April 2006 Archives
The Jams won easily at the Vous this past week, then watched in surprise as President Mahmood Ahmadinejad of Iran denied the Jams right to exist, saying that they were a "stain" on the quizzo community that "needed to be eliminated". Naturally, the Jams were shocked. "Wow, Mahmmod follows the trials and travails of the Philadelphia quizzo scene?" asked a shocked Barbara Billingsby. "I didn't even know they had computers there." It turns out that they don't, but that there is a "buzz" in the streets of Teheran about "a trivia contest run by infidels for infidels", though several of the hardliners we talked to admitted that they "kind of liked the Woody Allen or George W. Bush Round". Interestingly, Mahmood's fiery rhetoric against the Jams has actually eased some of the pressure being applied by Western powers. Said a spokesman for German president Horst Kohler, "Hell, nobody at the G-8 really likes the Jams, either."
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Tuessday nights at the Bards has become a place for gunslingers as of late, and this past tuesday was no exception. The Sofa Kingdom, the Narkotizing Dysfunktion, and the squad that always gives itself trashy Sakespeare team names was there. But it was a team with a checkered past and an uncertain future that, for one moment in time, were the darlings of destiny. The Ottoman Empire, a rag tag collection of journeymen who have kicked around the league for years, somehow put it all together on this special night and not only won, but devastasted the competition with a score of 109. This team, so used to crying tears of agaony and shame was, for just this once, crying tears of joy.
The Young, the Old, and the Restless won at O'Neals on Tuesday night, then demanded that the Untied States declare war on the British. "They've been bitter ever since Yorktown," said Owen Sparks, "And I guess it boiled over when they saw Snoop Dogg at Heathrow. Well, they went too far, trying to push around one of our national icons. It's time for us to strike back." The White House is said to be "extremely displeased" with the Brits handling of the Doggfather, and a spokesman said that "All options are on the table."
Johnny threw on his best pair of Bad Idea Jeans last night, and is currently paying the price. He was convinced to help celebrate Cheezy's birthday (far right) by slamming an Irish Car Bomb. Then moments after this took place, members of the winning team, who I'll post later, convinced Johnny to take another one. Reports say that Goodtimes "struggled mightily" to rise from bed this morning and "did not make the gym". He is scheduled to grab pizza shortly in East Falls.
I mean, the guy has a freaking gun pointed at his head, and he still pulls off a magic trick. And, let's face it, this guy is a millionaire. It's not that big of a deal for him to lose a couple hundred bucks. He just saw getting jacked as an opportunity to practice his craft! That would be like me getting a gun pointed at my head, and saying, "OK, I'll give you my money...if you can tell me which planet has moons named Phobos and Deimos!"
Another thing, have you heard about the Titanic sequel coming out this summer? It's gonna be really good.
Headed over to Abilene's to do a comedy set last night, my first one in a while. It went pretty terribly, but I did get half off my taco salad or being one of the performers, so that was kool. Saw this band, called Big Pimp Jones, who were pretty good. Also saw a guy I'm gonna have perform at one of my shows at some point in the future called Keith From Up the Block. He's basically the Weird Al of hip hop, and the stuff he played last night was pretty funny. Looking to get my work done early so i can head out to the Phils game this afternoon. It was nice to win last night, but damn, can we get a freaking starting pitcher into the sixth inning? We could be watching one of the worst groups of starting pitchers in the majors in a while (Well, besides Rockies pitching every year, but they gotta pitch in the stratosphere, so it's somewhat excusable). They are really, really awful. Could be a long season.
On Saturday, I ventured into the Northeast to try the pizza at Tony's Place with my sister Big E and her husband John. I liked the place right off the bat. Great ambience, very homey feel on the inside. One strange quirk was the things they were showing on the televisions during our stay. Maybe it was just a weird day for sports programming, but in an hour and a half, we saw rodeo, paintball, fishing, and polo. I love fishing shows, but I think they would be better if the boat had obstacles. Like mines under the water and a giant mechanical shark that they had to fight off if they hoped to keep fishing. Anyways, at Tony's they don't call it pizza, they call it tomato pie. And you need to go up there and order the hot pepper pie. It was the best pizza I've had yet in the search. The sauce, which Tony's places over the cheese, was perfect, just the right amount of cheese, and the peppers gave the pie a little kick. The other slice wasn't quite as good, but was still excellent. It was a pepperoni and peppers slice. The service was friendly. The only knock on the place, and this just shows how nitpicky I have to be to find a flaw here, was that the Coke was flat. The thing that really made me realize how good this place was was that after five slices, I wasn't thinking about how full I was, but about how incredible the pizza was. Here was my sister's reaction:
"Sauce on top of the cheese?" That was my pessimistic reaction when I heard that Tony's pizza was cooked
unconventionally, with the sauce on top. Despite my doubts, we dove right in and ordered two large pies-one pepperoni and one with hot cherry peppers. The pies were delicious! The sauce was especially good. The crust was thin, but not too crispy. Besides the pizza being amazing, the atmosphere was great too. It was cozy in there and seemed like a great neighborhood establishment. Four of us downed both pies with no problem. Even after leaving with full stomachs, we still had those pizzas on the brain. What a great place. John and I give Tony's a 4 pepperoni score!!
My sister and I have had some epic arguments. This will not be one of them. I'm giving Tony's a 4 pepperoni score, with the hot cherry pie getting a 4 1/2. You have to try it. It is, without question, the best pizza I have had thus far in Philly.
