) 150 people played to determine who would win the first ever Summer Solstice Spectacular. In the end, we had a shocker, as the Flesh Tuxedo edged the Hurtin Kingdom (a mashup of the Sofas and the Bombs), 104-103. It all came down to the final question. "What legendary water ice shop will you find on 7th and Christian?" The Kingdom answered Jack's (wrong), the Tuxedo answered John's (right), and that was the difference in the contest. I'll try to post some questions a little later, and will also talk a little more about the other acts as well. Click "Continue reading" below to see all of the final scores.

On our pantheon of people we don't like, hipsters fall somewhere between New Jersey drivers and Boston Red Sox fans. So we were tickled pink when we saw that a few of them in Francisville got strong-armed by the police a few days ago. After a search of their shelled out home, the cops quickly concluded that they were more than mere hipsters, they were possible terrorists. "They're a hate group," (Police Captain Dennis Wilson) asserted. "We're trying to drum up charges against them, but, unfortunately, we'll probably have to let them go."

Of course they are a hate group. They're hipsters. They hate everything. They hate fun, they hate sports, they hate people, they hate laughter. They are the walking definition of a hate group.

My suggestion for the "Francisville Four"? Go back to listening to the Puffy Doorknobs or whatever random band you're going to love for the next 15 minutes before you suddenly decide that they've sold out for playing in a venue that has electricity and then hate on them over the Champagne of Beers at Johnny Brenda's. And shave that damn beard off. It's summertime, fool.

RELATED: Our prediction? Philebrity hosts some sort of Belle and Sebastian dance party fund raiser for these clowns.

Alright, here's the deal on Saturday. If you are in town, you wanna go to this. Seriously, it's gonna be fun. And yes, they will be serving alcohol. The Solstice Spectacular starts at 3 p.m., and rolls on all night long. I'll tell you about the quizzo first, then discuss some of the other fun stuff going on.

WHO: You and me, fool. Plus there is a pianist between rounds.

WHAT: Summer Solstice quizzo. Yes, it will be a themed quizzo, with Summer as the obvious theme.

WHEN: Saturday night at 10 p.m.

WHERE: Kimmel Center. It's that building on Broad Street with the big windows.

WHY: Why not? Also, I am in discussions with them about doing Quizzo Bowl V there, and it will definitely work in my favor if we get a good turnout for this.

PRIZES: Got 4 airline vouchers from American Airlines to give away, plus several tickets to upcoming Kimmel Center concerts and events.

TICKETS: Get 'em at the door. $10 pays not just for quizzo, but for all the stuff going on all day and all night. A few highlights:

• 3:15 p.m. GIVE AND TAKE JUGGLERS.


• 6:30 p.m. PHILLY POPS FESTIVAL BRASS.


• 8:30 p.m. BRAZILIAN FESTIVAL.


• 10 p.m. QUIZZO


• 12 p.m. DJ SPINDERELLA. Yes, that DJ Spinderella. Will Johnny be performing "Whatta Man" at this event? There is only one way to find out.


• 2 a.m. HYDROGEN JUKEBOX CIRCUS SIDESHOW: The Hydrogen Jukebox Circus Sideshow ensemble began as a small a rock band but has grown to incorporate dancers, poets, puppets, live painting, comedy, fire art and more. Did someone say puppets and fire? I'm in.

There a ton more stuff going on too. Click here to check out the full schedule.

It's funny because it's true. Basically the story of my trip to Mexico in 2004. Thanks to Elvira for sending this in. If you see something funny, drop me a line.

It's a personality test based on the Myers-Briggs that will tell you what kind of personality you have. I am dying to see what it says about you guys. I am an ESFP. Please take the test (takes probably about 5-7 minutes) and then post your results below. Word.

Swung by the Mojito Olympics at Rum Bar at 6 p.m. last night, where Trivia Art was a judge. I'm not gonna lie. I really had limited interest in watching people muddle mint, I just wanted a free Mojito. Hung there for about an hour, then headed over to the Khyber for the Dirtiest Sketch Competition. I'll be honest, it was extremely disturbing. Beyond tasteless. (If you want to see the one that NOT SAFE FOR WORK! won, go here and scroll down. Please be warned, it is extremely disturbing and not at all safe for work. Seriously.)The sketches were pretty insane (my favorite was a bad 1950s B-Movie spoof, complete with terrible acting and a sex crazed robot), and it was also great to hang out with Philly legends Scott Johnston and the Legendary WID. The WID had a anti-theft device on his bike that was revolutionary. It consisted of 1) a rope and 2) that's it, just a rope. His bike was not stolen. Had the Brooklyn Summer Ale, btw, which was delicious. And even got home at a reasonable hour.

