March 2006 Archives

The Night of the Giving Head won in impressive fashion Tuesday night at the Bards, scoring a total of 117 points in the process. They then celebrated their win by watching midget's perform Sonny and Cher songs and then listened to several hot new tracks off K-Fed's new CD.

Concentration Camp Johnny won at O'Neals on Tuesday. The name was in reference to Johnny's new 'do, or lack thereof. Apparently everybody hated it, because nobody said that they liked it all week. They just said things like, "New do, huh? How about that." I guess they think that just because Johnny is an international megastar, he was born without feeings. Well, I don't need you people! My mom likes it!

Remember Andy Nolan, the guy who wrote all the great obits I told you about a few weeks ago? His latest was delightfully simple, coming with the headline, "Caspar the Friendly Ghost". It read, Weinberger's in Paradise.

My nose was stuffed up when i got up this morning, so I took an antihistamine, and I went down like I was shot by a freaking cannon. Anyways, just got up out of bed. Thank goodness I don't have a job! Well, now I'm going out to Dolce Carini for pizza. I'm still waiting to hear from my pizza partners on Wednesday and Thursday, so I'll have my reviews of them up as soon as possible. And yeah, I gotta throw up stories for this week's winners. I'll get all that stuff done after lunch.

Me and Trivia Art just met up with some of the guys from Sofa Kingdom for pizza at Pizza Rustica. I'll probably have a review tomorrow, but in the meantime, I wanted to pass along the following conversation. The topic of Club Wizzards had come up b/c I had a bunch of ones on me.
Sweeney McSweeney: I had a roomate who used to be a stripper there.
Koob: Yeah, she ended up marrying the guy who hosted quizzo at the New Deck. Not Pat, but one of the guys who did quizzo for him.
JGT: So there is hope for a guy like me.
Koob: Oh, no, this was a psycho Japanese chick.
JGT: (deadpan) So there is hope for a guy like me.

Man, sometimes I am just too damn funny.

I went into Lazaro's (flying Han Solo) on Tuesday preparing to be underwhelmed. Nothing against the place, but I always hear great things about it, and my pizza there is always...fine. I mean, it's good, but it's nothing special, and extremely greasy. I like grease as much as the next guy, but not when there are giant puddles of it on my pie that need to be sopped up with a napkin. On Tuesday, I went pepperoni style. It was a lot less greasy than usual, and was actually pretty good. The crust is kind of crunchy, and I personally like soft crust better. The ambiance? Well Lazaro's is definitely a pick up and delivery place, but I do like the fact that they have a lot of Philly sports stuff on the walls. Gives it a nice Philly feel. And then, inexplicably, they have three New York license plates above one of the doors. WTF? That costed them half a pepperoni. Give them 2 and a half!

P.S. When I got hungry later in the day, I didn't return to Lazaro's. Instead I got a meatball sandwich from the cart on 19th and South. Damn good sandwich. Give it four meatballs!

Things on the DC quizzo scene haven't gotten much better. Here's the latest from former Philly playa Hilary Swankie:
So we were pretty excited about this quizzo because it's just blocks from where we all live. Unfortunately, we are going to need to suck it up and go to places far from home because it was the WORST QUIZZO EVER. They don't supply pens. We had to ask for a pen and the guy handing out score sheets looked totally annoyed that we would even ask. They rejected our first name because it "wouldn't fit on the score sheet" that was posted above the bar. The host (not the guy handing out score sheets, scoring, etc) was not funny. Period. (By the way, obviously hosting quizzo is a lot more difficult than I realized in Philly because everyone here seems to have multiple hosts/helpers.) There were 8 rounds. I thought 7 was bad last time. The first round was math questions. Could be reasonable MAYBE if it was multiple choice. But instead the gave us definitions and we had to tell them the mathematical term. We got 4 out of 10. It's not a good idea to start with a totally impossible round to make us feel really stupid and bitter immediately. I wanted to leave. The host was not funny. (It is worth saying again.) Just totally ridiculous questions. We came in last place. **Things started getting hazy around round 2 already because we started drinking heavily to make up for the miserable 2 more hours that we were about to endure. You need to come down here and do a quizzo hosting training.

OK, so I posted a couple of things about a local rapper named Chase Millionz, posting a couple of funny stories about how the Jams were big fans of his. Click here to read Story #1 and Story #2. So you can imagine my excitement when I went to check my computer this morning and received the following e-mail: Hey man, I saw your two articles on 'Chase Millionz'. Too damn funny. How did you know that I rap? I'm sending you a few of my songs. If you like them, feel free to play them anywhere you want. If you have any other questions, let me know. Keep doin' how you do! You're the best!!!

That's right, an email from Chase Millionz himself! This makes it official. Johnny Goodtimes and Chase Millionz are hereby joining forces to take over this city, and johnnygoodtimes.com is now your official quizzo and Chase Millionz headquarters. Here's his myspace profile, on which you can hear him rap! If you scroll down a little bit you can check out some of his other tunes. Johnny Goodtimes: Just Doin' How He Do. I think I've got a new motto.

2nd straight post quizzo shutdown of the Bards. Bad idea. I forgot the plumber(not nearly as cute as the cleaning lady) was coming in first thing this morning. Ouch, I'm exhausted Now, I gotta go study my Spanish and then have pizza with a rather attractive local celebrity. I'll try to get that review up this afternoon, but if not, I'll have it tommorrow. I gotta give you my Lazaro's review today. In the meantime, read here about the confrontation between Alec Baldwin and Sean Hannity. And the Philly Film Festival is coming soon, so figure out which films you wanna see. Last year, Bobby Badtimes saw a collection of experimental short films. Do not do this! It was his worst filmgoing experience ever.

Finally got around to watching Crash last night. Pretty damn good movie, I thought. Was it Oscar worthy? I dunno, what is Oscar worthy? I mean Titanic won 11 Oscars, and that was the most overwrought piece of waste ever put on celluloid. The guy at the Blockbuster (who had the SWEETEST waxed moustache) didn't find it worthy. He said that other than Matt Dillon, everybody sleptwalked through their parts. I didn't think so. I thought it maintained a high level of tension throughout, and hell, even Sandra Bullock didn't suck in this movie, which is a first for her. Yeah, there were definitely some overdramatic moments towards the end, but overall, I would highly suggest you watch this flick. Now, I'm heading over to Lazaro's and then getting my hair cut off.

Who was the first ever rapper or rap group to have an album go diamond (sell 10 million copies)?

