May 2007 Archives

Freaking server crashed again. 2nd time in two weeks. Awesome. Anyways, now I gotta go to my basketball game (playoffs start tonight!!!) and then to quizzo. But first a quick note:
Today is Wesley Willis's birthday. He would be 44 today if he were still alive. Rock over London. Rock on Chicago!

Here's the latest in the Metro. In case you are wondering, the turnout from the quizzo community has been a supreme disappointment. There are about 10-15 of you that I am extremely disappointed have not joined the program, b/c I thought spending an hour a week to make a major impact in the future of the city you love was a no-brainer (If you think I might be referring to you, the answer is "yes".) As for the guys who have signed up, I wanna say a sincere thank you for making such a huge difference in the community.
"A life is not important except in the impact it has on other lives." -Jackie Robinson
RELATED: Join the BBBS program today.

-Bo has been one of my best friends since before we were born. Our moms were friends when they were both pregnant with us. Well, he's got a baby now named Lucy (above left) who her first birthday on Sunday. It was a great first birthday party. I mean, I had a great first birthday party, but this one was even better. I didn't have duck cake.

-Last year, I said that Tacconelli's tied with Tony's for best pizza in Philly. The accolades haven't stopped coming. 'Nelli's was named best pizza by Glenn Macnow in a recent 610 WIP pizza hunt, and just got a pretty good review from the Philadelphia Weekly.

-Charles Nelson Reilly! And Eva Gabor is totally hot. Thanks to Phil for sending this in.

-Is the next USFL on it's way? Let's hope so.

The Battle of Seven Pines (aka the Battle of Fair Oaks) took place during what war?

Battle of Fort McHenry took place during what war?

There were two Battles of Ticorondega, and they took place 18 years apart, in two different wars. What were the wars?

In what war did the Battle of Agincourt take place?

One million men (2/3rds of Philly's entire population) died in the Battle of Somme, which is mind blowing. In what War did that battle take place?

Let's start with a tough one: Battle of Mukden (20th century).

Yeah, I'm a little late on the upkeep, due to the holiday. ANyway, I'm gonna post pics of last weeks winners. Since we just celebrated Memorial Day, we're gonna do it like this: I'm gonna post a battle, you're gonna post what war it took place in. One guess per person, and no looking them up.

The Metro is letting anybody write for it these days. Not only is JGT a contributing member, but now Trivia Art has a weekly column, highlighting some of the best food deals in town. Here is the first one.

Who was the last colony to ratify the Constitution, becoming the 13th state on May 29, 1790?

Kicking it in the Nassawadox (pop. 585) library. Gotta get my story done for Metro then hit the road, drive for 4 1/2 hours, and then come up with questions for tonight, then host quizzo. Not the kind of day Philly's only true man of leisure enjoys. I'll have a question of the week up shortly. The wedding went well, and I spent all day yesterday on a secluded beach with about10 of my closest friends. Hard to beat. Hope you guys had a good holiday. I mean, every Monday is a holiday for me, but I know that things are different for you people. Anyway, I'll holla atcha soon with a question of the week.

The Kingdom stayed hot, the Jams finally fell, and a new team pulled off an upset at the Black Sheep. But we begin on Monday, with an excellent Wheel of Terrific. Just ask Steve O., who played Jerry Falwell in the latest edition. It was the last ever edition of the Wheel of Terrific, though there are rumors of a Wheel of Terrific reunion. Chip and I will also be appearing in the next Die Actor Die show in June. We're making a porno.

We kick off quizzo on Tuesday at O'Neals. Playing without pop culture guru Cocktails, the Young, the Old, and the Restless got kicked out of contention in the "First line of famous songs" round. But Dork Sided may be the new team to beat at O'Neals anyway, winning for the second straight week with a 96-75 pasting of Philly Hardcore.

No surprises at the Bards, as the Kingdom won easily, posting a 116-89 win over the Dysfunktion and Omphalaskeptics, missing only one half of one queston. It was their 7th win in their last 8 quizzos, the only loss a one point loss to the Axis of Evil Knieval.

A big upset at the Vous, as the Jams finally lost, ending an incredible 8 game winning streak. The Live Free or Die Harders put up 101 to edge the 1 1/2 Armenians (aka Steve O.), who finished with 99. The Jams finished 3rd with 91. JGT still owes the Live Free or Die Harders $30, as they collected on the bounty. There is talk of a possible bounty on the Kingdom next week. We'll see.

Another upset at the Sheep. Duane's World and the Satan's Minions both struggled with the third round, opening the floor to a couple of new contenders. In the end, 5 Dumb Guys and a Redhead edged Lord, Beer Me Strength, 90-88.

Steve O. was a bridesmaid again Thursday night. He had a full team together this time, but they finished a question short, falling to MAGMA, 99-94.

It wasn't exactly the Sofa Kingdom, but a team with one of it's members on it still pulled off a win on Thursday night at the Bards with a 103. $20 extra for first team that beats the Kingdom. Alright, I'm outta here. Have a great holiday!

The delegates began meeting on this date, 220 years ago, to write one of the most kickass documents ever penned, the US Constitution. And you know where that jawn went down. In the illadel, PA, live with out a DJ.
RELATED: The Articles of Confederation blow, let's try something new.

It was on this date in 1986 that the famous Hands Across America took place. So I must know...did anyone of you guys participate? Oh, and I'm watching the 10! show right now b/c a friend of mine told me that Craig Laban was on. And Laban says that the inspiration for his terrible cheeseburger song came from the Good Dog Burger! So congrats, Good Dog! Your burger inspired the worst celebrity song since Don Johnson did "Heartbeat."

I was walking home from the Black Sheep and met these two girls who were headed south as well. They told me that A) Alfa was a great bar to meet women (I've never been) and B) I had to see the video for "Shoes". Watched it this morning. Kind of amusing. Here it is. (NSFW due to cussing)

They haven't had a chance to post it on the website yet, but my editor gave me the OK to post it here. It's about the Friendly Lounge, which was just named by Esquire as the best bar in America. To learn more about the Friendly, click here.
In their June edition, Esquire Magazine listed the Best Bars in America. The only one representing Philly was a quiet little neighborhood bar on the corner of 8th and Washington called the Friendly Lounge. What was it about a quiet corner bar that earned it such praise? Sensing an opportunity to write off beer as a business expense, I decided to find out.

I spoke with Marco's twin brother Dominick the next day. He was a bit more subdued than Marco, and at least mildly surprised by the Esquire honor. "I suppose if you hang around long enough, you'll probably get something right." He smiled and wiped the counter. "Everybody's got their own idea of what's a great bar." One with a picture of a forever young Marilyn Monroe beside the antique cash register, one filled with the ghosts of legends, one that's been in the same family for over 50 years? That fits my idea of a great bar.
RELATED: What's your favorite bar in Philly?

-Craig Laban just released a song about hamburgers. It is, quite frankly, the worst thing I've ever seen. Is this the future of newspapers that Tierney keeps talking about? If so, uh-oh. Can we expect Bill Conlin to do a rap about the Phils bullpen now?

-Dick Cheney's gay daughter just had a baby. It's gotta be tough for Dick. I mean, on one, hand, he's trying to fight this war on terror, and on the other hand, we all know that the gays are the only thing more of a threat to our freedom than terrorists.

-Happy Birthdays to both Bob Dylan and Tommy Chong. Sadly, both men have smoked the pot, which is the the only thing more dangerous to America's future than gays, who are almost as dangerous to our freedom as the Mexicans. Did you know that Mexicans can shoot lasers out of their eyes that can kill you? It's true. BUILD THAT FENCE NOW!!!