Philly Style Pizza was the first place I ever ate in Phialdelphia. My girlfriend at the time and I were returning from New York, where I had gone, hoping to find a job and an apartment. I had found neither, and had had a really terrible time up there. So we decided to swing by Philly to order a cheesesteak on our ride back, and randomly ended up at Philly Style Pizza, and got a kickass cheesesteak. The next thing you know I was moving here. So I've always had a soft spot in my heart for PSP, and still occasionally swing by for a cheesesteak, which, like I said, are really good there. But this time I swung by for a pizza while I was being interviewed by the Metro. The pizza itself was damn good. A sweet sauce, good crust, just the right amount of cheese, cute girls working the register. But there was one problem. I asked for a slice with onions and hot peppers and when the slice came out, it was covered with uncooked onions and hot peppers. They had made it like they were making a salad, with everything raw. And the toppings cost 50 cents apiece. Weak. I'm gonna give these guys the benefit of the doubt, b/c their cheesesteak brought me here, but I can't give 'em higher than a three on sentimentality and good sauce alone.
Lastweek I went to Pizza Rustica (it's next door to Standard Tap) with quizzo regular, comedian, and Andy Reid impersonator Steve Odabashian. The place had a lot of potential, and the pizza slices looked terrific. On top of that, they had all of the ingredients necessary for a suicude. I dunno if you guy sever had suicides, but we always used to get them at the concession stand after our little league basbeall games. They were a dangerous drink, and usually only the 11 and 12 year olds had the guts to get them. 9 and 10 year olds simply didn't have the psychological make up to handle a risky concoction of Coke, Sprite, and Sunkist, poured into the cup in equal measure. Well, Rustica had all the necessary flavors at their fountain. Sadly, however, the orange was flat, so I had to go hari kari with my suicide and refill with a plain Coke. As for the pizza itself, I dunno, it was weird. Too crunchy or something. I went Rochester style on it (using blue cheese on pizza), but to no avail. I wasn't feeling it. Here were Steve's thoughts:
I've eaten here before and I have definitely had better. The pizza was kind of crunchy (but then again, so are grape nuts). Maybe the pieces I had (chicken and pepper, pepperoni) were sitting out for a while. I don't eat pizza all that much anymore, and I had barely eaten during the day. So, the combination of those two circumstances should have worked in the pizza's favor. However, I was disappointed. The pieces were big, if that's any consolation. 2 pepperonis out of 5. When I start eating pizza again, I will give Rustica another try. Like I said, I've eaten there before and it's usually better.
Wo am I to argue with a man who looks uncommonly similar to Philly's favorite Mormon? 2 pepperonis it is.
Buffalo County is the poorest county in the country, as 70% of it's 2,000 peole are unemployed. In what state will you find it? (Beware, there are three Buffalo counties in the US, but obviously only one answers the question.)
Hey gang. I'm taking a road trip to Princeton today, just because I've never been. If anything exciting happens, I'll let you know. I have gotten a little bit behind in my pizza grading, so tomorrow I will catch back up, with reviews of four different places, including a new number one! Hope everybody has a great Monday. Oh, and if you didn't catch this video the other day of average homeboy, it's vital that you see it. He doesn't claim to be from urban areas. I think you'll just be blazed.
The Satan's Minions knocked off the Milky Way Comet Out of Uranus, 98-96, in a packed Fels Planetarium on Saturday night. The Sofa Kingdom, who had cruised to victory in the first event held at the Fels, finished in third with 95 points. Johnny took the term "science" very loosely, much to the disdain of the science geeks in the audience. For example, Johnny honored the Body Worlds exhibit by doing a round about songs about the human body (to see what songs he played, click "continue reading..." below). But the final round was almost all science, and the Minions proved adept at it. The Minions won tickets to see the Phils, which, judging by the way they've been playing at home this season, might have been a more appropriate prize to give the last place team. Instead the last place team received a "My Little Pony" lollipop holder.
The overhead graphics were kool, but not quite as impressive as last time. Apparently the guy who usually runs the graphics also works for Comcast Sportsnet, and got stuck working there when the Flyers went to double OT. But I was assured that next time we do this, they will kick ass and that there is something else we can do on the dome that I'm quite excited about. But you'll have to wait until the next science spectacular to find out what it is.
Johnny Goodtimes took one on the chin in today's Inquirer, as the final line about the Body World's weekend read, "I've had a moment of boredom. We went to see that quizzo thing." It was said by a 9 year old named Shayna. Goodtimes vowed revenge. "Hey Shayna," said an angry Goodtimes, "The tooth fairy isn't real. It doesn't exist. Your parents put money under your pillow." Goodtimes then added that he thought Blue's Clues was boring.
Oh, and when I told the reporter I had groupies, I think she believed me. Anyways, results from Saturday night's contest, which hopefully you adults didn't find boring, will be posted later today.
Damn, just found out last night that tickets to tonight's quizzo spectacular are only 75 cents if you only wanna play quizzo and not see the rest of the museum. Starting at 9 p.m. IMAX tix are only 75 cents, so just tell 'em you want IMAX tix. Then, after quizzo, you are welcome to take in an IMAX as well. Don't worry, I'm probably not gonna get started at 9 p.m. on the dot. Also, rumors of Johnny rapping tonight are completely unfounded, so don't listen to them. Seriously.
A'ight, it's on. Saturday night at 9 p.m. at the Franklin Institute. You do have to pay a nominal fee to get in (Eve: if you decide to attend, I will pay for your ticket-jgt). If you just wanna play quizzo, then you can just pay whatever the IMAX costs, which is really cheap. But I say, what the hell, if you're gonna be at the museum anyway, you might as well check out some of the other stuff first, so get a general admission ticket. And to answer the question I've gotten the most: yes, they will be serving booze!
Related: More info on Science Spectacular.