JGT Likes the Gamecocks won the sports quizzo held on Sunday at Barrister's, missing only one question in the entire game. Of course, you might recognize a couple of the faces. They are members of The Champs, two time Quizzo Bowl champions. "Hey Johnny," asked Smooth Rob S. after the contest, "I wonder if you could host a quizzo with a theme like 'Obscure 19th century Bikers'. That way we wouldn't automatically win. Ah, nevermind, yeah we would."

For the first time in my life, I hired a cleaning lady. Yes, I think that makes it official. I am one of the elite. (Of course, the other way of looking at it is, my house got so out of control messy that I needed professional help). Regardless, wow, the place looks a hell of a lot better. And speaking of looking good, the cleaning lady herself was pretty damn cute. She's a Mexican who doesn't speak much English, so that gave me a great chance to work on my Spanish. Finally, a chance for me to get shot down by a girl in a completely different language! (Sure, I have failed with Mexican women before, but not while speaking their language.) Anyways, I am going to celebrate my clean house by taking a walk in the park on this glorious day (Alas, not with the cleaning woman). But I'll be back tommorrow with results of the Barrister's Sports Quizzo, and I'll get back on the pizza train tommorrow as well. Heck, I'll even throw the winners of last week at the Dive up on the site.

Headed to Mama Palma's on Friday with several young ladies from the Spanish Pantalonies. Let's get down to business. The service was good Philly style service. The waiter had a smart mouth, but he was fun and funny. The Coke's were fizzy and non-chalky. We quickly established that we were going to be annoying, asking for pizza with half one thing, half the other, getting blue cheese for our pizza, etc. Blue cheese? Yeah, two of the girls are from Rochester, and they claim that it's a Rochester thing. I guess it's their big claim to fame. Philly gave us the Constitution, Rochester gave us blue cheese on pizza. Anyways, it was a good call, as the blue cheese was a nice touch. I may be kickin' it Rochester style on future pizza outings. So despite our badgering, the waiter stayed cool, and brought us out our pizza's. One was a sausage and artichoke heart job, the other was a crab and asparagus pizza. To me, the artichoke pizza was kind of "Eh", but the crab and asparagus was mindblowing. Without question, the best pizza I've had yet. It was a flavor that just got better the more you ate of it. I ended up eating six slices in all. Then, as I was deciding whether or not to eat the seventh, our waiter brought us out some tiramisu...on the house! The tiramisu was downright dreamy. Hold on, let me think of a word less lame than dreamy. No, no, ok nevermind. It was dreamy. Here's what the others thought.

First up is Jenny (3rd from right, hidden by JGT's enormous head): 3 pepperoni for the pizza. Fresh ingredients including the excellent crab meat proved very enjoyable. .5 pepperoni for the lack of dirty looks when asked for a side of blue cheese and 1 cherry on top for the scrumptious (and complimentary) tiramisu! That's 3.5 pepperoni and 1 cherry. I can do that, right? Next up we have Renee (2nd from left): I especially liked the sausage and artichoke heart pizza. The crust was also nice and crunchy and not too thick (a plus in my book). The prices were reasonable. And then of course they get bonus points for the free tiramisu. Finally, we have Amy (far right): Unlike my co-pizza devourers, I wasn't swayed by the free tiramisu that our waiter delivered at the end. Gave up sweets for lent, so this is an unbiased run-down of Mama Palma's pizza. Mama's has an excellent selection ofgourmet creations, offering up combinations that you wouldn't normally put together yourself. This is nice, it forces adventure. I thought that the Artichoke & Sausage pizza was solid: nice, crumbled sausage, good sauce and a crunchy crust. The Crab & Asparagus pizza, though, took the prize. Props for the big chunks of crab, the big strips of asparagus and fresh lemon slices to squeeze. All in all? I'd give it 4 out of 5 pepperonis. But I'm no expert. . .
Well, I am an expert, Amy, and I'm going to agree with you. That's right, JGT is handing out his first four pepperoni pizza! Feel free to drop your own two cents on Mama's below.

Kenichi Fukui made a triumphant return to the silver screen this past week, releasing the blockbuster Two Girls At the Same Time, a title that inspired the name for this week's winners. Fukui, who had last appeared in Chemistry Sluts: A Nobel Pursuit (and who also won the 1981 Nobel PRize for Chemistry), is perhaps best known for being one of the questions in the now infamous Nobel Prize Winner or Porn Star Round. The group says that this piece is different than his earlier film. "This one is much more introspective," said Jenny Whiplash. "It's a complex love triangle, and the director really explores the feelings Fukui had for both women, and how he came to value them not as only lovers, but as close friends." Added Snidely Vanderbilt, "Yeah, and the chick on chick action is totally hot."

MAGMA won at the Good Dog on Thursday night, then complained about the 95 year old lady who got her varsity letter from West Virginia University. "I mean, come on," said DJ Chris X. "She just played other people at the school, not even other players from other teams. I can't believe they're just giving her a varsity letter. Seriously, I'm thinking about breaking into her house, stealing that letter back, and giving it to Kevin Pittsnogle. He deserves two varsity letters."

Wow, how do you write this one without being melodramatic? I guess I should just let the facts speak for themselves. Last weekend, the members of Duane's World found out that their friend and teammate Ken Schober had passed away at the age of 50. The remaining members of the team (plus a few new guys) decided to play on Wednesday, and came away with a victory. I don't believe in a whole lot of "signs from above" stuff or anything like that, but I have to admit that I got chicken skin (aka goose bumps) when I realized that they had won.

The Jams came away with a win at the Vous on Wednesday night, but a bigger story was the triumphant return of Chase Millionz to the local rap scene. The Jams had been emotionally destroyed when they saw their man dissed on a nearby pay phone weeks ago, so needless to say that they were thrilled when they walked down 13th and South and saw that Chase had made his response-by stenciling his name into the sidewalk! "Simple, yet brilliant," said Mike Millionz (not related). "If he wasn't the s***, would he really be this skilled at stencilling?"

The Narcotizing Dysfunktion defeated a veritable smorgasboard of talent at the Bards, giving Johnny an opportunity to use the term veritable smorgasboard. The team then announced that it will be spending all day Friday celebrating World Tuberculosis Day. "Yeah," said Baxter Weinberger, "We'll probably get a keg and play 'Name That Cough', just like we do every year. I'm just excited that it landed on a Friday this year, so that we can Par-tay!"

