February 2005 Archives

Every team that plays quizzo this week will get a photo on the website!!!

Who won the Razzie this year for Worst Supporting Actor?

If We Win, Next Round is On Us was able to pull off a close victory at the Bards on thursday night. "Things were tight for a while," said Amber Brockowski, "But then Coach John sent in the goons, and I knew everything was going to be alright."

The Coz Touched Me was kooler than a pudding pop at the Good Dog on Thursday. However, their team name made for some awkward silence when Coz showed up to play-on their team! "Oh, man, we had no idea he was coming," said Rachel P. Thaddeus. "We invited him after the case got thrown out of court, but we never thought he'd actually come. He handled like a pro, though. He just smacked us on the ass and said, 'Let's go get 'em.'"

When Did I Eat Corn was able to pull off a victory at the Black Sheep on Wednesday night, knocking off John Chaney's Goons, 96-90. Also, when looking up "corn" online, Johnny stumbled across the photo below, which he in no way enhanced with photoshop. Honestly.

Catwoman, fresh off her win at the Razzies, was able to make it a week to remember, as she led Yo-Ern to victory at the Rendezvous on Wednesday. Bystanders remarked that they hadn't seen Ern this excited since he saw the bellydancer at Quizzo Bowl I. Meanwhile, the Daily Specials (below), often referred to as the L.A. Clippers of quizzo, actually led after Rounds 1,2, and 3! We won't talk about what happened in Round 4.

The Goats won at the Bards on Tuesday night, edging the Defective Sidewalk, 90-88. But the real news came after the contest, when Ronald "Seymore" Butts announced that he was in the running for Pope. When asked what his qualifications were, Ron answered, "I don't know. I mean, I'm pretty kool, I'm a pretty nice guy, I'm Italian. I'd be a good Pope. Why the hell not?"

The Powerful Lust For Red Salmon won again at O'Neals for the fifth consecutive time, but got into trademark problems after the contest. "How were we to know that Jenna Jameson has been doing ads for red salmon?" said Arthur McArthur. "I thought she just did ads for Red Snapper."

The Nicotine Hunger Force wasn't happy with just a win at Doc Watson's on Monday, they also wanted to make a fashion statement. "We've both been huge Camilla fans for years. Wearing these Camilla hats was our way of not only showing her how much we loved her, but also showing America how Kool she is-with a capital K!"

Hey, tell this crazy chicken what to do and it will do it! Type in "breakdance", for instance.

Oscar afficianardo Ernest P. Kern has made his fearless predictions for the Oscars on Sunday. Here goes.

Best Picture- "The Aviator" 33 of the last 37 movies to lead
in nominations won Best Picture. The 4 that didn't was either the first
part of a trilogy (Lord of the Rings - The Fellowship of the Ring) or
starred Warren Beatty (Bonnie and Clyde, Reds, Bugsy) The Aviator is
neither part of a trilogy or has Warren Beatty .

Best Actor - Jamie Foxx - "Ray" If there is such a thing as a LOCK this is it.

Best Actress - Hilary Swank - "Million Dollar Baby" I would estimate more
members saw this performance than the other 4 combined.

Best Supporting Actor - I'm going out on a limb here. Clive Owen won a
Golden Globe. Morgan Freeman won the SAG award. I'm predicting Thomas Haden Church for "Sideways" The Academy will want to give "Sideways" more than just an Adapted Screenplay Award.

Best Supporting Actress - Cate Blanchett - "The Aviator" The Academy loves it when a Lead takes a Supporting role (ex. Renee Zellweger last year)

Best Director - Martin Scorsese - "The Aviator" The Academy is tired of hearing "THE WORLD'S GREATEST LIVING DIRECTOR who's never won an academy award" If he doesn't win there will be a BIG push to get him a Lifetime Achievement Award. (Like what they did with Hitchcock)

Hey, I've started compiling some good Hunter quotes, and as I am reading one of his books of letters right now, I am sure I'll have more coming. If you've got any good ones, feel free to add them. Also, here's a funny article by Tom Wolfe about the times he spent with Hunter. And here's a short but wonderful eulogy by his famous artist friend Ralph Steadman. Finally, check out my eulogy to the good doctor on the message board. Click below to see the quotes.

