August 2006 Archives

Yeah, sorry peeps. I've been a slacker today. Somebody sent me an email telling me that I was being passive aggressive about something and then I called a smart friend of mine to find out what it meant and they told me that yeah, I am kind of passive aggressive, so then I was kind of pissed about these lies, but I didn't want to let on, so I just kind of dropped a few hints about how I felt about being called passive aggressive but didn't really confront it, because hey, it's all a bunch of lies anyway, right? And the next thing you know, it's time to work on my questions for tonight. So there you have it. And as far as my Pluto petition goes, it's fine. I didn't want you guys to sign it, anyway. So, it's kool. You guys didn't hurt my feelings by ignoring my heartfelt plea for help. So don't worry about it. Because it's no big deal.

If you are my age, you remember when it seemed like every hip hop album was an explosion of black intelligence and creativity, from the works of Public Enemy to De La Soul to Rakim. But the music has done a 180, going out of its way to ignore its roots. It seems that most current mainstream hip hop artists (with some notable exceptions, such as Nas and Jay Z) are modern day minstrels, acting out old black stereotypes for the amusement of what have become primarily white consumers. It is pathetic, and a part of me wishes hip hop had died in the late 80s like everybody thought it would. But this Roots album is a breath of fresh air, going against the grain, discussing the reality of inner city violence without glorifying it, intelligently rapping about politics, and reminding us that there are words that rhyme other than "crunk" and "drunk". The lyrics are awe-inspiring and personal, and the production is fantastic. Having been a hip hop fan for over 20 years, but having been completely turned off in the past few years, I want to thank the Roots for reminding me why I loved this type of music in the first place.

I will be hosting a Simpson's quizzo at the Franklin Institute on friday night. There is a presentation by John Dilworth, creator of Courage the Cowardly Dog. That is from 8-10 and costs $8. Quizzo starts at 10 in the planetarium and is free. While the questions will be Simpson based, there will be a few wrinkles thrown in to keep Simpsons freaks honest. And yes, they will be serving booze.

In a a startling announcement made earlier today, it was discovered that another human being besides Johnny Goodtimes had signed the "Preserve Pluto's Planethood" petition! "Wow, this thing is really starting to take off," saidan exasperated Goodtimes. "With this 'can-do' spirit, I think we should have Pluto relisted as a planet in no time." Critics, who had charged that this was, without question, "the least succesful petition in the history of mankind", are currently eating their words.

The Phils moved to within half a game of the Padres last night with a convincing win over the Nationals. The Reds have lost five straight and are tied with us at a half game back. Keep in mind, all three of these teams (including us) would be about 20 to 30 games under .500 if we played in the American League. These are all really bad teams. But that doesn't matter, and shouldn't stop us from cheering the Phils to go to the playoffs, where anything could happen (at least until the Series, where we would get swept by any team we played.) Of course, if we defeat the Padres by a game in the wild card race, I will be expecting a letter of thanks from the team, since I single-handedly costed the Padres a game in July.

And congrats to Ryan Howard, who tied Schmidt's team home run record last night. It's too bad steroids made the MLB home run record, once the most cherished record in sports, absolutely meaningless. Otherwise, we in Philly would be getting excited about the small but possible chance of Howard gunning for 61. God, I hope Bonds gets hit by a bus before he breaks Aaron's career record. I really do.
Related: When will Philly fans chase away Utley and Howard?

There are a lot of people asking me, "Johnny, what exactly is the Wheel of Terrific?" The only answer is, "You have to see it for yourself." There is no way to explain it, other than that it is excellent. The crowd on Monday was a little apprehensive about the wheel at first, and for a second I though we were gonna lose them. But there is one thing that happens once in every Wheel of Terrific, something so horrifying, so unexpected, that it won the crowd over, and we ended up having a great show. Of course, there will be no Movie Monday this week (Labor Day), but we will be back in action on the 11th with Office Space-and the wheel.

Puh-leeeeeeze.

Yeah, we had a bit of a server meltdown today, but it looks like the battlestation has been repaired and we back in business. Yee-haw. To be honest, I've just been sitting here all day, trying to deal with my laryngitis! Seriously. I would anticipate a lot of audio and pictures tonight, if I were you.

