June 2007 Archives

Alright, I gotta get crackin so I can make it to the Phils day game. Let's start at O'Neals, where we had the same top two for the 2nd straight week. Dork Sided knocked off the Cracked Eggheads, 105-91. The Dorks have supplanted The Young the Old and the Restless as the team to beat at O'Neals, with 5 wins in the last 7 weeks.

On to the Bards, where the Narcotyzing Dysfunktion dominated the last couple weeks. But this week looked like it might be different, with the Sofa Kingdom returning from a two week vacation. Not so much. The Kingdom entered the 4th quarter up one, but the Dysfunktional blew by them in crunchtime and came away with a 105-86 win.

The Jams won at the Vous for the 4th straight week, despite going into the final round down 12. But El Train and the Criminalistics, who had a big lead after round three, exhibited one of the most astonishing meltdowns in modern history, getting only one question right in the final round and going from up 12 to losing by 28. Trust Us We Know finished 2nd.

Sorry Guys, Hannah's Off the Market (aka the River of Rocks) came from 2 back to slide past the Satan's Minions, 99-93. It was the 7th different team to win at the Black Sheep in the last 8 weeks.

A very weird hursday night at the Good Dog, which had a brownout shortly before kickoff. A few brave souls decided to withstand the humidity and stay for the first ever JGT Unplugged. It was kind of fun. In the end, it was John, Paul, George and Ringo holding off Armenia...A Solar Powered Country (aka Steve O.), 85-80.

And a spectacular finish to the week, as the Hurtin Bombs caught fire, and headed into the last question with a perfect score. The question: "Which two Vice Presidents served less than 6 weeks in office?" They answered John Tyler and Rufus King. The correct answers? John Tyler and...Andrew Johnson. Rufus King served 45 days in office, three days more than 6 weeks. The Bombs missed a perfect score by three lousy days. This Burrito is Delicious finshed 2nd with 106 points, the Kingdom finished 3rd with 103, and the 2 time Defending Champs Bob Ross... finished 4th with 92.

And to finish it all off, here's a little bit of info about Levis' Hot Dogs.

For some reason, Pat Gillick has it in for Chris Coste. The real life Rocky who gave the Phillies amazing at bats in their late season run last year was brushed aside so that the Phillies could pay $2 million on a catcher who is, without question, the worst at his position in baseball. Then, Coste came up a couple of months ago when Ryan Howard went down. He gave the Phillies some solid at bats, then was unceremoniously dumped to Reading. So what will happen now that Werth is on the DL and Coste has been called up? He will probably hit .333, throw out a few runners, and then be sent back to Reading so that Barajas can hit .209, not throw anybody out, and have runners slide through his legs. It makes perfect sense.

The Mayor is spending his workday waiting in line for an iPhone. And who can blame him? It's not like we are leading the country in murder, so if we he wants to spend a day just lounging around in line , why not? Crisis? What crisis?

Lots of Phillies stuff to talk about. Our dreadful bullpen blew it again last night. I am no longer on the Charlie-hater bandwagon. I have decided to devote all of my energy to the Pat Gillick hater bandwagon. For him to pretend like we didn't need bullpen help desperately, and instead spend his extra money on the worst catcher in baseball and the worst 3rd baseman in baseball is absolutely pathetic. I don't get mad at Charlie most of the time when it comes to pulling pitchers anymore b/c he is always facing a double edged sword: tired starter or dreadful bullpen? And that is entirely Gillick's fault. And he refuses to actually work to find a young guy with potential in somebodies pen and make a trade. Why bother, when you can just pick up Jose Mesa?

*Bill Conlin today says Charlie is to be commended for the job he's done thus far.

*My man D-Mac has a cover story about 10,000 losses. Good article, especially the opening.

*Sports Illustrated gives us the lovable loser treatment in their handling of the 10,000 losses. You have to read some of the great Phillie quotes over the years. Hilarious.

In this weeks column, I wrote about some fun Philadelphia facts. Please list some of your favorite Philly facts below.

