December 2006 Archives

Johnny took his act across country, as Traffic.com hired him to blog about a cross country trip. I condensed the trip into a "best of" page. If you haven't read any of this stuff (including my interview with the Baltimore crab cake lady, above), I really do feel that it's the best writing I've ever done, and I think you'll enjoy it.

• The infamous Detroit hookers story. The one that got a reprimand from my mom and was so popular that I come up on the first page when you google Detroit hookers, which is awesome.
• Johnny named "Best Of" Philly Quizzo by Philadelphia Magazine.

getting our asses kicked by the inventor of Scrabble
• kool-aid man
• bikers in leather
• my hot spanish teacher

• JGT becomes Philadelphia Rock Paper Scissors champion in the greatest upset in sports history.
• A lively website debate rages over what the worst movie ever is, followed by a lively debate over best TV theme song ever.
• Johnny apparently jumps the shark with cartoon quizzo at the Franklin Institute.
• After JGT gets fired from the Franklin Institute following the cartoon disaster, a creature from outerspace named Quizzoman arrives to perform an amazing Superhero Quizzo.

• fat girl in assless chaps
• baby aardvark
• I just died in your arms tonight
• the dumbest website in the world
• Raven Symone ate a mushroom

A quick reminder for all responsible males in the area who want to do their part to make Philly a world class city: I've got your New Year's Resolution covered. I am undertaking the most ambitious project of my life and I will not succeed without your help. I don't need your money, all I need is a little bit of your time to achieve the lofty goal I have set for myself. I will have more details at the start of the New Year.

• Bobby Badtimes takes over for a week, allowing Johnny to travel. JGT took in the sights in Paris, climbed Mount Everest, drank appletinis in Egypt, and hung with Mayor McCheese at the Taj Mahal.
• Bobby B. comes to Barry Bonds defense, calling him "Great for baseball".
• JGT almost gets in a fight at Dark Horse quizzo.
• Johnny competes in the Great Intercourse Rhubarb Bake Off, baking a Rhubarb Banana Blueberry Supreme Pie.
• The lovely Ginger and Johnny do Camden, where they enter the (gasp!) 4th dimension.

• Info on plumbers laying pipe
• and i got spaghetti instead. i just want the press to know this
• What won't Meatloaf do for love
• alpaca intercourse
• Are you ready to rock?

• Johnny posts probably the funniest thing ever to appear on this website-his buddy Willie Gee's work history, which has seen him fired from over 20 jobs. I just reread it last night and my eyes filled with tears. It is amazing.
• In the midst of his first ever pizza hunt, Johnny grabs pizza at his now favorite pizza spot in Philly-Tony's Pizza.
• JGT gets blasted by a 9 year old in the Inquirer.
• The interview with Johnny's ex-girlfriend, the one who got asked out to the prom by a rock star.
• We discovered a website that tells you what celebrity you look like. JGT looks like Haydyn Christiansen. I re-tried it last night and it came back that I look like Johnny Depp. I'm not kidding. Needless to say, I'm a little cockier today than I was yesterday.

• eaten by a jellyfish
• hip hop scene in Alaska
• gas mileage for the pope mobile
• Gary Hogeboom salary
• fake tv star spankings
(wait. spankings on tv aren't real?)

Hey gang, I started driving up the road today and then decided I wanted to spend a little more time with my family. So the Inquizzinator is gonna take control tonight. Now, now, I'm coming back on Saturday, so if you'll just wipe the tears out of your eyes, maybe we can do something together on Saturday. Anybody got any fun ideas? The night before New Years should be good.

• The appearance of Obit master Andy Nolan. I recently received one from him which read: Saint Peter: "Whoa, watch your step there President FORD. You need to FOCUS so that you don't fall off the EDGE into the GALAXIE like a FREESTAR. Looks like you need an ESCORT. Mr. Nixon, why don't you help Mr. Ford." Nixon: " I beg your pardon."
• Some idiot cheerleader keeps cheering after she falls and gets put on a stretcher.
• Quizzo regular Ken Schober passes away.
• My neighborhood acquires the nickname G-Ho.

• lazy sluts
• head up ass
• depressed (I like to think that my website lifted that cloud of depression.)
• hard in my shorts
• taco bell losers
• joystick goodtimes
• giant hairy lobster (I did a little research on this and am proud to say that I come up on the first page when you google giant hairy lobster.)

And finally, One person got to the site by googling learn to make love. We here at johnnygoodtimes.com sincerely hope we were able to answer all of their questions about love making. And giant hairy lobsters.

• JGT appears on the 10! show. To get picked for the show, he sends in this resume tape. On said show, Bill Henley makes perhaps most epic Freudian slip ever while complimenting Miss America.
• 19 year old runs for town council near Harrisburg under the slogan, "Less Police", then a month after he loses, he robs a bank.
• Johnny starts disastrous quizzo venture to New Hope that lasts like two weeks. He came in one week on a beautiful nght and there were like 80 people sitting outside, a perfect chance to turn them onto quizzo. He asked the manager if he should get set up outside. The manager said, "No, set up inside." There were no people inside. Just Johnny. He never returned.
• Johnny lists his ten least favorite Love Songs ever.
• Bobby Badtimes reflects on all the things he loves about Valentine's Day.

