November 2006 Archives

A photo of JGT that surfaced on the AP wire this morning has Johnny's fiancee angry, as well as leaders of LA street gang the Crips. "Johnny's fiancee, who finds him very attractive and thinks he has a great sense of humor, was not pleased when she saw photos of him seeming to enjoy a beer with another female after Tuesday night quizzo," said a friend of the couple who asked not to be identified. "When she saw the photo, Johnny fiancee said that he had 'humiliated himself' and then called him a couple of names I'd rather not repeat. Johnny ran from the room crying like a little girl. His fiancee is furious, but she still finds Johnny very handsome and charming. She loves tie dye."

Meanwhile, Lamar "Knuckles" Jackson of the Crips was not pleased with the photo either. "I am a big fan of Johnny's website," said Knuckles, who lives in Compton, CA. "I find it both informative and entertaining. But I am concerned by the fact that JGT seems to be a fan of our arch rivals, the Bloods. If you see Johnny," Knuckles continued while pulling a sawed off shotgun out of his closet, "Please ask him to reconsider his affiliations. I hear Southwest is flying onto Philly these days, and their prices are very reasonable."

Anybody for gettting up early on Saturday and going down to the Constitution Center? This looks pretty kool. From the Inky. Smerconish is kind of an idiot, but it would be nice to hear McCain, who I am a fan of.
Saturday morning, before the Army-Navy game, radio talker Michael Smerconish is bringing in one of his idols, Sen. John McCain (R., Ariz.) - he'll be rooting for Navy - for a town-hall meeting (topics: state of the nation, war in Iraq, the 2008 presidential race, the usual). The event starts at 9 a.m. at the National Constitution Center. The $12.10 ticket price (after his station, WPHT-1210) goes to the USO and includes admission to the center's exhibits. (Reservations: 215-409-6700.)

Hope you have a great birthday, Dad!

Check out th enew poll at the right, and let me know if you'd watch the Wizard of Oz at the Troc if we showed it on the big screen.

A friend of mine the other day, when I mentioned that we were gonna show Spinal Tap on Monday, said "That's one of those things that I feel like I'm supposed to like but don't like." I've heard in the past people say things like, "I don't like the Beatles" or "I hate Bob Marley." For me, I think it's Old School. Everybody thinks that movies hilarious, but I never really laughed much at all during it. I also hate the band Phish, though 8 years ago all of my friends thought it was the best thing to ever happen to music, and I don't care much for the Grateful Dead. What about you guys? What are things you are supposed to like but don't? Post below.

As I reported, Philly Mag last month had a very impressive cover story about the murder rate in our city, and for a fair second I thought the Mag might actually start writing about stuff that people off the Main Line care about. Well, they nipped that notion in the bud, trotting out the lamest cliche in the book this month. A cover story on (are you ready for this?) Rocky. Whoa! But wait, it gets worse. I actually decided to give the story, written by GQ writer Andrew Corsello, a try. Big mistake, b/c a few paragraphs in, I came upon this: "You're famous for your rotteness, you people." Oh God, here we go..."You're the ones who pelted Jimmy Johnson with snowballs." Are we supposed to be ashamed of this? Jimmie Johnson is a douchebag, and if I saw him on a snowy street, I'd hit him with a snowball today. "You're the ones who drove Mitch Williams to hermitude in Siberia or Katmandu or wherever he was sent to atone in silent prayer." Siberia? Nice fact checking job. Yeah, we were so mean to Mitch that he moved all the way to South Jersey, where he lives now..."the ones who booed McNabb on draft day." OK, so fair enough. That was stupid. Just end it there. You've got us beat, you made your point, just as long as you don't bring up..."the ones who rained boos and snowballs on Santa at Franklin Field." You did not just take it there. "Santa, for Christ's sake!" Yes you did. Way to deliver a punchline that ESPN delivers every single friggin' week. I guess you proved that Rocky isn't the lamest cliche in the book. The Santa snowball debacle is. You miraculously outcliched your own story, which was almost impossible to do. I knew that the TV show Hack took place in Philadelphia, but I didn't know it was based on your writing.

There will be a memorial sevice for Nate Wiley tommorrow at the Len Ellis funeral home on 529 Rising Sun Avenue from 9-11 am. Here are some tributes to Nate, and I highly recommend the short video
Video: A Taste of Nate
Related: Inquirer tribute
JGT Tribute to Nate Wiley.
The photo above is from an excellent article in the City Paper in 1998.

We're gonna be turning it up to 11 tonight at the Trocadero (1003 Arch) with one of the most kickass movies of all time, Spinal Tap! A very special Wheel of Terrific kicks things off at 7:30 p.m. Hope to see you there!

This question should not be answered below! It is the question of the week. What is the state fish of Hawaii? (Must be spelled correctly).

Officially it is Hawaiian Creole English, but what is Hawaiian slang usually referred to as?

Duane Chapman, a Honolulu resident, has a popular reality show that appears weekly on A & E. What show is it?

What were the Hawaiian Islands also known as from 1778-1848?

On which Hawaiian Island will you find the Mount Haleakala Volcano?