I want you guys to list below what movies you would like to see on Movie Mondays at the Trocadero. Write down up to three movies. Now, I don't want your three favorite movies necessarily. Yeah, I love Braveheart, but it's a little too long for the big screen. I want the three movies that you think would be the most fun to watch at the theatre with a group of people. And feel free to back up what someone else posts, so I know which ones are the most popular. Any movie, any genre, any era is fine.

Chip Chantry and I will be hosting the thrilling new game show that is taking America by storm, the Wheel of Terrific. Seriously, you owe it to yourself to see and possibly even partcipate in this game. Then, the movie playing is the horror film Silent Hill. Kickoff is at 7:30 p.m. at the Trocadero (1008 Arch Street).

What astronomer is credited with discovering Pluto in 1930?

As you might imagine, I am simply outraged by Pluto getting the shaft by so-called scientists. Well, I am not going to take this egregious act lying down, or even laying down. Whatever. I started a petition that we hope to send to the evil liars who perpetrated this fraud! I need your help to make Pluto a planet again! Also, check out the new poll on the right side of the page.
SIGN THE PETITION!!!

That's right, ladies and gentlemen, today is Pee Wee Herman's birthday. Happy birthday, PW!!!
Related: PW discusses his shady past with none other than Stone Phillips.

Tee-hee-hee-hee. Ha...Ha..HaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (gasping for air) HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! (Rolling back in chair, then falling backwards to the ground, but not caring.) HAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! (Rolling around floor, holding sides, happier than I think I've ever been.)

I will be helping to close out the animation festival at the Franklin Insitute with a Simpsons quizzo next friday night! I will have plenty more details at the start of next week.

The Sofa Kingdom won at the Bards on Thursday night, fighting off the Tribunal (These guys need to pick a name and stick with it, so they can get the props they deserve. They win fairly often, but they always change names, so nobody notices.) Then, after a lengthy discussion, they came back with a verdict. The Jimmy Swaggart sex scandal was funnier than the Jim Bakker one. "It's tough, because Bakker had Tammy Faye, who made the whole thing that much more amazing," said Parsnip Cabbagepaw. "But Jimmy Swaggart's confession was one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life. 'I do not plan in any way to whitewash my sin.' That is just comedy gold."
Related: Phil Hartman (most underrated comedic genius ever) plays Jimmy Swaggart on Church Chat.
Jimmy Swaggart Fun Fact!: Swaggart doesn't have the only great balls of fire in the family (zing!). His cousin is Jerry Lee Lewis.

MAGMA won at the Good Dog on Thursday, doing so for the third time in five weeks. The winner those other two weeks? The Axis of Evil Knieval. So while the Jams and Sofa Kingdom continue to win regularly without any consistent major threats on the horizon (thought there is a team that constantly chages its name which tends to give the Kingdom a decent run for their money on Thursdays), these two teams seem to be keeping each other in check pretty well. For you old timers out there, I still think that the Western Omelette vs. the Goats at the Bards in 2004 is still the best rivalry off all time, followed closely by WTF vs. the Missing Heads at the Black Sheep.

The Inflatable Haggis made a remarkably triumphant return to the Black Sheep on Wednesday. Playing for the first time since March, the squad edged Duane's World, 107-105. Perhaps even more incredibly, there is a band in the UK called the Inflatable Haggis. Did the quizzo team name themselves after them, or did the band name itself after the quizzo team? We hope to find some answers soon.

The Jams won at the Vous on Wednesday, then admitted that they probably would get drunker if they were in Milwaukee, which is the drunkest city in America. (We're only 9th? Come on. We can get drunker.) Trust Us We Know, who finished in second, would have been a lot angrier about the loss if they lived in Orlando (We're only 27th angriest. What the f***, Philly? 27th? Less angry than sissies like Charlotte and Denver? We need to get angrier. I think I know just the liquid to enable us to do so, and that way we can kill two birds with one stone.)

Now, as most of you know, the day I co-hosted the 10! show was one of the most memorable in the history of network television. Not because of anything I did, but because of what Bill Henley told Miss America. Well, those heady days of sly sexy innuendo are long gone, replaced by pizza giveaways that are remarkable only because of how awkward they are. In a desperate attempt to save the 10! show from getting away from what made it so freaking wonderful in the first place, I sent the following e-mail this morning. I'll let you know if I hear anything back.
I saw your Papa John's pizza giveaway today, and let's face it, it was one of the longest minutes in the history of television. Therefore, local comedian Chip Chantry and I, co-hosts of the "Wheel of Terrific" game show
on Monday nights at the Trocadero, have decided that we will graciously deliver the next pizza and deliver it with so much freaking excitement it will make your head spin. I look forward to hearing from you concerning this vital matter.