• Gay Aquaman
• Jordan Knight (looks like he is maturing)
• Dick Cheney most evil man in the world
• Caution: cape does not allow user to fly
• Crazy Cooter
• White wide receivers

• In the biggest upset ever Philadelphia named Not the Fattest City in America. Not even in the top ten.
• Johnny wonders why Hitler is so much more evil than Stalin.
• We discovered the greatest website ever, chucknorrisfacts.com.
• The Crowd Pleasing Quizzo Bowl 2.

• fat people at McDonald's
• contagious rash
• is Spiro Agnew still alive?
• coco b ware wrestler
• lowrider pitchers of Jesus
• Jordan Knight groupies
• johnny johnny poop poop pants

Alright, I'm starting work on the World Famous Johnny Goodtimes Year in Review. While I do work, why don't you check out a couple of past year in reviews. Ah, good ol' 2005, when JGT went Punkin' Chunkin', went to Intercourse, and tried to advertise on a baby. Let's also take you way back to 2004, when Russians went rubber woman rafting, Johnny had his laundry stolen by a crackhead, and JGT dated a hot Jersey girl.

JGT is kicking it in Virginia for a few days, but the show will go on. Dark Horse John will host tonight at O'Neals and the Bards, and the Inquizzinator is gonna be in full effect manana. As of right now, I plan to be back on Thursday.

What internet personality and self-proclaimed a****** did Anthony Dimeo unsuccesfully sue in what is considered by many to be the Philadelphia highlight of 2006 (other than Ryan Howard's season)?

I have no access to the Philadelphia Metro today, but I was supposedly gonna be in the Tuesday thru Friday editions. So if you pick one up you'll see me. Maybe.

Just got done drinking a little wine and watching Wonderful Life. It's as good on the 15th viewing as it was on the first. Here's a downright hilarious article about why Pottersville is soooooo much kooler than Bedford Falls.
The sole bar in town appears to be Martini's, a rest home which has a policy against admitting anyone under the age of 60. The strict family values of its devoutly Catholic Neapolitan owner, heavily watered drinks, the constant attention of a kindly bartender who knows your mother and a particularly anodyne menu of Christmas music are the attractions of this morgue, where your chances of getting lucky range between nil and zero.

Rocked the mic with a little "Christmas in Hollis" at my grader party last night. I wish I had video, but I got some good photos. I gotta be honest, I kicked total ass, and the 22 year old girls at the party gave me extended glances before deciding that they weren't interested.

Looking forward to Christmas day. Will watch a little Christmas Caroll early while we wait for my sis to get here, then watch Elf while we open presents. One of my best friends is a big Cowboys fan, so I've invited him and his family to come by and watch as the Eagles destroy them manana. Then, in the spirit of Christmas, I will laugh heartily at his expense and tell him what a fraud his favorite team is. Ah, I love the holidays. Anyways, I just wanna wish you all a joyous Christmas and be sure to check back this week as I work on my world famous "Year in Review" both here and in this week's Philadelphia Metro.

Now, I usually start the Week in Review with coverage of Movie Monday. But when Christmas Miracles occur, they get paragraph one treatment. Quizzo at the Rendezvous seemed like the usual quizzo at the Rendezvous. The Jams held a 12 point lead going into the final round. But they missed the special holiday edition of the 12 point weekly double, and two other teams got it, giving us our first ever three way tie in quizzo history (89-89-89). The first question of overtime was, "What year is on the screen at the start of the Christmas in Hollis video?" Perennial sixth place finishers Leftover Crack and the Jams got it right with 1987. The Merry Jolly Consumers guessed 1984 and were eliminated. Next question: "In what year was 'It's a Wonderful Life' released?" The teams both got it correct, 1946. Triple overtime. "In what year was the George C. Scott Christmas Carol released?" The Jams guessed 1971 and Crack guessed 1983. The correct answer was 1984, and we had one of the biggest upsets in quizzo history! God Bless Us, Every One!

Continue Reading to see who won, who lost, and what questions were asked.

Ginger missed her deadline yeserday, so we had to push her back to Friday's edition. Today she talks about the Pen and Pencil and her Christmas wish list:

As many know, you never wake up the next day, with the notion, "Wow I am really glad I went to the Pen and Pencil last night." For those of you who don't know, back in the day the Pen and Pencil was a place for journalists to go, write and chat. Current day, it's a late night destination for hospitality industry folk. Bathroom lines are long due to lines in the bathroom, if you catch my drift. Co workers smut it up- sitting on each other's laps, throwing back whiskey and lagers, hoping everyone's so out of their mind that they won't remember who was making out with who the next night at premeal.

Now that I have educated you on the glory laden club, let's talk about the lovely ginger's christmas wish. I am asking the bearded one for a new late night destination spot for Philly. One with separate rooms, so you can avoid someone if you don't want to see them. Possibly a Miss Pacman machine. Good craft beer like Sly Fox and Yards is a must. A bowling lane or two would be nice. Oh, and I don't want it to be open every night of the week, because that's too tempting and the lovely ginger needs her beauty sleep.

