June 2008 Archives

This bands last two albums are 10,000 Days and Lateralus.

This band released three albums: Pretty on the Inside, Live Through This, and Celebrity Skin.

Who had a hit with the song "A.M. Radio"?

D-Mac was off on this one. This singer, best known for his covers, is best known for being the opening performer at Woodstock. He also played at Bill Clinton's inauguration.

What Aerosmith album featured the songs "Walk This Way" (the original) and "Sweet Emotion"?

This band from California reached the height of their fame in 1991 with their album fear, which featured the songs Walk on the Ocean and All I Want.

So D-Mac wrote a short novel about the bands he hates in the comments section of Kerri-Lee's blog. So I'm gonna post pics of last week's winners with questions about bands that D-Mac hates. One guess per person. Oh, and nobody last week could figure out where Mission Beach is? Really?

Running to grab some lunch with Ginger, but in the meantime, here's me and Kerri-Lee Halkett's least favorite songs of all time. Be back this afternoon with photos of last weeks winners.

O'NEALS

1. Zombie George Carlin 104
2. DorkSided 103
3. We're Here to Kill Your Monster 92
4. The N Crowd 85
5. Philla Killas 80

BARDS

1. Sofa Kingdom 113
2. Hurtin Bombs 108
3. The Unemployed 96
4. El Narcotizo 90
5. Future Fathers of Gloucester, MA 74

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

1. The Jams 113
2. Trust Us We Know 111
3. Hippy Dippy Weathermen 88
4. Epic Fail 86
5. But My Mom Says I'm Cool 77

BLACK SHEEP

1. Duane's World 111
2. Doc Eisen's Leisure Time Products 99
3. Axis of Evil Knieval 97
4. Penn 15 Club 91
5. McKie's Hired Guns 84

GOOD DOG

1. AAR 86
2. Shomer Shabbas 82
3. Fantastic Foundlings 71
4. Pinkertons 69
5. Underachivers 69

BARDS

1. Sofa Kingdom 110
2. Hurtin Bombs 105
3. Girls Gone Oscar Wilde 100
4. Kobe, How's My A$$ Taste 99
5. This is not a Bus 95

• Gonna try to do the scoreboard after I get back from the bank. In the meantime, here's a few ideas for stuff to do this weekend.
• Oh, and I've got a gig coming up at the Franklin Institute in July. More details in the coming weeks. But I will tell you this: pirates will be involved.
• And Chincoteague is on the front page of philly.com right now. Woo-hoo! Represent, represent! Ok, so actually Chincoteague for the pony penning is pretty much the stupidest summer idea ever, where a bunch of Jerseyites go so they can actually buy little Cindy a pony for her birthday. But on the other weekends, it's a pretty neat place.

There is an excellent piece on Len Bias on ESPN.com this week that I think you guys should check out. Inspired me to write a short bit about his death after the jump. (Warning: Serious, non-snarky, and clumsy emoting on the site straight ahead.)

• First off, anybody got any exciting plans for watching the Euro final on Sunday? Anybody know of any Spanish or German bars where people will be going wild (and where there will be Spanish and/or German women who are not celebrating a birthday that day?). Ludwig's woulda been perfect for this. Got any good ideas, drop 'em below.
• Posted a thing on Kerri Lee's site lately about the origins of common phrases and cliches. Think you might get a kick out of it.
• There are rumblings that the Phillies were stealing signs from the Red Sox in their recent matchup. This from the Boston Globe (via PhiladelphiaWillDo): The Sox played the Phillies last week, and one major league official thought the Phillies were taking Boston's signs. Yep, cheating got Barry Bonds 762 Home Runs, cheating got the Patriots three Super Bowl wins, and cheating got the Phillies blown out twice in three games by the Red Sox. Mon dieu, imagine how bad we'd be getting beat by the American League if we weren't cheating.
• The Bad News: Making a dumbass rap video about killing cops while waving a gun around will get you arrested, especially if your son is filming. The Good News: Making a dumbass rap video about killing cops while waving a gun around and getting arrested is definitely gonna help move units of your forthcoming album. The kids love it when you keep it real!

Just because.

Here's the latest. A lot of people did amazing things when they were my age, I still haven't done anything amazing yet. Oh yeah, and that whole, "I forgot that today was my birthday" thing I wrote about? Yeah, it really happened. All in all, one of the best blowoff lines I've ever gotten. Also, one time I was in line at Ross Dress For Less in Hawaii and thought that the sales clerk was flirting with me, so I asked her if she wanted to get together for a drink sometime. She said, "Thanks"...long dramatic pause..."But nooooo thanks." (snarky, sarcastic smile). I'm still a little bit miffed about that one.