The Peanut Butter Bumpers ended the Young, the Old, and the Restless's three week run at the top of the charts with an impressive victory at O'Neals on Tuesday. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, the combination of closing down the Bards on Thursday (What? Come on, it was Pittsnogle's last game. I had to drown my sorrows) and the six slices of pie he ate at Mama's (report coming tommorrow) made a nap all but inevitable for JGT. Goodtimes, who should be writing this article about the Peanut Butter Bumpers and not about himself, plans to be lying on the couch within the next 15 minutes.

I went with Cheney's Got a Gun (Home court: The Vous) to NYPD Pizza on Thursday for lunch. Now, when you first walk in, the New York theme is heavily represented. Lots of pics of the skyline, various Yankees, etc. I hate the Yankees. It seems like every year, they seem to think that free agency is...ok, ok, I'm getting pulled off point here. Where were we? Oh yes. Also, on the counter is a little plaque showing that they made Philadelphia Magazine's Best Of...in 2005. Now, I doubt that the Philly mag staffer even tried the pizza. He or she probably just walked in, said, "Wow, this is sixth-burroughrific! It's places like this that are going to finally make us NY Lite!" And gave them a plaque.

OK, first off, I've had their BBQ chicken pizza before and remembered it was good. So I was hoping for it again. No luck. In fact, for a place that sells slices, they didn't have much to choose from. Spinach, eggplant, sausage, or pepperoni seemed to be the only choices. Maybe they had just had a lunch rush and run out of other stuff. Who knows. But I got spinach, and it was pretty unmemorable. Then I went back and got a slice of the deep dish pizza, which was quite a bit better but still not great. I know I've had NYPD Pizza before and thought it was really good. But this time it was kind of so-so.

Here's what fellow taster Chris thought: My pizza experience at NYPD pizza can be summed up in 2 words-mediocre. I had the pleasure of choosing the deep dish and the vegetable slices from a limited array of pizza, sub par selection if you will, especially at a time designated by society as an official lunch hour. (Arrival time 12:40). On a scale of 'roni's I would have to award NYPD two roni's. Though, I will give credit to their crushed red pepper flakes, they were delicious. Next up was Jazmine, far right, who liked it a bit more than Chris: The square pizza was thick, juicy, and the cheese was melted to perfection without it tasting like it was cooked under a light bulb. As for the slice of sausage, I would have probably have liked it better if the cheese was melted on top of the bite-sized sausages, this way the little suckers wouldn't have been rolling off, but it was still great! It gets a three on the pepperoni scale.
Here's what Kim (far left) thought: I wasn't too thrilled about this place. The choices were limited and the red sauce tasted like the standard canned stuff you can get at the grocery store. Overall, I'd give it 2.5 pepperonis. Not bad, but not great either. I gotta go with Kim. It measures a 2.5 on the Roni Scale.

Man, I got a ton of work to do this afternoon. It's almost like I'm turning into...into one of you people. It's almost like Philadelphia's only true man of leisure has...a REAL JOB! Then again, part of my job consists of eating pizza. So not really. Speaking of pizza, I am heading off to Mama Palma's. When I return, I will have a review of Mama's and NYPD Pizza, where I ate yesterday. Plus I'll be doing the stories of this week's winners. And recovering from this nasty hangover.

Wow, what an amazing night of basketball. First, me and pretty much every guy at Good Dog quizzo ran upstairs after round three to see the end of the Duke game, a game that was enjoyable because those dirty dogs didn't just lose. They quit. My boys from West Virginia did not quit, however, making a stirring comeback in the final 20 seconds that concluded with my main man Pittsnogle, bloodied but unbowed, hitting a three with 5 seconds left. The crowd at the Bards went wild, and I jumped into the air and then took off running with my fist pumped. I turned and looked back at the screen, however, in time to see that kid from Texas hit that ridiculous three pointer at the buzzer to dash my hopes and my bracket. It reminded me so much of Lucas hitting that three against St. Joes. I was trying to regain my emotional equilibrium, trying to come to grips with the fact that I would never see Pittsnogle in a West Virginia uniform again, when all of a sudden the Gonzaga game got interesting. UCLA made a miraculous comeback (actually, a more apt description would be total choke by Gonzaga). UCLA with the steal and layup, the Bulldogs getting off a last shot that would have won it. No good. Adam Morrisson falling to the ground in tears. Man, this is the best month of the year.

Johnny is going to be hosting sports quizzo on Sunday, March 26th at Barristers (1823 Sansom) at 8 p.m. All questions will be sports related, with a $40 gift certificate going to the winner and $20 for 2nd place. There will be $4 Victory Hop Devils and 25 cent wings. Barrister's also has drink specials and five flat screen TVs to watch the NCAA tourney games in the next few days. Hope to see you on Sunday.

Went to Joe's Pizza (16th Street between Walnut and Sansom) on Tuesday with my man D-Mac from Philadelphiawilldo. First off, the ordering process at Joe's challenges Pat's steaks in intimidation. Surly looking Italian people give you a hard stare as they wait for you to place your order, letting you know that your diddling is costing them and everyone behind yuo in line valuable time. But Joe's isn't known for it friendliness, it's known for it's pizza. I got two slices. I started with a bruschetta slice. Big chunks of sliced tomato and mozzarella on top of a regular slice. It went down quickly, and I started on slice number two. It was a variation of the "Hawaiian pizza" theme, with pineapple and pepperoni instead of ham. This, this was the best slice I've had so far. The pineapple was juicy, the pepperonis brought a little kick that I don't think you get from ham. The ambiance of the place has also improved since they rebuilt after the fire last year. Still a sort of generic pizzeria, but the red booths make the place seem much less "cafeteria-ish" than it used to. They also gave me a chance to invent the word cafeteriaish. Here is D-Mac's take: I'll give Joe's 3 pepperonis out of 5. I know lots of people love the place, but I wouldn't put it in my Top 5. It's kind of hit or miss, and sometimes overcooked. Nonetheless, the cheese is good, the slices aren't too greasy or cheesy. (Cheesy meaning "too much cheese that slides off" not "lame" -- but the slices aren't lame, either.) I liked it a little more than D-Mac did. I'm gonna give it the illustrious three and a half pepperoni mark (out of 5). Alright, now I'm off to NYPD pizza. I'll have a report this afternoon.