A pathetic Johnny Goodtimes returned to Capitol Hill this morning (wait, Capitol Hill, Capitol Grill, I just got the play on words! Just now! Seriously. I'm a moron.) to apologize to the outraged patrons of O'Neals who played quizzo last night. "Maroon 5 totally blows, I know they totally blow, and still I played one of their songs last night. It was indefensible. Yeah, I've played Richard Marx and Bryan Adams in the past, but at least they are amusing. Maroon 5 just f****** sucks, and there was no excuse for me to play that bulls***. This is one of the most humiliating days of my life." A tearful Goodtimes was too choked up to finish his speech, and had to be escorted away by Tom Daschle.

What has two thumbs and hates Barry Bonds? This guy. I've been a basball fan for a long time, and one of my most cherished memories of the sport is Barry Bonds flubbing a ground ball during the Giants collapse in the 2002 World Series. Needless to say, his interview yesterday certainly didn't gain him any more fans. But he did make an interesting point about Babe Ruth being white and him being black. Especially since there are many people who think that Babe Ruth isn't white.

As you may recall, I interviewed Todd Carmichael (and his future fiancee Lauren Hart) in late November about his upcoming trek to the South Pole. Well, in December he joined a very small fraternity of folks who have succesfully made that hike, as he walked over 70 miles through the frozen tundra of Antarctica in an effort to hip people to the plight of the orangutan. Uh, yeah. Orangutans are highly endangered, and will be extinct in just a few years unless something drastic is done. So, in an effort to raise awareness, this coffee entreprenuer attempted the most insane stunt he could think of. In this follow up interview, you'll learn about the isolation of the trip, the hikers who didn't make it, and the hardcore scientific gurus who hang out at the South Pole.

In what city was Hunter S. Thompson born? And here's a collection of interviews about Thompson as a youngster.

Set free by the Teen Angels (left) from a prehistoric glacier of ice comes the world's first super team, Homo Erectus, starring Captain Caveman,was able to blow out the competition, 107-82, coming very close to having the highest score ever (they missed the weekly double by one decade.) Sadly, Captain Caveman was unable to adapt to modern ways, and could not refrain from bashing a member of the third place Kilted Potato Ranchers over the head with a club, and thus has been arraigned on second degree felony assault charges.

Der Autobahn proved to be no boobs at the Good Dog on Thursday, getting the breast of the competition. Though the weather was a bit nipply, the autobahn stayed hot, going tit for tat with Oedipus Rex and Free Mumia. "This was a victory or bust type situation for us," said team member Veronica Lipshitz. "And I think that our team was perky enough, firm enough, and well rounded enough to pull off the win."

Snorting Annie was able to pull off a major upset at the Black Sheep on Wednesday night, knocking off the Missing Heads, who had won in three of the past four weeks. But the real shocker came later, when Doug Wead revealed that he had not only tape recorded President Bush admitting that he had smoked pot, but that he had also recorded Little Orphan Annie (aka Little Snortin' Annie), who revealed that she used to encourage children to snort blow on her radio program. Bob Wartzman of the team said, "Yeah, we called ourselves Snorting Annie to expose Orphan Annie as a terrible influence on kids. Yeah, she had a secret society, alright. A secret society of snowblowing children!"

In what had to be one of the most humiliating wins in quizzo history, Dry Heaving in the Fourth Round hung their heads low after their victory at O'Neals on Tuesday, as they knew every single one of the worst love songs ever. Things got even worse when an unidetified source provided Johnny with a first person account of team member Fidge DePardeu's (far left) CD collection, which included all of the following albums (below). "Non, non," said DePardeu. "C'est fabuleux!!! Je deteste le Mr. Monsieur!!!"

Okay, the best three team names of the past week were:
My girlfriend can't fight, but you should see her box
FREE MUMIA (With the purchase of any Mumia of equal or lesser value)
Weekend at Bernie's 3: Vatican City

Good job, gang.

"Fire Hazards won at Quizzo. Heh-heh. Heh-heh. Fire! Fire"
"Uh...yeah. At the Locust. Locust is a type of wood. Huh-huh."
"Heh-heh. You said wood. Maybe he should call himself Johnny Woodtimes."
"That would be kool. Huh huh. Huh huh."
"They beat the Jams. Heh-heh."
"Huh huh. You said 'beat'."
"Heh heh. Heh heh. I am Quizholio. Do not underestimate my powers. heh heh. Heh heh."
"Uh, that's not funny, dumbass. I gotta go, I gotta take a quizzo. Huh huh."
For more Beavis and Butthead, click here.

