January 2008 Archives

Here's my latest in today's Metro. By the way, I am quite excited to have my photo so close to Chuck D, Professor Griff, and Flava Flav. If you just glanced at the paper real quick and then looked away, you might think I was a member of Public Enemy. Anyways, now it's your turn. What are some things that men should never say to women?

• The Blue Yak recently posted some great Top 10 lists, including top 10 prison survival tips and top 10 bizarre moustaches.
• This mixtapesbringsmiles blog is kind of fun and a good way to hear some new tunes.
• France's oldest World War I soldier died at 110. A couple of years ago he said, "War is something absurd, useless, that nothing can justify." Typical French pinko pantywaister! War rules! Pass me some freedom fries! These colors don't run!
• You may remember that I went to Scrapplefest last year. Well, I have a feeling that scrapple afficianardos cannot be pleased about the latest scrapple development: Vegan scrapple. (via Foobooz)

Signed the paperwork today. It's official. Announcement of the venue coming on Super Bowl Sunday. It's gonna be awesome.

Here's a hilarious site I recently came across, stuffwhitepeoplelike.com. It reminds me of an old favorite, blackpeopleloveus.com. And while we're at it, we might as well throw in the top 10 rap songs that white people love.

This is terrible. All we can hope is that he is the next Barry Zito. Good job, Twins. Sure you couldn't have gotten some more worthless junk in return? Pathetic. Here's the reaction in Minnesota. They are trying to stay positive: The Twins have been known to surprise us before. Who would have thought that the prospects received back in the Frank Viola trade would help push them to a World Series championship just two years later? Who could have known that the prospects brought over in the Chuck Knoblauch deal would help form the foundation for putting them back into contention after a horrible dry spell in the late '90s? Needless to say, they are euphoric in New York. And here in Philly, we are obviously miserable. The sounds of our "small splashes" never sounded so small. This is a tidalwave, causing a flood that will submerge the rest of the National League East for six or seven years. Baseball's best pitcher belongs to the Mets, set to anchor the rotation for years to come while canceling out our best hitters head-to-head. The Mets are trying to build a champion, the Phillies are trying to screw over their best player while telling us we should be excited about Pedro Feliz.

Yes, now that I have seen Godfather 2, I can admit to you that I had never seen it before. Pretty shameful. In fact, I haven't seen the first Godfather since high school, so I may have to follow up with another viewing of that soon. Anyways, Godfather 2 is considered by IMDB voters to be the 3rd best movie ever. I don't know if I'd go that far, though I did think it was a stunningly wonderful movie. Pacino brought a shrouded mood to every seen he was in, and John Cazale was terrific as Fredo. It was obvious that he was going to get whacked in the end, but it was still upsetting. The beauty of the film was that you hated just about every major character in the film at one time or another, and you sympathized with every major character at one time or another. I thought the only weakness of the film was the somewhat farfetched return to Italy to take out Don Ciccio. And I'm not sure I understood why Michael decision to go into the Marines at the end was so significant. Did I miss something? All in all, though, a wonderful film, and perhaps even my second favorite mob movie of all time. Goodfellas is still, in my mind, the best. A- PREVIOUSLY IN THE CLASSIC MOVIE PROJECT: North by Northwest.

• Our friends in Denver just had their annual Geek Bowl, and it appears to have been a rousing success. Not to brag or objectify, but I would like to note that the majority of our volunteer staff in the front lobby were HOT LESBIANS. And they were very active so technically our lobby was a cauldron of Hot Lesbian Action. Yes!!!!!!
• The City Paper talked to Ken Jennings last week.
• There is going to be the 6th annual Sports Trivia Bowl in Norman, OK, this weekend. It will be hosted by, are you ready for this, Uwe von Schaman, who I distinctly remember kicking for the Dolphins when I was a kid. Anybody know where I can find a cheap flight to Norman? I want to be with Uwe!

As you might remember I had a decent experience on Ride the Ducks last year, despite my better judgement. Well, Walt Sherman of Shut the Duck Up has had no such experience. He hates the damn ducks, and he's trying to do something about it. What's he trying to do? It's hard to tell from this video, but it looks certifiably insane.

• No sooner are we done talking about Raising Arizona than Tex Cobb is in a great piece by Phil Sheridan. Turns out that he just earned a degree from Temple. Again, a great piece. Read it if you haven't already.
• You know how things starting going downhill for Britney when she married K-Fed? Well, I seem to remember Michael Jackson started to jump the sanity shark after his hair caught on fire. Or maybe it was when he became friends with Corey Haim. Of course, if he had actually been singing, he woulda put the flames right out. Science is weird.
• Every once in a while, Philly Mag puts out a damn good issue. The current one is that issue. Restaurant rankings, an article about Larry Brown, and an article by Matthew Teague that really does a good job shining the light on the union situation in Philly. And I'm not gonna pretend like I didn't read the Alycia Lane article. Speaking of her, D-Mac is reporting that she was making out with Booker on the dance floor of the Grape Street Pub over the weekend. That's it! It's over for her and I! I will not date any woman that hangs out in Manyunk!

Just talked with the lady at the venue. I sent a proposal on Friday. She looked over it and said it looks good, but she has to make sure her business partner feels the same way. I am supposed to call back at 4 and I am hoping to have something in ink manana.

In the poem The Raven, the bird perches on a bust of what mythological Greek figure?

Dr. Sandman, recently released from upstate for crimes relating to his "medical qualifications" will be co-hosting at the Draught Horse (1431 Cecil B. Moore) tonight. We will be doing a little co-hosting thing for a little while until his parole officer says that he is allowed to be on his own. He is trying to atone for his past mistakes, and I applaud his efforts. However, I should warn you: the Good Doctor has a vicious temper, so it is best not to rouse him with tomfoolery. Hope to see some of you tonight!

