July 2007 Archives

-Our State Department would never involve themselves in human trafficking, tricking foreign laborers into working in Baghdad against their will. Would they? In the words of my buddy Toby, "We'll put a boot in your ass, it's the American way."

-The Daily News is doing their sexiest singles this week (thanks for nominating me, jerks). Anyways, they're doing videos and they look like those hilarious Comcast Dating On Demand features, with the guys videos being a lot funnier than the girls ones. This is by far the unintentionally funniest one. Anybody know where I can get a tank top like that?

-Remember when the mainstream media showered itself in glory by providing minute by minute flight coverage of the guy who falsely claimed to kill Joan Benet Ramsey? Well good old Jon Mark Karr recently got interviewed. I direct your eyes to this sentence: CBS46 will talk to Karr Tuesday at 11 p.m. about his life now, his time in Atlanta, his fiancée and his father. Yep, Jon Mark Karr has had more luck dating in the past year than I have.

-Turkey Chipotle BLT, who have quite an impressive collection of last place prizes, held their latest lead ever last week (in 1st place after round two at O'Neals last week), and therefore get the honor of today's ATH photo.

I'm From Dateline NBC won at a private quizzo for Montgomery, McCracken, Walker and Rhoads, LLP. Click here to learn how JGT to make your next private event more fun

What 1978 Sly Stallone film was loosely based on Jimmy Hoffa's life as a teamster?

Ok, so I threw my little hissyfit on friday about the lack of quizzo in this years Best Of...edition. Well, it's time to move on and turn the page, and see what they got right and wrong. Alright, they start with Food and Drink. I've gotten old and predictable in my old age, so I haven't been to a lot of hip new spots. But Philafoodie says that they got a lot of stuff right, and we'll take their word for it. A weak award for Cheap Eats: Wegman's. As many good cheap eats as this city has, and you give it to a chain grocery store out from Rochester? Lame. However, Steve's, Prince of Steaks, has a really great steaks. Good call. Alright, enough of the food. Let's move on. Fashion. Uh, yeah, whatever. This line from Philly's Best Tableware: "Glassware, dinnerware, and that teacup you saw on Oprah? Yes, yes, and heck yes." I think that's all we really need to know about fashion. Let's move to FUN.
After the jump: JGT responds to Philly Mag's "trite quizzo" comment.

So I'm at Chaucers with Trivia Art the other night (which is kind of like being at Cheers w/ Norm. Or like being at Grace's with Triva Art. But I digress.) And there is a very cute girl with a tattoo of a vase of some kind on her arm. I ask her, "What kind of urn you got there on your arm?' and she says, "Grecian". Now, where this knowledge came from, I have no idea, but before I even recognized what I was saying, I said, "Oh, so you're a Keats fan?" Brilliant, right? How can a girl not be impressed when a guy instantly recognizes a 19th century Romantic poet who died at age 25 of tuberculosis that she is such a big fan of that she gets a giant tattoo of his most famous poetic symbol on her arm? Anyways, she smiled, said, "Yes" AND WALKED AWAY. Not kool! I'm afraid I'm going to have to call shenanigans. That's not playing by the rules! If you get a freaking tattoo of a Grecian urn on your arm, and I correctly identify the author of "Ode to a Grecian Freaking Urn", you owe me a sentence. No phone number, no date, but damn if you don't owe me a sentence. You owe me, "Oh, what's your favorite Keats poem?" or "Are you a Keats fan too?"

Now fair is fair, I would have had nothing to say, because the only things I know about Keats are that he wrote Ode to a Grecian Urn and that he died of tuberculosis. I mean, I probably would have said something stupid, like, "I'm not a big fan of Keats, but I am a big fan of tuberculosis." And then it would have been more than acceptable for her to walk away. But NOT UNTIL I BLEW IT. Hey, I don't make the rules, I just play by them. The women of Philadelphia need to play by them too.

I never buy the Daily News, I just check it out online. But on my way back from the bar last night, I saw the fresh papers going out and A) there was something kind of exciting of grabbing one "hot off the presses" and B) Chris Coste was the sports cover, and like every male fan the Phillies have, I have a man crush on Chris Coste. It's pretty cool that we live in Philly at a time when the Phillies have A) their greatest first baseman of all time B) their greatest second baseman of all time C) arguably their best shortstop of all time and D) We get to see the Chris Coste drama unfold. This is the most Hollywood story in this town since Papale, complete with an entire city that gets behind him and teammates who constantly come to his defense, and who were rumored to be crying when he was demoted last time. Of course, every great Hollywood story needs an antagonist. Eagerly providing it for this story is evil General Manager Pat Gillick, played by a sneering Crimson Tide style Gene Hackman. Will Coste send us to the playoffs with a huge hit in September? Or will the evil General Manager demote him because of his foolish pride? Stay tuned.

(And a quick piece of advice, Mr. Gillick. If you do send Coste back down to the minors again, I would suggest that you invest in some Aloha shirts that won't stain when splattered by eggs.)

Justice will be served
And the battle will rage
This big dog will fight
When you rattle his cage
And you’ll be sorry that you messed with
The U.S. of A.
`Cause __________________
It`s the American way
I don't like to use terms like lyrical genius too often, but in this case...

Don't call it a comeback
I been here for years
Rockin my peers, puttin suckas in fear
Makin' __________________________
Listen to the bass go boom!

Once there was this kid who
Got into an accident and couldn't come to school
But when he finally came back
_______________________________
He said that it was from when
The car had smashed so hard

Take a bottle, shake it up
__________, break it up

Pour some sugar on me
Ooh, in the name of love
Pour some sugar on me
C'mon fire me up

I'm a model you know what I mean
And I ___________ on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I ___________on the catwalk
Several words

Its more than a feeling, when I hear that old song they used to play (more than a feeling)
I begin dreaming (more than a feeling)
till I see ________ walk away
I see my _________ walkin away (Same word repeated.)

It was on this date in 1419 that the frst defenestration of Prague took place. In honor of that, I'm going to post song lyrics beneath the winners pics, and you have to fill in the missing lyric or lyrics. One guess per person. No cheating.

Kick it off at O'Neals, where the Cornbread Mafia (w/ an assist from Steve O.) took home their first ever win. They knocked off defending champs This Dildo Tastes Funny 108-97.

The Sofa Kingdom apparently didn't like it when I said that they were no longer the best team at the Bards, and have sent a loud and clear message as of late, missing only 5 questions total in their last three quizzos (That's 115 out of 120 questions answered correctly.) They cruised to a 116-99 win over Narcotyzing on Tuesday, and came from behind to pull off a 109-107 win over the Hurtin Bombs at the Bards on Thursday. The Bombs had a perfect score going into the final round, but still couldn't hold off a resurgent Kingdom.

On Wednesday, the Jams (aka Lindsay Lohan is Our Designated Driver) recovered from their loss last week to pull off a 102-78 win over Trust Us We Know at the only non-packed quizzo this week. (ie if you want to be guaranteed a table at quizzo this coming week, the 'Vous might be your best bet). On to the Black Sheep, where Duane's MInions had little trouble with a pesky Yes You Can't team, but pulled out their 4th straight win. One more win and we'll have a bounty.