Here is the impossible round of Saturday's quiz about summer. Answers after the jump.

1. On what tv show would you have found a character named Summer Roberts?
2. Who wrote the baseball classic, Summer of ’49?
3. JAWS is considered the first ever summer blockbuster. Who wrote it?
4. What Canadian city has a popular tourist destination known as The Beaches?
5. In what movie did a character named Summer Wheatley (above) run for class president?
6. In what city will you find Arthur Bryant’s Barbecue?
7. This 2001 film starred Janeane Garofalo and David Hyde Pierce.
8. Paul Newman’s first ever Broadway appearance was in this 1953 play written by William Inge. The title is one "summery" word.
9. This water ice stand at 7th and Christian has been in business since 1945.
10. What legendary rocker had a song called the Talking Bear Mountain Picnic Massacre Blues?

Well, one thing you can say about Quizmaster Chris: He doesn't keep his feelings to himself, and isn't scared to write what he thinks. A few months ago, I forwarded the fact that an employee of Dirty Frank's had interrupted a game of quizzo by throwing a chair. Well, a couple of weeks ago, Dirty Frank's pulled the plug on quizzo entirely, and Chris was none too pleased. Here are a few of his more choice comments about the bar and the way it went down: No one at Frank's gives a flying f*** about you. We're all disposable pieces of s*** to them, which is ironic as you can't get much s****ier than some of the staff. Keep in mind that an employee who smacked a customer in the head and threw a chair across the room is still employed there, but the quiz has to go, because the quiz made a few unsavory alcoholics unhappy...It's very difficult for me to promote the idea of people coming to a place to play a quiz where an employee throws a barstool across the room, smacks a customer in the head, and not only remains an employee but hangs around to mock me on the odd off-duty night. It's difficult to get people to come back to a place where sometimes people who need to be in the drunk tank are still being served, or where it's hard to hear me over the terminally rude, who decide that question 3 of round 4 is the perfect time to sing "Happy Birthday."... If you want slow and/or bitter service, the opportunity for a fistfight, an increasingly pathetic alcoholic-centered group of obnoxious patrons, largely unregulated by the world's smallest bouncers... if you'd like to enjoy this with a skull-splitting soundtrack of bad metal and rap... try Frank's.

Quizmaster Chris has replaced that quiz with a new one on Wednesday nights at Ray's Happy Birthday Bar at 9 p.m.

I just came across the following sentence in Saturday's Inquirer**: ...or you can challenge your brain at the Quizzo Tournament with Philly staple Johnny Goodtimes in the Innovation Studio. Philly Staple? That's awesome. Staple is not really legend, but still bigger than "Philly regular" or even "Philly entertainer." Ha! Staple. I'm gonna be riding high off this all day. In other news, I don't have a lot of excitement going on in my life right now.

**no, I wasn't googling myself. Puh-Leez. What do you think I am, some sort of loser? Don't answer that.

• Now, I've always been a little bit scared to go in the water. You know, sharks and piranhas and kingfish and all that. But I have still gone swimming anyway, because I am very brave. But no longer. I will never enter the water again, after I saw the video of the underwater sea snake robot.
• G. Love just released his latest album, Superhero Brother, yesterday. You can listen to some of the new songs on his Myspace. The song Wiggle Worm sounds good, but the name just reminds of underwater sea snake robots. He'll be playing at Penn's Landing on August 16th.
• The lovely Ginger just released her first column in the Philadelphia Weekly.

Got to see two hip hop legends over the weekend. First up, on Friday, went to see Slick Rick at the Trocadero. There was much hype about MC Ricky D playing with a live band. It was soon apparent why he was doing that. Because, on his own, Slick Rick has about much charisma as dry paint. He honestly never moved for the entire 45 minute set. I mean, it was still cool, because I got to see him perform some of his old hits, but I think he was, quite frankly, bored out of his mind doing "Children's Story" for the 7,000th time. When the crowd called for an encore, the whole band returned...except for Slick Rick. On a brighter note, it was my first trip back to the Troc since the firing, and it was great to see the gang again.

After my gig at the Kimmel on Saturday, I decided to see Spinderella at the Perelman Center. And let me just say it was off the hook. She was all over it. I mean, it's not real easy to just be a DJ on a stage all by yourself and own it, but she was just awesome. I wasn't even dancing (I have never been able to walk up to a random woman and just start dancing. Just can't do it.) but I sat there in awe of how great her set list was, and she kept chatting with the crowd. Of course, by the time I found someone who might have danced with me (emphasis on "might have"), she started playing freaking disco, and I can't dance to that garbage. But for the most part, Spinderella was phenomenal. One of the best DJs I've ever seen. Then to top it all off, after she got done, she came down in to the crowd to sign autographs and take photos. Pretty stark contrast to a guy who wouldn't even come back out for an encore.