The Sixers leading scorer turns 24 today. Who is he?

This host of the Singing Bee turns 31 today.

This rapper recorded the classic Paid in Full album in 1987 and turns 40 today.

This singer, whose best selling album is Surfacing, turns 40 today.

He's best known for playing the tv role of Hawkeye Pierce.

This noted absract painter was born on this date in 1912, married painter Lee Krasner, and took to numbering instead of naming his pictures so people wouldn't have any preconceived notions about them.

Gonna post a pic of last weeks winners. Gonna ask questions about people celebrating birthdays today. One guess per person!

As I stated before, I think the impossible rounds were exceptionally impossible this week, and the wild cards were no walk in the park either. Here are the questions I think were the toughest this past week, with answers after the jump:

1. What is the biggest beer drinking day in the United States?
2. What does the sun of the door of an outhouse indicate?
3. Released w/in the last 3 years, this was the most expensive film to produce ever, costing over $258 million.
4. If I were referring to waxing gibbous, what would I be talking about?
5. In the 1970s, Congressman Leo Ryan was murdered at an airstrip while investigating what?
6. What classic book begins with the line, "In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice I have been turning over in my mind ever since?
7. This 17th century British philosopher believed that all ideas come from experience and none are innate.
8. Modern historians do not believe that this philosopher wrote anything that has survived, but for over 2,000 years the 5 Classics were believed to have been written by this man.
9. When Dan Marino and Joe Montana met in the Super Bowl, it took place on this college's football field, west of the Mississippi River.
10. William Daniels provided the voice for this object from 1982-1986.

O'NEALS

1. Young Old and Restless 90
2. I Got Nothin' 87
3. Heath Ledger is Dead, WHat Now? 76
4. Too Lazy For Quizzo 68
5. Joseph Stalin 55

BARDS

1. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 104
2. Sofa Kingdom 99
3. Thanks for Taking One Hand... 83
4. Western Omelette 69

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

1. Autopsy Report: Broke Back (aka Champs) 97
2. The Memoirs of Autobiography 83
3. They've Closed the Ledger on Heath 81
4. Project Runaway 60
5. Hoop Hoop 60

BLACK SHEEP

1. Duane's Satans 100
2. Herve Villechaize 87
3. The Aussie is Down Under 86
4. Batman Killed Heath Ledger 78
5. Weapons of Ass Destruction 70

GOOD DOG

1. Ginger Puts Asses in the Seats 76
2. The Axis of Evil Knieval 72
3. Fort Awesome 65
4. Heavenly Jewish Mother 62
5. Bring Down the Buzzkills 59

BARDS

1. Western Omelette 103
2. We Don't Like Monday 90
3. Hurtin Bombs 79
4. Sofa Kingdom 79
5. Brain Hammer 77

A weird, wild week on the quizzo circuit, as you see below. No big surprises at O'Neals, but the Bards saw one of our quietest days ever, as only four teams played. Even still, the Kingdom fell to the Funktion. The Champs returned to the Vous, and pulled off an impressive come from behind victory, as the Jams finished third. No big surprises at the Black Sheep, but at the Good Dog, the Axis of Evil Knieval faded in the final round and lost to a team consisting of Steve O. and...well, nobody. Saving the weirdest for last, the Western Omelette only scored 69 points on Tuesday night at the Bards, but on Thursday they scored 55 in the last round to score a blowout victory two days after finishing last. Perennial favorites the Kingdom and the Bombs tied for a distant 3rd. 23 points is considered to be the most the Kingdom has ever lost by. One final note: I think we set a new record on team name topics, as at least 10 teams names had something to do with Heath Ledger.

The NY Times has thrown its weight behind the one Democratic candidate who can receive, maximum, 51% of the vote come November instead of the one with an unlimited ceiling. They have decided to support the one candidate who will unite a currently fractured Republican Party. And while running against Obama (anti-war from the start, charismatic) would be extremely challenging for the Republicans, the Times thinks the Dems should support the candidate (Hillary, get ready for more flip flops and icy, angry responses to questions she doesn't like) that the right wing will eat alive. Of course, if she is elected president, we will get a bunch of new ideas. Oh, never mind, we'll get one of the two trains of thought that have dominated politics for the last 25 years, the Bush's and the Clinton's. I'm sure that a duarchy is just what Washington, Jefferson, et al, were hoping for when they put the country together. This is a disgrace.

I'm heading out to the venue to see if we can finalize this thing. Hopefully, I'll be able to grab it today and have an announcement on Monday. Wish me luck. When I get back, I'll post scores and have a bit of a week in review. A very strange week. The Kingdom got blown out, The Champs returned and a one man team pulled off a win. Details coming soon. In the meantime, here's somethng to chew on: both Herschel Walker and Britney Spears have multiple personalities!

Welcome to the worst day of the year! Ready, set, be miserable! In honor of this glorious day, I would like to open up the forum to you guys. What is the most depressing song ever? "Eve of Destruction" and "Alone Again, Naturally" are up there, but my nomination is above. That being said, I kind of like how peppy the song is at the same time it is so depressing.

Finally got a call from The Man this morning. He's in for March 29th. I have a meeting with the venue tomorrow morning. Hopefully, at that time, I can finalize, and I'll be able to announce the venue by Monday. There is one little wrinkle with the venue I need to work out tomorrow, and if that is ironed out, It's On. After some early delays, I really think this is going to be the best Quizzo Bowl yet. And since we have a venue with more seating that the World Cafe Live, even more of you will get to see it. Sweet.