A grand return for an old quizzo favorite, as The Axis of Evil Knieval knocked blew past thefield and finished with an impressive 107. Then it was the Kingdom at the Bards. Will their hot streak continue? Will your team pull off an upset this week? We'll find out soon enough.

Philadelphia Magazine apparently thought that quizzo had quieted down since last year, b/c they decided not to include it in this years "Best Of..." edition, though they did include best karaoke. It's probably a good call because (with the exception of about 95% of the pubs and taverns in the local area) you can hardly find quizzo anywhere anymore. And it's not like it is now a national phenomenon that first saw the light of day in our fair city. Something as uniquely Philadelphean as quizzo certainly doesn't deserve a spot in a magazine named Philadelphia, though karaoke, which does not hail from Philly, certainly does. For shame, Philly Mag. If you're going to use the word Philadelphia in your title, at least try to cover and promote things that are unique and popular in this city.

Anyways, that's all the hating I'm gonna do, because I will say this: I'd rather nobody win Best Quizzo than Kildare's win Best Quizzo. On Monday, we'll take a look at all the winners, and figure out what they got right and what they got wrong. And in an effort to not make this whole entry sound like sour grapes, I'd like to give big ups to John McDonald (aka Johnny Mac), who won Best Chef (Snackbar). He's not only a damn good chef, he's a damn nice guy. Kudos!

Well, if Britney thought she could out-psycho Lindsay this week, she had another thing coming. I mean, Britney may have had a mental meltdown, but Lindsay Lohan carjacked somebody, then in a coke fueled rage drove 80 mph through a 25 mph zone hoping to murder her assistant. Then she told the officers that the horrified black guy in the backseat had been driving. A-HA! Just as I suspected. The black guy! The black guy probably put the coke in her pants, forced her to take shots of liquor against her will, and was driving her to a dog fight! It all makes sense now! Anyways, I changed up last nights 50/50 round a little, and threw long time coke whore favorite Paris Hilton into the mix. It's time for Name that Coke Whore: Lindsay, Paris, or Britney. Let's see how you do:
1) Her father served time for securities fraud
2) Grew up in the Bronx
3) Was in the movie Raising Helen
4) Collaborated with Fat Joe and Jadakiss on a song
5) Appeared on Will and Grace
6) Has a sister named Aliana
7) Was in a girl group called Innosense
8) Hosted 2004 MTV Music Awards
9) Won a Razzie for Worst Actress
10) Was Named Celebrity Role Model of 2006 in a poll conducted by the AP

Young Einstein turns 54 today.

Well, gang, it's just about time to start waiting till next year. Only the Phillies can blow a 3 run lead in the 7th and not have that be the bad news. Yep, Chase Utley's hand is broken, though the Phillies say it's not that bad. Not bad. Kind of like Freddie Garcia's arm, Brett Myers arm, Flash Gordon's arm, etc, etc, etc. He's done for at least a month. Our #2 starter has an ERA of almost 6, and if you asked our bullpen to prevent Lindsay Lohan from joining a convent, they would probably blow it. At this point, you trade Rowand for some decent young arms that you can season for next year; you trade Barajas for a Slim Jim and a bottle of Banker's Club Gin; and you hire out our entire bullpen to dress up as clowns for kid's parties. Anybody else got any ideas or wanna commiserate?

Here's my latest in the Metro, going miniature golfing with Trivia Art. For more photos of me and Trivia Art golfing, click here. Alright, I'm off to the ballpark. Schmitter time! See youse suckas lata.

In a story that has made me happier than anything I have ever heard in my entire life, giant emus are attacking the citizens of South Jersey. If these emus injure two or more Jerseyites, I will erect an emu shrine in my living room.

Huh, word to mother, I'm dangerous
Crazier than a bag of f****** Angel Dust
When I bust my gat m*****f****** take dirt naps
I'm all that and a dime sack, where the paper at? -Biggie Smallz

Gavrilo would be turning 113 today if not for his untimely demise in 1918. Gavrilo, if you're out there listening to this, please take note: you make for an excellent quizzo question.

...could somebody remind me why Michael Vick is the worst person to ever walk the planet and horse racing gets off scott free? Much to her horror, Deibel learned that each year tens of thousands of healthy horses, including thoroughbreds that didn't fare well on the track like Maddie, 0-for-3 with career earnings of $120 racing as Secret Haughway, are bought for a few hundred dollars and slaughtered for meat for human consumption in countries such as France, Belgium, Italy and Japan. Again, I am not standing up for Michael Vick, but I do find it interesting that one type of animal that depends on humans can get killed for not performing and it's no problem, but if another type gets killed, it is a national outrage. It couldn't be the difference in the types of people raising, betting on, and killing the animals. Could it?
RELATED: Thousands of horses killed when they don't run fast enough.

-This from Dan Gross's column yesterday: "Don't ever apologize for being patriotic. F--- 'em," advised country star Toby Keith to fans at his sold-out show at the Tweeter Center Sunday night after closing with the song "Angry American," complete with pyrotechnics. No, Toby, please. F--- you. Patriotism is not overzealous zeal to kill random Middle Easterners in retaliation for a completely different group of Middle Easterners attacking our country. You're an idiot. Here's a spoof of that moronic song by Bill Maher.

-Don't look now, but the Phils pitching staff is starting to come together, and if Durbin can pitch decently and Kendrick can continue to pitch like he is, and Myers returns, and Gordon stays healthy...etc. Anyways, I really hope we don't deal Rowand for some mid-level pitcher (which is all we'll get for him). But what do you guys think of Bourne for Bronson Arroyo? To be honest, unless it involves Barajas, Helms, or Nunez, I hope Gillick stands Pat.
RELATED: Salisbury's column about the Phils and the deadline.

-Did the Founding Fathers write the Constitution to defend us from Presidents like George Bush?

-And finally, some sad news. The Weekly World News, who printed what the mainstream publications were scared to print, is going out of business. To be honest, the quality of the rag had gone way down in recent ears. I was a huge fan in the late 80s and early 90s, but the beauty of it was it's subtlety. It wasn't yet a spoof of itself, so you felt like the reporters really thought that aliens had captured a 42 pound newborn. But lately it had just gotten silly (and expensive). Godspeed, once proud publication. Godspeed.