What show did Larry Mendte co-host when it debuted in 1996?

• A recent poll listed the best and worst cover songs of all time, and somehow Shatner's Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds didn't make either list. Which means that in my eyes this list is moot.


• Posted 15 good George Carlin quotes on the Kerri Lee blog.


• The Philadelphia Independent Film Festival is going on this weekend. Phillychitchat has a preview. Here is the International Film Fest website.

Assateague. (two possible answers)

Mission Beach.

Cocoa Beach.

Old Orchard Beach.

South Padre Island.

Cape Hatteras.

Here's the pics of last week's winners. Questions below are from the Saturday night round of "What a Badass Beach." I name the beach, you tell me what state it's in.

It was a thriller at the Kimmel Center on Saturday night, as a packed house of I'd say (roughly) 150 people played to determine who would win the first ever Summer Solstice Spectacular. In the end, we had a shocker, as the Flesh Tuxedo edged the Hurtin Kingdom (a mashup of the Sofas and the Bombs), 104-103. It all came down to the final question. "What legendary water ice shop will you find on 7th and Christian?" The Kingdom answered Jack's (wrong), the Tuxedo answered John's (right), and that was the difference in the contest. I'll try to post some questions a little later, and will also talk a little more about the other acts as well. Click "Continue reading" below to see all of the final scores.

Gonna go grab some breakfast with the parents. Be back this afternoon with scores from the Kimmel Center Show (which by the way was awesome. Big ups to everybody who came out.) Also, I'll have to tell you about seeing not one but two 1980s hip hop legends over the weekend. One of them was great, one was lame. Details this afternoon. In the meantime, here's some great George Carlin quotes. One of my favorites is: The very existence of flamethrowers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, "You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done."

O'NEALS

1. Testicular Fortitude 102


2. Goodbye Bobbie 100


3. Dorksided 97


4. Young, Old and Restless 90


5. L. Ron Hubbard's Diabetics 89

BARDS

1. Sofa Kingdom 107


2. El Narcotizo 105


3. Hurtin Bombs 102


4. The Epidermitologist 81


5. Cold Popeyes For Breakfast 77

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

1. But My Mom Says I'm Cool 97


2. Meet the Cemetary 91


3. Drunk Baby Brighton Early 89


4. 1022 72


5. Good bya Minaya 67

BLACK SHEEP

1. The Axis of Evil Knieval 103


2. Duane's World 97


3. Ass Destruction 89


4. Penn Fifteen Club 85


5. Ebony Ovines 66

GOOD DOG

1. The Penn Fifteen Club 89


2. Chelsea's Kosher Kitchen 86


3. Morningwood 71


4. Rocket Scientists 70


5. Pelvis Breastley 66

BARDS

1. Hurtin Bombs 101


2. The Excessively Hirsute 98


3. Sofa Kingdom 95


4. Jesse and the Rippers 95


5. Western Omelette 84

Big match today between Germany and Portugal! SPOILER ALERT: Nothing will happen for a while and then several guys will fall on the ground holding their ankles and then nothing will happen for a long time and then hey look, boobs! (Pretty safe for work, unless you can't look at girl in bikinis or body paint.) UPDATE: Germany wins 3-2, which we're pretty sure is the highest scoring game in the history of soccer.

On our pantheon of people we don't like, hipsters fall somewhere between New Jersey drivers and Boston Red Sox fans. So we were tickled pink when we saw that a few of them in Francisville got strong-armed by the police a few days ago. After a search of their shelled out home, the cops quickly concluded that they were more than mere hipsters, they were possible terrorists. "They're a hate group," (Police Captain Dennis Wilson) asserted. "We're trying to drum up charges against them, but, unfortunately, we'll probably have to let them go."

Of course they are a hate group. They're hipsters. They hate everything. They hate fun, they hate sports, they hate people, they hate laughter. They are the walking definition of a hate group.

My suggestion for the "Francisville Four"? Go back to listening to the Puffy Doorknobs or whatever random band you're going to love for the next 15 minutes before you suddenly decide that they've sold out for playing in a venue that has electricity and then hate on them over the Champagne of Beers at Johnny Brenda's. And shave that damn beard off. It's summertime, fool.

RELATED: Our prediction? Philebrity hosts some sort of Belle and Sebastian dance party fund raiser for these clowns.

Did my Metro column today on the tomato. The video above is taken from La Tomatina. Looks completely insane. Here is the link to the 1883 NY Times article I reference at the end. Pretty hilarious. And hey John Richie of Hempstead, if you're reading this, trust me, I've been there. Looking for a tomato blog? Here ya go.