• Trivia Art of Foobooz fame was selected as judge for a Bobby Flay show a couple of days ago. If you'd like to hear more about it, just stand in his general vicinity for the next several days. He'll tell you all about how close he and his "good friend Bob F." are. But he won't tell you who won.
• Ginger (above, with her despised Budweiser) and I had the same New Years Resolution: Be classy. So we grabbed a drink at XIX a couple of weeks ago and today we had lunch at Amada. It was plenty classy, at least until I asked the server if I could get some more french fries. Hey, I'm still learning! Anyways, she's having a women's beer club meeting tonight at the Standad Tap at 6 p.m., and there's a rumor that she's gonna be hosting the wild card round tomorrow at the Good Dog.
• Our good friends at the Metro were featured in a cover story at Philadelphia Weekly, where fellow American Gladiator gambler D-Mac plies his wares. And the article randomly contains a sentence about Steve O. Why, this whole city is just one big happy family! Now let's all hold hands and sing "Do You Believe" by Cher!

There is much talk about Philly Live!, the entertainment venue that is being proposed down by the sports arenas. On the one hand, it would be a lot of fun to have somewhere to hang out after a Phils win (or a Sixers loss) besides McFaddens, but something tells me this place is probably going to offer me a Hard Rock and a TGI Fridays as my other options. One of my favorite things about this city is that usually for a business to survive here, it needs to have some Philly favor, and I see this thing as a homogenized corporate behemoth filled with the GAP, McDonald's, and Starbucks. Of course, I'm not the demographic they are hoping to reach, so maybe this thing will work out after all. And hey, they've done a nice job in the stadiums of promoting local spots (McNally's at CB Park, Johnny Brendas at the Linc, for instance.), so they could prove me wrong. I hope so. What are your thoughts?

The stock market crashed must have gotten people too scared to leave the house last night, cause we had our slowest night in months. Nonetheless, the match at O'Neals was determined by a coin flip and at the Bards two teams went into the final round with a perfect 64. For those playing tonight, the trend is this: the first three rounds are pretty easy, but the impossible round is damn hard.

Also, gonna start a new quizzo at Draught Horse up by Temple on Monday. I won't always be hosting it, as have hired a new man, named Doctor Sandman. More on him later this week. Anyways, the details are as follows: Monday nights at 8 p.m. at the Draught Horse (1431 Cecil B. Moore Ave.) Ifou know anybody at Temple law school, please let them know. Thanks!

Finally, just need to hear from one more member of the band and we'll be good to go for QB4. However, he's the star of the show, so I can't really do anything until I can confirm him for March 29th. Hopefully today.

Ok, first of all, when you search google images for Alycia Lane, Eric B. and Rakim come up on page 2, which is awesome because Alycia is one of my favorite women ever and Rakim is one of my favorite rappers ever. Secondly, Philly Mag wrote a short book about Lane in their upcoming edition, which you can read here, and which does not contain a single mention of me at all. Why? Simple. Because the love between Alycia and I is forbidden, and our secret would be revealed if I discussed it in some glossy mag. The only people who truly know how Alycia and I feel about each other are Alycia, myself, and you, the loyal readers of this website.

This man played Lurch in the Addams Family and did the opening narration for the Incredible Hulk.

"Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others?'" -Martin Luther King

I highly encourage you to consider honoring King's legacy by getting involved in your community, whether it is by joining Big Brothers or by joining any of the dozens of local charities that are always on the lookout for volunteers. Know you want to volunteer but not sure what for yet? Go to Philadelphia Cares.

• Spent my Saturday night lying on my couch watching the Buddy Holly Story (and you thought I didn't have an exciting life!) Anyways, great movie. Did a little research after it was over and stumbled across something pretty incredible. Peggy Sue (the inspiration for the Holly song) and Holly's wife, Maria Santiago, have never gotten along. Well, Peggy Sue recently decided to release a book in which she says that Holly was planning to divorce Santiago and marry her. Santiago is not pleased, and is suing for the book to not be released. I wish two women would get in a catfight over me 50 years after my death. That is my main wish. My 2nd wish is for a time machine.
• It was on this date in 1950 that George Orwell died. Here is his obit in the BBC. One of my favorite Orwell shorts is "Shooting an elephant". The correlation between this story and our current foreign policy is striking.
• Sex with robots is on its way. Finally! Levy, however, foresees dolls imbued with artificial intelligence to give them personality and charm. The first talking sex robots, he says, could just utter a few stock phrases. ("You're huge!") With my luck with electronics (and women), I'm sure I'd order a defective one. "Wait, before we do anything, I'd like to...beeedie, beeedie, beedie...rehash that argument we had last night. "
• Ram It! Just Ram It! Man, I hope the Patriots put out a rap song before the Super Bowl.

There is an organization at some conservative women's colleges known as NEW. What does NEW stand for?

What is the capital of New Zealand?

What are gnus also known as?

Who both appeared in New Jack City and rapped the song New Jack Hustla?

What show comes on CBS at 9:30 p.m. on Mondays?

On what show did we discover that "no gnus is good gnews"?

Since yesterdays winners are from New York and New England, all questions will be about things that are new. Place answers in comments under winners. One guess per person.

You gotta see this. Thanks, Smackdown, for sending it in. If you've got something funny to share tfor the website, please feel free to do so. Have a great weekend, everybody! Pics of winners will be up on Monday.

