July 2004 Archives

You've seen the candidates. Now it's time to vote for who's going to take over for Johnny. You'll get one vote. I've reprinted the contestants answers to "Why do you deserve to be the next Johnny Goodtimes?" below. Here's Johnny take on the candidates.

Trivia Art was steady, and I know from working with him in the past that he is dependable. He was also able to take the heat well when his Dotcom Boom or Bust Round became the poster child for disastrous wild card rounds, and being able to take s*** from you wolves without getting mideval is a real gift. Doug the Professor had a nice delivery, a good sense of humor, and came up with a really good true/false round, which can be tough to do. Mentioning in public that his favorite baseball team was the Yankees, however, and dedicating a round to them was not the shrewdest political move in this city. The girls came up with what I thought was the most creative wild card round, "The science of hip-hop." Their main problem was volume, though they got a lot better at it as time went on. The Inquizzanator had a good voice and enunciated well, at least until those Brits bought him a Long Island Ice Tea at the Black Sheep. Fortunately, he made it through the round before the buzz had kicked in entirely. The crowds really liked him, but they thought his wild card rounds were a little too specialized. Bethesda and the lovely Elizabeth were undoubtedly the strangest entrants in this contest, but I thought they both had commanding voices and a good deal of confidence. Reviews on their fruit wild card round were decidedly mixed, but I thought it was pretty creative.

Each contestant was required to write down why they deserve to be the next Johnny Goodtimes.

* I’ve never given my laundry to a crackhead.
* I need a reason to wear Hawaiian shirts.
* I won’t bail on quizzo to talk to the animals.
* I hate Jane Eyre.
* I will not use my position as quizzo master to hit on impressionable young women who play quizzo, like a certain local quizmaster who shall remain nameless.
* In a former life I went by the name Trivia Art and was responsible for daily trivia questions on a web site that was named by Yahoo! as one of the 50 Most Incredibly Useful Sites on the Internet.
* I do a mean Pope J.P. Deuce impersonation.
* I have a solution to the homeless problem.
* I have not been convicted of a Federal crime, yet.
* I promise to start within a half an hour of the scheduled start time.
* I have nothing better to do.

Second up is the team of Jess Maybe and Katie Sometimes. These beautiful ladies were in action last night at O'Neals and the Bards. They actually got a letter of recommendation from a distant cousin of Johnny, Bert Mediocretimes.

I am writing to you on behalf of Jess Maybe and Katie Sometimes. These women are of high moral stature, absolute dependability and impeccable intelligence. Their dogged love of quizzo has formed them into the fine young women they are today. Having known them, I would highly recommend them to any quizzo capacity they choose to pursue. These qualifications make them exceptional candidates for this position.

Sincerely,
Bert Mediocretimes

Let's hope that "high moral stature" statement doesn't cost them!

The third contestants are a pair of brothers, Bethesda and the lovely Elizabeth. They wrote a paragraph explaining why they should be the next JGT. Thus far they did a great job entertaining the O'Neals with strange fruit and then did a horrible job running off copies for the Bards crowd.

To be accepted into the Goodtimes family and to actually become Johnny incarnate would not only be an honor, but would set into motion those events which put myself (Brother Bethesda) and the Beautiful Brother Elizabeth at the forefront of the race for world domination. We hope to raise an army whose strength is trivia and who could be cajoled into fighting for $25 gift certificates. In addition to sustaining and nourishing the current fan base, we hope to strengthen, expand, and finally enable this veritable sisyphus to transform into a juggernaut. And when Johnny returns, his business will have turned into an empire, and he will be grand ruler of the entire Planet.

Next up is Doug the Professor. He had a list of six reasons he deserved to be the next Johnny Goodtimes, and will be seen tonight.


1. I choose not to wax my goatee.
2. I'll keep saying, "Can you Doug it?" as my catchphrase.
3. No pirate jokes.
4. I'll give everybody my password to bangbus.com.
5. I know that Tiger hands is the best hand in Paper Rock Scissors.
6. I have a lot of free time.

Finally, we have the Grand Inquizzator, who was in action last night.


