December 2007 Archives

DSC_0025_002.jpg Happy New Year Everyone! Catch ya on the flip side! (Here's some more pics from the X-Mas party I went to on the Shore if you wanna check 'em out. Just go to the bottom right of the page and click on the one I'm in.)
gone-fishin.jpg Getting ready to go out in a sailboat and do a little rock fishing. If I catch anything, you can count on seeing pictures of it and hearing about it throughout the upcoming year. If you're bored today, find out which president looked like Larry Fine on D-Mac's site or check out the start of Trivia Art's year in review on Foobooz (he's up to February), or read about the lovely Ginger's new Wii. Wow, pretty much all my friends have blogs. That must mean I'm kool.
12-22-2007 005.jpg Remember that bridge known as Galloping Gertie? Well, a parallel bridge opened in 2007. In what state will you find this bridge?
12-22-2007 004.jpg The final Harry Potter book was released in 2007. What was it called?
12-22-2007 003.jpg What was the name of the album Britney Spears released in 2007?
2313377116.jpg These two authors, born within 3 months of each other in the early 1920s, died within 7 months of each other in 2007.
12-22-2007 002.jpg What was the top grossing movie in the United States in 2007?
12-22-2007 001.jpg What two teams played in the 2007 NBA Finals?

Alright, gonna post pics of last weeks winners on the site. Questions will all have to do with 2007-the year in review. One guess per person total.

11_150.gif Just for fun, tell me: What president had this sweet mullet?

Yes, there is quizzo for the rest of the week. Mike Minion did a nice job coming up with questions and made my holiday a lot smoother. Here's the schedule:
Wednesday (Hosted by Mike Minion)
Locust Rendezvous 6:15 p.m.
Black Sheep 8:00 p.m.

Thursday (hosted by Jam Master Sean)
Good Dog 8 p.m.
Bards 10:15 p.m.

lombardo.jpg What performer more or less made "Auld Lang Syne" the official new years song when he performed it on CBS each year from 1956-1976 from the Waldorf Astoria in New York?
conspiracy.jpg We live in a society deep in denial ruled by a government that likes secrets. The elite who control our world love to supress information, especially if it involves messages of hope, love and peace. Their reach knows no bounds-religion, family, school and even Santa Claus. There is no limit to the depths they will stoop to in their smear campaigns. For instance, look at this attack ad recently posted on YouTube. It portrays Santa as an international outlaw, a drunken, perverted ex con who preys on children. The poster of the message is a supporter of Frosty the Snowman. We all know how the Illuminati loves their symbols. Frosty is just another disguise, a symbol of potent power, a face to a sinister force.

This slander has to stop. Those who bother to do some investigating know that he very much does exist. The common mainstream portrayal of him as a myth and a cute legend for children is designed to obfuscate the facts-that the real Santa poses a power and an influence that the ruling elite find inconvenient. Just as they are ignored Ron Paul, they are doing the same with Father Christmas.

Here it is, from me to you. Starring me, the lovely Ginger, Trivia Art, Nate from Sofa Kingdom (as cab driver), Palestra Jon and a very special guest star as Clarence. Enjoy, and I have something else special for you coming on Christmas Eve.

pottersville_470.jpg Hey gang, I hope you can check back on Christmas Eve, when I will have a very special Donspiracist and a very special Christmas Card for you all. And do me a favor over the holidays: Watch "It's a Wonderful Life" if you haven't already. I was surprised to find out this week how many of you have never seen this film. I kicked against watching it for years, but when I finally gave in I discovered it was one of my favorite movies of all time. It takes place at Christmas, but it is hardly a Christmas movie, and I envy those of you who haven't seen it because you're gonna get the thrill of watching it for the first time. Trust me on this one, you're gonna love it, whether you celebrate Christmas or not. RELATED: A terrific Slate column a few years back which raises the point that Pottersville was a hell of a lot more fun than Bedford Falls.
l_485e41c84ce0ba708a2f964506d6f4f8.jpg O'NEALS
  1. Altar Boys 95
  2. 8 Maids a MIlkin' 87
  3. Guiness Snout 85
  4. Cornbread Mafia 85
  5. Young Old and Restless 80
BARDS
  1. The Hurtin Bombs 112
  2. Sofa Kingdom 92
  3. Western Omelette 91
  4. Alycia Lane is a Prostitute 75
  5. Prince Papa of Peace 72
LOCUST RENDEZVOUS
  1. Zooey 101 Flunked Sex Ed 101 (aka Jams) 95
  2. Bzzz Beep Boop Bop 94
  3. 1022 84
  4. Crazy NOS 81
  5. Leather Cheerios 66
BLACK SHEEP
  1. Duane's World 111
  2. Santa's MInions 107
  3. What's With the Crowd 101
  4. 3:21 101
  5. Zoey 102: Sex Ed For Blondes 89
  6. But My Mom Says I'm Cool 89
GOOD DOG
  1. L. Ron Hubbard's Diabetics 95
  2. MAGMA 94
  3. Ask Google 77
  4. If God Gives You Lemons, Get a New God 67
  5. Papy Chulo 62
BARDS
  1. Christmas Ape Goes to Summer Camp 90
  2. Third Times the Charm 87
  3. Sand From the Beach 79
  4. 4 Heebs & a Clueless Catholic 72
  5. Black Eyed Dyke Cops 65
12-22-2007.jpg An impressive win for Earing (and a somewhat surprising win, considering that they don't know how to spell earring) at the MyFoxPhilly holiday party. The scores were fairly high (well, except for Bizarre's score), considering that the game only went three rounds. Here were the scores:
  1. EARING 74
  2. JAG'S 67
  3. HOLIDAY CHEERS 63
  4. TEAM AWESOME YES! 60
  5. CHICKS R US 57
  6. MINUS ONE 55
  7. THE SALESPEOPLE 45
  8. BIZARRE 37

If you want to liven up a company party with the best quizzo in the city, please feel free to contact me. Why hire Johnny? Click here to find out.

12-22-2007 011.jpg Johnny Goodtimes did not do a duo of "Last Christmas" with Ock at Bonner's last night. That being said, heres a funny story to pass along: Renee from the Hurtin Bombs was there, and I asked him to take some pictures. So he sat down next to a table full of girls to take the pictures. I'll let the dialogue between him and one of the girls begin there:
  • GIRL: Is that Johnny Goodtimes?
  • RENEE: Yes, it is.
  • GIRL: Wow, his singing reminds me of his quizzo.
  • RENEE: Oh yeah, how's that?
  • GIRL: It sucks.
Then, this girl hopped up on stage and sang the last verse of whatever song we were doing that certainly wasn't Last Christmas. Picture of her singing after the jump.