Alright, here's the deal on Saturday. If you are in town, you wanna go to this. Seriously, it's gonna be fun. And yes, they will be serving alcohol. The Solstice Spectacular starts at 3 p.m., and rolls on all night long. I'll tell you about the quizzo first, then discuss some of the other fun stuff going on.

WHO: You and me, fool. Plus there is a pianist between rounds.

WHAT: Summer Solstice quizzo. Yes, it will be a themed quizzo, with Summer as the obvious theme.

WHEN: Saturday night at 10 p.m.

WHERE: Kimmel Center. It's that building on Broad Street with the big windows.

WHY: Why not? Also, I am in discussions with them about doing Quizzo Bowl V there, and it will definitely work in my favor if we get a good turnout for this.

PRIZES: Got 4 airline vouchers from American Airlines to give away, plus several tickets to upcoming Kimmel Center concerts and events.

TICKETS: Get 'em at the door. $10 pays not just for quizzo, but for all the stuff going on all day and all night. A few highlights:

• 3:15 p.m. GIVE AND TAKE JUGGLERS.


• 6:30 p.m. PHILLY POPS FESTIVAL BRASS.


• 8:30 p.m. BRAZILIAN FESTIVAL.


• 10 p.m. QUIZZO


• 12 p.m. DJ SPINDERELLA. Yes, that DJ Spinderella. Will Johnny be performing "Whatta Man" at this event? There is only one way to find out.


• 2 a.m. HYDROGEN JUKEBOX CIRCUS SIDESHOW: The Hydrogen Jukebox Circus Sideshow ensemble began as a small a rock band but has grown to incorporate dancers, poets, puppets, live painting, comedy, fire art and more. Did someone say puppets and fire? I'm in.

There a ton more stuff going on too. Click here to check out the full schedule.

It's funny because it's true. Basically the story of my trip to Mexico in 2004. Thanks to Elvira for sending this in. If you see something funny, drop me a line.

It's a personality test based on the Myers-Briggs that will tell you what kind of personality you have. I am dying to see what it says about you guys. I am an ESFP. Please take the test (takes probably about 5-7 minutes) and then post your results below. Word.

This from the New York Post: What a crowd, these bums are, all of them, from the Wilpons at the top to Omar Minaya down below, all of them who conspired to botch this firing worse than any firing has ever been botched. Ever. You wouldn't trust these guys to run a 7-11, let alone a National League baseball team. What a joke. What a cowardly, dastardly joke. A midnight massacre. A 3 a.m. thrashing. Disgraceful. Utterly, completely, disgraceful...Is this the best the Mets can do? Is this really what they are about? Can they really consider themselves a professional operation when they do the simplest task in sports, firing the manager, this wretchedly?

A sad, sad day to have a hairy neck.

Swung by the Mojito Olympics at Rum Bar at 6 p.m. last night, where Trivia Art was a judge. I'm not gonna lie. I really had limited interest in watching people muddle mint, I just wanted a free Mojito. Hung there for about an hour, then headed over to the Khyber for the Dirtiest Sketch Competition. I'll be honest, it was extremely disturbing. Beyond tasteless. (If you want to see the one that NOT SAFE FOR WORK! won, go here and scroll down. Please be warned, it is extremely disturbing and not at all safe for work. Seriously.)The sketches were pretty insane (my favorite was a bad 1950s B-Movie spoof, complete with terrible acting and a sex crazed robot), and it was also great to hang out with Philly legends Scott Johnston and the Legendary WID. The WID had a anti-theft device on his bike that was revolutionary. It consisted of 1) a rope and 2) that's it, just a rope. His bike was not stolen. Had the Brooklyn Summer Ale, btw, which was delicious. And even got home at a reasonable hour.

What band's first ever single was titled "True Men Don't Kill Coyotes"?

Dunno if you've seen this, but it's pretty good. The guy who did it, Jon Lajoie, also came out with a part two. Thanks to Erin for sending this in. If you've got something that might be good to post on the site, holla atcha boy.

Just got back from 9th and Filbert where, in the interest of JUSTICE, I fought charges stemming from a few tickets I got while I was waiting to get my car to pass inspection. Anyways, got the charges down from $365 to $128, which allowed me to declare victory "on behalf of all the little people." Gonna hit up the Mojito Olympics in a little while, then I'm off to be a judge at the Dirtiest Sketch Competition. Me and Chip entered it last year and the response we received for our piece gave us the inspiration to name ourselves "Wet Firecracker Productions". So this year I'm a judge. If last year is any indication, it should be pretty disgusting.