One could easily view my entire tenure on this planet as naught but a quest to
accumulate marginally useful information and force people to listen to me.
These drives, coupled in a normal person, would've already produced a
formidable quizmaster in a city like Philadelphia - gripped, as it is, by a
quizzo pandemic. But there is a third drive within me which is equally
insatiable and fundamentally at odds with the first two; the drive to make it
to the grave having accomplished absolutely nothing. On rare occasions, when
my near-total lack of ambition is somehow circumvented by sheer dumb luck, I
manage to do one or two of the 80,000 things I've said I would do. This is, or
could be, one of those things. Once I get started, I rule. It's just that the
initiative is often lacking. So, in summation, for me not to get this gig
would suck a whole bunch of dog c*** onaccounta I'm 34 and will be dead soon
and I'm destined to start a quizzo empire in Portland (or somewhere) and if
I miss this crucial step I may never do anything and so I might as well just lay
down and die. In fact, I may as well just come right out and say it -I have a gun to my head and I'm gonna pull the trigger if I don't win. There, you happy?

Notorious NOS was able to withstand a late run by the Boys From Dicios at the Good Dog on Thursday and win 80-79. It was their second straight win at the Good Dog. Squeaky Fromme says hello.

Twelve Inches of Hard Quizzo came up a little short at the Black Sheep on Wednesday, allowing the Missing Heads to escape with a 100-95 win. The win moved the Heads into a 2nd place tie with The Haters on the win chart. "We're not that excited about it," said team member Lance Thrustworthy. "I've always heard that a tie is liking kissing Twisted Sister."

The Shotwads were able to shoot past Goodbye Joe on the final question of quizzo on Tuesday night at the Bards, as the Goodbye Joe's got screwed by Marilyn Chambers (in a figurative sense). "How were we supposed to know the answer to the Ivory Soap girl question?" asked Liam Butterscotch. "We 're all Zestfully clean."

The University of Panda's Ham, a fully accredited University, is now accepting applications for the fall. We are a diverse, comprehensive University of national and international prominence. Our dedication to discipline can be seen in our motto: No lo hagas! (Don't do it!) Our football team really blows, but our quizzo team made it to the big time with a win at Johnny Goodtimes's quizzo at O'Neals, holding off the Summer Backslaps, 94-93.

Oh ho ho My Goodness, a conglomeration of some of America's brightest minds, was able to look defeat in the eyes without squinting, and dispatched of a fiery team from I Robot, 96-91. The win was inspirational, as Jeff Silverbloom of the Goodness was recently diagnosed with scurvy, having somehow gotten it from a 18th century sailor. Long story.

The Truants became the first team in the history of the Lost Tribe (Clements, Center Square, and Rendezvous)besides the Jams or the Bullies to win two straight. They were also able to fight off last weeks charges of drug pushing, as Johnny's testimony was thrown out of court on account of his being a renowned liar.

Here's some pretty kool optical illusions.

Sorry, it was Forbes that recently revealed the richest supermodel in the world. This is according to Forbes, not to other websites. Here's the link.

After a self imposed exile, the Prez (Now appearing as Ben), has returned to the JGT message board, and returned to firing missives at the king of Goodtimes. So if you enjoy seeing Johnny verbally abused, check out Ben's reply to the crackhead post.

The Simpsons creators announced that Springfield is soon going to legalize gay marriage, and that one of the characters on the show is going to have a gay marriage.

The contestants were all given the assignment "What I learned from being Johnny G. for a night?" Thus far, four have answered. Here are their replies.

In today's society, the concepts of honor and justice are as rare as 15 year
olds named Hazel. America's apathy to morally reprehensible events and actions is, well,morally reprehensible. This culture of indifference pervades every element of our lives, invading our living rooms on the news, cloaking our words,and clouding our decision making abilities.
What we have learned in our first week as Johnny Goodtimes, however, is that
all members of the quizzo community are stripping off this leaden glove of
indifference and grasping for the brass ring of truth, justice and the
American way.
Yes, last week, a great tragedy was averted. The evil falcon of electoral
fraud attempted to swoop in and steal a hard won victory from us. We thank
all of you for speaking up and preserving our triumph.
What they wrote really doesn't make much sense to me. But damn they're cute, aren't they?

