July 2008 Archives
Barney Frank has recently introduced legislation that would legalize marijuana. "What, is he crazy?" you ask. Yes. The answer is yes. Apparently Barney Frank doesn't realize that marijuana causes people to murder their parents, listen to jazz, and hang out with Mexicans. But something tells me that there is something he isn't counting on: the courage of his fellow Congressman, who will almost certainly strike down this law.
Digg It!
Naturally, we here At JGT headquarters are distraught over the bankruptcy of Bennigan's, our favorite Irish restaurant. No more Guinness Glazed Popcorn Shrimp. No more Kilkenny's Country Chicken Wrap. No more "Oh Baby" Back Ribs. Remember all that fun we used to have at Bennigan's? All the laughter? Remember that time Donnie put his baby back rib in the pitcher of Mountain Dew? Fun times, fun times. Oh well, for authentic Irish authenticity, we've still got Kildare's.
The latest is on unlikely rap feuds, in light of the recent throwdown between Nas and Bill O'Reilly. (Let's not kid ourselves, Nas is doing this to drive up sales of his new album, and O'Reilly is responding to it because he sees an opportunity to remain relevant.) Any other unlikely rap feuds that you can think of?
This man is now the governor of California. His favorite body part is the ass.
A formidable squad composed of some Duane's World guys and some Sofa's pulled off a 107-98 win over My Nickname at School Was Scurvy Purvy at the Franklin Institute on Saturday night. Early in the contest, Johnny's latest rival, Captain Babyface, threatened to take Johnny's bounty from the night's quiz. Babyface was a real nightmare, shouting out answers and using his phone during Round One before kicking Johnny's ass. Fortunately, Johnny was taught the mystical ways of the East from Mr. Pierogie, and in a heroic final scene was able to fight off Babyface in an epic battle that has Broadway buzzing. We had a good crowd (about 60) and set a new record for most kids at a JGT event (lots). All in all a fun night, and I went and checked out the Pirate exhibit on Monday, and it was pretty cool.
I have long said that one of the main reasons that I want a championship win in Philadelphia is because I want an excuse to flip over a Hummer from Jersey and set it on fire. Sadly, I may not get that chance. Hummers are becoming obsolete with rising gas prices, and the wonderful people that own them are having a hard time selling them. They are also being mocked when they go out in public. This is nothing short of a tragedy. Unless you're like me, and you find a certain thrill in bad things happening to bad people. (And every single person who owns a Hummer is a bad human being. Every single one. Other than Jersey drivers, I can think of no group of people who I universally hate as much as Hummer owners. Of course, in this area those two groups are usually one in the same.)
Thought you guys might enjoy the wild card round from Saturday night: Things that Sound Like Aaaarrrrrrrrr.
- This man hosted the Tonight Show from 1957-1962.
- What is the Spanish word for Tuesday?
- Who played Klinger in Mash?
- This 2005 war movie starred Jake Gyllenhaal.
- This instrument was first heard in a western pop song in 1965, when it was used by the Yardbirds.
- This former member of the Geto Boys named himself after a 1980 movie.
- Joe Ross and Fred Gwynne both starred in this early 1960s sitcom.
- This actress did the voice of the new baby in Look Who’s Talking Too.
- This word comes to us from the Persian word that means “the place of prices”.
- Due to this players dominance, the dunk was outlawed in college basketball for several years.
This artist, who turns 67 on Wednesday, became a teen sensation when he had a hit with the song "Put Your Head on My Shoulder" in 1959.
Dunno if you've seen our friends at Secret Pants do their Bush or Batman yet, but if not, I think you're gonna enjoy it.
What is the name of Tampa Bay's Major League Soccer team?
Jean Lafitte was a pirate who assisted the United States in what War?
On what island will you find the headquarters of Bacardi rum and the distilleries for Captain Morgan’s?
What Big East school in New Jersey has the nickname Pirates?
This Scottish pirate, one of the most famous of them all, was hung at sea in 1701, and his body was hung in a cage over the river thames for two years as a warning to other pirates.
Alright, well I'm gonna post some questions from Pirate quizzo on Saturday beneath pics of last weeks winners. One guess per person (no guesses if you were there.)
Never been to Eastern State, so I'm gonna go check it out now. Or maybe go see the pirate exhibit. Got a buddy in town, so gonna do something touristy. Anyways, pirate quizzo was pretty good. And I think a couple of the rounds were some of my finest work. More info this afternoon, as well as photos of the winners. In the meantime, hope Adam Eaton enjoys his time as a Lakewood Blueclaw (which is where I really hope they send him.)