O'NEALS

1. Young, the Old and the Restless 90
2. Cornbread Mafia 89
3. Does the Speed Round Involve Meth? 88
4. I Got Nothin' 83
5. Dork Sided 82

BARDS

1. Sofa Kingdom 115
2. Western Omelette 107
3. Hurtin Bombs 95
4. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 92
5. Obama's Not Half Bad 86

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

1. The Jams 100
2. This Is Not a Bus 96
3. The Marcie Salad is People 84
4. Oprah's Book Club 80
5. If She Were a Tub, I'd Caulk Her 79

BLACK SHEEP

1. Duane's Satans 91
2. Fine Young Cannibals 86
3. Oops I Lost My Kids Again 81
4. Philly Hardcore 77
5. Baron Munchausen 75

GOOD DOG

1. The Axis of Evil Knieval 101
2. Fort Awesome 90
3. Grandma Ashlie 89
4. Crusaders 84
5. The double dot Fa-Chinas 80

BARDS

1. Sofa Kingdom 103
2. Space Toilet 2: Electric Boogaloo 92
3. Hurtin Bombs 88
4. Western Omelette 87
5. Brokeback Mountain 2: The TO and Romo Story 76

After a week full of upsets, the universe returned to normal this week, with the favored teams winning every single quizzo. But we did have some real tight contests, and one of the biggest shootouts in recent memory at the Bards. This is Not a Bus is the first team in a long time to consistently give the Jams fits. Hopefully next week will bring some more surprises. One surprise we had this week was the guy above, the loudest, most obnoxious player we've probably ever had to deal with. In the opening rounds, every time his team got one right, he would holler out, "Yeah M***** F******!!!" at the top of his lungs. Fortunately, as the game progressed and his team slipped further and further behind, the yells came at longer intervals.

I guess most of you have heard by now that Philly is hosting it's beer week on March 7-March 16. Ginger will be by as we get closer with more details. There is talk of a quizzo event as part of it. I will keep you updated. But in the meantime, I just thought you might want to check out the specifics. I would link you to the write up by Joe Sixpack on today's Philly.com, but I try to avoid linking to things that have little images that pop up in front of the words trying to sell you stuff. It drives me crazy. However, here's a nice little quote about beer from Cliff Clavin: "Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

It's currently on the TV. I had forgotten how many classic lines were in this movie:

Me and Dot went in to adopt on account a' somethin' went wrong with my semen, and they said we had to wait five years for a healthy white baby. I said, "Healthy white baby? Five years? What else you got?" Said they got two Koreans and a negra born with his heart on the outside.

Ed McDonnough: You mean you busted out of jail.
Evelle: No, ma'am. We released ourselves on our own recognizance.
Gale: What my brother here means to say is that we felt that the institution no longer had anything to offer us.

Evelle: These blow up into funny shapes and all?
Grocer: Well no... unless round is funny.

Cellmate: ...and when there was no meat, we ate fowl and when there was no fowl, we ate crawdad and when there was no crawdad to be found, we ate sand.
H.I.: You ate what?
Cellmate: We ate sand.

This week, the wild card round was annoying songs (i've posted it below in written form). Now it's your turn. What are the most annoying songs ever, the ones that get in your head and won't get out? Post below.

1. Before becoming a one hit wonder in 2000, this artist was a member of the group Dru Hill.

2. Who originally recorded the song Macarena?

3. Who had a hit with the song Barbie Girl?

4. Who had a hit with the song Mambo Number 5?

5. Who let the Dogs Out?

6. Who had a hit with the song, It's Raining Men?

7. What rapper recorded quite possibly the worst rap ever, Get Low?

8. Who had a hit with the song, What if God Was One of Us?

9. What song included the lines:
So I'm ready to attack, gonna lead the pack
Gonna get a touchdown, gonna take you out
That's right, put your pom-poms down, getting everybody fired up

10. Who sang the annoying yet awesome song, Mr. Roboto?

Here it is, a few things you might not know about the current presidential candidates.

Been getting a lot of questions lately about QB4, and rightfully so. Usually, this is around the time of year that we do it. Well, due to a number of factors (a harder time than expected working something out with World Cafe Live, spring breaks, beer festivals, weddings, etc.), we have had to push it back this year. But no big whoop. I have a date tentatively set (March 29th), but I need to make sure I can get the band here on that date. Once they give me the OK (hopefull by the start of next week), I think I can sign the paperwork and we can start moving forward. As I said before, I think I have the venue I want, and it is a freaking awesome venue, but I want to have it in writing before I go off blabbing about it too much. Just trust me, it's going to be off the chain. Thanks for your patience. -Mgmt.

Hey morons. Happy Freakin' New Year. Hope you didn't spend your New Year acting like a steakhead in an effort to show off to 21 year old girls. Because that would be pathetic, especially for a person in their 30s. But enough holiday greetings. Let's get down to business. First of all, sorry it's been so long. Truth is, I been upstate. Yeah, a year or so ago I punched some dyke cop in the mouth for getting lippy with me. Note to Alycia: do not eat the macaroni in the pen. Just trust me on that one, sweetheart. Alright, here goes:

There are some people for whom simply driving a Ford F-150 King cab truck or a Hummer aren't quite enough to show off how much of an idiot toolbag moron they are. Nope, these people need to hang rubber testicles from the truck to ensure that a) everyone knows that they are very manly and b) to ensure that they never have a date with a woman with more than 3 teeth. Well, a lawmaker in Virginia has had enough to balls to call for an end to this idiocy. In all honesty, if they gave the electric chair to every person who had a pair of these of these on their truck, I would be all in favor of it.

You know how Hillary's shrieking about how she has tons of experience, and how Obama has almost none? Which would be a great selling point, except for the fact that she has almost no experience. But she does have a Flowbee, and it's working wonders with her hair.

Unlike Goodtimes, I have always loved Columbus Day. See, I am a big fan of slave trading mass murderers. I am also a big fan of syphilis. And I hate Europe. So needless to say, I was extremely pleased when this story came out.

Am I the only one who would love to see Pacman Jones and Britney Spears start dating?

Leave Tony Romo alone! How dare any of you out there to make fun of Tony after all he's been through! He lost the snap in Seattle, he choked against the Giants, he lost Carrie Underwood. He's a human! He's my quarterback! But all you people care about is yourselves. LEAVE HIM ALONE! You're lucky he even played for you BASTARDS! LEAVE TONY ALONE! Pleeeease. That's my teammate! That's my quarterback.