Well, it was 6 years ago this week that I moved back to the mainland after a 3 year stint in the Hawaiian Islands. So I'm gonna post last weeks winners with a question about Hawaii. Post your answers in the comments section below the stories. One guess per person.

Let's plow through this so I can get outside and enjoy this beautiful day. On Monday, we saw Strangers With Candy after a Wheel of Terrific that witnessed one of our funniest games yet, the $100,000 pyramid. I'm not going to explain it, b/c you might get a chance to see it again this week at Spinal Tap. But trust me, it's damn funny. It was the first time I had seen Strangers with Candy, which was actually a really fun movie.

On Tuesday, there were no surprises, as the Young the Old and the Restless won at O'Neals and the Sofa Kingdom continued their dominance at the Bards with a 102. Three members of Team MAGMA played at the Bards, finishing second. Will we see a new rivalry form? Only time will tell.

The JAMS were noticeably absent from the Locust Rendezvous, as the River of Rocks won with a score of 97. The Black Sheep was the scene of a shootout, as old timers the WTF came away with a 108-105 win over Satan's World, a superteam of the Minions and Duane's World.

On Thursday I came home, ate lots of turkey, and hung out with my peoples. On Friday I played in an alumni basketball game at my old school and didn't exactly shower myself with glory. I also realized just how pathetically out of shape I am, as some 24 year old hot shot on the team decided we should play man to man defense and a run and gun offense. About two minutes in, my tongue swoll up to about 4 times its normal size, restricting my breathing and leaving me gasping futiley for air. Meanwhile my legs began to wobble underneath me, causing at least some concern that I would simply callapse to the floor. Unlike most basketball games, scoring was not my main goal. Simply remaining upright for five straight minutes was a feat in and of itself, and after that time, I staggered off the court, proud that I had not humiliated myself completely. It wasn't until the fourth quarter that I would humiliate myself completely, as I blew three layups and airballed a three pointer (I told everybody that it was partially blocked, but no-one believed me) and we lost by 4. It was an ill fated return, like Jordan coming back to the Wizards, and the rest of the team whispered amongst themselves about how they would have won if it wasn't for me. I cried myself to sleep that night.

On Saturday, I saw my first ever girlfried, Mara. She broke my heart when I was 15, and I stayed up all night crying. We were together for over a month and a half, and it still ranks as one of my longest and most fruitful relationships. Anyway, she is now pregnant, causing me to finally come to grips with the fact that it's over between us and I need to move on. Well, that about wraps it up. I'll see you at the Troc manana for Spinal Tap. Hope you all had a great holiday!

My fiancee*** (above) and I would like to extend warm holiday greetings to all of you. I hope you have a safe and happy holiday, and I look forward to seeing you all again soon. I'll get pics and stuff up ASAP, though I'm not sure when that will be. Oh, and remember, Spinal Tap on Monday.

***There are rumors that the girl in the photo is not my fiancee, but is in fact a bartender at a local pub who humored me for like 15 seconds last night when one of my friends proposed we take a photo together. Nothing could be farther from the truth. She is in fact my fiancee, and she finds me very witty, charming and handsome. Let's review: Bartender at local Pub who finds me not the least bit attractive or interesting? NO. My fiancee who finds me very wonderful and terrific? YES.

Hey, I got a couple of things in this week's Philadelphia Weekly. First of all, I am on page 26 right next to Charlie Manuel which I am for some reason extremely amused by. I was asked what my favorite movie was. I think you people know what I answered. Then, I was on a pub crawl Saturday with the lovely Ginger (aka Suzanne) and Trivia Art when we bumped into Brook, a writer for the Weekly. She did a short write up about the evening. As for the, "So who likes hummers?" line, I think was actually talking about Jerseyites and their affinity for those obnoxious vehicles, not making a desperate pitch to nearby gay men. I did say that McGillan's Old Ale House had the whitest jukebox in Philly, but I then added, "It's even whiter than Ten Stone's," which is a real insult, since I have long held Ten Stone's jukebox to be the Holy Grail of crappy jukeboxes. As far as the "The opportunity is the beauty of being an American" line, Trivia Art seems to remember that I was trying to make a point about transvestites.

My own personal favorite line of the night was when we walked into Ludwigs, and there was a band that was playing the slowest, sappiest music ever. As we turned on our heels and walked out, I said, "Did somebody get their card? I want them to play my funeral." Finally, one last aside. When we went to the wine bar, we decided to order a certain type of wine simply because it's description read that it had "hints of ham". I took one sip, and exclaimed, "Mmmmmmm, it's just like a sandwich in a glass!" All in all, a damn fun night.

It was 43 years ago today that perhaps the most controversial event in US history took place, the assassination of JFK. A few months ago, I was lucky enough to visit the Book Depository Museum, and while it was a great museum, the adventure really got started when I got outside and a strange conspiracy buff named Sherman offered to tell me the real story behind what happened that day. It's a pretty good interview of a pretty wacky guyso check it out if you have a minute. I think you'll enjoy it.
RELATED: Crime library has the details on the assassination.

-Editor at Phillyburbs.com defends Michael Richards racist tirade, saying that maybe the blacks in the crowd deserved it, and that the media is at fault. In other news, Phillyburbs.com hires idiots to be their editors.