The only rap crew with buccaneer technique.
- WHO: Me and You.
- WHAT: Pirate Quizzo, which will be very loosely based on pirates.
- WHEN: Saturday, July 26th 8 PM
- WHERE: Franklin Institute, 20th and Ben Franklin Parkway
- WHY: Why not? They are promoting their Pirate exhibit, which looks pretty awesome.
O'NEALS
- Jeremy's Fingers 101
- Young Old and Restless 100
- Dorksided 99
- We Got Nothin 94
- I Had Your Moms Cell # 88
- Hurtin Bombs 108**
- Sofa Kingdom 108
- Puerto Rico Bound 101
- Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 100
- Tuesday Night Brights 92
- The Jams 108
- Trust Us We Know 93
- But My Mom Says I'm Cool 90
- Mendte's Email Maniacs 89
- Susan's Peters 81
- John Brown's Booty 101
- Duane's World 94
- 5th Placers 92
- Stop, Or My Mom Will Die 86
- Sparkling Celebration Drinkers 83
- Pseudoscientologists 81
- Home Despot 67
- The Master Batters 59
- Underachievers 54
- Awesome Blossom 52
- Sofa Kingdom 100
- Hurtin Bombs 95
- Quackenbush 90
- We Buy S*** in Bulk 70
- Beauty & the Beasts 65
My latest write up in the Metro is about local reporters acting nutty. The video above is the infamous Jessica Savitch report that probably would have ended her career had she not died just three weeks later. Here's some more info on Savitch. And by the way, were there any good local reporter antics that I left out of the story?
Former astronaut and moonwalker Dr. Edgar Mitchell claims that aliens have been visiting us on earth, and that they are much more sophisticated than us. "I've been in military and intelligence circles, who know that beneath the surface of what has been public knowledge, yes - we have been visited. Reading the papers recently, it's been happening quite a bit." He's right, by the way. I've dated a couple of them.
A writer from Philly Mag called me a few weeks ago, told me I had won Best Of...Quizzo, and asked me a few questions to include in the publication. No kidding. So needless to say, I was a bit surprised when the latest issue carried no mention of quizzo. Seems pretty strange for someone to be told that they won, then getting zeroed. Being a conspiracy buff, I wonder if this had anything to do with me having my trophy taken away. And if they indeed took away the prize because of that, all I can say is: I didn't mean it, Philly Mag! Promise! I hate this city too! Please, I need this! Things are bad! I had to cancel at Good Dog two weeks ago! For the love of God, please give me my trophy back! Pleeease!
Word on the streets is that there will be pirates at Saturday nights quizzo at the Franklin Institute. While I know that this is worrisome to some people, as pirates are known to maim and kill innocent people for sport, JGT's Security of the First World detail is doing everything they can to keep the event safe. "Are we concerned about the possibility of pirates?" asked Goodtimes at a recent news conference. "Absolutely. But I guarantee everyone attending that they will probably be safe. Maybe." More on this frightening development as it develops.
- You’ll find a hapless protagonist named Arthur Dent in this science fiction comedy series.
- Asia Minor comprises most of what modern country?
- William Zabka played a jerk in European Vacation, Back to School, and in this 1984 classic.
- What team did the Adam Eaton come to the Phillies from?
- The most watched soap opera in the world debuted in 1987 and is the only one in the US that lasts only 30 minutes.
- This country owns the island of Aruba and has a Queen named Beatrix?
- What 1989 film is based on the story of a principle named Joe Clark?
- What Washington monument is on the back of a $50 bill?
- Which of these continent has the tallest mountain (above sea level)? a) South America b) North America c) Europe d) Africa
- What is the first disease for which an effective vaccine was discovered?
Wow, what an incredible 9th inning. After wrapping up quizzo last night, I was preparing to head over to the Bards, but decided I'd watch the Phils go down quietly in the 9th. However, Mets manager Jerry Manuel inexplicably pulled Johan Santana after only 105 pitches, and the Mets bullpen looked like, well, the Mets bullpen. And then, Jimy Williams decided for some reason to use So Taguchi. The conversation at O'Neals went like this:
JGT: Best case scenario here is Taguchi striking out. They can't take a double play.
O'Neals Patron: Why aren't they hitting Bruntlett?
JGT: They never lose without a rally in the 9th. Never.
All: Holy ****** ****! Get over his head! Get over his head! Yes! Yes! Yes!
The entire bar erupted with high fives all around. It was an awesome win, and allowed us to forget for a few moments that our rotation consists of Cole Hamels and pray for rain.