Dunno if you've seen this, but it's pretty good. The guy who did it, Jon Lajoie, also came out with a part two. Thanks to Erin for sending this in. If you've got something that might be good to post on the site, holla atcha boy.

Did a write up on Kerri-Lee's blog about Friday the 13th. Today is also the day that the new M. Night movie "The Happening" comes out. Unfortunately, the reviews haven't been so great.

Current headline on philly.com: The way to your Father's heart may well be through a steak knife. (Thanks to Todd for making me aware of this.)

It was on this date in 1962 that the only succesful escape from Alcatraz ever took place. By successful, of course, I mean that they actually got out of the prison. It is believed that they died while in the bay, though a few years ago MythBusters recreated the escape, and were able to do so. Each and every year, in honor of the escape, there is an Escape From Alcatraz triathlon in San Fran that includes a swim in the San Francisco Bay (which is currently a brisk 56 degrees.)

Spike Lee went after Clint Eastwood this past week for not having any black people in his two movies about Iwo Jima. Of course, the first film was about the 6 soldiers who raised the flag (none of whom were black) and the 2nd movie was about Japanese soldiers who fought at Iwo Jima (Spike might be surprised to discover that very few Japanese soldiers were black). Is Spike also upset at Steven Spielberg for not using enough black actors in Schindler's List? While the lack of roles for black actors is troubling, it is kind of moronic of Lee to go after the guy who directed Bird, about Charlie Parker, and who is currently doing a movie about Nelson Mandela (as Eastwood himself said, "I'm not going to make Nelson Mandela a white guy").

After Eastwood answered back to Lee's salvos, and told Lee to shut his face, Lee said, "First of all, the man's not my father and we're not on a plantation either." Needle scratches record. To go with Godwin's Law, there should be a Spike Lee law, that every argument with Spike Lee will come to a screeching halt when Lee accuses his opponent of being a modern day slaveholder. And just to show what a classy guy he is, Spike ended his tirade with:"Even though he's trying to have a Dirty Harry flashback, I'm going to take the Obama high road and end it right here. Peace and love." Wow, comparing him to a modern day slaveholder and then ending the argument on his terms. What a creep.

SeeqPod - Playable Search
A few weeks ago, I did my top songs about the rain. Well, now all anyone can think about is the heat. Qualifications for these songs were rather strict: They had to actually be about temperature, not about a hot girl (eliminating songs such as Hotter than Hell by Kiss and Hot Child in the City by whoever the hell did that song), about how hot a person finds themselves (This is Why I'm Hot), or about an indistinguishable "it" whose origins we are unsure of (Drop It Like It's Hot). OK, so Hot Stuff about Donna Summer isn't really about the temperature but she got a pass because she her name has the word "Summer" in it. And I guess Heat Wave is technically about love, but there was no way that song wasn't making the list. Let me know if I missed anything:

Had another private party at the Black Sheep on Saturday. This time it was a birthday party for Leslie Greenspan, and a fine time was had by all. Her team Crownespan, finished 4th, as The Sydney Pollack Mungers Finished First, edging the Figgles 111-110. Wuerffel's Disciples finished 3rd. (I think there were a fair amount of Florida Alums there. I would like to point those Florida alums in the direction of this photograph. And this one. And also this one. Anyone see a pattern here?) Anyways, Johnny does corporate parties, birthdays, weddings, Super Sweet 16s, and bankruptcy proceedings. And he promises to give you 100% or more of what you deserve.

Congratulations to Team 4, the team that won at the private quiz held for the Pepper Hamilton Law Firm at the Boathouse Bar last Thursday. At least, I think it was Team 4. I can't find the damn scoresheets. Cats musta ate 'em. Anyways, real lawyers seem to know their tv lawyers, as was evidenced by the wild card round. If anyone is interested in having Philly's best quizmaster host a private event, please feel free to contact me.