OK, to me the real shocker isn't the fact that George Allen uttered a derogatory term (uttering racial slurs doesn't necessarily hurt your campaign in the mountains of Virginia), the shocker is that he obviously doesn't know what freaking decade we live in. Had he never heard of YouTube? Does he not know about the Average Homeboy? YouTube can make you a star overnight, Senator Allen. Looks like you had to learn the hard way.
RELATED: Good article about Joe Vento's new favorite Senator in Salon.

The Sofa Kingdom won at the Bards on Tuesday, but their victory was overshadowed by the announcement that Pluto had lost its planetary status following evidence of a synthetic orbit. "I can't believe that these astronomers are going to try to take me out of hearts and imaginations of schoolchildren around the galaxy," said Pluto, who noted that styrofoam representations of the universe will take three minutes less to make. Astronomers have stated that "no planet is safe" from their wrath, as the public's trust in the planets has dwindled following a number of controversies in recent years. In 2002, mysterious "ice" was found on Mars, and don't think there haven't been questions about how Jupiter got so enormous (like it just woke up one morning and was 318 times the size of Earth?) and fast (rotates on its axis in ten hours, the shortest of any planet.) "We're looking hard at Jupiter," said leading astronomer Flip Randolph. "If we notice anything funny, we'll classify it as a red dwarf, no problem. We don't care if we need to eliminate all the planets and start all over again. If that's what it takes to regain the pub(l)ic's trust, we'll do it."

A'ight peeps, it's off to Spanish class. I'll holla atcha in the afternoon. In the meantime...it was at this time last year that I first heard from Killdozer, Jr. If you haven't read my correspondance with him, I highly recommend it.

Can't FInd Parking (aka Dork Sided) won at O'Neals on Tuesday in a thriller, 99-98-97, then announced that it was going to fully recognize the state of Franklin. Though the US Congress denied the claims of this city in 1785, the area (now located in Tennessee) hasn't given up hope. "Wow, now that Dork Sided is in our corner, the sky's the limit," said Franklin spokesman Franz Franklin. "I think we'll petition Congress again soon, and that we'll be the 51st state in no time."

OK, so it happened 95 years ago, but it's still a pretty kool story. Though the painting was stolen on August 20th, nobody realized it was stolen until the 22nd. (This is the French we're talking about here, people.)

Last night at the Troc was freaking incredible, as Chip Chantry and I hosted an amazing new game show, Wheel of Terrific, which featured kidnappings, John Mark Karr sightings, and balloons. I am going to highly suggest that you show up next week to see what is, honestly, the greatest game show ever assembled.

There will be lots of excitement at the Trocadero, as I will be hosting Movie Monday, with the highly regarded High Fidelity playing. I will be hosting the premiere edition of Wheel of Terrific at 7:30 p.m., your chance to win a variety of prizes for knowing movie trivia, performing charades, or just plain being lucky. It's going to be completely ludicrous, and quite possibly disastrous. There's only one way to find out. Be at the Trocadero at 7:30 p.m. tonight.

Today is Kenny Roger's birthday. His Greatest Hits album was the first record I ever owned (Yes, I was a little redneck, and yes, I'm old enough to have had a record player as a child). Anyways, that inspires our question of the week: What band wrote the song Islands in the Stream, which was made famous by Kenny and Dolly?

After mulling over the details of the case for just under a minute, Johnny Goodtimes changed his mind a few moments ago and decided that JM Karr is innocent. "Yeah, he just wants attention. It wasn't him. I, possessing an uncanny foresight, can see through his little game. He wants us to think he did it, but I happen to know the human mind a little better than you people, so I know what he's up to."

The Sofa Kingdom only missed one question on thursday night, but still didn't come away with a victory, as Narkotizing Dysfunktion also only missed one question, and then came much closer in overtime. (What year did the Bards open for business? 1996.) In an interesting twist, they both missed the same question-which happened to be the only question the last place team got CORRECT in Round Four. The question was, "What's the only word that appears on all standard US coins but not on US dollars?" Both teams answered cent. The answer is Liberty. "Cent" does not appear on the dime.