Dude Where's my Dildo was able to pull off an upset at the Bards on Tuesday night, edging Western Omelette and the F'ers, 94-90-90. In other news, Salvador Dali will have an exhibit at the Philly Art Museum, where you can even see the Persistence of Memory (below). (For more ridiculous dildo artwork, click here.)

Nobody loves us,
Nobody cares,
nobody picks us peaches and pears.
Nobody offers us candy and cokes,
Nobody listens and laughs at our jokes.

Remember Tuesday, when the sun was shining and black and white people were playing music together in the park? That was so kool. Damn wind. Oh yeah, and that 3 on 3 tourney I told you about the other day got cancelled. Finally, the new poll is up. Tell me what the worst love song is, ever.

Just weeks after the worst cover story in the history of the printed word, PW had a really good cover story this week about Frankie Smith and the "Double Dutch Bus". Perhaps the most interesting aspect of the article was the fact that Snoop stole Frankie's Smith's slang and called it his own.
Today, when Smith hears kids saying "izzle," a word rapper Snoop Dogg claims to have originated, he shakes his head. He says the word "izzle" came from the pig latin slang of "Double Dutch Bus." Smith says he thought about going to the tabloids with the story, envisioning headlines like, "GANGSTA RAPPER STEALS 'IZZLE' FROM 'DOUBLE DUTCH BUS' MAN," but he doesn't want to make enemies in the industry.
And after hearing the song, it is blatantly obvious. This wouldn't be so shocking if Snoop didn't seem like such a good Christian. Oh, and here's your chance to see your favorite website shizzolated. (Cut and paste http://www.johnnygoodtimes.com)

Since I do serve as the Man in Black's unofficial fan club president, I thought I should inform you that he will playing in a Tsunami Relief Concert on Friday Night at Abilene's (429 South Street) at 9:00 p.m.

Two lawmakers from New Jersey are trying to bring the NFL draft to Camden. In a statement released by the commisioner's office, Paul Tagliabue stated, "We'll hold the draft in Camden if we're not able to find a suitable arena in Fallujah."

To be honest, I haven't been this upset since I found out that Uday and Qusay had died. I mean, no more Wednesday nights watching sluggish 60 minute games finish 1-0 every single time? No more games between the Columbus Blue Jackets and Phoenix Coyotes? Instead I have to watch more ACC basketball? Say it ain't so!!! Judging by this interview I'm watching, NHL commish Gary Bettman is a real prick, so I'm blaming the whole thing on him, even though I don't know any of the facts. In the event that I'm right, Thank you Gary!!! There's a part of me that wants the 2005-06 season to be cancelled as well, but there is also a part of me that wants to see NHL games played in front of 350 people next year, so I'm kind of torn.

There's a three on three basketball tournament at the YMCA on 17th and Christian on Saturday. The cost is $30 per team, and it starts at 2:00 p.m. on Saturday. Either get there early to sign up or call Alec at 215 735-5800. I'll be playing, so here's your chance to see if you can stop Goodtimes on the hardwood floor. (Here's a hint: You can't).

I'm going to save you the $24.99 it costs to buy "Can You Beat Ken?", the board game by telling you this: You can't beat Ken.

Took these photos yesterday near my house.

In honor of this glorious holiday, Johnny has decided to play the worst love songs of all time all week long. He needs your help! Please request the worst love song you've ever heard in the request a song category. Or post on the message board what you think the worst love song ever is.

Hindu hardliners in India are burning valentine cards because they feel like Western Culture is trying to force the world's lamest holiday on them. In other news, we love Hindu hardliners. Also, here's a pretty hilarious article in Slate about V.D. (valentines' day). By the way, tonights Valentine's Spectacular at Doc Watson's will include numerous questions about spurned lovers and monstrous crimes.

What did Elisha Gray file a patent for on February 14, 1876?

The Homecoming Queens came from behind at the Bards to edge out We All Have Nipples, 83-78. The queens then traded in their gift certificate for this brand new homecoming dress, which interestingly enough is being modeled by a 35 year old whore and is "see through when back lit". What? Oh, it's a website for naughty outfits, not actual homecoming wear. Also, guy at the end of the bar (below) kept things interesting with a running commentary throughout the evening.
Johnny: Round two will be capitals. Guy: W!
Johnny: Please be sure to take good care of your bartender.
Guy: Hey, bartender, do you need a ride home?