-Somebody named Tralfaz sent me this absolutely hilarious clip of Richard Simmons on Whose Line Is It Anyway. This is great. Every time I see Richard Simmons on TV, I think to myself, "Why am I not watching this guy every day?" Give this a talk show gig already! Damn!

-If you are going to make Nazi gingerbread men, don't put them in a hardware store window. For future reference.

-This from the Daily News: Kensington/Northeast-reared comedian John Kensil's been busy shooting television shows in Los Angeles, where he's been living for about a year. Kensil recently did bits in "How I Met Your Mother," "The New Adventures of Old Christine" and "King of Queens."

He'll also play a judge in the upcomingWill Ferrell movie "Blades of Glory," due out in March. Kensil's back in town, performing with fellow local comic Kevin Brennan at Helium (2031 Sansom) tonight through Saturday. For showtimes and tickets, check out HeliumComedy.com.

John is a buddy of mine (yeah, I'm name dropping. F-you, it's my website) and a very funny man. I highly encourage you to check him out this week if you get a chance.

Macy's sponsors a famous Thanksgiving Day Parade, but the tradition was started here Iin Philadelphia. Who was the sponsor of that first parade in 1920?

A-higgedy-hoy there matey, I giggedy-gots to flow
My saturday nights are live-er than joe piscopo
So yo, siggedy-save the bait for charlie tuna
See I be the boogie banger, like esiason’s the boomer
I’m higgedy-hots to trot, I giggedy-gots the motts
Jewels plus dreads, so toots, call me goldilocks
I ciggedy-catch the scoop from peter jennings
Do a spin like the mag and I slide like peggy fleming
Or a smiggedy-smack a man and choke ’em up until he squeals
I hawiian punched the captain and now I’m maxing with tenille
I piggedy-pack steel, I got a big gun
I’m freaking the track from brooklyn, yo, ’cause brooklyn’s where I’m from

There are only a few places I am sure to take family and friends when they come to town. They are, in no particular order: Jim's Steaks, the Italian Market, and Bob and Barbara's. And while B and B's is a great bar in its own right, there was something more than the smoky ambience and PBR specials that I wanted to be sure my family experienced in the limited time we had together in the city. That was the sounds, energy, and feeling brought to the room by the house band, Nate Wiley and the Crowd Pleasers.

Nate claimed in an excellent City Paper article in 1998 that he "didn't play jazz, he played liquor drinking music". Whatever the genre, Nate was as smooth as they come, and when I decided to hold my first big event in Philadelphia, Quizzo Bowl I, there was only one band I even considered as my musical accompaniment.

Not that Nate was easy to work with. He grumbled about showing up for a sound check, about parking, about how late the show was. And then he took the stage and, let's face it, saved Quizzo Bowl One. I had no idea what I was doing, and the event ran much longer than it should have. But the crowd perservered, and since most teams were eliminated after two rounds, I am convinced that that had more to do with Nate Wiley and the guys than it did with quizzo questions.

Before Quizzo Bowl Two, I asked the poll question, "Do you want to see Nate Wiley and the Crowd Pleasers again this year?", and the results were overwhelming. Over 90% of the people who responded said yes. They were not disappointed, as Nate and the Pleasers seemed to somehow take it up a notch from Quizzo Bowl One. And when, at the end of the that show, I asked the crowd to give a warm hand to the band, there erupted the most thunderous applause I have ever heard from a crowd of that size. I get chicken skin thinking about that moment, as the applause seemed to not only maintain but somehow grow as it continued, 300 people wanting to show their appreciation for what was simply a spectacular musical experience. And though I am sad to hear of his death, I selfishly feel lucky to have existed at a time and place where I was granted the opportunity to hear a true Philadelphia legend at his best. I am even more grateful that I was able to share many of those experiences with my family. Rest in Peace, Nate Wiley. You will be truly missed.

Fresh new kicks and pants
You got it like that now you know wanna dance
So move out of your seat
And get a fly girl and catch this beat
While it's rollin' hold on
Pump a little bit and let me know it's going on
Like that, like that
Cold on a mission so fall on back

When I'm called off, I got a sawed off
Squeeze the trigger, and bodies are hauled off
You too, boy, if ya f*** with me
The police are gonna hafta come and get me
Off yo ass, that's how I'm goin out
For the punk motherf****** that's showin out

Here's a murder rap to keep y'all dancin
with a crime record like Charles Manson
AK-47 is the tool
Don't make me act the motherf***** fool

But let me speak to the weak, I mean the rookies
My time is held up, extremely for cookies
Just let me clock this groove in ninety two
Hey, you don't bother me and I sure 'nuff won't bother you
And ah, you just watch a brother flowin' like Niagra
Think before you steppin, because these differences might stag ya
Although I'm labeled with the black fate
It's gold d's on my four and gold lex, cuz I got it made
I broke the veto once again because I had to
And just like Jody Watley, baby girl, I can have you
Just let me work this tongue, and yo, any way is ok
Your place or mine, all night until the next day