What Clark Gable film had John Dillinger just finished watching when he was shot to death on July 22, 1934?
Nothing short of amazing (SFW). I especially liked the shot of two people apparently having sex at the 1:56 mark. Because when you're having sex, you want a news team you can trust.
How many people can you name in this video? The ones with question marks behind them I'm not sure of. I got: Iggy Pop, Kanye West, Kris Kristofferson, Terrence Howard??, Q-Tip??, Chris Rock, Justin Timberlake, Sheryl Crow, Dennis Hopper, Woody Harrelson, Bono, Anthony Kiedis, Priscilla Presley??, Kid Rock, Jay Z, Keith Richards, dude from ZZ Topp, Johnny Depp, Johnny Cash, Jerry Lee Lewis??, Whoopi Goldberg. Who am I missing and who did I not get?
(Updated changes in bold) Alright gang, should be a great show this Saturday. The Pirate exhibit sounds pretty sweet, and we're gonna do a Pirate quizzo Saturday night at the Franklin at 8 p.m. Yes, all questions about pirates, more or less. Now, I'm not sure I can make it due to some previous business plans, but my good friend Randy the Buccaneer told me he can fill in if need be. So we'll see. However, I must warn you: there have been rumors of actual pirates attending, and they are armed and dangerous, so you would probably be safer to like go to Glam or something. Basically, it's gonna be free, and the top two teams walk off with the Booty. The winning team will walk away with a prize package that will include passes to check out the Pirate exhibit. They are encouraging reservations by calling (215) 448-1254. Here's a National Geographic article on the ship that is on display.
My long time nemesis and overall jerk Chip Chantry is hosting a comedy show at the Khyber tonight and trust me, you'll want to go because this guy who does a character called "Security Officer Barnes" is performing and it is one of the most insane and hilarious characters I have ever seen. It's only $5, and yeah, you'll have to sit through Chip's dumbass set but the rest of it should be hilarious. Also, Chip just did a little write-up about Austin, Texas, and it's only slightly longer than the Constitution, except less funny. So if you're in an airport and your flight just got delayed until tomorrow afternoon, you should really check it out. Also, the show has Steve Gerben and Secret Pants on it, and they are both pretty funny. Whatever.
Who played Joker in Full Metal Jacket?
What game show was hosted by Jack Barry for 12 years?
In what game might you find a Joker tile?
The man who did the voice of the Joker on the 1990s animated series is better known for playing an iconic good guy in a famous movie. Who is he?
Who played the Joker in the 1960s tv show?
What word did Steve Miller invent in the song The Joker?
Gonna post pics of last week's winners, along with questions about Jokers. One guess per person. And go ahead and sign up for the new commenting thing, especially you regulars. It would be kind of fun for people to know who they are yelling at in the comments.
O'NEALS
- We Got Nothin' 100
- Boo? FU 96
- Dork Sided 93
- L. Ron Hubbard's Diabetics 92
- No Names 70
- Hurtin' Bombs 103
- Sofa Kingdom 98
- Western Omelette 89
- Mike Serazio: Great Life Partner 86
- She's Only 3 84
- The Jams 109
- My Mom Says I'm Cool 90
- Susan's Peters 90
- Trust Us We Know 88
- 1022 80
- John Brown's Booty 108
- Chandra Levy's Jogging Buddy 84
- Duane's World 77
- Better Than You 74
- Expatriots 69
- Sofa Kingdom 109
- The Juice Is Running 84
- Shomer Shabbas 78
- Boo? FU! 64
- Missing Phalanges 57
- Diego's Moist Panties 115
- Western Omelette 105
- Yes You Can't 98
- Grover Cleveland Spanked Me 96
- Hurtin Bombs 89
Gonna step out and get a quick breakfast at Pinkie's. That ten hour brunch I had yesterday at National Mechanics, Standard Tap, Memphis Taproom, and Dos Segundos kinda took it out of me. Anyways, be back soon with scoreboard and pics of last weeks winners and an announcement about quizzo this Saturday.
Hey everyone, we've implemented a new comments system at johnnygoodtimes.com.
It is through a company named Disqus. The new system should be faster, more reliable and spam-proof.
You don't have to register with Disqus if you don't want to, but as they say, membership has its advantages, namely one place you can go to where you can find all your comment threads. Also you could subscribe to a thread and have replies emailed to you.
Gonna see the matinee show at 12:50. I had some friends go last night and they said it was phenomenol. I'm pretty fired up. I'll do the scoreboard this afternoon. In the meantime, check out this column in the New York Times sent to me by Bob T. Pretty interesting stuff about the Iran-Israel standoff. And sorry about the comments disappearing. Not an effort by me to do North Korea style stifling of free speech. Just screwed up when I was trying to get them on the site. Sorry. Hopefully this stupid comments thing will be fixed up by next week.