Dr. Know, employing help from specialist Bones McCoy, was able to boldly go where no man has gone before at the Good Dog on Thursday. McCoy, who seemed almost offended at the questions ("I'm a doctor, Goodtimes, not a spermologer*"), was able to transport his team to an impressive victory over a room full of Romulons. Oh and here's an interesting article where you can learn about the science of Star Trek.

*one who collects trivia

The Missing Heads celebrated their thirtieth anniversary with a victory at the Black Sheep on Wednesday. "It was not only our 30th anniversary, it was also Happy Days 30th anniversary, so we said, what the hell, let's get together," said "Mean" Gene Okersea. "Fonzi was the only one that showed. I was kind of bummed, because I really thought we'd get to hang with Scott Baio. But he was working on a 20th year reunion for Charles in Charge."

"In 1983, Guion Bluford became the first black man to ever do what?" The answer was go into space. Double Secret Probation answered astronaut. Johnny marked it wrong, infuriating the Probation. To the untrained eye, it probably just looked like Goodtimes was judging the question rather technically. But these are no untrained eyes. These are LAWYERS, and they know that if it smells like fish, it probably is. After exhaustive research, their suspicions were confirmed, as the following photo reveals Johnny with both Bluford and Oliver Stone, conspiring to destroy the hopes and dreams of their team while at the same time learning about the wonder that is zero gravity. But it was to no avail. The Double Secret Probation was able to emerge victorious, despite Johnny's chicanery.

Johnny, who had planned to write this week's Bards story about how hot the chicks are on the victorious Western Omelette, was dealt a severe blow when he was informed by the FBI that the women in question are in the witness protection program, and the usage of their faces was not only dangerous, it was illegal. Therefore Goodtimes had to pixelate their faces. "This blows," said Goodtimes during a televised press conference held in his basement. "I thought if I talked about how hot they were, at least one of them would make out with me. That damn witness relocation program ain't nothin' but a bunch of haters."

The Six Minute Drill took an early lead at O'Neals on Tuesday night and never let up. The team was led by Jacques Juicetoe (below), who carried on one of the proudest traditions in Quizzo. "I've always been a big Ron Artest fan," said Clouseau, "And this is my way of paying homage to the master."

Learning from his mistakes on Sunday, Andy Reid proved that he can lead a team in the late going, as the Eagles Hurry Up Offense ran away from the opposition on Monday night at Doc Watson's. "A victory at Doc Watson's is no Super Bowl," said Andy, "But it's close. And I hope people notice how quickly we were writing down answers in that final round, especially those last six minutes."

13th and Spruce was aglow this past week, as women formerly known as men were cleared to play in this year's British Open. Mianne Bagger (I SWEAR I DID NOT MAKE THAT NAME UP!!!), who was, ahem, debagged in 1995, will be able to participate in this years tourney. However, you will not find Bagger strapping on a pair (of golf shoes, that is) in the US anytime soon. Tranny golfers cannot play in the US. Because they're f****** weird. (Vote for whether or not trannies should be allowed to play golf in this weeks poll.)

Here's a pretty good "Only in Philly" photo on a local blog.

Quote of the week: "All he does is talk. He's terrible, and you can print that. I was happy when he was in the game." -Bill Belichick, talking in Sports Illustrated about Fred Ex. Then, Freddie went on record as saying the Patriots were "like little girls". Uh, Fred, little girls don't win three Super Bowls in four years. Little girls catch one pass for 11 yards. Then, to prove that he's completely delusional, he complained about TO taking away from his playing time. Yeah, kind of like Michel Jordan took away from Jim Paxon's playing time.

"If Wales wins, I'll cut my balls off." Wales won. Thanks to Brian for sending me this link. If you come across any good stuff for the website, feel free to send me a link. Sorry about the video link. It worked yesterday. I don't know what happened.

My man Dan Gross has reported that El Wingador had his throne stolen after Wing Bowl! I can't remember a king having his thone stolen since George II of Greece in 1923. Let's hope it doesn't take El WIngador 12 years to regain the throne, like it did with George. Also, there are talks of a Wing Bowl movie starring Adam Sandler. I am not kidding.

Here's an opportunity to learn your sign in the Chinese zodiac and find out what it means about you!

Well gang, it's been one hell of a 4702, but all good things must come to an end. So tomorrow we welcome in 4703, the Year of the Rooster. Here's a few superstitions to follow to make sure your new year is a wonderful one.