Since everyone hates the true/false round anyway, I thought I’d have some fun with it and make it a themed round. As long as everyone had approximately the same chance of answering correctly, what would the harm be? The round is supposed to be the great equalizer anyways. Boy was I wrong, my theme, DotCom Boom or Bust, went over about as well as a narc at a biker rally. So I ruffled some feathers at Locust Rendezvous and Black Sheep, and Johnny gave me a much safer wild card round to do on Thursday. But I’ll tell you what; I miss the anger that was directed at me Wednesday night. The world needs villains like Ken Jennings, the Yankees, the manatee, etc. I think that’s my role, to be the hated quizzo master. I’m sure that this week you’ll enjoy “true or false, this is the name of a piece of Ikea furniture” and questions like, “am I wearing underwear?”
So that’s what I learned, it's OK to be hated, and I learned a couple of other things to, most notably that Johnny is weak when it comes to telling women no.
I think the Narc at a biker rally would have gone over a little better Trivia Art's wild card round. I think his wild card round went over about as well as an adult female on R. Kelly's tour bus.

The crowd at the Rendezvous is very whiny. And fickle to boot. They jumped
down my throat for asking questions about the Yankees. One gentleman said that
every answer for my round should be, "Who cares? The Yankees suck." My
favorite was the nice older man who pointed out that a train leaves for NY from
30th Street Station every hour, and I should be under one. But they started to
sing a different tune when they heard the true/false questions about dot com
businesses. Then they all loved me.
Trivia can not be rushed. It must be laid back. If you try to rush it and
adhere to what normal people might call a starting time, then it's not trivia.
It's an SAT.
Doug went on to say a bunch of stuff about his car breaking down on the way to Thursday night's quizzo, but let's be honest. Who gives a s***?

On Wednesday my mom took me to the bar. I wanted to talk into the microphone where you ask people the questions. There was a man there whowas nice. He told me some questions to say. Then i got to say the questions my mom gave me but only half because of these two girls. I got a little sad but not cried.
Then the man told me that they were pretty and I could see he was right, but
usually they're gross. <--- I did the letters trick. The girls were also nice.
Then a strange man had some fruit but he was nice too. On my trip to the bar
to play pretend to be Mr. goodtimes, I learned a lot. First, ther are a lot of
nice people in bars. When my mom got too drunk to walk a man even carried her all the way home because he was nice. The questions were hard. When I grow up, I want to be a bar.
Before you vote off the Inquizzanator, remember that he does have a disadvantage: He's out of his f****** mind.

This one's pretty creepy. Your computer can figure out what you're thinking about by asking less than 20 questions.

Here's an interesting article about scandal at the ancient Olympics.

Crazy NOS, a team consising of med school students, sweated out a two point victory at the Good Dog on Thursday, but then left before Johnny got their picture. Fortunately, Johnny had a date with a nurse later that night, and thought she would fill in nicely for the med students.

The Rocket Scientists used a foreign object to knock out the Missing Heads at the Black Sheep on Wednesday, 93-91. Ric Flair, who was there to endorse his top ten book, walked that line. "To be the man, you got to beat the man," said Flair after the contest. Wooooooo!

The Truants tried, in a sly fashion, to use their newfound celebrity to endorse casual drug use. Then, when he looked up "truants" on google images, the first thing that came up was the picture below. Johnny immediately called the DEA and the president to warn them of this sketchy squad. If all goes according to Johnny's diabolical plan, the Truants will have their hands lopped off in the public square.

The Goats took sole control of the #1 slot with a win this week at the Bards. They also took the opportunity to unveil their new mascot, Emmanuel. "We're really excited about being the first team to unveil a mascot," said team spokesman Chet Bumstead, "And we apologize to the Bards for Emmanuel pooping all over the table."

Car Ramrod won over a packed house on Tuesday at O'Neals, raising the question, "What the hell is a car ramrod?" Looking it up on google only made things murkier, as the picture below is off the website for car ramrod, which is about a 2002 Montana pee-wee basketball league. Hopefully, more details will be forthcoming.

Johnny's mom won for the second time in two tries, this time by Johnny's sister, raising suspicions. I Yam What I Yam team member Jeb Bush said such charges were ridiculous. "Are you kidding me? There's no way that America would stand for such an important contest could come down to nepotism."