Remember that awesome North Korean hotel that has never been opened and is totally creepy in Pyongyang? Well, great news! It's back under construction! I am so fired up about this.
Following the lead of the NFL, Johnny Goodtimes announced today that he will keeping a close eye on signals given by quizzo players at various bars throughout the city. Quizzo tonight is at the Good Dog at 8 p.m. (It would be great if more than two teams showed up this week. Thanks.) and at the Bards (It would be great if less than 25 teams showed up tonight. Thanks.)
Did my latest on all those stupid applications that people send me on Facebook. Not exactly my magnum opus, but kinda funny I think.
- Some good stuff over at the Kerri Lee Blog. Yesterday I posted some odd jobs (including fortune cookie writer and dog food testers), today I posted some weird news. Check 'em out.
- Want to become a McDonalds CEO and destroy the world to make cheap burgers? Then play this video game (It's a little too hard for me. I drove Mickey Dees right into the ground.) And while we're on the topic of McDonald's, this is just absolutely mind blowing: Jesus freaks are boycotting McDonald's because Mick Dees supports gay marriage. The comments on this site are absolutely priceless.
- Excellent piece by Bill Lyons about the Spectrum. I only ever saw a Phantoms game there, but I got chickenskin several times while reading this column. Great piece.
- And quizzo tonight at Rendezvous at 6:15 p.m. and Black Sheep at 8 p.m. See ya then
Yeah, we're having some comment problems, due to the fact I was getting overrun by junk mail comments for a while. In the meantime, however, if you post a comment, it will go up, if not immediately. It just has to pass by me first so that I can weed out all the junk. I am checking the comments pretty regularly, so comments should go up pretty soon after you post them. Thanks for your patience. Hopefully in a few days this will no longer be necessary. -MGMT
- What is the 2nd largest city in Wyoming?
- Whose 1997 album called Come on Over was the biggest selling album of the 1990s.
- What's the longest running show in Broadway history?
- The German for “set of bells” is the name of an orchestral instrument. What is it?
- This man wrote Remembrance of Things Past in the early 20th century.
- This band’s edebut album, Murmur, was released in 1983.
- This underground comic from Philly gave us Keep on Truckin and Fritz the Cat.
- A valence shell is the outermost shell of a/an _________________.
- Where will you find femium? a) on Star Trek b) on the periodic table c) on Wonder Woman d) in an I-pod
- The most visited grave in Australia belongs to this rock n roller
Whenever the MLB All-Star finishes 9 innings in a tie, it goes straight to hell. All of a sudden, pitchers who threw 100+ pitches on Sunday need to pitch on one days rest. The fans all go home. People at home cut off their tvs and go to bed. The kids (who baseball desperately needs to excite in a video game world) tell me this morning how "boring" the game was last night. How can the MLB settle for failure when the alternative is a surefire, guaranteed thrilling winner? It's simple. If the two teams are tied after 10 innings, you go to a home run derby. You bring out the HR leader on each squad for a little mano a mano, just like the regular derby, except now it means something. Nobody leaves, nobody goes to bed, no pitchers take a chance hurting their arms. I brought it up to the teens in the summer program and they said it would be awesome. Can someone give me a single reason not to do this?
I decided to go to Church for the first time in like 5 years on Sunday. I've been thinking about attending for a while, and waking up pretty refreshed on Sunday, I figured, "Why not?" So I went to the First Unitarian Church at 21st and Chestnut. Long story short, everyone was really nice, there were a couple of cute girls, free coffee, and a very mellow environment (no Bible passages, weird chants, etc.) It was nice.
After church I was strolling around Chestnut street when I saw an old lady walking down some stairs. And when I say old, I mean really, really old. In all seriousness, she was at least 95 or 96**, and as fragile as a fall leaf. She had a blue boot on her right foot, and really seemed to be having a hard time navigating the stairs with her cane. A gentleman in front of me asked her if she needed any help. She ignored him. I assumed it was because she was so old that she couldn't hear him. I was feeling especially charitable, having just attended church and all, so I walked over and stuck out my arm toward her.