I am also asking Santa for a digital camera (time to stop the ghetto disposable thing),
knee highs,
an alarm clock, (currently using my cell phone),
more bars with fire places and mulled wine,
inspiration to actually use my gym membership,
a new computer,
this owl tea set,
A better neighborhood grocery store than save-a-lot,
A new advertising campaign for Old City's Eulogy (nodody wants to read in the PW every week that you are the only Real Belgian-owned bar),
a partner in crime to help me bomb the Philadelphia Parking authority on Filbert St and George Smith Towing in Southwest Philadelphia,
a trip to Belgium or the Czech Republic, and
a new best friend, because Johnny gets too tempermental sometimes.

I just posted a new poll, so be sure to vote. If you've got any movies that aren't on the poll but should be, post below. My favorite Christmas movie of all time is "It's a Wonderful Life", hands down. Indeed, watching this film is one of the highlights of the Christmas season. While most movies are about romantic love, this is a film more about platonic love, about the meaning of friendship and how important it is to our lives. But at the time it was released, it received mixed reviews:
-Indeed, the weakness of this picture, from this reviewer's point of view, is the sentimentality of it—its illusory concept of life. Mr. Capra's nice people are charming, his small town is a quite beguiling place and his pattern for solving problems is most optimistic and facile. But somehow they all resemble theatrical attitudes rather than average realities. -New York Times

Oh, and apparently there are people who are such stoners that they have figured out when to synch up "It's a Wonderful Life" and Pink Foyd's "Wish You Were Here". Another strange fact about the film: the FBI hated it. A 1947 FBI memo stated that, "With regard to the picture 'It's a Wonderful Life'...this film is a rather obvious attempt to discredit bankers by casting Lionel Barrymore as a 'scrooge type' so that he would be the most hated man in the picture. This, according to these sources, is a common trick used by Communists." Final fun fact, this one courtesy of wikipedia: After Uncle Billy chooses between his three wavering hats and leaves George's house drunk, it sounds as if he is falling over trash cans. This scene was unplanned. A technician accidentally dropped some equipment off-set, making a loud noise. Shouting "I'm all right, I'm all right," the actor saved the take and made comedic history. The stagehand made an extra $10.

It's official, gang. Quizzo Bowl 3 will be held on Saturday, February 3rd, meaning that that weekend will include: Wing Bowl, Quizzo Bowl, the Super Bowl, and my birthday. It is going to be the most awesomest weekend ever. Tickets will go on sale in a couple of weeks, and I'll have more details next week.

I was sitting in my neighborhood coffee shop, checking to see if any cute girls had contacted me on Myspace*** when I received an urgent message from Trivia Art, which read simply, "Naked Chicks on Walnut Street, Noon Today." Being a responsible local journalist, I hopped into the Quizmobile and headed to Walnut Street in a flash. You see, these weren't just naked chicks, these were PETA naked chicks, protesting burberry out in front of the burberry store. Now, I have long protested burberry, because burberry is the Hummer of clothing patterns, worn by rich people with no personality to show other rich people with no personality that they can afford it.

Where was I? Oh yes, so I decided to go to PETA's protest because I hate burberry and because I think it is terrible that animals are tortured to make these stupid scarves. I also went because I wanted to see boobies. Well, the ladies were cute but they weren't totally naked, and to make matters worse, they had a giant sign over their boobies. Something about fur being bad, etc. Anyways, the point here is that fur is terrible and that when somebody says that there are naked chicks on Walnut Street and you are a creepy enough guy (like me!) to go check it out, expect to be somewhat disappointed.
Related: bloodyburberry.com

***the answer was no. Cute girls never contact me on Myspace. The only person who ever contacts me on Myspace is Chip Chantry, grumbling about how cute girls never contact him on Myspace.

OK, first off, this is my mom's favorite song ever. Not favorite Christmas song ever. Favorite song. Ever. Secondly, there are rumors that I will be performing this song at a grader shed party in Virginia on Saturday. (Grader sheds are where farmers have a conveyer belt to sort through or grade veggies. They also store farm equipment.) These rumors are of course untrue, and JGT doesn't know how they got started. Oh, and Smackdown will be pissed if I don't say that she suggested that I post this song. Smackdown suggested that I post this song.

Well, the rumors proved true. Food and booze master (as well as occasional quizzo fill in and johnnygoodtimes.com contributer) Trivia Art just had his site Foobooz named Philly's best food blog by the Weekly:
It's everything you want in a food blog—openings, blind items, whittled-down capsule reviews, nightly specials and happy hour deals­—with none of the endless mind-numbing threads from aggro foodies you'll find on other food blogs. Art Etchell's site has just the facts, and I like it that way.
RELATED: Philly Weekly year in review in food.
Trivia Art on MySpace.

Johnny's high school nemesis AI is going to the Nuggets for Andre Miller (honestly one of the most underrated players in the game), a couple of draft picks, and Joe Smith who, I SWEAR TO GOD I AM NOT MAKING THIS UP, I played against in high school. I am absolutely totally telling the truth. The Sixers, apparenty worried that JGT would head to Denver, made sure to include one of his boys from his eastern Virginia days in the trade, and keep him from getting homesick. "That they would do this for little old me really shows what a commitment this organization has to its fans," said a relieved 'Times, who has not yet packed his bags to be with his homie in Denver.