The Sofa Kingdom knocked off a full house at the Bards on Thursday night, edging out an impressive new team called "I Chose Temple", 105-104. The defending champion 1.21 Jigawatts finished 3rd, and the Champs (Yes, those Champs) finished in 4th. The Kingdom was also hoping that they could claim a new title over the weekend: America's next porn star. (Page is kind of SFW, but rest of website is not. Actually, considering that the words "So You Want to be America's Next Porn Star" are in giant letters at the top of the page, maybe you just better not check this one at work. Here's a safer option: Dan Gross's write up.) "I'll probably win," said Nate "The Snake" Roberts of the Kingdom. "I'm hung like a kangaroo."
Jumpability has been a buzzword of sorts for Johnny Goodtimes this week, and the members of MAGMA claim to have it in spades. "Oh yeah," said Chill Rob A. "You wanna talk about jumpability, you should see what happens when we enter a room." Jumpability is defined as the characteristic that makes people want to throw themselves at you after only a few minutes into conversation and make wild passionate love to you. Some people seem to have it and some...
"Wait, what?"
"Yeah, Chill Rob, what did you think it meant?"
"Oh, I thought it was a characteristic that made people want to jump you and beat the living s*** out of you. Because whatever that charactersic is, we have a lot of it."
The RIver of Rocks won at the Black Sheep on Wednesday over a star studded cast that included the Minions, WTF, Duane's World, and even a member of the old Broad Street Bullies who found some new teammates. Then after the contest, the Rocks delivered a bombshell: that they had found a white rapper with even less skills than JGT. (You HAVE to watch this. Thanks to Jen O. for the link.)
Trust Us We Know was not happy when they arrived at the Vous on Wednesday, realizing that another team had taken their usual table. So angry in fact, that they broke out of a long slump and destroyed every other team in the field, including the Jams. Meanwhile, the Artist, Philosopher, and Engineer (below) finished an impressive second...thru three rounds. We won't talk about what happened in round four, but their three round performance was a real moral victory.
The Narkotizing Dysfunktion won at the Bards on Tuesday night over the Sofa Kingdom, then expressed some surprise that this blog never really took off. "It really seemed like it was headed in the right direction," said Stan Fretangelo of the Dysfunktion. "It was snarky, energetic, you could get to it by googling Dick Trickle. I especially liked the part where the guy talked about how awesome he was. That was my favorite."
A furious comeback in Round Four led to an overtime victory for the Old and the Restless at O'Neals on Tuesday night. But all was nto peaches and cream for the crew, as they found out afterwards that David Lee Roth was getting canned. "Man, I can't believe this," said Chippy, "I really thought the show was getting good, except for the lack of content, humor or discernible talent."
Man, rough night last night. The team that finished next to last somehow talked me into playing a game called Strankfinger. You ever heard of this? It's horrifying. All the players put their finger on a glass of beer in the middle. Then the first player counts, "One two three" and then announces how many fingers they think will remain on the glass. The other players, after "three", decide whether or not to leave their finger on the glass. Once you guess correctly, you're out. The last player left has to drink out of the glass everybody's had their finger on. Uh, yeah, kind of gross. I totally kicked ass at this game.
Man, I got a lot of s*** to do today. I gotta post stories, grab pizza, and prepare questions for tommorrow. And all with a hangover. This life of leisure ain't all it's cracked up to be. Tonight, I might go to the Tucker Max party. I haven't decided. It's a fundraiser for his defense against Anthony Dimeo, who is taking Max to court.
RELATED: The Tucker Max threads that led to the lawsuit.
Every word of it, including the quotes. That must be understood, right off the bat. The following is a work history of Willie Gee (above), a friend of mine from back home. It has been compiled by another friend of mine, Nat "the Truth" Jones. This is an accounting for of every job Willie has ever had, and the reason for his quitting or termination, or, in some cases, both at the same time. If you enjoy Henry Earl's arrest record, you're going to enjoy this.
1. Summer 1993 – Gardener A nice couple in Silver Beach hired this bright-eyed teen to tend to their prized garden while they took a well deserved summer vacation. Willie, in his first real work experience, “messed up the timers” and “everything died”. He was promptly fired upon the couple’s return home.
2. Summer and Fall 1993 - Gardener A gentleman named Donnie Walters, despite Willie’s history of ineptitude in the area of botany, decided to give the kid another crack at it and gave him the job of taking care of his garden. This job went on uneventfully for “a couple months” and then Willie quit. “He wanted too much for what he was paying,” Willie would later comment.
3. Summer 1994 – Camp Counselor Willie was recruited by the Hoods, teachers that he had relationships with for years in school, to work as a junior counselor at Camp Greenbrier for Boys in Alderson, West Virginia. Things were rocky almost at once. “I lasted the summer,” Gee would later state. “But I was told I could never come back.” Among the many things he did during his seven weeks at camp was covering children with shaving cream in the middle of the night.
4. 1995 – Cook and Dishwasher Willie worked at the Nassawadox restaurant Little Italy “for about 5 months on the weekends”. He was never a model employee; he was terminated after a dispute with Franco Nocera (owner and proprietor of said establishment) that ended with Willie giving the boss the finger behind his back but “in front of a bunch of other people.”
"We knew that after last year... we could not afford to have a let-down," John Street told a crowd this morning on Independence Mall in announcing this year's "Welcome America" festival events for June 27 through July 4. (from Philly.com) No, we cannot afford a let-down after Live 8. So there was only one artist who could keep the momentum going, who could get this city as excited as it was last year, who could rock Philadelphia to the f****** core! And that artist is...Lionel Richie? What? Was Billy Ocean unavailable?
Bobby Badtimes here. Well, spring is in the air, and you know what that means...that pedestrians start getting real cocky. Somehow the warm weather makes them feel like a 2,500 lb. piece of steel moving at 25-30 mph can't inflict major damage on their internal organs. So they just saunter out in front of you in your car, sometimes even looking you in the eyes as if to say, "I'm a pedestrian, and I alllllllways have the right away, no matter what the light says." But I've come up witha neat little approach to deal with this problem: I'm going to start hitting two of you a week with my car until this bull**** stops. Not hard, I'm not trying to kill anybody here. Just a gentle little tap to take out your knees and send you sprawling to the pavement. Just hard enough to send a message that you're on my road, and I'm the one with the deadly piece of steel.