After one week, this is really still anyone's race. No-one has emerged as the definite front runner. However, a few things are abundantly clear at this point. For one, Bethesda and the lovely Elizabeth will never be asked to run off copies again, after their disastrous performance on Tuesday left teams at the Bards with crooked papers. However, I did think their "Name that Fruit" wild card round was the most creative of the bunch. The Grand Inquizzator was steady if not spectacular, and I did like his reasons for wanting to be the next JGT. An Irishman, you have to wonder if whiskey could be his downfall. Doug the Professor's pick of a wild card round was somewhat shocking. Like going into shark infested waters with a bad nosebleed, Doug decided to go to the Rendezvous and the Black Sheep and try out a New York Yankees wild card round. Though booed mercilessly, Doug was undeterred, and says that next week he'll do a wild card round on his other favorite team, the Dallas Cowboys. As far as wild card rounds are concerned, Trivia Art's was, without question, the most disastrous. The True/False round has never been extremely popular, and to try to do a themed wild card round proved to be a cataclysm. Trivia Art was heckled mercilessly at both the Rendezvous and the Black Sheep, and was lucky to lose only his dignity, and not an appendage. As for the ladies, well a controversial call has brought them back into the fold. Volume was their main problem, one that must be addressed if they hope to make the most of this second chance. They were unquestionably the best looking of the group, but then again, with this bunch, that would be like being voted "Least dorky" at a Star Wars convention. Voting is set to begin late next week.

After hours of heated debate, the official Johnny Goodtimes Parliament has reached a shocking verdict: That Johnny's kicking the girls out of the contest was a direct violation of the "No Cute Chick Left Behind" policy that Goodtimes himself had helped to implement at the end of last year! Therefore, the ladies known as Jess Maybe and Katie Sometimes are back in the "Be the Next Johnny Goodtimes" contest, and will be seen next week at the Black Sheep and Locust Rendezvous!

I'm putting this one back up just to make sure everybody sees it. This is an incredible parody of Bush and Kerry. If you haven't seen it already, you've got to check it out. It's hilarious. Thanks to White Wilt and a couple of the cuties on the Omelette for passing this on. If you know of a great website worth checking out, please feel free to contact me, and I might put it on the site.

Happy birthday to Katy Monsoon and Jeff Roswell, who played at the Black Sheep last night. If you have a birthday coming up, please let me know, and I'll put you on the website.

The Grand Inquizzator was able to hold off the two lovely young women known as Katie Sometimes and Jess Maybe in a vote last night, 35-24. The Inquizzator had a huge lead after O'Neals, but the girls made quite a comeback at the Bards. It just wasn't quite enough. The Inquizzator will move on. But there are no losers in Johnny Goodtimes Quizzo (except for maybe the Western Omelette**), so as a consolation prize, Johnny is going to allow the two lovely young ladies to buy him a drink at a future date. "If these young ladies need a shoulder to cry on, I'll be there," said Goodtimes, proving that he does indeed have a heart of gold. We are now down to four teams, and they will be competing over the next week. Then you, the fans, will decide who you want to be the next Johnny Goodtimes by voting on the website next week.

**I'm kidding, White Wilt. Relax.

Johnny just received this letter from the ladies who who lost last night!

"Did you count the hanging chads? How about the absentee ballots? I smell
electoral fraud.

Sincerely,
Kaitie Sometimes & Jessica Maybe"

Stay tuned!

The President of Tony Blair's Irish Fan Club and team member of Track and Field Jesus Liam Snodgrass celebrated his birthday on Tuesday. Anybody else who has a birthday coming up, be sure to contact Johnny, and I'll put you on the website.

Here's the official site of the Darwin Awards, given to people who die in the stupidest ways.

I'm putting this one back on, in case you missed it last week. It might be the weirdest one ever.

What was the name of the island in the movie Jaws?

To read the critics blasting Johnny, click here and scroll down to Thursday's entry. Hit "comments" to read Johnny's response.

If you're interested in being the next Johnny Goodtimes, you must sign up today. Thus far there are four people in the contest. Several people who have told me they're interested have not yet signed up. Hit contact Johnny on the right and send me an email. You must be free on Tuesday thru Thursday nights for three weeks in August. The contest is open to both females and males, as well as hot, sexy shemales. The pay is pretty damn good. On Friday, you will be given your first assignment. You also need to be free to tryout at a variety of quizzos over the next two weeks. I am not sure how to spell quizzo when it's pluralized. Quizzos or quizzoes? Judging will be determined online and by the Johnny Goodtimes Parliament (above), a group, formed in the 1740's, that determines all decisions of this magnitude.