Well, we made the CBS Evening News for being the murder capital of America last night. 236 murders thus far this year. While Mayor "I-phone" Doolittle certainly deserves some of the blame, it is up to the citizens of Philadelphia to quit waiting on the government to do something and get involved themselves. The reason many of these kids kill is because they have no hope and no mentors. There are a number of programs you can get involved in to help curb the violence. As I have been suggesting all year, the Big Brothers Big Big Sisters Program is an excellent way to mentor a child who has no male role model. The men of Philadelphia are dropping the ball on this (there is a wait list of 1,000 boys), and it has nothing to do with Mayor Street. Some other worthwhile projects include: Reading STARS, where you can help a child improve their literacy. 85% of the children who appear in juvenile court lack reading skills. If you're looking more to donate money than time, how about the Digital Divide Program, which tries to get home computers for low income children. Or you could get involved in the Byron Story Foundation, which helps at-risk youth get their GEDs. If you would like to find other worthwhile causes to help make Philadelphia a better city, please go to Philacares.com. This is not a white problem or a black problem, a rich problem or a poor problem. This is a Philadelphia problem, and if you love this city, then you owe it to Philly to do your part to help solve it. And remember, ALMOST doing something about the problem is the exact same thing as doing nothing about the problem. Get involved!
RELATED: Attytood on how Street was quiet about problem 'til Katie Couric showed up.

Who originally lived in the Beehive House?

-Today is Simon Bolivars birthday. Learn more about South America's biggest hero. Celebrate it by having a Corona tonight at O'Neals quizzo. Oh wait, what? Mexico's not in South...Oh, uh, nevermind about that Corona thing. But still play quizzo.

-Think that all athletes are dog-fighting drug addicts who cheat and lie? They are. We kid, we kid. Actually, a couple of Texans just made a pretty cool deal. When Ahman Green went to the Texans, he wanted #30. The guy wearing #30, Jason Simmons, said that he could have the number...as long as he made a down payment on a house for a single parent. Deal.

-Joe Sixpack is the bearer of some interesting news: Yards Brewery is breaking up. Founder and co-owner Tom Kehoe is splitting with his partners, Bill and Nancy Barton, and will move the 13-year-old brewery to a new, to-be-chosen location...The Bartons will keep Yards' hulking brewing facility in Kensington and begin producing a new brand. The new brand? Gonna be called Meters. God, that was awful. I just don't got it this morning.

-Lindsay Lohan arrested for a DUI, possession of cocaine, and skyjacking a plane and then jumping out over Oregon. Just kidding about the last one...but would you really be THAT shocked if I wasn't?

Over 100 comics competed in this years Philly's Funniest competition at Helium Comedy Club, and when the dust settled, Steve Gerben reigned supreme. His act is hilarious, and on top of that he's a damn nice guy. Anton Shuford finished 2nd, Chip finished 3rd, and Pat Barker finished 4th. I went both Friday and Saturday nights, and the local comedians at both shows were tremendous. The headline guy, Craig Gass, was ok. I'm not a huge fan of blue comedy, so I wasn't crazy about it. I was a little surprised they had a blue comic act as MC for this thing, but he did do some great impressions and I've certainly seen worse. For example, me at Muhlenberg College in 2003.
I'd like to direct you to this portion of the story: The emcee for the night, Pat Kelley, got on stage and started a low-grade stand up routine consisting mainly of crass fart jokes. Next came John Goodtimes who was only slightly better than Kelley, which isn’t saying much.

Yep, that was the night I learned the old comic adage, "Don't do your Hitler joke at Muhlenberg College."

What 1974 movie, which starred OJ Simpson, took place in a fictional skyscraper called the Glass Tower?

The Petronas Twin Towers were the tallest buildings in the world from 1998-2003, when they were overtaken by Taipei 101. In what Southeastern Asian nation will you find the Petronas Towers?

Who released an album in 1988 titled "Skyscraper"?

New York, Chicago, and this "Special Administrative Region" are the three places that most architects agree have the most compelling skylines.

The Empire State Building is the tallest building in NYC. WHat is the 2nd tallest building in NYC?

What building, completed in 1901, is still the world's tallest load bearing masonry structure at 548 feet?

Gonna post pics of last weeks winners on the website. Since there is now a new world's tallest building, we're gonna ask questions about skyscrapers. One guess per person.

Found some pretty interesting stuff about South Philly while tooling around on the internet this weekend.

*First up, here's an article in which Philadelphia legend Mario Lanza (who I featured in a Metro article a couple of months ago) talks about how much he loves his hometown.

*Where did Frank Sinatra like to hang out when he came to Philly? Find out here.

*Here's a brief history of the mob in Philadelphia. The most succesful mob boss in Philadelphia history was Angelo Bruno, who was killed in 1980. His wife passed away last week.

We kick it off on Tuesday, where This Dildo Tastes Funny came from behind in the final round to knock off Dork SIded, 97-93. On to the Bards, where the Narcotyzing Dysfunktion won for the 4th time in 5 weeks to, dare I say it, become the team to beat in Tuesday night quizzo at the Bards. They carried an 11 point lead into the final round and held on to kick the Kingdom, 99-94.

On to Wednesday, where Todd the Wet Sprocket collected the $20 bounty, busting out the Jams, 107-102. Going into the match, the Jams had won an incredible 13 out of 15. But the Sprockets have talked about possibly forming a regular team, so hopefully we'll get a good rivalry going at the Vous.

Had our first double digit win at the Black Sheep, as Duane's World won their 3rd straight match, 106-95, over Yes You Can't. Another win for Duane's World next week and we might be talking bounty. We'll see.

No bounties at the Good Dog, where a mad power struggle continues to play itself out, and there are, incredibly, some open tables. After months of complaints over not being able to get a seat, the last month has been pretty daggone quiet. This week, it was Lady BIrd Lives knocking off Steve O. and the Ketchup Bottle (a team that consisted of Steve O. and a ketchup bottle), 101-87.

On to the Bards, where I was convinced, after question #5 of the impossible round, that the Kingdom was gonna collect their 2nd perfect score ever. I had thought I could stump them on give me first and last names of th eSPice Girls, but they knew them all, and I didn't think my last 5 questions were that tough. But question #7, "WHat Nazi leader parachuted into Scotland in 1942 and spent the next 45 years in prison?" stumped them, and they had to settle for a 114-102 win over Crazy For Swayze. The defending champs, the Hurtin Bombs, finished in 3rdwith a 101.

JGT pal and former Wheel of Terrific co-host Chip CHantry is vying for the role of Philadelphia's funniest man in the annual Philly's Phunniest competition. That picture above is not of Chip, but if you google image Chip, that guy comes up. And I think that the guy above is how I see Chip now: going the distance, the finish line in sight. And wearing a tank top and black short shorts. Two different rounds of comedy tonight. Some really funny guys at both the 8 p.m. and 10:30 p.m. shows at Helium.

I touched on it a bit in my colum in this weeks Metro (column after the jump). Here some historians debate it. Here's a little bit more comprehensive site about the question of his sexuality and about Buchanan in general. Other White House gay rumors? The other big one is Lincoln. Then there is Rose Cleveland. Though not married to a president, she did serve as first lady to her brother until he got married. She then left the White House and carried on a relationship with a widow named Evangeline Simpson. Anyways, click below to read my column on Buchanan, his first love, the rumors about his sexuaity, and his legacy as president.