Hey Tom Cruise. Thank you for saving my life following that car crash. As I laid there, on the verge of death, I thought to myself, "If only Tom Cruise were here, he's the only one who can save me." I wish that Onstar would stop dialing 911 when you get in a crash and just start dialing Tom Cruise. Then we'd never lose anyone in a crash.

My name is Bobby Badtimes. Beware my Wrath!

Those of you who have followed this site for a short while know about my high school buddy Willie Gee. He's the guy who has been fired from over 25 jobs (if you have never read this, it is required reading!), and he's a huge fan of Michael Vick. Well, I interviewed him over my Christmas break, and here is the first part of that interview (later, he will discuss his work history in further detail). A short, 3 minute piece where he discusses drinking his own urine while in high school...and having no regrets about it.

We're getting ready to start our YMCA basketball league back up and I need volunteer coaches. If you are available on Thursdays and Fridays from 5-7 p.m. and are willing to coach kids 9-12 years old, please let me know. Thanks!

In 1975, Sara Jane Moore became the second woman in less than three weeks to try to kill Gerald Ford. She was prevented from doing so when a man named Oliver Sipple knocked the gun away. His story is a fairly interesting (and tragic) one, as the publicity stemming from the event essentially ruined his life. Meanwhile, Sara Jane Moore was released from prison a couple of weeks ago (apparently by activist judges).

21 people were killed by what kind of disaster in Boston on January 15th, 1919?

At the Black Sheep this past Wednesday, a new record was set for the lowest score ever. The previous record 9, had been set a couple of years ago at the Bards, and seemed unbreakable. But all records are made to be broken, and on Wednesday night the young ladies above, Creme de Menthe (with their last place prize, a Neil Sedaka record), were more than up to the task. They got 0 in the first round, got two right in round two, then missed the final 25 questions to finish with a 4. Congratulations, ladies!

If you were one of the few people that had yet to make up their mind about Hillary C., then be sure to watch yesterday's Meet the Press. By the time it is over, you are going to freaking hate her. She is just an angry, miserable woman. If the Republicans are smart enough to nominate McCain (which I'm quite sure they won't be), and the Democrats are dumb enough to nominate Hillary (and I'm confident they are), then I will probably vote for him over Clinton. When she loses that election, maybe she and TO can go to a coffee shop and cry their little heads off.

• Just went and checked out a great venue on the Quizzo Bowl front. In fact, I think I can even throw out the term "cautiously optimistic" that we will have a deal lined up soon.
• This could only happen on the Love Connection.
(Updated! Now Working!)
• Ginger and I have decided that our 2008 resolution is to be classy. In an effort to prove it, we had a drink at both Rae and XIX on friday. Very classy, even though when I told the waitress that "I'd have whatever the happy hour special is" probably wasn't real classy. But hey, it's early. I'm still learning.
• Happy birthday Benedict Arnold!
• The Patriots are favored by 14 points over the Chargers. Do you think the Patriots will cover?

Who starred as Hilary Swank's girlfriend in the movie, Boys Don't Cry?

What is the medical or literary term for crying that begins with the letter "L"?

Who sang the following lyrics: Everybody knows where you go when the sun goes down. I think you only live to see the lights of town. I wasted my time when I would try, try, try. When the lights have lost their glow, you're gonna cry, cry, cry.

One of the greatest breakup songs of all time is "Crying", originally relased by what artist in 1961?

This popular actor played Jody in the Crying Game.

My brother in law's brother is actually a member of this band from Atlanta, GA, whose songs run the gamut from heavy metal to country ballads.

This weeks topic is "Crying", in honor of our good friend TO. Post an answer under the pic. One guess per person.

Later in the interview, TO said, “I always had a good relationship with my quarterbacks." That's not a joke. He actually said that. It reminds me of the time that Hitler said, "I've always had a good relationship with dwarves and gypsies."

O'NEALS

1. Young, the Old and the Restless 107
2. History's Greatest Monster 99
3. Dork Sided 76
4. I Got Nothin' 74
5. Cornbread Mafia 67

BARDS

1. Gang Bang Mechanics 104
2. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 103
3. Hurtin Bombs 102
4. Sofa Kingdom 97
5. But Why is the Rum Gone 94

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

1. Anchors Away! (aka the Jams) 110
2. River of Rocks 102
3. 1022 101
4. Ms. Thangs 97
5. Snuffaluphagus Mindf*** 92

BLACK SHEEP

1. A Map of Hawaii 102
2. Duane's World 99
3. Weapons of Ass Destruction 97
4. Naptown Hustlers 95
5. Baron Munchausen 94

GOOD DOG

1. Fort Awesome 79
2. No Talent Ass Clowns 71
3. L. Ron Hubbard's Diabetics 70
4. Sarcastics 68
5. My Girlfriend Can't Wrestle 68

BARDS

1. Sofa Kingdom 104
2. Hurtin Bombs 95
3. Ginger Kids 77
4. Nigel Tufnel's Clam Caravan 76
5. Gay Divorcees 69

Philebrity seems to think so. The controversy stems from the fact that (as noted in an excellent City Paper cover story) Space 1026, a hip artsy commune, decided to put together a Mummers troupe this year. Excellent, fun idea, right? Most people thought so. But local hipster king Joey Sweeney was a little disappointed that hip youngsters were joining in what he sees as a racist, homophobic black eye on the city. Then after a number of people stood up for the 1026 kids and the Parade in general, he went back out and really decided to rail against the Mummers Parade. This is where it gets fun: Lord forgive us, but it’s always been plain as day to us that the culture of Mummery is just another one of those places where Philly’s ugly ghosts hang out. After all, a parade that began in blackface can only ever get so far from its roots. (Don’t believe that people haven’t forgotten this? Go ask some black people what they think of the Mummers Parade — a black troupe has not marched since 1929.