First off, I have to admit, I have probably eaten at Lorenzo's ten times as many times as I have eaten at any other pizza establishment in the city. When I first moved to Philly and was dirt broke, I lived on 6th and South, so I regularly ate a $2 dinner down the block. And on Tuesday nights, after I finish at O'Neals, I grab a quick slice for dinner before I head to the Bards. So obviously Lorenzo's has to have something going for it. But I'm not sure what it is, besides the cheapness and the swiftness of the purchase, as well as a little nostalgia (It was, after all, where he was accosted by the paparrazzi while out with Jersey Girl). I mean, the pizza itself is good, and on some occasions it is great. But it can be a little inconsistant. Palestra Jon and I went on Monday night. The line was short, and we each grabbed a slice and went to the back, where they have placed giant mirrors so you can watch yourself eat. I don't like watching myself eat.

Of course, part of the charm of Lorenzo's is the fact that you cannot have anything on your pizza. Anything. At all. Got it? I've heard people say that the employees are rude, but I've never found that to be the case. Of course, I'm usually there on a Tuesday night, when things are kind of slow. But the dude is always nice to me. Back to the pizza itself. On Monday it was fine. Not amazing, but perfectly good. Here was Jon's take: I gave it 3 burps....same standards as pepperonis. My evaluation....consistent above average pizza...good cheese, sauce too sweet. Jumbo slice perfect for heavy drinking. If I am just sitting down and eating a slice, this is decent but not great pizza. I think John hit the nail on the head. Three pepperonis it is.

Hey gang, got to head off to Spanish class. But I'll be back later today with pizza reviews of Joe's and Lorenzo's. In the meantime, click here to watch Celebrity Jeopardy.

The website will return to it's normal revelry in a little while, but first off today I wanted to note the passing of one of my favorite players. Ken Schober is doing one of two things in the above photo, I'm quite sure. He is either laughing his loud, wonderful laugh or he is preparing to chastise me for not asking any opera questions. Of course, once he was done chastising me, he would make a flippant remark to let me know he wasn't serious and then, of course, begin laughing again. I don't remember any encounters with Ken that didn't include that deep, loud laugh. I am going to miss it. A couple of his teammates on Duane's World supply their memories of Ken (who, depite his jovial demeanor, took quizzo very seriously) below.

I almost forgot to mention that my dawg (K-Fed in the hizzouse, yo!) is turning 28 today. That new album is gonna drop next munf, and den we'll see where all y'all haterz is at, boyyyyyyyyy! Word to ya Mutha.

On March 21, 1980, JR Ewing was shot by an unseen assailant. That assailant turned out to be a character named Kristin Shepherd, who was played by the daughter of what famous singer?

Played quizzo at the Dark Horse last night with Palestra Jon, the lovely Ginger, and her boyfriend. A sad performance, as I missed, "Who said that religion is the opiate of the masses?", a question I've probably asked ten freaking times (I wrote Nietsche, the answer is Marx.) Our team name was Dick Cheney: The Fat Montgomery Burns. After a little research this morning, I found out that I wasn't the first one to come up with the striking resemblance between the two. Here's a photoshop done in Cheney's debate with John Edwards.

As stated previously, I am currently in 25th place in the bracket contest. Are you brackets screwed? Here is a really funny music video called "Bracket Man", that will make you feel better for doing your research and still sucking. Also, it should make you feel better to know that Sports Illustrated had Kansas in the Final Four (they lost in their first game). Thanks to Todd for sending in Bracket Man. Oh, and finally, congrats to DJ Chris R for having the best set list. He wins the $40 gift certificate to the Devil's Alley.

Hey gang, as you know I am in the midst of THE GREAT PIZZA HUNT 2006. But this is not a mission I can accomplish all by myself. I need people to assist me in eating and judging various pizza spots (I'm only asking you to join me for one spot, not for all of them). Believe it or not, this is not a pathetic attempt by me to troll for dates. I am looking for guys, gals, groups, and even Jerseyites to help me find Philly's best pie. If you are free at lunch any time and wanna grab a slice, drop me a line. And don't say no just because I look like a total toolbox in the above photo.

JGT, employing a strategy that entailed trailing early and then coming back in dramatic fashion, is in 25th place out of 37 teams after the first week of action. He had dropped to 35th on Saturday, but still has 7 of his Elite 8 still in play. Here are the top ten.
Niederdeppe 50
Last Place was Last Year 47
Pittisin2006 46
Boobies 45
Odabashian 45
Knicks are an 11 Seed* 45
Artist Philosopher Engineer 45
Team LBI 44
Peep my Pittsack 44
6 teams tied for 10th.
*My favorite team name in the tourney.

Johnny is fuming with jealousy as his quizzo understudy, Jam Master Sean, continues his rise to the top of the national stage. Jam Master, who hosts quizzo on Tuesdays at the Dive, was recently featured in a story on the Fox News website. This comes only weeks after he was on the front page of the Wall Street Journal. Which leads to the obvious question: Why is he only being featured in conservative circles? Where will we hear from Jam Master next? On the Rush Limbaugh Show?

Johnny Goodtimes began THE GREAT PIZZA HUNT OF 2006 on Friday, getting a pie at the Pietro's on 17th and Walnut with well respected pizza enthusiast (and roommate) Trivia Art. Let's start with ambiance: Pietro's looks ok inside, but it doesn't have much of it. Lots of plastic plants and paintings that look like they were bought from Ross Dress For Less. I did, however, like the tall tin ceilings. They had televisions showing tourney games (a plus!), which seemed sort of strange with opera music providing the soundtrack. The crowd was young and attractive, including a hottie at a nearby table who was speaking a foreing language, like French or Spanish or Aramaic or something. But this wasn't a trip to find hottest foreign honeys, this was THE GREAT PIZZA HUNT OF 2006, so let's move to flavor: First off, Coke. There is a major Coke problem in this city. Seriously, it seems like a lot of bars and restaurants in this city put aspirin or something in their Cokes, because it tastes chalky and awful. So I was happy to discover that Pietro's Coke was aspirin-free and tasty. The pie came out, and it looked beautiful. White mozarella cheese, thick chunks of tomato in the sauce, big thick pepperoni's. And it tasted almost as good as it looked, especially the thick pepperoni's. I tore through four slices in a hurry. Finally, service. It was ok. Not bad, but certainly not personable. Typical late lunch service. The Johnny Goodtimes Final Grade for Pietro's on Walnut was the same as Trivia Art's: 3 pepperonis out of a possible 5. A good solid selection to start THE GREAT PIZZA HUNT OF 2006.