This book, written in 1939, is known for the difficult and abstract language with which Joyce chose to write it, and though it is a famous book, few people have actually read it.

What collection of short stories did Joyce write in 1914?

This character was the protagonist for the first three chapters of Ulysses and was the chief protagonist in the 1916 work mentioned in a previous question. He was Joyce's literary alter ego.

The original manuscript of Ulysses is actually found in Philadelphia, at this museum on 2008 Delancey. (There is actually a reading going on there all day today.)

Bloomsday is a celebration of his first date with this woman, who would later become his wife.

What semi-autobiographical work did Joyce complete in 1916?

Today is Bloomsday, so I'm going to ask questions about James Joyce and Ulysses. One guess per person.

O'NEALS

1. L. Ron's Diabetics 97
2. Young, Old, and Restless 93
3. We Got Nothin' 90
4. Smiley's People 69
5. Swampass 66

BARDS

1. Sofa Kingdom 114
2. Big Brownouts 108
3. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 97
4. Hurtin Bombs 92
5. Bea Arthur's Alabama Hot Pocket 9

1 LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

1. But My Mom Says I'm Cool...and Lambda 107
2. Jams 106
3. Trust Us We Know 101
4. 1022 84
5. Corn Speckled Mud Snakes 76

BLACK SHEEP

1. In Pursuit of Ale 106
2. Duane's World 105
3. Duffy's Weapons of Ass Destruction 98
4. ADHD 92
5. 30 Year Old Virgin 89

GOOD DOG

1. Obviously You're Not a Golfer 95 (won in OT)
2. Penn 15 Club 95
3. Poppin the Quizzo Cherry 77
4. In the Way 74
5. Obamas Baby Mamas 69

BARDS

1. Hurtin Bombs 108
2. I lIke Birds 87
3. Suck It Trebeck 85
4. Rick Santorum 82
5. Deez Nuts 75

First of all, like whoa, where did everyone come from? One week after I actually had to cancel a quizzo, I bet we had the most players we've had in 6 months. Just about every quizzo was packed to capacity, and we actually had to turn people away at Bards last night. Anyways, the action was just as crazy, as The Jams finally fell to But My Mom Thinks I'm Cool W/ Lambda after a 6 week ride, and the Girls of IPA pulled off a huge upset at the Black Sheep, holding off a mad run by Duane's World in the final round. A perfect round in Round Four would have meant perfection by the Sofa Kingdom on Tuesday, but a multiple choice question about Kombucha denied their dreams of destiny. A controversial decision at the Good Dog, as JGT, after conferring with the Good Dog staff, gave half credit for Man Full of Anger instead of Man Full of Trouble, allowing Obviously You're Not a Golfer to earn a tie with the Penn 15 Club. The Golfers then took the win in OT. The week was bookended by a thrilling, 97-93 win by L. Ron Hubbard's Diabetics over the Young, the Old, and the Restless and the only blowout of the week, the Hurtin Bombs 108-87 victory over I Like Birds at the Bards on Thursday. A pretty thrilling week, as 4 of the 6 matches were determined by 4 points or less.

Did a write up on Kerri-Lee's blog about Friday the 13th. Today is also the day that the new M. Night movie "The Happening" comes out. Unfortunately, the reviews haven't been so great.

Current headline on philly.com: The way to your Father's heart may well be through a steak knife. (Thanks to Todd for making me aware of this.)

Am I the only one who finds the Tim Donaghy case a lot more compelling than either Spygate or the steroid scandal in baseball? For one thing, that Game 6 of the Western Conference Finals was perhaps the worst robbery I have ever seen in a sporting event as the referees were all but visibly rooting for the Lakers in the 4th quarter. At one point, a foul was called on Mike Bibby for being elbowed in the head by Kobe. I remember being furious after that game (and I'm not even a Kings fan), and so, to be honest, I am glad to see the NBA get its comeuppance. I have thought for years that the NBA was not on the up and up, and I am obviously not alone. A recent poll on ESPN.com showed that 76% of over 80,000 in the poll thought that two refs conspired to fix Game 6 of the 2002 Western Conference Final. 1 in 4 people think that the NBA is on the up and up! I bet 1 in 4 people believe that Pro Wrestling is on the up and up!

RELATED: Nader's back at it.
RELATED: News story about Game 6.

Last year I did a column on Bad Sequels. This week, I decided to do a sequel to that column. Of course, the column last year inspired a contest ultimately won by Steve-O's Lambada 2: The Dance That's Been Legal Since 2006. And here is Entertainment Weekly's list of the 25 worst actual sequels ever. So what do you think is the actual worst sequel ever? I gotta go with Big Top Pee-Wee. But of course, I had impossibly high expectations for the film.