For JGT's take on the matter, click below (Warning. This is the part where Johnny gets self righteous.)

Here's the wild card round from last night's quizzo. I tell you the burger, you tell me where it came from. All of these are chains and more or less all are fast food. Answers after the jump.

1. Slyders
2. Bacon Cheeseburger Toaster
3. Big Buford
4. Monster Thickburger
5. Sourdough Jack
6. Big N' Tasty with Cheese
7. The Stacker
8. Route 66
9. Stack Attack
10. Double Double

• Steve O. is featured in today's Metro. This guy gets more press than Britney. He's also a lot of fun to see in concert. Tonight at 5:30 p.m. at Cascamorto's.
• Stumbled across this yesterday. Heil Honey, I'm Home. It was a show made in England in 1990 and that lasted a total of one episode. The premise: Hitler and Eva Braun are a happy suburban couple whose world is turned upside down when the Goldensteins move next door. Hilarity ensues! Here's some video of the show. I watched like 3 minutes. It is awful.
• Albert Hoffman, the man who invented LSD, turns 102 today (yes, he's still living). And they say drugs are bad for you!

Earlier this week, I talked about the meltdown one of the contestants had at the end of American Gladiators. Well, I uploaded it to youtube. A few things to look for: First of all Toya (in the red) must have landed on her face like 10 times over the course of this event. I showed a couple of them at the start. Then, she just keeps falling over and over on the treadmill, as the woman in blue gets closer. Finally, she employs the worst strategy I've ever seen employed in an athletic endeavor: she just lies there, unmoving, and apparently hopes that this is all a bad dream. Finally she gets up and falls on her face again. By now she has been passed, and mercifully, the treadmill gets turned off so she can finish without another faceplant. To no avail, b/c when she breaks thru the wall at the very end, she apparently doesn't realize there is a 10 foot dropoff, so she tumbles face first and doesn't even brace her fall, landing directly on her face yet again.

I don't know what it is about the holidays and me almost fighting steakheads, but it happened again on New Years Eve. The scenario: I'm at a party in the Art Museum area on the first floor, which has a small outdoor area, one just big enough for a beer pong table. Most of the people at said party are in their late 20s, early 30s. There is also a party going on on the third floor, where most of the partyers are hovering around 21 years old. Well, the upstairs had an ice luge (a block of ice that you can pour shots of liquor down) on their outdoors deck, so some of the first floor revelers made a dash upstairs and began drinking from this luge. Apparently the youngsters weren't so keen on this behavior. But they seemed pretty friendly overall, and the two sides seemed to get along fine. Then, at around 3 a.m., a young lady and myself were playing another mixed duo at beer pong. Suddenly something dropped from the heavens and went splat on the beer pong table. I looked ahead. It was a jello shot dropped from the third floor balcony. No big deal. We continued to play, but about thirty seconds later a loud crash on the table. Some idiot had thrown a beer bottle. I looked ahead at my male opponent, who we'll call Nitro, and said, "Let's roll." We dashed up the stairs and blasted into the party completely agged out (and, I must admit, a little bit out of breath. I drank a lot of eggnog over the holidays). "What the f***!!!!!" we screamed in unison.

Here's the latest in the Metro, where I posted a few of my least favorite commercials. Now it's your turn. What commercials infuriate you? Please post below.

In answer to the Round Four question, "What group, supported by Allen Ginsberg, advocates legalized sexual relationships between adult males and underaged boys?" one contestant at the Bards shouted out, "The Catholic Church." (The correct answer was NAMBLA.)

This is going to make your day.

• Bad news for Ron Paul. First he bombs in New Hampshire, then we find out that he used to put out a racist newsletter in which he endorsed David Duke. I am hoping that by posting this I will get 125 angry commenters in the comments section below.
• Perhaps the greatest line in a news story ever: "He understands that in a civilized society a person cannot send a severed cow's head to anybody." What kind of nation have we become when we can't strike back at an ex or a cheating wife with a severed cow's head? (Courtesy of PhiladelphiaWillDo.)
• Dennis Kucinich got kept out of the debate on Saturday night, despite having just as good a chance to win as Bill Richardson. Why? Perhaps because ABC was hosting the debate, and Kucininch is the only candidate who has not received money from Disney, ABC's parent company. Donspiracist, where are you?
• McNabb says that the Eagles need playmakers. I disagree. Hank Baskett is waaaaay better than Chad Johnson, it's just a different system.

JGT had his official political correspondent, Chip Chantry, head north to report back on the New Hamsphire primaries. Here is his exclusive report.

For my first column of 2008, I headed north to the the Buckeye State, New Hampshire. And I did it the way the first settlers first did: In a Nissan Sentra full of prescription painkillers, Ramen Noodles, and a little thing called "Patriotism".
Digging deep into the history of the New Hampshire Primary, I unearthed these 12 vital pieces of Election Day information. Enjoy.

1. New Hampshire is the first Primary Election in the nation. New Hampshire law stipulates this, thus the date is repeatedly pushed up each year. Subsequently, the New Hampshire Primary for the 2012 election will be a week from this Thursday.

2. Anyone uttering the word "caucus" in public during the first two weeks of January in New Hampshire is subject to four hours in the stocks at the center of Concord.

3. During the 2004 New Hampshire Primaries, not a single person in the state voted. Many believe the complete lack of voter turnout was due to the fact that the USA Network aired a 24-hour marathon of the hit show Monk that day.

4. If you have an arm or a leg in a cast, you are not permitted to vote in the New Hampshire Primary.

5. At the Laconia, NH polling precinct, legally there must be a sign hanging that clearly reads: "MASTURBATION IN THE VOTING BOOTH IS STRICTLY PROHIBITED. WE'RE LOOKING AT YOU, BURT HARTIGAN."