In all honesty, Joe Smith was not really that good in high school (I played him once), he was just really tall and blocked everything that came near the rim. It was pretty shocking that he did so well at Maryland. Of course, in the pros, he is best known for being one of the players involved in every single trade that has occurred in the last 10 years. He has played for every team in the NBA at least once, including the Chicago Zephyrs and the Tri-Cities Blackhawks.
RELATED: AI to the Nugs.
RELATED: Sweet AI video I posted a couple of days ago. If you haven't checked it out, do so.
AND FINALLY: Yeah, you knew I was busting this one back out: JGT vs Bubbachuck in high school.

Renowned food and booze blogger Trivia Art (who rumor has it will be receiving a pretty sweet award manana) presents us with his tips to ensure a great New Year's Eve. My advice? Give up. New Year's Eve always sucks, except for that one where I kissed one of my sister's hot friends right at midnight. That one was fun. Other than that they've all sucked. But Trivia Art is more of an optimist than I. Here's his advice:

It first rears its head a little after Thanksgiving. Then you hear it again when you get together with friends in mid-December. By the week before Christmas it has become the elephant in the room that no one wants to acknowledge. "What are you doing for New Years?" Uggh! How has such a simple excuse to party it up and get drunk become such a production. What are you to do?

Foobooz helps you navigate the trials and tribulations of the biggest night out of the year.

-Glenn is rocking Christmas like a Hurricane. The Jewish forecaster refuses to promote the Christian holiday on the air. Speaking of Jews and the Christmas holiday, if you missed the Wheel of Terrific last night, you missed Hanukkah Dwayne and you also missed bartender Marianne dressed in her Mrs. Claus outfit. Both were spectacular.

-What if Office Space was a thriller?

-Britney gets dragged out of her car and beaten by the fashion police.

-Oh please God no.

JGT will be hosting the 4th annual holiday spectacular this week at all quizzoes. It will be the same questions throughout, so I am asking that all teams just play once this week. So brush up on your Christmas movies,find out what a chanukkiyah is, and come on out and party!

Hey gang, the Philadelphia Committee to End Homelessness was overjoyed with the $307 we raised for them a couple of months ago, and in the spirit of the season, we're gonna raise some cash for charity again this week. We'll be giving to a charity we gave to last year at about this time, the Utility Emergency Services Fund. It's a charity that helps low income families pay their utility bills, which is of course vital in the winter. I am asking each person who plays this week to donate at least $1 to this worthy cause. Also, I would like to remind male quizzo players that I have many of your New Years Resolutions already taken care of. I'll talk to some of you this week about what you will be doing next year to help make Philadelphia a better city. More details to follow in the near future.

What was the name of the Grinch's dog? (Do not answer below)

In what movie does a serial killer return to earth as a snowman?

What Olympic gold medalist makes an appearance in Scrooged?

Fill in the blank: We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with ____________. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of a******* this side of the nuthouse.

(The Jams, looking to improve their image, had the lovely ladies of Leftover Crack pose for the past match photo.)
Who stars as Harry Lime in the movie Home Alone?

What does the Little Orphan Annie decoder pin tell Ralphie to do in a Christmas Story?

In what Christmas classic will you find Drew Barrymore's Grand Uncle?

And you people thought the the War on Drugs was a complete failure. You couldn't be more wrong.

Yo, I love McNabb and all, but how fun is it to see a quarterback play with some emotion? Especially when he plays like Jeff Garcia. If this guy was about 7 years younger, we would have a full fledged QB controversy on our hands next year. (Oh, and if one person chants "We Want AJ" at the Falcons game, you are allowed to shoot them with a flare gun). And doesn't Garcia look kind of like an elf, something that should bode well for us on Christmas Day? Garcia vs. TO. This is gonna be awesome.
Related: Eagles kick Giants asses. Sweet!

Yeah, we're going to have a very special Holiday edition of the Wheel of Terrific tonight, followed by a showing of the Grinch cartoon on the big screen! After that they will also be showing Home Alone. The Wheel kicks off at 1003 Arch at 7:30 p.m., and then you'll get to see the Grinch like you've never seen him before!

We got the party started on Monday with Beerfest and I can honestly say that we had a blast. The Wheel of Terrific included beer bonging, a schwag beer taste test, and a very special appearance by Lindsay Lohan. It may have been the highest energy crowd we've ever had for the WOT, and it was awesome. The movie was actually a lot better than I thought it would be as well. Then, after the movie Ginger and I engaged some worthy opponents in a hard fought game of beer pong.

Continue reading to see the winners this week, the toughest questions of the week, and whether or not your team makes the bold print.

Here is the opening paragraph of a story out of Turkey: A crew of mechanics at Istanbul's airport were so glad to be rid of some trouble-prone British-made airplanes that they sacrificed a camel on the tarmac in celebration — prompting the firing Wednesday of their supervisor.