I Have a Contagious Rash was able to hold off They're All Canadian, 89-83 at the Good Dog on Thursday. But the big story was Cheating on Kadunc, who was the only team all week that believed that an Iranian woman gave birth to a live frog. "Come on Johnny, we've got the photo to prove it," said Chuck Smooth of the Kadunc's. The Johnny Goodtimes Parliament determined that said photo (below) was inconclusive.

The Missing Heads were able to win at Black Sheep on Wednesday night, scoring their 15th victory in the process. "We just won our fifteenth match, we're a bunch of single guys, we're a little buzzed," said team leader Ricardo Montojohn, "If only we could find something to do around here to celebrate."

The Moofs blew away the competition at Rendezvous on Wednesday, crossing the 100 point mark in the process. As for the guy on the left of the photo, he was not photoshopped in by Johnny. "It looks like one of our Photoshop jobs, the way he just seems to be pasted in there, and kind of three dimensional. But no. It's au-naturale. Well, except for that arrow," said Johnny. In other news, Benedict Ern-old played in his first contest for Yo! after leaving the Jams, and helped to lead them to a 2nd place finish.

In a surprise political power play at the Bards on Tuesday, the Western Omelette threw their political clout behind Dennis Kucinich soon after he helped them to an exciting come from behind victory. The Omelette were able to hold off Jesus Ate My Baby and 12 inch Quizzo, 99-98-98. Team captain White Wilt Chamberlain, long a radical left winger who once handcuffed himself to a tree in Rittenhouse Park for 6 months before discovering he had handcuffed himself to the wrong tree and watched helplessly as the tree next to him went down, was able to gather Kucinich and all four of his other supporters in Pennsylvania for Tuesday's quizzo. The Omelette won by answering every question correct in round four.

The Plumbers not only won at O'Neals on Tuesday, they were also able to lay some much needed pipe right after the victory. In fact, Thad "Toolbelt" Anderson, felt like the job was so necessary, he didn't wait for the pic to be taken to get started. "We need to lay this pipe as soon as possible," said Thad. "She needs it, sure enough." (Thad's plumber butt has been pixelated to keep the "family style" atmosphere we at johnnygoodtimes.com value so highly.) Twenty minutes after starting, Thad, sweat pouring from his body, muttered, "I don't remember the last time laying pipe felt so damn good."

Everything seemed to go fine at Doc Watson's on Monday. The winning team, whose name Johnny forgot, worked with a robot to achieve victory. It was a great moment for human-android relations. The robot was perfectly friendly, and I don't know what Will Smith has his panties all up in a bunch for. I mean, robots are...HOLY S***, THAT ROBOT JUST ATE SOMEBODIES HEAD OFF! MAYBE WE SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO WILL! I MEAN, HE DID WRITE PARENTS JUST DON'T AAAAAAAAAAAA!

Kid gets into trouble at school for having a bitchin' hairstyle. Also, if you didn't take this test the other day, you have to take it now.

I'm the real Saddam, yes I'm the real Saddam.

This may be it. Warning: Parts of it are tasteless, and not suitable for work (don't click on gennies), but most of it is ok, and downright amazing.

Ever wondered how much you weigh on Saturn? Now you can finally know. And you might not want to know how much you would weigh on Jupiter. Trust me. I'm going on Atkins as soon as I get there.

What do Pamela Anderson, Neil Young, and b-ball inventor James Naismith have in common? (What, you think this question was just some cheap ploy to get Pamela Anderson on the website? That is absurd.)

Dick Cheney says, "You better start eatingW ketchup, so you won't be supporting the Heinz's!

The Dooty Pages ran the tables in Round four, answering all ten questions correctly to pull past the String Shoe Potatoes, who had held the lead throughout. The Fish Stix, meanwhile, were beaten like a red headed stepchild.
(i.e. Sam from Different Strokes)

Following a narrow loss to the Broad Street Bullies, Ern of the Jams made a startling move, defecting like a Cuban pitcher to Yo! The Bullies, meanwhile, won for the third time in the past five weeks, pushing their victory total to 12.

Johnny's cousin Jackie Goodtimes (below) has been unemployed for over three years, "just waiting for the right opportunity." Jackie, who used to be a wedding photographer until he was caught Jell-o wrestling with one of the grooms, begged Johnny to be his official photographer. Bad idea, as this photo of the victorious Goats shows. "First Johnny gives his dirty laundry to a crackhead, then he hires his washed up cousin to take photos," said White Wilt. "Left wingers never learn."