To be honest, this whole Bonnie and Clyde thing is a sad indication of what happens when newspapers and TV become desperate for revenue. They latch on to any story about a hot 22 year old with a nice rack. Gone are the days of trying to win a Pulitzer by trying to find out how all of these drugs are getting into our neighborhoods or why our murder rate is so high. Now it's just "Throw some pics of a chick with nice hooters on the site every day and see if we can get a few extra web clicks." This ain't murder. It's identity theft, which nobody gives a flying s*** about. Trust me, I know.

I had somebody steal my checkbook about 5 years ago and write a $938 check to Dorney Park (seriously), among other things. The person who stole my checkbook was able to pass themself off as Jerome, even though they were a woman. A woman with apparently about 35 kids, all of whom she took to Dorney Park (who, incredulously, took a personal check). And where was the media then? I was in my time of need, filling out affidavit after affidavit. And there was no news truck anywhere in sight. Now that the news teams at all of the local TV and newspapers are experts on identity theft, I want them to do some research and see if they can find out who this damn woman was, so I can get my identity back. So that I can have my fun at Dorney Park! But I doubt they will. After all, rumor has it that a girl with a great ass just stole a Snickers bar from a 7-11. And Chopper 10 is there!

Heading to the Phillies ball game, so I'm leaving you with a few things to mull over.

• Remember Biosphere 2? Here's a short video interview with Jane Poynter, who was in the Biosphere for two years. I remember being fascinated about this thing as a teenager. I want to read this Poynter's about being in there.
• Speaking of baseball, have you read Richard Rys story in this months Philly Mag about the secretive owners of the Phillies? Pretty interesting.
• There is some sort of controversy at the ballpark in Seattle about two lesbians getting in trouble for kissing in the stands. Yada.Yada. Yada. Whatever. But then listen to this: Guerrero denied she and her date were groping each other, saying that along with eating garlic fries, they were giving each other brief kisses. What? Kissing between bites of garlic fries? Now that's disgusting. They should have been kicked out for that
• Finally, here's a few of my Kerri Lee blurbs from the past few days: A write up about Chuck Barris, a recap of weird news, and I ask what the best TV show of all time is.

Alright, I've been slack about this, but here's the deal: I'm giving you til' Friday to get something in. Two more days. Then we're done. So far I think I like the one above (from Mike) the best. Simple, but it'll look good on a business card. A woman made me a great one on a beer coaster at the Black Sheep, but she would need to scan it in or something to make it count. If you want to enter, please hit me up with your logo by Friday.

• Quizmaster Chris vs. Big Daddy Graham. Currently one regular segment features him (Big Daddy) telling the Greater Philadelphia area what snack he's going to eat, and then we all get to hear him chew it. I swear I'm not making that up. Orson Welles is clearly not running things over there.
• Bill Clinton vs. Vanity Fair.: "[He's] sleazy," he said referring to Purdum. "He's a really dishonest reporter. And one of our guys talked to him . . . And I haven't read [the article]. But he told me there's five or six just blatant lies in there. But he's a real slimy guy," the former president said.
• Dick Cheney vs. West Virginia. (Note to West Virginia: lighten up.)
• Rick's Steaks vs. The Reading Terminal Market.

Long before this whole Alycia Lane debacle broke out, Larry Mendte took a few moments to talk to johnnygoodtimes.com readers about the false rumors his dad spread about watching TV in the dark, bananas in the fridge, and the ghosts at the General Wayne Inn. Incidentally, JGT's attempts to make Lane jealous by writing for Kerri-Lee's blog (today: I pay homage to Chuck Barris) have been entirely unsuccessful.

I posted some of the World's Strangest things on the Kerri Lee blog today. I highly recommend the link to the world's strangest mating rituals.

The neuroscience of optical illusions.

Happy birthday to the Beaver, Jerry Mathers. Here's a clip from Good Morning America last year where they interviewed all of the surviving members of the cast.

Oh, and it looks like Hillary is dropping out of the race.

Hey gang, great event going on Saturday night. Some of you joined me at the bowling parties in South Philly last year and we had a blast. Well, this year there is another bowling event at the same place, with the added incentive that all of the money goes to a great charity. The Urban Nutrition Initiative, which is a university-community partnership based at Penn, tries to make inner city youth more aware of the importance of good nutrition, and helps the kids grow gardens at a number of schools in the area. For more info on the charity, click here. The event is $25, and starts at 7 p.m. on Saturday. Hope to see you there!