Isn't it a miracle that every plane flying out of Istanbul hasn't come crashing down to earth moments after take-off, when you consider that these Neanderthals who SACRIFICED A LIVE CAMEL ON THE TARMAC were the mechanics! Also, keep in mind that this is Istanbul, the metropolitan hub of the country. Can you imagine what they are sacrificing in the small villages? Gypsies? Finally, I can just can just imagine a sweet old American couple who have taken their first big overseas trip in a while sitting in the airplane as it coasts toward the tarmac, having just arrived in Istanbul.

Woman: Hey sweetie, my eyes are bad. Can you tell me what those gentlemen are doing over there?
Man: Hmmm, it's hard to tell. Let me just get my binoculars. OK, let's see...JESUS F****** C*****!!! These maniacs are sacrificing a live f****** camel! I told you we should have gone to Paris!"
Turkish officials fire airport chief mechanic over camel sacrifice.
AND SINCE WE'RE TALKIN' 'BOUT CAMELS Scouting out Camel Toads at the pool, the funniest letter to an advice columnist ever sent (sfw).

AI is like that girl that you wanna hate, that it makes total sense to hate, and all your friends think you should hate, but there is something about them that you just can't help but love. Damn, we gonna miss you, Bubbachuck. (Lots of spine tinglers in this video. Sort of safe for work, but 2Pac drops a couple of cuss words in the songs, so be cautious.)

-David Duke takes on Wolf Blitzer on CNN. At one point, David Duke actually says, "You can't handle the truth." In other news, David Duke apparently has a very firm grip on the truth.

-TO says, "Stop Snitchin'!"

-Santa News! First, a man curses out Santa at Plymouth Meeting mall. Second, the Running of the Santas is taking place this Saturday. Yeah, you heard me. The Running of the Freaking Santas. Damn, I love this city.

-Thursday With Ginger coming this afternoon.

Now as you know, Johnny has long had a rivalry with Fado quizzo. And it just got a little hotter, as JGT decided to swing by Fado after the Black Sheep for a New York minute with Trivia Art Wednesday night. Once he arrived, he was informed that earlier in the evening, the quizzo host at Fado had stated, "Johnny Goodtimes sucks." Since there has yet to be confirmation of the statement, JGT has elected to remain silent on the matter. Bobby Badtimes is expected to weigh in on the matter as part of his holiday address in the coming weeks.

But it was what happened as I prepared to leave that was really worth repeating (yeah, I just switched from the third to first person. I can do that. It's my website.). Suddenly, this girl just walks up to me and says, "I told that guy that if he didn't stop f****** with me I was going to tell my boyfriend," this complete stranger says to me excitedly. "My boyfriend is in the Irish mob, and he will KILL you." Noticing that my eyes got kind of big at this statement, she soothed me with, "Not you, this is what I told the guy who kept f****** with me." She then bragged, "My boyfriend is in the Irish mob, and he has killed over 20 people since moving to America without getting caught, so I am not someone you want to mess with." She then stormed off. As a public service, I would like to alert the local citizenry that there is apparently an Irishman in the city who has killed over 20 people here, and Lord knows how many he killed in his homeland before sailing over. Be wary of all Irishmen! If you see someone who looks Irish approaching, just start running and screaming, "Killer!!!" This should frighten them off.

-Yeah, yesterday I wrote about the Junkyard Dog, and today I'm looking at birthdays and guesss who would be 54 today if they were still alive? Weird. Man, makes me wanna grab them cakes!

-Men do not think about sex every 8 seconds. That is an unfounded myth designed to make us look bad! We think about a lot of things other than sex. A random sampling of my thoughts over the past 8 seconds confirms this:
Bull riding is my new favorite sport; Hamburger Helper is delicious; I wonder what my fiancee is up to.
See, one about sports, one about food, and one about a person who is as nearly as dear to me as I am to her. And nothing about sex.

-Dr. Phil kicks the creator of Bumfights off his show. I hope that dude that created Bumfights drives off a bridge. A tall one, where he has a lot to think about before he hits the water.

-There is something weird going on here. I got up at 11 and now it's almost one and there is no way I've been sitting here at this computer for two hours. Something is up, and it is unsettling.

What's the best gift you ever got for Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus, etc.? That's a tough one for me. I remember one Christmas I spent the night at my grandad's house on Christmas Eve and in the morning I received the Atari game Real Sports Football and was tortured b/c my Atari was at home and my grandad didn't have one. But my sister got a chalkboard, so I commandeered that and spent the morning drawing up plays for my game. Which, considering the sophistication of computer football games back then, made about as much sense as drawing up plays for Pick Up Sticks. I also remember the year I got a Steve Bartkowski jersey. Seriously. That was pretty special. But probably the most memorable was when all I wanted for Christmas was a Junkyard Dog wrestling figure and Santa drove 100 miles away to find one, but the place didn't have it, so Santa had to write me a poem explaining why I wouldn't be getting Junkyard Dog that year. (I'll ask my mom if she still has Santa's poem stored somewhere. If so, I'll be sure to post it.) Instead I just got a Rowdy Roddy Piper rasslin' figure By itself. The Rowdy Roddy Piper figure did a lot of interviews that year, and occasionally had a "midget match" against GI Joe action figures. What about you? What was the best/most memorable holiday gift you ever received?