-The team above won at a private gig I did in West Philly on Friday. It was held in an unfinished warehouse room, the kind of warehouse room where I thought it was a trick and that they were kidnapping me and holding me for ransom in a place that no-one could possibly find me. Turns out they were just using the room for storage for their company, Neatreceipts.

I have never seen an inning quite like the 9th last night. The Phils score 3 to take an insurmountable lead. And then the meltdown. It was unbelievable. The stupidity of Dobbs going home with the ball. Dobbs felt terrible afterwards. He told Marcus Hayes, "I'm praying I didn't aid in Brett being out for a long time. I'm sick to my stomach. I want to go over to him, but I can't even talk to him right now. I'm praying to God he's going to be OK." Then with two outs and a one run lead, Jason Werth made an excellent throw home to end the game. Or at least would have ended the game if the Phils had a Little League catcher in the game. But not with Rod Barajas, who decided to stand up and quit guarding the plate, something you often see in T-ball games but not so much in the majors. Barajas should be kicked off the team today. He is a disaster, one of two of the worst free agent acquisitions in the majors this year (the other being Wes Helms). Then, while trying to record the fifth out of the inning, Myers blows his arm out. Incredibly, we won it in the 10th. If it wasn't for the Myers injury, we could maybe laugh about it. But a couple of questions need to be raised: would a well coached team be making nearly as many stupid decisions as this one seems to make almost every night? And should Myers have pitched yet again with a 4 run lead? I don't know. There is nothing else for Charlie to go to in the bullpen, and thanks to Gillick not doing anything about a terrible bullpen in the offseason, our season is essentially over if Myers is out more than a couple of weeks.
RELATED: Beerleaguers take.

The Boston Celtics, a professional sports franchise, decided to lose games on purpose in the hopes of acquiring Greg Oden. The Philadelphia 76ers did not. Two storied franchises (yes, the Sixers are a storied franchise, despite their recent past) decided to do two completely different things. The Celtics sat their best players. The Sixers did the honorable thing and played to win. And there are people in Philly who are mad about the way the Sixers handled it. In fact, there are radio hosts that think the Sixers should have tanked. That reasoning is absurd, pathetic, and remarkably unethical.

I have a friend who worked for an entity that got a lot of government assistance. He said that every year they would dump all their leftover fuel in the woods, lots of it, because if they had extra fuel left over at the end of the year, they wouldn't get the same amount of money from Congress the next year. And every year,they got a ton of money for fuel. Do the ends justify the means? No, because they engaged in unethical behavior. It was wrong. It was fraud.

The Boston Celtics are a fraudulent franchise. They are paid to try to win every basketball game they put on a jersey for. What is the message they send out when they don't? That it is OK to shave points in pro basketball, as long as it's the front office doing it and not the players on the floor? A lot of children attend basketball games. What message did the Boston Celtics send to their young fan base? That it is OK to quit, as long as the ends justify the means? That doing something that is ethically wrong is OK if there is a big payoff in the end?

Of course, the beauty of this is, there was no payoff in the end. The losers in Boston got exactly what they deseved, a kick in the crotch for unethical behavior. And yeah, the Sixers will pick 12th. But the Sixers will have something that the guys picking number five don't: A front office and a coach who don't pack it in when the going gets tough. A front office that, while it makes plenty of bonehead decisions, doesn't engage in fraud (insert Sean Bradley joke here). Do you know how hard it's going to be to train a team to try to win again, after almost a whole season of trying desperately to lose every game? Players that were told they weren't good enough to win by trying will now have to, well, win by trying. Or will the Celtics just continue losing on purpose, embarrassing themselves, their players, and their city in the meanwhile?

Here's some tough ones from last weeks quizzo. See how you do. Answers are after the jump:
1. What is the visual processing center of the mammalian brain, which contains most of the visual cortex, known as?

2. What is the only Shakespeare comedy set in England, as is evidenced by its title?

3. The Asylum for the Relief of Persons Deprived of the Use of their Reason was opened by Quakers on 4641 Roosevelt Boulevard in 1813. What is the hospital known as now?

4. What group recorded a song called Brain Damage in 1972?

5. What is two fathoms, or twelve feet, also known as on the MIssissippi river?

6. In what 1990s film would you hear the line: It's Ok. I wouldn't remember me either."

7. How many players are on a side in a game of regulation water polo, including the goalie?

8. This acclaimed actor and director appeared in Rebel Without a Cause, wrote, directed and acted in a famous 1969 film, and was nominated for an Academy Award in 1986.

9. Many people celebrate the Independence day of this European country by eating lutefisk, lefser, and aquavit.

10. What was the first James Bond film?

-The picture above is of Badger Tsunami. They won a couple of weeks ago at O'Neals, but I never got their photo up Until now. So, um, there it is. Badger Tsunamis are the most dangerous natural disasters of all.

-Gay flamingoes have adopted a small chick. I knew stuff like this would happen when Jerry Falwell died. I just knew it.

-Everybody is crying over illegal immigrants. Why aren't people in an uproar about illegal employers? Interestingly, they were often fined under Clinton but are almost never fined under Bush.

-Am I the only one who feels just awful for the Celtics? I mean, they tried as hard as they could to tank basketball games last year, completely ruining the integrity of one of the proudest franchises in sports, and then they only got the fifth pick. Well, Boston, I can only say that those of use in Philly would like to express our HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! LOSERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yeah, so this is pretty crazy. The video above is pretty impressive. But apparently another juggler decided to call the juggler out by making a diss video, in which he does the same tricks but with more balls in an empty gym. I guess he thought Juggler #1 had sold out to the masses. Whoa, this is like the new East Coast-West Coast jawn.

Yo, I gotta work on my Metro column. In the meantime, a few blasts from the pasts.
May 2006: Ginger and I go to Camden.
May 2005: JGT makes his first ever trip to Intercourse.
May 2004: Johnny out late with Jersey girl (she's the one in the middle of the girls)

Well, as I stated before, I tried out Friendly's Lounge at 8th and Washington after I learned from Foobooz that it was one of the top 50 bars in America. And it was OK. But I can't say with a clear conscience that it was the best bar in Philadelphia. So then I got to thinking, "Well, what is?" I do have to say somewhat proudly that w/o even needing to shill, all of the places that I do quizzos are damn good bars. But I will remove them from contention to be fair and balanced. (You are welcome to include them below.) What do we mean by best bar? I think we have to set ground rules and say that it is a bar first, restaurant 2nd. It can still have good food, but that can't be the main reason to go. I'm a big fan of some of the ones in my 'hood, such as Grace's, Doobie's, and Sidecar. I also love Nick's Roast Beef in South Philly and in Old City. Yeah, it's got food in the title, but I still think of it as a bar first. I like Bob and Barbara's, despite all the hipsters. But I think I gotta go with Oscar's. Cheap beer, strange old fashioned drinks, and damn good cheesesteaks. And best of all, a very diverse crowd at all times. You got students, lawyers, convicts, and quizmasters. And they pour a pretty good Guiness at a damn good price. You guys post your favorite spot, and then we'll take a vote, and see what the verdict is. What's your favorite bar in Philly?

The Cutty Sark just burned down. The ship was named after an erotic witch in the poem Tam O' Shanter, written by whom?

This is it peeps! For months, you refused to watch this train wreck of a game show. And then, before you had a chance to see what everyone was talking about (in a negative fashion), it went off the air. But now, thanks to the miracle of modern space flight, the Wheel of Terrific will be reappearing at the Khyber for one time only! That's right, it will be either A) really funny or B) extremely unfunny, in which case you get to see JGT fall on his face. YOU WIN EITHER WAY! Also, the Die Actor Die show will feature comedians John Kensil and Sean Curran, as will Rowan and Hastings, best known for their "My Favorite Bears" rap (moderately unsafe for work. A few cuss words.) And there will be another deconstruction of a 80s music video. It's at the Khyber tonight at 8 p.m., and only costs $5. In addition, there will be $1 PBRs, $2 Lagers, and $2 Dead Actors. This is gonna be a great show. Hope to see you there!
RELATED: Die Actor Die website.