First, I played with some of the Satan's Minions at Nodding Head on Sunday. Irish John was hosting. He seems to be a bit mellower than he used to be. First time I've ever played his quizzo where he didn't tell a single person, "Shut the **** up, you stupid ****." (To be honest, I was a little disappointed. The highlight of his quizzo is always when he gets really pissed.) The quiz was pretty good. More minutiae than mine, I think. I couldn't really help all that much. He doesn't really ever venture into my wheelhouse, which is US history and sports. We won though, pretty easily, at least partly because Mike of the Minions is the King of Minutiae. The next night I went with D-Mac and a few of the Chin Omelettes over to New Deck. (We were gonna play Dark Horse but DH John got sick.) Not a bad quiz, pretty good mix of questions. The New Deck isn't my favorite bar in the world, and the food was so-so, but the food and drinks were pretty cheap. We lost to the Sofa Kingdom by 3 points, and finished out of the money. I still like Dark Horse quizzo better than either of these quizzos, but they were perfectly good.

Palestra Jon wasn't so lucky. He played out in the burbs. Here were his thoughts: I went out to check out some suburban Quizzo at Iron Hill Brewery in Media. Nice place. Bad Quizzo. 5 rounds. ...ALL POP CULTURE, straight out of trivia book. A numerical question 11 to each round, almost impossible (how many pounds of meat can a wolf eat at one sitting---20). To show how bad this crowd is, they asked only one general knowledge question out of 50---In what war was the Battle of the Bulge---only 1/3 of the teams got that right. On the good side, $3 homemade microbrews and cheap appetizers.

Finally, the Satan's Minions took a field trip to Kildare's last night for their award winning quizzo. They said that it was ok, but there were several major problems. First of all, length. Three and a half hours long. Then, all the questions were worth one point apiece, except for one question, which was worth ten. That question? "What Kildare's bartender was named Best Of Philly by Philly Style Magazine?" Teams could also joker that round, so if they knew the bartender, they could get 20 points for knowing it. This question took place in the first round, so anyone who didn't know it essentially lost after round one, because they had to work out of a 30+ point hole. There were six rounds, all with topics. They were: 2 audio rounds, Cartoons, Animal House, Headlines, and Advertising Slogans. There were no history, gegraphy, science, or politics questions. According to Mike, "I think they had to keep all the questions pop culture related, or they would have upset the crowd, which consisted entirely of idiot drunken frat boys." The quizzo also featured a chugging contest (which, I have to admit, is kind of a fun idea.)

Anybody out there played any good or bad quizzos lately? Let us know what you recommend (and which ones we should stay away from) below.

Jonesing for some trivia and can't wait 'til tonigh? In that case, take this Global IQ test from Newsweek.

Chiggity Check Yourself Before you wreck yourself (Clean version). Here's an interiew with Das EFX where they talk about an album that is expected to be released early next year, and here they are on MySpace.

-Margate Lucy is getting a makeover. Wow, has it really been over three years since I hung out inside of Lucy?

-Internet radio is on hiatus today in protest of a recent ruling that caused royalty rates to skyrocket. I knew this online digital music thing was just a fad. I'm gonna make a fortune selling all the cassettes I've been hoarding the past few years!

-The shocking murder/suicide of Chris Benoit and his family may have had something to do with steroids, not surprisingly. The number of pro wrestlers who die before they turn 50 is staggering.

-Happy birthday to Willie's favorite player Michael Vick. I heard that for his birthday he got a new puppy!

This week, we honor fallen hot dog eating legend Kobayashi: What famous hot dog stand stood on 6th Street between Lombard and South for over 95 years? (Incidentally, in the same building I lived in when I first moved to Philly.)

This week, Willie lets you know who his ten favorite current athletes are and, as a special treat, has a message for dog owners!

Top 10 favorite athletes right now
Jeremy Shockey-How can you not love Shock-dog? This guy is everything a professional football player should be. Many people think that this guy is an idiot and any opinion he has on anything should be ignored. Those people obviously have no respect for an athlete who leaves it all on the field. I love Shockey because he keeps us entertained and he always lets you know how he is feeling. Shockey is the perfect combination of old school and new school, and you will not find a tougher player. He may get hurt a lot, but that does not stop him from delivering (that is, when Eli decides to throw him the ball). Last year when the Giants were tanking away their season Shockey broke his finger catching a ball in warm-ups. It was bleeding because the bone was poking through the skin. When asked if he wanted the trainers to tape it up, Shockey stated, “I don’t care if you have to cut it off, I’m playing.” How can you not love that?