"Mam, would you care to take my arm?" I asked, as sweetly as I could. She looked up and stared me dead in the eye, and replied, with her voice rising, "I don't need any F***ING help. You're the 5th F***ING person to ask me if I need any help and the answer is no." Dumbfounded, I sort of staggered away. The gentleman who had asked her before me, a husky black man in his early 50s wearing an Atlanta Hawks jersey hollered, "You didn't have to say that! You did not have to say that!" at the woman. She paid him no mind. "Gonna ruin somebody's Sunday like that! Ain't no sense in it."
"I know," I added to the man in the jersey. "And I just got out of church."
As BMT stated when I told him that story Sunday night, "Sir, you just got shot down by a 95 year old woman." I guess that's what I get for going to church and for trying to help old people.
**Possibly in her 100s.
This man, who hosted House Party in the 1960s (no, the answer is not Kid or Play), turns 96 on Thursday. (Yes, he is still alive.)
Alright, Trivia Art fixed the comments, so you can now answer the questions below and make fun of my prom outfit. Question of the week and a pretty funny story about me getting shut down by a very old woman coming soon.
??? Usually when I post pics of last weeks winners, the questions are all answered in like an hour. This time, I posted the questions like 21 hours ago and not a single one has been answered. Then, I post prom pics and not one snide comment about my Miami Vice look? Geez, you guys have changed.
UPDATE: Palestra Jon told me comments aren't working. Having it looked into. Hopefully fixed soon.
Prom was awesome. The action kicked off when me and Casey (purple tux, below) decided to meet up at the Suit Corner at 3rd and Market at 5 p.m. to grab matching suits. We got a great deal, as we each got our swanky tuxes for $49.98. The guy who waited on us was really cool. I highly recommend the Suit Corner for all of your shopping needs, particularly if pink tuxedo is one of the things you are shopping for.
Casey and I picked up our dates (mine was RPS legend April Annie) at around 9 p.m., then walked to the Positano Coast at 2nd and Walnut to meet with the lovely Ginger and her prom date, Lance Romance. It was the perfect pre-prom place. The food was pretty decent, but more importantly, it had various vistas of the Italian coastline, so we got some sweet prom photos. Only regret of the night: Ben Franklin was walking out as we were walking in, and I was gonna ask him to get a photo with us but I totally froze up. Damnit, I'm such a choker!
After dinner and photos we headed over to the Moshulu for the actual prom. Needless to say, since this was prom, we totally hooked up a flask. We're such badasses. None of the chaperones caught us, either.
Unfortunately, we got there right after a sweet hip hop set, and they started playing 80s white people music which is fun but kind of hard to dance to, at least for me. The crowd was pretty dressed up for the most part, but in 80s gear, not in classy prom gear like us. There were several celebrities on hand as well, including Steve-O, Chill Rob A, Proust Scholar, and Quizmaster Chris.
Finally, I heard the opening piano riff of OPP and it was on. That was followed by Rumpshaker, so I was totally getting down.
After prom we all headed back to April Annie's place for the post party. We were all pretty exhausted from all that dancing by then, so we just sat around and shot the bull until the lovely Ginger became allergic to April's cats and then the party was over. But all in all, a magical prom evening, without question the best prom I've been to in the 2000s.
You can check out more prom photos over at Ginger's website.
In what movie does Blane tell Andie that he always believed in her, he just didn't believe in himself, then walk out of the prom to get in his BMW?
In what epic prom pic did John Travolta play Billy Nolan?
In what movie did the following exchange about prom take place:
- Who are you gonna ask?
- That girl over there.
- Summer Wheatly? How the heck are you gonna do that?
- Build her a cake or something.
What was the name of the first internet video series produced by Michael Eisner's new production company in 2007, appearing on Myspace.
What is the flower that men wear on their lapel at prom? (Bonus points for spelling it right)
Posting photos of last week's winners. All questions will be about Prom. One guess per person.
O'NEALS
- Mochachino Boy Sluts 112
- Young, Old, Restless 91
- Life's a Lemon 89
- Dorksided 87
- Ham Dog Pilgrims 83
- Hurtin Bombs 108
- Sofa Kingdom 102
- Zip! Bam! Pow! 84
- Bonhammer 83
- Western Omelette 81
- Narco Dysfunktion 81
- Jams 100
- This is Not a Bus 98
- Lost W/O Maureen 84
- Fighting Mongooses 60
- File Clerks 56
- John Brown's Booty 109
- Duane's World 96
- Matthew McConaghy's Nephew 95
- Axis of Evil Knieval 91
- Penn Fifteen Club 86
- Grover Cleveland Spanked Me...107
- Diego's Moist Panties 97
- Sofa Kingdom 92
- Drive Shaft 85
- Show Minus One 84
I ain't getting scores done in time. I got too much prom preparation to do. You'll live. I'll post 'em manana. In the above photo you'll see me before senior prom ('93). And the man in the front? You might recognize him. That's Black Elvis, who we randomly ran into on prom night. My date was in the middle with the black dress on. Elodie Danjou. Beautiful exchange student from France. I only dated exchange students back then, and for the most part things were great. At least until they moved away and I cried my face off and tried to figure out a way I could find a sustainable future in France, despite having no knowledge of the language and having no Visa or special skills.