Damn good weekend. I ended up saying the hell with Intercourse, and staying right here in Philly. And the Italian Market Festival was well worth staying in town for. Great music, great food, great times. Besides, there is a decent chance that Philly will be having its own RubeFest this year anyway, so why go all the way to Intercourse? Black Landlord (above) rocked the house on Saturday, and I made my way to Friendly Lounge for a drink as well. The Friendly Lounge that Esquire Magazine recently named one of the Top 50 bars in America. Um, yeah. The owner was friendly, for sure, but even he had no idea in hell why they made that list.

The Phillies took two of three this weekend. Guess which game I made it to? Yeah, if you guessed the 13-2 loss give yourself a high five. The highlight of the game came just before the 8th inning when "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" came on the jukebox and Chill Rob A said, in dead seriousness, "Aw man, I love this song!" It was a group of 7 guys out for the game, so needless to say that the only person who caught more ribbing than Clay Condrey that night was Chill Rob. I told him that I was gonna find the people in charge of the music and make a request for, "I Think We're Alone Now."

Back to the Market on Sunday, then off to negotiations for RubeFest. Waiting to hear back. If City Hall cooperates, this is gonna be one hell of a festival.

After calling Bush the worst president in history, Jimmy Carter backed down a little bit on Monday, and said that Bush was just worse than Nixon. Which is another way of saying that he is the worst President ever. Or is Bush less like NIxon and more like another president, and will be vindicated by time?

Last week, I went out to Bella Napoli Pizza (1524 Shunk) in South Philly with Kayla. Pizza originated in Naples, so I figured we should give this place a shot. They had a ton of choices, and I think we went a little overboard with our choices. Here was her take:
Bella Napoli should be considered a take-out place only, as it consists entirely of a pizza kitchen and a single table. Said table was occupied when Johnny and I walked in, presumably by the owner and friend, since our momentary urge to flee was squelched by these gentlemen immediately getting up to offer us the table.

The pizza had a good crust, crispy on the outside but doughy enough that you don't feel like you're eating cardboard. Both halves tasted pretty decent, but the amount of grease was overwhelming, and it was getting pretty soggy towards the end. I thought the white side was better, and we both agreed that the vegetables on the red side overpowered the sauce to much to be able to comment on it. Sadly, they did not have fountain soda, just cans and 2 liters. Overall, I'd give it a 2.5 out of 5 due to grease and lack of atmosphere. If I were to eat Bella pizza again, I'd just take it home and mop it off first.

While this is definitely a takeout place, I think a lot of what she called "grease" was just liquid from the tons of toppings we had ordered. I would wanna try the place again with a little simpler pizza, though I think that Kayla is right in that this is a takeout joint, not a sit down place. But they do have lots of intriguing choices for pizza, and I might consider it again. Give it a three.

Harare

Mogadishu

Doha

San Jose

Antananarivo

Baku

Alright, I'm gonna post the winners of last weeks quizzo, and am gonna post a world capital underneath them. You write down the country. One guess per person.

Wow, one of the weirdest, wildest weeks in recent quizzo history. We start on Monday, when 8 other cities across the country dared to compete against us in a battle of brains. By the time it was done, Philadelphia reigned supreme, taking 5 of the top 7 spots (with Sofa Kingdom finishing first) and firmly establishing itself as the Quizzo Capital of North America.

O'Neals, however, did not fair so well at the Smackdown. It had 3 teams representing, but Badger Tsunami, the Young the Old and the Restless, and Dork Sided finished 7th, 9th, and 10th, respectively, out of 11 teams. So it was only fitting that Dork Sided, who finished 62 points behind the Kingdom on Monday, would come back with a vengeance on Tuesday and score higher than the Kingdom would later that night with the same questions. The Dorks knocked off Lick My Nutters, 103-98.

On Monday, the Sofa Kingdom won $800 at Rembrandt's (23rd and Aspen, where the Philly portion of City vs. City Smackdown took place). On Tuesday, Rembrandt cost them a win at the Bards. They led going into the final question, but missed, "Who painted the Anatomy Lesson of Dr Nicolas Culp as well as the Prodigal Son of the Tavern, both in the 17th Century?" The answer was Rembrandt, the Axis of Evil Knieval got it right, and walked away with an impressive 99-98 victory over the Kingdom.

Things returned to normal at the Rendezvous, as the Jams (aka Now That Falwell's Dead, Tinky Winky can Come Out of the Closet) knocked off Jan and Dean Need $30, 90-83. $30 cash on the line against next week to anyone who can knock off the Jams (plus the $25 gift certificate.)

An upset at the Black Sheep, as CATDOG finally got over the proverbial hump and held off the Satan's Minions and Rum Dog, 90-88-88. Congratulations, Catdoggers! Defending Champs Duane's World finished with an 84. Strictly Prohibited had the lead going into the final round, then tanked hard and finished with 73.

Onto the Good Dog, where MAGMA and the 2 1/2 Armenians continued was has to be, with no debate, one of the worst rivalries in sports history. On weeks when the 2 1/2 Armenians show up, MAGMA doesn't, and on other weeks Armenian warlord Steve O just comes by himself and teams up with MAGMA. Such was the case on Thursday,and the results were fairly predictable. The MAGMenians quashed We're Getting Quashed, 110-69, which I'm pretty sure is the biggest margin of victory ever. To put it in perspective, MAGMA could have missed the first 8 questions of Round Four and still won.

Round four questions must have been a little too easy on Thursday, as two teams at the Bards aced the final round (MAGMA aced it at at the Dawg). But the Kingdom outplayed Nutter? I Hardly Knew Her in the speed round and that would prove to be the difference, as they won 112-107. Chucks Bike-O-Rama had the lead going into the final round, but had to settle for 3rd with 99.

Dude, this is the craziest weekend ever (until Rubefest, hopefully in early June). In addition to the Rittenhouse Jam Session and the Italian Market Festival, the Trenton Ave. Art Festival in Fishtown is going to be happening on Saturday. This includes a Kinetic Sculpture Race, which is when people make a tricycle look like a giant turkey and then race. Plus, the Phils are gonna sweep the Blue Jays and move over .500. Who needs Intercourse?
UPDATE: It's supposed to rain all freaking weekend. Aaaarg!

There is gonna be a musical protest in Rittenhouse Park on Saturday at 1 p.m. Musicians will be playing, at least until Philly's finest show up and take them to jail, where this riff-raff belongs.
RELATED: JGT goes off on lack of tunes in Rittenhouse.

The problem with surrounding yourself with dishonorable, shady people is that they tend to do dishonorable, shady things. Paul Wolfowitz, the neocon who really pushed hard for a war in Iraq, has now resigned from World Bank under tremendous pressure for ethics violations. Meanwhile, Alberto Gonzales has been called out yet again for highly questionable behavior, trying to get John Ashcroft to sign off on domestic spying while lying in the ICU. Man, if we only we had a person of honor running this country, a person of integrity, then we wouldn't have worry about these shenanigans. A good, honorable person...like Dick Cheney!!! (Inspired by this gutsy column, I am hereby making johnnygoodtimes.com your official Dick Cheney in '08 Campaign Headquarters!)
Cartoon courtesy of the Guardian.