Michael Vick-This should come as no surprise to those who read my last column. However, I hope it does not raise questions about the credibility of my opinion regarding the dog fighting case, because my opinion of him has little if anything to do with my feelings regarding that matter. I have absolutely loved Vick since the first time I saw him play for Virginia Tech. I have always loved running quarterbacks. I grew up watching Randall Cunningham and was a huge Tommie Frazier fan when he played for Nebraska. I said from the beginning that Vick has what it takes to revolutionize the game of football and redefine the quarterback position. That opinion has not wavered. Unfortunately, he keeps having coaches that try to make him into something that he is not and put him in offenses where he is uncomfortable. I think he is the best quarterback in the league right now. It is not his fault that his receivers drop all those passes. If the Falcons would just let him do his thing, he could be the champion of the world, but unfortunately the NFL hopes to bring him down before that can happen.

This actor played Chris on Another World, then later tore his Achilles heel while playing Achilles.

She made her tv debut on Another World at the age of 16, and is now the director of The Closer and is married to a famous Philly native.

This actor appeared briefly on Another World before moving to prime time soaps and then to film classic "8 Seconds."

He played Joey Perrini on Another World before playing Henry Hill in one of the greatest films ever made.

Before playing the same character for 20 years, he played Dr. Canard on Another World.

THis Academy Award winning actor got his start on Another World and, at about the same time, starred as Easy Reader on Electric Company.

It was on this date in 1999 that the soap opera Another World went off the air. During its 35 year run, a remarkable who's who of future Hollywood talent appeared on the show before catching their big breaks. I'll ask a question about a future star who appeared on Another World under the photos of last weeks winners.

Das Efx is one of my favorite groups of all time, and their first album is in my top 5 hip hop albums ever. They are certainly one of the most underrated. They completely changed the rap game in the early 90s with their insane iggedy metaphors and 1970s and 80s pop culture references. The lyrics on their first album were incredible. The following is from the song "East Coast":
Yo I'm back, black, heavens-to-Betsy, time to get loose
I took a bite outta crime, washed it down with some juice
I'm not the New Kids, but I'm knockin blocks off, sonny
Yep I rock like the Stones plus I'm rollin in the money
So diggity-ask about, I know you digs me like a shovel
I kick straps for sport cos I'm short like Barney Rubble
Check the slang, boogity-bang, umm, I goes berserk
when I flex like Popeye, I fight like Cap' Kirk
So bozo, I'm knockin em out the box by the pair
I'm high strung, my tongue got moves like Fred Astaire

Unfortunately, everybody stole their style, so then they tried to go "gangsta", which wasn't their their strength, and they fell off pretty quickly.

We had another great comeback this week, and a new team won but apparently didn't realize there was money and glory involved in quizzo. But we begin with JGT selling out on everything he's ever stood for, as he Rode the Ducks on Tuesday afternoon. On to quizzo, and a win at O'Neals for Dork Sided, who cruised to a big lead after round three and held off the Cracked Eggheads in the final round for a 95-88 win.

The only blowout of the week took place at the Bards on Tuesday night. El Narcotyzo led from beginning to end and walked away with an easy 111-83 win over Less Than Sporkers. The Sporkers have informed me that they are bring their A-team this week and plan to pull off a win.

The Jams did not have an easy time of it at the Vous on Wednesday, struggling in the speed round and not exactly lighting it up in the wild card round. But they got 9 of 10 correct in Round Four and held on for a 91-90 nailbiter over Trust Us We Know.

A weird conclusion at a packed Black Sheep on Wednesday. The Satan's Minions and Duane's World both ate a sandwich in the music round, so it came down to a couple of unknowns, Team Zieggenfus and the Valerie Plame Affair. Zieggenfus held on for a 97-94 win, then took off out the door like greased lightning, not stopping for their photo or their $40. I had the steak. It was pretty good, and the photo of me was quite terrific.

No MAGMA at the Good Dog on Thursday, leaving a team of superstars poised to walk away with an easy win. Steve O., Trivia Art, and Matt from Satan's Minion were among several solid regulars playing on the Art-Mag-Minions. But they missed the weekly double and fell to C+ Average, the first ever win for the team of regulars that had previously turned finishing 4th into an art form. For once, the C+ average buckled down and brought their grade up.

Finally, a shocking comeback at the Bards. The Hurtin' Bombs got off to a hot start, and the game appeared to be over after three rounds. They had a perfect 64 and held a 14 point lead over the 2nd place team. Bob Ross Blow Dries his Wolf Bush, the defending champs, had a 49. But things fell to pieces for the bombs in the final round, and they could only eek out a 34. Meanwhile Bob Ross caught fire and aced the final round, the only team all week to do so. And so this rag tag group of ne'er do-wellers, who last week celebrated their win with a trip to a rather seedy joint, pulled off an improbable 104-98 victory again this week after going almost two years without a single win.