The Axis of Evil Knieval and MAGMA both took a perfect score into round number four, but it was the Axis who came up big in crunch time, and walked away with a win. In much more important news, we have learned that John Mark Karr, the suspect in the JonBenent case, like his coffee with cream, no sugar. He also brushed his teeth during the flight to LA. Make of that what you will. I think it proves that he killed her. I'll keep you updated with my very important conclusions about this case as they come into my head.

Hey gang, it's the final weekend to see the Two Gentlemen of Verona at the Philaelphia Shakespeare Festival. Tix are free, and it's going on tonight and Saturday at 7 p.m., and Sunday at 2 p.m. Matt of the Satan's Minions is acting in this production! For more info, check this out.

Johnny Goodtimes, exhausted by a week of leisure, was somehow able to muster the courage to telegraph us the following from the Black Sheep: Duane's World wins. Stop. Must get sleep. Stop. Week of Tecmo Bowl and relaxation starting to wear me out. Stop. Joan Benet Ramsey case has given me first real reason to live since OJ. Stop. I hope the media gives this story the airplay it so richly deserves. Stop.

The Jams won at the Vous on Wednesday, then downplayed the relationship they had with members of the Israeli mob. The team, which has been staying at an upscale beachfront house on the Schuylkill River, says that rumors that they'll have to pay the mob back for the hospitality when one of them makes it onto Jeopardy are unfounded. But a postcard sent to the Jams by a member of the mob stated that, "These $25 gift certificates to the Rendezvous ain't cuttin' it. You need to earn some cash...or else." Rumor has it that if no team members make the big time, Darth Ern will have to auction off his Death Star to raise the money.
BTW: The photo is of beloved Rendezvous server (and now manager) Mary Kay, who just started Law School. Congrats!

The Sofa Kingdom's win on Tuesday was overshadowed a few hours later, when it was discovered that a man named John Karr had been arrested by the fashion police in Thailand. "Yeah, I mean buttoning your polo shirt collar all the way is pretty much a 'creep alert'," said Ted Bartkowski of the Kingdom. "But wearing hiked up khakis with pleats, well, I'm just glad they caught this guy before he had a chance to dress again." (Oh,come on, like you people weren't thinking it.)

Don't You Hate Clothes won at O'Neals on tuesday, but Johnny seemed to have his mind elsewhere after the event. It seems that ever since he got Tecmo Bowl downloaded onto his computer, he hasn't been able to talk about much else. "Bo Jackson got hurt in the last game, so now I've got to rely on Jay Schroeder's arm to get me to the playoffs," said Goodtimes, who is playing with the Raiders (the game was created in 1991). "It's not going to be easy. I've got to get by Ickey Woods and the Bengals next week."

I've got an appointment, but I'll be back to post photos this afternoon. In the meantime, check out today's Metro. My man Chip Chantry got interviewed. He'll be appearing with me this Monday at Movie Monday at the Troc, as we act out scenes in some of the greatest movies ever and you have to guess which movies they are. More details forthcoming.

I'll have results from this week's quizzo manana, 'cause it's too nice to not go to the ballgame today (did you think the life of leisure thing was a joke?) But here's the article that kind of inspired the literature round. Fun article about the original titles of books. It's where I found out that F. Scott wanted the Great Gatsby to be called Trimalchio in West Egg. Meanwhile, there was a lot of fuss about Indianapolis in terms of Daylights Savings Time. Here's the thing: After years of not having DST, Indiana just passed a law this year that makes them have it. A few counties are still central standard, but Indianapolis is not one of them. A lot of you missed the Average Homeboy, which means that, apparently, nobody reads this website, since I talk about him all the time. Here is the interview I did with him. You must watch the average homeboy video if you haven't already. And of course there will be all new questions tonight.

One of my favorite poets would be turning 86 today. He's one of those guys people tend to either love or hate. But at the very least, I suggest you drink a cheap beer and read a little bit of his stuff today.
RELATED: Bukowski's b-day last year.

“Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I'll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities.” -C. Bukowski

...If the Amish want a little bit of claipping (number 2 definition) revenge? Well, tonight would be a great opportunity for them to throw rocks at someone
RELATED: Claipping at Quizzo.

Johnny has not met any new hookers in the last 24 hours. We'll keep you updated.