The RIver of Rocks, aided by hot dog eating champion Kobayashi, were able to survive at the Black Sheep on Wednesday night, scoring an impressive 103 in the process. Other teams were furious that Kobayashi was allowed to play, especially when it turned out that round 2 was hot dog eating. "That's ridiculous," said Big Bopper of third place WTF. "I mean, I can put down a hot dog or two, but not 32 in six minutes like that jerk for the River Rocks. I'll never play this stupid game again. Well, at least not until next Wednesday."

Disaster struck Team Hater again this past week, as only moments after a convincing victory at O'Neals, a small prop plane crashed into them. This, of course, occurred only a week after three members of the squad died when they were hit by a train. "It's almost like we're cursed," said Franz Fritzfurter of the Haters. "I really don't know what a plane was doing flying around inside that bar to begin with." Said O'Neals spokesman Tommy Lidpopper, "It was a publicity stunt that just didn't work out the way we had planned."

Here's a website of the dumbest laws in the world.

Johnny is hoping to leave the country next month, but first he needs to find a suitable replacement for quizzo. Wanna earn a little extra scratch and be a B-level celebrity for a few weeks? Send me an e-mail if you're interested, and we'll see if you have what it takes to be a man (or woman) of leisure.

Hey gang, if you do ever do decide to smuggle 17 pounds of cocaine onto Amtrak, I suggest that you do not smoke a joint on said train.

Ever wondered what to do if your car is teetering over thge edge of a cliff? Well, now you've got the know-how! Remember, Johnny's not just a game show host. He's a lifesaver.

Johnny learned a valuable lesson last friday: never trust a crackhead, especially with your laundry. When Johnny told the neighborhood crackhead he'd pay him if he would do some laundry for him, he truly didn't think the man would run off with his clothers and $8 in quarters. Yet that was friday, and Johnny has not seen his clothes (or his quarters) since. If you see a white basket filled with clothes anywhere in the city, please let Johnny know. Thanks. (By the way, I spelled laundry "landry" by accident when I typed it into google, and what resulted was a lot better pic than any pic of laundry.)

Find out here!

What type of journalism is Hunter Thompson credited with inventing?

Here's a presidential quiz you all might enjoy.

This game is a lot of fun, but highly addictive. I still can't believe that girl made those pics with ketchup.

The Lima Ass Cracker won in convincing fashion at the Good Dog on Thursday night. Meanwhile, Johnny saw this brave young lady below carry her drunk friend down the stairs piggyback! And as you know, Johnny likes to acknowledge those sweet souls who sacrifice for their friends. Especially when they're hot.

The Jams were able to run the tables in round four and knock off the Missing Heads, 108-104. The controversy came when one of the members of the Heads was whacked in the knee right before the competition started. "Why me? Why me?" screamed Randy Whereagain. The Heads hope to have Randy back in time for the Olympics.

Big Jim, making no qualms about it's intentions, was able to squeeze past the Bullies and the Micawber Family and win at the Rendezvous on Wednesday, 88-86-86, and win themselves some free beer.

The Goats have been doing so well that they've caught the eye of the ultimate promoter, Don King, who has taken them under his wing. The Goats stand to make $7 million for their next quizzo, although they will be exploited and eventually broken by King. "Their Quizzarific dubiousness is an asset to be extemporated," said King, who then added, "Only in America."

Korsakoff's Drinking Buddies had big smiles on their faces after quizzo at Doc's on Monday. But it wasn't just because they won, but also because of what they won-a cruise around the town with Debra Lafave! But those smiles turned to frowns a few hours later. "We were a little too old for her," said Jeff Studkowski.

You've beaten dead horses before, Johnny, but this takes the cake. I mean, come on. Lafave was in the last story. This is pathetic. What? This link will take me to more hot photos of her. I just scroll down to the bottom of the page? Oh, ok, kool. Forget all that stuff I said earlier, Johnny. I was just messin' with ya. Oh yeah, and Dr. Bread and Butter and the Flapjacks won at O'Neals.

Check out Rock Paper Saddam!

Did you know that you can use Coca Cola to clean your toilet? Or Colgate as spackle? Or Miracle Whip as a hair conditioner? There are hundreds of strange uses for household items on this website.