Remember when George Bush's buddy Ted Haggard would tell his flock about how God hated homosexuals and that they didn't deserve to have rights, all the while he was scoring meth from male hookers and doling out hummers? Irony is fun. Anyway, remember the male prostitute who dimed him out? Yeah, well he hosted a round of quizzo in Denver at one of the bars where my man John (who I did a round for last year) hosted quizzo. And I must warn you: this is a fairly uneasy read, as the questions are very, um, graphic. EXTREMELY GRAPHIC. Don't say I didn't warn you.

-Apparently the EZ Bake Oven has become an incinerator of death and destruction, so it's getting recalled. Wow, and here I thought an oven for two year olds to bake things was a good idea.

-Remember how when you were a kid and you saw those secret rooms on Scooby Doo and totally wished your house had a "secret room"? And then remember how when you got older you wished you could spend all your free time doing drugs with hookers? Well, this guy made both of his dreams come true! If you can believe it, you can achieve it!

-A nuclear reactor in New Jersey leaks some radiation. Tragically, it doesn't kill any Jerseyites.

-As people continue to be justifiably outraged at Michael Vick's crimes against animals, keep in mind that our vice president also enjoys participating in animal cruelty.

I spoke with Kim, who runs the Red Shield Summer Camp, and asked her a few questions about the program and about homelessness in general, so that you'd know where the money you are donating is going:
Kim, please give me the basic details of the program.
The Red Shield Family Residence is a homeless shelter that houses forty-two families. Of an average population of 140 usually 90 are children under the age of eighteen.

I work with the kids who are ages 6-12 years. Before arriving, many of the kids have been subjected to being bounced around from place to place, trauma, food insecurity, and early parentification to younger siblings. The program’s goals are meant to address the needs of the kids to stabilize and have the shelter experience be one that is a positive.

We use many activities to achieve our goals.

Art helps the kids express themselves when they may not have the words to do so. The kids volunteer in the community to allow them the opportunity to realize that they too have something to give and are not the bottom rung of the charity ladder. For example we box food for MANNA to help those living with AIDS. The kids have their own garden, which is used to supply the shelter residents with fresh produce in their diets. This gives them the ability to feel that they are able to contribute to their family needs with kid-grown and kid-cooked dishes, as these are kids who want to have a way to help. This year the kids are being taught photography and we will have a gallery show at the end of the summer. In addition, the kids are participating in Capoeira (Brazilian martial arts/dance). They will be a part of the martial arts community ceremony and be belted.

In addition to art as therapy the kids also are participating in therapy groups and conflict resolution and anger management workshops. Academics are a huge and daily focus of the program as well, as are life skills.

2) How long have you been doing it?
It was five years this past April.

3) Do you think there are any wrong impressions the general public has about the homeless?
Absolutely. Most people think that the homeless and poor are lazy people who don’t want to work. Few consider the broader oppressive structural issues that fuel poverty in this country. We as a society have been trained that if you work you get ahead. Not everyone is offered opportunity or can see beyond the inequality they were born into. My goal is to expose the kids to as many things as possible outside their typical experience as possible. People cannot dream about things they cannot fathom. I want to encourage them to realize there is no goal beyond their abilities.

4) How can the money we raise benefit your program?
We need film, money for field trips, art supplies, everything really. We need so much.

5) What the toughest part of your job? What's the best part of it?
The toughest part is seeing so many kids falling through the cracks. It is hard to see that all kids do not all have the same starting point. It is hard when people don’t treat the kids with respect. In addition, some of the kids have had to deal with so very much, and yet with it all they are so receptive to even the tiniest bit of love, attention and affection.

If you would like to donate your time or money to this program, please contact Kim at kberk7@juno.com.

In the dregs of summer, finally a fun little summer rivalry. Steven Wells, the kind-of-like-Lewis-Black hipster from the Weekly, took another cheap shot at Joey Sweeney, the talented and funny yet seemingly cocky hipster dude from Philebrity who has never returned a single email of mine even when I've asked for assistance in charity related events (Dude, WTF?). Anyways, one thing I do admire about Sweeney is his insistence on coming out swinging when someone takes a shot at him, and he didn't disappoint. My favorite part from the Wells PW column: the gossip blog’s still raking in money from advertisers too dumb to realize they’re associating their product with the hipster equivalent of Benedict Arnold. What? How does one become the hipster equivalent of Benedict Arnold? Go to the gym? Watch a baseball game? Laugh at something for being unironically funny? Stop drinking the High Life? Aw man, generalizations are fun. Anyways, we've needed this. I mean, the Phils are mediocre and we haven't had a good rivalry in this city since Danny Ozark vs. that reporter with granny panties.
Previously: When hipsters attack.

Hey gang, throwing $20 bonus at any team that can knock off the 5 time defending champs the Jams at the Locust Rendezvous tonight.

-Trivia Art talks about Buy Fresh Buy Local.

-Al Gore celebrated his daughter's wedding by Buying Threatened Buying Foreign.

-A column Willie Gee would love! Is ESPN racist?

-Hey, don't look now, but Pat Burrell is calling July his b****. He's batting .520 since July 4th. Now, if we can just teach him how to pitch...

We're going to be raising money for the Red Shield Family Residence. Each year, they have a summer camp for homeless children. They need art supplies for the children and money to help pay for tokens to go on various field trips they are taking this summer. So we're going to help. It costs $1 to play this week, with 100% of the proceeds going to this charity. I'll have more info on the charity shortly.

Not much going on today, but the classics never really go out of style, so how about a little summer short story reading? Here's former Philly resident Edgar Allen Poe's classic, the Cask of Amontillado.

When prison guards killed her husband on July 17, 1762, she gave them promotions. Who was she?

Here are the questons from Friday's quizzo:
Round One
1. Martin Luther King delivered his I have a dream speech on the steps of what monument in DC?
2. Fill in the blank of this old rhyme: apple pie without the ________ is like a kiss w/o a squeeze.
3. What planet is Superman from?
4. In Philly, you'll find famous examples of this type of Americana at 1501 Snyder Avenue, 219 South 17th Street, and at 5th and Spring Garden.
5. This artist and illustrator was often derided for being too sentimental and idealistic, but his later works dealing with racism, including the haunting "The Problem We All Live With", garnered him universal acclaim.
6. WHo played Lieutenet Dan in Forrest Gump?
7. Who composed the following?
8. Who was the winning lawyer in Brown vs. the Board of Education?
9. After bombing onstage at the Grand Ole Opry in 1954 , this truck driver turned musician from Tupelo MIssissippi was told by the Opry manager, "Boy, you'd better keep driving that truck."
10. How long is four score seven years?

Round Two List 10 (of the 14) vice presidents who later went on to become presidents.

