Johnny says April Fools Wins, Celebrates Chertoff's Promotion

Johnny Says April Fools held off Ronald Reagan Ate My Baby in a shootout at the Bards on Tuesday night, 108-103. The team then celebrated the fact that Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff had moved up in the "Be the Next President" rankings. Said team member Stanley Slackspence, "Yep, if Bush, Cheney, Hastert, Stevens, Rice Snow, Rumsfeld (God forbid), and Gonzales all die, our boy Chertoff moves right into the old Oval Office. I can't remember a jump this big in the rankings since Notre Dame's basketball team ended UCLA's 88 game winning streak in 1971 and moved up twelve spots." The team added that the move came as a big relief, because "Otherwise Gale A. Norton would be president if some sort of freak flu bug hit the White House and killed the first seven people in succesion. And she would SUCK as President."