It's Wednesday, and you know what that means. Yep, I've got Spanish class with my ridiculously hot and tragically married Spanish teacher. So I'll have to holla back in the afternoon. But here's a couple of things to tide you over. Dan over at Blinq discovers a poll that reveals that the people of this region are a bunch of idiots. I think these people just polled hipsters and Jerseyites to get these results. And the lovely Ginger, aka beer lass Suzanne, is featured in this week's Philadelphia Weekly, which discusses her beer club for women. I'm totally gonna crash one of their parties. Hot girls who join a club to drink beer? I checked out the myspace page, and I think I'm in love with about nine of them.

I've seen Pee Wees Big Adventure like 50 times, and I've never had as much fun watching it as I did last night at the Trocadero. We had some fun pregame with Pee Wee trivia, then an overflow crowd packed the balcony to watch the greatest film ever made. At halftime, I gave away more free stuff, and Matt won two tickets to see Clap Your Hands Say Yeah by doing the best Pee Wee impersonation, knocking off three other competitors. The entire crowd singing "The stars at night..." nearly brought me to tears, I was so moved.

Me and some peeps then headed to Bar Noir where, I kid you not, I got into a conversation with a hooker. I mean, I should have known when this drop dead gorgeous black girl started flirting with a guy who looks like Pee Wee Herman, but she didn't beat around the bush or ask me to pay her tab or pull any other Detroit moves. She told me what she did, we chatted for a while, and that was that. She was really nice. I then kicked it with my peeps until the wee hours and watched some bad stand up comedy (though my man, local comedian Chip Chantry, killed it). Finally, I returned home and played some Tecmo Bowl, which I have downloaded onto my computer. It's incredible. For more pics from last night, click below.
NEXT WEEK: High Fidelity, the only romantic comedy ever that doesn't suck.

What film was Paul Reubens watching when he was busted for inappropriate behavior in 1991?

Johnny Goodtimes was outraged when it was suggested that he would be dressing up for tonight's Pee Wee Herman party at the Trocadero (1003 Arch). "That is absolutely and unequivically (word?) false," said the steaming mad game show host. "I don't know where this rumor got started, but if I find out, they can expect to see me in a court of law." Goodtimes added that he will probably be dressed very conservatively, and that he may pop his collar, "Because it's really kool."
PRIZES: I've got Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Tix to Give Away and plus free beer!
ALSO: Pee Wee impersonation contest!

That's right people, there is a meeting of the Private Club of the Satan's Helpers at the Trocadero Theatre tonight at 7:30 p.m. Pee Wee Trivia will take place before the film at 7:30, so be there for your chance to win some fabulous prizes and possibly even some free beer! The film will begin at 8:00 p.m. Remember, this is the greatet film ever produced, so if you can't handle that, maybe you should stay home and talk about your feelings. This is gonna be fun, so I hope you guys can make it!
RELATED: JGT to host Pee Wee party for the ages!

It seems improbable now, with the love affair this city is currently enjoying with the two players. But history doesn't lie, and this city almost always turns it's back on it's best players. In baseball, who are the three best position players in this city in the past 25 years? They are Mike Schmidt, Scott Rolen, and Bobby Abreu. Mike Schmidt was despised by Philly sports fans, and Rolen and Abreu were both booed out of town. Philly fans bought the "clubhouse cancer" line about Rolen hook , line, and sinker. But when was the last time you heard him disrupting the Cardinals clubhouse? Abreu was this year's problem. A guy who gets on base roughly once every two times he comes to the plate is always a major problem. And look elsewhere. Donovan McNabb almost single handedly turned the Eagles from a doormat to a perennial powerhouse, and yet Philly sports fans chant the name of the backup as soon as he throws two straight incompletions. AI is one of the three best players in Sixers history, and Philly fans desperately want him gone. And so, the sad fact is that Ryan Howard and Chase Utley will one day hit a cold streak, and the fans of this city will immediately turn on them. Sorry to be a cynic, but history states the case: this isn't a matter of if, but when.

Jew Wouldn't Want to Be Mel Gibson won at the Black Sheep on Wednesday, despite what was, let's face it, a sucky speed round. Canadian capitals proved to be almost impossible for you lazy, ignorant Americans.

Some of you old school quizzo fans may recognize the guy in the upper left with the goatee. That's Doug the Professor, a contestant in the first ever "Be the Next Johnny Goodtimes Contest" in 2004. At the time, here's what he said about hosting quizzo at the Vous, which is alway the harshest one to host at for everyone who has ever hosted:
The crowd at the Rendezvous is very whiny. And fickle to boot. They jumped down my throat for asking questions about the Yankees. One gentleman said that every answer for my round should be, "Who cares? The Yankees suck." My favorite was the nice older man who pointed out that a train leaves for NY from 30th Street Station every hour, and I should be under one.