Pompeiian porn just won't go away! A few weeks after we told you about a controversial ad created by the Brownstein group involving Pompeiian porn, the naughty side of our favorite little apocalyptic island reared it's sassy head again! Apparently never seen before frescoes will be put on display later this year. The FCC will then make going to Italy illegal, in an effort to save the children. Favorite sentence in the article: "The highlight of the exhibition was a marble statue of the mythological figure of Pan-the god of shepherds and nature-cavorting sexually with a goat." I'm guessing that WWPD bracelets weren't all that popular.

What # was secret agent Maxwell Smart? (Last week's stories are below)

First of all, I wanted to say hello to all twelve Pats fans who made it down to Philorida. And I wanted to congratulate Sportscenter for rounding up another twenty Floridians and paying them $20 apiece to pretend that they were Pats fans for their post game roundup, so the set wouldn't be completely silent. You Bostonians support your team almost as much as Oakland supports the Golden State Warriors! Way to go!

The only thing worse than the Eagles hurry up offense was the commercials. Here's a review.

Because I Said So took home a victory on Thursday night at the Bards, despite heavy opposition from former team member Chuck Bednarik, who was openly rooting against them. "I don't know why Chuck hates us so much," said team member Gabe Spagnola. Bednarik, who had saved I Said So's last championship in 1960 by tackling Goat member Chet Bumstead in the open field, is simply bitter in the changes in the game. "Back when I played we quizzed for sixteen straight hours, out in the baking sun, and the gift certificates were worth 35 cents, and if you lost Johnny gave you a swift kick to the face, and the wild card round was always Obscure Portuguese Poets, and if your pen ran out you had to write answers in you own blood."

I Can Eat More Wings Than You Can won a narrow victory at the Good Dog on Thursday, infuriating El Wingador. "The team name was not a challenge to El Wingador," explained Stanley "Hot Sauce" Simpson. "I was offering more of a challenge to your garden variety hot wing eater, not to the master. I can eat like 18 or so at a sitting, while most people eat like 10 or 12. I was referring to them, and like children and stuff. I can eat more wings than most children."

In a surprise twist at the Sheep on Wednesday Night, the Team w/o a Table withstood a late charge from the Missing Heads and emerged victorious, earning them a brand new table (below). "That is a disturbing table," said team member Freddy Bruschi. "I almost feel like I'm eating off another man's lap. I haven't done that since college. What? Oh come on, cut me some slack. I was wasted."

Yo! Ern was bale to pull off another victory at the Rendezvous on Wednesday night. But in a shocking development, they were not the biggest nerds there! No, that prize went to Trial by Cheese, who made t-shirts for Quizzo Bowl I, then wore them out to the Vous again on Wednesday. Said team member Oliver Oyle, "You don't necessarily have to be super smart to be a total geek. I think we proved that here tonight."

One Quizzo Team, One City, One Dream won at O'Neals on Tuesday night for the second straight week, as once proud Team Hater continued their descent into the maelstrom. The Quizzo Team, City, Dream then had a parade to celebrate on Thursday, but apparently people in Philly aren't quite as excited about quizzo as they are about football. "Yeah, like six people showed up for the parade," said Fidge Nagurski. "But hell, at least that means we got more fans than the Patriots."

I Went to Quizzo Bowl and all I got was this Lousy Hangover
was able to give Fly Eagles Fly a splitting headache in Round Four at Doc Watson's on Monday, coming from seven points back to knock off the defending champs. The Hangovers were inspired by Max McGee, who scored the first touchdown in Super Bowl history while nursing a raging hangover. Then he founded Chi-Chi's. Seriously.

Thanks to Jason for sending this in. THESE ARE ENTRIES TO A WASHINGTON POST COMPETITION ASKING FOR A RHYME WITH THE MOST
ROMANTIC FIRST LINE, BUT LEAST ROMANTIC SECOND LINE:

The Defective Sidewalk was able to knock off the competition at the Bards on Tuesday night, edging the Omelette by three points, but Johnny forgot to take their photo. "Pathetic," said Ralph "Stonewall" Rodriguez of the Sidewalk. "Several of the people in that photo didn't even play this week! They don't deserve the glory that accompanies a big win! At least pixelate their faces, Goodtimes! Or make mine appear larger! Add Johnny to a short list of people I want to get hit by a bus!"