I was just sitting here, with CNN on in the other room, and the news woman said, "Houston we have a problem...with the plumbing." Something about the space shuttle, but who cares. The point is that "Houston we have a problem" is the hackiest, lamest cliche ever, and I see and hear it constantly. Just watch, the next time the Phils play the Astros, if we lose, the Inquirers headine will read, "Houston, We Have a Problem." This drives me insane. I swear, people (especially newscasters and newspapers) use this line all the time and it makes me nutty. It's not funny, it's not original, it's just stupid. What tv and newspaper cliches get you angry?

Chip is gonna be on the Ministry of Secret Jokes show tonight at Fergie's. Went to the last one. Took a little warming up to get into it, because I came in late, but it turned out to be pretty hilarious. Starts at 9 p.m. Here's some more info courtesy of Phawker.

Couple of things of note on the Kerri Lee site. First up, a bit more of a write up on the trip to Intercourse, including some photos. Second, if you missed this weeks quiz, I highly suggest you take the FOX or crap round. I posted it on Kerri Lee's blog. I think it's a pretty great 50/50 round.

In honor of Sir Arthur COnan Doyle's 149th birthday, I suggest you read a Sherlock Holmes short story or two. A couple of my favorites are The Adventure of the Speckled Band and The Adventure of the Dancing Men. I suspect most of you went through a Sherlock Holmes phase at some point. If you didn't, do yourself a favor and read these stories. After these two, you'll be hooked. And even if you have read them, it's probably been years. Do yourself a favor and read them again. They are no less brilliant the second time around. Conan Doyle rocks.

Growing up in Virginia, this guy's commercials would regularly show up during daytime programming, and they were amazing (His office is in Hampton Roads). Watch the horrific accidents going on in the background as he talks. This was not a satire. This was an actual commercial. And he had plenty of others just as horrific. My mom called one time to complain, and they hung up on her. Oh, and I'll give you one guess as to where Lowell "The Hammer" grew up? That's right. New Jersey.

Yo, my homeboy Matt is the guitar player for a band in Brooklyn called Big Bang TV, and they are playing tonight at the Fire (412 West Girard). If you don't play quizzo tonight, go check 'em out. Show kicks off at 9 p.m. (Word on the street is that this is Mike Huckabee's favorite band.)

Pinchot and Mark Linn-Baker: greatest comedy duo ever?

After losing two of three to the Blue Jays, it was obvious that the Phils needed my help (They are 5-0 in games I have attended this year, and 19-21 in games I don't attend). So I am heading down to DC to cheer them on against the Nationals. First time checking out the new stadium in DC. I'll let you know how it is. In the meantime, here's a short writeup I did about the Italian Market Festival on Kerri Lee's blog.

• It was on this date in 1868 that Andrew Johnson was acquitted of impeachment by a single vote. Here is a short but thorough account of how it went down.
• Today on Kerri-Lee's blog, I ask, "What would your last meal be if you were condemned to die?" There is also a link to the top 10 last meals of all time, which is recommended reading.
• Hockey is hot right now. I mean, sorry NBA, Chris Paul is awesome, but your playoffs are boring, with the refs handing wins to the home team every single game (Home teams are 20-1 in the 2nd round of these playoffs. Fishy? Something tells me Donaghy was a fall guy for a larger problem.) Crosby is exciting to watch, even for a casual fan like myself. And the hits are spectacular. Most importantly, hockey has Don Cherry, the best dresser in sports history. And even better, the guy is completely out of his mind. A few nights ago, he wore a pink suit that almost blew out my retinas, then called Detroit fans "rednecks". I love this guy.
• The following sentence from bats*** crazy Steven Wells column in this week's PW: Acting as Warden Nutter’s Lord Chamberlain and dressed like Bill Sykes out of Oliver! (complete with snazzy neckerchief and battered top hat), I’ll rule the fop-infested Philly arts scene with a rod of iron (literally) in the company of my ever faithful, cigar-smoking, quizzo-organizing, Winston Churchill-faced talking mutant English bulldog Johnny S*** Times. (Much as I do now, only more so.) I really have no idea how to respond to that. None.