6. Since 1980, on Primary night, after the winners have been announced, one candidate from each party is awarded the "Spiro Agnew Copper Medal for Spunk" award. Historically, every single recipient drops dead exactly 48 hours after receiving the award. Experts are unsure as to why this occurs, or why on God's green earth people are still giving and receiving the "Spiro Agnew Copper Medal for Spunk".

7. Since the 1996 Primary, the 90's band 4-Non Blondes have had a standing gig every Tuesday night at the Blue Hill Tavern in Claremont, NH. And they're still playing that f**king song.

8. Seventy-two percent of New Hampshire's population is Christian. However, not one person from the other 28% has ever voted. When asked why the other denominations do not come out on Primary Day, one Portsmouth police officer answered, "...because they're all home sittin' shiva if they know what's good for 'em!" He then winked at me and fed his dog a quart of gravy.

9. For this year's Primary night, Josh Crawford's parents are out of town. His older brother, Doug, came down from Augusta and bought him a keg. So there's going to be a rager at his place tonight. And guess what-Madison-yes, hot Madison from your Chemistry Lab- she's going to be there, and I heard she's into you. You are getting so laid tonight, dude!

10. Mitt Romney would have pushed through and won this year's primary if he was only allowed to have Caffeine. Damn you, Brigham Young!

11. Whether it's in a loveless marriage, or a Vietnamese POW camp, New Hampshire likes their candidates trapped. Congratulations to Hillary Clinton and John McCain.

12. And congratulations to Bill Richardson for receiving the "Spiro Agnew Copper Medal for Spunk" award. May the LORD have mercy on your soul.
RELATED: More Chip Chantry.

First the holidays, then jury duty. I haven't really had much time for the website. I know that this has been frustrating for my millions of four fans. Well, I think I'm back. Today, gonna try to tell you about my court experience and possibly about my near fight on New Years.Also, gonna try to meet with the Armory again. They are the front runners for QB4. Need to talk to the band today as well, and see if we can settle on a date. (Looking at mid-March. March 8th is out.)

My time in the jury box is now over. It was an interesting experience, and I will have a short write up about the process manana. For now, I am running late on doing my questions, so I hope to see you tonight, as we return to action at O'Neals for the first time in 3 weeks. O'Neals (3rd and South) 8 p.m.

Bards (20th and Walnut) 10 p.m.

In Seasons three and four of the original American Gladiators, there was a Pro Football Challenge of Champions. This former Heisman Trophy winner won both times.

Don't know how long I'll be. At least until late afternoon, I suspect. So check back then for the question of the week.

Wow, another year, another amazing National Championship game! Boy, I can't wait until Ohio State beats up on a pathetic Big Ten (3-5 in bowls this year) again next year and then gets crushed by another SEC team in the championship game for the 3rd straight year. Won't that be awesome? Oh well, as long as USC and LSU don't settle this on the field, but in a computer (the same computer that thought that Ohio State was #1 in the country going into last nights game), I'm happy. Because that's what sports should be all about: determining a champion via computers and voters, not on the field of play. Thank you BCS!

What is the name of the final event, the obstacle course?

Al Kaplon is the referee of the current Gladiators. What ridiculous 2004 comedy did he play a referee in?

What former NFL quarterback (and terrible announcer) announced the original American Gladiators for one season?

Gonna post pics of last weeks winners, followed by a question about American Gladiators. Pretty interesting week, three first time winners and a loss for the Kingdom. I cannot post the Vous winner yet because I used a friends camera for that photo and said friend can't currently find his or her camera. I am fairly confident that this person will locate this camera in the near future, and I will post the Vous winner at that time.

Back to the courthouse today to (possibly) wrap up the case and begin the deliberations. Be back later in the afternoon. In the meantime, check out the year in review. Will post photos of last weeks winners later this evening. (Btw, this Nutter inauguration speech is pretty awesome.)

American Gladiators debuted last night, and as excited as I was about it going in, it exceeded even my high expectations. Had a few folks over at the house, and we each bet a dollar on every event. I highly suggest this. It only added to the already frenzied atmosphere. The Hulkster was wonderfully terrible as a host ("Well, have a good run Bonnie. Where are your family members at?"), but Laila Ali brought nothing to the event. They really need to bring back Larry Csonka. The Gladiators were OK, but not as aggro and cocky as they were the first time, which is unfortunate. I like Wolf, and the Hawaiian guy was pretty intimidating, but there were no Malibus in the bunch. Still, the action was riveting, and the Pyramid event, where the Gladiators would throw the contestants like 35 feet down a pyramid, was remarkable and incredibly hilarious. I'm gonna try to upload video from the women's eliminator, which may have been the hardest I have ever laughed in my life. This was quite possibly the best night I've ever had watching television.

RELATED: Play Gladiators online (The Hit and Run game is the best.)

• JGT attends Punkin Chunkin (above).


• JGT releases his first rap song, accomplishing one of his New Years Resolutions for 2007.


• Speaking of rap, November saw the debut of the "Old, Dirty, or Bastard Round".


• After winning the Jeopardy Tournament of Champions, occasional quizzo player Celeste DiNucci gives JGT an exclusive interview in which she compares Jeopardy to quizzo and coins the term "Jeo-party".


• The now legendary "4:20, the Deadliest Time of the Day" report on NBC.


• Philadelphia Weekly calls the Sofa Kingdom "the greatest team in quizzo history".


• JGT Political correspondent Chip Chantry interviews Dennis Kucinich.


• Philadelphia, named America's dumbest city in a Travel and Leisure poll earlier in the year, wins the second straight City vs. City Smackdown, again in a blowout. Seattle, which was voted America's smartest city, loses to Philly by ten points. Here are some questions from the event.