Round Three Name that artist or group:
1. Proud to be an AMerican
2. American Woman
3. American Girl
4. Banned in the USA
5. American Pie
6. American Idiot
7. Name the artist and the person who appeared to sing it in the video: I Am a Real American
8. Young Americans
9. Back in the USA
10. American Music

Round Four
1. 1. Joseph Glidden patented this in 1874, and it had changed the landscape of the Wild West by the end of the century. What was it?
2. Who was Secretary of State during Clinton's first term?
3. Jackie Robinson earned four varsity letters in college. What west coast school did he attend?
4. What book was prefaced by the author with the lines: "Persons attempting to find a motive in this narrative will be prosecuted; persons attempting to find a moral in it will be banished; persons attempting to find a plot in it will be shot."
5. What two Sioux leaders crushed Custer in the Battle of Little Bighorn?
6. In 1964, this 63 year old artist became the oldest to ever hit number one on the Billboard charts.
7. This wild west artist didn't produce razors or star in an 80s detective show.
8. The first women's rights convention took place in what town in 1848?
9. After the title, what are the first seven words of the Declaration of Independence?
***10. Of the 42 delegates at the constitutional convention, how many signed it?
a) 37 B) 39 C) 41 D) All of them

-The bowling party on Saturday was a huge success. Well, not for me, but for the guys who put it on, Badminton Stamps and Emily and Lee from Narcotyzing . Nice show, though I was nine pins away from winning a date...again! I was extremely disappointed by my performance and acted like a spoiled rotten child the entire night.

-Steve O. is performing at the Khyber tonight as part of Die Actor Die, Don Montrey's monthly show. Check him out. It's at 8 p.m. and tix are $5 cheap.

-A few quick questions with Bill Maher.

-Philebrity wonders: Is the reason that the media cares so much about the weekends murder of a 14 year old bike rider because it happened near tourist mecca Pat's and Geno's?

-And Bob T. and Darth Ern's hero, Tom Delay, is gonna speak at the Constitution Center tonight. Following his speech, Delay will be sacrificing live puppies.

It took overtime, but the Hurtin' Bombs knocked off the Champs at the first ever Quizzo at the Constitution Center. It was an interesting quizzo, as the booming acoustics of the building rendered the mic needless, and the life sized bronze statues of the Founding Fathers looked on from a nearby room. There were a few things that worked out great, a few things we need to tweak (if the weather's that nice again, we gotta do it outside!), but for the most part it went pretty well. A crowd of about 45, which wasn't bad considering the fact that there was no time to advertise anywhere besides my website and that most of the regulars couldn't make it (No Kingdom, no Minions, no Duane's World, no Jams, though Darth Ern put up a damn impressive 83 playing by himself.) We'll do it again on August 3rd, and it'll be even bigger and even better. I'll post the Constitution quizzo questions shortly.

I was at the historic game and it was, well, really not that fun. I mean, baseball games are always fun in a certain sense, because they are a good excuse to spend a little QT with your peoples. But the action on the field was terrible, and it was humid enough that the crowd didn't really seem to get excited about the 10,000 losses And to be honest, it was one of the most pathetic performances I've ever seen this team give on the field. It was the first time I've ever left a baseball game before the final out. With it 10-0 in the 7th, after the Cards 6th home run, I couldn't stomach anymore. However, I do think it's worth noting that the following people were part of the 10,000th loss: Jose Mesa, who pitched a perfect inning. Scott Rolen, who still gets booed loudly every time he bats. And home plate umpire Jim Wolf, who is Randy Wolf's brother, called balls and strikes for the 10,000th. And for the first time probably ever, a used Phillies ticket will be worth something on ebay. Final little fun fact: The Phillies 10,000th loss was the first Phillies loss in Lucia Marie's life. It's been reported that she cried and cried all night long after the loss.
RELATED: My column in the Metro about 10,000.

Feldman's marriage to his second wife was officiated by this rapper turned minister in 2002.

What movie did Corey Feldman co-star with Tom Hanks and Carrie Fisher?

In what movie did Corey play Mouth Devereaux?

Corey and River both starred in Stand by Me. Can you name the guys who played their two best friends in the movie?

Corey was briefly married to hottie Vanessa Marcil. What popular show does she currently star in?

In what movie, directed by Joe Dante, did Corey Feldman play a character named Pete Fountaine?

Under the pics of last weeks winners I will supply a question about the July 16th birthday boy: Corey Feldman! One guess per person. No cheating!

The week started on Monday with the birth of my 8 pound, 20 inch niece, Lucia Marie Sullivan. I smoked a celebratory cigar with my dad and brother in law on Tuesday morning, then drove back to Philly to get the quizzo week under way. Let's face it, the questions on Tuesday and Wednesday were as tough as I have ever asked, and scores were pretty low. But before we get to quizzo, I gotta make sure that those of you who haven't already read about Willie Gee getting fired at the thrift store do so, and read the ensuing comments section, as numerous people from the Eastern Shore challenge Palestra Jon to a fight.

We got back in the swing of things tuesday night, as the Young, the Old, and the Restless scored a 92 to cruise past the competition at O'Neals, and the Sofa Kingdom finally ended their longest schneid ever, winning for the first time in over a month with an easy 95-80 win over Narkotyzing.

LadyBird Has Flown the Coop (aka the Jams) knocked off Steve O and D-Macs team, Easy Round My Ass, 88-82, at the Vous. It was the Jams 5th straight win. I feel a bounty coming on. Duane's World posted a 96-90 win over Toxic Megacolon at the Black Sheep.

A strange night at the Good Dog. We had a nice sized crowd, but I don't know if I recognized a single player. A lot of new blood at the Dawg, and Nazakhstan came away with a 92-88 win over Salt 'N' Pepa.

On to the Bards, where the Hurtin Bombs missed 2 of the first 6 questions and then did not miss another one to knock off the Kingdom, 116-101. My ex-girlfriends team (The Birfday Squad) finished 4th with 91. We also saw our lowest score of the week, a 33 by I'd Rather Be Drinking at Drinker's. Pics of winners, toughest questions of the week, and results of Constitution quizzo coming Monday.

Will get the Week in Review done manana. Gotta get to work on this American quiz at the Constitution Center. Again, the details are: Exclusive tour at 6 p.m., quizzo at 6:30 p.m. It will be a quizzo with lots of Americana and such. It does cost $12 to get into the museum but after that the quizzo is free. They will be selling booze and light snacks. Each member of the winning team will walk with a $20 gift certificate to the Stephen Starr restaurant of their choice. 2nd place gets free movie passes to the Ritz 5. We'll be done around 8-8:30ish. Hope to see ya there!

-Have you heard about ghost riding the whip? I highly encourage you all to ghost ride the whip yourselves, just to see what it's like. I particularly think Darth Ern will enjoy it. What could go wrong?

-15 worst music ideas ever. Me performing "Flashdance" at Quizzo Bowl 3 did not make the cut, surprisingly.

-Did you know that there were porno games made for the Atari 2600? Did you know that one of them was called "Custer's Revenge", in which a visibly aroused Custer dodges arrows to have sex with a Native American woman tied to a cactus? Should I repeat the second half of that last sentence? "A visibly aroused Custer dodges arrows to have sex with a Native AMerican woman tied to a cactus." Thank you.

-The worst baseball trades of all time.