So I went over to a certain friends house yesterday (to protect his identity and image, I will not reveal his name, though it may or may not rhyme with Bolivia Bart) and he was watching "In Her Shoes". He quickly made the announcement that he was watching it "for the Philly scenes and to see Cameron Diaz dance around in her underwear", which he was forced to say according to several specific statutes in the Man Law. Anyways, I started watching it too, and I actually kind of liked it. It's always cool to see Philly stuff, and Cameron Diaz does indeed walk around in incredibly tight clothing throughout the film. And I thought the story was kind of original. As far as chick-flicks go, it really wasn't bad. For those of you keeping score at home, I have now come out and admitted that I liked Ride the Ducks and "In Her Shoes" this week. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to make myself an appletini.

You guys are a pretty good writers, so I thought you might be interested in this. Ha-ha, just kidding, most of you people can't even spell your team names right, but I'm gonna let you in on this anyway. It looks pretty cool.

First Person Arts Announces 6th Annual Memoir Writing Competition
Now Accepting Submissions through August 15th

PHILADELPHIA – First Person Arts, producer of the annual First Person Festival of Memoir and Documentary Art, is pleased to announce the Sixth Annual Memoir Writing Contest. This year, there will be two categories for writers to tackle. Reflecting on the 2007 contest theme, Objects of My Affection, participants will have the option to contribute a Short Memoir (up to 3,000 words), and a Short-Short Memoir, (up to 500 words). Writers will be challenged to shape their stories around a personal relationship to an object or objects that hold a special significance, considering the ways in which the object has impacted, influenced or changed their own lives. [Submission guidelines follow below.]

Hey, I'm going to hosting a fundraiser tonight for my friends Brie and Bruce's acting troupe. Here's the details:
8:00 p.m. -- DJ Paddywagon
8:30 -- Dan Scholnick (on tabla) and Mike Moss, AKA King of Jeans (on tenor sax)
9:00 -- The Guided Tour DUI
10:30 -- The War on Drugs

GUIDED TOUR DUI
Mum Puppettheatre
115 Arch Street, Philadelphia
8p.m. doors open
$10 suggested donation
Beer provided by Yards Brewery for a small donation
Free food provided by Whole Foods and Trader Joe's
________________________

Here's the description again:

The Guided Tour" -- that curious site-specific play on a tourist trolley -- was presented in the 2004 and 2006 Live Arts Festivals. "Guided Tour DUI" is a rare experiment between the creators of the show and Project P, a collective of local film enthusiasts. With the help of the P's, the cast of "Guided" will be performing a reading of the show with a film adaptation of the tour route projected behind them -- and sometimes on them. Oh, and we'll all be drinking the whole time, and so should you.

And! The War on Drugs -- one of the coolest indie bands ever and a side project of the famed Capitol Years -- will be joining us for our show! (We're paying them with beer and the magic of theater, but mostly just beer.)

And! DJ Paddywagon will be spinning (vinyl, that is) throughout the night.

And! Dorothy Robinson -- Philadelphia Metro Entertainment Editor - will our special guest bartender.

That's a whole lot for $10.

The Kildare's in question in Best Of Philly Style was the one in Headhouse Square, not the one in the burbs. It's on Tuesday nights at 9 p.m. So if anyone wants to check it out and let me know how it is, that would be great. And I was right: Starbucks did win best coffee for the 2nd straight year. I'll find one of these mags soon and we'll see what won what.
UPDATE: Just saw their website. I was not in the top 4 quizzos, being passed by Kildare's, Fado's, Fergie's, and New Deck. Kildare's came away the big winners, with Best Quizzo, Best Bar in the Burbs, and Best Bartender. Philly Style's write-up of the bar included this classic line: "The authenticity of Kildare's decor and cuisine might make you feel like you're somewhere on the Emerald Isle." Which is especially ironic, considering what Philadelphia Mag wrote a couple of months ago: Kildare’s, however, is “authentic” the same way Epcot Center’s World Showcase is — the spirit, the accoutrements and the cultural touchstones may all be there, but that’s where the authenticity ends. The first three Kildare’s were facsimiles that Magrogan put together through the Irish Pub Company, which is essentially a bar-in-a-box-type factory that helps you, young budding publican, become owner of an authentic Irish pub — outfitting your location with custom-made Irish bric-a-brac, sharing Irish recipes, recommending outsource agencies from which to hire “authentic” Irish staff, even offering naming suggestions. (Add “& Sons” or “& Daughters” for authenticity.) The company was featured in a 2006 Slate.com article called “Ireland’s ‘Crack’ Habit,” which outlined how faux Irish pubs have become huge business in all parts of the world — even Ireland. Magrogan’s last three pubs were built through another Irish pub warehouse company, called Bar None, that’s based in the not-so-­authentic Irish realm of Canada.