I got a letter from the government
The other day
I opened and read it
It said they were suckers
They wanted me for their army or whatever
Picture me given' a damn - I said never
Here is a land that never gave a damn
About a brother like me and myself
Because they never did
I wasn't wit' it, but just that very minute...
It occured to me
The suckers had authority
Cold sweatin' as I dwell in my cell
How long has it been?
They got me sittin' in the state pen
I gotta get out - but that thought was thought before
I contemplated a plan on the cell floor

The best oh yes I guess suggest the rest should fess
Don't mess or test your highness
Unless you just address with best finesse
And bless the paragraph I manifest
Rap prime minister, some say sinister
Non-stopping the groove, until when it's the
Climax, and I max, relax and chill
Have a break from a take of me acting ill
Brain cells are lit, ideas start to hit
Next the formation of words that fit
At the table I sit, making it legit
And when my pen hits the paper, ahh s***!
I stop and stand strong over MCs
And devour with the power of Hercules
Or Samson, but I go further the length
Cause you could scalp my cameo and I'll still have strength

It's time for everybody's favorite, rap questions. I'm gonna post rap lyrics under the pics of the winners. You're going to tell me what the song is and who the rapper is. Word to ya mutha!

Amy Sedaris and Stephen Colbert star in Strangers With Candy tonight at the Trocadero (1008 Arch). The Wheel of Terrific kicks things off at 7:30 p.m. Hope to see you there!

It started on Monday, with the Wheel of Terrific and Half Baked at the Troc. It was a very special Wheel, as the lovely Ginger filled in for Chip. The crowd was great, and went wild when we played "Stoner Price is Right" and "Who's the Dealer?" Another game that was a big hit was "Beer or Crap", as a lucky contestant picked the right box and went home with a beer instead of a Barbara Mandrell album.

The action continued on Tuesday, as at a charity gig at O'Neals on Tuesday night, a team called Flirting for the Cause blew the biggest 4th round lead in quizzo history, 18 points, to lose to 5 Infidels and a Heathen. (above)

Click Below to see if your team made the bold type, and to read the latest quizzo rumors.

Critics of Johnny Goodtimes were armed with fresh ammo on Thursday, as JGT hosted a corporate party for Merck in Blue Bell. "First, he's writing for Traffic.com, now he's hosting parties for giant pharmaceuticals," said longtime critic Spanky Twizzler. "Anyone who thinks that JGT is just some happy-go-lucky bar jockey who is doing this for the love of the sport is just deluding themselves. He is simply a commodity, selling out every chance he gets to special interests." When broached for comment, Johnny simply said, "You'll have to take this up with my publicist."

Meanwhile, Seven X's and a Y (above) emerged victorious at the event, defeating teams with such colorful names as "Table 6", "Table 5", and "Table 9". The Superheroes finished 2nd. The event was a lot of fun, then Johnny got lost trying to get back to the city. Fortunately, having previously dated someone in the suburbs paid off, as I recognized where I was at one point and was able to figure out my way back.

-Mike Tyson is set to become a male prostitute. His boss? Heidi Fleiss. I am not kidding.

-A woman from Charlotte came up to West Chester in the hopes of stalking Bam Margera, and disappeared. Like whoa, this is weird.

-Is Tom and Katie's baby, um, special?

-Unquestionably the hottest new word of the week is gyroball. Is it pronounced like year-o or Jie-ro? Does it even exist? Will simply attempting it rip your arms out of their sockets? Nobody knows!

-Week in Review coming soon.

In what could be termed a mild upset, the quizzo at Roosevelt's was named cheesiest quizzo. Goodtimes, who has made a career out of being cheesy, was a little disappointed, and even more so when Gervase was named cheesiest celeb. But he did get a bit of vindication when his former employers, the CIty Tavern, got named cheesiest dining experience. City Tavern. Philadelphia’s version of Medieval Times, but without any of the fun (or the drumsticks). You think it's no fun to eat there? Try dressing up in colonial garb and carrying a "Martha Washington turkey pot pie" to table 9. I don't know of a single server who came out of that experience without a severe dependance on alcohol.
RELATED: Philly Weekly tells us what's cheesy.

Mary Kate and Ashley are completely and totally out of their f****** minds. Just look at those eyes. Attention retailers: do not sell these poor girls black Nikes and purple armbands the next time a comet comes close. I'm just sayin'.

There is nothing less heartening than seeing some smoking hot girl who should be dating a sweet-hearted, handsome, intelligent soul like yourself walking arond with some K-Fed jerk-off wannabe with beaucoup de hair gel who hangs out at Bleu Martini, and who uses phrases like "beaucoup de" to say "a lot of". And designer sunglasses. Nothing says, "I like girls who wear Abercrombie and Fitch" like a pair of designer glasses. Am I right, fellas? I'm right. Well, finally, there is a website dedicated to this phenomenon, hotchickswithdouchebags.com. This is a great website.

Hey gang, I'd really like to show more old classics at the Trocadero, but I need to know if people would come to support them before I pitch them. I know there are a lot of classics out there that people have never seen on the big screen. So let me know if you would come out on a Monday night to see Dr. Strangelove, which is in the top 20 ranked films of all time on IMDB, by voting in the poll on the right.