Perfect morning to eat pancakes and drink OJ. Thinking about hitting up Sabrina's. Be back this afternoon with scores. In the meantime, a couple of things to keep in mind for the weekend. First off, good news, rhubarb fans. Tommorrow is supposed to be 73 and sunny, and Sunday is more of the same. Which means that this is the perfect weekend for a festival. If you're not up for a roadtrip, there are a couple of fun things going down in Philly. First up, the Italian Market Festival. Always a blast, and this year they've added the Inaugural John Marzano Halfball Tournament. (I love this city.) Then, in case you're in the mood for something even weirder than seeing statues of saints marched down the street, we've got the annual Kensington Kinetic Sculpture Derby. Pics from last years look ridiculous, and I expect this year you'll see more of the same. GOnna be a great weekend. Get outdoors and have fun.

A few days ago, Kerri-Lee (above, totally jacking my ruffled tuxedo top style) posted a few choice stupid quotes said by celebs over the years (I had forgotten about that Mariah Carey one. Honestly, the stupidest thing a human being has ever uttered. Ever. UPDATE: Woops. She never said it. I'm sorry Ms. Carey.) But today I looked around and found a few quotes I thought were actually pretty intelligent. And the one quote that I think is half-brilliant, half stupid comes from Shaquille O'Neal: "My game is like the Pythagorean Theorem. Nobody can figure it out."

Here was a short blurb left in what was essentially an I Love You I Hate You section of a South Carolina newspaper: This is to the trivia guy at Rockaways: I know people usually write in to bitch and moan, but my sorority sisters and I just wanted to tell you that your trivia night on Wednesdays is the highlight of our week! All we talk about during our late-night slumber parties and pillow fights is your sexy red beard and that mysterious bulge in your shorts. Oh, and your trivia questions of course ... tee hee … I wonder if we could book you for a private trivia session? We don’t have much money but I’m sure we could work something out. We’ll see you for trivia this Wednesday at 9 p.m.!. P.S. — Would turning in our panties count as a right answer? We’ll try and find out!

In case anyone is curious: Yes, turning in your panties does count as a right answer.

Get your baking shoes on, folks! We're a mere three days away from the largest and oldest Rhubarb Festival in the United States, and as you know, I was selected to be a celebrity judge (Apparently Gervase and Wang Newton had previous engagements). Needless to say, I am extremely excited. I hope I get an explosion of rhubarb in my mouth! If you'd like to enter a pie in the 25th annual Kitchen Kettle Village Rhubarb Pie Bake-Off (or KKVRPBO, for short), just go here and fill out the form. Something tells me, this is going to be the greatest bake-off ever!

RELATED: News story about the Rhubarb Festival...in Pittsburgh paper. Helllllllllooooo, Philadelphia media. Might wanna wake up and smell the rhubarb.
RELATED: I link yet again to my near upset in the 23rd annual Rhuarb Pie Bake-off.
RELATED: Pretty hilarious story I wrote about the 22nd Annual Bake off, which is where I first stumbled onto this little gem of a festival. Upon further review, I have to say that this is one of the funniest things I have ever written.

PGW cut off my gas on Friday which was a real @$$&@^& move because since they did right before the weekend I had to wait four days to get it turned back on. After three and a half days without a hot shower I desperately needed one. Man Law states that you can't call a dude and ask to use his shower, and Ginger was working, so I called Smackdown and used her shower. And no, nothing ribald occurred.* Anyways, me and Smackdown and Gabe and the rest of the AmGlads Gang headed over to D-macs to watch Gladiators (The Eliminator still sucks.)

I would have gone home after that but Gabe said he was gonna grab another drink. So we met up with some friends of his from school at a bar that shall remain nameless b/c of what I'm about to tell you and the next thing you know I'm talking to this really hot blonde at the bar who gave me a look but then it turned out that she was 19 (seriously, she did not look 19. Ask Gabe. Or the bartender.) so after I talked to her for a little while (I didn't want to be rude) I left and met up with Gabe and his friends again at Misconduct Tavern. Well, they closed at 2 (it's the law) but Gabe was a member of Pen and Pencil so we headed there. I hadn't been to the P & P in like 5 years, since I dated this girl that was a hard partier but also loved Jesus and tried to convert me over dinner and later ended up making out with one of my Jewish friends because he said he loved Jesus**. Next thing you know it is 4:45 a.m. and I am walking through the empty streets of Philadelphia back to my place. Then I had to wake up at 9:15 because the damn guy from PGW was here to turn my gas back on. God, I hate PGW! Um, so what was my point? Oh yeah, quizzo will probably suck tonight, because I am exhausted. But you should still go.

