Stupid Sexy Flanders Overshadowed by Fillmore

Stupid Sexy Flanders crushed the opposition at the Bards on Thursday night, but the win was buried in the papers after the announcement that former U.S. President Millard Fillmore was releasing his own special brand of Beef Jerky. This announcement comes almost nine months after former prez John Q. Adams threw his support behind Colt .45 Malt Liquor. Fillmore, who helped make the Whig party what it is today, says that his jerky "is a touch spicy, but not too much so." And while our thirteenth president may have helped puch the Compromise of 1850 through the Senate, he says that "Tastebuds won't be compromised when they enjoy our jerky's smoked taste."