Ended up staying up until 3 am playing Wii for the first time. I'm a pretty decent wii bowler. Not so good at American Idol. I've always considered myself more of an entertainer than a singer anyway. Well, got up this morning and took the kids in the summer program to the Franklin Institute. Pretty fun. Anyways, just got home and still have to do my prom shopping. Think I'm gonna hit up those suit shops in Old City. But I'll try to get get scores done first. By the way, last night was ridiculous. Only two teams showed up at Good Dog, so I had to cancel. Then I went to Bards, and there were literally about 100 people playing.
- Abraham Lincoln: Werewolf? (You'll notice Chip in this, but this isn't the one we were working on the last couple fo days. Hopefully we'll be able to get that online before too long.)
- I got turned away at the door of Tattooed Mom's last night because I didn't have my license on me. As we turned back around to leave, Chip angrily screamed at the bouncer, "Johnnygoodtimes.com. You should check it out sometime! He's like 35!" I'm like an NBA player, rolling with an unruly posse that is furious when we don't get our way.
- You can play Connect Four here. Some guy dedicated his entire thesis to solving the game in 1988, and was successful. So if you have about 6 or 7 hours to kill you can read his thesis and master the game and then beat Connect Four guru Beyonce.
Did my story on the answer to this week's question of the week. So if you want the answer, just click here.
Apparently the thing Chip and I put together went over great last night. Finally after years of unmitigated disaster from Wet Firecracker Productions, we have a winner. Hopefully, we can show it again soon. In other news and notes: 80s Prom at the Moshulu Friday night. It is fairly absurd how excited I am about this. (Sorry ladies, I've already got a prom date. But don't give up hope. I still need a date for Blobfest.)
Still working on this thing with Chip. He'll be doing it at the Shubin Theatre, 407 Bainbridge, tonight at 8 p.m. If you're not playing quizzo, I highly recommend this. Should be a fun show. In the meantime, here's a rundown of weird news stories, including another guy flying through the air in a lawn chair.
...I'm a Sixers fan now. While the Phillies brass sat on their thumbs, the Cubs and Brewers both went out and vastly improved their pitching staffs. But why should Phillies ownership care? After all, they have found the sweet spot. They can take advantage of three of their best players ever (Rollins, Howard, and Utley) to put people in the seats. Why pay money to improve when you are selling out games? Meanwhile, read this about the Brewers: Though the owner has infused financial life into the franchise which hemorrhaged money during the pre-revenue sharing days of the Selig regime, $90 million is still a fairly significant figure for a team that plays in Major League Baseball's smallest media market.
"We'll probably generate some measure of a loss this season," Attanasio said.
It's a loss Attanasio, an investment banker by trade, is willing -- and feels somewhat obligated -- to take in order to produce a championship.
Even though just one team during his time as owner finished with a winning record, attendance has been steadily growing each year. The team is on pace to draw nearly three million fans in 2008. Those numbers made the move possible.
"It's a huge boost to the fans who have had a long drought here," Melvin said. "Maybe they thought this kind of thing couldn't happen. We felt we needed to go for it."
So who's the real winner here? The Phils, obviously. They are going to win 85 games this year and maybe or maybe not make the playoffs. But who cares? Ownership will make money hand over fist either way. Meanwhile, the multi-multi millionaire who owns the Brewers is actually going to lose money. And all he'll get for his loss is a legitimate shot at a World Series title and generate unbridled excitement for an entire city.
Sorry I been a little light in content lately. Just got back from VA yesterday, and things been like Whoa ever since. Had to do my Metro column this morning and then helped Chip out with a show he's putting on tomorrow at the Shubin. I think it's gonna be pretty hilarious, and I am hoping to have him perform this sketch again (possibly at a quizzo) in the near future. Anyways, here's a few interesting developments:
- A website called Schmitten Kitten recently did a write up about the Quizzo Cutie. The Good News: The women who write the website look kind of hot, and just as importantly, they like dorks. The Bad News: They apparently play with the hipsters in NoLibs. Please ladies, bring your game to Center City, and allow me to introduce you to some real
losersQuizzo Cuties. - Prank calling never gets old.