1. What game show host provided the voice of Gizmo in Gremlins?
2. This author wrote the Death of Ivan Ilych and the Kreutzer Sonata in the 1880s.
3. What actor played a teenage Indiana Jones in The Last Crusade?
4. Only 3 players active in baseball today have career averages of .330 or higher. All 3 of them have spent their whole careers with the same team. Who are they?
5. What three #1 albums did Madonna release in the 1980s?
6. Journalistic legend H.L. Mencken was born in, died in, and did almost of all of his writing in what East Coast city?
7. The colon is part of this canal, which is from the Latin for "To Nourish".
8. Yves. St. Laurent worked for this French fashion legend who gave us "The New Look".
9. You'll find the Gates of Hell in Philadelphia. What artist gave us the Gates of Hell?
10. Marky Mark's first album had the word "Music" in it. What was it called?

It was on this date in 1962 that the only succesful escape from Alcatraz ever took place. By successful, of course, I mean that they actually got out of the prison. It is believed that they died while in the bay, though a few years ago MythBusters recreated the escape, and were able to do so. Each and every year, in honor of the escape, there is an Escape From Alcatraz triathlon in San Fran that includes a swim in the San Francisco Bay (which is currently a brisk 56 degrees.)

• Got another celebrity judging gig lined up! That's right, I'm going to be judging the Dirty Sketch competition at the Khyber next Monday. (Warning: Bad words will pop up if you click here.) Listen, if you have an event coming up and need a celebrity judge, I'm your guy!
• Bounty Bowl at the Rendezvous this week. The Jams have actually won 6 in a row, but I didn't bother counting 'til this week. $20 cash in addition to gift certificate for any team that beats 'em.
• Things this past Tuesday were brutally slow, but reports of quizzos impending demise were greatly exaggerated, as Wednesday was decent, and both spots were packed Thursday. Best chance for a table at quizzo this week: O'Neals and Bards tonight.
• On Wednesday, Ginger's IPA club (read: beer drinkin' women, above. Btw, see if you can find Trivia Art in that photo.) will be playing at the Black Sheep. Again, there will be numerous attractive single women who love beer at the Black Sheep on Wednesday. But you'll just be there for the questions.

Spike Lee went after Clint Eastwood this past week for not having any black people in his two movies about Iwo Jima. Of course, the first film was about the 6 soldiers who raised the flag (none of whom were black) and the 2nd movie was about Japanese soldiers who fought at Iwo Jima (Spike might be surprised to discover that very few Japanese soldiers were black). Is Spike also upset at Steven Spielberg for not using enough black actors in Schindler's List? While the lack of roles for black actors is troubling, it is kind of moronic of Lee to go after the guy who directed Bird, about Charlie Parker, and who is currently doing a movie about Nelson Mandela (as Eastwood himself said, "I'm not going to make Nelson Mandela a white guy").

After Eastwood answered back to Lee's salvos, and told Lee to shut his face, Lee said, "First of all, the man's not my father and we're not on a plantation either." Needle scratches record. To go with Godwin's Law, there should be a Spike Lee law, that every argument with Spike Lee will come to a screeching halt when Lee accuses his opponent of being a modern day slaveholder. And just to show what a classy guy he is, Spike ended his tirade with:"Even though he's trying to have a Dirty Harry flashback, I'm going to take the Obama high road and end it right here. Peace and love." Wow, comparing him to a modern day slaveholder and then ending the argument on his terms. What a creep.

What is the name of the only surviving tavern building from Pre-Revolutionary Philadelphia, having been established in 1759?

SeeqPod - Playable Search
A few weeks ago, I did my top songs about the rain. Well, now all anyone can think about is the heat. Qualifications for these songs were rather strict: They had to actually be about temperature, not about a hot girl (eliminating songs such as Hotter than Hell by Kiss and Hot Child in the City by whoever the hell did that song), about how hot a person finds themselves (This is Why I'm Hot), or about an indistinguishable "it" whose origins we are unsure of (Drop It Like It's Hot). OK, so Hot Stuff about Donna Summer isn't really about the temperature but she got a pass because she her name has the word "Summer" in it. And I guess Heat Wave is technically about love, but there was no way that song wasn't making the list. Let me know if I missed anything:

Who had a hit in 1979 with the song "Hot Stuff"?

What website was created by James Hong and Jim Young in 2000?

What "hot" song did M.I.M.S. have a hit with last year?

Who wrote and directed the movie Heat?

What big name player did the Miami Heat get for Shaquille O'Neal?