Anyways, I'm done whining about this. No seriously. Done. Me. With this...Kildare's? Are you serio...No, sorry, that was a slip. Kildare's is fine. It's kool. And hell, even I'll admit that PSM got some stuff right. The Roots are a great band, Monk's has a good beer menu, and McGillan's has a really good karaoke.

-Fantastic article in today's Daily News about Little League baseball in Strawberry Mansion. The pic is of me and my team and the trophies you guys helped pay for.

-Is quizzo harder than Jeopardy? This from Dan Gross: Who is Jared Cohen? This Narberth man raked in $27,000 over three nights on "Jeopardy" last week," but didn't fare as well playing Quizzo at Manayunk's Bayou Bar & Grill (4245 Main). Cohen, a 25-year-old private-equity analyst, celebrated his first night of victory there Wednesday, watching the show with 15 friends. The Penn State grad and pals stuck around for the pub quiz afterward, and Cohen's crew didn't come close to victory. Bayou owner Joe Abruzzo figures the bar's game must be harder than "Jeopardy." But we imagine Cohen's happier with his TV cash than a free bar tab.

-Good news! This from wikipedia: All-4-One are currently recording their 7th Studio album aptly titled "7" due to be released late spring/early summer.

-OK, so this is kind of weird. Michael Gross and Meredith Baxter played the mom and dad on Family Ties. But did you know they were born on the exact same day? They both turn 60 today. And Happy Birthday to Kip WInger, who turns 46.

This week I did something that I swore I would never do: I rode the Duck.

-Trivia Art's latest in the Metro. As for his foot? Well, he's had a lot of hot girls sign his cast, so it hasn't been all bad.

-Will Philadelphia's food Zorro be unmasked? Looks like the owner of Chops could be the Velma to Laban's Mr. Peters, the caretaker of the old stadium. "And I would have gotten away with it to, if it wasn't for you steak frites!"

-Apparently there is gonna be a videogame about the show The Office, which is sure to be awful, though the show is great. Die Actor Die host Don Montrey thinks of some other tv shows turned video game failures. The best one I could come up with was Small Wonder vs. Terminator: Android vs. Cyborg. You guys got any good failed Tv shows turned video games.

-And happy birthday Lionel Richie! If anybody can't find me at the Black Sheep tonight, just look up. I'll be dancing on the ceiling.

Now, I really hadn't made my decision as to which Democrat candidate I liked the most, but I can now eliminate one from consideration: Hillary Clinton. Any chance she had just flew out the window with her new campaign song, You and I by Celine Dion. If Hillary wants to side with my arch-nemesis, I will actively campaign against her. I mean, seriously, this is pathetic.

Joey Vento, the owner of Geno's Cheese Steaks agreed to a debate with a woman with a pretty impressive resume. Tell me this doesn't look like a blowout. Granted, Vento gets the home field advantage, but this lady probably actually has a few facts at her disposal, as opposed to an ability to talk like a numbskull and make a mediocre sandwich. Hey bub, your inane platitudes might work with Neil Cavuto, but I doubt they are gonna go over so well with Ms. Bernstein-Baker. Man, I wish I wasn't working that night.

Of course, the delicious ironies surrounding the whole Vento affair have been documented in detail, but I think my favorite is that the sign, "This is America: When Ordering, 'Speak English'" is written in incorrect English. Who exactly is he quoting when he uses quotes for 'Speak English'?

A major smack talking storm was started last year when Philly Style Magazine (you can find a picture of them right next to the word "irrelevance" in the dictionary) picked Fado as Best Quizzo in Philadelphia.

So you can imagine the joy I felt when I came across Dan Gross's column today and saw who Philly Style Mag named Best Quizzo this year: Kildare's. I am not kidding. The bar that is to Irish pubs as Applebee's is to fine dining apparently now hosts the best quizzo in Philadelphia. But be forewarned: you're not allowed in the door without popping your collar. (Please note that while I am dogging on Kildare's and Philly Style, I am not dogging on the actual Kildare's quizzo. I have never played it, nor met anyone who has played it, so it might be good. In fact, it gets a great review from myquizzo.com. But it's in King of Prussia, which last I checked wasn't Philly. And let's face it, I'm not writing this because I am really pissed, but because I love dogging on things like Kildare's and Philly Style Magazine. If Dark Horse John or Pat Hines or Quizmaster Chris had won, I would be offering a hearty congrats, but two faux Irish bars winning it back to back kind of shows you how well PSM and it's readers "get it".) I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that Starbucks is gonna get best coffee in Philly, just like it did last year. Because after all, nothing says Philly like Starbucks. And nothing says Philly like a faux Irish pub in King of Prussia.
RELATED: Philly Mag isn't a big fan of Philly Style Mag's "Best Of" either.