If you can't make it to Rhubarb Fest, or are bitter because they have their Bake Off on a friday, which is total bulls***, then I highly suggest the Italian Market Festival. THis weekend, they are going to honor the Philadelphia Sound, so it should be awesome. And today, I am going to be working on making Philadelphia RubeFest a reality.

I know, I know, you picked up a Metro yesterday. Well, pick one up today because Steve-O (pictured above, with Fabio. God, I loved writing that) is interviewed in it.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to announce that Chip Chantry and I will be reviving the least popular game show in Delaware Valley history on Monday night, as we host the Wheel of Terrific at the Khyber as part of Die Actor Die. This will be the last time the vaunted wheel will ever appear. And therefore, we have decided to call it the "Big Wheel of Terrific". That's how incredible it's going to be. We're adding the word "Big".

I called today to pre-register for the Rhubarb Festival when I got some terrible news: the Intercourse Rhubarb Bake-Off is on Friday, not Saturday. And pardon my French, but that is total bulls***. I mean, seriously, who can enter a Bake-off on a Friday at 10 a.m.? Who? I'll tell you who. Housewives. This contest is totally fixed so that they win every goddamm year. It is ridiculous. I might still go to the Festival on Saturday, but it will be with a sour taste in my mouth. And that taste won't be rhubarb.

So here is my thought: We should have a 1st annual Philadelphia Rhuabarb Festival in June. I am serious. Let's challenge all the local dessert chefs to come up with the best rhubarb dessert. And then we get really drunk. Who's with me?

The NBA playoffs were dealt a major blow when, in the midst of a 7 game series between the best two teams in basketball, it decided to suspend two of Phoenix's best players for leaving the bench, despite the fact that they didn't lay a hand on anyone. It was a gutless, thoughtless decision by the NBA, and Willie thinks it ruined this years playoffs. Here are his thoughts:
Believe it or not, I was actually proud of the National Basketball Association and its commissioner David Stern before Tuesday. I was really enjoying the action of the NBA playoff for the first time in years as the game appeared to be returning to its former greatness of the late 1980’s that made me love it initially. Although he would not admit it, Stern seemed to be acting in a kinder and more benevolent way, which I feel is certainly good for the game. It is like he once again understood the competitiveness and intensity of the playoffs. While last year we saw James Posey and Ron Artest be suspended for doing barely more than breathing on an opponent too hard, this year’s NBA seemed more committed to pleasing the fans and not taking away from the competition unnecessarily. It seemed to start when Stern admitted that the new ball was a mistake and thus changed back to the old one. Then, the league refused to kill the excitement of the NBA playoffs by not suspending Baron Davis, Jason Richardson, and Bruce Bowen for physically borderline play. It seemed that the NBA had once again realized that this is the playoffs and to be overly strict on the players was to kill some of that natural intensity which the postseason breeds. Moreover, they seemed to realize what the fans wanted as opposed to forcing on them a corporate, watered-down product. I was actually proud of the NBA for a change, which felt weird but definitely good at the same time. For a moment, I had back the game I loved.

Here's the latest, a brief history of bowling.

Japanese citizens are forced to watch this before taking a trip to Philadelphia.

Cole Hamels flirted with a no-hitter last night. But, in typical fashion, Charlie Manuel pulled such a bonehead move that people have already forgotten about it and are instead pitching a fit, and rightfully so. With a 4 run lead and 12 pitchers to choose from, there was absolutely no need to use your closer, especially with a freaking day game tomorrow. Especially when that closer had pitched the last two games and 3 times in the last 4 days. Yeah, the other relievers are bad, but if they can't protect a 4 run lead for one inning, they really shouldn't be pitching in the major leagues. But Charlie used Myers, and will continue to use him until his arm wears out in September. Charlie Manuel knows as much about pitching as I do about stitching. But at least I'm not teaching a crochet class. The faithful commenters over at excellent Phillies blog Beerleaguer are as furious as I am. As were the guys at the Black Sheep I watched the game with. In fact, anyone who has watched more than 20 games of baseball in their life would do a better job of managing this team than this moron. My suggestion? It's time to start going to games and chanting, "Joe Gir-ar-di!"
RELATED: The Inky gives 4 reasons why the Phils won't fire Manuel.

It looked like a cruise down Easy Street for the Kingdom and the city, as scores rolled in from across the continent in the City vs. City Smackdown. Philly was crushing everybody. That is, until the last scores were delivered. They were Denver's scores, and they were the only city to even approach us. A team called the Denver Misfits finished with an imposing 138, losing to the Kingdom by only 4. As for city vs. city results, in which we take the top 5 scores and average them together, Philly again edged Denver, 124.4-115.6. No other city came close. Ottawa averaged a 100.8, edging Seattle, who averaged exactly 100. Washington D.C., the capital city of the United States, averaged a 93.6. We'll have more team averages soon. There were teams in 8 cities competing: Chicago, Atlantic City, Baltimore, DC, Seattle, Denver, Ottawa, and Philly. Thanks to their narrow win, the Kingdom walks with $800 ($500 for beating Philly's best teams at Rembrandt's on Monday, and another $300 for beating those quizzo weak sisters across the nation.) MAGMA finished 2nd in Philly, 3rd overall, and waked with $250. We hope to do an even bigger one of these in the fall. May the trash talking commence! If you'd like to contact Denver, just click here. If you have a few choice words for DC, just click here. Here were the top 10 scores:
1. Sofa Kingdom-Philly 142
2. Denver Misfits-Denver 138
3. Magma-Philly 134
4. I am Curious George-Denver 129
5. Satan's World-Philly 124
6. What's the Soup du Jour-Philly 122
7. Reservoir Dogs-Philly 114
8. Plush Toy of the Apocalypse-Ottawa 112
9. Lactose Intolerant-Seattle 110
T-10. Sex Panther on the Beach Slaves to the Grind-Denver109
T-10. The DTC Combo-Denver 109

I went to Radford, and Liberty was our divisional arch rival. Not only were they a short drive from Radford, but they were different from us in every way. They were a bunch of Jesus freaks, and we were a bunch of Milwaukee's Best freaks. So when we played them in the conference tournament at Liberty my senior year, the place went wild. I seem to remember our fans chanting something to the effect of "Je-sus hates you" (clap, clap, clap-clap-clap). The game was close throughout, and I remember, during a timeout in the closing moments of the game, I saw something that both shocked and awed me: Jerry Falwell,at the time in his 60s, was crowdsurfing. There he was, being passed from hand to hand, student to student, from the top of the bleachers down to the bottom, a giant smile on his face. When he reached the bottom, the Liberty faithful went absolutely crazy. And I have to admit, as much as I hated everything the guy stood for, seeing him swept up in the moment of a close basketball game and seeing a chubby 60-something guy rejoice in something so goofy, well, it was kind of cool.
RELATED: How Jerry Falwell changed religion and politics.

...on scores from Denver. As soon as I get them, I'll let you know the finals. Ottawa hasn't turned their scores in either, but hey, let's face it, Ottawa isn't going to challenge Philly.

Full City vs. City Smackdown results from across 9 cities in North America!!!

There are two things that will forever define my 2006: my enormous upset at the Rock Paper Scissors championship and me and Ken's inspirational performance at the Intercourse Rhubarb Pie Bake-Off. It's time to head back this year, as the festival is this weekend. Sadly Ken moved out west, so I need to find a new co-baker. Anyone, anyone? Anyways, regardless if you are baking or not, I highly suggest you attend the Rhubarb Festival. I've been two straight years, and it is without question one of my favorite local events. I love rhubarb. More on this event in the coming week.

In what movie do you hear the line, "Never rub another mans rhubarb"?