If you ever decide to jump over the St. Lawrence River in a car, I highly suggest you do so in a 1970s Lincoln Continental. Apparently, those things fly like birds. Thanks, Duff, for sending this in. If you see something funny or amazaing on the net for me to post, just send it to me.

Now, as you all know, JGT is down with YouTube legend Average Homeboy. Therefore, I want you to vote for Blazin Hazen on YouTube, so that he can appear on Good Morning America.

Happy Birthday to former Supreme Court Justice Felix Frankfurter, who is best known for having the name Felix Frankfurter. Are you kidding me? What a kickass name! Thanks, Felix Frankfurter, and happy 124th birthday. We have another very special birthday today, as Judge Wapner turns 87! Sadly, the Ol' Dirty Bastard would turn 38 today if he were still alive. Here is a hilarious story of a nerdy white guy who used to get calls intended for ODB, since they both had the name Russell Jones.
Jones began to notice a pattern in the calls. There would be a few weeks of calm, and then the phone would start ringing five or six times a night. When this happened, Jones would say to his wife, “I think the O.D.B. did something.”

Spinal Tap won the vote, with with 29% of 158 votes cast, edging out Rushmore. So Spinal Tap wil be the film showing on November 27th. Thanks for voting, gang. And remember, you can't dust for vomit.

In addition to quizzo tonight, there is going to be a terrific comedy show. 16 of Philly's best comedians will be competing to appear on an upcoming show on Comedy Central. Comedians include Wheel of Terrific regulars Chip Chantry and Pat House. BEst part? It's free! Just make reservations by calling 215-496-9001. The show starts at 8 p.m., and will be at Helium, (2031 Sansom), which is right around the corner from the Bards. Show should wrap up around 10:15, giving you time to make it to quizzo. So check it out. I have seen a bunch of these guys live, and they are really good. This will be a great show.

I'm assuming the BCS is desperately hoping that Rutgers loses to West Virginia in the final game of the season. Otherwise, they will be left out of the college football championship for one simple reason: they weren't good enough in July, which is really when the NCAA championship should be decided, don't you think? Since the coaches didn't have them ranked back then, they can't have them at #3 now, despite the fact that they play the exact same schedule as Louisville and beat Louisville. Why was Louisville allowed to move to #3? Because they were ranked in the top 20 at the start of the season. If Rutgers goes undefeated, then a team eligible for the BCS will be one of two college teams to win all of its games and still won't get to play for the national championship. Which is patently absurd! If the Big East isn't good enough to play for the national championship, then they shouldn't be in the freaking BCS!

Of course, Rutgers in the championship game would be hard for the NCAA to sell. America hates the underdog. That's why Rocky fizzled at the box office, and why the the first two rounds of the NCAA basketball tournament are a yearly failure. Yeah, it would be a hard sell, a team that lost by scores of 61-0, 50-0, 80-7, and 42-0 in coach Greg Schiano's first year turning it around and playing for a national title five years later. I mean, I doubt it would be the greatest f****** sports story ever since the Miracle on Ice. Of course, if the NCAA had been in charge of the 1980 Olympics, they probably would have just handed a forfeit to the Russians since they were so much better. Idiots.

Trivia Art got much love from the Inky's blog of record, Blinq: But Foobooz takes the prize for best-tended food blog. Food, drink and deals is Arthur Etchells' beat, and if he was working the city desk, he'd be a cop reporter. There's always something newsy, like the latest post, which informs us that Le Bec Fin has just received five stars from Mobil Travel Guide.
RELATED: Foobooz.

Who starred as James Bond in the original 1967 film version of Casino Royale, Phineas Fogg in Around the World in 80 Days, and the Phantom in the original Pink Panther?

I've been kind of surprised at how shaken up I've been by the news of Philly native Ed Bradley's death. I mean, I don't know what it is, but I just got a lump in my throat when I heard he died and then I cried all the way through the 60 Minutes special last night. Maybe it was because my dad used to always watch 60 Minutes when I was a kid, and I've watched it on and off ever since, so I guess I heard Bradley's voice a lot more than I realized I had, and am just sad that I won't hear it any more. I was particularly moved by this line from Wynton Marsalis: "Oh, man. You know, they say that soul is when you have the ability to make other people feel better about being alive, regardless of their condition. And he possessed that in such abundance."

Related: Washington Post obit for TV legend.

Polls will be closing tomorrow in the vote for what movie we're gonna be showing at the Troc in two weeks. It is an extremely tight race as of right now, so your vote will make a huge difference. Just scroll down a bit and look on the right side of the page to vote.

Half Baked is gonna be showing at the Trocadero (1003 Arch) tonight, with the Wheel of Terrific kicking things off at 7:30 p.m. Tonight will include special co-host "The Lovely Ginger". Now, this movie is about weed, but I'd like to remind you: marijuana is a deadly, deadly drug, and anyone who is suspected of coming to this movie with a reefer buzz will be summarily executed. Discipline must be maintained.

Name 2 of the 3 left handed quarterbacks to start in a Super Bowl. I'll be real impressed if you can name all three.

Who is the only player to ever win two Heisman Trophies?