P.S. I hope none of my Little Leaguers reads this, coming as it does less than a week after I gave them a big speech on "good sportsmanship". Remember kids, do as I say, not as I do.

Hey gang, I was recently interviewed by Daily News Crime Reporter Simone Weichselbaum. Wha??? You'll have to see for yourself. Here is part one, where she just writes her thoughts, and here is part two, her interview with me. Oh,and she called you guys "yuppies", which I think is pretty funny.

Alright, before we have a full scale revolt over the question of the week and I am forced to use my political clout to have you all hung, let's change the question: In what town will you find the handprint of one of the Molly Maguires on the wall of his jail cell?

After a grueling shoot and an exhaustive weekend of editing, tonight JGT will premiere his brand new film, Pool Boy. The film also stars Alexis Brie Wildau, John Kensil, Chip Chantry, and features a cameo by D-Mac. It will be airing as part of the "Dirtiest Sketch Competition" that will also include performances by various local comedy troupes such as Bad Hair, Secret Pants, and the Waitstaff . There are rumors that JGT shot a porn, but as of this time, he is not saying a word. Entry is $5 and the drink specials at the Khyber are notoriously cheap (I'm talking $1 beer cheap). Hope to see you there.

Hendrix bought a number of this Baroque composers albums, including Messiah and Water Music, once he discovered that he was living next door to his former home in London: the two apartments now comprise a museum dedicated to the two musicians.

According to a song on the Electric Ladyland album, in what year was Hendrix expecting to turn into a Merman?

In the song "Hey Joe", the singer asks the killer "where you gonna run to now, where you gonna go?" Where is Joe headed?

Who was the bassist for Jimi in the Jimi Hendrix Experience?

Hendrix's flamboyant stage presence was influenced by this rock and roll legend. Hendrix played in his back up band, the Upsetters, for a while.

In what city was Jimi Hendrix born?

On this date 40 years ago Jimi Hendrix pulled off one of the most electrifying stage acts ever, burning his guitar on stage. Therefore we are going to honor the guitar legend with questions about him under pics of last weeks winners.

It was on this date in 1778 that we returned from Valley Forge to kick the Brits out of our fair city. Here is a brief chronology of Philly's two years of fighting those bloody Brits.
RELATED: More kickass military action this date in 1815. The Battle of Waterloo.

Things were looking good for Steve O.and the rest of Badger Tsunami. Damn good. They had aced the first three rounds, and it looked like smooth sailing. One team they certainly wouldn't have to worry about was Impossible to Walk in this Dreck, who had struggled through the Wild Card Round (Twins) and who had a 44 going into the final round. But as the Tsunami broke, the Dreck got hot, acing the final round. But would that be enough to move them ahead of the Tsuami and perennial powerhouses Dork Sided? FInal scores: Badger Tsunami 94, Dork Sided 98, Impossible to Walk 99! Yes! The greatest comeback in quizzo history, as Impossible to Walk overcame a 20 point deficit to win in the final round. Unheard of!

A close finish at the Bards as well, as Sofa Kingdom was conspicuously absent all week. Their chief foes, Narcotyzing Dysfunktion, were able to tack on another win, but it wasn't easy. They had to overcome a resilient Chin Omelette team that made a comeback in the final round, but fell just short, 97-94.

No surprises at the Vous, as the Jams (aka Opus Dei and the Knights) took an early lead and cruised to a 111-84 win over If You Don't Use It You Lose It. The Jams were one of only 2 teams to break the 100 point mark all week. Team Name had the weeks lowest score, an impressive 21.

The other team to break the 100 point mark was the Satan's Minions, who seem to have broken out of their slump, winning for the second straight week. Gomer Piledriver and Betsy Bailed tied for 2nd, with Gomer taking the silver in the tiebreaker.

On to Good Dog, where there were no surprises. Since Johnny called them out last month, MAGMA has been on a roll, and they won on Thursday for the 4th time in 5 weeks. MAGMA scored an 89, while Ow! My Eye! finished in 2nd with 83.