But if you do decide to try some mind altering hallucinogen today, I suggest you then go to this website. Trippy!

In yet another display of unbridled hubris, Johnny Goodtimes has decided to announce on his website that today is his birthday. Goodtimes, who starves for attention more than anyone else (ok, except for Bono), also would like to let the people know that there is a parade planned on Tuesday in celebration of Johnny's big day. "It's not finalized yet," said Johnny. "There's a few minor details to be worked out, but if it does come together, we're expecting about a million people."

Hey dudes. Here's a couple of kool (with a k) things going on tommorrow night. Photographer and quizzo player Mike Persico will be showing some of his photos in a first Friday appearance at B'Sheihu on 13th and Sansom at 7:00 p.m. Later, there is a great comedy show taking place at World Cafe Live. (I'm not just shilling for those guys b/c they let me do Quizzo Bowl there! Seriously!) Dennis Horan, who is one of my favorite comedians in Philly, will be joined by Coleman Green, John Kensil and others at World Cafe at 10:00 p.m. And what's even kooler? Tix are only $10 each, and all proceeds go to aid tsunami victims!

Here's a bunch of pics put online from the dude at Social Philly from Quizzo Bowl I.

Here's an article on the Fridge done on 1985 (and which includes the line, "In college one time after a game I drank 48 beers. Wasn't nothin'. Just having a nice time.") And here's one done recently letting you know what he's up too.

I think I told you about the quizzo meetup group a couple of weeks ago. Well, this one guy joined and included in his bio , "Haven't played much in Philly, but was city-wide champ in Atlanta." What, city wide quizzo champ in Atlanta? That's like saying, "Yeah, I play basketball for the Hawks. We're the city wide champs of Atlanta." Sorry, but I got about as much respect for Atlanta quizzo as I do for an Atlanta cheesesteak.

Where did Terrell Owens go to college? (Quizzo Bowl I standings for ALL TEAMS, stories about the Quizzo Bowl, and last week's stories below. Just scroll down.)

Dr. Know was able to emerge victorious at the Good Dog on Thursday night, edging out On the Dole, 82-76. Before you make a reservation with Dr. Know, let it be known that they are not accredited! On the Dole, a rag tag bunch of unemployed miscreants who went hungry after not winning the first place prize, learned a valuable lesson on Thursday night: that if you bug the s*** out of Johnny, AND you have cute girls on your team, you'll probably get a photo on the website.

Conspiracy Theorists had a field day on Wednesday, as the only other team besides Yo! Ern to get left out in the cold the week before, the Missing Heads, was the only other team to repeat, thus allowing Johnny again to be able to do two stories in one. "That lazy bastard," said Graham Boyd of rival la Salsa Caliente. "You know he grooved the questions to make his life easier." Johnny was outraged at the accusations. "What? How did he know that? I mean, why does he think that?" The Heads, who played with as many as 27 players at one point the first week, proved that they didn't need to cheat to win the second week. They probably should have cheated at Quizzo Bowl. At least in the T/F round where they got 5 out of 15 correct.

Yo! Ern, a week after receiveing no glory on the website due to technical difficulties, made Johnny's job a lot easier by winning again, so that Goodtimes only had to write one story. If your team wins, and you're fairly confident they're going to win again the next week, please contact Johnny and let him know. He'll just do both stories at once, and be able to spend more time indulging in leisurely pursuits.

The Western Omelette won at the Bards on Tuesday night, but their thoughts were elsewhere by the time this story went up. "Johnny," explained White Wilt, "We're real concerned about Hillary. I don't know if you heard this, but after fainting yesterday, she really seemd to lose it when she came to, and by last night, she was making out with Elton John. If we win again tonight, all of our proceeds will go toward ensuring a full recovery for our favorite former first lady. Well, at least since Lady Bird."

The Stun Gun Nap was able to pull off a victory at O'Neals on Tuesday night. Sadly, their team name was unfortunate, as all fans of stun gun naps quickly turned their attention from O'Neals to South Carolina, where a police officer tased a 75 year old woman at a nursing home.

Fly Eagles Fly were able to soar past the competition at Doc Watson's on Monday. Uh, ok, so it was last Monday, the 24th. (They totally choked last night. More on that later.) But the thrill of victory was short lived. Payday Brickowski (left), whose torrid affair with Eagle cheerleader Mikki has been well documented, was devastated soon after the contest when he found out that Mikki had been cheating on him-with Yanni!!!