What ACC team defeated Cumberland College 222-0 in 1916 in the biggest blowout in football history?

What were the four NHL divisions called until 1993?

On what team were Herschel Walker and Doug Flutie teammates?

Who was the only player to win the MVP of both the ABA and the NBA?

Alright, guys, I'm gonna post the pics from last week with a sports trivia question underneath it. Sorry it took so long to get started today but the server crashed. Anyways, I'm gonna post a question and you post the answer in the comments section. One guess per person.

The week began with Rocky Horror at the Troc on Monday. We had a great crowd for the Wheel of Terrific, and they were treated to games such as "Jenga of the Undead" and "The Reverend Ted Experience", in which a contestant had to speak out about the abomination of gay marriage, then get a massage from a gay prostitute. Of course, they were also treated to sexy bartender Marianne (above) and a Rocky Horror troupe performing the movie onstage.

Click below to read about this week's major upsets and best team names.

Yo, peeps, where ya at? We democratizin' and s***. Vote for which movie you wanna see at the Troc on the 27th by looking on the right side of the page and voting. Word. Coming later this afternoon: The Week in Review.

Rumors of a love affair between rapper Eve and local quizmaster Johnny Goodtimes continue to circulate wildly in Goodtimes mind. "Yeah, things are going pretty well for Eve and I right now," said Goodtimes, who has been sniffing a lot of glue lately. "So today, for her birthday, I'm going to be taking her somewhere real nice, like Applebee's or maybe even Red Lobster. Anywhere she wants to go, provided I have coupons to said restaurant." And for dessert? "Well, let's just put it this way," said a coy quizmaster. "For dessert, we'll be going somewhere that starts with a 'D' and ends with a 'N' and has 'airy quee' in the middle."

Yeah, I blew it. I came home last night thinking I could line up a last minute flight. And I could have. But the tickets to participate in the tourney were sold out by then, so it looks like I'll be sticking around Philly this weekend. Anybody know anything fun going on?

Ancient Romans used urine as mouthwash, and Portuguese Urine was considered to be primo, only used by aristocrats. What's more, it actually worked! Urine contains ammonia, which is still used in dental products. Here's the lowdown.

Asked the secret of his staying power by a reporter who had watched a succession of women parade into, and out of, the champion's room, (former boxing champion Jack) Johnson supposedly said, "Eat jellied eels and think distant thoughts."

Mmmmmmm. Jellied eels.

Apparently K-Fed rocked the house last night in Chicago, playing to a pretty decent sized crowd once the House of Blues decided to make tickets free b/c nobody bought any. Here were some quotes from the story:
-"Hey, I see a lot of fine ladies in here," said the rapper. "You know I'm a free man, right, ladies? You wanna dance with a pimp?"
-"All my ladies," he said from stage, "I love you to death!"
-"Ladies if you're drunk, let me hear you scream!" he shouted. Later he added, "I represent the g–damned West Coast."
- "It's a party for K Federline. Gonna rock and roll," he announced.

Oh God Britney, can't you please just give him one more chance? Please? You can't let this kind of guy slip away! He's representing the g-damned West Coast, for goodness sakes! I mean, his album sold over 6,000 copies this past week (which is what I would expect to sell, honestly, if I released a rap album), and will probably end up selling around 2 million when all is said and done.

The World RPS Championship is on Saturday, but I haven't decided whether or not to play. I mean, I thought I could find a last minute cheap flight, but that ain't happening, and the drive is an all day event. So is it worth it to drive all day on Friday and all day Sunday to play RPS on Saturday? Not sure. Plus my little league b-ball team has a game on Saturday that I'd have to miss if I go. (BTW, we won our first game this past Saturday, which raises the obvious question: Am I the next Red Auerbach?).

Just wanted to say thank you! Wow, that Missouri race was extremely close, and who knows how many people who wouldn't have voted otherwise decided to vote after you opened your fat mouth and shook your body in an attempt to humiliate a handicapped guy who happens to be pretty damn popular? Who knows how many people were leaning toward the Repubs until your drug addled brain thought it would be a good idea to mock the handicapped, and then rethought their decision? I'd have to guess that it's more than the 2% of the voters who made the difference in the McCaskill-Talent race. And if Webb maintains his lead in VA, it will mean that your rampant stupidity will have cost the Republicans control of the Senate. So again, I say thank you!

I hope you don't think you'll be swept into the dustbin of history. Why, your legacy will never be forgotten. In fact, I hear that the dictionary is thinking of using your photo right beside the word "Failure".

I've dogged Philly Mag a lot over the years, and will certainly continue to gleefully do so. However, I must give credit where credit is due: they have an excellent cover story this month on the murder epidemic in our city. And I also appreciate editor Larry Platt's feelings on this topic: Last week, when our cover story on Philadelphia’s murder epidemic came out, it was met with some eye-opening examples of civic denial. The Greater Philadelphia Hotel Association accused us of sensationalizing because we didn’t say on our cover that “the murder problem exists primarily in North Philadelphia.” I responded by pointing out that we’re one city, one Philadelphia, and great cities tackle their problems head-on. Moreover, history has proven that you can’t flourish in the long run by perpetuating your own tale-of-two-cities narrative; you can’t maintain your soul while pretending that five-year-olds getting caught in the crossfire a mile to the north are not your problem. You do that and you can say goodbye to our upsurge in tourism, dining and the arts. You do that and you become Detroit.