Hey, if you can't grab a copy, just click here for the PDF file. The story is on page 14. Judging by the placement of my photo, the editorial staff thought my story was more imortant than that of TomKat having a baby; a baby born...IN DEATHLY SILENCE!!!! In answer to a question I've gotten in hundreds of e-mails today (and by hundreds, I mean zero): yes, I will sign your copy of today's Metro at quizzo tonight.
Alright, gang. Here's the list of pizza places I have hit iin the Great Pizza Hunt so far, in order of my enjoyment. Yes I know I have not hit Tacconelli's or Marra's. They are both still on the list. I was gonna hit Marra's with my parents on Sunday, but Jesus prevented that from happening. The pizza places are graded on a 1-5 pepperoni scale, with 5 being the supreme piece of pizza. Thus far, the highest score I have is a 4, and I've only given out one of those. And you thought LaBan was tough! Feel free to argue with this list, or to provide places you think I should hit that I haven't gone to yet. And check back later today. Bobby Badtimes is set to return to the website. Pizza listing after the jump.
The Pizza Hunt continued on Sunday, as Johnny and his Ma and Pa went out to grab a slice. Now, Sunday was apparently a celebration of some sort of cult figure dying and then rising from the dead, a cult figure worshipped by almost every single person in this city who produces pizza. Place after place was closed, so we finally settled on J & J Pizza in the Italian Market. It was a corner spot in the Italian Market that didn't really seem to get a ton of traffic. Things were quiet, but there was a tv inside that was on. It was on the "community channel", you know the one that shows you a graphic to let you know that Edna's knitting circle will be meeting at Episcopal at 6:30 on Tuesday. I love that channel. Anyways, we ordered our pizza (pepperoni) and they brought it out. It was decent, but it didn't really blow my doors or anything. I asked my mom to send an email with her thoughts about J & J:
Son, I swiped some of your stamps -sorry. The pizza was just a good old-fashioned homemade pizza. It was the kind with more cheese than tomato sauce, which was a plus in my book, and the price was reasonable. Also, it was served in a tiny restaurant where people probably eat on the run as opposed to a restaurant where one would chill or hang out. No beer available. I give it three pepperonis. Thanks for lunch both days and for a wonderful weekend which we enjoyed every minute of! Remember to take your vitamins!
My mom always tells me to take my vitamins. I got another e-mail from her later in the day, after I sent out my weekly newsletter. Apparently I misused an apostrophe, something my mom does not take lightly. This was the entire content of that email: You do not need an apostrophe in a possessive pronoun. Did you learn nothing in 7th grade English? Anyway, the pizza was ok. Nothing great. If you're in the Italian Market, I would suggest Lorenzo's. I give J&J 2 and a half pepperonis.
Johnny Goodtimes will be making another giant step towards his final goal of world domination today, as he appears in the Philadelphia Metro. "This brings me one step closer to being able to forget all the little people who got me this far," said Goodtimes as he did situps out in front of his house today.
Johnny Goodtimes will be hosting a science (and we use the term "science" very loosely here at JGT, Inc.) quizzo at the Fels Planetarium (222 N. 20th Street) on Saturday, April 22 as the Franklin Institute celebrates the final weekend of the enormously popular Body Worlds exhibit. Here's the dilly, yo. To participate in what will be a quizzo event for the ages, all you gotta do is buy a ticket to anything going on at the museum that night. It does not have to be the Body Worlds exhibit. You can get IMAX tix or general museum tix if you want. Then join Johnny in the planetarium at 9 p.m. There will be plenty of stuff given away during the night's contest. Free museum passes, gift shop gift certificates, and even Phillies tickets. There have been no rumors circulating about Johnny rapping at this event. Oh, and yes, there will be booze for sale at this event. Lushes.
Johnny's ex was asked to the prom by Tom DeLonge. He is a member of what crappy band?
**Johnny's days as a gangsta/dolphin trainer are behind him, but make no mistake: Johnny is from the streets.
First of all, congratulations to the Evil Miss Lovely, who won last night at Pabst Blue Ribbon Rock Paper Scissors City League Championship. Juan Buenostiempos (Johnny's unruly cousin from south of the border) went out in the first round, meaning that in the three sanctioned events he has been a part of, he has gone out in the first round each time. He is a pathetic RPS player.
After the match, there was a long, involved conversation about jumpability. Have you heard of this? It's the theory that somebody seems jumpable, and it is completely different than confident or looks. It's just this sort of intrinsic vibe that people either give off or they don't. A vibe that makes people want to jump their bones. Do you have it?
Finally, on a more serious note, I have a bit of a trashcan dilemma, and I need your advice. OK, so last year, this guy who lives next door to me stole my trashcan that I take out to the curb. So I bought a new one. The guy that stole it moved out, but the people who moved in have been using it. Well, last week somebody stole my new trashcan, and now I want my old one back. Can I just take it from them, or has it been grandfathered and is now their's? Should I leave a note on their door explaining my predicament? Please give me your advice.
Now I know what you're thinking..."Johnny, you can not possibly be so self absorbed that you are putting interviews with your ex-girlfriend on your website, thinking that we really give a s***"... Wrong. I am that self absorbed, and you do give a s***!
Colby and I met in Hawaii in 1999. She was on vacation, but was won over by the Goodtimes charm and soon moved out to the 50th state. We dated for 3 1/2 years, and actually made it all the way to Philly together before we broke up. She never really liked the city life, and now lives in the woods in North Carolina. Just like the Olympic bomber. Anyways, we have remained friends, and I am happy that she is doing well. Here are her five quick questions...