Stereotype or Generalization scored an impressive 113 at the Bards on Thursday night, then spent the remainr of the evening debating who was the hottest ever first lady (the topic of round three). "Dude, Jackie O was a straight up fox," said Howard D. Duck of the stereotypes, "But don't overlook Ellen Arthur. She was a flat out dame." Added Severn McGaskill, "Does Jane Wyman count? I mean really, doe. Bangin'."
Verdict: Not even close. Jackie O is so much hotter than the other first ladies that it's almost embarrassing. Coming Monday: ugliest first lady. Now, that's gonna be a hell of a contest.

MAGMA won at the Good Dog on Thursday, blowing out the Axis of Evil Knieval, in a match that only four teams participated in. The sparse attendance sent Johnny a loud and clear message: that no matter how many awards he wins, no matter how many publications write about him, and no matter how kool he thinks he is, he will never be more popular than Eagles preseason football.

The Jams won at the Vous on Wednesday, then admitted that they love the flamboyant referee. And reallywho can blame them?

Yeah, so I was, uh, featured on Sports Illustrated's website today. OK, so not exactly featured, but I was heavily involved in a piece about Donovan McNabb. OK, so I wasn't heavily involved, but my name was mentioned. Briefly. Whatever. The point is that this is Sports Freaking Illustrated, which gave us Muhammed Ali and Michael Jordan and Wayne Gretzky and now I have been added to that holy sports pantheon. I think this should definitely help my chances of making the Sixers team this year (Did I mention that I'm trying out for the Sixers?). I haven't heard from writer Michael Silver yet, but odds are that this is only Part One of an in-depth look at my athletic accomplishments, which include Second Team All-District Basketball in high school and a Little League Baseball Championship while playing on the 1987 Rotary. I also started the first ever male cheerleading squad at my high school, despite the fact that I'm pretty sure I'm not gay. And, of course, Silver will probably want to end what I'm guessing is going to be a six part series with a write up about my domination of Iverson in high school.
Related: The full interview with Bernard Hopkins that gets quoted on SI.com.

As you know, I tend to get nervous when teams have a perfect score after three rounds. I've only given out one perfect score ever, and I didn't sleep for a week afterwards. So when the Kingdom had a perfect score through three, it was time to get devious. I noticed that their rap expert, Koob, wasn't there, so I busted out a rap "Name that tune" in round four, and the Kingdom finished with a 114. Keep in mind, it wasn't an impossible rap, as several teams got the correct answer. The song was "I Know You Got Soul" by Eric B. and Rakim.

Dork Sided won at O'Neals on Tuesday, but the celebration was cut short the next day when they heard that Smooth Jazz 106.1 was going off the air. "What?" asked a dumbfounded Rod Stairwell. "No more Kenny G, no more John Tesh? How am I going to continue with my dull, monotonous, and meaningless existence without 106.1 providing the soundtrack?" Fortunately, Rod perked up when he found out that the new 106.1 was going to have Whoopi Goldber in the mornings. "Oh, really? Oh, cool. At least they recognize talent. I mean even her name is funny. It reminds me of a whoopie cushion." Then Rod laughed and laughed.

So last night I meet up with Trivia Art at Barrister's after quizzo, where they're having karaoke. Now, my first ever date with my ex-girlfriend (not this ex-girlfriend, a more recent one) was to karaoke, though it was at McGillan's. So I'm eating my tacos (Barrister's has good tacos), and these two girls sit beside me. They're pretty cute, and I start talking to the one next to me. We chat for a while, and then I get around to getting her name. She has the same name as my ex-girlfriend (let's use the name "Elvira", to protect the innocent). OK, no big deal, my ex had a pretty common name (Elvira's pretty common). I ask Elvira about her friend. Yeah, they were roommates this past year. Her friend's name? The same name as my ex's roommate this past year. Alright, this is starting to get creepy. I change the subject. Elvira's going to school, and has a double major in criminal justice and art. "Yeah, I'm going to be a social worker when I graduate." I don't think I need to tell you what my ex does for a living. I immediately paid my check and took off running, nearly crashing into Rod Serling on my way out the door.
Disclaimer: No, I am not referring to my ex as a mistress of the dark. I just think Elvira is a funny name. The only mistresses of the dark I have a past with live in Detroit.