Kick ass, Larry (btw, I'm being serious here, not facetious. I feel the exact same way that Larry does. ONE needs to be more than a logo for our football team. It should be the logo for our city.) This issue was so good, I've decided to forgive you for the parking lot debacle at the Best Of Awards!

As you might suspect, Johnny is devastated by Tuesday's events. First the breakup, then the Santorum loss; life hardly seems worth living. He will be spending the day in his basement, sobbing softly. However, he will bravely be on the mic hosting quizzo on Wednesday.

When he was an associate attorney for the law firm Kirkpatrick & Lockhart, what organization did Rick Santorum argue should be allowed to use steroids?

Remember when I had you nominate some films a few months ago for Movie Mondays? Well, we've already shown a few of them (Office Space, Big Lebowski, Rocky Horror), but we also thought it would be fun for you to vote for one that you want to see. So if you go to the right side of the page, we've nominated five films that you can vote for. Whichever film gets the most votes by next Tuesday will be shown on November 27.

Be sure to vote today! Here is an organization called clean sweep that encourages you to vote out all incumbents, PA Clean Sweep. Remember, when in doubt, vote against the guy who voted for a pay raise.

Well gang, we're three games into the NBA season, and it looks like I had some insider info that nobody else did. The team that everyone predicted to finish last (and that I predicted to win the NBA title) is the only undefeated team in the Eastern Conference. Coming only a few months after I predicted what all of my competitors would throw at the RPS championships, the question needs to be asked: Should my writings and actions be taken as prophecy?

I said, wait a minute, mister,
I didn't even kiss her.
Dont want no trouble with you.
And I know you dont owe me
But I wish you'd let me
Ask one favor from you.

The music's fading
The lights down low
Just one more dance
And then we're good to go
Waiting for someone
Who needs me
Hormones racing at the speed of light
But that don't mean it's gotta be tonight

Went to $hort Dog's house, they was watchin Yo! MTV Raps
What's the haps on the craps?
Shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em up, shake 'em
Roll 'em in a circle of n***** and watch me break 'em
with the seven, seven-eleven, seven-eleven
Seven even back do' Lil' Joe
I picked up the cash flow
Then we played bones, and I'm yellin domino

I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

The first time was a great time
The second time was a blast
The third time I fell in love
Now I hope it lasts

It's not far down to paradise
At least it's not for me
And if the wind is right you can sail away
And find tranquility
The canvas can do miracles
Just you wait and see
Believe me

I'm going to post pics of the winners, followed by the lyrics of various songs. You have to write in the comments section what song the lyrics come from, and the artist. Good luck, and no cheating! One guess per person.

Hey gang, we're showing the cult classic Rocky Horror Picture Show Tonight at the Trocadero. There will be a Rocky Horror troupe performing and selling bags of props for the film. Are you a Rocky Horror Virgin? Click "Continue Reading..." below to find out when to use your props. You can bring some props yourself, others will be provided by the troupe. And yes, we will be doing the Wheel of Terrific at 7:30 p.m. This is gonna be fun. Hope to see you there.

It all started on Monday (as so many weeks do) with a showing of Teen Witch at the Trocadero. Now, in case you are wondering who listens to the Preston and Steve Show, it is apparently women who just love Teen Witch. I suspect that they wouldn't do very well at quizzo. No offense, of course. But anyway, I told you there were gonna be a ton of women at this thing, and I was right. The Wheel of Terrific was pretty terrific, though Preston and Steve didn't seem real interested and just announced that we were doing "some quizzo thing" upstairs. I hate to say it, but it's true: Chip and I are a hell of a lot funnier than Preston and Steve. But they are obviously a lot more popular among the Teen Witch crowd. The highlight of the Wheel was when an unsuspecting contestant ate an apple filled with razor blades, though things did get a little bloody.

The 4th Annual Halloween Spooktacular began on Tuesday, as the Embarrasmintz returned to the winners circle at O'Neals with a 103-82 win over Johnny's Wig is Atrocious. A team consisting of two women was called I Hope I don't See Johnny in the Mirror tonight. (Congrats to O'Neals, btw, who not only won for best sports bar, but who also celebrated their 27th anniversary on Thursday). At the Bards, it was the Table of the Damned who earned a 95-86 win over the Dysfunktion, helped along by four points they earned by dressing up. Wednesday saw a blowout, and a huge upset.

Just want to thank televangelists everywhere for never failing to amuse with their crass hypocricy. Seriously, we should get a data base of everyone who donates money to televangelists and take them out behind a barn and shoot them, b/c we really don't need anyone that stupid to be breeding.

This from the City Paper, about La Lupe: The chorizo taco at La Lupe costs $2. That means two tacos = $4. S***'s tasty, too — poked with sprigs of cilantro, smothered in an alarmingly green salsa and served with a side of sliced cucumber.