-New York always has to one up us, don't they? Our Taco Bells serve bad onions, so they get a restaurant which serves polonium-310. Touche, NYC. Touche.

-What's the big deal about Nicole Richie driving in the carpool lane? Who, in an effort to get somewhere on time, hasn't pulled a "fast one" and slipped into the carpool lane for just a few minutes? High on Vicotin? Driving the wrong way?

-I'm still loving hot chicks with douchebags.

-Quick reminder: Carpe Diem, because no-one is promised tomorrow.

-Attention girl at the gym with the pretty eyes that I tried so pathetically to hit on today: If you are reading this, I want you to know that I'm not usually that big of a weirdo toolbag. Nevermind, yes I am. Damnit!

As many of you know, my good friend Trivia Art runs a popular local website called Foobooz, where he searches out the best food and drink deals in town. Every Tuesday, he's gonna come on this website to talk about some of his favorite spots around town that are also a great deal. Here's his first:
If you're familiar with Foobooz at all, a guide to eating and drinking in Philadelphia you know it serves multiple masters. On one hand it aims for a place in the foodie's heart, highlighting what's new and coming soon on
Philadelphia's dining scene as well as what's creating the loudest buzz. On the other hand Foobooz is a frugal boozer's good friend, putting the spotlight on drink deals around our fair city.

So for my first column on johnnygoodtimes.com, which master to server? Well luckily there are places like Little Fish and their Sunday night prix fixe dinner. Just $28 gets you five courses of excellent seafood, and since it's a BYOB, no expensive liquor bill.

Who played the role of Carly Reynolds in Beverly Hills 90210?

The lovely Ginger and I are in the midst of something devious. We will let you know what we are up to later this week, but I just thought should know. No, we are not making out with each other. We did that once, in 2003, but it was like when Brandon Walsh and Valerie Malone (played by the lovely Tiffani Amber Thiessen. Meeeow!) started to make out in 90210, we just started laughing and said, "This is stupid." So we won't be going there again.

Beerfest, a film produced by the guys who brought you SuperTroopers, will be showing tonight at the Trocadero (1003 Arch). A film that you should be drunk to see at a place where you can not only drink to your heart's content, but you can also win free beer! The Wheel of Terrific will be kicking things off at 7:30p.m.

How many miles away is the sun from earth?

What book is Sun Tzu best known for writing?

What Washington insider and complete f****** psychopath founded the Washington Times, a conservative paper, in 1982?

What was the name of Kate Winslet's character in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind?

This man was the host of talk soup from its inception until 1995, appeared in Invincible, and starred in Little Miss Sunshine.

Ok, sunshine state is too easy. What is the sunflower state?

Alright, I'm throwing up questions this week about sunshine, since today's weather has me giddy. So post your answers in the comments section below the pics. ONE GUESS PER PERSON!

Am I the only one one with extremely mixed feelings about AI's impending departure? On the one hand, this team was going absolutely nowhere with Iverson on the team, and I really wouldn't mind getting some young talent or some draft picks in return for him. And to be honest, I really haven't paid much attention to the Sixers in years,so I won't miss him that much. But he was a lot of fun to watch play, and I certainly appreciated the way he left it all on the floor every night. He reminds me a lot of myself as a player except that he is, uh, really good.

Now that I coach a little league team, I can't really hold Iverson up as a role model, though. Anytime I want a kid to try harder or show some hustle in practice I can't really say, "Do you think this is the way AI practices?" because the answer would be "Yep." And when guys are making fun of a teammate, I can't really ask, "Do you think that this is the way AI talks to his teammates?" because he doesn't exactly come off as a team leader. So in both cases I have to revert to Dwayne Wade and Lebron James, who are much better role models than AI.
RELATED: JGT vs. AI

Wow, this was a wild one. Started with the Eagles game at the Troc. The Wheel of Terrific was pretty good, though we did one skit called "What did you 'Putin' My Sushi" that was high on concept but came off like a ton of bricks. But the other games went well, and the $100,000 Pyramid is always a huge hit. The game was great, of course, as the Eagles pulled of a win. BeerFest will be showing on Monday.

See if your team made the bold type and see if the Sofa Kingdom got upset in the Bounty Bowl after the jump,.

Yeah, I'm working on the Week in Review, but it's slow going b/c I actually went out the last two nights. And by went out, I mean, didn't go anywhere but hung out at whichever bar I finished up quizzo at. Think I'm gonna take it easy tonight afer B-ball practice. Also, men who regularly play quizzo: I've got your New Year's Resoluton all taken care of. Don't worry about it. I have a very exciting goal for 2007 and you are going to help me achieve it by being better people. Details forthcoming.

A lot of people asked me about flagpole sting after last night's question, "What fad was Shipwreck Kelly the king of?" There were tons of people climbing flag poles back then, so it must have been kool to look up and just see a bunch of people perched like birds all over the landscape as you made you way to work. Anyways, here is the best write up on it I could find.