Billy Squier could flat out rock. I mean, even this song on its own is a pretty good one. And his beats were so funky that rappers still sample him regularly. (This is where Jay Z got the beat for 99 Problems.) His previous two albums had sold over 3 million copies each. He was destined for superstardom. And then somebody said, "Hey Billy, whattya think about doing a video with you humping the floor in a pink tank top?" and Billy said, "Let's do it!" and then, BOOM, it was over. He never sold over 300,000 copies of an album again. This video is, in a seriousness, the equivalent of 50 Cent doing a video in a pink tank top on silk sheets. Can anybody think of a worse career move ever than this video...or can anyone think of a worse music video?

The Sofa Kingdom and Hurtin Bombs are both taking the night off, so tonight is your chance to win at the Bards. Holiday quizzo kicks off at the Good Dog at 8 p.m. and the Bards at 10:15 p.m.

DSCN1255.jpg There are rumors going around that Santa rapped at last night's party at Johnny Brenda's, but those rumors are completely false. Santa is very busy this time of year, and he certainly doesn't have time for rapping. Rumor that it was a fun party are true, however, and kudos to the lovely Ginger for putting together a great party and raising money for Parkinson's Disease. (Another Santa photo after the jump.)
jamie-spears.jpg ...what a wonderful way to show me that you love me." What convinced Jamie Lynn Spears' mom to tell the tabloids about her pregancy? Simple. A cool one million dollars. I hope Lynn Spears names one of the baby's teddy bears Mohammed, and the Saudis get mad and kidnap her and lop her head off in the town square. Oh, and her book on parenting got canned. Apparently the publishers realized that a Lynn Spears book on parenting would be like an Alycia Lane book on the importance of making good decisions.

Another interesting thing about this situation: A few months ago, the National Inquirer reported that she was pregnant. Her lawyers fired off a letter to them which read in part: "Ms. Spears is a devout Christian with a spotless reputation, who lives in accordance with the highest moral and ethical standards in accordance with her faith." Is it just me, or everytime that someone calls themselves a "devout Christian with a spotless reputation", they eventually end up buying smack from a male prostitute or getting pregnant at age 16?

FbEPO45m.jpg Look out, National League! There is one team that is going to be not quite as good as it was last year, but will still win at least 80 games! That's right, the Philadelphia Phillies, firm believers in tradition, have decided to pick up a few more pieces of rusty metal off the scrap heap. What looks like JD Durbin, sounds like JD Durbin, and puts about as much fear into opposing hitters as JD Durbin? That would be his brother, Chad Durbin, who is now a Philadelphia Phillie. Dontrelle Willis? Puh-leez. Johan Santana? Whatever. We've got Chad Durbin. That's why this is one of the most storied franchises in all of sports, because they always are doing whatever it takes to build a champion. Speaking of building a champion, we have a new centerfielder to replace Rowand! Geoff Jenkins. He's older than Rowand, and not as good as Rowand, but that's OK, because he's cheaper than Rowand, and that's what this franchise is all about. Keeping it cheap. 4th largest market in baseball. 15th highest payroll. Jenkins actually isn't that bad, though. He does give you a little pop in the outfield (21 HRs last year), but his BA was only .255. But he's definitely not as good as Rowand.
santasslay.gif Well, the left wing media and the activist judges are at it again, trying to ruin Christmas. It looks like now they're trying to kill Santa Claus. Oh sure, the report says that it was drug runners, but we all know better.

But on a (mildly) more serious note, this Bill O'Reilly "War on Christmas" thing is one of the more idiotic ideas his feeble mind has ever come up with. "Merry Christmas" wasn't even a common phrase until Dickens released a Christmas Carol in 1843, so it's not like we're killing off some ancient tradition. And the word "Holiday" comes from "Holy day", so how are you making this a secular day if you are wishing people a Happy Holy Day? Finally, "X-Mas" is not porn loving left wingers trying to take Christ out of Christmas. "X" is the greek letter "chi", and for centuries, the Greeks have used XMas as an abbreviation for "christ's festival". But perhaps the most sensible thing I've come across about this topic can be read here:
...many Christians are genuinely concerned about the secularization and commercialization of the holiday. But for those who truly want to "put Christ back into Christmas," the answer is in giving more time and attention to religious and charitable activities, not in demanding more Christian symbolism at the place where you shop. Macy's is not a temple.

kerri_lee.gif Things between JGT and Alycia Lane have gotten a bit rocky because of this whole Booker thing. (Not because of the cop punching thing. In fact, Goodtimes admits that the cop incident makes her "only seem even hotter. I love crazy women.") But a close source tells us that Goodtimes now has his eye on co-worker Kerri Lee Halkett*. She apparently just broke up with her boyfriend, Jamison Uhler, who earlier this year wore a woman's tank top and splashed water on himself in a pool in one of my, ahem, one of Johnny's favorite videos ever.


*Although he admits, "I don't really see her that much around the office" at FOX, where Goodtimes has recorded his critically acclaimed online quizzoes.

12-19-2007 007.jpg Who had a hit with the song, "New York City Cops"?
12-19-2007 006.jpg Everybody is so quick to judge Alcia. But perhaps this was the cops fault. Perhaps she was a bad lieutenant. Who starred in Bad Lieutenant?
12-19-2007 004.jpg What rap group famously recorded a song called "F*** the Police", Alycia Lane's theme song?
12-19-2007 003.jpg When arrested, Jason Wahler called the arresting officer a f****t and a poor f***. What show was Jason on? Or possibly still is on. I don't know, you think I watch this s***?
12-19-2007 002.jpg What actor, after being arrested for a DUI, told a young female officer, "What do you think you're looking at, sugar t*ts?"
12-19-2007 001.jpg This rapper is no longer allowed in the UK after getting into a fight with police at Heathrow Airport in 2006.

Ok, got a new picture thingie and this one actually works, so we should be back on a regular picture schedule in the near future. This week, pics of last weeks winners, and all questions are inspired by Alycia Lane. Post your answers in the comments section. One guess per person.

Wow

This is perhaps the most amazing headline I have ever read. Thanks, Gabe, for sending this in. Find something weird or crazy online? Send it to me.

l_2cd4ebd991a787096e26ac58711f607b.jpg The lovely Ginger (aka Sassy Kick Some Assy, aka the Beer Lass, aka Suzy, aka Hot Nickels) is gonna be hosting a slammin' X-Mas party with her beer club tonight at Johnny Brendas and all are invited. I'm planning on going after Black Sheep. It's gonna be fun. Here's the 411 from Ginger:


This Wednesday is the 2nd annual holiday party for In Pursuit of Ale-Philly's Women's beer club and a Benefit for the National ParkinsonsFoundation.