Yo peeps, heading outta the crib to grab some pizza. Think I'm heading to Joe's. Will be back with a full report either today or tommorrow. I've got a lot of pizza to eat in the next few weeks. But don't worry ladies. I'll be spending even more time at the gym to make sure that I don't lose this girlish figure with all that pizza.
(P.S. About the bod-yeah, it is steroid free.)

Johnny Goodtimes forgot to take the winning team's photo at the Bards on Thursday night, but he was able to locate and post a photo of the same team winning a few ago without anyone really noticing. "Whew," said Goodtimes. "It's taken me a long time to build my credibility in this city, and it would be dashed in a heartbeat if somebody noticed me using old photos to represent recent news events. I think that's illegal! Oh well, let's just keep this our dirty little secret."

MAGMA cruised to an easy win at the Good Dog on Thursday, but seemed to be paying more attention to what was going on across the street, as Applebee's prepared for their Grand Opening. "Man, first Ruby Tuesday's, then Chili's, now this," said highly acclaimed local DJ Chris R. "Soon, our downtown will look just like Dover's! No wonder everybody's calling us America's next great city! "

Claude Allen's Evil Twin Brother won at the Black Sheep, then was caught trying to send perfectly good hummus back to the kitchen after they had eaten half of it. The team had planted a strand of it's own hair in the hummus, and had hoped to get a full refund after eating half the hummus. The three men, policy advisor's for President Bush, said that the whole thing was just a misunderstanding. They then tried to pay for their drinks with a gift certificate which had expired six months ago.

The River of Rocks returned after an extended sabbatical to knock off the crowd at the Vous on Wednesday, then prepared to eat The Rendezvous new 14 1/2 pound burger (Free admission to next week's quizzo if you can eat the swhole thing in less than 2 hours!). "I dunno, it big, but it's no Beer Barrel Belly Buster," said team member Lil' Kim Hammock. "Now that's a burger!"

\
...she goes and does something like this.

The Sofa Kingdom pulled off a victory at the Bards on Tuesday night. It was their eighth win since the start of February, but it doesn't mean that they are getting the respect they so richly deserve. I was asked by the Hulkamaniacs, who disappeared into the sunset after a couple of wins last year, to pass along the following message:
Hey Sofa Kingdom, we're coming out of retirement on Thursday to take your title, your gift certificates, and your dignity all at once in a four-round, QueensburyRule, mano-a-mano trivia smack-fest. And when its all over, the only question JGT will be asking is: for three points, what team took the time out of its busy day to triumphantly return to the ring and teach a bunch of second-tier trivia punks the kind of lesson you only learn by having your pride servedto you with a pint of Lager?
Answer: The Hulkamaniacs. Ooooh yeah, Sofa Kingdom. The Hulkamaniacs are back and ready to put the Leg Drop on anybody who stands in our way. Say your prayers and take your vitamins, because on March 16 the Hulkamaniacs are going to set the Bards in order. Sweet dreams, ladies.

I dunno why this is being such a pain in the ass, but if you are having a problem signing up for the bracket challenge, just send me an email, and I can send you an invite that should get you in, no problem. Please try to get your request in to me by 10:00 a.m. Thursday, as that will probably be the last time I check my email before the tourney begins. Also, if anybody wants to watch some tourney games during the day tommorrow, I'll be at Barrister's (1823 Sansom) starting at 2 p.m.
Related: Sign Up for Johnny Goodtimes Bracket Challenge.

The Young, the Old, and the Restless knocked off a packed house at O'Neals on Tuesday night, then announced that this year the Northwestern State Demons will be going all the way. "You will amazed when this team wins the national championship," said Brad Motta of the YOR's. "But I won't be." Motta winked mischievously. "Let's just say I've got some insider information." In other news, the nation's best and brightest, Western Illinois really made it's claimas the "Harvard of the Mdwest". The group below (called the Western Illinois Spring Break Crew) not only finished last, they are also spending their spring break in Philadelphia. The college kids said that they enjoyed Philly as a spring break destination, "but it's no Cleveland."

Not much going on today. Working on tommorrow's questions so that I can spend my entire day Thursday watching college basketball. Woo-hoo! Honestly, this is my favorite time of the year. March Madness, baseball around the corner, hot babes emerging from their winter hibernation, hot babes shooting me down because I use terms like "hot babes." Ah, spring! Wait, what was my point of thsi post? Oh, yes. There is another sort of local blog where the writing reminds me a lot of my own. Which is to say, sheer, unadulterated brilliance with dashes of caustic wit and just the right touch of arrogance. It's called badmintonstamps, and it's pretty daggone funny. On a more political bend, my buddy Donald has one called implodingamerica, which I think is really interesting and thought provoking. If you know of any good local blogs I should be checking out, or if you write one, holla atcha boy!
FRIENDLY REMINDER: Get your brackets filled out before noon tommorrow.

Updated: Well, gang, it's time for the annual Johnny Goodtimes Bracket Spectacular. It's simple. All you do is click here. Then, when they ask what your group # is you type 104416 and when they ask for a password, you type goodtimes. (You do have to sign up for a yahoo account. Also, for some reason this is a total pain in the ass with Internet Explorer, but if you use Mozilla, it is no problem. If you wanna know how to make it work with Explorer, send me an email and I'll tell you.) You've got until Thursday morning at noon to get your picks in. And trust me, the tournament is so wide open this year that you could not know a thing about basketball and win the friggin' thing.

The first place winner gets a $50 gift certificate to Barrister's, the place to watch the NCAA tournament. Barrister's has flat screen tv's and the March Madness satellite package, so they will be showing all of the games. More importantly, they are not the Fox and Hound, so the food doesn't taste like they got it shipped in from McDonald's and they will never tell you that they can't turn off the Kenny Chesney song playing throughout the restaurant during the big game because they "don't have permission from corporate."** Barrister's has really terrific food. Speaking of terrific food, the 2nd place finisher gets a $25 gift certificate to the Good Dog. In case you were wondering, I actually won this thing last year, and I expect to win it again this year.

**This sentence brought to you by Bobby Badtimes.

At what Division II school did John Chaney coach before he came to Temple?

Yo peeps. I wanna find out who has the best pizza in the area. Need a little help. Please post under commetns below who you think has the best pie in or near Philly. I'll try out a bunch of them, and find out, once and for all, who has the best. Also, the bracket challenge will be up as soon as I can figure out how we did it last year, so check back soon.