JGT: Old age and bitterness has caused me to become a rather dull stick in the mud who rarely ventures outside my freezing cold fortress. Therefore, in an effort to keep the website lively, I have brought on beer lass and local bon vivant Suzanne Woods (aka "The Lovely Ginger), who is always out, drinking good beer and eating great food throughout the city, despite having absolutely no money. She knows "what's up" and is, quite frankly, much hipper than I. She also knows lots of hot chicks, as she is the force behind "In Pursuit of Ale", the female beer drinking club in Philly. Here is her first of what will be a weekly column every Thursday.

For those of you who haven't met me, I'm Ginger, Johnny's leading "lovely assistant." He coined that not me....I'm sort of his Vanna White. She actually has it much easier than me. I don't think Pat Sajak is nearly as high maintenance as Johnny.

The lovely Ginger and I hit the road today, looking for a place to hold Quizzo Bowl 3. We started at the Mummers Museum. If I held it there, we would do it on Sunday, January 28th or Saturday, Feb. 3rd. Tickets would be $20, but that would include all you can drink (beer, well drinks, and wine). We'd have snacks, but no real dinner food. We also checked out the Golden Palace, that crazy looking Chinese place in South Philly. Big and tacky, with a great stage. It's BYO, but I would probably try to get a beer sponsor, and make it $15 all you can drink beer. Of course, you could also order off the menu. Again, Sunday the 28th. And then there is the World Cafe. The only date they can give me is friday, January 26th. Don't know why, but something about a friday jsut seems weird. Tix would probably be $12-$15, but you'd have to pay for your own booze and food. Of course, it is the nicest facility with the best acoustics. Not sure if I could get the Crowd Pleasers, though, b/c they usually play at Bob and Barbara's on fridays and don't know if they could get out of it. Anyways, please give me your thoughts below. Would a friday work, do you think? Also, we will shortly have our first post from Ginger on our first ever "Ginger Thursday."

I liked the Mummer Museum suggestion. I just spoke with them on the phone. I think I'm gonna go check out the space now and see if I think it's big enough for our purposes. I'll keep you updated.

Several people have asked me this week if my search for a frontier woman paid off. Well, I wouldn't say it paid off, per se, but I definitely got some fun responses. For example: I am up to my winter weight and can shoot a gun. I can also russle up some squirrels and make you the best gosh darn squirrel soup u ever had. Can I bring along my man and the 10 young'uns with us though? Another tried to sell me on her attributes: I have a conestoga wagon, 3 oxen, 25 lbs of boiled potatoes, a whittlin' knife and an iron skillet. And one tried to sell me on her heritage: have you found someone to take your trip with you? well, if not i maybe of help...it is rumored that i am a tiny part blackfoot. i might just be able to get the savages to cut some slack.

Who says frontier romance is dead?

-Nickelback is so talented that some of their songs sound exactly the same! Celine Dion and Nickelback. If we do suspect Canada of having WMDs, I don't care how shaky our intelligence is, I say we bomb them back to the middle ages.

-Jessica Simpson blows it on stage.

-Doc Watson's reopens! As part of their grand opening, they are running a contest. First 120 teenagers into the attic get a free tuna melt. I keed! I keed!

-Phillies trying to land Freddie Garcia, which would be awesome, though we might have to give up Aaron Rowan.

Happy birthday to comedian Steven Wright. Here are a few of his great one liners:
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Half the people you know are below average.

"Did you sleep well?" "No, I made a couple of mistakes."

What's another word for Thesaurus?

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms
with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?"

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I wear my liver on my pant leg.

I xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra xerox machine.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the
ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier...I put them in the same
room and let them fight it out.

Still in talks with the World Cafe Live about QB3. Hoping to work something out, but we haven't found a date that works for both of us yet. If it can't be worked out, does anyone know of any place that serves booze that can fit 300 people seated? Don't worry, it's definitely gonna happen, but I just wanna cover all my bases. If you know of any good spots, please leave them in the comments below.

On Monday night Eagle fans at the Linc got a chance to show the world that not only are they obnoxious and rude, but also complete f****** idiots who don't know the game of football. And boy did they make the most of it! When Jeff Garcia, who threw for 312 yards, 3 TDs and no interceptions, went down after a couple of hard hits in the 3rd quarter, Eagle fans cheered. Yep, there were our fans, in front of a national audience, cheering an injury to their own player. I mean, at least Michael Irvin played for the other team! The neanderthals then booed when Garcia stayed in the game. Why? Because they think AJ Feeley is the 2nd coming of Joe Montana. Yes, that AJ Feeey, the one who couldn't beat out Jay f****** Fiedler for a starting job in Miami. Yes, they were booing a QB who has twice thrown for over 30 TDs in a season b/c they think their savior is one who has thrown 19 TDs in his entire career. Of course, these are the same fans who thought all season that the real problem with the team was McNabb, who is one of the best QBs in the NFL, so what should we really expect from their feeble minds? I hate to say it, but the idiot fans of this city don't deserve a parade.

***Btw, did someone at ESPN read my blog and want to piss me off? Was I the only one who noticed both a feature story on the booing of Santa before the game and two long interviews with Rocky?