We meet every two weeks around our city's watering holes and as much as we enjoy each other's company we love to branch out and see some new faces. Just think of it as another crazy night at Johnny Brenda's but supporting the National Parkinsons Foundation all the while.....

It's going to be an all out bonanza kicking things off with Philly local band, the Getarounds at 8!
NBC 10 will be there! We'll have DJ Dee Jay spinning for us later (of Beatles vs. Stones
fame)! We'll have a bottle swap..bring a bottle, take another one home...We'll be playing some Rock Paper Scissors! Raffling off some prizes- Gift certificates and a 3 liter bottle of MAD
ELF and more! Yummy food for Carnies and Veggies!

All for $13 with optional donations for Parkinsons throughout the night

Drinking great local craft beer for a mere $3 a pint from our friends at Flying Fish, Sly Fox, Iron hill, Troegs, and Dock St. All proceeds go to the parkinson's Foundation in memory of the Beer Hunter, Michael Jackson.

We're going to be raising money this week for a very worthy cause. I am asking everyone who plays this week to donate at least a dollar. We will then be giving the money we raise to the Red Shield, (who we helped out in the summer) to help buy Christmas gifts for the homeless children at the Red Shield Family Residence. If you'd like to learn more about the program, click here.

its-a-wonderful-life-title.jpg All questions this week will have to do with the holiday season, Christmas movies, songs, etc. Only one quiz this week, so you can only play once.
cp_en_8702.jpg
  • "Police say the reason for the attack could be because Mr Kondaiah told too many people of the alleged magical powers of his right leg." I think we've all learned a valuable lesson today. If you have a magical leg, don't go blabbin' off at the mouth about it. Story is here.
  • As soon as she got out of prison, who did Alycia Lane call? Ed Rendell. If I ever go to jail, I'm gonna call my powerful political connections, too. Randy, Narberth's official dog catcher, should be expecting a phone call if I ever punch a cop.
  • In other Alycia Lane news, I got totally censored by the Metro today. In the little sports thing, the first question was, "What is it about Donovan McNabb that causes so much drama?" I answered, "If he didn't want drama, he shouldn't have punched that dyke cop." The 2nd question was, "Andy Reid is sick of talking about McNabb's future. What else is there to talk about?" I answered "Dyke cops." That one didn't make it by the censors either. There goes that damn politically correct left wing media again! I guess sayin' "Dyke cop" is like sayin' "Merry Christmas" these days. The mainstream media's all a bunch of left-wing Christ hating dyke cop supporters.

  • Got a new photo connector thingie, so hopefully I'll be able to catch up on photos manana.


This totally awesome holiday tradition, which started in Norway, consists of dressing up between Christmas and New Years and going out in costumes and trying to trick your friends and then drinking all of their booze. I'm serious. .

Joey Vento, on last night's Glenn Beck Show: "You don't wanna assimilate into this country and learn our language? Well then you shouldn't uh came here then. Stay where you was." Indeed.

Gotta work on my Metro column this morning, but in the meantime I leave you with a wonderful Christmas story that I just read for the first time this year. It's short, and you're gonna love it (If you don't wanna listen to it and wanna read it, just scroll down a little bit on the page.)

alycia_lane_bikini_photos7.jpg Yes, I was in New York over the weekend. Had a great time. Went to a speakeasy type bar called Milk and Honey (which had some interesting house rules) on Saturday and last night went to Upright Citizens Brigade show. Even saw that giant tree at Rockefeller Center. I did not spend time with Booker and Alycia Lane while I was in New York, nor was I part of the couple that was allegedly in the cab with Alycia and Booker. Nor did I try to set Booker up by planting that slow cop car there in an effort to get him arrested so I could take his lady while he was behind bars, only to see my devious yet brilliant plan backfire horribly when the lovely Alycia allegedly took out that cop with an uppercut. That is a ridiculous rumor and I don't even know where you heard it from, but it's absurd. Oh, and a quick question: If the cop she allegedly called a "f****** dyke" before she allegedly punched is in fact a lesbian, does this become a hate crime?

RELATED: Dyke cop gets what's coming to her.

UPDATE: Holy hell, Joey Sweeney at Philebrity already asked a lawyer if this constitutes a hate crime. Geesh, I thought I was just joking.

conspiracy.jpg It's that time of year again, and I don't mean Christmas. I mean flu season. A time when when old and young alike are cautioned to run to the doctor to get their shots before this year's supply runs out. After all, we never know when the next pandemic will arrive, right? And by then, it will be too late.


Or won't it?

Fact is, there hasn't been a flu pandemic since 1968. I was only an infant then, but if you listen to the media and to your doctor and to the government, the next big worldwide pandemic, a ravaging disease of unimaginable virulence, lurks in the closet like the bogeyman. It may pounce at any moment, and what will you do if you're unprotected?

Can anyone say "bird flu"?

On the crest of this wave of seasonal panic is the announcement that New Jersey is about to become the first state -- and the first governmental body anywhere in the world, in fact -- to require flu vaccine. REQUIRE it.

Granted, the requirement is only limited to children under 10. And aside from that, only other high risk groups, like older people and those with respiratory or immune diseases, are strongly encouraged to take the shot. Those who are healthy and young, ie 20's to 40's, usually can risk going without, but if you listen to doctors and the CDC you are making yourself vulnerable if you make that choice. Flu, after all, kills 36,000 people a year, according to the CDC.

However, those numbers are widely disputed, and, as someone who has chronic asthma, I can definitively state that I have never taken the flu shot. Nor do I ever intend to. And I strongly counsel my family and friends to do the same, and if I had children, I would NOT let them get it. I wouldn't want them to risk their health with this dangerous and unnecessary procedure.

crazy_insane.gif Gotta do a week in review this week. I can't remember a single week in quizzo history where this much went down. First, Philly rocked the nation at the City vs. City Smackdown. Speaking of Smackdown, her team almost pulled off the biggest upset ever.

The new online quizzo went up on Fox. This is the episode where I almost get captured by the giant lobster.

The Bombs implode in Round Four at the Bards on Tuesday.

A wild Wednesday, as the Jams lose for the 2nd week in a row, and Duane's World doesn't even crack the top 5. HIghest score of the week is at Black Sheep and is a 3 man team that included the Black Sheep chef.