The first of the three US History quizzos I'll be hosting at the National Constitution Center will be tommorrow night at 6:30 p.m. It should be a lot of fun. You have to pay the regular fee to get into the museum, but the quizzo is free. Each member of the winning team is gonna get a $20 gift certificate to the Stephen Starr restaurant of their choice (team size max is 8), and 2nd place will get free movie passes to the Ritz 5. Not too shabby. Here is the press release:
JOHNNY GOODTIMES TO HOST THREE QUIZZOS AT NATIONAL CONSTITUTION CENTER

(Philadelphia) - Philadelphia's only true man of leisure will be taking time out from his life of idle tranquility to host three U.S. history themed quizzos as part of the Happy Hour With the Founders event at the National Constitution Center (525 Arch Street), with the first quizzo occurring on Friday the 13th of July. The quizzo is part of the Historic Philadelphia Nights series, as the Constitution Center will be staying open until 8 p.m. on Fridays and Saturdays on most weekends of the summer to offer dance lessons, exclusive tours, and bands in addition to quizzo.

Goodtimes, who has performed at the Palestra and the Franklin Institute in the past, is particularly excited about this one. "I am a big US history buff, and am looking forward to challenging the good people of the most historic city in the United States to quizzos that will cover all aspects of the American experience, from Presidents to athletes to rock stars." There are rumors that Goodtimes will be dressing himself in colonial garb for the events, but Goodtimes says that these are just "Scandalous lies perpetrated by my enemies."

The Historic Summer Nights series begins on July 13, at 5 p.m. At 6:00 p.m.and 7:00 p.m., the Center will be offering a scandalous "Lurid Lives of the Founders" tour , which will let you know which of the Founding Fathers were lovers, gamblers, and schemers. Quizzo will begin at 6:30 p.m., shortly after conclusion of the 6:00 p.m. tour of "Scandalous Lives". Quizzo and the "Lurid Lives" tour are free with regular Museum admission. For more information, go to www.johnnygoodtimes.com or call Johnny at (215) 327-4191.

-Miss New Jersey released those blackmail photos this morning and, are you ready for this, they include one dude squeezing her boobs, one guy biting her boob, and her kissing another guy!!! OMG, that is like so grounds for, like, whatever. That whore! I thought she only loved me!

-You know how I did that thing on Lawchair Larry last week for the Metro? Well, I have an unbelievable update. A guy in Oregon went up in a lawnchair last week, though he got the proper permits, etc.

-Not to self: If involved in an elaborate plan to rob a bank, do NOT allow the other robbers to tie a time bomb around your neck. There is a chance it could end badly. I think I smell a Darwin Award winer.

-From Dan Gross's column, I learned that Stephon Marbury will be promoting his new sneakers tomorrow at the Franklin Mills Mall. I have become quite a Marbury fan in the last year due to his attempts to make affordable shoes "kool" and stop the senseless mindset that somone needs a $180 pair of shoes to succeed in basketball or be popular. I blasted Lebron "Shill" James for his ignorant statements about those shoes a couple of months ago.

The Bush administration hates the Special Olympics, says the former Surgeon General. From the NY Times article: And administration officials even discouraged him (the Surgeon General) from attending the Special Olympics because, he said, of that charitable organization’s longtime ties to a “prominent family” that he refused to name.
“I was specifically told by a senior person, ‘Why would you want to help those people?’ ” Dr. Carmona said.
The Special Olympics is one of the nation’s premier charitable organizations to benefit disabled people, and the Kennedys have long been deeply involved in it.

I hate the Special Olympics too, but that's because the "Everyone's a winner" theme is too reminiscent of a communist force we worked so hard to overthrow. And you know how I hate communists.

While looking at his wiki entry, I came across the following incredible photo of him hanging with his bud John Bromfield, who had his initials monogrammed on his tighty whiteys right next to his unit while talking on the phone with a young and dare I say nieve Tab Hunter listening in. Challenges "Raising the Flag at Iwo Jima" as greatest photo ever. I'm going to monogram my tighty whiteys right now. And oh by the way, I would like to remark on what a dumbass I am, b/c for a while I thought Tab Hunter was the star of Hunter.

-Trivia Art tells us how to celebrate the French tearing the heads off rich people in the 1790s in his weekly Metro column.

-Philadelphia Weekly blogger, quizzo regular, and all around swell guy D-Mac posts a column about Barbaro that is somewhat amusing, but not nearly amusing as the comments that follow from outraged Barbaro fans. "The echoes of the benefits for all horses brought about by this horse will reverberate for decades." is a good one, which was quickly answered by, "just what are the benefits of this horse that will go on for decades? Glue only lasts a few years before its all used up." Which was followed by, "I feel sorry for you that you can't comprehend the power of love." This is one of the awesomest comment threads I've ever read.

-Over/under on pics of my niece on this website before the end of the year: 734.

-Somehow I missed this like two weeks ago. (Fair is fair, I came across this in a roundabout way via Philebrity.)

As you may or may not know, my 2nd favorite Founding Father other than Thomas Jefferson is the vice president that he despised, Aaron Burr. And every year, the celebration of Burr's victory over Alex Hamilton gets me all giddy, b/c Hamilton was a cocky jackass, although I think modern America is much closer to his vision than Jefferson's. Anyways, Burr has been relegated to one hit wonder status, which is unfair and unfortunate. It's like Buckner. He got almost 3,000 hits and all people remember is that stupid ball between the legs. He was a hero of the Revolutionary War (Burr, not Buckner), though he totally got screwed by Washington (Buckner got screwed by manager John McNamara, who should have replaced him with Dave Stapleton). Burr was a politician's politician, who, after agreeing to run as a vice-presidential candidate with Jefferson, decided to wait around and see if the House elected him President when a snag in the system gave them an electoral tie. After shooting Hamilton, he moved out west, where Jefferson claimed he was starting an insurrection. It has never been fully determined what he was doing out west, but despite being hated by nearly everyone in the US for shooting Hamilton, his shrewd lawyer skills got him acquitted of treason. He then bandied about Europe as essentially a gypsy, crashing on the couches of friends until they got sick of him, then moving ot the next country and next friend. I think many of us can relate (to the crashing friends couches, not the shooting someone and being charged with treason.) Finally, he returned to the US, where he became an extremely succesful lawyer. But let's face it, the highlight of his career was the duel. Here's some good duel stuff to get you through the day:
*The 411 on the 187.
*ESPN's coverage of the duel. Pretty funny.
*Letters exchanged between Hamilton and Burr before becoming college roomates.
*Read what the seconds and the attending physician said about the event.

Dan Gross just gave free publicity to some guy for being a complete and total douchebag. One of my favorite comedians, Jon Lovitz, was performing, and this guy starting heckling him. Needless to say, I hate hecklers almost as much as evildoers hate freedom. Here's the report:
Port Richmond's Mike Phillips says he was "just having a good time" at the Borgata Friday, when he heckled comedian Jon Lovitz, who was performing at the Atlantic City hot spot. Phillips, 30, first made a reference to an old Chris Farley "SNL" sketch, which Lovitz didn't appreciate, and the pair exchanged words intermittently throughout Lovitz's set. Phillips, a beer vendor by day, returns to the airwaves of WNJC (1360-AM) on July 19 for the Party Zone with Mike Phillips. He'll host from 9 to 10 p.m. Thursdays. It can also be heard at wnjc1360.com. Phillips will have his schedule of guests at myspace.com/radio star2007.