What music do you have in your collection that you are a little bit ashamed of?
I am ashamed of nothing. I listen to it all and love it all, especially my women folk collection that you hate.
There are rumors that Ric Flair will be upstairs at the Khyber tonight to play rock paper scissors. This is, as of now, only a rumor. Johnny will definitely be there. Kick off is at 9 p.m.
My mom and dad came down this weekend, and a fine time was had by all. We went to Pod on Friday night, where the food was pretty good, but it was way too loud. You had to scream to talk. My dad got off a pretty good line. I said, "It's way too loud here. This would be a terrible place to take a first date." Without missing a beat, my dad said, dryly, "Yeah, but it's perfect place to take somebody you've been married to a long time." On Saturday, we had lunch at Penang, one of my favorite restaurants, and on Sunday we went out for pizza, which I will tell you about soon when I get written report from them. Yeah, my parents hobbies are essentially the same as mine. They consist of: eating.
This is it. Next week is gonna be the Best Week Ever. Bobby Badtimes returns, my parents review pizza, I interview an ex-girlfriend who got asked out to the prom by the drummer of Blink-182, and then, on Saturday, I return to the Franklin Institute for another Science Quizzo to help celebrate the closing weekend of Body Worlds. Those of you who attended last time know what an incredible time we all had, and if you missed it then, do not miss it this time. I am telling you , this is unlike any quizzo you have ever attended. I hear they have all new designs for the between rounds ceiling show, which last time was absolutely mind blowing. I will have more details on this show next week.
Hey gang, wanna thank you all for donating a buck apiece to a noble cause. Thanks to huge crowds at quizzo this week, we were able to raise $255 for the Urban Blazers. But I hope that some of you are willing to go a step further and join me in volunteering for this organization. To volunteer, or to learn more about volunteering, click here.
Now, I know what you people are thinking: Johnny, as an international mega-star, I'm sure you have hot dates each and every Saturday night with gorgeous models. And you're right. Why just this past Saturday night I was out with international diva Triviana Hart (above, you should really click for the close up to appreciate her full beauty) at Celebre's Pizza (1536 Packer, in the same shopping center as Chickie and Pete's). Now when we showed up, we realized that the Flyers had a home game that night, so we were going to have to share the restaurant with a bunch of Neanderthals (aka Flyers fans). After a short wait, we got our seat. But the two waitresses were obviously overmatched by the huge crowd, and nobody even said hello to us for the fifteen minutes. Finally, we got our order taken. Here's Triviana's take:
Celebre's is classic South Philadelphia pizza. You know the type, where everyone calls you hon. We were there with a big pre-Flyers crowd so we had to wait longer than usual for a table and to order. But that transgression was forgiven when we received our piping hot half pepperoni, half roasted pepper pizza. Both halves were very good, the pepperoni had some crisp edges, a necessity in my mind. The roasted peppers add a nice touch to the tasty string cheese and ample tomato sauce. The crust is thin and soft for the most part but there is some crunch as well. All in all it was an excellent pizza and I give it 3.5 pepperonis.
Triviana was right about the pizza. It was excellent. And I really liked the whole South Philly feel of the place. Having been a server, I know what it's like to get slammed by a crowd at one time, and the server we had was fine, she was just too far in the weeds. But they shoulda had more people on the floor. Had we gotten excellent service, this place mighta gotten four pepperoni's. But it's still worth checking out, especially if you have a date with an international supermodel.
Hey peeps. I got more stuff to post in a little while, but I just wanted to let you know about this thing going on tommorrow night that looks awesome. I don't know if I can make it because my moms and pops are in town, but I would highly suggest it if you're looking to do something a little different. Remember those guys who put on that incredible breakdancing show for Beat the Champs? Well, they are gonna be competing in a major breakdance competition on Saturday at the Polaris.
1.21 Jigawatts, who some are saying are the new Kings of the Bards (they've won 4 times in the last month, while the Sofa Kingdom has won twice, though to be fair the Kingdom won three straight times before that), pulled off another victory on Thursday. But their win didn't stop them from receiving widespread condemnation from the international community after it was discovered that they recently enriched uranium. "Dude, it was like a total accident," said Schwag Walker of the Jigawatts. "We were just tooling around with some uranium I had picked up from this dude I know in North Philly, and the next thing you know it's enriched. Dumb luck, really.'
MAGMA, quickly joining the legions of the Sofa Kingdom and the Jams as the most succesful (and subsequently, most hated) teams in quizzo, edged the Cracked Eggheads in OT, with a little help from Chubby. "Yeah, we were hoping to get Mark Holton as Francis, but Chubby's cool, I guess," said Sheila D. of MAGMA. "I'm just glad we didn't get him as Gacy."
Quizzo went into extra innings at the Black Sheep on Wednesdays, with the Minions edging Buzz Passed the Bar in overtime. But all wasn't lost for Buzz, as after the contest the Minions became his first clients. "We've been looking for a lawyer whose name just commands respect in the courtroom," said Jeff Minion. "And we think Buzz does that."
RELATED: Buzz has a pretty damn funny MySpace sight.
The Jams won at the Rendezvous on Wednesday, taking home the $20 cash prize and beating the Sofa Kingdom by nine. The Champs, mewhile, had made overtures that they would be there, but didn't show. "I haven't decided what I'm going to do with my share of the bounty," said Darth Ern. "I might use it to buy a suitcase from Donald Rumsfeld-rumor has it he has some excess baggage."