A lot of youse been wondering where I've been. Well, it's simple. I've been spending a lot of time in exotic foreign places that people like you can't afford to go to, and spending my evenings wining and dining women who wouldn't give losers like youse the time of day. Finally the funds ran a little low, so I agreed to write a little piece for this pathetic website that about two of youse read for anything other than the question of the week. Here goes:

Hey hipsters. I've had just about enough of you greasy annoying whiners who buy $10 ugly ass shirts at a second hand boutique for $20 so you can say that it's used and listen to bands that suck on the offchance that the band gets a record deal someday so that then you can say that you saw them at the Khyber back in the day and "To be honest, you weren't really that impressed." Hey hipsters, here's a few tips: pants legs rolled up look stupid, bed head looks stupid, you are ugly, you are an idiot. I hope Vladimir Putin finds you and slips polonium 210 into your Pabst Blue Ribbon.

The first female member of Congress was also the only person to vote against declaring war on the Japanese after Pearl Harbor. Who was she?

-Hey, do you think this is gonna work? (Be sure to scroll down and see accompanying photo. SFW).

-Congratulations Good Dog! Craig Laban says they have the best cheeseburger in Philadelphia. (Inky via Foobooz.)

-Don't worry. Just because Rummy left doesn't mean we still can't torture US citizens w/o charges against them. (NY Times)

-Happy 43rd to pole vaulter Sergei Bubka (pronounced, delightfully, Sir-gay Boob-ka)) and happy 37th to Jay Z.

-It was on this date in 1872 that the ghost ship Mary Celeste was discovered, in excellent condition, with nothing missing but the passegers and crew. What happened? The Straight Dope investigates.

Please vote in the poll in the right and let us know if it would be worth our while to show Casablanca on the big screen at the Troc.

Here's the thing gang. If we win tonight, we will be tied for the 4th best record in the NFC! As much of a total disaster as this season's been, there is still a chance to turn this thing around and make the playoffs. But we have to win tonight. As one of America's greatest band ever said, "Don't Stop Believin'". So come out to watch the game on Philadelphia's largest screen and come to the only place where you can watch and possibly even participate in the Wheel of Terrific. It's also dollar dog night, we'll be giving away a bunch of stuff, we'll have some speed comedy with some of philly's best young comedians, and beers will be super cheap. And it's free! Honestly, there is nowhere you can go in Philly and have more fun watching the game than the Trocadero (1003 Arch Street). See ya there!

Yeah, it's getting chilly outside, and you know what that means: that it is absolutely freezing in my giant old drafty house. Thusly inspired, the questions below all have to do with the cold. Please only one guess per person, and no googling for answers. Good luck!

This song has been recorded as a duo by Louis Armstrong and Velma Middleton, Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Jordan, Ray Charles and Betty Carter, and James Taylor and Natalie Cole, among dozens of others.

What group gave us the totally sweet jam, "Cold As Ice"?

Who appears briefly as the dead body in "The Big Chill"?

What adorable little creature had an arch enemy named Smedley?

What boring ass book did Charles Frazier write?

Who had a very popular album called Stone Cold Rhymin'?

We turned it up to 11 on Monday of this week, and it stayed one higher all week long. Spinal Tap played on Monday, and though I would have liked to have seen a few more of you who voted for it, I understand that it was the Monday after Thanksgiving, so I'm gonna let this one slide. We still had a good crowd, and they seemed to enjoy Wheel of Terrific games such as Big Bottom and Lick My Love Pump. I'm telling you guys, you've got to check out the Wheel. You all would love it.

Check to see if your team made the bold print, read about controversy on Tuesday, a major upset on Wednesday, and a bounty bowl, after the jump.

Took a few extra photos of several teams at Black Sheep and the Bards this week. If anyone wants to check 'em out, along with some other pics of mine, click here.

By now, you have all heard about the killer whale attack, and since I worked with marine mammals for a few years, I thought I would throw in my two cents. I am whole heartedly against killer whales in captivity. To be honest, I have very mixed feelings about dolphins in captivity, but not about killer whales. It is simply tragic that these incredibly intelligent creatures are kept cooped up in tiny holding areas, wasting away. In the wild, these creatures swim about 75 miles a day. Their holding tanks are usually not too much longer than the whales themselves. Their life spans are much shorter in captivity.

I have a good friend who is an orca trainer, and she is saddened by the treatment that some of these animals receive. While the trainers no doubt love the animals, there is a very powerful force at work here: this is a multimillion dollar industry and there are corporate interests that could care less about the condition of the animals, as long as they are healthy enough to perform and rake in money. Sorry to sound cynical, but I assure you I have seen plenty of this with my own two eyes. Exotic animals in captivity are a cash cow, and people who know very little about animals often run the financial side of things. These people don't care whether or not the animal is having a bad day or isn't in the mood to perform-that animal WILL perform, no questions asked. So the animal that dragged the trainer to the bottom of the pool may have shown signs of aggression earlier in the day, but that would not have mattered. The show had to go on, and the money had to be made.
RELATED: Sad truth about orcas in captivity.

Yeah, it's been a rough stretch. But here's the funny thing: We're still very much alive in the playoff picture, so this game does mean something. I mean, you know you're gonna watch it anyway, so you might as well watch it on the largest screen in Philly and drink cheap beer and eat dollar dogs and hang out with yours truly. Not only that, but you also get to see a very special Wheel of Terrific on the main stage. Hope to see you there.