Alright, gang, let's vote for who has the best set list this past week at quizzo. We had three contestants. Kirt DJ'd at the Bards, Clare was at the Black Sheep, and Chris was in the mix at the Good Dog. After the jump, you can see their set lists, then you can vote for which one you liked best in the poll at the right. Whoever has the most votes by Friday at noon wins the $40 gift certificate to the Devil's Alley.

I woke up Saturday morning with a burning desire to get out of town. So I hopped in my car and drove home to Virginia. It's been a great, relaxing, and much needed vacation. Made prank calls Saturday night, went kayaking Sunday morning with one of my best friends from childhood, and picked up my Southern accent the moment I got here. Unfortunately for you people, I also leave the accent here when I return to the city. Too bad. You'd love it. Anyways, so I'm a little late with the set lists for our guest DeeJays, which I'll have up on Monday. I'll also get the basketball tourney brackets up as soon as possible. Winner gets a $50 from your tournament basketball headquarters, Barristers. And I think we might have a lot of fun this week as well, but first I gotta talk to my lawyer. Hope everybody had a great weekend. Gotta roll. Grey's Anatomy is on.

Gin and Juice, by missing every single question in the final round, took home one of the most kickass last place prizes ever, Lionel Richie's debut self titled album. When Johnny bought the album, he had no idea that it also contained a schweeeet centerfold (above, you might wanna click on it just to see how kickass it is). Also at the Bards, Ryan celebrated his birthday last night (below). Finally, I'll be posting the set lists of our three contestants in the "You be the DJ" contest as soon as I get a set list from Kirt. So hopefully before I'll have it sometime this weekend..

The Sofa Kingdom won at the Bards on Tuesday night, but not long after disaster struck in the form of a stunt gone horribly wrong. The Kingdom tried to do a celebratory pyramid, but Sweeney McSweeney toppled off the pyramid to the ground, landing squarely on his head. A hushed silence fell over the crowd, but Sweeney lifted their spirits with an impromptu cheer from his emergency gurney.
It's alright, It's OK
Just because I wear a skirt don't mean I'm gay
(not that there's anything wrong with that)
Goooooooooooooooooooo Kingdom!

Aw, shucks! What a trooper!
Related: Peppy Cheerleader annoys living s*** out of me.

In a move that some are decrying as the "selling out" of quizzo, W/o Jerry McNamara We Wouldn't Have Won Ten F****** Quizzoes changed their team name on Thursday to Red Bull W/o Jerry McNamara We Wouldn't Have Won Ten F****** Quizzoes. The team, which used to be known as the W/O Jerry McNamara We Wouldn't Have Won Ten F****** Quizzoes MetroStars, says that the team name represents a new style. "Yeah, this isn't going to be the tired old W/O Jerry McNamara We Wouldn't Have Won Ten F****** Games you've been used to," said team member Chet Boeheim. "This is going to an all new W/O Jerry McNamara We Wouldn't Have Won Ten F****** Games."

Duane's World won at the Black Sheep on Wednesday, then returned on Friday to celebrate the birthday of good friend Chuck Norris. "Man, we're having a lot of fun," said team member Duane B. Free. "Yeah, but I feel sorry for our waitress," added Mike Minion. "I mean, sure, our drinks took a while to get here, but I don't think that she deserved a roundhouse kick her in the face."

Darth Ern, under pressure from the IRS for not reporting his quizzo prize money from last year, disguised himself as a Storm Trooper to avoid them, then took home a victory at the Vous. "Johnny, please don't give people the impression that I'm any less evil just because I have a Storm Trooper helmet on. I am an evil, evil man. An evil man who will do anything to keep his quizzo earnings from the federal government. Bwaaaahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!"

Shots For Everyone
Due to a camera malfunction, everyone on the website week didn't become a reality for the people at the Dive last week. But this week, there were no camera glitches. Except for the fact that all of the pictures indicate that they were taken the day before Valentine's Day. But other than that they came out great. Shots for Everyone came out great as well, knocking off their competition handily.

Grant Beats the South

Teet Doctor

Team Spirit

For a Shinier Card Say Yes

The Sofa Kingdom won at the Bards on Tuesday night, but not long after disaster struck in the form of a stunt gone horribly wrong. The Kingdom tried to do a celebratory pyramid, but Nate Riley toppled off the pyramid to the ground, landing squarely on his head. A hushed silence fell ovethe crowd, but Nate lifted their spirits with an impromptu cheer from his emergency gurney.
I'm alright I ain't hurt
Except for my pride, Cause I'm wearing a skirt
Goooooooooooooooooooo Kingdom!

Aw, shucks! What a trooper!

The Young, the Old, and the Restless's tears of joy turned to tears of sorrow shortly after the contest, as they were brutally attacked by a giant hairy lobster which was first discovered a few days ago and which now seems hell bent on world domination. "It was weird," said Owen Lukes, who suffered multiple pinch wounds and facial lacerations. "While on the one hand it hurt like hell, on the other, the hair of that creature felt really Downy soft, and I kind of enjoyed the whole thing in a weird sort of way."

Yeah, so the American baseball team lost to Canada yesterday in the World Baseball Classic, which is essentially the equivalent, I think, of the Canadians capturing Minnesota by military force. I mean, Canada? I could understand the Dominican Republic, or Argentina, or even Cuba, but Canada? In a game that took place in America? That's like us kicking their ass at curling in a match in the Yukon. It should never happen. Alright, well I gotta take my roommate to the airport, but I'll be back this afternnon with some pics from this week (including those at the Dive!).

Yo peeps, got an email from Clare earlier describing the DJ stylistics you can expect from her at the Black Sheep later tonight. Here goes.
Peel back the Brooks Brothers surface of an accountant and you'll find a perv inside; Scratch an editor and you'll find a suburban Sid Vicious underneath. The slightly tan, smiling woman in the earth-tone top in the accompanying photo bears little resemblance to the merciless financial editor with the jet-black hair who’ll be playing sternum-crushing dance-punk, nasty (sexy) indie jams and classic party anthems alongside divas like Kylie Minogue, Madonna, and Nine
Inch Nails. (Yes, Trent Reznor is too a diva.)

Am I the only one who thinks the story of the peppy cheerleader is completely assinine, or am I just a bitter cynic who's had a bad month and can't spell assinine? I mean, I like the Beach Boys song, "Be True to Your School" as much as anybody, but the sight of a cheerleader doing her freaking cheer in a stretcher just struck me as completely stupid. I mean, when they put you in a stretcher, isn't it because you aren't supposed to move around b/c you might aggravate your injuries? Is this garbage what's passing for inspiration these days? Super peppy cheerleaders who risk serious injury to scream "Plop-plop, fizz-fizz, Ooooh, what a relief it is"?