Axis of Evil Knieval blows a lead going into the final round at the Good Dog, and a stacked Sofa Kingdom team falls to the Western Omelette in overtime.

In addition to that, a wild political discussion on the comments section under Bob T.'s latest piece, including the first time I think I've ever seen Steve O get mad, and Chip's interview with Bob Thompson doesn't work out the way he hoped.

What a week!

l_2a4f3c5fb7dff7a3a11db004c57a79e1.jpg O'NEALS
  1. Bob Lablaw Law Blog 102
  2. Young, the Old, the Restless 77
  3. Double Guatanamo 76
  4. We Heart Porn 65
  5. I Got Nothin' 63
BARDS
  1. Sofa Kingdom 99
  2. Hurtin Bombs 98
  3. What Happened to that Girl From Small Wonder? 96
  4. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 94
  5. Chin Omelette 88
LOCUST RENDEZVOUS
  1. River of Rocks 103
  2. Jams (aka Ike Turner-Rolling on the River Styx) 99
  3. A.S.S. 83
  4. Dave's Apartment 65
  5. Team Patrino 57
BLACK SHEEP
  1. BBD 108
  2. This Is Not a Bus 99
  3. Baron Munchausen and his Amazing Periodic Table 92
  4. Fine Young Cannibals 81
  5. The Monroe Doctrine 79
GOOD DOG
  1. Guantanamo 72
  2. Axis of Evil Knieval 71
  3. Bring PB & J Back 70
  4. Terms of Endearment vs. Mystic Pizza 52
  5. Nasty Weiners 50
BARDS
  1. *Western Omelette 84
  2. *Sofa Kingdom 84
  3. Hurtin Bombs 81
  4. Thump and Bump 65
  5. Team Fun! 64

*Went to tie breaker question: "In what year was Warren Moon born?" Kingdom guessed 1960, Omelette guessed 1957. The correct answer was 1956. Omelette pulled off the upset.


I've been slacking on my photos of teams lately. The problem is that I lost the thingie that hooks pics into the laptop, then I bought another one and it didn't work. So I tried to upload the photos onto my Mac but it erased a few of them. Anyways, so now I gotta buy yet another picture connector thingie*, which hopefully I can do manana and get the photos up asap. Thanks for your patience.

*sorry to get all technical on you guys.

Is this for real? (SFW). If so, it is the coolest thing ever. You have to see this. Amazing.

I don't remember a lot of it. I do remember that it involved cognac, Albuquerque, and Ezra Pound. Anyways, I'm just getting up. Another meltdown from a high profile team at the Good Dog and a thriller at the Bards last night. Socreboard and a new one from the Donspiracist coming soon.

740508658_l (Custom).jpg Author's Note: The past two weeks have obviously been a whirlwind for me. Since my interview with Mike Huckabee was posted, The Huck has turned into a juggernaut in the polls- his ratings soaring, his popularity increasing with every hit on johnnygoodtimes.com.

Sure, it was revealed that in 1992, The Huck thought that AIDS patients should be isolated from society... In 1992 I thought that Right Said Fred was going to be the next big thing... we all make mistakes! Irregardless, my article was just the springboard that the Huckabee camp needed.

I would like to say that my piece on Dennis Kucinich had the same effect. However, no one has seen D-Train since he left a Los Angeles nightclub early one morning last week with Owen Wilson and Steve Coogan.

That being said, I was quite disheartened to find that, after a number of attempts, I was unsuccessful in landing an interview with Republican candidate Fred Thompson. His staff declined to arrange an interview, and Fred's hot wife, Jeri, is quite snippy when you follow her home from her Pilates class.

Needless to say, I was unable to speak with Mr. Thompson. However, not wanting to disappoint my readers, I figured that I would get the next best thing. Knowing that Fred Thompson is, first, an actor, I decided to interview an actor that reminds me of Mr. Thompson, to perhaps get in his head. I found this to be equally challenging. The following actors were either unavailable or unwilling to grant me an interview:

John Voight
Abe Vigoda
Anthony Hopkins
Hal Linden
Anjelica Huston
Kelsey Grammer
Craig T. Nelson

When all hope seemed lost for this week's column, a miracle occurred. I came across a man who, in this reporter's opinion, is a carbon copy of Fred Thompson in mind, body and soul.

That man is Conrad Bain, TV's Mr. Drummond.

UPDATE: Looks like CNBC was wrong about Pujols and Nunez. Those two homers Nunez hit total in the last two years cannot be attributed to illegal steroid use. Still got some big names though. Everybody is linking to the PDF of the report, like I'm gonna read a 409 page document on my computer. The hell with that. I'm gonna wait for the movie to come out. Here's the full list on Deadspin.
denver_1.jpg First of all, a hearty congratulations to Albuquerque on a spirited fight. As for Denver: what in the hell is the matter with you? Your once proud city must be deeply ashamed by your performance on Monday night. 9 teams show, and they average 77 points, a full 32 points behind us? Did your brains get cramped when you ate too much granola earlier that afternoon on your hike up Mount Elway? Did you get lost at your Satanic Nazi airport and not find your way out in time? Or did you just know that Philadelphia was going to kick your boot wearing hippie asses, so you just stayed home and cried into your hemp pillow ? I'll tell you what: how about next time, we'll just keep Denver out of the equation and save you guys the embarrassment? RELATED: Philly rules.
peewee.jpg OK, so it's looking like not one, but two, Pee Wee movies are in the works. And, get this, Johnny Depp is possibly playing Pee Wee! Hmmm, I'm torn. On the one hand, I'd like Paul Reubens to play Pee Wee, but if there is one other actor I think could pull him off, it's Johnny Depp. Bad news: looks like Tim Burton is too busy to direct it. Who do you think should direct?