Trivia Art's website, Foobooz, got named the best food website in Philadelphia by the good people at City Paper!

Yeah, I'm sure after a month and a half off, I'm going to look brilliant in my Spanish class today. Anyways, I might be back this afternoon (I gotta hit the gym first, though. 3 weeks of Road food took it's toll). Last night was highly controversial, and I'll write mroe about it soon. In the meatime, I invite you to get in on the debate about whether or not Bush was lieing about WMDs (comments section under question of week). One of my favorite things about this website is that it's readers seem to cover all sides of the political spectrum, even though I'm currently taking it from the right in the comments. i thought I'd get some backup from Palestra Jon, but he just corrected my spelling. Holla!

Jessica and Marco got married yesterday, then played quizzo last night! OK, it's not as crazy as it sounds. They have a destination wedding in two weeks, so they were kind of taking it easy on City Hall day. Of course, this isn't the first time JGT quizzo has had something to do with a wedding.

Actually, we've just received word that there is no basement in the Alamo, so we're going to have Movie Mondays at the Trocadero instead (1003 Arch Street). I told the good people at the Trocadero that I would agree to do such a thing under one condition: that we start with the greatest film ever produced, Pee Wee Herman's Big Adventure. They acquiesced, giving me the opportunity to use the word "acquiesce", which makes me seem like a nerd. I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? I know you are, but what am I? Infinity! There will be a lot more details about this new venture forthcoming in the next few days, so be sure to check back, and I hope to see you guys next Monday!
Related: Movie Monday. It's like a giant cable knit sweater that someone keeps knitting, a-and knitting, a-and knitting, A-AND KNITTING!

With the enormity of the lies we've been swallowing for the past six years, Watergate seems like a bad middle school prank, but at the time it was taken very seriously, and Tricky Dick had to step down on August 9, 1974. One of the principles in the Watergate break-in later landed roles on Miami Vice, MacGyver, and AirWolf. Who is it?

I returned to the Poconos last night for the first time in over a year. The last time I went, I was young, in love, and completely carefree. Times have changed. I am now old, alone, and very, very bitter. But I was still able to host quizzo last night for Penn Med Students on a Poconos retreat. It was actually a blast. As you might imagine, the Penn med students were completely out of control, and I had to ask the questions from behind chicken wire. I'm kidding! They were actually really nice, and made being alone and bitter in the Poconos not such a bad thing. The winning team was Gary and the SLPers (above) who defeated Bring It! 104-99.

Larry Platt offered an apology to everyone at the Best of Philly party, b/cthe parking fiasco. We were lucky enough to come from the other direction, so we weren't stuck in an enormous line, but as I reported earlier, we had to wait over an hour before we found our keys.

In fact, I was humble last week. I actually helped keep the parking situation from becoming a disaster. People were scrambling around on the ground, looking for keys, and things were getting ugly. So I ran inside, grabbed a pen and paper, and started asking people in line what their key number was. I wrote down all the key numbers, went up to the board, and handed it to a girl who worked for the valet service. She found the keys I had written down instead of trying to listen to 100 people shout out their numbers simultaneously, and the line dissipated in just a few minutes. I was a g** d***** hero that night. True story. If Larry Platt decides to write a letter of thanks to yours truly, it will be accepted graciously.

OK, so I got most of the photos up from last week, though I'm still wating on a couple from Jam Master Sean. Got this link from a member of the Jams. It's Ken Jenning' blog, and he actually comes off as...a pretty kool guy. Also, I'm finally gonna switch the poll to one about McNabb, but I was a little surprised at the results. After 300 votes were counted, Darth Ern has been proclaimed the most hated man in quizzo, with 36.8% of the vote. MAGMA was 2nd, with 29.5%, and the Sofa Kingdom was 3rd, with 20.7%. I really thought the Kingdom was more hated than MAGMA, but they don't talk as much smack on the website, so I think that's why more peope hate MAGMA. But congratulations, though, to the Darthmeister. If not for John Street and Phillies ownership, he'd probably be the most hated man in Philly!

What Would Jesus Eat? won at the Bards on Thursday. I bet he'd like gyros. They're delicious.

The Axis of Evil Knieval defeated the Axis of, well, plain evil on Thursday, as MAGMA fell in overtime. The OT question: In what year was George Washington born? MAGMA said 1722, Axis said 1727. The correct answer: 1732. George Washington was (allegedly) the first president of the United States. There are also rumors that he served in a war, but I couldn't find any websites that would back it up (Oh, like I'm going to trust wikipedia).