The Sofa Kingdom won at the Bards on Tuesday, then waited breathlessly for Johnny to come through on his promise to post some pizza reviews and the results of Wednesday's quizzoes. "Once again, Goodtimes writes checks his butt can't cash," said a disgruntled Nate "The Snake" Roberts. "This morning, we were promised stories of pizza and big money challenges, and what do we get? A freakin' movie made by Nintendo. Thanks a million, 'Times." A spokesman for Goodtimes said that the quizmaster spent the day in the park. "It's just too nice outside to expect Johnny to sit around his house and come up with stories for you people. Especially when he can be at the park, striking out with beautiful women."
The Boo Cubs Flickernose Emporium set a new record at O'Neals on Tuesday, winning for the first time in almost exactly two years. They weren't the only old schoolers in the house, as several members of Team Hater (below) made an appearance as well. But this was the Boo Cubs night, as they shocked the world with another win. "I'm just sorry that Mickey wasn't here to see this one," said Raul Rondesi of the Boo Cubs. Mickey was killed moments before the contest when Clubber Wang of the JGT All-Stars threw him into the jukebox.
Yo peeps, I got Spanish class today, so i gotta go do my homework, but i'll be back this afternoon and post a bunch of stuff, including the results of last night's challenge at the Vous, the collapse at the Black Sheep, and a couple more pizza spots I've hit. In the meantime, if you've got 10 minutes to kill, watch the 10th inning of game 6 of the 1986 World Series-as performed by RBI baseball. Pretty amazing. Also, very special birthday wishes being sent out to quizzo player Clare P., badass Thomas Jefferson, and my main man Lou Bega.
I think a couple of big name teams are coming to challenge the Jams tonight at the Vous, so the questions will probably be a little harder than usual. Just thought I would give fair warning. Remember, if anyone beats the Jams, they get not only the gift certificate, but $20 cash from Johnny. There are rumors of both the Champs and the Sofa Kingdom making appearances. If you ever wanted to chance to match your wits against the best of the best, tonight is your chance. And yes, the Jams will get the $20 extra bucks if they win.
This comes from Dan Gross in today's Daily News. It's about a guy who's trying to raise finances for a movie he wants to put together: Mazzotta says that among the guests will be David Proval (Richie Aprile in "The Sopranos"); Johnny "Roastbeef" Williams; Doylestown's "American Idol," Justin Guarini; Abe Vigoda, and other actors. The $100 ticket includes a buffet, wine and beer, and a performance by Guarini. Wow, I get to see Justin Guarini live for only $100? Holy cow! Why don't you up it to $125 and see if you can get Snow? By the way, the photo above is of Johnny "Roast Beef" Williams. There are rumors that Philly's favorite quizmaster is changing his name to Johnny "Corned Beef" Goodtimes, but that has not been confirmed.
I posted a new poll on the right side, so vote when you get a chance.
In a political realm, I came across this write up about the threat of a nuclear attack on Iran via Blinq. It's kind of long, but I think it's worth the time. With Bush's poll numbers at an all time low, I suspect that this talk of nuclear war is a way of getting the "base" excited. "Hell yeah, let's blow stuff up," they're saying right now. "Let's drop them nucular bombs on 'em. That'll put 'em in line. Now toss me another Budweiser and pump up that Toby Keith."
There's this thing that scans your face and then tells you what celebrity you look like. I apparently look like Haydn Christensen, which sucks because I think he looks like a doofus. Also, I have better hair. You have to sign up for this thing, but it only takes a second and it's pretty funny. The celebrity who came up the second most like me was Enrique Iglesias, then John Ritter.
Alright gang, this week we're going back at it with Quizzo for the Cause. This month's cause is the Urban Blazers, a group that provides "opportunities for urban, under-served young people to participate in outdoor activities that will stimulate the development of confidence and self-esteem and generate an understanding and appreciation for nature and physical fitness." I will not only be looking for the $1 donation, but I will also be asking you to consider volunteering for this cause.
I think Philadelphia is at the crossroads. We can either become a world class city, or we can be just another place with a few good restaurants and bad pro sports teams. I'd prefer to live in a world class city, and I think that the only way that is possible is by us doing our part to make it such. I think that getting involved in programs like this are a great way to help the city head in that direction. I hope you guys will think about getting involved.
Many people think that Shakespeare was actually the 17th Earl of Oxford. What was his name?
Hey peeps. You missed a hell of a night of Rock Paper Scissors at the Khyber last night. It was damn fun, although I was eliminated in the first round. It came down to the last throw. I had tried to psyche out my opponent, telling him I was going to throw scissors, which I then did. He threw them also. I then told him I was going to throw paper. I thought he would believe me and throw scissors. Then I would double back and get him with rock. But he was apparently hip to my game, as he shocked me with paper and sent me off a loser. The bartender made an amazing comeback in the finals to win.
In other news, voting has begun for Daneen and Graham. Please vote for them for the 10! shows ultimate wedding.
And finally, a happy birthday to former Roman Emperor Septimius Severus. I don't know anything about him, but his name sounds funny, especially if you try to say it with a lisp.
On Wednesday, I got an email from my old high school and college buddy Bryan Sterling (middle, with me on the right and my buddy Rob on the left**), aka Creamy B. He said he had a business meeting in Philly on Thursday, and did I wanna grab lunch? So I though to myself, "I gotta get this guy in on the Great Pizza Hunt." I wanted to go to Marra's, at least partly because that was the name of a girl who broke both of our hearts in high school. But we didn't have time, so we went to By George's at the Reading Terminal. The pizza looked really nice, but it was completely unmemorable. Kind of bland, no real excitement. There are definitely better places to eat at the Market. Of course, before we headed back to the train station, I had to get him to try the Amish pretzels dipped in butter. Those things are freaking incredible. Anyway, here was Bryan's take:
The "healthy" slice of pizza was surprisingly good. The whole wheat crust was delicious, but the chef pushed the envelope a little too far by topping this pizza with celery. Once I removed the celery this slice was quite enjoyable. My second slice of pizza was a more traditional pepperoni and sausage. Although I did not feel healthy eating it, it went down well and forced me to think about a third slice. I'd rate this pizza experience a 2.5 out of 5 pepperonis (vs. stars). The pizza was good but I know Philadelphia has much better pie to offer.