RELATED: The Full Story. (Thanks to Duane for sending this in. If you've got a scoop that you think I'd like to post on the website, holla atcha boy.)

jebarmce.jpg Rowand's gone. The San Francisco Giants came in with a 5 year deal, something the Phillies simply couldn't match. It is an absolute shame to let the guy go, although I really think it is folly to sign him to a five year deal. He'll be 36 by the time the contract runs out. Pretty old for a center fielder. That being said, this is no bueno. Rowand was a true gamer who laid it all on the line every single game, and the difference in intensity between when he was the leader of that outfield and when Abreu ran it is night and day. The full speed run into the fence is a Philadelphia legend that will improve with time, as when we're old timers, we'll tell anyone who will listen that "The Phillies once had a centerfielder who broke every bone above his waist to catch a fly ball." This leaves the Phils with Shane Victorino in center and Jayson Werth in right. Lots of hustle but no power and no leadership. The Lidge move was nice, but this team will start the upcoming season worse than it ended last year unless they make another big move. And really, what move can they make? I don't see any exciting free agents. RELATED: Beerleaguer chimes in.
hallofflags.jpg Went and checked out both Houston Hall and the Armory today. Houston Hall is a bit more pleasing aesthetically, though the Armory holds more people. So I need to do the math and see which one makes more sense. We've sold out at 300 at the WCL the past three years, so a part of me wants to see if we can get 400. Houston Hall will probably hold right around 300. I need to send proposals to both and see which one works out. I think we're probably looking at an early March kickoff either way. Houston Hall only has an opening for March 8. I think that is Penn's spring break. Is that gonna cost us a lot of people? I know we have a decent amount of Penn profs, but I dunno if they really go anywhere for Spring Break, and we don't really have that many Penn students. Anyways, things are looking up. Hopefully we'll have a venue by Christmas.
01-Bob-Barker-74428666_10.jpg
  • Getting ready to run out and check on a couple of venues. Wish me luck.
  • Trivia Art's latest in the Metro. Sled Wrecker is a great name for a beer.
  • Gooch goes to San Diego. No biggie. We've still got Wes Helms coming off the bench to pinch hit. No worries
  • Did you know that Iran's president has a blog.? Worth a browse.
  • Happy birthday, Oh Great One! Bob turns 84 today.

The Hurtin Bombs took a 14 point lead over the Sofa Kingdom into the final round of last night's quizzo. I was then able to capture some video of the Bombs 4th round performance!

fish-bicycle.jpg Here's a few questions from the City vs.City Smackdown, in case you missed it. (Oh, and Denver and Colorado Springs had a bad turnout. I guess they just knew we were gonna kick their asses, so they didn't bother showing. If you'd like to rub it in, just click here.):
  1. What feminist icon famously quipped, 'A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle', and then later married Christian Bale's dad?
  2. In what book of the Old Testament would you find the story of the Tower of Babel?
  3. The first underwater car tunnel in the US was completed in 1927 in New York. What's it called?
  4. Jupiter is the largest planet. What planet is 2nd largest?
  5. In what year did Seattle Slew win the Triple Crown?
  6. Who was the star of the Garbage Picking Field Goal Kicking Philadadelphia Phenomenon?
  7. What popular singer released a song called Albuquerque in 1975 and a song called Philadelphia in 1993?
  8. What 1983 movie starring Matthew Broderick took place in Colorado Springs?
  9. In Little Miss Sunshine, the family leaves from Albuequerque to attend a pageant in what california beach city?
  10. What parent company owns Juicy Couture, Kate Spade, and Lucky Brand Jeans?
  11. When George W. Bush graduated from Yale in 1968, he received a bachelor's degree in what?
  12. Richard Henry Lee accused Thomas Jefferson of plagiarizing this philosophers 2nd treatise when writing the Declaration of Independence.
  13. Snow White and the Seven Dwarves is the first film in the Walt Disney Feature Animation canon. What was the 2nd?
  14. What two NBA teams each had two players on the 1992 Dream Team?
  15. What must the sustained speed be for an Atlantic storm to be labelled a hurricane (give you credit if you are within one either way)?


DSCF0205.JPG Philly took home the gold on Monday night at the Urban Saloon, proving once again that while clueless tourists may think we're dumb when they fill out useless polls, there is still not a single city out there that can hang with us in IQ when it is fairly measured. The Sofa Kingdom led the way, taking home the win with a 119. A team from Seattle, Marguaret Thatcher is the Dairy Queen, took home the silver with a 117. The story of the night in Philly, however, was the play of 3rd place overall (2nd place in Philly), Ron Paul UFO (below, right), who had no reason to hang their heads after finishing with a 115. Consisting of D-Mac, Smackdown, Trivia Art, Monie Love, and Fidge, this five person team gave the 8 person Kingdom (who had added Kenny and Renee from the Hurtin Bombs and Parsa from Omelette to an already star-studded lineup) all they could handle before falling by a single question. Overall, the city of Philly stood head and shoulders above the rest of the crowd. To determine city winners, we took the top five scores from each city and averaged them. The results were interesting, considering that in that recent Travel and Leisure poll, Seattle was supposedly the smartest city in the nation, Denver was 10th, and we were 14th. But what's actual head to head competition when you have couples in matching pleated jean shorts and aloha shirts judging how smart you are while looking at the Liberty Bell? Here were the results: DSCF0206.JPG
  1. PHILLY 109
  2. SEATTLE 99
  3. ALBUQUERQUE 93
  4. DENVER 77
  5. COLORADO SPRINGS 66

After the jump, the top 20 teams overall. No head count on teams, but between us and Seattle there were over 50, so I suspect there were about 100 total.

Yo, $20 extra to any team that can knock off the Kingdom tonight at the Bards. They've won 10 straight Tuesday night contests, and must be stopped.

QUIZZO_Header_Background.jpg The new MyFoxPhilly quizzo is up! We were on hiatus for a while because we were hoping to install a scoreboard, but it hasn't happened because it would cost a ridiculous amount of money. But this one is definitely worth playing. We've added a few new features and I think you'll enjoy question number 4 and the outfit I have on.
Thumbnail image for 08-19-2007 002.jpg
  • Scores are rolling in, slowly but surely. Geez, in this technological age, this is like waiting for the afternoon paper to find out what happened in yesterday's baseball game in the 1920s. Looks like it's tight between us and Seattle this time. Albuquerque did better than Denver. Still waiting on Colorado Springs. Will have scores up later this afternoon.
  • Gotta go to my dental appointment soon to get my gums lowered (they've been riding a little too high in my mouth, apparently.) In other words, the dentist could just stick a bunch of steel into my mouth for an hour, say "We're all done. Now pay us $1100." and there is no way I could ever tell in a million years if a single thing had been done other than cause me a lot of mouth pain. Oh well, my dentist's name is "Painless Parker", so I'm sure I'll be fine.
  • You know that really nice old man who dresses in a suit and plays his flute at various spots around the city (I used to see him a lot on South Street)? A member of the Rittenhouse gestapo arrested him in March for playing at 18th and Chestnut, but the flutist struck back, and was recently awarded $27,500 in damages. Hooray freedom! Thanks Hunter for sending this in.