One of Us Slept w/ Sally won at the Bards, then discussed their love for the word trebuchet. "I mean, seriously, trebuchet is such a badass word for such a badass thing," said Gabe Hornblower of the Sallies. "It f****** launches things great distances, AND it's super fun to say. Trebuchet, trebuchet, trebuchet."
Related: Johnny almost killed by trebuchet in Delaware last year.

Dork Sided won at O'Neals on Tuesday, then went to Cleveland to protest the fact that KISS is not yet in the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame. "This is outrageous," said Ryan Hogan of the Dorks (above in blue striped shirt; top of stairs in below photo). "It seems that as soon as a man wears a ton of make-up, there's a grudge held against him. I mean, how else can you explain Larry Mendte not being in the Broadcaster's Hall of Fame?"

These photos are from the last week in July. No surprises here. The Jams (repped by Barb, above) won at the 'Vous. The Satan's Minions won at the Sheep, edging The Axis of Evil Knieval, 102-101.

Finally, Two men from MAGMA (the 2nd most hated man/team in quizzo, after Darth Ern) were able to pull off a victory at the Good Dog, defeating Love Jerome, 87-84.

Yeah, so I got a rash in Reno, then went to a doctor in San Fran who misdiagnosed it as scabies, which is the grossest word ever. It's sounds like you have rabies and scabs at the same time. Anyways, went to a dermatologist in Narberth who was really good and it turns out I have an allergy. The best part? He put me on steroids, so expect me to be totally buff in time for next week's quizzo. Ladies: "You mean, even buffer than you are now, Johnny?" Yes, ladies, even buffer.

Due to this rash, I pulled a Brian Wilson on Friday, staying in my room and feeling sorry for myself, but made it out yesterday with Trivia Art and the lovely Ginger on a "Philly Firsts" tour. Went to Tony's Pizza (still the best in the city), then did the following things for the first time: The Grey Lodge (pretty cool bar), the original Chickie and Pete's in the Northeast (even lamer than the other ones. I mean, at least the one South Philly has sketchy South Philly girls), then had drinks on the Moshulu Bongo Deck. It was great. A little pricey, but I definitely recommend it on a breezy day. Then had dinner at Dmitri's for the first time ever. It was really good, but it didn't blow my mind like I thought it would. A solid meal, but I wouldn't put it in my top 5 restauratns in the city by any stretch.

I think what I'm getting at here is that I'm gonna get to work on putting at least some of your photos up today. Oh, and my rash is doing much better now. Thanks for asking.

Hey peeps, got a last meeting with Traffic.com people this morning, then have a doctor's appointment. So I'll get some pics up later in the day. In the meantime, read the highlights of my cross country trip, all tied up in a tidy little bow.

I rolled into the illaldelph yesterday at about 3:30 p.m., then went to Delassandro's for my first Philly meal, a cheesesteak. Not as good as Jim's but still damn good. Then I headed to the Philadelphia Best Of... party last night. It was ok. They had a great band, the Blue Method, and some decent finger food. The scene was a little too sceney for me, but there was a lot of eye candy and I got to meet the Hurricane (Glen, not Ruben). Disaster didn't strike until the end, when the valet service totally screwed everyting up. My date and I waited over an hour while they tried to find her car keys. There was an enormous line of people waiting, but the valets put the keys in the wrong order, and nobody could find anything. It wouldn't have been so bad if the weather outside wasn't 95 degrees, so everybody was covered in sweat. I will have to hand it to the valet service though. Although they totally screwed everything up, they did try to handle it with humor and didn't let the thing explode, like it could have. Still, pretty inexcusable. I doubt they're gonna be named Best Of Philly anytime soon. That's like me forgetting to bring questions to Quizzo Bowl. Anyways, I'm more excited about tonight than I was about last night. Gonna be nice to rock the mic again.

JGT is returning to the east coast on Wednesday after his three week cross country drive. On Wednesday night, he'll be attending a "Welcome Back" party hosted by Philadelphia Magazine (some people who are "out of the loop" are calling it a "Best of Philly" party), then will be returning to action Thursday night at the Good Dog. Today, I'm just gonna hang in San Fran. Man, the weather here is incredible. Mid 60s every day. I'm sure you suffering souls wanted to hear that.