"I'm still a cheerleader -- on a stretcher or not," Yamaoka told the Today show while wearing a neck brace. So I guess if I get in a bad car crash and am being wheeled off on a stretcher, I should ask the paramedics if they know who the last Whig president was, because "I'm still a quizmaster--on a stretcher or not." Fine, so I'm just a bitter cynic who's had a bad month and can't spell assinine.

Jam Master Sean (aka C. Urbanus), Johnny's brother in arms at the Dive and notorious local rock paper scissors enthusiast, was quoted on the front page of the Wall Street Journal recently. Seems that things are turning a little ugly in the world of RPS.

Alright, it's off to study my Spanish. Holla at you in the afternoon, knuckleheads! Oh, and there is one more spot available for DeeJaying. The Locust Rendezvous. Send me an email (johnny@johnnygoodtimes.com) if you wanna play your ipod there.
RELATED: Johnny hosts RPS Spectacular.

Hey gang, just asking you to take ten seconds to send a postcard to our president and tell him that he needs to do something to stop the genocide in Sudan. Here's more info on the one man army (uh, no, not Bush) who is trying to make a change.

Wow! Barry Bonds gets grilled by Sports Illustrated about his steroid use this week. They are taking an excerpt from a forthcoming book called Game of Shadows. Here's hoping it urges this worthless piece of trash to retire before breaking one of the most hallowed records in all of sports, Hank Aaron's career home run total. This makes his chase for the record an absolute nightmare for Major League Baseball, if it wasn't already. They let the steroid thing slide for so long, because home runs brought people back to baseball after the strike, but now it's really coming back to bite them in the ass.
RELATED: Audio Interview with author's of explosive book.

Whose Aunt Mimi once said, "The guitar's all very well, but you'll never make a living out of it"?

Now, I'm not looking forward to dying. Not at all. But I do hope to die before my good buddy Andy Nolan does, so that he can do my obituary. You see, every time a celebrity (quick reminder, I was voted Philly's favorite celebrity in 2004, and I do have sort of an on-again, off again thing with Eve) dies, I get an email. Most are brilliant (though some might be construed by stuffy types as kind of, ahem, borderline in terms of taste) but the fact that this guy sends a freaking obit out the next day every time a celeb dies is worthy of acknowledgement. So after the jump, I have listed a bunch of them, with the subject headline in bold and the actual email regular. Enjoy.

Now I know what you're thinking...Johnny, why haven't you been keeping us updated on Flavor of Love? Fair enough. I should have been doing a better job. But I kind of see it in fits and starts, although I must say that this show is precisely why the television was invented. It's got everything you need for great television. Love, tension, Flavor Flav. Well things got a little ugly this past week when Pumkin got voted off. Click here for the ugly, ugly melee which ensued. Thanks to James H. for sending me the link.

Here it is, folks. JGT's first ever "You Be the DJ" Contest. Here's how it works. The first seven people to send me an email (if, for some reason, that link doesn't work for you, you can hit me up at johnny@johnnygoodtimes.com) with the subject headline "I Wanna Be DJ" get to play music between rounds this week (via ipod, mp3 player, or CD player. No turntables, please)). I am going to take seven people, one at each quizzo locale in Philly (Yes, that includes you, Dive!) So in your email you can tell me which place you wanna DJ, but keep in mind, your chances are better if you say "All". Then keep track of your set list on the night you getz buzy. We will post each contestant's set lists on the website on friday and vote for which one is best. Whoever wins gets a $40 gift certificate to the Devil's Alley.

Yo homies. I got a new contest in the works. I'm still working out the deal for a prize, but I should have one by later this afternoon, so check back this evening, because only the first people to sign up will be the ones to get to participate in this contest, which will take place this week. Wow, that was a long sentence. It's going to be ill. In the meantime,you have to see these Volkswagen commercials (and you have to watch all three, they get funnier as you go). I saw them during the Sixers game yesterday (why in the hell was Kyle Korver out there at the end ON DEFENSE?????) These are some of the best commercials I've seen in a long time. I totally want a VW now.

Yeah, so Reese Witherspoon won last night and she deserved it just on her hotness in that movie alone although her acting was really great as well. But it seems that the Oscar's jewel has a little skeleton in her closet. This paparazzi dude named Todd Wallace harassed Reese and her children at Disneyland last year. Five months later he's found in his apartment-dead. The point I'm making here? Simple. Do not f*** with Reese Witherspoon.

Happy Birthday, Marion Berry! The good mayor, whose reputation was sullied when that bitch set him up, turns 70 today. Here's a good article about his rise to power. And here are some actual quotes from the man, including one of my favorite quotes in the history of mankind, "If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate." Here's hoping that DC gets exactly what it deserves-a fifth Marion Berry term as mayor!!!

Darth Ern, one of the biggest legends in the history of the sport, is a major movie buff. And so, this year, for the second straight year, I have asked him to handicap this year's Oscar's. Here is his report:
Best Picture
In the last 39 years the movie with the most nominations has won Best Picture 35 times. Three of the four that didn't starred (Bonnie & Clyde; Reds; and Bugsy) starred Warren Beatty. The other was last year's The Aviator. I thought Crash was the Best Picture of the year. Capote and Munich also made my top 10. Unfortunately, despite it's good acting, I thought Brokeback Mountain was pretty bad. Once you get past the gay relationship what you're left with is two deadbeats who cheat on their wives and neglect their kids. But the Academy gave Best Picture to a stinker like American Beauty and they'll give it to another stinker this year.

Best Actor
I thought Phillip Seymour Hoffman gave the Best Performance (I didn't see Terrence Howard but I'm sure he was good). I think the Academy will give it to Hoffmann.

Best Actress
Reese Witherspoon. I thought Charlize Theron and Felicity Huffman were better. By the way: Am I the only one that thinks Judi Dench can get a nomination just for reading the want ads out loud?

Best Supporting Actor
I'd give it to Matt Dillon but the Academy will give it to Paul Giamatti. That'll be their way of saying we're sorry we didn't nominate you for "Sideways' and "American Splendor."

Best Supporting Actress
Rachel Weisz. Only because SAG gave it to her. I didn't see Amy Adams but I thought Frances McDormand, Michelle Williams and Catherine Keener were better.