• The Great Mr. Peanut Controversy, as Sofa Kingdom loses in overtime after answering that Mr. Peanut has black loafers.
• We discuss what's over and underrated in Philadelphia after JGT controversially calls "cheesesteaks" overrated in his Metro column. Johnny also got some negative feedback from Liberty Bell fans after calling it overrated, including a letter from the Park Service and from his grandmom.
• Phils Win! Phils Win! One of the top 5 days of my life.
• JGT accidentally calls Hitler benevolent in column, gets called stupid about 3 or 4 times in one letter to the editor.
• JGT loses bet, has to wear woman's nightie in front of Geno's, holding up "Los Rockies Son Muy Bueno" sign.
• Rock Paper Scissors World Championships in Toronto. JGT and D-Mac both lose in the first round.
• Chip Chantry and JGT release their first film, Math on Demand.
• JGT almost gets beaten up by some punks at a Halloween party.

LOCUST RENDEZVOUS

1. This is Not a Bus 112
2. People:The San Francisco Treat (aka the Jams) 99
3. Les Quizerables 97
4. Struttin' Your Mummer 91
5. 1022 82

BLACK SHEEP

1. Herve Villechaize 101
2. Cracked Eggheads 89
3. Serenity Now 87
4. Darsh 86
5. Always Bet on Black 85

GOOD DOG

1. The Lawn Wranglers 79
2. I'lll Have the Soup and the Quiche 78
3. The Beagles 70
4. 3 1/2 Jews 69
5. Devin Does Dallas 61

BARDS

1. Chuck Norris is a Viable Running Mate 106
2. Sofa Kingdom 95
3. Chin Omelette 93
4. My Mom Made Me an Ugly Quilt 88
5. I Caucus WIth My Pants Around My Ankles 85

Can't tell you about the case, of course, but I (think I) can tell you that only in a jury selection room in Philadelphia do they serve soft pretzels as a breakfast food. Awesome. Here's a few things to check out while I'm performing my civic duties.

• The "Take Anything You Want" girls are back at it, this time with a trip to the doctor.
• What do you do if you're having a hard time convincing your girlfriend that you have any friends? You hire a friend on craigslist.
• Palestra Jon, while on vacation in California, gets interviewed on the TV and is pretty much the only person in this FOX news story that isn't a complete moron.
• You ever thought that it was about time that the highlights of Irwin Allen films were set to a bad heavy metal song? Well this is your lucky day.
• Thanks to Jam Master Sean, Steve-O, and Hunter for sending this stuff in. If you've got something ridiculous to share (or would like to take me out to a really nice restaurant**), shoot me a line.

**or even a bad restaurant.

This week I share with you my New Years Resolutions.

• JGT becomes an uncle for the first time.
• The male prostitute who outed Ted Haggard hosts a round of quizzo in Denver. And it is the most disgusting questions ever asked at a quizzo. Ever.
• Goodtimes gives up on the Phillies in late July. Also, the Phils lose their 10,000th game.
• Name that Coke Whore round debuts.
• Things with the ladies didn't go so well over the summer months. Legendary poet Jon Keats fails to get me a phone number. Then, I went on a Boggle date, got blown out, and never talked to the girl again.
• Quizzo gets snubbed in the "Best of Philly" awards, as Philly Mag calls quizzo trite.
• JGT goes after popped collars.
• Quizzo loses a legend as member of the Champs, Rob, passes away.
• We learned about Custer's Revenge, the Atari game in which Custer avoids arrows to get it on with a native woman.

Alright, halfway thru the Year in Review. Gotta take a break and start working on questions for tonight. Hope to finish up YIR manana, but I have jury duty first thing in the morning, so it all depends on what happens there. This should be enough to tide you over for a day or so anyway. See ya tonight at quizzo!
Locust Rendezvous 6:15 p.m.
Black Sheep 8 p.m.

• Philly wins first City vs. City Smackdown.
• "Spare Me My Life" quite possibly the most amazing thing I watched in 2007.
• Crazy man warns us against attending the Businessperson's Special.
• Kildare's named Philly's Best Quizzo by Philly Style Magazine (Incidentally, Starbucks wins Philly's Best Coffee for the 2nd year in a row.)
• Riding the Ducks is...kool?

• Johnny, bravely taking a working vacation in Hawaii, interviews Charlie, the owner of a junk shop near Captain Cook.
• Philly Mag article contains phrase, "It's just like Rocky, where the good guys win the end." Except that Rocky lost in the end.
• The Rasslin' Round.
• Goodtimes gives up on the Phillies by April 5th.
• The Name that Baldwin Round.
• Scrapplefest.
• Goodtimes goes to the Liberty Bell for the first time ever.

• Steve O. hangs with Fabio.
• We discuss what the best and the worst cities are in America.
• Sofa Kingdom wins a sold out Quizzo Bowl 3. Goodtimes performs Flashdance at halftime.

Here it is, a recap of the past 12 months. What ridiculousness did we enjoy together in 2007? Read on to find out.

This massacre, which occurred on January 2, 1791, had one of the greatest names for a massacre ever.

Alright, it's been a slow ten days on the site but now we're back and badder than ever. While at home, I recorded an interview with Willie Gee in which he discusses the Michael Vick situation, who he's rooting for in the presidential race, and about what outrageous stunt he pulled off to avoid suspension in high school. Also have a pretty funny New Years Eve story. I'll start posting some of that stuff soon. Also, think I've made some headway in Quizzo Bowl preperations over the break. Gonna contact the venue today about Saturday, March 15th. I've got two bands and sound and lighting lined up, and I might even have the food situation lined up as well. Gotta write my Metro column, but then I'll be back in full force. In the meantime, nobody has answered the questions under the pics of Christmas Ape and Duane's World. Get on it.