Fun night. Still waiting to hear from Denver and Seattle, and then will do a full writeup. In the meantime, I gotta get my Metro column done by noon and I still don't know what the hell I'm gonna write about. Then I have another dental procedure at 2 p.m. (Phase 2 of the 3 phase process). So if you guys wanna help me find some fun stuff on the intranets to post today, please send me an email.

Who spoke at the United Nations on December 11, 1964, then met with Eugene McCarthy, met with associates of Malcolm X, and dined with the Rockefellers.

n640221078_470278_6455.jpg If you are here looking for info on City vs. City Smackdown, click here.

-Anybody wondering why Darth Ern won't be at his usual spot at the bar at the Vous tomorrow, here's why: He's gonna be at the Bill Clinton rally at the Electric Factory.


-On this date in 1935, Jay Berwanger was awarded the first ever Heisman Trophy. Guess what team selected him with the first pick in the 1936 draft? And guess who decided they'd rather be a foam rubber salesman than play for said team?

-It's looking like we may be doing QBIV on February 15th at WCL. I'm hoping to look at the Hall of Flags and the Armory if I get a free minute later this week, but I asked about it at the Urban Outfitters headquarters down at the Shipyard, which is supposed to be an amazing space, and the lady said that it costs about $15,000 to run electricity in there. What????? Yeah, so that's out. I also contacted the Diamond Club at the ballpark, and that ain't big enough.

-Read this great short story by George Orwell having to do with imperialism called the Shooting an Elephant.

340x.jpg Gonna be hard at work today tying together loose ends of the City vs. City Smackdown (for more info click here) but in the meantime, enjoy Bob T.'s latest piece, this one on Clinton ally Sandy Berger.


In my last column, I discussed the Valerie Plame affair -- a non-crime that the Democrats, assisted by the mainstream media (MSM), hysterically elevated to the status of a major scandal. In this column, I'm going to address a scandal that involved real criminal acts that the MSM chose to almost totally ignore. I'm referring to Sandy Berger and his theft of classified documents from the National Archives.

Now I'm willing to bet that a large majority of the people reading this column know little or nothing about the Berger scandal. I have brought the subject up on a number of occasions with friends and barroom colleagues, and they have always drawn a blank in these discussions. No one I've spoken with has ever known anything about the scandal. And why should they? They have made the mistake of relying on the MSM for information. They therefore know what the MSM wants them to know, and they have little or no knowledge on those subjects of which the MSM would prefer that they remain blissfully ignorant. And the outrageous conduct of Sandy Berger in the National Archives is a subject on which the MSM seems to have decided that people should remain uninformed.

Samuel R. (Sandy) Berger, aka Sandy "Socks and Shorts" Berger, is a long-time soldier in the Clinton crime family, who served as Bill Clinton's National Security Advisor during the period 1997 to 2001. Called to testify before the 9/11 Commission and acting on a letter of delegation from Clinton, Berger made four trips to the National Archives in 2003 to review various highly classified documents in preparation for his testimony. Security requirements on such documents mandate that they not be copied and that they are not to be removed from the archives. Security is so tight that any handwritten notes made by a person reviewing these documents have to pass a separate security review prior to removal from the archives. The reviewer is under constant observation by the archival staff.

051.JPG O'NEALS
  1. S*** Sandwich 96
  2. Dork Sided 88
  3. Cornbread Mafia 87
  4. Carly's Old, but Mike's Older 86
  5. Close Enough for Government Work 82
BARDS
  1. Sofa Kingdom 105
  2. Hurtin' Bombs 96
  3. Damn You Everett 82
  4. Is That a Dreidel In Your Pants... 76
  5. Terracotta Pie 67
LOCUST RENDEZVOUS
  1. Satan's Minions+Steve 99
  2. Jager SHots are $2 94
  3. See No Eval, Hear No Eval, Speak No Eval (aka Jams) 94
  4. Trust Us We Know 93
  5. Blame the Newbie 93
BLACK SHEEP
  1. This is Not a Bus 95
  2. Duane's World 83
  3. Where the Hell Is Our Team 80
  4. But My Mom Says I'm Cool 80
  5. Fine Young Cannibals 75
GOOD DOG
  1. Axis of Evel Knieval 84
  2. The Lawn Wranglers 71
  3. Have You Tried the Blue Point Imperial 67
  4. Gayowulf 63
  5. You've Lost That Lovin' Feeley 56
BARDS
  1. Sofa Kingdom 106
  2. Chin Omelette 104
  3. Hurtin Bombs 95
  4. Marshadelphia 95
  5. ??? sorry, lost the other papers.
saloon.jpg Here's the 411 on the City vs. City Smackdown.
  • Who- You, me, the Terrence Brown trio, and the morons that we will crush in Denver, Seattle and Albuquerque. Albuquerque? Yeah, I know. Dicker in Denver wanted to include them. Also, the Denver quizmasters name is Dicker.
  • What- The City vs. City Smackdown. We will compete against and destroy quizzo teams in the cities mentioned above. The winner of the Philly quizzo gets $350, 2nd place gets $100, and 3rd place gets $50. In addition, if you defeat the teams in the other cities, you will get another $100.
  • When- Monday, December 10th at 7:30 p.m.
  • Where- Urban Saloon (21st and Fairmount)
  • Why- Because it was there.
  • How- You pay your $10 admission. You listen to some great jazz. You partake in some great drink specials. You eat some great food. You crush the morons in the other cities. You drink some more. Life is good.
  • Additional info- Max team size is 8, strictly enforced. No, you may not attend and just watch. This is NOT invite only. All teams are welcome to attend. Even if you don't have a shot at winning, it will be a fun night, and a chance to meet teams that play at other bars. It will be first come, first serve, and I expect a pretty good sized crowd, so I would suggest getting there by 7:00 p.m. Since it is a Monday and we may run a little longer than usual, I'm really gonna try to start on time. Any additional questions? Feel free to contact me.

The results of the last poll were kind of depressing. Only 32 responses? You guys really don't care when we do Quizzo Bowl? Well, I'm gonna try again, because they're holding the 15th for me at World Cafe Live until Monday, when I have to pull the trigger. As someone pointed out, that is Presidents day weekend, so we might lose some vacationers. The only other options would be a Sunday night or as Steve O suggested Saturday afternoon, say, 4 or 5ish, followed by a blowout afterparty somewhere afterwards. So vote below and let me know if you wanna do this on Friday the 15th or a yet to be determined Saturday afternoon.