Yeah, after a particularly devastating loss, I drowned my sorrows with an inverted keg stand which, in hindsight, wasn't an extremely brilliant idea. But I did last full 12 seconds. Not bad for an old veteran. I'll have more about bowling in the Metro on Thursday.

The bowling party, by the way, was a remarkable success, as long as you don't judge it by my success on the lanes. I quit angrily in the 8th frame of the first game, and only bowled a 103 in game #2. Nonetheless, I definitely think that there needs to be another bowling party in the near future.

Gotta get to work on my Metro piece, but I got a lot to write about here, too. So check back this afternoon. In the meantime, a couple of quick bits:

-Here's a funny sign Quizmaster Chris has noticed in the subway.

-Here's a write up the Washington Post had up for City vs. City Smackdown.

-Philly came in 9th in road rage in the latest poll. We would have come in first, but our bullpen keeps accidentally giving the thumbs up instead of the bird.

-Oh, if the teams playing tonight have any hope of knocking off Philly, they better BRING IT. 'Cause the Illa represented last night. Big time.

Diane Thompson is running for Municipal Court Judge. She was a member of former quizzo squad Team Hater, so I knew she was good people. I asked her a few questions about the position and why she's running:
1. What exactly are the duties of a municipal court judge?
Municipal Court, criminal division, is the court of original jurisdiction for nearly all preliminary hearings for felonies and homicides (cases involving juvenile victims are heard in juvenile court by Common Pleas judges.) MC judges hold trials for all misdemeanor criminal cases (crimes with punishments up to 5 years in jail, such as simple assault, terroristic threats, harassment, retail theft, dui, etc.) They also hear private criminal complaints. Civil division judges hear landlord - tenant cases, tax appeal cases, small claims up to $10,000, real estate tax cases, etc. MC judges work at the Criminal Justice Center at 1301 Filbert Street, at Municipal Court at 34 S. 11th Street, or at the individual police districts, such as 55th & Pine or Broad and Champlost.

2. Why are you interested in the position?
I like helping people. Many people who appear in Muncipal Court have no attorneys. (Defendants are appointed attorneys in criminal court, however.) Litigants want judges who know how to listen to their cases. I know how to listen. I believe that I have some ideas to alleviate the back log of cases. I would like to initiate more programs in MC court that would help with the non-violent drug crimes. Also, domestic violence cases are a big part of MC court. I have represented both victims and defendants in domestic violence cases and I believe that intervention is key to preventing more violence.

On Monday, of all days, the site crashed. So I haven't been able to post stuff all day. But the site is back in business and we'll have plenty to talk about on Tuesday.

Washington, DC natives E.U. had a hit with this little dance number in 1988.

What was the name of the fort in Baltimore where Francis Scott Key wrote the Star Spangled Banner?

Who wrote a poem called Chicago that gave the city the nicknames Hog Butcher for the World and the City of Broad Shoulders?

Denverites were outraged when the new MIle High Stadium was given this name?

In what city will you find the Phillies Triple A team?

Alright, gonna post pics of last weeks winners. Unfortunately, I'm kind of a dumbass, so I forgot to take a photo of the Tuesday winner at O'Neals. They are supposed to play at Rembrandt's, so I'll get a photo of them then. All questions are about cities that are participating in the City vs. City Smackdown. One guess per person.

Ginger, Darren from Devil's Alley and I headed over to Camden on Thursday morning. But things got weird before I got more than a block from my house when I saw, lying in the middle of 19th and Bainbridge, a sexual aid, as it were (mildly disturbing picture after the jump). Things got even weirder when we hopped off the red line in Camden. The red line has cards which you have to put in the turnstiles to get you through. I put mine in, but I couldn't get through. I tried time and time again to no avail. Finally I hopped the turnstile. That's when the voice of God came through a nearby drive thru speaker. "Hey you, in the white shirt, you need to go to City Hall and turn yourself in." The voice of God (which was female by the way) was asking me to make a citizen's arrest of myself. It was then that I realized that it wasn't the voice of God but that I had been caught on a surveillance cam (above) hopping the turnstile and that the voice of God was a woman who spends her day watching the monitor, waiting for creeps like me to break the law. The woman then called a nearby phone. I pleaded my case, and was given my freedom. Once that was settled, it was on to the game.

First, on Monday, JGT read the Philly Mag from cover to cover, then gave you his thoughts. At quizzo, we start with an upset, as This is Our Birthday Party, Damn It was the receiver of a birthday miracle, knocking off the Young the Old and the Restless, 101-94. The win earned the birthday party a spot at the City vs. City Smackdown.

Off to the Bards, where Sofa Kingdom essentially put it in cruise control after Round One and crushed Free Prostate Exams in Milwaukee, 105-77. Narkotyzing Dysfunktion was bowled over, finishing in the gutter with 71.

Johnny got to keep his $20 again this week, as the Jams knocked off the Fort Dix Invaders, 93-84, despite not playing with one of their best players. The bounty rises to $30 next week. An inspirational performance at the Vous by Sorry Linda, I'm Having Your Baby, as they only trailed the Jams by one heading into the final round. There is no need for us to discuss what happened in Round Four.

The Black Sheep was the most wide open race for quite some time, with a new winner every week, but lately it's gone down as a battle between two heavyweights. Duane's World edged the Satan's Minions, 105-103, to win for the 3rd time in the past 4 weeks. This from a team that a few months ago had to have a players only meeting to figure out what the hell was going wrong.

An interesting development at the Good Dog, as Chill Rob A and Zombie of MAGMA teamed with Steve-O to form 2 1/2 Armagmians. The result was an easy 87-74 win over the No Talent Ass Clowns-and a lot of questions about the balance of power at the Good Dog. The latest rumor has a MAGMA member dropping out, and a new fiery squad emerging from the earth in the coming weeks. And whither Axis of Evil Knieval? All I know is this: things at the Dawg are wide slam open for a new power to emerge.

Blah blah blah Sofa Kingdom Blah blah blah win Blah blah blah Bards blah blah blah 101 points. Law School GIrls are Easy finished 2nd with 94. Now let's go bowling.

Dunno if you caught it, but a few weeks ago Bill Moyers absolutely crushed the mainstream media and the pathetic job it did leading up to the War in Iraq. No tough questions for Bush, no coverage of huge antiwar demostrations, and sheer laziness abounded in the lead up to the war. This wasn't surprising from the TV news, since explosions make for great ratings, and we've long since established that they are not in the "news business" but in the "ratings business". But the Washington Post and New York Times also dropped the ball. The beauty of being in the media is that they can constantly attack Bush and friends for what they did before the war without having to judge their own performance leading up to the war. Anyways, I highly encourage you to take the time to watch this. Just click here and then click watch video. This is the best thing I've seen on TV in a while.

Darren from Devil's Alley, Ginger and I all had a damn fine day at the ballpark. Got a couple of funny stories to share, but will have to wait till manana so I can come up with these questions for tonight.

As for City vs. City Smackdown, tonight is the last night to earn an automatic invite. You gotta win at Good Dog or Bards. Here are the teams that are in for Smackdown so far:
Young Old and Restles
Satan's MIinions
MAGMA
Sofa Kingdom
Top team from Rembrandt's
Jams
Champs
Steve O.'s team
Team that won Tuesday at O'Neals

And a couple of question marks:
Trivia Art's team
River of Rocks
Trust Us We Know
The Team that Aways Changes it's Name
Dork Sided

The Narkotyzing Dysfunktion is the only team that has declined their invite. Speaking of them, I do still have some tix for sale for the $10 all you can bowl all you can drink bowling party that a few of their members are putting on tommorrow night. See me at quizzo tonight if ou wanna buy tix.