Only thing on anybody's mind these days is this heat, so I'm gonna post pics of last week's winners with questions about heat underneath. One guess per person.

O'NEALS

1. The Axis of Evil Knieval 111
2. Chip 'N' Charge 106
3. Young, Old, and Restless 102
4. L. Ron Hubbard's Diabetics 98
5. I'm Brett Myers Wife 71

BARDS (Rained Out) LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

1. The Jams 105
2. Always $ in the Banana Stand 96
3. Better Than You 87
4. Mandale Kaufmann 76
5. Trust Us We Know 75

BLACK SHEEP

1. Sofa Kingdom 101
2. Team Chiavettas 92
3. Penn Fifteen Club 85
4. Duane's World 82
5. Wide Stances 74

GOOD DOG

1. Pish De Luxe B-Day Time 98
2. Underachievers 89
3. I'm Not a Witch, I'm Your WIfe 86
4. Jesus Camp 82
5. Some Kind of Beef 77

BARDS

1. Sofa Kingdom 113
2. Cold Rod 101
3. Suck It Trebeck 94
4. Lewis Haynes Takes a Shower 93
5. Shrinky Dinky 91

Had another private party at the Black Sheep on Saturday. This time it was a birthday party for Leslie Greenspan, and a fine time was had by all. Her team Crownespan, finished 4th, as The Sydney Pollack Mungers Finished First, edging the Figgles 111-110. Wuerffel's Disciples finished 3rd. (I think there were a fair amount of Florida Alums there. I would like to point those Florida alums in the direction of this photograph. And this one. And also this one. Anyone see a pattern here?) Anyways, Johnny does corporate parties, birthdays, weddings, Super Sweet 16s, and bankruptcy proceedings. And he promises to give you 100% or more of what you deserve.

Congratulations to Team 4, the team that won at the private quiz held for the Pepper Hamilton Law Firm at the Boathouse Bar last Thursday. At least, I think it was Team 4. I can't find the damn scoresheets. Cats musta ate 'em. Anyways, real lawyers seem to know their tv lawyers, as was evidenced by the wild card round. If anyone is interested in having Philly's best quizmaster host a private event, please feel free to contact me.

To be honest, this whole Bonnie and Clyde thing is a sad indication of what happens when newspapers and TV become desperate for revenue. They latch on to any story about a hot 22 year old with a nice rack. Gone are the days of trying to win a Pulitzer by trying to find out how all of these drugs are getting into our neighborhoods or why our murder rate is so high. Now it's just "Throw some pics of a chick with nice hooters on the site every day and see if we can get a few extra web clicks." This ain't murder. It's identity theft, which nobody gives a flying s*** about. Trust me, I know.

I had somebody steal my checkbook about 5 years ago and write a $938 check to Dorney Park (seriously), among other things. The person who stole my checkbook was able to pass themself off as Jerome, even though they were a woman. A woman with apparently about 35 kids, all of whom she took to Dorney Park (who, incredulously, took a personal check). And where was the media then? I was in my time of need, filling out affidavit after affidavit. And there was no news truck anywhere in sight. Now that the news teams at all of the local TV and newspapers are experts on identity theft, I want them to do some research and see if they can find out who this damn woman was, so I can get my identity back. So that I can have my fun at Dorney Park! But I doubt they will. After all, rumor has it that a girl with a great ass just stole a Snickers bar from a 7-11. And Chopper 10 is there!

Heading to the Phillies ball game, so I'm leaving you with a few things to mull over.

• Remember Biosphere 2? Here's a short video interview with Jane Poynter, who was in the Biosphere for two years. I remember being fascinated about this thing as a teenager. I want to read this Poynter's about being in there.
• Speaking of baseball, have you read Richard Rys story in this months Philly Mag about the secretive owners of the Phillies? Pretty interesting.
• There is some sort of controversy at the ballpark in Seattle about two lesbians getting in trouble for kissing in the stands. Yada.Yada. Yada. Whatever. But then listen to this: Guerrero denied she and her date were groping each other, saying that along with eating garlic fries, they were giving each other brief kisses. What? Kissing between bites of garlic fries? Now that's disgusting. They should have been kicked out for that
• Finally, here's a few of my Kerri Lee blurbs from the past few days: A write up about Chuck Barris, a recap of weird news, and I ask what the best TV show of all time is.

Did my column this week on jean shorts, and whether or not they are ever acceptable on men. Your thoughts?

Got some really cool news, gang. As part of their annual summer solstice celebration, I will be hosting a summer quizzo at the Kimmel Center on Saturday, June 21st at 10 p.m. This is gonna be really cool, as it is part of their 15 hour party ringing in the summer season. There will also be a band playing between rounds. Tickets for the entire show, including jazz, juggling, violinists, a drag show, a drum circle, and much much more, are only $10. This entire event is going to be incredible, and I am really excited to be a part of it. Hope you guys can make it! DETAILS ON THE EVENT HERE.