Pearl_Harbor.jpg Today is the day that will live in infamy, and several local veterans are heading out to Hawaii to commemorate the event. But the question must be asked: Did FDR know that the Japanese were going to attack, and let it happen so that the public would be drawn into the war? The Straight Dope has the answer.
740508658_l (Custom).jpg Here is the latest from JGT political correspondent Chip Chantry, an interview he recently had with Dennis Kucinich. Chip will be performing tonight, Friday night, and Saturday night at Helium Comedy Club this weekend. If you missed Chip's first interview, Mike Huckabee, click here. This is funny stuff. Enjoy.

Think of your favorite band: That really cool indie band that no one knows about but you and the guy with the faded Depeche Mode Tshirt who works at the shady record store in town that smells like weed and vinyl...yeah, that's the one. This is the greatest band in the world- their music moves you. They have a style that is so unique, that no radio station, television network, or major record label even knows what to do with it. This band is way too f****** cool to ever make it big. And you like it that way. Because it's your band- no one else's.

When it comes to U.S. politics, Dennis Kucinich is that band. He's way too f****** cool to ever be president. And in this reporter's opinion, he likes it that way.

It took a lot hard work to get some face time with Mr. Kucinich, or "D-Train" as he's known in his inner-circle of friends and followers. I couldn't go through the standard channels to find him either. Luckily, I knew a guy who knew a guy who used to play French Horn for the Polyphonic Spree, who had his wife's cell phone number. But in the end, it was worth every second. I only had about five minutes with D-Train, whom I met around 3 a.m. at a bonfire on the beach behind a condemned amusement park in Santa Monica, CA.

Kucinich could sense that I felt out of place at this bonfire that looked more like a goth-orgy than a campaign rally. So he grabbed me a veggie burrito and red Solo cup full of absinthe and took me for a walk down the beach.

Dennis Kucinich- Do you feel that breeze off the ocean? That's the earth breathing, man.

Chip Chantry- So why do you want to be president?

DK- (Takes a drag of a hand-rolled cigarette, possibly not tobacco) The p***y, man.

CC- Excuse me?

  • Good Dog (15th and Locust) at 8 p.m., and if your team has a pulse and at least one of you has a high school degree, you will probably win. By far the easiest quiz to win on the JGT circuit.
  • Bards (20th and Walnut) at 10:15 p.m. p.m. Not easy to win, but if you can knock off Philadelphia Weekly dandies the Sofa Kingdom, you will instantly be transformed into a rock star yourself and your chances of getting laid will skyrocket. Oh wait, this is quizzo. Nevermind. Nobody's getting laid.

They have availability at the World Cafe Live for Friday, February 15th. Before you answer the poll question, keep a few things in mind: It is not easy to find a new venue that contains all of the amenities that the World Cafe live offers (great acoustics for band, beer service, food, seating for 300 people at tables.) And perhaps most importantly, it is a cabride away for most of you. I do not know of a similar facility in Philly unless we look to the suburbs (If you know of any similar facility in the city that meet the requirements of food, booze, great sound, good location, by all means post it in the comments below). The poll will not be my final call on this (I also have to check with my advisers* and have to see if the band is available), but I wanna get a feel for what you guys think about this.

*read: Ginger and Trivia Art.

navAreaMetroLogo.gif Hey, did you guys hear that I had a root canal? Oh really, I've brought it up at least a hundred times in conversation this week? And then I did a whole wild card round dedicated to it? Oh yeah. Well, I dedicated my Metro column to it as well. I've also thought about a comissioning a statue in honor of how brave I was.

Also in the Metro, a good article on how disloyal Philadelphia sports fans are. A-Men.

cezanne83.JPG Answers are after the jump.
  1. In what 1999 movie would you find Heather Donahue and Michael C. Williams?
  2. HA Rey and his wife Margret are best known for bringing us what series of childrens books?
  3. What instrument is Vivaldi's four seasons written for?
  4. What book that you've all read takes place in the fictinal town of Maycomb, Alabama?
  5. Who played Cowboy Curtis on Pee Wee's Playhouse?
  6. How many representatives are there in the house?
  7. Megalodons were over 50 feet long, but are now extinct. What type of animals were they?
  8. What is the only word in the English language that has three consecutive pairs of letters and no hyphens? (In other words, balloon has two consecutive pairs of letters. What word has 3?)
  9. In what sport will you find daffies, twisters, and helicopters?
  10. This artist, born in 1839 (self portrait, above), is known as the father of modern art?
ent_324_222.jpg
1442515132_m.jpg Got a band lined up for Monday night! The Terrence Brown Trio will be performing at the Urban Saloon on Monday night. Entry fee for the City vs. City Smackdown, in which your team can win $450 plus get to listen to some great jazz, is only $10. There are gonna be some terrific drink specials and this time, it is not an invite only. Any team is welcome to attend. I am expecting a pretty good sized crowd, though, so I would arrive early. Team max size is 8.

To read more about saxophonist Terrence Brown, click here. If you want to hear some of his music, check out his Myspace page. This is gonna be a great night, so get your team together and let's kick Denver and Seattle's tail!

DSCF0180.JPG D-Mac just did a piece on the Sofa Kingdom, and how unbeatable they are at quizzo. I would like to apologize for the kind words I said about the Kingdom in the article. I know that they are a force of evil, and I should have been more scathing in my words about them. I was in a Christmas shop when I was called for the interview, and was feeling a little too charitable. Also, D-Mac, I prefer to think of myself as a a quizzo mogul, not a quizzo maven. A maven is a charitable guy who passes on his knowledge to others. A mogul is all about the Benjamins. That's me.

Ok, so City vs. City Smackdown is Monday, December 10th at 7:30 p.m. at the Urban Saloon (2120 Fairmount) Max team size is 8, strictly enforced. Admission is $10 a head. Gonna have some great drink specials ($5 pitchers of Miller Lite and PBR and $3.50 a pint for all other beers, of which they have a great selection). Rumor has it that their food is extremely good and very reasonably priced. Also, gonna have live music. Working on that now. Should have a band for you by manana. Winning team will walk with $350, with 2nd place getting $150. In addition to that, the winning team can also take home an extra $100 if they defeat all the teams in Seattle and Denver. This is gonna be a lot of fun, and it's important that we knock off Seattle and Denver again, just to show them who's boss. (We'll determine city scores by adding up the top five teams scores in each city and then averaging them out.)

-I'll have full details on City vs. City Smackdown later this afternoon. Working on one last little detail now and then we'll be up and running.

-Tonight, quizzo at O'Neals (3rd and South) at 8 p.m. and quizzo at the Bards (20th and Walnut) at 10:15 p.m. In case you haven't already heard, I have put a $20 bounty on the heads of the Sofa Kingdom at the Bards.