There are very few times that you'll hear me use the word "Miracle". This was one of those time. The Kingdom was absent on Thursday, but that didn't mean that there were no heavy hitters in the house. The Satan's Minions, feeling cocky after their convincing win on Wednesday, were in attendance, as was the always tough Omelette and two time defending champ Hurtin' Bombs. But the team that pulled off the victory had been playing every single week for years, and had not won since August of 2005. Rich Kotite Beats His Kids to Jock Jams scored an incredible 50 in the final round to edge the Minion's, 97-92. The Hurtin Bombs finished 3rd with 87. The Omelette, which had a 9 point lead going into the final round, imploded and finished with an 81.

My Little League All Star game is tonight from 5:30 pm to 7:30 pm, and if any of you are in the neighborhood, it would be great if you could swing by and watch a little of the game. I will be rocking it on the PA. Action is at the 17th and Christian YMCA.

As you may have noticed, I have been conspicuously silent about the Rock Paper Scissors Tourney. Perhaps you thought it was because I did poorly. NAY! It was because I was going to do my Metro column this week on the tourney. To see pics and to read RPS commissioner Jam Master Sean's take, click here.

...I was shooting the other day: It will be shown at DIE ACTOR DIE's dirtiest sketch contest at the Khyber on Monday night. The show is getting a ton of press: Philly Weekly write up here, City Paper write up here. I think it's gonna be pretty funny. Or, more likely, really, really bad.

-Britney Spears is asking her fans to help her name her new album. Among the choices are "Integrity" and "Dignity". Hmmm. A 55 hour marriage in Vegas, a marriage to the worst rapper ever, a divorce via text message, several drunken nights in crotchless panties, several drunken nights with boobs hanging out of dress, a shaved head, and a total meltdown. I'm not sure "Dignity" is necessarily a good word choice here. How about some more realistic choices, for albums, like "Slave 4 Booze" or "Oops...I Married K-Fed"? Anybody else got some good Britney album titles?

-The video on this page needs to be seen. You have to notice how happy these people are to have a clean butt. "I don't know how I lived before Cleanbutt." The best part is that this is a real product. Safe for Work, but your boss may think you've lost your mind.

-Little League game manana. 17th and Christian YMCA. 6 p.m. We're giving the players the trophies after the game that you guys helped to pay for this week. Thanks again for your help! Hope some of you guys can make it.

Jayson Stark is currently discussing his new book on philly.com.

Willie Gee returns this week because he is not happy with the way that Michael Vick is being treated by the NFL and the media.
The latest developments in the Michael Vick dog fighting case seem to confirm what I have believed all along, which is that many people in powerful positions are trying to bring the man down. Although Vick is arguably one of the NFL’s greatest players and definitely the league’s most electrifying, his unconventional style of play along with his ability to “keep it real” seem to bother many members of the dominant culture. To put it bluntly, many people do not like him because he does not act white and corporate, and does not play the game like every other quarterback. I have further believed that “those people” have been out to get him for quite some time. Unfortunately, “those people” make up a disproportionately large part of the means that control society, such as the media. ESPN, in particular, has had a vendetta against this guy for at least the past year. From the middle finger incident, to the water bottle incident, and now this, Vick has taken more than his share of criticism. I mean, Kobe Bryant never took this much heat for buying his way out of a rape case. Moreover, the Feds never got involved in that one. They allowed the authorities in Eagle, Colorado to do their job, and there was no independent investigation conducted by the NBA either.

Apparently that crazed bus passenger was unable to convince me to stay away from the businessman special. To make it even more obvious that they're gonna lose big, they are throwing out a pitcher with a 4-7 record...in AA ball. Oh, and just to top it all off, the Phils have lost by a combined score of 21-3 at the last two games I've attended. This should be good. Oh well, at least I can get a Schmitter.
RELATED: Follow game with Beerleaguer.

Wow, the storm brewing around the Danny Ozark and Lu Ann Cahn debacle seems to be getting bigger by the minute. Danny is a friend of mine and a regular on the comedy circuit. Though not exactly famous for his good judgement, he is a really nice guy, and I think he probably feels bad that he went too far, which he obviously did. Rifling through Cahn's personal stuff is low-brow and inexcusable, and it was even more juvenile and disrespectful to embarrass her on-air. But I think it also shows something else: that the local news doesn't do stories on local talent unless the reporters are directly involved. Every comedian in town was excited about this story, b/c one of them was actually going to get covered on the television news. While print media and local radio do a pretty good job of helping out local performers, TV news would rather cover a new Wegman's opening or interview Pat Croce or something. Danny O., like lots of local performers, has been working his butt off for years. It's a shame that one of them had to do something stupid like this to get recognized for it.