I'm headed over the river to lovely Camden to see some baseball. Will get back to you this afternoon with some pics and reaction. Also, as soon as Metro posts my column I'll have some pics from Goat Fest (hold out for online version of this weeks story. They had to chop up the paper version pretty bad to create space.)

Part 1 - Rankings
1. Dwight Evans-No one has said a bad thing about Evans (Maybe because he's so far down in the Polls) but I find nothing objectionable about him.
2. Tom Knox - I know. I know. Backstabber! Nasty! Worst dye job in the History of Mankind. He's not the second best candidate. He's (alas) the fourth least objectionable.
3. Tie Bob Brady & Chaka Fattah-One says he will. The other ain't saying. But they'll both raise taxes. Brady to pay for patronage; Fattah to pay for votes.
5. Last and least-Michael Nutter. The Drive-By Media endorsed him. STRKE ONE! The Business Killing Smoking Ban.
STRIKE TWO! He'll raise Taxes too. These people can't help themselves. STRIKE THREE! You're Out!

Part 2 - Handicapping
The Socialists will vote for Nutter.
The Unions will vote for Brady
The others:
Whites - Knox
Blacks - Fattah and Evans

Part 3 - Prediction
18% to 24% of living voters will vote.
100% of dead voters will vote.
Brady's in charge of the Vote Counters Hence he'll get all the dead votes ergo he will win the Primary!

Part 4 - Other
The four Republicans still living in Philly will vote for What's-His-Face AKA The Other Guy

Food for thought: Utley, Howard, Rollins, Hamels, and Myers are all Wade guys. Ryan Franklin, Rod Barajas, Adam Eaton, and Arthur Rhodes are all Pat Gillick guys. Oh, and Gillick traded Bobby Abreu for Matt Smith and a bag of baseballs. That one is working out well.

And I hate to complain after a win but the intricacies of the double switch once again confounded bonehead Charlie. Brett Myers batted 2nd in the 9th inning (when the game was still 6-3). That being said, I am more than happy to have the starters go 7 every game and Myers pitch the last two. Screw the middle relievers. Seriously, Myers has a strong arm.. Let him pitch the final two innings of every close game.

-Slight correction: I know I said that the winner of city vs. city smackdown would get $950. Actually, I forgot we're giving away $150 prize for 2nd. Winner can win $800. Still not a bad day at the races.

-A couple of people are heading with me to ballpark tomorrow, including the lovely Ginger. The Riversharks are currently 3-1. That's right, this is your chance to see a local team above .500!!! Weather forecast is 80 degrees with a slight breeze,and the stadium is widely considered one of the best in minor league baseball. Just call out of work and watch some 11 a.m. baseball. Don't be a jerk. Holla at me if you wanna go.

-I do have tix on sale for the bowling party. They are going quick. I think this thing is gonna sell out before Friday, b/c you couldn't get into an all you can drink bowling party with 2 DJs for $10 in the midst of the Great Depression. Anyway, you can buy your tix from me at quizzo or get them here.

-Alcohol makes your brain smaller, which makes quizzo kind of ironic. Let's shrink our brains tonight!

After Bards quizzo last night, me and my man DJ headed over to a prime pizza late night spot in CC West, Tower Pizza. Tower is famous for one reason: it is open until 4 am. I don't know of any other pizza places that can make that claim (What time does Lorenzo's close? 3 or 4?) Anyways, here was DJs take:
One of the most predominant items visible on Tower Style Pizza's hanging menu is a cornucopia - and fittingly so. The pizza shop, located on 20th street between Walnut and Sansom, is packed to the gills with a variety of pizza flavors, mixed decor, and a drink selection that rivals that of your local food mart. To top it off they keep their doors open until just about sunrise, allowing the masses to reap the benefits of greasy pizza goodness until 4am.

Tower Style Pizza's most defining attribute is not their pizza, decor, or their barricade of beverages, but their accessibility. Average pizza can taste like a 4-roni award winner when you're stumbling home loaded from the bar at two in the morning. The fact that Tower gives you two more hours to wander around downtown before they close up shop is pure gold. Just remember you'll need to be mildly drunk to shell out almost 3 bucks for a slice. 2.5 roni's for dinner, 4 roni's if you're destroyed at 3am.

Yeah, my thoughts were similar. The place is kind of weird. Definitely set up for a late night crowd. The pizza was decent. I had a pepperoni slice and a buffalo chicken slice ($3). They were not at all greasy,and neither were they too dry, which was good. Neither blew me away, but they would have been perfect had I been plastered. If you desperately need a slice at 3 am, this place is more than suitable, but I wouldn't get a dinner slice here. And if you need 325 bottles of Pennsylvania Dutch Birch Beer in a jiffy, this is definitely your spot.

I'm throwing an extra $20 in the pot to anyone who can beat the Jams at the Rendezvous tonight. Kickoff is at 6:15 p.m.

Barry Bonds is just 11 homers away from the record, and guess where he's playing in about three weeks? That's right, the Illadelph. So the question must be asked, "What would you do if you caught Bonds 755th or 756th home run?" Of course the easy answer is keep it and sell it. You'd make a couple hundred thousand, and that would great. But this is baseball, and here is your chance to become a part of baseball lore. If you were the guy who hated Bonds so much that you didn't want the filthy money that came from that ball and threw it back onto the field, your name would live in baseball infamy forever, and certainly Philadelphia infamy forever. You would go from being some schmuck who was in the right place in the right time to being a national hero. Would anyone give that a thought, or is it all about the Benjamins?

There are rumors that Chip Chantry and I will be reuniting in a couple of weeks for a one time only Wheel of Terrific reunion. These rumors are absurd. Chip and I had a huge falling out after the Wheel of Terrific was taken off the air. I blamed us getting fired on him (he was repeatedly showing up for performances high on glue) and he blamed it on me (I spoke in broken Japanese throughout every show). So no, we will certainly not be reuniting for a one time only performance of the Wheel of Terrific. That's just stupid.
RELATED: Chip reviews album covers in this weeks Philadelphia Weekly.

Wanted you guys to meet Joe, a local guy who is in the Big Brothers Program. I sent him a few questions about his experience and he answered them in a couple of paragraphs that I think you guys should read.
I joined the program 18 years ago as a little. My big brother (Chas) and I were matched when I was ten or eleven and have remained very close ever since. We still get together two or three times a month and have a great time. I lost my father when I was four to a car crash and my mother thought a male role model was important, and it was. Chas has been a father, brother, mentor, best friend and more. Which brings me to why I joined. I have had a great life so far and having Chas has had a great impact on me. So, now it's time that I give back and help someone as much as I have been helped. I love kids and the BBBS program, so it was only natural I join and help out as much as I can. I was ready for the challenge last year, when I joined as a big. There are good days with my little and there are bad days with my little (Dante). The challenge is there and now I know what Chas was talking about when he said its not always easy. But we have fun and do things we both like doing. I show him things he might not get to see on his own and we share alot of laughs, good times and quality learning time. It's not just him learning from me. It's me learning just as much because he is so unique. I think that is what makes the program so great. Being a little brother was great, but the other side of the coin is even better. Watching Dante do something for the first time or hearing him tell a story or just having some good laughs is the most rewarding thing to me. Watching him smile and grow is the core of why I think people join. Knowing that you had a little to do with that process is one of the greatest feelings ever!

I have been blessed with experience at BBBS. I can tell you how rewarding it is only because I been apart of it. It does take hard work and dedication, but it is all worth it.

Quit making excuses and make a difference!