- Do the right thing and vote for Pat the Bat to get to the All-Star Game. Listen, I don't care about Carlos Lee's RBI total, just vote for Pat, dammit!
There is only one Vice president of the United States from Philadelphia, and his birthday is later this week. Who is he?
Gerald Ford's Vice President would be turning 100 today.
This Memphis Grizzly from Philly played his college ball at Syracuse and turns 25 today.
MTV Makes Me Want to Smoke Crack was the first official release from this eccentric performer in 1993.
This musical genius once said: "I don't apologize for being patriotic... If there is something socially incorrect about being patriotic and supporting your troops, then they can kiss my [ass] on that, because I'm not going to budge on that at all." God Bless Him. God Bless His Birthday. And God Bless America. Now let's kill some brown people! Hell Yeah!
This actress, turning 57 today, starred in Prizzi's Honor and the Addams Family.
This children's entertainer with songs such as Bananaphone, Baby Beluga, and Shake My Sillies Out turns 60 today.
Alright y'all, sorry I was MIA today. On the road all day, and since it was sunny, I got a sunburn on my left arm and not my right one, so that looks pretty kool. Anyways, gonna post pics of last week's winners. With questions about people celebrating July 8th B-days. One guess per person.
ONEALS
- Life's a Lemon 112
- Tony's Home 101
- Boo Cubs Wait for No One 97
- Young, Old, and Restless 91
- The Embarrassments 88
- Hurtin Bombs 107
- Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 94
- Sofa Kingdom 93
- Nobama, No Way 83
- Western Omelette 77
- 1022 102
- The Jams 101
- Trust Us We Know 98
- My Mom Says I'm Cool 96
- Gogurt Oh Face 92
- Brain Puddin' 101
- Catdog 98
- Duane's World 97
- Penn Fifteen Club 94
- Team Chiavettas 93
- L. Ron Hubbard's Diabetics 93
- No More June Swoon 85
- Janene Showers Naked 76
- Flugger Farver 67
- Ballbusters 6
- Sofa Kingdom 108
- Grover Cleveland Spanked Me 107
- Jem and the Holograms 101
- Jimmy's Angels 92
- I Call the Big One Bitey 91
- First off, I did a pretty damn good piece on the Kerri Lee site about the top 10 things you didn't know about the Founding Fathers. This is good stuff. And here's 10 fun facts about the 4th of July on MSN.
- Philebrity has a pretty good roundup of stuff going on in the city this weekend, as does Philly.com.
- Just when you think Philly has turned you into a cynical curmudgeon who still can't let go of the fact that you were once a part of this city's manufactured history scam, dressing in knickers and a vest while serving Martha Washington Turkey Pot Pies to bad tippers from Sioux City, you remember that Ben Franklin and Betsy Ross just fell in love and are getting married tomorrow and I mean I'm sorry but this is the cutest thing ever.
A few of the fellas and myself went and grabbed some drinks and watched the Phils game at Noche last friday. The service was just terrific. Our server even agreed to have her photo taken with us! Also the nachos were half off on fridays, and they were pretty good. But the service was even better. I highly recommend Noche in the early evening before the D-bag crowd rolls in.
Yes, all questions tonight will be Americana related, at least somewhat. I am expecting pretty good crowds, so I would suggest getting there early.
Good Dog 8 p.m.
Bards 10 p.m.
This, ladies and gentleman, is why we are the greatest nation on earth. Watch how deep the water is when he stands up. The only people more amazed than you at this American's greatness are the Japanese people in tuxedos who are gathered around the baby pool.
It was on this date in 1881 that Guiteau shot President James Garfield at a train station in Washington, D.C. So who was Charles Guiteau? Basically, Guitea was a psycho creep who loitered around the White House every day, assuming that if he persisted, newly elected president Garfield would make him ambassador to Paris. But Garfield decided that, for some reason, he would prefer not to have a crazed lunatic as a foreign emissary, so Guiteau was repeatedly denied in his quest. Fed up, Guiteau went and bought a revolver, and on July 2nd he shot the President as he prepared to board a train. Strangely, part of Garfield's entourage at the time was none other than Robert Todd Lincoln.
The real tragedy of Garfield's death, 11 weeks after the shooting, was that it was caused not by the bullet but by doctors. After the shooting, numerous doctors (including lead physician with the amazing name of Dr. Doctor Bliss. Yes, his parents had named him Doctor.) stuck their unsterilized fingers and instruments into his body in an attempt to find the bullet. Mistakingly believing that the bullet had lodged in the intestine, doctors ordered that Garfield eat almost nothing, further weakening the President and essentially starving him to death. Alexander Graham Bell devised a metal detector to find the bullet, but since Garfield was lying on a bed with a metal frame, the machine malfunctioned. (Incredibly, no one at the time could figure out why). Garfield was moved to the Jersey Shore on September 6th, and died in Long Branch, New Jersey on September 19th.