Related: Entertainment Weekly Picks the Winners.

History would be made at the Bards on Thursday night, as the Regime of Truth got the second highest score ever, a 117, missing only a 2nd round question about Angela Lansbury. (The One Stop Carnival scored 114...and lost!) Now, normally, that would mean that Johnny would find something funny online about Lansbury, and maybe even photoshop her into the team photo. But not now. A bunch of small kids just walked into the coffee shop, obviously part of some sort of communist plot to prevent me from reaching my deadline, and they are being distracting. The like Indian or Chinese house music or whatever being played here is starting to drive me crazy. And yet, it is 4:47 p.m., and I have just posted the final photo. I am such a badass.

One Stop Carnival

Vince Young Is Smarter Than Me

All By Myself

Carl Winslow is Locked Up In My Basement

Is It Getting Dark Out?

Big Boy

Team DiPietro

The cute girl at the coffee shop had a boyfriend who showed up, so Johnny no longer has her to contend with, and thinks that maybe, just maybe, he can pull it off. Pissing WIth Neil Stein defeated the Cracked Eggheads in Overtime, but that's neither here nor there. Seriously, the pressure is starting to get to Johnny. His palms are sweating, his bloodshot eyes stare helplessly at the clock. There's no way he can get this done. There is just no way. But still our hero marches on, hoping against hope...

Cracked Eggheads

I Quit Sunguard

Drunker Than Bode Miller

Johnny's Girls

Los Decepticons

Djarum Doppelganger

The Adventures of Meatbot and Breakfast Beast

MAGMA

The Satan's Minions won at the Black Sheep on Wednesday, but their was no sign of a photoshopped pic or a snarky little write up, because Johnny is up against the clock and there is simply no time to be clever. JGT desperately wants a nap, and is doing his best not to ogle the cute girl at the coffee shop, because he wants to get your picture up before you leave work today. Because he's a quizmaster who cares. About you.

The Smokin' Something (can't read it, paper's torn)

Sarcasmo (and the Alexander Ovechkins)

Los Psychos

The Domino Effect Effect

Duane's World

Perfect Strangers

The Dan Jones Unsuccesful Experiment

Inflatable Haggis

No Names

In My Spare Time, I Listen to 98 Degrees

The Jams (with special guest star Darth Ern), edged out Cheney's Got a Gun, who surprisingly did not try to shoot Ern in the face with birdshot after the match (what should quizzo be called? A game? A match? A scrum? I need some help here). Regardless, the Jams still won though several of their big guns didn't even show. But there's no time for discussion of their victory. Johnny has like hundreds more pics to post before 5 p.m., and the clock is becoming a factor.

Cheney's Got a Gun

1022

Gag Reflex

Taylor Tots

Dio Trio

Damn, I Lost Their Paper and Can't Remember Their Team Name

Moist Towellettes

The Artist, the Philosopher, and the Engineer

Johnny Goodtimes, bravely fighting off the effects of essentially three straight weeks of a remarkably unhealthy lifestyle replete with heavy boozing, greasy food, and fast cars (trust me, the Crown Vic can freaking move) is still trying to get everybody's photo's up on the website by 5 o'clock today. Can he make it? We'll see. He starts at the Bards, where the Defective Sidewalk won by like 70 points. Yeah, it was ugly. Anyways, enough of the small talk. Here's the pics.

I Survivied a Botched Threesome, and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt

Little Lebowski Urban Achievers

The Gunning Runts

Karl Rove Obsesses Over Me

The Griswolds

Cheneymania continues to run wild. First off he's the star of a new music video. Secondly, there is a fun game where you are the VP, and you are trying to hunt quail. Of course, "hunting" is not really the right term when you are talking about what Dick Cheney does. A better way to say it is "animal massacring", as he often goes hunting in places where people release live animals directly in front of him in a fenced in area and he just walks around and picks them off. He's not so much into hunting for the "sport". He just likes to kill living creatures.

Yeah, I said I'd have the pics up this afternoon. So I walk down to the coffee shop after dropping my clothes at the laundromat. Now, anytime I go to the laundromat, I gotta talk to my man Rudy (who runs the place) about the Dolphins, since we are probably the only two Dolphin fans in the city. We've both been hurt by this Ricky Williams thing, because we really thought we were gonna have a good team next year. Anyways, that's not the point I'm getting at. The point is that I got to the coffee shop (La Va, at 21st and South. It's new) and realized that I had forgotten to bring the cable thingy that I need to put the pics on my laptop. So anyways, I'll try to post at least some of the pics later. That's what I was gettin' at. Yeah.

The Blue Method, Philly's premiere funk band, is gonna be rockin' the TLA tommorrow night, and I've got four pairs of ticketes to give away tonight for the show! That's right, four tix at the Dog and four more at the Bards tonight to see the Method, who Ginger tells me put on an amazing live show. I'm finally gonna get a chance to see them for myself tommorrow night, and I'm pretty excited about it.

Many of you have heard the rumor that top NFL prospect Vince Young got a 6 on his Wonderlic test, meaning that while Young may make more money next year than I'll make in my entire life combined, I will ALWAYS have the upper hand when it comes to word problems. Here is a sample of the test. See how you do. And can someone explain the answer to number six? I don't get it. FInally, do these tests really prove anything?

Man, I got so wasted last night that at the end of the night, I ended up rapping...in front of black people! Good things my rhymes are so tight (at least that's what Eve says-true story!). So let me get my wits back before I start posting your photos, which I'll get started on this afternoon.

Bubbachuck got screwed by the Olympic committee, as he was not one of 22 players invited to try out for the 2008 team. I have the same love hate relationship with AI as most other people do, but after the way he stepped up in the 2004 Olympics when so many other big stars refused to play earned him a shot in 2008. Ashley Fox has a pretty good article about it in today's Inky.

A mere week after embarrassing not only themselves, but their ancestors with a score of 59, the Young, the Old and the Restless came from behind in Round Four to edge Barry Bonds and the Philly-O's, 100-99-99, at a packed O'Neals. There were no incidents of boob-showing or rioting at the South Street establishment on this Mardi Gras evening, a problem Johnny hopes to have fixed by next year.

Barry Bonds Was Fat on Tuesday

Philly-O's

Barnecats

Ike and Mike

Team LBI

We Know Johnny's Real Name

Dork Sided

Psycho Path knocked off Divorce Court to be named the strangest actual Street Name in the US. Farfrompoopen Road finished third. Here are the results. Thanks to Alec for sending this in.