Doug Williams, who used to be a regular on the local RPS scene and who finished 2nd a couple of years ago in the City League Championship, recently got into the Guinness Book of World Records for having the world's longest nipple hair, over 5 inches long. After setting the record, he said, proudly, "“I am not attempting this record for the money. It is enough for me to know that I can inspire an entire generation of young people, mostly boys, to grow long body hairs and achieve their own dreams.”

By now, many of you have probably already seen the NY Times piece about the hapless Phils. It is a rehashing of a story everyone has heard 1,000 times about how bad the organization is and has been. But the "first pro sports team to 10,000" mark, while fun to celebrate, is completely meaningless. Baseball plays 10 times as many games in a season as football, and twice as many as the NHL and NBA. Not to mention that the NBA, NFL, and NHL were all started at least 40 years after Major League baseball kicked off. So the only teams you can compare them to are the teams that came into the league around the same time as they did (1883). The Braves (1876) are second in losses with 9,668. But they have 17 pennants, compared to our five. The hapless Cubs came in the league seven years earlier than us and still have a lot less losses, with 9,416. Fighting for 4th losingest of all time are the Pirates (1882) with 9,328 losses and the Reds (1882) with 9,325. Pretty fascinating that two teams that came into the league in the same year have essentially the same number of losses. Strangely, the Reds have 43 more wins. (All time records courtesy of baseball-reference.com)

And least we have a World Series win. That's something that fans of the Rockies, Astros, Padres, Mariners, Devils Rays, Rangers, and Expos/Nationals can't say. And there are other teams who, by a more fair measure, are less succesfull. The Rangers (.467), the Rockies (.466), the Padres (.462), and the Devil Rays (.400) all have lower winning percentages than us.
RELATED: Fascinating facts about Phillie futility.

I am raising money again for my basketball league. We had a second half of the longest Little League basketball season ever (we started in October. The NBA starts in November. We're both finishing up now.) Anyways, we're getting trophies for the 2nd half of the season, so I'm asking everyone who plays to donate a dollar towards the trophies. Also, our all-star games are friday, starting at 5:30 p.m. It would be AWESOME if any of you guys could make it. I'd love for these kids to get to play in front of a nice sized crowd. Plus, as an added bonus, you get me doing the PA for the games, and I have to admit, I'm freaking phenomenal as a PA announcer and B-ball DJ. It sounds like the Wachovia Center in there, I swear. Anyways, it's gonna be at the Christian Street YMCA (17th and Christian) on friday at 5:30 p.m. There are two games, and the 2nd one will be a little higher quality, since it's the older kids (11-12). Tip off for that one should be around 6:15 p.m. Hope some of you guys can make it.

The Olsen Twins turn 21 this week. What hilarious and heartwarming 1995 movie starred not only the twins, but Kirstie Alley and comic genius Steve Guttenberg?

This former NBA player disappeared off a yacht in 2002, though it is believed that his brother killed him.

What animal is believed to have absconded with Azaria Chamberlain in 1980, and she was never heard from again?

Oscar Zeta Acosta disappeared in 1974, a few years after inspiring the "Samoan attorney" character in this book, written by one of JGT's favorite authors.

Wallace D. Fard founded this religious group in 1930, then disappeared in 1934 after being taken into custody by the Chicago police department.

This American author, who wrote Devil's dictionary, disappeared in Mexico in 1913 and was never seen again.

When John White returned to Roanoke island, the entire settlement had disappeared. The only evidence he found was the name of a nearby Indian tribe carved into a fort. What tribe was it?

Alright, I've been having some major computer problems, but i think I can finally post these photos. So I'll post questions underneath them about people who have disappeared. One guess per person.

Yeah, so, uh, I didn't get those photos up yet, and now I gotta right my Metro column. I ran late shooting a porno last night. Details forthcoming. But I promise to get the photos up later today.

Been spending all day tooling around with Hopalong Art. Watching V or Vendetta and trying to figure out how to use to use my new videocamera. Working on a film tonight. More details forthcoming. Also, I think the pics are working again, so I'll be posting the photos of last weeks winners tonight. Holla atcha soon.

His name was John O'Neill, and I was tooling