*though not b/c of a lack of effort on my part.
**True story

This tells you pretty much all you need to know about Jerseyites. There was a story on NJ.com today about a woman who fell off a cruise ship last night. Now, while some people would feel sympathy for this woman and her family, Jerseyites do not. According to just about every single commenter below the story, she must have been stupid and/or drunk, so she simply got her just desserts. Except for one commenter who suspects foul play.

• It's difficult to fall off a cruise ship UNLESS you're either drunk, doing something you should not be doing or you are somewhere you should not be. Since our society has devolved into an illiterate mass of immature morons, the last people I will ever blame are the ones who are consistently called upon to bail people out of "stupid people" situations.
• Just a wild guess here, but I'm going with an excessive use of alchohol coming into play in this story.
• In the end the taxpayer picks up the tab for these massive searches not the cruise companies.
• I tend to side with some who feel too much alcohol was involved here... yes, you can fall over board on a cruise ship but I feel it is because you did something stupid.
• I myself just came back from a cruise a week ago and let me tell you that the only way you fall off is either by climbing up over a railing and falling (commiting suicide) or some one has to pick you up and throw you over. She did not just fall by accident.
• If you call climbing on and hanging over the rail an accident I suppose it's possible. Not to say I have any idea how this woman fell but it is all that I can imagine, especially only 3 hours or so into the cruise.

Well it looks like the crack detectives have done it again. Despite having no evidence, they have concluded that she was drunk and stupid, and thus deserved to die. It's just a shame that our hardearned tax dollars go toward fishing riff raff like this out of the ocean.

Billy turns 58 today. Yeah, I have kind of been on a Billy Squier kick lately. I am just so amazed by how people in entertainment can wreck their whole career with one bad decision. In this case, of course, it was Billy's decision to dance in a pink tank top in the Rock Me Tonight video (I did a full write up on this Rock Me Tonight video fiasco on the Kerri Lee blog today.) One thing I find interesting about Billy Squier is that he is a legend in hip hop circles because his beats were so dope, and he is sampled constantly. Listen to the song above, then listen to 99 Problems by Jay Z and Dizzee Rascal's Fix Up Look Sharp. And who can forget Run DMC with Here We go, Here We Go, Here We Here We Go. Another thing is that, while I find most non hip-hop music of the 1980s to be "good" solely in an ironic fashion, Billy Squier kicked total ass without cheesy synthesizers and drum machines. So what is he up to now? Here's an article about him from a couple of years ago.

When FOX called and said they wanted to do a story on D-Mac and I, I thought, "How interesting. FOX wants to do a story on Handsomest Men in Philadelphia." But it turned out that they just wanted to do a story on bloggers. Geez, when are people gonna realize that I am not just a brilliant writer, but also a pretty face?

SeeqPod - Playable Search
Here it is, the best 16 songs about the rain. I expect you to heartily disagree with my selections.

Hey remember that movie that they kept shutting down Rittenhouse for? And remember how Marky Mark wore his Red Sox hat when he ate at Smith and Wollensky's? Well, that movie is coming out soon, and it looks pretty damn interesting. I didn't really mind Signs or The Village like a lot of people did, but when he did a movie about mermaids I thought he had officially jumped the shark, and I wondered if his next movie would be about unicorns and warlocks. But hopefully he gets back on track here. Whattya think? After checking the trailers (here's another one), do you think it's gonna be good?

Trivia Art and I hit up a couple of new spots last night. First we tried Time, the place where Ludwig's used to be. It was weird being in Ludwig's without pictures of old German leaders on the wall. The setup was still similar, in terms of where the bars and tables were, so I still felt like it was a just a cleaned up Ludwig's. The beer was more reasonable than I had been led to believe, as they have an 11-1 am Happy Hour, so I got a Leffe Brown for only $4. It was a pretty decent spot for a drink, and the only problems I had with the place were music related: it's kind of a dark, mellow, candlelit place where you should talk in hush tones. Therefore, the fact that it has a jukebox kind of sticks out like a sore t