Hey Mike: there's a reason that Lovitz is playing the Borgota and you're hosting "The Party Zone" on 1360 am, you hack jackass (Full disclosure: I used to host a show on 1360 AM). Dan Gross's column is one of my guilty pleasures, but I think it sends a pretty poor message that all you have to do to earn some free pub is to heckle a famous comedian.

In what state did the Negro Leagues Baseball Museum open in 1997?

Worry not, sports fans. Willie's job on the website has never been safer, but things at the thrift store he was working at didn't go so well. As you know, he has had several run-ins with employers in the past, and there was an "altercation" on friday that led to his dismissal. I'll let him tell you what went down:
As far as the job went, I liked it all right, but it was always really busy, which was beginning to wear on me. Being on the register sucked, which is where I had the altercation with the customer. I've worked at a mall during Christmas and it wasnt nearly that bad. Then, when I wasn't on the register I liked it a lot better, but I had to bend down a lot to pick stuff up and it was really bothering my back. Between that and playing sports at night, something had to go and I guess this was it. A lot of customers were pains in the asses, although most of the people I worked with were cool (except the one manager who fired me, I think we were on a collision course). I don't know where these customers get off being so demanding. I'm not comfortable being that way, and the reception has never been warm when I have been. I think the lady at the register did have it coming, but I also feel as if I overreacted a little or at least lost my head a little. She decided she didn't want the items that she had purchased because of my attitude, so I had to call in a manager to void the transaction (which made embezzlement pretty difficult). So, she started telling the manager all this bullshit so I made a pretty mean gesture (the "finger across the throat" slit motion) at her with little regard for who was looking, and the manager caught me. I was then terminated. I left pretty willingly, but then came back later in the day to drop off a letter regarding the incident and to pay someone the $2 I owed them. When that happened, this cop that gets paid to watch the place said I couldn't come in there and was giving me some problems, so I called him a pig on my way out. It was quite a day.

Wow. Here is the clip CNN did about his movie that got him so fired up.

I became an uncle for the first time at 2:00 p.m. today, as my sister had an 8 lb. baby girl named Lucia Marie Sullivan. Here are some photos of the babies first hours!

In case you hadn't heard, I'm gonna be hosting a Constitutional Quizzo at the Constitution Center on Friday night. All questions will have a US history theme, though you know if you've been to a quizzo at the Franklin Institute, I take themes such as "US History" very loosely. The Center will be open after hours (from 5-8 p.m.) with quizzo kicking off around 6 p.m. I know that you all are a bunch of boozehounds, so let me start by saying, "Yes, there will be alcohol". Regular admission includes access to the museum and the Freedom Rising multimedia show (which, if you haven't seen it, is an absolute must see). There will also be special tours of Signer's Hall (that crazy room with the life sized statues of the signers of the Constitution) in which you will learn lurid details of the lives of some of the signers (It will make you feel like less of a sketchball when you find out that the guys who created this country were a bit shady themselves. At least, that's the way I look at it.) I will have more details on Wednesday.

-This from Dan Gross's column: Actor/singer Frank Stallone, younger brother of some guy named Sylvester, signs autographs at 2 p.m. Thursday at Fresco Pizza Grill (228 South Newtown) at the Shops at Springton Pointe, in Newtown Square. That's right, gang! This is your chance to get an autograph from the man who played Grady Purella in Outlaw Force!

-Happy Millard Fillmore Day! It was on this date in 1850 that Fillmore killed Zachary Taylor with cherries and cabbage and then took over as president. Millard "The Nourishment is Palatable" Fillmore went on to be our GREATEST PRESIDENT EVER (at least until G.W. Bush took office.)

-The Phillies receive their first standing ovation of the season...when they help secure a tarp. Sadly, Rod Barajas did not get trapped under the tarpaulin.

-Baby expected this afternoon. I'll have photos ASAP.

No stories since I wasn't there, but here were the scores from last week:
TUESDAY
Dork Sided overcame Cornbread Mafia, 83-76.
Two Step Hustle and Flow edged Narcotyzing Dysfunktion, 90-89.

WEDNESDAY
Duane's Wold wins a squeaker, 81-79.

THURSDAY
C+ Average defeats Lovely Lady Lumps at Good Dog, 69-58.
Hurtin Bombs knocked off Sofa Kingdom, 95-91.

Well gang, the Sinking Ship known as the Philadelphia Phillies are going for 10,000 losses in the midst of a major slump (their 3,468th major slump all-time, also a league record). The question is, will my sisters baby get to witness this monumental piece of history? My sister is going to have a C-section tomorrow (the baby is now 2 weeks late, though the baby and my sister and the baby are both doing well). I will be staying until Tuesday, but will make it back for quizzo Tuesday night. Moving from babies to losers: The Phils are a mess, and the only drama surrounding this team other than 10,000 losses right now is this: will they keep Chris Coste when Jayson Werth returns? If they drop Coste again, I will refuse to follow this team anymore, because I will be convinced that the GM is sabotaging this team. It is obvious that Charlie and the pitching staff want him to stay. Check out this quote from Cole Hamels: "He's got a great catching IQ. He's so aware of what the pitcher has, what [the pitcher] is thinking and what the hitter might be thinking. On top of that, he puts up a great target. The way he catches it, he makes it look pretty."

Hamels and Charlie aren't the only ones who want him to stay. You can throw in pretty much any person who has watched Rod Barajas catch for more than an inning or bat more than zero times. And count in Mike Radano at the Camden Courier Post (who, incidentally, I used to hang out with every day when I was an intern with the Camden Riversharks and he was their beat writer.) And finally, when the Phils do lose 10,000, I hope the pitcher of record is Jose Mesa. That would be the storybook ending.

Wow, we haven't heard from ol' Ginger in quite a while. Seems she was inspired by some dining she did on the 4th and wants to talk about it. Here goes:
I grew up always hearing about the fireworks spectacular on the Fourth of July. I am not a big fireworks person in general, but there wasn't anything too spectacular about the Fireworks this year. It literally rained on our parade and if I didn't have a bottomless keg of Yards to drink, I would have been even more disappointed. Hall and Oates sounded decent, but Darryl looked a bit cracked out. I am not certain if this is a result of his diagnosed lyme disease, but he was a bit buggy.