Guiteau's trial was a circus, with him reciting poetry and songs in the courtroom, and taking out a personal ad in the New York Herald for a nice Christian lady under 30. He began making plans to run for president in 1884. His insanity defense was denied, though he was obviously out of his mind, and he was hung on June 30th, 1882, almost exactly a year after he had shot Garfield. The Philly connection: Part of Guiteau's brain is currently on display at the Mutter Museum.
RELATED: Excellent 2006 article in the New York Times about the poor performance of Garfield's doctors.
- Two years ago at this time, American was introduced to one of the bravest superheros of all time, as QuizzoMan fought off Wrong Answer at a wild superhero quizzo at the Franklin Institute. There is another quizzo scheduled at the Franklin on Saturday, July 26th. Details forthcoming.
- Three years ago, JGT checked out the action at Live 8, where a fight almost broke out during Toby Keith's set.
- Four years ago, the infamous "crackhead steals Johnny's laundry" situation developed. JGT never did see that laundry again.
My boss at the Painter (pop. 246) Experiment Station had tried to get me to quit for weeks. He had taken a fellow employee to a Crab Festival a few days earlier while leaving me to put thousands of beans in little styrofoam cups filled with dirt. But I was either too stubborn or too dumb to quit, so finally he had to fire me. I remember it vividly, him saying that there were going to be some changes and my help was no longer needed. I was bitter, because the year before I had worked at the same place for a different boss, and it had gone swell. In fact, if you ever come home with me, I can show you where I helped build a well, the only manly thing I've ever done in my life. One of the perks of the job had also been working with the delightfully eccentric and beautiful Robyn (below), as we would get together and hang out on Saturday nights, listening to Choppy's Goodtime Oldies on WESR 103.9 FM. So needless to say, I was bummed about getting canned.
It was late June, and I still had another month and a half before school started back, so I needed to find a new job. Where I'm from, jobs for college students aren't exactly plentiful, so my dad (who is a farmer) told me he could use some help selling produce in a parking lot. So I loaded up my dads old Ford pickup with cantaloupe, watermelon, and sweet corn, and headed down to R&C Seafood in Cheriton (pop. 499). And I stood in their parking lot for the next month, hollering, "Get your fresh cantaloupe!" to people coming out of the store. That was July of 1995, which you might remember as the month where hundreds of people in the US died because it was go unforgivably hot. Over 90 degrees for 28 straight days, if I remember correctly, and I was standing out on asphalt, raising watermelons into the air to motorists zooming by on Route 13. Now, I know what you're thinking: "Wow, Johnny, you're like a superhero, risking your life to help humanity. Whereas Batman puts it all on the line to fight evil, you put it all on the line to provide people with sweet corn." And it's true. To add to the grumpy old man portion of the story, I was getting paid minimum wage and it was like $4.25 back then. So after an 8 hour day in the baking sun I was driving the pickup home with a cool $34 in my pocket (before taxes). But on Saturday nights I would head down the road to Robyn's house and we'd hang out and listen to Choppy, in his slow Southern Twang, call out, "I hope y'aller ready fer a lil' Motown, cause here comes Diana Ross and the Supreeeemes." Life was good. But the job sucked.
P.S. I just started using my scanner, and since nothing interesting happens in summer, I'm probably just going to regale you with a lot more long, boring stories about the Good Ol' Days. You've been warned.
The Battle of Gettysburg started on July 1, 1863. Who was the winning general of that battle?
Just yesterday I discovered that Dark Horse John's website is actually up and functional, and so I did a bit of browsing around and came across the following story about his job as City Pool Bouncer, which is pretty damn funny: The fragile equilibrium of order amidst the thrashing chaos of free swim was mostly maintained only by the fact that everyone seemed to know that the cops responded to calls from Jacobs in about 9 seconds and that the staff - usually me and the other bouncers - would dial 911 at the SLIGHTEST provocation. Don't get out of the pool when we tell you to? 911. Throw a soda at a lifeguard? 911. Make the staff think that you MIGHT CONSIDER starting a fight with another patron? 911 double-quick. And it wasn't like we were abusing it. The cops loved us.
Anyhow, I feel inspired. Might write something later today about selling cantaloupe on the side of the road or about farming clams.