Here's the latest: Several of the invited teams are in, including Sofa Kingdom, the Jams, and the Champs. I am still waiting to hear back from several, such as MAGMA and the Satan's Minions. Rembrandt's top team is also expected to attend. How can you get an invite? Simple. Win this week. Any team that pulls off a victory this week gets an automatic invite. The event takes place at Rembrandt's on May 14th at 7:30 p.m. The winner will walk with $500, 2nd place gets $250. If you defeat all of the teams in all the other cities, you walk with another $450. Entry is $10 a person. The schedule is as follows:

Tuesday
O'Neals 8 p.m.
Bards 10 p.m.
Wednesday
Rendezvous 6 p.m.
Black Sheep 8 p.m.
Thursday
Good Dog 8 p.m.
Bards 10 p.m.

Well, it looks like America's favorite racist drunken whore (sorry Lindsay Lohan) is heading to the clink. And we here at JGT headquarters couldn't feel worse about it. Fortunately, I've heard that being a person of extreme privilege goes over really well in jail.
RELATED: This whole thing has inspired me. Let's have some fun with words! A shiv (from the Romani word chiv) is a slang term for a sharp or pointed implement used as an improvised knife-like weapon...A related term is shank or shift. While the words are used interchangeably, the difference is that a shank is a type of shiv that is fashioned from the metal shank of a prison-issued boot or shoe. Since inmates were able to fashion effective shivs out of metal shanks, most (if not all) prisons no longer issue footwear with metal shank...Shank is sometimes also used as a verb, meaning "To stab someone, usually with a shiv, multiple times in a quick succession." (Wikipedia. Photo courtesy of Numbmonkey)

Hey, I was having a few tech difficulties earlier today that made the site screwy. My system crashed when I tried to do a post on Paris Hilton. Go figure. Anyways, the battle station is back and fully operationional.

Hey, the Camden Riversharks are playing at home on Thursday at 11:05 a.m. Any men or women of leisure wanna go to? Holla at me if you do. Word.

What did druggist John Pemberton invent on May 8, 1886?

Got my new Philly Mag in the other day. Though Philadelphia Magazine isn't usually that great, I do have to admit I get a little excited when I get my new one in the mail. Does that make me lame? Anyways, here's what they've got in the latest one:
-The opening sections, the Pulse and the Good Life, are pretty forgettable (best handbags take up two pages of content). On one page, they plug an upcoming Scarf Tying Event. "Join us in learning the many possibilities of wearing and tying your scarves." Wow, that sounds like a blast. Anybody know of any upcoming belt conventions?

-The Contrarian does a piece on how newspapers have become irrelevant. It's actually a great piece, and blasts the papers for their exhaustive boy in the box coverage, which was ridiculous. Good stuff.

-The Loco Parentis thing is about how hard it is to be a mom on the Main Line. I think. I've never actually taken the time to read it. But if you are a mother on the Main Line, this column is a must-read. Possibly.

-An article on the guy who used to in charge of 4th Street Deli who is now in charge of local zoning matters. I don't really care much about zoning, but the article did get me thinking about Famous 4th's cookies. Mmmmmmmm.

-A story about the Rosemount lady who created the soaps One Life to Live and All My Children. Mildly interesting to me. But if you are a mother on the Main Line, this is a must-read.

-OK, now here's the fun one. This one is about a guy who sounds so much like a douchebag that at one point in the column, the writer actually writes, "What's most amazing about Dave Magrogan is that he's not a roaring douchebag." That is amazing, considering that he
A) owns Kildare's, the ultimate douchebag bar
B) drives a Hummer, the ultimate douchebag vehicle
C) Well, I'll just let you read this part: From there, Kildare's is looking at spots in Baltimore, DC, Delaware, Florida, Las Vegas. Is this selling out? "Hey, there are over 1,800 Applebees. This is nothing." He wants to be the Applebee's of bars!

Yeah, if he's not a roaring douchebag, it will be the most amazing thing since space flight. This is the must read column in this months PhillyMag. (That being said, I do have to admit that dude's business acumen is pretty damn impressive. Went from broke to multi-millionaire by age 34.)

-D-Mac interviews the co-chair of NORML in Philly.

-Foobooz asks, "Who has the best marguarita in town?"

-Hearty debate going on in comments section regarding music in Rittenhouse.

-Just when you thought things couldn't get worse for the Phils, one of their starters gets injured while shagging batting practice fly balls. Garcia is not the only Phillies pitcher to ever suffer a strange injury. Before he joined the Phils, Adam Eaton stabbed himself in the stomach as he was using a knife to open a DVD wrapper.

There's a par-tay going down on Friday and I heartily encourage you guys to attend. In fact, it's kind of ridiculous how cheap this thing is. Ten bucks for all you can drink beer, bowling, and two DJs. You can order tickets by clicking here.
Friday, May 11th, 2007
9PM - 1AM
16th & Shunk
Philadelphia, PA, USA
$10

Who sang the following:
SPIDERMAN
SPIDERMAN
DOES WHAT EVER A SPIDER CAN
IS HE STRONG
LISTEN BUD
HE GOT DA RADIOACTIVE BLOOD
HEY THERE
THERE GOES THE SPIDERMAN
OW

Who has directed the 3 Spider-Man films?

What American League centerfielder has the nickname Spiderman for his ability to climb walls to make spectacular catches?

What group gave us the following lyrics:
I smoke on the mic like smokin Joe Frazier
The hell raiser, raisin hell with the flavor
Terrorize the jam like troops in Pakistan
Swingin through your town like your neighborhood Spiderman

J. Jonah Jameson is the publisher of what newspaper that has never been a big fan of Spidermans?

THis man, a co-creator of Spider-Man, also helped create Superman and the Hulk.

A'ight, I'm gonna post pics of last weeks winners, with a question about Spider-Man under each one. One guess per person. No cheating.

Jake's Pizza is bold, if nothing else. They named their website bestpizzainphilly.com. So Chill Rob A and I decided to head to 201 North Broad Street and give it a shot. The place itself is pretty damn impressive. An incredible mural of Philadelphia is on the wall. Next to that is a really strange painting of a Mummer on fire. They have outdoor seating, a big plus. The staff is friendly and attentive. In fact, the only thing not perfect about the place is the pizza. It's not that it's bad. It's quite serviceable. But it's not perfect. Here was Rob's take:
To be honest, you have to wonder about a place I have worked about four blocks from for 2 years, and yet have never been. First, the good stuff: I liked the overall lived-in quality of the place. It seems like the kind of place firefighters, hospital orderlies and nurses from Hahnemann, located just down the street, would frequent. If the people that keep you alive for a living like a place, it must be a-ok, right? Uh...

So far, so good....then I ate the pizza.

Rough week for Goodtimes, who performed like Britney Spears this week. A scoring snafu at the Bards, a speaking snafu at the Black Sheep, and getting busted with that transvestite hooker and nitrous oxide tank led to a tough week for Philly's premiere quizmaestro.

We start at O'Neals, where the Young, the Old, and the Restless have proven themselves to be the Robert Horry of quizzo, coming up clutch in the final round every week. Another nail biter at O'Neals, and another YOR win. They held off the Palestra Junkies and Cindy's First Moustache, 93-89-89. I Got Nothing also finished within one question fo an with an 88.

Only two members of the Sofa Kingdom showed up at a packed Bards on Tuesday, and the result was a good old fashioned ass whooping administered by their arch rivals, the Narkotyzing Dysfunktion. The Funk came away with a 101-100 win over Polar Bears Do Not Have Money, while the Kingdom finished 5th with a 77. Tuesday also marked the return of quizzo legends The Goats, who finished 4th. But the real story was JGT missing a point that the Polar Bears should have gotten in Round Three. But it was partially the Polar Bears fault as well, as JGT would have given them the point had they requested it at any point before the match ended. Once scores have been announced, the match is over, no questions asked.