Here's the latest from your favorite sports writer. Willie reveals his ten favorite athletes of all-time. His #6 is downright hilarious.
Every athlete who finds his name on this list should be truly honored to be among such elite company. This is a top 10 list of the athletes who have brought me the most enjoyment and happiness throughout the course of my life. I may not even like some of the athletes on this list that much at the moment, but this list is a reflection of the journey of Willie G the sports fan. The lists go as follows:
1) Dennis Rodman-I was a huge Rodman fan. Talk about a rebel without a clue! I first remember Dennis as a shy young man in his Pistons days, but when you really looked at him you could tell he was crazy even then. I always loved his energy out there. However, I really began to take notice of him while he played for the Spurs. That is when he really came into his own. As a sports entertainment personality, Rodman was bigger than life. I loved the fact that he was a rebounding specialist. He pulled down like 17 boards a game, but he did not even want to score, which he said in his book. Something else I vividly remember him saying in his first book (and only one I read, although A Walk On the Wild Side sounded interesting also), “Greg Popovic can kiss my ass!” At the time I was reading it, I was like “Okay,” but I have always hated Greg Popovic partially as a result of that. I get the impression Pop ran the Worm out of San Antonio because he had too much of a personality. Sadly, his career remains incomplete because he never got to play his last game naked.

*Looks like things are gonna get real interesting at Reading Terminal Market. Rick's Prince of Steaks is getting kicked out and Tony Luke's is coming in. And Rick isn't exactly pleased, saying that he's getting the boot in retaliation for always sticking up for his fellow vendors. His lawyer says that Rick will refuse to move out at the end of the month. This is gonna be fun to watch.

*Have you checked out the Foobooz "Philly Mag Best Of..." Map? Trivia Art really shows what a computer he nerd he is by putting this thing together, but it is pretty damn cool.

*The dude from Philafoodie goes to a giant foie gras farm (Ok, so it's technically a duck farm) and discovers that it's really not that bad. In fact, not nearly as bad as the protesters who are going over the line to protest it. Very interesting and informative article. Of course, someone used the comment section to leave a fairly well written rebuttal. The debate continues. Having worked with animals in the past in a controversial environment, I will say this: If you are going to do story on a controversial animal treatment, you can't just take the company at its word. In the captive dolphin environment, there was a massive propaganda campaign that was used on the public and the press, much of it true and some of it not true. To do a comprehensive story on it, you do have to dig a little deeper than what that camp would want you to know.

Just in case you missed it yesterday, here's the legend of Lawn Chair Larry. I think this is what being an American is all about.

A thrilling race in my native Nassawadox (population 572) on the morning of July 4th. I had a little much to drink the night before, and didn't get much sleep, but that's when I race my best. The bets were as follows: $20 on whether I could do the 2.5 mile race in under 21 minutes, and $5 each on the two girls (above, with my gambling buddies dad). I started slow, but that's how I always start. With just over a half mile to run, I made my move, and found myself catching my buddy Gerald, a small forward on my high school b-ball team. We turned the corner neck and neck and headed down the homestretch. With about 100 yards to go, I tried to put it in overdrive. Bad move. Gerald was a track star in high school, and looks exactly the same now as he did then. He blew by me and beat me by about fifteen feet. However, that little burst at the end brought me in at 20:50, and I won the $30, though my buddy Frank says he needs to make some phone calls before he gives me the money.And the postscript: I am gonna be on Ibuprofrin for th erest of the day. I can barely move.

My sister's due date was June 27, but most people were betting that she wouldn't make it that long. But here we are on July 5, and still no baby. I'll keep ya updated.

More on this as it develops, but I just wanted to let you all know that I will be hosting a U.S. History quizzo at the Constitution Center next Friday, July 13. Yeah, a first ever quizzo at an esteemed local institution on Friday the 13th. What could go wrong? There will be a lot more details in the coming days, but be sure to mark your calendars.

It's beautiful outside, and I'm sitting here coming up with questions for quizzo. It's a damn shame. Anyway, here's a few worthless nuggets to get you through the day:

*Want to hear the worst voice ever? Here is former Philly resident Florence Jenkins's Myspace page (she's apparently still going strong at age 139), where you can hear her sing. Here is her wiki entry.

*Men are struck by lightning four times as often as women.

*Read about Poon Lim, who survived at sea by himself for 133 days.

*Do you know what a funambulist is?

We've got another fun "bonus quizzo" coming up in the near future. This is gonna be really cool. Details coming manana, on the 4th of July. Also coming manana will be my 5K race, the Brownsville Fun Run. I will be running for the first time since the mid 90s, and am sure to do terribly. I have not run 5K in probably 10 years, but I ran this race every year from 1983 until the mid 90s, so since I'm home I'm gonna run it for old times sake. Plus one of my buddies girlfriends, who is a runner, is racing and my friends have all bet on her beating me. I will not let that happen. Details coming after the race.

You can only play one place this week. I'm "on a vacation from my problems" (name that movie), so I ain't gonna be coming up with a million questions.
UPDATE: Actually, if you're jonesing, you may play Mike's quizzo at the Black Sheep on Wednesday night and one of the others on Tuesday or Thursday. His questions will be completely different, and to be honest, a bit more difficult.

OK, this is gonna be a tough one to find out. Might have to do more research than usual: At what no longer standing tavern, on 4th and Chestnut, did Jefferson stay while he was writing the Declaration of Independence, before he moved over to the Graff House?

Ladies and gentlemen, this is what the holiday is all about. (Not only safe for work, but your boss will be so impressed by your rampant patriotism that he will probably give you a raise, so play it often and play it loud.)

I made a remark on Beerleaguer a few days ago that watching Ryan Howard was like watching The Natural: every at bat is either a home run or a strikeout. Well, the stats bear me out, though he does mix in a walk every now and again. In the past year, Howard has had three games in which he had four strikeouts and a home run. No player in the last 50 years has had three games like that in a career.

Alright, I am kicking it from Virginia's Eastern Shore. Went out to the beach yesterday with my extremely pregnant sister (with her husband and her dog, below). I am here b/c she is expecting a baby in the next couple of days. I'll keep you updated. Anyways, quizzo as usual this week, except for the Rendezvous. Jam Master Sean will be hosting on Tuesday and Thursday, and MIke Minion will be hosting his own special quizzo at the Black Sheep on Wednesday. In other words, yes, we will be having 4th of July Quizzo at the Black Sheep, but 4th of July quizzo is cancelled at the Rendezvous.

Ok, end on a tough one: What #1 hit was sung by Staff Sergeant Barry Sadler in 1966?

Who performed the Star Spangled Banner at Woodstock?

What wrestler had a hit when he sang, "I am a real American, fight for the rights of every man"? (Actually, I don't think it was him singing, but they made it look like it.)

The Flyers seemed to always win when this person sang "God Bless America" before their games in the 1970s.

What CHeech and Chong song was a parody of Born in the USA?

Who originally sang "Coming to America"?

Alright, I'm gonna post pics of last weeks winners and under them I'm gonna ask questions about patriotic songs. One guess per person. No cheating.

I know I've mentioned this before, but it bears repeating. It was on this date 25 years ago that Lawnchair Larry flew 16,000 feet up in the air with nothing more than a lawnchair and some helium balloons. He got a little nervous and called in a Mayday on his CB before shooting out some of the ballons with a BB gun he had brought along. He then began drifting slowly back to earth.