Hey guys, I'm no food critic, but I'm pretty sure that if you're trying to talk up a restaurant, you don't use the term "s***'s tasty". Ever. Ever ever ever. Seriously. S***'s lame.

Other food news: We're still the best at tipping. As a long time former server, I say, "Rock on, Philly!"

There are a lot of haters out there, according to 34th Street Magazine, which today came out with a piece about Rock Paper Scissors. Of course, I just skimmed through the article until I found the part about me:
Johnny Goodtimes, the City League Champ and self-described "champion athlete," relishes talking to reporters and the film crew, and often repeats his grand and humorous statements about his famous win. Though he will play in Toronto, he has retired from American play because "I'm already an international megastar, due to the Quizzo empire, and I don't need the accolades and the glory and the casual sex and everything else that's attached to being a champion." Though he is being sardonic, there is no smile on his face and only a hint in his voice that he might be less than serious.

-Is anyone else having problems with fruit flies? I mean, it's not like I eat fruit, so I don't know what these guys are doing here. My mom said that she had 'em bad down in Virginia, but is anyone else getting them, or is my family cursed?

-King of the hipsters gets profiled. Those ironic hipsters love the fact that it's in Philadelphia Magazine. One of the hipsters sounds unironic, though, like a Rouge regular. Another Philly scenester at the table, Ryan Creed, tells me: "You’re right now sitting at the center of Philadelphia top-shelf, A-list hipster power." I laugh — and then realize he’s mostly serious.

-Tired of wearing those contemporary jerseys that show off your belief in Jesus? Then you need a Christian throwback jersey! (The girl modeling the Genesis jersey is way too hot to be a Christian.) Thanks to Phil for sending this in.

-Huge upset and somebody ups the ante on the Fado vs. Black Sheep quizzo rivalry. Details coming tommorrow.

In what has been judged the worst contest in the history of mankind, JGT has decided to announce the winners for the 2nd Annual JGT Haiku Extravaganza. Of course, the initial 31 haikus were lost to the machine, as they were eaten by cyberspace and will probably be seen on tv sets in England in like three years (updated link. Previous one to AI story made no sense. Everything about this contest is jinxed!) Anyways, three people pretty much provided all of the haikus from that point on, those people being Darth Ern, EE, and Palestra Jon. And they all had at least one good one. But Ern's were almost all about politics, so he was eliminated. Palestra Jon was able to note, in haiku form, how frustrated everyone was with the disastrous contest. His was third best:
He lost the first set
Five haikus the second time
This is all fake, right?

But EE did a better job. He was also able to convey the anger many felt toward the quizmaster with computer problems after JGT asked for more haikus. He finished 2nd.
I mean, why bother?
He'll only lose them again.
Let's murder Goodtimes.

But my favorite came from the Fink, and it had the most to do with this year's topic, murder:
Feathers are flying!
Clucking, pecking - then silence.
It's murder most fowl.

What the heck, the top three all get tix to Murderers, which is in it's final week this week! Contact me and let me know where I can hand off your tix. And I want to thank everyone who participated. Let's close with a haiku.
It was the host who
lost your haiku masterpiece
Or was it Badtimes?

Well, basketball season is here, and everybody is picking the Sixers to be awful. I am sort of an eternal optimist when it comes to sports seasons, only to be devastated by reality each and every time. Therefore, I am picking the Sixers to win this years NBA title. There are over 100 million websites in the world, and I'm pretty sure this is the only one bold enough to make such a prediction. Allen "Jewels" Iverson is going to rediscover the fire he had in 2001, C-Webb is going to make a comeback, Dalembert is going to come into his own, and this is going to be a breakout year for Igoudala. That and strong play from Rookie of the Year Carney is going to make this team a serious contender for the NBA crown. Hey nobody picked us in 2000 either.

And even if we do suck, let's at least take a year and appreciate what we have in Allen "Bubbachuck" Iverson, although I must admit that now that I'm coaching young ones, I hold up Dwayne Wade as a shining example more than I do Bubbachuck since Wade has a firmer grasp of the fundamentals and is much more of a team player. But it is fun to watch AI play, and since he is one phone call away from being traded, let's try to enjoy him while he's still here. Lets also dedicate ourselves to calling him Bubbachuck this year (that was his nickname in VA).
RELATED: JGT vs. AI

Movie Monday semi-regular Dawn shares my love of the greatest movie ever, but she now has one up on me: she met the master! Here is her report:
Okay it was the coolest thing ever! It was at Chiller Theatre this weekend (www.chillertheatre.com). He was so awesome. I acted like a total spaz. I packed all my Pee Wee stuff and dumped it on the table in front of him, including dvds, VHS, a lighter, etc. I printed the picture of me from the Troc in my Pee Wee shirt. He wrote on it Dawn, I (drew heart and colored it in) you! I could just about die right now. Miss Yvonne was there too. She was so sweet.

He wasn't even there promoting anything. Just was there for the fans, I guess. His manager flipped out a little when I pulled out an autographed picture of The Tripper I got from David Arquette (an upcoming movie with Arquette and Paul Reubens in it). But overall it was great. I can't stop smiling thinking about it. I hope he starts doing more appearances once he gets into his new flicks.