Yeah, I gotta go with Bryan on this one. 2.5 at best.
***About five years ago, Bryan, Rob, and I (photo, above), who all grew up within half an hour of each other, were all dating women who grew up along the New Hampshire/Mass. border, within 30 miles of each other, by sheer coincidence. The girls didn't know each other beforehand. Rob and Bryan both got married to theirs. I eat a lot of Chinese takeout.
Jam Master Sean, aka C. Urbanus, is known for more than just hosting quizzo at the Dive. He also runs the local RPS league, which kicks off tonight at the Khyber at 8:30 p.m.. JGT might make an appearance, though there are rumors that Jam Master couldn't meet Johnny's appearance fee ($5,000 standard). So far, not a single event organizer in Philly has met Johnny's fee. Johnny, as you may remember, hosted the first annual Keystone Classic. But enough about Johnny, read more about the new league after the jump:
Alright, we ran into our first controversy on Friday at Zio's (111South 13th Street). I have been eating a lot of your standard triangular pizza lately. So at Zio's, which I went to with Rob from MAGMA, I decided to try the pepperoni roll. Now, when I was at college at Radford, we had a restaurant that was very famous for serving crusties, which were essentially pepperoni rolls that you could get stuffed with anything you want. With a hunger fueled by gallons of beer and occasionally the inhalation of deadly marijuana, crazed college students would order dozens of these things at 2 in the morning. So seeing these pepperoni rolls at Zio's took me back, and I had to order one, although to keep things even, I also ordered a BBQ chicken standard slice. The BBQ chicken slice was fine, nothing amazing, a good solid 3 pepperoni slice. But the pepperoni roll gets a ho-ho-ho my goodness. It is the best pizza product I have had on the search so far. Soft and doughey and stuffed with just enough cheese, it blew my doors. But what can I classify it as? I mean, it's not really pizza, per se. So can I hand out pepperoni's based on something that's not pizza? Let me mull over that while you read Rob's take:
I give my Sausage 3 1/2 roni--thin crust that is good and doughy, sausage which tasted fresher than alot of the crap you get around the city. Cheese slice--3 roni--not as good as last time, but maybe that is because
last time I was hungover, dunno.
Alright, I can't give 'em a four because the pizza isn't four worthy. But they get a three and a half...and you have to try the pepperoni roll (they also have a spinach one, which I heard is good). Oh, and when you get it, ask for a side of ranch. Word.
$2 Lagers Make My Nipples Tingle won at a packed Bards on Thursday, edging out a feisty My Dad Has An AMazing Body team primed for an upest. All the stars were out on this night, as the Kingdom crashed in Round Four, and the Satan's Minions made the trip west from the Black Sheep and finished third. 10 Minus Five Equals Frowney Face finished last, taking home the three liter Big Fizz, who sponsord thursday night's contest. "Sprite still hasn't figured out an answer for Big Fizz, who has been killing their market share," says market analyst Lou Dobbs. "Sprite wishes they had introduced the world to the three liter bottle."
Related: Some guy named Anthony doesn't like Big Fizz Root Beer.
A poll on MSNBC a couple of years ago announced that Claire Huxtable was TV's best mom, but the members of the Bastard Children of Claire Huxtable couldn't disagree more. "Are you kidding me?" asked Eric B. Added team member Rakim, "She was a terrible mother, at least to us, her bastard children. She would always say, 'Why can't you be more like Theo?' Screw her. I hate that b****."
Duane's World won at the Black Sheep on Wednesday, but were highly disturbed by Thomas Dolby's attack on K-Fed. "Come on, Thomas," said Gavin Federline (no relation). "Just let this slide. Don't be blinded just because K-Fed is droppin' science."
Johnny Goodtimes has put out rare bounty on the head of the Jams, offering a $20 cash reward to anyone who can rope them in and take them down. The Jams have won 7 times in the last 9 weeks, and need to be stopped. Therefore Johnny is going Buddy Ryan style, and if a team wins this Wednesday by beating the Jams, Johnny will give out $20 on top of the usual gift certificate. (Sorry, but if your team finishes 2nd and beats the Jams, you get nothing. Sorry, but I can't just be handing out my millions willie nille.)
A Midsummer Night's Cream wiped ot the competition at the Bards on Tuesday night. But all was not right in their world, as the grammar on this craigslist posting had them upset (Before it was taken down, the headline had read, "Horny Women need men who can fulfill there needs"). "I mean seriously, who wants a horny woman who fails to use the possessive form their as a modifier, and instead thinks that "there" needs can be met?" asked Dwayne Fivestar. "Color me turned off."
Heading out to take a friend to the airport, then I gotta grab some pizza for lunch. I'll be back in the office (by office, I mean the dingy little room in my house that has a computer) this afternoon to work on stories and pizza reviews. Until then, learn a few things about the Iran Contra affair. Just because.
Hey, today is Billy Dee's Birthday. In honor of his borthday, I implore you to take the Billy Dee Williams Smoothness Test. Actually, it's nto nearly as funny as it should be. And remember, before there was Billy Dee, there was John Q. Adams.
RELATED: It's also Zamfir's birthday! Zamfir rules!
Hey gang, not gonna get much done on the site today. First I had pizza with an old friend, which I'll write about tommorrow, and now I've got to go to traffic court. All the while I gotta get questions done for tonight. Anyways, I was kind of excited when I got a comment from Angelo Cataldi yesterday on my MySpace account, saying, "Johnny, good to hear from you, pal. I like your shirt, its beautiful, just beautiful..." Well, I shoulda smelled something fishy when a former sportswriter didn't give his s an apostrophe. According to Dan over at Blinq, it's all sham.