Nobody claimed the bounty at the Vous on Wednesday, as the Jams held off the Avalon Avengers, 101-93. It was their 6th straight win, and JGT is thinking of offering a bounty again this week. Quite frankly, this juggernaut needs to be stopped.

After months of frustration, the guys of Duane's World seem to have found their groove, winning for the second week in a row, and edging the Satan's Minions, 107-105. Lord Beer Me Strength finished 3rd with a 103. JGT fumbled through the instructions for the speed round so badly that finally someone yelled, "Are you high?" (The answer is no. Lately, I've had a hard time finding really good...uh, nevermind.)

No MAGMA at the Dawg on Thursday meant an easy win for a team that seems to be primed to take over MAGMA's spot as the team to beat, 2 1/2 Armenians. The Armenians blew past Happy Birthday Gabs, 110-92, and with 3 wins in 4 weeks I think it's fair to say that they, not MAGMA, are now the class of the Good Dog.

Sofa Kingdom, desperate to avenge their devastating loss at the Bards earlier in the week, teamed up with some ringers from the Hurtin Bombs to cruise to an easy win at a somewhat quiet Bards on Thursday. Your Mom's Got Carrot Top in a Leglock finished 2nd.

Hey, I'm planning on heading out to the goat races in Phoenixville this weekend, and I'd really like to enter a goat. Anyone know where I can find one? Oh, and if you're wondering where to go to see that other animal race this weekend, Foobooz tells you where you can get your mint julep on.

But I stayed up watching that ulcer inducing Phillies game last night that didn't end until after 2. A 9-2 lead almost evaporated, as the Giants cut that lead to 9-7 before Alfonseca and Myers shut them down. But this victory exposed several major problems that this team has.
1) Let's face it, Adam Eaton is exactly what we all thought he was when we got him: a giant waste of money. He is garbage, and gets shelled every time out. An $8 million dollar waste.

2) Charlie Manuel is like George Bush: A seemingly nice guy but a terrible leader. He left Eaton in too long, then, with a two run lead in the 9th and nobody out, he had the catcher steal 2nd! What???? Ruiz was thrown out by 15 feet. It was ugly. I mean, that is beyond stupid. Charlie's got to go. We are wasting Utley and Howard playing for a guy who should be a bench coach, not a manager.

3) Speaking of Howard, he is in serious trouble. 0-5 with 4 strikeouts which is, in all honesty, probably what my statline would have been if I had played last night. He is killing team and we need to start wondering if we should move him down in the lineup.

On the bright side, we simply are winning because of one man: Jelly Roll. Without Rollins, this team would be 7-18 right now. No kidding. He is, at this point, quite possibly the NL MVP.

Excellent cover story by Steve Volk at the Weekly. I know I'm not exactly digging deep to link to a freaking cover story, but this is good stuff. Alright, I'm heading off to Jake's Pizza on North Broad.

An injury did what our fearless manager couldn't: took a remarkably worthless closer (this year) off the field. Charlie couldn't move him because it would hurt his feelings, and Charlie wants to go down in history as the only manager in sports history to never hurt a single players feelings. So now, we will get Brett Myers as closer, which seems to make a hell of a lot more sense (if you had told me a month ago that Brett Myers as our closer made a hell of a lot of sense, I would have shaken you violently and told you to "snap out of it".) Oh, and our prize off-season pick up, Freddie Garcia, totally stinks right now. But Howard and Utley have started hitting, so I'm hoping we're gonna get back on track. And how many close games are we gonna lose to the freaking Braves? Geesh.
Related: Inky writer Jim Salisbury blasts Phillies for lying.

Went with Mike of the Satan's Minions to Top Tomato (1107 Walnut) recently to try out their pizza, and found it to be a lot better than it was the last time I tried it, which was years ago. I got the marinara with mozzarella and a buffalo chicken slice. Both were very good, the marinara being a little bit better. The red sauce is excellent. And the prices are incredibly cheap. Here was Mike's take:
On walking in to Top Tomato, two things struck me as a bit confusing. One: where am I? The décor, while very nice and certainly way above what one expects in a pizza parlor, has the look and feel of a coffee shop in Santa Fe. Two: where’s the waiter? The various booths and tables (of which there are plenty) had numbers in little stands on each. After a minute or two with no waiter apparent, as we walked up to the counter, I was still wondering about the numbers. Perhaps they only had table service when they were busy?

Overall, Top Tomato has good pizza at good prices, lots of variety, a endless soda fountain, and plenty of place to sit, all set in a nice (if somewhat un-Philadelphia like) décor. But remember, don’t wait to be seated, you’ll waste time standing that you could be eating. Overall, I give it 3.5 pepperonis.

Man, I hate giving out another 3.5, but all 3 places so far are very extremely good w/o being excellent, but I do heartily suggest all of them if you're hungry. And Top Tomato is a borderline 4.

Hey, here is my belligerent take on the people who have lobbied to take music out of Rittenhouse Park. I sound like Andy Rooney.

-A recent study by a couple of guys, one of them from Wharton, has come to the conclusion that white refs in the NBA don't call as many fouls on white guys as on black guys.

-Did you know that there was a White Men Can't Jump video game, and that it is widely considered to be one of the worst video games ever produced?

-Here is a list of the 20 funniest white boy basketball players ever.

Alycia Lane is in hot water for sending bikini photos to Rich Eisen. Listen, Alycia,you need to stop sending photos of you in a bikini to married men. You need to start sending them to single men. Like me. My email address is johnnygoodtimes@hotmail.com. I will not contact the Post when I receive said photos. Thank you.

This singer was born with the name Arnold Dorsey, but changed it to the name of a famous German composer and was soon afterwards known as the "King of Romance".

Trivia Art and I headed into South Philly last week to check out La Rosa Pizza (Broad and Snyder). The inside reminded a bit of Lorenzo's on South. No tables or chairs, just booths to lean on. A painting of the Italian countryside on the wall and a ton of pizza boxes resting on counters directly behind the trays of Sicilian style pizza. You place your order, the lady takes your slice off the tray and pops it in the oven, and then you lean on a counter and eat it. No frills, but damn good pizza. Here was Art's take.
LaRosa Pizza at Broad and Snyder may not be much to look at but that doesn't mean they don't make a mean pizza. Baked in rectangular trays, LaRosa's pizza initially looks like it might be Sicillian but it isn't. Instead the crust is a airy bread with crispy bottom, a delightful combination of fluffy and crunchy. The sauce had a hint of sweetness but not like the saccharin taste that you might find at a place like Lorenzo's on South. The pepperoni was well cooked and crisp, although a little greasy, it was nothing a quick dab of a napkin couldn't fix. My second piece of pizza was a white pizza. cheeses melted well into the crust and there was ample oregano and olive oil over top. I was certainly impressed with the pizza at LaRosa's and will be back, might even get it delivered if they venture up into the G-Ho. 3 1/2 Pepperonis.

Yeah, I can go with 3 1/2, no problem. This is a perfect lunch pizza spot if you're in South Philly and you're in a hurry.

That's right people. I am sitting in a Panera Bread Company in exciting Salisbury! Yes, in Maryland! When I was a kid, we always begged our parents to take us to the Salisbury Mall, 90 miles north of home and the closest real shopping center. As you can see, the mall is still doing great.

Well, my Metro deadline is in 2 minutes, and I still haven't decided what I'm going to write about, so I'll post some pizza reviews after I get done with that. Then continue driving north. In the meantime, here's an article about why miserable rich people need to move their sorry asses out of Rittenhouse and out to the Mainline.