-Still unsure of a venue for Quizzo Bowl, unfortunately. World Cafe Live couldn't find me a Saturday. Which I'd prefer. Should we do it on a Sunday at WCL or should I continue to look elsewhere (I'm thinking about looking at the Starlight Ballroom.)? Also, I could possibly get it on a Friday at WCL. Thoughts on that?

funnypig.jpg The Phillies triple A team is called the Iron Pigs. So it came as no surprise that they decided to name their Pig mascot Pork Chop. But apparently they can't do that, because the term pork chop offends a Puerto Rican guy who got called Pork Chop once at a construction site decades ago. So they changed the name of the mascot. Well, I'd like to lodge some complaints as well. The Phillie Phanatic has a big nose, and I find him offensive to people who have big noses. Also, the Sixers Mascot is named Hip Hop, and hip hop contains lyrics that are offensive to women. Do the Sixers hate women? Also, Drexel named its teams the Dragons. Dragons used to kill people by breathing fire on them. Does Drexel promote the incineration of humans? Apparently. Oh, and one more thing. Pork Chop, Pork Chop, Pork Chop, Pork Chop. Also, Bacon, bacon, bacon, bacon. Sausage, sausage, sausage, sausage. I hope I offended some people with those words as well.

I'm heading out of the house to get the root canal done. Wish me luck. I'm really trying to be brave about this I really am. But if I don't make it back, I just want you to know...I love you guys.

Inflamed.jpg What is the highly vascularized, dense connective tissue that often gets infected in the root canal called?


None of the announcers talked about this, but this was one of the sketchiest plays I've ever seen. Watch after Lawrence Maroney catches the ball and the Ravens cornerback at the top of the screen, #22 Samari Rolle, comes into hit him at the fifty yard line, and then decides not to. He just runs alongside him for 15 yards without ever trying to tackle him. Was he in on the fix or just the biggest sissy in NFL history? I've never seen anything like this.

bounty.jpg There are two different teams with bounties on their heads this week. The Sofa Kingdom has a bounty on their heads at the Bards (20th and Walnut, 10 p.m.) Tuesday night, and the Jams have a bounty on their heads at the Vous (Broad and Locust, 6:15 p.m.) on Wednesday night. $20 extra to any team that can beat either of them this week.
DSCF0185.JPG What religious group once created a utopia in Nauvoo, Illinois?
DSCF0184.JPG What former actual Illinois prison did Jake Blues do some hard time in in the movie Blues Brothers?
DSCF0181.JPG Who wore #77 for the University of Illinois football team?
14745471.jpg In what year did Chicago host a World's Fair which saw the first neon lights, ferris wheel, and box of Cracker Jacks? (For more on burned out Zamboni, click here.)
DSCF0180.JPG What two states border Illinois to the West?
DSCF0179.JPG What is the capital of Illinois?

Gonna post pics of last weeks winners. Sorry so late, but I'm having some really frustrating technical problems at the home office these days. Really aggravating, but nothing a little therapy and laudanum can't overcome. Anyways, Illinois became a state on this date in 1818, so all questions under the photos will be about Illinois.

crater_joseph4.jpg The last guy to call himself Goodtimes didn't turn out so well. Was just doing some reading over the weekend about strange disappearances (because, um, that's the type of thing I do on the weekends.) And came across Goodtime Joe Crater. Crater disappeared in New York in 1930 after stumbling out of a bar with his mistress, who then vanished herself after talking to the cops. "Pulling a Crater" went into the common lexicon for disappearing without a trace, and the Golden Girls even used his name as a joke once. The story came back into the headlines a couple of years ago when his apparent killer was found. Pretty interesting stuff.

Jonathan Valania over at Phawker has been nice enough to post the full Wu-Tang album on his website. Just click "Phawker radio" in the top left hand corner and push play.

kevincurtis.jpg It is amazing that the Eagles have had a chance in so many close games and blown almost every one in the final minute of the 4th quarter. This team is awfully reminiscent of the 2007 Mets. Consider:
  • Week 1 vs. Green Bay: The team muffs two punts, including one in Packer territory with less than a minute to go, to lose 19-16.
  • Week 2 vs. Washington: Eagles drive deep into Redskin territory in the final minute with a chance to tie, but turn the ball over on downs.
  • Week 7 vs. Bears: Give up a 97 yard drive to Brian freaking Griese and allow a touchdown with :11 seconds to play to lose the game.
  • Week 12 vs. Patriots: Driving for winning score with a little over three minutes left when AJ Feeley throws a terrible pass into the back of the end zone and they lose, 31-28.
  • Week 13 vs. Seahawks: Team has the ball at Seahawk 13 with under thirty seconds to play, when AJ Feeley decides to throw the ball to Lofa Tatupu for the 3rd time.

Of these five chokes, McNabb can be directly blamed for maybe one, the Redskin loss. But, oh yeah, he's the main problem for this team, the reason they're so bad. Get him out of here. Oh, here's another interesting stat. McNabb has thrown 6 interceptions this season in 10 games, Feeley has thrown 9 INTs in 3 games. But no, Eagle fans, you're right, we'll be better off without McNabb. Good point.

l_b5052069f650e7df52353ab0b4c20846.jpg O'NEALS
  1. Dork Sided 90
  2. Team Syzlak 80
  3. Cornbread Mafia 79
  4. Pierre's Organized Crime 79
  5. Young, Old, and Restless 73
BARDS
  1. Sofa Kingdom 104
  2. Radically Inactive 99
  3. Narcotyzing Dysfunktion 91
  4. Lou Diamond Phillips 71
  5. Poetry in a Pint 44
LOCUST RENDEZVOUS
  1. The Jams 100
  2. Team Name 94
  3. G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S 83
  4. 1022 78
  5. John Ashcroft's Waterboarders 75
BLACK SHEEP
  1. Duane's World 106
  2. Where is Katherine? 94
  3. But My Mom Says I'm Kool 87
  4. Your Parents Must Be Proud 87
  5. Catdog 84
GOOD DOG
  1. No Talent Ass Clowns 79
  2. Tallstones 69
  3. Approaching Alarm 65
  4. You're Crumbelivable 63
  5. Team Jared 62
BARDS
  1. Sofa Kingdom 104*
  2. Hurtin Bombs 104*
  3. Sea of Bad Poetry and Retarded Sexuality 93
  4. Tony Romo? Tony Homo 86
  5. No Means Yes, Yes Means Twice 82
*Sofa Kingdom won in overtime. Question was, "In what year was Clark Gable born?' Bombs said 1903, Kingdom said 1902. The answer was 1901.

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