First of all congratulations to two members of La Salsa Caliente, Graham "Don't Stop Believin'" Baird and Daneen Stamps, who are engaged to be married. Well, the 10! show (greatest episode ever: February 1, 2006) is having a contest whereas they are going to feature five couples, and the one who gets the most votes gets an all expenses paid wedding. Daneen and Graham will be featured on tommorrow's show, which airs at 10 am. Voting commences tomorrow at 11 a.m. I'll throw a link up when voting starts. Now, I know what you're thinking: Johnny with your contacts at the 10! show, why aren't you involved in this contest? Great question. Well, I had resigned myself to being an old maid. That is, until I fell in love with fruit salad.
The Alterna Servers proved to be a force at O'Neals on Sunday, in a private party that inspired Johnny to post his worst pun headline ever. The party was for the employees of Gayle (617 South 3rd Street), a Queen Village restaurant that opened a few months ago to rave reviews. The alterna servers included Ed "Nails" Galluzo, a former member of the notorious Western Omelette.
I gotta go study Spanish. In the meantime, read here about a dude who thinks that the cure for all of our current problems is to eliminate 90% of the current human population. I found thsi story on my buddy Donald's Imploding America website. Oh, and a happy 42nd birthday to Kid of the dynamic duo Kid n' Play (he's the one with the tall hair). Johnny claims he can do that dance move where you hold your left leg in your hand and jump over it with your other leg, but I'm not sure I believe him.
Related: Kid n' Play "Gettin Funky"
The JGT All-Stars won at O'Neals on Tuesday night for the first time in 2006, but Johnny forgot to bring the card for his camera. So JGT got one of their old photos, went into Photoshop, and with just a smidge of brushing, was able to produce the lifelike picture above of the men of the All-Stars (The photo was taken after they showered immediately the following the game).
Yo, y'all can check me out on MySpace. I've been on there for a while, but I wanted to get some friends added before I told you people about it so you wouldn't think I'm a loser. If you wanna be MySpace friends, just holla!
Stacie was the winner of the 2nd annual JGT Bracket Spectacular by virtue of having UCLA in the final game. I don't think anyone in our pool had Florida in the Final Four, much less winning the whole thing. As for me, I felt kind of bad for winning last year, so I decided I would do really, really poorly this year. Mission accomplished! I finished 28th out of 37 teams. Peep My Popesack finished in last with a 33. She did not have a single team correct in the final 8. My favorite team name of the whole thing was "The Knicks Are an 11 Seed". Stacie wins a $50 gift certificate to Barrister's. We'll have to have some sort of tiebreaker for 2nd, as Niederdeppe and Pauly O both finished with 70.
For what is former University of Florida student Paul Tibbets best known?
On friday I went to Dolce Carini (1929 Chestnut) with Trivia Art and Matt Eison of the notorious WTF crew. I've had the cheesesteaks there before, and they're really good, so I figured the pizza would be good as well. I was right. The had lots of choices. I started with the taco pizza. Beef, sour cream, nacho chips, the whole shebang. The taste was awesome, although it could have been a little warmer coming out of the oven. Then, per Matt's suggestion, I went back for the cheesesteak pie. Good suggestion. The slice had nice big chunks of cheesesteak, and very juicy peppers and onions.
Here were Matt's thoughts:
Today, I had the extreme pleasure of meeting up with Johnny and his roommate at Dolce Carini's for pizza slices. I opted for a slice of the cheesesteak pizza and a slice of the chicken, tomato, and pesto. I'd have to say the pizza met expectations, and may have even been above average. The ingredients were fresh, and the cheesesteak slice was good enough to deserve the Philly name. Dolce Carini makes no pretense about being gourmet, which is actually another reason I like the place. I'd definitely go there again. I'll give my slices 4 out of 5 pepperoni's, which is kind of ironic, considering that neither of my slices had any pepperoni on them.
I highly recommend this place. It gets three and a half pepperoni's!
The Sofa Kingdom really showed it had heart on Thursday night, donating their cars to blind children. "Once I saw that blind child on the side of the SEPTA bus, it hit me that he didn't have a car and I did," said Swanson McSweeney. "And that's not the way it should be." Added Koob, "I don't see how we can really call ourselves a first class city when we have hardly any blind children drivers. It's time for that to change."
MAGMA won again at the Good Dog on Thursday, then remarked how good Joey Buttafuoco's hair looked in a recent court appearance. "Man, I hope he beats the rap," said team member Armstrong Hinkley. "Because if he ends up in jail there's no chance of a rematch with Chyna on celebrity boxing."
Well, after a terrific tourney followed by the worst two final four games ever, here's hoping that the final game is a good one. Best place to watch the game? I say Barrister's. They've got $3 Bud Light and Miller Lite drafts, the Miller Lite girls are gonna be there, and there is a drawing to give away a Sirius radio!
The WTF won at the Sheep on Wednesday, but they got their biggest thrill on Sunday, when they found out that teammate Bopper had been chosen to play the leading role in an upcoming production of Casanova on Broadway. The Broadway theatre made the announcement today, which is Casanova's 281st birthday. When asked if they had any reservations about hiring a guy with no previous acting experience, a theatre spokesman said, "No, he has no acting experience, but he has plenty of show biz experience. I mean, the guy was a member of the Wu-Tang Clan, for goodness sakes."
The Jams won at the Vous on Wednesday, but their joy was short-lived, as they found out after the contest that Suge Knight could lose his rap empire. "Man, I hope Suge beats the rap," said Doug Fresh (far right). "I mean, if it wasn't for him, I would have never gotten away with killing 2Pac. Uh, wait, did I just say that out loud?"