Alright, I've been slack about this, but here's the deal: I'm giving you til' Friday to get something in. Two more days. Then we're done. So far I think I like the one above (from Mike) the best. Simple, but it'll look good on a business card. A woman made me a great one on a beer coaster at the Black Sheep, but she would need to scan it in or something to make it count. If you want to enter, please hit me up with your logo by Friday.

Answers (and details about some of the answers, including Nikita Koloff's new mission) after the jump.

1. This tv show about lawyers, which reached the peak of its popularity in the 1990s, starred David James Elliott and Catherine Bell.
2. Ludology is the study of what?
a) comics b) alternative fuel c) Political elections d) video games
3. Visitors at Phantom Ranch often holler out "Bobby...Cindy" because of a memorable Brady Bunch episode. In what national park will you find Phantom Ranch?
4. Deckle edges are normally associated with what?
a) sand sculpture b) paper c) patios d) plate tectonics
5. Wrestler Nikita Koloff's favorite finishing move was found on the Soviet flag. What was it?
6. This Pennsylvania town used to be known as Mauch Chunk. What is it known as now?
7. Which direction is the leaning tower of Pisa leaning: North South East or West?
8. 43,560 square feet is known as what?
9. Between 1991 and 2003, only four men were named NBA FInals MVP. One was Jordan. Who were the other 3?
10. This man, considered to be Russia's greatest poet, was killed in a duel with his wife's lover in 1837

.

Interesting column in the LA TImes about how the artist who created the Obama Hope posters used the famous Che Guevara look from his iconic photograph as his model: So it shouldn't be a surprise that L.A. artist Shepard Fairey, in his design for a Sen. Barack Obama poster, looked to Korda's Che. Fairey's Obama is not wearing a beret, and he's looking left instead of right, but his face tilts at the same angle as Che's. His jaw is set with the same willfulness and strength, and he too is gazing recognizably upward into the future (hasta la victoria siempre . . . ). Obama's eyes, though, are filled not with righteous anger but with vague and lofty hope. I have a feeling Parsnip is going to have a field day with this one.

Just want to thank all of you who made it out last night. WTF? History was made, as I cancelled my first quizzo since the Nick's Roast Beef days. Network executives are not happy about these summer ratings. And the question is being asked: Has JGT jumped the shark again?

• Quizmaster Chris vs. Big Daddy Graham. Currently one regular segment features him (Big Daddy) telling the Greater Philadelphia area what snack he's going to eat, and then we all get to hear him chew it. I swear I'm not making that up. Orson Welles is clearly not running things over there.
• Bill Clinton vs. Vanity Fair.: "[He's] sleazy," he said referring to Purdum. "He's a really dishonest reporter. And one of our guys talked to him . . . And I haven't read [the article]. But he told me there's five or six just blatant lies in there. But he's a real slimy guy," the former president said.
• Dick Cheney vs. West Virginia. (Note to West Virginia: lighten up.)
• Rick's Steaks vs. The Reading Terminal Market.

Long before this whole Alycia Lane debacle broke out, Larry Mendte took a few moments to talk to johnnygoodtimes.com readers about the false rumors his dad spread about watching TV in the dark, bananas in the fridge, and the ghosts at the General Wayne Inn. Incidentally, JGT's attempts to make Lane jealous by writing for Kerri-Lee's blog (today: I pay homage to Chuck Barris) have been entirely unsuccessful.

Casey at the Bat was published for the first time on June 3, 1888. Who wrote it?

I posted some of the World's Strangest things on the Kerri Lee blog today. I highly recommend the link to the world's strangest mating rituals.

The neuroscience of optical illusions.

Happy birthday to the Beaver, Jerry Mathers. Here's a clip from Good Morning America last year where they interviewed all of the surviving members of the cast.

Oh, and it looks like Hillary is dropping out of the race.

The man who put the rock in rock 'n' roll died today at age 79.

Who voiced Larry Burns, Mr. Burns' long lost son, on the Simpsons? (The answer is not a Larry)

The only switch hitter in MLB history to have a .300 career batting average and more than 300 home runs has the first name Larry. Who is he?

Who wrote the book Lonesome Dove?

Who played JR on Dallas?

This Larry was born at the corner of 3rd and South.

What is Daniel Lawrence Whitney's stage name?

Gonna post pics of last week's winners. Since the big news story in Philly today is about Larry Mendte, all questions will be about famous Larrys. One guess per person.